What To Do When You Don’t Know What To Do


Now that’s a title! And it’s one most of us face at one time or another in our marriage. There are times when we don’t have a clue what is best for us in certain situations. Maybe your spouse feels strongly you should do one thing, but you aren’t sure. Maybe you are fearful of the “what if’s” and it’s prohibiting you from taking steps of faith. Whatever it is, times like these are hard to face, even if you have a strong marriage.

We have learned how to navigate these turbulent waters by trial and error.

We have recently faced a similar challenge, one where we needed to make an important decision, but weren’t sure which way God was leading.

I had a pretty strong sense of what I thought God was saying. But I knew I didn’t want to “talk Tom into something” if he didn’t have the faith for it. So what did I do? I prayed. Not the kind of prayer where I’m pleading with God to help Tom see it MY way–no, I know this is a form of trying to manipulate God into manipulating my husband. It’s wrong. Instead, I prayed the way Jesus showed us to pray.

When He was facing a difficult road, knowing His road would end in death. He prayed asking God if this cup could pass from Him, but He didn’t stop there. He added, “nevertheless, not my will but your’s be done.” There’s the answer!

When we don’t know what to do, we pray for God’s will to be done. I’ll also include parts of The Lord’s Prayer: “Your kingdom come, Your will be done, On earth as it is in Heaven.” And then comes a very important part. I have to let it go and trust God to lead through my husband.

This isn’t being a doormat letting my husband do everything his way. No, the right way to make important decisions is to talk about it over and over. Make sure you are both hearing what the other is saying. Ask lots of questions and repeat what you heard your spouse say. Then, as you pray, trust that God will direct your husband to the right decision. It may be that he chooses other than the way you would have chosen. This is a great way to discover how much you trust God to lead through your husband.

Will he ever make a mistake? You can be sure he will. But if he does, it’s because God wants to teach him, or ME, something in the process.

I heard someone say, I think it was John Piper, that if we could see what God sees we would choose the same road He’s chosen for us. But we can’t see what God sees. So we can either rest in His sovereignty–that’s a big word for God’s ability to control all things–or we can grow weary in trying to always get things to line up the way we want them to.

In 34 years of marriage I’ve learned it’s a lot easier to rest.

God has promised He will never leave us or forsake us. He has promised to tell us which way to walk. And I choose to believe that He meant what He said. I remember vividly when I first began to walk in this truth. I felt a huge weight lift from my shoulders when I realized it was easier to let go than to hold on for my demands. And you know what? When I’m at peace it has a huge affect on how my husband leads.

How have you and your spouse learned to make important decisions? Has it been hard or have you discovered a way that would help others to know? Won’t you share in our comments so others can benefit? 

About Debi Walter

Tom and Debi have been sharing encouragements through their blogs for many years. Marriage, Reading God's Word and documenting family history is our focus. Growing in our relationship with the Lord is primary in all we say, write or do. We are grateful for all who desire to join us in the same endeavors.
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2 Responses to What To Do When You Don’t Know What To Do

  1. Rick Chance says:

    When I opened this post, I smiled at how appropriate this was for me. As our daughter has been going through brain surguries this week in an attempt to control her seizures, I had in my mind the “best” outcome for her based on the possibilities the doctors gave us and our hopes for her and us. We began to pray in that direction and expected God to give us a specific answer.
    I was severely disappointed when the course that things took didn’t match my ideal. (It didn’t help that receiving what I thought was bad news came at 5 am after a sleepless night of watching multiple seizures.) But after an hour of crying and praying then finally getting some sleep, I began to realize that it wasn’t my job to try and direct God’s hand, but to pray “Your will be done…” and trust that His best for our little one is better than we can imagine.
    Thank you, Debi for confirming that for me.


    • Debi Walter says:

      You’re so welcome, Rick! We read your post on FB and have prayed for your little girl. I can’t imagine the temptation to fear and worry about the future that must be crouching at your door. I’m glad our post has helped to remind you of the Truth.
      Blessings to you and Jean,


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