Yesterday we shared with you Kate Aldrich’s post titled, Emotional Alphabet. Well, in order to challenge the wives in the same way we’ve challenged the husbands, we want to share with you Brad’s post titled, Emotional Foreplay.
Take a moment to click over and read it, then come back and hear how this has played out in our marriage.
If you could contrast a major difference between Tom and me, it would be Tom is patient and I am not. In our early years asking me to give Tom emotional foreplay was nearly impossible as I rarely paused long enough for a breath, let alone give Tom the time he needed to process an answer to a question regarding his feelings.
Brad is right, men have feelings–deep feelings, but getting them to express them takes patience and skill. Most times Tom struggles to find the words to adequately express what he’s feeling. But I can see the weight of his emotion in his eyes. In our early years I was quick to put words in his mouth in an effort to help him say what I thought he wanted to say. This is arrogantly wrong to do. How could I know what Tom was feeling?
You want to know my secret for discovering what Tom is feeling? I listen to the comments he makes under his breath when he thinks no one is listening. He often thinks out loud, and if I’m privy to hear it, I’ll discover what questions to ask in an effort to help him share what’s on his mind and heart.
Every husband is different and has unique ways of hinting to what they’re feeling. The understanding wife will make it a regular practice to study her husband. If you’ve tried without success, may I encourage you to pray about it? Ask God to help you help your husband in this way.
Foreplay is a gift from God to help a husband prepare his wife for the most intimate of physical expressions–making love. In a similar way, a wife can give her husband emotional foreplay to help him communicate in a more vulnerable way than he’s used to. And it’s all good!
In what ways have you discovered to help your husband share his feelings with you?