Men On Pause

Graphic Credit: anti-aging blog

Graphic Credit: anti-aging blog

Years ago our pastor jokingly referred to menopause as “Men On Pause.” I thought he was kidding at the very best, or I hoped he was exaggerating at the very least. Turns out he was quite right. <sigh>

Based on the number of comments we’ve received about our “When Your Sex Drive Putters Out” post, we think we need to keep this under-discussed topic going. We would love to hear from those who are facing issues and need advice, help, or someone to simply tell them they aren’t alone–you know you can always comment anonymously. We may not have the specific answers you need, but we can find the answers together.

We realize the sensitive nature of this topic.

I’m not sure why it is sensitive, but many women and men who are dealing with similar issues don’t want to talk about it. In fact, honestly Tom has faced some challenges, and when I mentioned posting about it he hesitated. When I asked why, he said he just didn’t know if it was necessary. I shared with him that telling the world about my struggle was hard–I even had trouble sleeping the night before because I wasn’t sure it I wanted to put myself out there like that. He realized that if us talking about such things helps one couple who wouldn’t get help otherwise then it’s worth the risk. He gave me the green light to discuss US as much as needed.

Today we want to identify some of the most common struggles older couples face. And then, post about them as the Lord gives help and insight.

Here are some symptoms a woman might have to clue you in menopause or peri-menopause is lurking at your door:

  • teariness
  • tingling muscles
  • aching shoulders
  • racing heart
  • insomnia
  • anxiety
  • forgetfulness
  • vaginal dryness (causing painful intercourse)
  • irritability
  • low libido
  • questions concerning purpose in life
  • fatigued
  • hot flashes/night sweats

Today’s Christian Woman has an excellent article to help identify 6 steps crucial to adjusting and even embracing the Big M. I highly encourage reading it for more information.

For men, their symptoms may include:

  • lack of focus
  • low libido
  • fatigue
  • weakness
  • depression
  • erectile dysfunction

Do any of these symptoms describe you or your spouse? Are they affecting your marriage in adverse ways? Have you talked with anyone about it, or have you both been suffering alone?

May we encourage you to seek help? There are many medical doctors who regularly work with patients in this season of life. It isn’t something to be hidden or ignored. It won’t go away, and your marriage will suffer in one way or another if you push it aside.

For now we only what to stir the pot and see who among us is struggling.

If you are, no one need tell you. You’ve most likely been saying “that’s me!” while reading this entire post. To help you feel more comfortable responding, we’ve created a Menopause Survey in order to see where you are in regards to this topic. We’d appreciate you all taking the time to fill it out completely and honestly.

Click the following link to access the survey. Thank you for helping us zoom in on this topic.

Men On Pause Survey for The Romantic Vineyard


About Debi Walter

Tom and Debi have been sharing encouragements through their blogs for many years. Marriage, Reading God's Word and documenting family history is our focus. Growing in our relationship with the Lord is primary in all we say, write or do. We are grateful for all who desire to join us in the same endeavors.
This entry was posted in Aging, Christian Marriage, communication, Conflict, Growing Strong Marriages, Seasons of Life, Sexual Intimacy and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

8 Responses to Men On Pause

  1. Spicywife says:

    Thank you for this topic. I did the survey but it did not ask questions about my spouse and how HIS symptoms are affecting our marriage. I would love a discussion on HIS low libido and ED. Thank you, love your site!


  2. Roxanne says:

    Cliff and I regularly discuss the issues I’ve been experiencing He realizes this is a season and has nothing to do with my feelings for him. I love him more than I ever have and we frequently joke about our sex life. He’ll tell me it’s “our night” and I often reply with “already?” =) Being a little less serious is helpful. =)


    • Debi Walter says:

      You always make me laugh, so I can only imagine the ways you get your dear husband to laugh! Thank you for sharing honestly. God will help us through these murky waters, and I pray that we can learn enough through it all to help those coming behind us.
      Love you girl,


  3. dmsutrich says:

    Debi, I appreciate you and Tom sharing such intimate details of your current struggles. I may not be experiencing this now, but learning how you both are working through it together will help me and my husband to address it head-on when we reach that point in our lives.

    We already know that physical problems in our bodies can debilitate our sex life. For a while we experienced it every day. My husband’s anemia made him lethargic, cranky, and physically worn out. And even though we actually had a pretty good sex drive before discovering his problem with low iron, we were thrilled to find how much stronger it got when we got his blood levels corrected!


    • Debi Walter says:

      Thank you DS. You are such an encourager, and such an attitude of growing and learning will serve your marriage greatly in the future. I’m so glad to hear you discovered NS’s medical issue. And really glad it’s made things even better! 😉


  4. Noah says:

    I went through ‘men-on-pause’ for a couple of years after my wife had our second baby and her already low sex drive evaporated. Things are better now, thankfully. It is good to be informed about the changes that can take place during perimenopause and after menopause before they happen (for us that is probably 10-15 years off). Thank your for sharing your story. On the other hand, as I read this, my heart starts to race as fear resurfaces. I am afraid to go through the kind of hurt I experienced before. I remind myself I need to trust God. There is no sense getting terrified in the present about something that may not even happen in the future. And if it does happen, I know God will be right there with me in the pain.


    • Debi Walter says:

      We’ve had difficult years like you’ve shared where the thought of ever going through something similar causes me to fear as well. The best thing you can do is talk to your wife now about that fear. Let her in on your struggle, so she can be aware of how her lack of desire affected you. Tom and I have had some of the best conversations when we’re baring our soul in this way. It deepens our dependence on one another, and strengthens our resolve to keep fighting for US. God will help you when and if the time comes.
      So grateful you took the time to share your story. There may be many others who have struggled in the same way, but wouldn’t take the time, or risk, to comment.


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