It’s January, but more surprising than that–it’s 2019! It seems like yesterday when we were concerned about Y2K. We blink and time flies by at record pace. Yet it stays the same. Seconds turn to minutes. Minutes turn to hours. Hours turn into days, and then we ring in another New Year.
This begs the question, how do we spend our time?
Octavius Winslow said, “Time is a solemn and priceless gift, and involves a responsibility and an account of a most tremendous character.”
It is good at the end of the year to contemplate how we spent our time. It is also good to think of how we have invested in our primary relationship–our marriage. This is why we should consider the following questions in order to determine the state of our marriage union. Don’t delay. Before you know it 2020 will be knocking on our door. Today is the only day we can influence for either good or evil. Let’s choose the former.
1. What significant discoveries have you made about yourself? Think on what you’ve learned in personal Bible study. Talk openly with your spouse about the challenge this has been for you or the victories you have had.
2. What are at least three ways God has blessed us this year? Spend time thanking Him specifically together in prayer.
3. What has been the biggest challenge for us and our marriage this past year? How have I helped or hindered you in dealing with it?
4. When we consider how we communicate, how are we doing in terms of openness and depth of conversation? How do our needs and expectations differ?
5. In what ways have you felt cherished by me? Spend time evaluating this question together.
6. In regard to our sexual intimacy, how satisfied are you with our relationship? In what ways can we grow in our love and understanding of each other?
May we all purpose this year to be more intentional in how we spend our time.
We close with another quote from Mr. Winslow, “Time is the preface to eternity. And as the preface indicates the character of the volume, so our present use of time is the foreshadowing of our future eternal history. ”
The Romantic Vineyard 
First, I hope 2019 has gotten off to a great start for you and yours!
It was driven home to me last night how different the ‘state of a marriage’ can be; I was awake though a night of high fever, and pain from tumours in lungs, pancreas, and bones. I thought of calling Barbara for moral support (she has a bedroom, I sleep in the living room as i generally don’t sleep), but…she had a busy day planned for today, helping a dear friend who is recovering from surgery, and I didn’t want to impose.
The best thing I can do for our marriage now is to encourage Barb to move on, to develop relationships and a life that will extend past my death. She’s finding friends, and has found a church (I can no longer go), and these things are much, much better done while things are ‘going OK’, and I can manage with the house and dogs.
Sure, it does get lonely. But I’ve seen men and women just shrink into themselves on the death of a spouse, because the ‘together life’ has gone, and starting to live independently just seems too hard.
But I live by Big Boys’ Rules, and ‘loneliness’ will not become neediness. I’m an adult; I can keep myself busy, and my morale is my own responsibility.
There is the concern, of course, that I’m taking something from Barbara’s life that should be there; she remarked yesterday that she felt she was taking care of everyone but me. I assured her that I’m fine, no complaints, and that taking care of others who are definitely NOT fine is a Christian duty, and that I admire her for it. (The lady mentioned above, and her husband, do need a lot of emotional support, and help in dealing with the hospital nursing staff; the nurses think Barb is their daughter.)
I guess one can only do one’s best; I hope Barb will look back at the memory of our marriage as a place from which she was able to spread her wings, and fly on even in the face of loss.
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Andrew, as always it is good to hear from you. As Tom and I read your comment our only caution would be that you don’t push Barb away. You are married until death parts you and there are memories to be made. We realize your battle makes it difficult to enjoy life as you used to. But leaning in should not end completely. God has much to say in all seasons of marriage.
Praying for you and Barb as you walk a road we are not yet familiar with.
Blessings friend,
Tom and Debi
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Debi, thank you for this; pushing Barbara away is the last thing I want to do, but I do have to be careful that my – pardon the expression – hardass approach to my own death does not make her feel peripheral to my life.
That is a danger; for me (in creating isolation), but perhaps more for her, because she tries so very hard to make what is left of my life pleasant. I thank her daily, and very sincerely, for the things she does, and for the love she invests.
I’d give her a hug every time I see her, if I could, but it hurts too much, now, and she knows it.
I do love her with all my heart (and tell her this); and more so, now, every day.
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Well done, Andrew. You inspire us and we thank God for the privilege of knowing you albeit virtually! There is a day…🎵
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And I am honoured by your friendship. by your friendship.
This song is often on my mind; perhaps you remember it?
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