“Don’t Talk To Anyone About This!”

Has your spouse ever said this to you or implied it? Or have you demanded this from your spouse? Is it about an unresolved conflict in your marriage? Is it because to be fully known in this area would bring embarrassment or shame to one or both of you? This is where marriage blogs can be so helpful. You can find the answers to troubles you’re facing that are a bit too much to share with others, without ever being marked by it.

I remember in our early years when we were facing an issue in our marriage. We were crossing over from knowing most things about each other to the place where we were fully known, and it was troubled waters for sure. So much so that we felt seasick. I didn’t dare tell anyone, so I was left floundering on my own–which I wouldn’t recommend for anyone! It made the management of the issues that much more difficult.

The Truth is, God never intended us to live life in isolation.

We are relational beings, and oftentimes we need the input and wisdom from someone outside of the situation. Someone who can help us see reason without the emotional attachments.

If we had it to do over again, knowing what we know now, we wouldn’t hesitate to seek out the counsel and help of a mentor or pastor. Someone you know will be faithful to tell you the Truth in your difficulty. Truth is the only thing to cling to when you’re in troubled waters. It is the only anchor that will hold no matter the strength of the storm.

Here are some difficult topics one might hesitate to share with others. Are you facing any of these?

  • Finances
  • Problems in the bedroom
  • Pornography use
  • Uncontrolled outbursts of anger
  • Addictions of various kinds
  • Abuse, past or present
  • Not doing well, but you don’t know why
  • Whatever is coming to your mind right now!

Please know that as long as you allow these issues to be kept secret, it will continue to grow. Hidden sin or trouble grows profusely in the dark. Shedding light on it by opening your life and heart up to others brings freedom. The trouble may not go away instantly, but at least you’ll be on the right path to finding the answers and help you need.

after-a-storm..

The calmest waters are found after a storm has passed. You can either choose to stay unanchored where you’ll be driven by the storm wherever it leads, or do the hard work to throw an anchor in the wind. It will be worse as the storm continues, but calm waters are sure to follow. And know this–the peace will be better than any you’ve experienced before. This is how marriages get better and better as the years pass; taking the storms head-on and learning all you can in the process about yourself and your spouse.

Marriage blogs are a great resource, but they can never, nor should they ever, replace real face-to-face communication with those who know and love you. 

Next week, starting on Monday, a dear friend of our’s is running a series that will hit on the specifics of how to deal with some of these secret problems. I am privileged to provide a post for her. I hope you’ll click over to Faith Rising blog and sign up to receive her posts via e-mail so you don’t miss a single one. This may be the anchor you’re marriage needs.

About Debi Walter

Face it, marriage is hard work. But when cultivated daily the fruit produced will satisfy for a lifetime. We're here to help with ideas and encouragement along the way. Having been married 36 years and counting, we share what we've learned with practical tips, Biblical Truths, Date night ideas to help you plow your own vineyard for God's glory.
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3 Responses to “Don’t Talk To Anyone About This!”

  1. Kathy says:

    Debi,
    Thanks so much for posting this. It is good to know that Eddie and I are not the only ones who have had to weather some secret storms. It is better when you can talk to someone about it and know that they will give you input from the outside. We have definitely made it through the storm and our marriage is stronger than ever. Of course, we have our God at the head of our marriage and it made the difference in it. I too, would tell other couples to talk to someone about your own storm…. you would be surprised how many have gone through the same things you are.
    Love and blessings to all,
    Kathy

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    • Debi Walter says:

      Kathy,
      You’re right. It helps to know you’re not going through this storm alone. Thanks for adding your experience and wisdom with us. You never know how much one comment can help someone else right when they need it most.

      Debi

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    • Debi Walter says:

      Kathy,
      You’re welcome! It’s important to be open and honest enough in our relationships with others to where we are known well and able to receive the godly input from others. No matter how strong your marriage, we all face storms–how much better to not face them alone.
      Thanks for an excellent comment!
      Debi

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