In our last post I compared marriage to a fountain. I ended the post with this meme…
…and it got me thinking of the ways we drain our marriages of the good God intended. I found this article on The Huffington Post, by writer Tamara Star. She provides 8 ways we drain the life out of relationships. I’d like to take her 8 ways and consider the reverse…
8 Ways To KEEP FROM Draining The Life Out Of Our Marriage.
- Deal With Past Hurts. Pretending you’re okay about a conflict just to keep the peace, is what Ken Sande calls a “Peace Faker”. You may keep the conflict quiet, but it certainly won’t go away. At some point the geyser will blow and your fountain will be high and dry.
- Believe The Best Of Your Spouse. When they tell you something, believe them. Don’t second guess. If you don’t trust your spouse to tell you the truth, you have deeper issues that need attention. We should, we must think the best or the waters of our fountain will become polluted with suspicion and complaint.
- Trust Your Spouse To Love You Completely. If we hold back emotionally we are robbing our spouse of what we promised to give them on our wedding day. We must stay true to our vows, for it is our vows that holds the marriage together when the feelings wane. When our spouse expresses their affection embrace it, don’t question it. This keeps the water in your fountain flowing both ways.
- Intentionally Pursue Your Spouse. When you were dating no one had to tell you to pursue them, they were all you could think about! When we get married the need to do this increases, because if we don’t we will begin to drift apart. It’s like taking one side of the fountain away and hoping all the water will stay in place.
- Give Your Spouse Your Complete Attention. This one isn’t so hard before you have children, at least not as noticeable. The husband especially can feel pushed aside when the mothering instincts kick in. But if you purpose to look each other in the eyes when talking it will go a long way in preventing you from communicating on auto-pilot. And please, put those devices aside when your spouse is talking.
- Study Your Spouse. As the years pass you will both change. It is necessary for you to continue to learn about who your spouse is becoming. If you don’t take care of this on a regular basis, you’ll wake up one day and say, “Who are you?” We’ve seen this happen far too many times. Know what is on your spouse’s mind and heart. Know what is worrying them. Know what they are dreaming about. This will keep the waters of your fountain clear and refreshing, not old and stagnant.
- Stay Current With Your Spouse. Don’t assume on yesterday’s understandings. Take the time to talk about what’s important, including dreaming about the future together. This is the natural give and take found in a functioning fountain.
- Touch Each Other Often. This may be a given in your relationship, but many couples stop showing affection as the years pass. Kiss often. Kiss long. Hold hands when walking. Put your arm around your wife as you walk the mall. Be physical. Intimacy isn’t just for the bedroom, it starts with a goodbye kiss in the morning, and a welcome embrace when you are together again at the end of the day.
How have you kept your fountain operating in the way it was created to function? Are there any of these that you have neglected in your own relationship? What can you do today to implement the needed changes?
The only way to stop a leak in a fountain is to fix it.