Imagine living in a house that had one door you never opened; one room ignored. It is avoided because neither spouse wants to go there. Instead both go the long way around it as they live their days together. The thought of going through that door would open up a mess they aren’t willing to see, much less clean. But it would also open up more space in which to enjoy life together.

There is one question, when asked sincerely, opens up a door of conversation you either really need to have to help your marriage heal, or to confirm your marriage is in a good place and healthy. You won’t know unless you open the door.

First, you must ask yourself, “Do I really want to know the answer?” Humility is required in order to answer “yes.” This makes it possible to hear your spouse’s heart, even if they share a perspective you may not see nor agree with.

Okay, so what’s the big question?

When you share an observation about me or our relationship, do you feel heard or do you feel disregarded?

Disregard means to pay no attention to it, to ignore it, or to treat it as unimportant or unworthy of consideration.

If they answer that they feel disregarded, you have work to do. Your spouse should never feel invisible. Ask them for examples of when this happens, not in a defensive way, but sincerely. The goal is to come to a place of mutual understanding.

It isn’t always easy to get there. But anything worth having is worth doing hard things and having difficult conversations.

Marriages grow as the years pass for those who are willing to lean in and dig deeper rather than pull away. If you dig in and insist you are right, your marriage will suffer.

We pray we all will continue to lean in. Tom and I can testify that a healthy marriage is worth opening those scary doors of communication.

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Welcome to our vineyard. We hope you are encouraged to continue pursuing your spouse as you did when you were dating. This is why we do what we do. Click here for date night ideas.

Blessings,

Tom and Debi ❤️❤️