Living life with the same person becomes familiar as it should over time. But when the familiar becomes boring this can be the sign there is something else at play.
Jon Bloom wrote an excellent article on the Desiring God website titled, Bored To Life. I highly recommend you click over and read it before continuing with this post. I’ll wait here. 😊
While Mr, Bloom isn’t talking about marriage in his article, it definitely applies.
He defines boredom as,
Disinterest. It’s the condition of finding something or someone [spouse] or some subject or task or some event or perhaps most everything uninteresting.
He goes on to say that “Boredom is not the opposite of busyness; it’s the opposite of interest.”
This begs the question, what’s your interest level in marriage?
Do you find reading marriage books boring? Or marriage blogs? Chances are your answer is no on that one since you’re here. But you may be married to someone who would never read a marriage book or blog for that matter. If that’s so, what can you do?
Marriage is a team effort. If one partner is disengaged it puts the burden of success on the other spouse which can create even more problems.
May I say if this is your situation, I am concerned for you. Who can you turn to for support while you’re doing most of the work? If you are a Christian your help is only a prayer away. Lean into the Lord and allow Him to give you fresh inspiration on how to love your spouse well while you wait.
In order to sustain a lasting interest in our spouse and marriage we must be intentional.
Being intentional means…
1. To study your spouse and take interest in what they find interesting
2. To pursue your spouse on ordinary days
3. To flirt with your spouse
4. To make time to communicate about what is difficult and stressful in your life right now
5. To connect every day if it’s only for 15-30 minutes.
6. To be your spouse’s biggest fan and best encourager so they aren’t looking for it elsewhere.
7. To keep a short list of offenses. Confession lifts burdens in a way nothing else can
8. To help your spouse identify the reason they are bored, as Jon Bloom so clearly describes
9. To have time away without the kids at least once a year
10. To make friends with other couples who encourage your marriage to grow by the example they provide
This is just a small start in how to be intentional in marriage. But the effects will be huge as you put them into practice.
I love the analogy Mr. Bloom provides,
Think of boredom as a dashboard warning indicator that starts dinging. Something has caused your interest level to run low and it’s draining your joy. What is it?
I can’t answer that for you, but spending time discussing it with your spouse might open your eyes to the culprit. I pray you are able to heed the warning signs and make the necessary changes. Your marriage is worth it!