Lingering And It’s Effects On Marriage

Linger

Linger…

…The simple definition is to stay in a place longer than necessary, typically because of a reluctance to leave. 

I’ve been thinking about this word lately and the impact it has made on my life. I love to linger in the presence of God. I love to linger in His Word when a particular verse jumps off the page into my heart. I love to linger with friends over dinner as the conversation deepens and hearts are united.

But there are other kinds of lingering that can have a damaging effect on our marriages if we aren’t careful. It’s lingering in the wrong place–lingering critical thoughts towards our spouse, taking a second look or lingering look at someone who excites us other than our spouse, lingering in the company of the opposite sex because you enjoy their attention.

The difficult part of this kind of lingering is that no one but you knows you do it except the Holy Spirit who lives within you. And many times we’re quick to justify or ignore His still small voice.

Why does it matter to guard our lingering habits? Because this is what it means to fulfill your wedding vows. We vowed to think the best, to be faithful, to be our spouse’s closest confidant in good times and in bad. We have to go after our sinful tendencies for what they are–an enemy trying to infiltrate our marriage union.

Many times the enemy isn’t noticed until much damage has already been done.

Frequent communications between husband and wife with honest answers are required to know what’s fully going on in the war.

Do you know where your spouse is being tempted to linger? It could be looking at Pinterest so much that they begin to covet what others have allowing a growing discontent with what you’ve both been given. It could be that your spouse is watching TV shows or movies that excite a lustful attraction in a way that doesn’t honor God. Or it could be that they are lingering at the water cooler discussing meaningless topics with someone whose attention they enjoy too much.

The important thing is to ask. Bring up this topic on your next date or evening alone. Ask your spouse in what ways are they being tempted. Then when they tell you don’t be surprised or react. Linger over what you hear and allow the Lord to give you His perspective. After all, we married a sinner who is tempted every single day, just as we are. If we aren’t aware of the temptations they face and willing to disclose the temptations we are facing, then we are setting ourselves up for defeat.

Linger longer in the Word, in God’s presence and in good conversation with your spouse. This is the best antidote for lingering in the wrong places.

About Debi Walter

Face it, marriage is hard work. But when cultivated daily the fruit produced will satisfy for a lifetime. We're here to help with ideas and encouragement along the way. Having been married 36 years and counting, we share what we've learned with practical tips, Biblical Truths, Date night ideas to help you plow your own vineyard for God's glory.
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5 Responses to Lingering And It’s Effects On Marriage

  1. Lisa says:

    Debi,
    Wow! It’s like you saw my thoughts this morning before you wrote this! Thank you for sharing this and being used by God to make me aware of my lingering thoughts of self pity and disappointment. Lingering is such a nice term for uplifting things but definitely destructive to my marriage when I’m lingering on the negative. It’s amazing how these thoughts creep in and linger and I’m not even aware of it until the Holy Spirit convicts me (through you today). I am praying right now for forgiveness and for power to take every thought captive to make it obedient to Christ. Thanks again!

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    • Debi Walter says:

      Lisa, Thank you for your honest and transparent comment. The next step would be to tell your husband how this habit has affected you and your marriage. Seeing your honesty promotes honesty from him and then you become a strong team fighting a common enemy together. I pray this is just the beginning of a new found freedom in your relationship.
      Blessings,
      Debi

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  2. Bob says:

    I wish I had seen this long ago. I am in the process of a divorce. We will be married 38 years 5 May. It is not my idea and I have been trying for 3 months to reconcile. We are still living together which is hard knowing the other person does not share my feelings. I have made many mistakes and I am trying to correct them. I have placed my heart and my life in God’s hands and continue to pray for his blessings.

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    • Debi Walter says:

      Bob,
      What a sad story. We’re so sorry to hear it, but at this point the best you can do is earnestly seek the Lord for your own benefit and maybe your wife will notice the changes.
      He is in the business of redeeming that which was lost.
      May He continue to give you wisdom.
      Tom and Debi

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