Everyone at some point or another in marriage will face times where you just don’t feel like making love. But what happens when this happens and your spouse really, really wants to?
There are several options. But first it’s important for both husband and wife to posture themselves in the right way. Many arguments and much more tension can be avoided if you both simply prepare ahead of time how you’ll respond in times like these.
Here’s A Scenario:
You’ve had an incredibly busy day and your brain has hardly had a chance to breathe. After eating dinner and getting the kids to bed all you can think of is dropping into bed yourself…when your spouse comes and gives you that knowing look and begins to caress your body.
Here are your response options:
Roll your eyes and do everything you can to not respond to their initiative. When they look at you, make sure you’re yawning. When they advance, retreat. Talk about how bad you feel, how tired you are, and hope they get the hint.
Tell your spouse honestly how difficult your day has been. But pray for God to help you love your spouse in your weakness. Make yourself available to them even though you don’t feel up to it, trusting God to answer your prayer. Now, a spouse who is sensitive will most likely say they understand and let you have your rest. But sometimes the urge is just too strong for them to ignore. True love is willing to make love even when it’s not the best time for you. Seeking to please your spouse is the kind of sacrificial love the Bible encourages. It’s hard when one spouse is being giving and the other is being selfish and demanding, but in these rare cases, we believe God hears the cries of the tired spouse and will help them do what they can’t do in their own strength. And usually once you get started, your mood will change if you haven’t allowed bitterness or anger to get in the way.
All marriages face seasons like these when making love just isn’t going the way you thought it would. It’s not romantic–it’s more like a chore on the to-do list, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t a chore worth going after.
How do you handle times when your spouse is pursuing and you’re just not feeling it? What can you plan to do next time this happens to be the best spouse you can be?