Originally Posted on May 11, 2009

We recently heard it said that Christian married couples who have been happily married for many years usually have one thing in common — they share biblical fellowship regularly.  What is biblical fellowship?  It is communicating with your spouse openly and honestly all that concerns you, including your sin and temptations in light of the Truth found in Scripture.  This sounds wonderful on one’s wedding day when both Bride and Groom are filled with great expectations of what God will do.  But there comes a time in every marriage when reality shows up, and suddenly marriage isn’t as fun as you thought it was going to be.

What happened?  Did you miss God’s will?  No – the truth is you’re right in the middle of God’s will.  This is the place where Truth meets Reality and we must comply.  Gary Thomas calls it “Falling Forward”; this is when we face difficulties, trials, heartaches and conflicts we are committed to work out our differences towards each other – not away.  It sounds easy as I type this on the computer, but doing it when emotions are full blown is another thing all together.

Gary and Betsy Ricucci noted, “One of the best wedding gifts God gave you was a full-length mirror called your spouse.  Had there been a card attached, it would have said, ‘Here’s to helping you discover what you’re really like!'”

So, what does this have to do with romance in marriage?  Everything!  In order to enjoy deep, satisfying romantic love together as husband and wife, there has to be biblical fellowship taking place day in and day out.  It sounds counterproductive that we must confess sin and endure conflict in order to experience deep and lasting romance, but this is because we’ve accepted a faulty view of romantic love.  True romance in marriage is multi-faceted.  It includes conflict and resolution, sin and forgiveness of sin, speaking the truth and accepting the truth.  It involves a willingness to openly expose the sinful motives of our hearts through confession of sin and repentance of sin, even when we don’t want to!

Biblical Fellowship between a husband and wife doesn’t happen naturally – it takes practice.  This is why we have provided some excellent questions (See Date Night Questions on the menu bar) to use when you have time to talk.   Make sure the time is sufficient and distractions limited.  We have a lifetime to get it right – and God will help us in our weakness; that’s a promise!