Sex vs. Sexual Intimacy

Everyone is doing it, or so it would appear based on what television and Hollywood portray on a daily basis. But there is a huge difference between sex and sexual intimacy. Animals have sex for the sole purpose of procreating. It doesn’t require a marriage certificate to procreate–this accounts for the large number of abortions as well as unwed mothers.

Sheila Gregroire, from To Love, Honor and Vacuum, has an excellent post titled, Experiencing Spiritual Intimacy While You Make Love. She said:

One of the reasons that our culture has become more pornographic–and why things that were once considered sexually taboo are now pretty much mainstream–is that our culture has made sex into something only physical because they don’t have anything else. And yet they know they’re missing something, so they try more and more extreme things.

As Christians we can go beyond the physical act into the spiritual realm where Christ is glorified through our covenant relationship together. In order for us to experience true sexual intimacy it requires commitment, trust, vulnerability and covenant love. To put it another way, there must be a confidence that your spouse loves you and is committed to your relationship for life. There is a trust that is willing to be exposed both physically and emotionally, and in that moment a bond occurs between husband and wife that lets you know you are one flesh. This is the ultimate celebration of the unique relationship God created when He instituted marriage. And it is one we desire for all marriages to experience.

“We Christians need not approach the bedroom as the world does. Sex isn’t merely physical or all about oneself. The apex of intimacy is not multiple orgasms or more and more kinky sexual acts. The goal isn’t to have sex when we want, with whom we want, however we want, wherever we want without regard to others. We have the ultimate instead: a Gospel-driven life that shows a better way in every area — including the marital bedroom. And guess what? With God’s perfect design, we can end up having the most amazing sex!” – J, from Hot, Holy and Humorous blog. 

There are times when a husband and wife simply have sex; it is what many call a quickie, perfect for when you are limited on time. However, if this is all you are experiencing, then we want you to know there is a deeper level of intimacy you’re missing.

In order to reach this deeper level of intimacy there are things you can do:

  • Pray together asking God to bless your intimacy before you begin. This may seem awkward at first, but sexual intimacy was God’s idea. Trust Him to help you grow your physical relationship into all it can be.
  • Focus on your spouse and how to please him/her, rather than how good it feels for you. This is a simple way to love your spouse more than yourself. Doing this opens the door for greater intimacy. (Read The Gospel and the Bedroom by J, from Hot, Holy and Humorous, it is in our opinion, one of the best articles we’ve ever read.)
  • Take time. Don’t be in a hurry. This is where it is good to plan time away together for the purpose of having extended time for sexual intimacy.

We want to end by agreeing with J:

I pray for each married couple to experience the Gospel in their bedroom — to know the overwhelming love of Christ and to share it with their spouse.

“And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.” Ephesians 3:17-19


About Debi Walter

Face it, marriage is hard work. But when cultivated daily the fruit produced will satisfy for a lifetime. We're here to help with ideas and encouragement along the way. Having been married 36 years and counting, we share what we've learned with practical tips, Biblical Truths, Date night ideas to help you plow your own vineyard for God's glory.
This entry was posted in Christian Marriage, Growing Strong Marriages, Sexual Intimacy, The Gospel & Marriage. Bookmark the permalink.

9 Responses to Sex vs. Sexual Intimacy

  1. Seth says:

    Great post! Here is our pastor (Louie Giglio) speaking on some similar topics in a series on ‘boy meets girl’. This is the last of the series and it dwells primarily on the topic of Marriage. Very good.

    http://www.passioncitychurch.com/watch/#PCC-042912-V2

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  2. Thank you for continuing to delve into this topic!!! The more the church is open about the struggles of this side of marriage, the less foothold the devil can have! Love it!!

    Like

    • Debi Walter says:

      Yes, Jennifer. We are committed to encouraging a healthy marriage from all aspects. So glad to hear this post was helpful to you.

      Like

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