When Communication Breaks Down In Marriage

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I have a feeling that if you’ve been married for any length of time that you know exactly what I’m talking about with this title –>When Communication Breaks Down.

It happens. And how you handle it reveals whether you’re on the road to Maturity or flying down the road marked Selfishness in the wrong direction. A crash is sure to occur unless you do something drastic to change your course.

Communication is an area of marriage in which one never arrives completely.

You may think you’re doing well, and then one misunderstanding happens and it seems you’re back to square one, shaking your head and tempted to be upset. The situation can escalate when you think you should be better than this.

How do you navigate such a difficult, bumpy road?

  1. Watch your tone of voice. (I’m more prone to this than Tom is.) Whenever Tom and I are in a communication breakdown, it’s easy to get frustrated that we don’t understand each other.  If he doesn’t get what I’m trying to explain, I tend to say ‘forget it’, rather than press through the situation. And if I do press through I will most likely let my tone show my frustration.
  2. Be patient. When I see something clearly, and I can’t seem to get Tom to see it as I do, I’m immediately tempted to get mad at him. This is real life, folks. Just because we’ve been married 36 years it doesn’t mean we’ve arrived at a level of communication where there are no more bumps on this road called marriage.
  3. Don’t give up. Sometimes it feels easier to walk away with a “just forget it” attitude than to do the hard work necessary to understand each other. But this isn’t a good choice. It sets you up to hold a grudge–one you may not realize you have until the next time there’s a miscommunication.
  4. Choose the humble road. God has promised to always give us a way of escape when it comes to temptation. Conflict in marriage is no exception. The sad thing is it’s not an easy choice to make; when the temperature is rising it’s much easier to allow yourself to explode than to step back and cool your jets, so to speak.

The inspiration for this post sadly came from an incident that just happened.

I was trying to log into Tom’s laptop and couldn’t get it to work the way I wanted it to. When I tried to explain my dilemma to Tom, he didn’t get why I was struggling. Rather than explain it to him, I chose to say, “never mind” in frustration. When I started to write this post, I knew exactly what I needed to share.

Marriage is a never-ending road to growing in maturity. We will stumble. We will say things we regret. We will apologize and ask forgiveness and try again. Know that on the other side of such conflicts we learn how to do it better next time. We grow in our understanding of each other and hopefully choose to take the above steps the next time it happens.

If you’re in the midst of a communication break down, please don’t let it fester. Go after it together and don’t stop until you reach a place of understanding and resolve. Your marriage is worth it!

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About Debi Walter

Face it, marriage is hard work. But when cultivated daily the fruit produced will satisfy for a lifetime. We're here to help with ideas and encouragement along the way. Having been married 36 years and counting, we share what we've learned with practical tips, Biblical Truths, Date night ideas to help you plow your own vineyard for God's glory.
This entry was posted in Christian Marriage, communication, Conflict and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

10 Responses to When Communication Breaks Down In Marriage

  1. Debbie Perry says:

    These insights and the awareness Debi Walter brings to communication in a spiritual relationship brings to mind the acronym for EGO THAT THE LATE Wayne Dyer said many times. EGO= Edging God Out. Resisting nothing and surrendering to your divinity is often harder said than done. Thanks Debi for the well written signpost to this message. ❤️

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  2. Saraborgs says:

    Great post! I love the photo. Marriage is not easy, but it’s totally worth the effort.

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  3. Hopeful says:

    My marriage is a mess right now and has been for years because of communication issues and other issues.. We are on the brink of divorce. We are in counseling however the agenda for my husband and I is different. I am working to restore our marriage, he is working on getting along for our boys sake. Some days are unbearable for me. The loneliness and frustration hit hard. I don’t want to give up. I stumble a lot and say things I totally regret. I apologize yet my apologies are met with resistance.

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    • Debi Walter says:

      We’re so sorry to hear that this is your current struggle. Counseling is good, but only helps as much as the couple is willing to invest in the marriage. You didn’t mention being a part of a local
      Church or if you even have a relationship with Christ. If not, I would start there with helping yourself with the loneliness. Our husband can never fill the void that is reserved for our Savior. We pray you find help and hope as you pursue Him.
      Blessings,
      Tom and Debi

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      • hopeful says:

        Thank you Tom and Debbie.

        I am actively walking with God and attend a couple
        churches and small groups. My husband seems to have fallen from his faith. He attends church but is.not actively involved in a community of believers. I know in my head that he cannot can fill the void in me. Knowing this in my heart is a slow process. Marriage counselling doesnt work if there is only one willing partner. That has been me. We had counselling today and at the end my husband said that he wasnt coming back. I am crushed.

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      • Debi Walter says:

        I’m so sorry to hear this, hopeful! Praying that you will sense God’s nearness and comfort! He is near to the broken-hearted!

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  4. Keelie Reason says:

    The way you speak has a lot to do with how your communication goes down. It’s really important to think of those things when talking with your husband or wife.

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