My house is a mess. I am decorating for Christmas, but there are demands keeping me from finishing it all at once.
Oh sure, I’ve posted photos on Instagram zoomed in where it appears my home is picture perfect, but it’s not. It may not ever be this year.
Marriage can give the same impression.
We can present ourselves to others in a way leaving an impression that just isn’t real. We all have messes because anything worth doing is going to make a mess in the process! Consider…
- A messy season of decorating and preparation precedes the wedding day.
- Lots of hair clippings and foils precede a new hairstyle.
- Dirty kitchen utensils, appliances and counters precede a perfect holiday meal.
- And hurts and disappointments can be at the forefront of healthy marriages. What make some grow stronger and others break apart is how they handle the mess.
Tom and I are facing some challenges right now that could bring division. But we’re talking, we’re sharing, we’re disclosing our hurts and disappointments with each other. Not to place blame or accusation, but to make sure the mess isn’t in vain.
Imagine if when decorating your home for Christmas you never put any of the storage boxes away or cleaned up? Needles and glitter settles all over everything and this takes time to sweep up. What if the the mess became the focus and not the tree or the mantle? This is what we do when we refuse to talk with each other about our current struggles. We wallow in it like a pig in his pen.
In the midst of this intense season, I’ve said some things I regret. Can you relate? When I realized how my words had hurt Tom I felt genuine remorse for my lack of kindness and love. As I was sharing how sorry I was that he had to put up with me and my sin, his response to me was astonishing!
He said, “Debi, I chose you and I still do!”
It took my breath away to hear it when we first got engaged, but it means so much more to me now. He has seen me at my worst and loves me still. He.still.chooses.me!
What mess are you facing in your relationship? Are you facing it together to clean it up? Or are you wallowing in it as if made to live this way? It may be time to sweep up the mess. There is a beautiful reality found in marriage when we don’t hide the mess, but deal with it as it comes.
“To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that he might be glorified.”
Isaiah 61:3 KJV