Turning A Deaf Ear Isn’t Love

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I heard it again this morning. I was lamenting the fact to Tom that I’ve gained 10 pounds, and I’m having a hard time losing them. <sigh> His wise counsel to me was something I’ve heard over and over–you need to get off the computer and out exercising to boost your metabolism. I know he’s right, but something in me doesn’t want to hear it!

Why is that? Why is it when our spouse tells us something we know is right we’re tempted to disregard what they say, or worse–take offense to it?

I’m.not.going.to.do.that.this.time!

I’m in my workout clothes, I’m waiting to for my iPod to charge and then with walking shoes on, I’m going to do what he’s encouraged me to do so many times. I’m heading to Cranes Roost Park to walk a mile around the lake. Why there? Because once I start I’m committed to at least a mile because you can’t quit halfway as I’m often tempted to do.

This may seem like a little thing, but it’s not really. My husband loves me. He’s willing to tell me what I need to hear over and over again even when he knows I don’t want to hear it. And if I really love him I must, repeat with emphasis–I MUST, listen and do what I know I need to do.

What has your spouse said to you over and over again? Are they nagging or is it you’re not listening? Let’s not allow the enemy of our marriage to have victory in this seemingly little way anymore. Let’s be diligent to listen to our spouse and do what they suggest as soon as they suggest it. Oftentimes we hear them, but we are unwilling to stop what we’re doing to do what they’ve asked us to do. Could this be selfishness on display? It could be a subtle way to say, “I’ll do it, but on my terms not yours.”

Here are a few common requests we may have developed a deaf ear towards hearing our spouse say:

  • Did you take your vitamins?
  • Have you thrown the garbage?
  • Have you done the laundry yet?
  • What book have you decided to read?
  • Did you have your quiet time today?
  • Did you make that phone call?
  • Have you made an appt. for your annual check-up to the doctor? dentist?

As you can see these are questions about the mundane details of everyday living. Our spouse knows us better than anyone else. They also know how to push our buttons making huge arguments over little annoyances like those listed above. Why not stop the stress by just doing the thing you know you should do, or doing that which you’ve said you’d do before, but you keep putting it off?

Ok, enough writing. I have some walking to do–even on this hot Florida day. I can’t wait to hear how God helps you finally do what your spouse has been bugging you to do all along. Please add your comments so I know I’m not alone in this challenge. 🙂

About Debi Walter

Face it, marriage is hard work. But when cultivated daily the fruit produced will satisfy for a lifetime. We're here to help with ideas and encouragement along the way. Having been married 36 years and counting, we share what we've learned with practical tips, Biblical Truths, Date night ideas to help you plow your own vineyard for God's glory.
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9 Responses to Turning A Deaf Ear Isn’t Love

  1. It’s the buts that make you gain butt….people marry great advisors all the time then want to be their own person. First of all, once you get married you’re thinking for two and second, if you marry someone that thinks for two better than you do, then you will be a dedicated listener; in the belief it will lift you as well as the marriage. The problem with listening is too many people believe they aren’t being heard. In my past relationships women have said they loved me because I’m a great listener then later in the relationship they believe I don’t understand a word they are saying. Vanity has no place in relationships….communicate your wants and dreams and listen to how to achieve them by acting….good post!!!!

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    • Debi Walter says:

      Thanks for reading and commenting AB. You’ve said it well, “Vanity has no place in relationships….communicate your wants and dreams and listen to how to achieve them by acting.” And we also must share our weaknesses and fears, but this only happens when both husband and wife feel heard, loved and safe.
      Blessings,
      Debi

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  2. Jill Waggoner says:

    I believe this is my first comment on your blog although I’ve been reading here quite some time. I just wanted you to know what a blessing your entries are to me and my marriage. So often your posts are just what I’m needing to hear, either as confirmation or revelation. Thank you!

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    • Debi Walter says:

      Jill,
      You couldn’t have encouraged me anymore than you have with this kind comment. I hope you sense God’s care for you through the “confirmation or revelation” that takes place as you read our posts. Only He can orchestrate the details of your life in such a way. I hope you’ll comment more often. It’s nice to meet you!
      Blessings,
      Debi

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  3. Susan Wilcox says:

    Guilty as charged: getting myself more sleep & chore charts for the kids. I *say* I agree with Dan that both would serve our family better, but the months & months of procrastination suggest otherwise. Your term, “selfishness on display” was a real zinger for me. Thanks Debi for touching on this. Hope you enjoy your walk!

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  4. Kristina says:

    The comment I hear most is about laundry! It’s important to my husband and I tend to let it pile up, clean and unfolded. Over our 10 years of marriage I’ve realized how important it is to him and I do strive to keep it up.

    The other thing for me, is that I’ve realized, through God’s grace to me, that certain foods (gluten, dairy, sugar) make me feel bad all over. I avoid most of them like I should always, but I recently had a milk shake and it made me feel terrible. The look my husband gave me, when I told him I had one, was very convicting. It has nothing to do with my weight or anything like it. But he knows how much better I feel, what I’m able to do, etc when I eat like I should. We have two small children too.

    I could have been very offended that day, but thankfully I wasn’t, it helped me to get back on track with the way I was thinking about and choosing food. I’m thankful for my husband and his encouragement to me, even though its hard to hear sometimes. I used to get so offended by those sort of things. It’s only by Gods work and grace in me that it’s better.

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    • Debi Walter says:

      Kristina,
      It sounds like you’re doing a great job listening to your husband when he is genuinely concerned about your well-being. When couples finally realize they’re on the same team the marriage begins to mature much more quickly as they help each other in their weaknesses.
      Thanks for sharing so openly about your struggle. You may never realize how your comment has helped others do the same.
      Blessings,
      Debi

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  5. Carol Blakeman says:

    Well, what do I seem to be turning a deaf ear about?

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