There are times when joking with friends the words can roll off the tongue without thinking. It may be that you say something you didn’t mean to say or you say it in a way that sounds mean. Often we make light of the awkward situation by saying, “Just kidding.”

It’s worse if you do this to your spouse in front of friends. If you shrug it off saying “just kidding,” you have a choice to make.

1. Humble yourself and apologize to your spouse for putting them in a bad light; then apologize to your friends for hurting your spouse. Both exhibit your love and care for them.

2. Or you can deny any wrong doing and tell your spouse they’re being too sensitive. After all, you were just kidding.

The first choice represents a spouse who desires what’s best for their partner.

The second choice represents a spouse who cares more what others think of them than hurting and/or embarrassing the one they’re called to love.

We all say things we don’t mean at one time or another.

In our marriage we have both done this to each other more than we’d like to admit. But we shouldn’t be surprised—we are both a work in progress. We will never arrive at doing this marriage relationship perfectly.

When this has happened to us, we don’t say anything in the moment; we wait until we are alone and say something like this:

“Tonight when you said this about me in front of our friends it made me feel (fill in the blank).”

When Tom is leaning in to learn how to love and care for me, he will apologize. It doesn’t matter if he agrees or not—if he made me feel that way, it hurts him to realize he did this.

When I’ve said more than I needed to say and put Tom in a bad light, he will do the same with me—talk to me in private. Honestly, my first reaction can often be to say, “No, I didn’t!” But this isn’t leaning in to learn and grow. It’s being defensive which never leads to growth and humility.

The Bible instructs us…

“There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.” Proverbs 12:18 ESV

“Whoever keeps his mouth and his tongue keeps himself out of trouble.”
‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭21‬:‭23‬ ‭ESV

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Let’s take these verses to heart and ask God to help us when we blurt out something hurtful.

We are back from our Papa and Nana Duty Delight. Matt and Heather are doing well with their family of four. We are so happy for this new season in their life.

Thank you for being a part of our Vineyard. We love encouraging your marriage to bear fruit that will remain. If you don’t want to miss a post, you can sign-up to receive them via email. Or follow us on IG and FB.

Have a great week,

Tom and Debi

Photo by Felix Rosteg on Unsplash