Tom and I have been married for nearly 47 years. But we are facing a challenge we haven’t dealt with in years. The issue is who gets to defer to the other.

For example, it may be choosing where we want to eat after church on Sunday.

Tom will say, “Where would you like to go?”

“I don’t care; what sounds good to you?” I reply.

This will continue back and forth until I ask, “Why do I always have to be the one to choose?”

When we talk about it, we are both wanting to defer, but instead of causing connection, it ends up causing frustration.

When to defer and when not to defer, that IS the question!

I don’t mind picking the restaurant, unless I can’t decide. This is when I love for Tom to make the decision for me.

It reminds me of when we would have a date night planned, only to get in the car and have Tom say, “Where do you want to go?” Those were fighting words back in the day. It meant Tom hadn’t planned anything other than the babysitter.

When Tom makes the effort to plan something, it communicates not only his love, but his thoughtfulness and care. That’s a win win!

One year we took on a challenge to take turns planning our weekly date, whether it was at home, or going out. This allowed us each the benefit of giving and receiving. It is one of the highlights of our marriage.

Do you struggle with this? How have you figured out a way to give and receive? Both are good and necessary.

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It’s a blessing to have you join us today. We’d love to hear your thoughts.

Have a great week.

Blessings,

Tom and Debi ❤️❤️