Let’s face it, this isn’t an easy task in any season of marriage. Emotions differ from day-to-day, and if there is no intentional plans to stay connected, drift will happen.

Drift is slow movement with no control of direction.

Hardly a good practice for a healthy marriage. Also, it’s been said that “to drift is to go downstream.”

Three Ways to Stay Connected

1. Connection requires time without distractions.

This has to include no screens, the biggest deterrent in my opinion. Before your time together, think of one or two open-ended questions to get your minds thinking. This way you will both be ready to talk about something other than kids, work, church or school. Really—you do have other things in common. It is why you got married in the first place. The key is to zone in on that level like you did when you were dating. Here is an example, “What one aspect or thing in your life are you most encouraged about or thankful for right now?”

2. Connection requires honesty.

We all have areas that are considered hot topics. We are afraid to “go there” for fear of ruining the night. But could this possibly be a ploy of the enemy to keep us from moving forward in understanding and forgiveness? I believe this is a high probability! How do we go there without having the same results? I would suggest praying together first asking God to help you have this hard conversation. If being heard or understood is a problem, try writing out your feelings on the topic. Have your spouse do the same and then read them aloud to each other. No interruptions are allowed either. If you don’t understand what they said or why they feel that way, ask more questions. Sadly, most of us assume we know the answers before we ask. This isn’t a fair way to treat the one person who is your closest friend in life—or at least should be.

3. Connection requires a willingness to admit you are wrong and also a willingness to change when needed.

Nothing shuts your emotional connection down more than one spouse blaming the other for everything wrong in the marriage! This requires humility where the grace of God floods your relationship with His power to see things you have never seen before.

“God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble.” James 4:6

If this is a struggle for you, you may not realize it. Those who aren’t humble often think they are. Pride puffs up and makes us feel confident in areas where we should repent. I, (Debi), lived this way for far too long. Change came when God had me read Andrew Murray’s little book titled, “Humility”. It was the most painful and beautiful season of our marriage.

We pray these points help you on your continued journey toward connection or helps to get you back on track.

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Welcome to our new followers and thank you to those who have hung around for years. We are grateful to have you in our vineyard. We would love to hear comments too. It’s the only way we know if what we are sharing is helpful.

Blessings,

Tom and Debi ❤️❤️