It’s Complicated


You may wonder what I’m talking about with the title of today’s post. Actually, I’m talking about life.

We have been in an extended season of change and challenges. There are no easy answers, only learning to adjust to a new normal, while waiting for unresolved issues to find their solution. In the meantime, my emotions don’t take a backseat. In fact, I feel as if they’ve taken over the wheel completely, leaving me breathless and exhausted. If you’re like me, you are tempted to imagine what could happen, before all the facts are known. This is never good to do. It leads to all sorts of fears and worries. It’s true…

Life is complicated.

I mentioned to Tom the other day that it felt like I didn’t have the grace to go through this. That’s when he said something profound–like a nugget of Truth hitting me right where my heart was hurting, bringing needed relief–He said, “You don’t have the grace to go through this because you’re not going through anything yet. God provides grace in your time of need, and you’re imagining the worst case scenario, instead of trusting God for the unknowns.

It was something I knew, but was having trouble remembering.

Tom spoke the truth to me in love in the moment when I needed to hear it, and I was helped.

What complicated situations are you facing today? Are you allowing your spouse to walk with you through the unknowns? Or are you tempted to pull away?

I encourage you to let them speak to your weary heart. Give them access to the painful places, and see how it draws your hearts closer together.

If this is an area you struggle with in your relationship, being vulnerable enough to let your spouse know the weak and hurting places, then I encourage you strongly to get outside help. There is a rich treasure in cultivating such a safe and loving relationship with your spouse. They have the ability to speak Truth to you when your heart is being tempted to think otherwise.

About Debi Walter

Face it, marriage is hard work. But when cultivated daily the fruit produced will satisfy for a lifetime. We're here to help with ideas and encouragement along the way. Having been married 40 years and counting, we share what we've learned with practical tips, Biblical Truths, Date night ideas to help you plow your own vineyard for God's glory.
This entry was posted in Christian Marriage, communication, Difficulty and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

1 Response to It’s Complicated

  1. Spot on.

    But not for me. I’m in my Alamo season – terminal illness has me surrounded, the enemy is coming over the walls, and there are no weak, hurting, or vulnerable places to share. This is all a fight to the death.

    It’s certainly changed me in ways that have hurt my marriage. I was trained, in a previous career, to a mindset of ruthlessness and ferocity, toward myself and toward those I was tasked to “deal with”. It helps a lot in fighting unremitting pain and humiliating “stuff” (like incontinence).

    I intend to win. Death may want me; I will make him regret his choice.

    And if I fail, when I walk through the Pearly Gates, God and His angels will bow their heads and look aside, in respect, and in awe.

    But I an NOT the kind of person whom you might feel called to hug for reassurance.

    I remember who I was when I married. I remember tenderness. I remember being able to share tears.

    But I have gone deaf, so to speak. This is my last, best fight, and I can’t hear anyone else over the sound of how awesome I am.

    It’s not compilated. I have a binary solution set, and all I care about is the win.


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