Tom has been struggling with a pinched nerve in his back the past couple of days. It’s making normal tasks nearly impossible because he gets a sharp stab saying, “No, you don’t!” I hate seeing him in pain, and I’m doing everything I can to relieve his discomfort. But some things just take time, patience and lots of prayer!
It’s made me think about another kind of pinched nerve many marriages endure–you know those subjects that you simply can’t talk about without a stabbing pain of some sort.
Most couples if they’re honest, will admit that there are topics they just avoid–at all costs! Like Tom trying to find just the right position where he doesn’t feel the pinch.
Some might be:
- Finances>>how you spend your money, how you track it, or how you make it.
- Sexual Intimacy>>how often, what is okay and what is off limits, or your refusal to discuss it at all because it’s too embarrassing.
- Children>>how to discipline them, what church to attend, how to provide for them, or disagreement about the priority they hold in your relationship.
- In-Laws>>how much time you’re together, how much input they have in your decisions, or failing to leave and cleave.
- Spiritual Intimacy>>how your spouse does or doesn’t pursue a deeper relationship with God.
These are a few of the ones we’ve heard about and counseled couples regarding.
So I ask you–Is your marriage enduring a pinched nerve?
How I pray not, but if it is ignoring it won’t make it better. You may not feel the pinch as readily when you avoid the topic, but once you go there–the pain returns with a vengeance.
I gave Tom a muscle relaxer this morning to see if it will help his inflamed nerve calm down, as well as applying a regular compress of ice to reduce the swelling. It seems to be working because he’s up and moving about without wincing in pain. He says he can still feel it but it’s not taking him to his knees.
I encourage you to do the same in your marriage. A great muscle relaxer for unresolved conflict is prayer. Only God can help you both look at the situation from a different perspective. God brought the two of you together in order to help you both be better people as a result of your spouse’s influence in your life. How much are you willing to let them have the needed input for you to change and grow?
I know this isn’t easy. It’s hard to let your guard down when you’ve experienced such pain in the past. But this is what our marriage vows meant we must do–to be committed to each other for richer OR POORER, IN SICKNESS and in health, for better OR WORSE.
How willing are you to do the hard thing and work together toward relieving the cause of the pinched nerve in your marriage?