As we continue our series focusing on the wife’s role as a helper to her husband, I want to share how much this has helped our marriage become what it is today. Not that I’ve been the one solely to make it happen, (God, and Tom, knows that’s not true!) But the two of us learning and applying what we’ve been taught in regard to our specific roles in marriage has made all the difference.
God created the idea of marriage, so it baffles me when people grumble or complain about how He designed it. This only reveals a lack of trust in who God is, not in the differing roles in marriage. Those who truly know God want to learn the right way of doing things. They want to please Him. And they want to understand the things He requires even when they don’t make sense to them on the surface.
When we are confused and lack understanding we must dig deeper. God will help us through His Holy Spirit if we’re really wanting to learn and grow.
A Covenant of Companionship
The next part of being a helper to our husband involves the idea of companionship. Elyse Fitzpatrick from her book, Helper By Design, says:
When you contemplate your relationship with your husband, do you see yourself peacefully lying in the bend of his arm, helping by speaking words of comfort, truth, and strength to him? I know that it’s easy to forget, but a wife, because of her nearness, is usually the most powerful human influence in her husband’s life. Conversely, when she neglects her calling to direct him toward faithful living, a wife has great potential to harm.” (Helper By Design, pg. 49)
I remember fondly when we were first married how much I enjoyed cuddling up with Tom with my head on his chest listening to his heartbeat. I loved the nearness of lying there with him, and I felt safe. The question to ask is does my husband feel safe with my nearness to him? Have I become such a close companion to him through all that life has brought us through that he knows he can come to me for help, comfort, support and encouragement no matter what it is that’s weighing on his heart? This should be the goal of every marriage. To get so close in life that you become what the Bible says in Proverbs 17:17, one who “sticks closer than a brother.”
Elyse encourages us to ask ourselves the following questions to help us take these truths to heart and apply them.
- Do you intentionally seek to be a companion for your husband?
- If an outsider observed your daily routine, would he say that befriending your husband is important to you? How would he be able to tell?
- Are you intentionally setting out to help him by being a continual influence for good in your husband’s life? Can you give an example?
- Do you recognize the power that your friendship wields in his life? How do you use that power?
- Have you committed yourself to stand by him throughout all the trials he faces? (Helper By Design, pg. 50)
These are thought provoking questions that cut to the heart of the matter. Answering them honestly while praying earnestly for God to help you will do more to help your marriage grow than anything else you could do or say. You can’t change your husband, but you can change how you relate to him. I encourage you to take this series and be diligent in going after the things God reveals are lacking in your heart (and buy Elyse’s book). He will help you become a better companion to your husband. How do I know? Because I’ve seen what God has done in my heart, as well as witnessing the transformation of other marriages of close friends.
How would you rate the companionship level in your marriage? Are you willing to allow God to help you become a companion suitable to your husband?
Being a helper vs. being a spouse who tries to have our significant other conform to the image you want. The first is living in design, the second is a recipe for disaster. I like how you stated the case for trusting a wife’s feminine design. Leaves the husband with a lot of God given responsibility as part of his masculine design. Thanks. http://choosetotrust.com/2012/10/fixing-your-spouse/
Thank YOU for adding your comments. It’s helpful to see it written out this way, and it makes it’s easier to understand! So grateful for your encouragement.