Physical Intimacy – Three Aspects of a Healthy Sex Life

Three of the most important aspects of a healthy physical relationship is a willingness to be vulnerable, honest and trustworthy with each other.

* Vulnerable

Dr. Leman says, “Most men don’t realize, psychologically, how vulnerable a naked woman can feel. The very act of sex is one in which she is inviting someone else into her body. You can’t get any more intimate than that.” page 58

Husbands, have you considered how your wife willingly opens her body up to embrace you wholeheartedly in sexual intercourse? Even if she struggles with how she looks or how she thinks you see her, it’s important to give her grace. Let her know that she is the only woman who satisfies you the way she does. You can’t say these words enough. I’ll repeat that again, You can’t say these words enough.

* Honest

Our society bombards women with images of the perfect body type. None of us measure up to this unrealistic Barbie doll image. If your husband struggles with pornography at any level, this will effect your self-image. Men often argue that seeing another woman has no bearing on how he sees his wife. Women struggle to believe this is true, because we tend to compare ourselves with other women from the time we are old enough to to notice the differences. And we always find ourselves wanting, unless we have a husband who tells us sincerely and often that we are beautiful.

Wives, when your husband compliments you your only response should be, “Thank you!” To argue or disregard his words is like throwing cold water on your marriage. You’re basically saying he is lying. Don’t do it! We must believe them when they say they love our body as it is.

* Trustworthy

Sex is a learned art. It takes practice. It takes time. It takes lots of communication. We have found that often it is more difficult talking about physical intimacy than taking part in the act. Just because you have sex regularly doesn’t mean you are communicating honestly and openly.

The best way to know is to ask. When was the last time you asked your spouse how they see your physical relationship? Are they satisfied or left wanting? Are they struggling in regards to what you do or don’t do in the bedroom? Don’t ask this question unless you really want to know. Healthy marriages are willing to ask such questions in order to do something to make it better. These are the marriages that continue to grow through the years.

But here’s the thing: Guard your spouse’s answers as if your life depended on it. Nothing will break trust more in your marriage than her hearing you share with someone else about these conversations. This is private, and private means for no one else to hear or know what was shared.

This goes for the wives as well. Many women love to bash their husbands when with their girlfriends. May I encourage you to keep your husband’s reputation in high regard? Every marriage has their issues. But airing them is a practice that will tear down the trust between you.

“The wisest of women builds her house, but folly with her own hands tears it down.” – Proverbs 14:1 ESV

Physical Intimacy Prompt:

Plan some time to ask each other the following questions:

1. How would you rate our current level of physical intimacy? Extremely satisfied, somewhat satisfied, neither satisfied or dissatisfied, somewhat dissatisfied, extremely dissatisfied? Talk about why you both feel this way.

2. If you knew I wouldn’t react, is there anything you would like to tell me about our physical intimacy?

3. What changes would you like to see and why?

4. Do you think I am trustworthy? Why or Why not?

5. Have I ever said anything to cause you to question my trustworthiness?

Physical Intimacy Prayer:

Father, Thank you for creating us male and female. Thank you for helping us take our physical intimacy to the next level. Would you help us be vulnerable, honest and trustworthy with each other? We know that a healthy marriage is a growing marriage. We need you to bring us to a healthy place. We are grateful you don’t leave us on our own to figure this out, but you provide the help and hope we need.

Help me be honest in my answers above. Help me be the spouse my Husband/Wife needs me to be. May our relationship bring you great glory as we walk this path of physical intimacy.

In Jesus’ Name,


Physical Intimacy Scripture:

“My beloved speaks and says to me: Arise, my love, my beautiful one, and come away…” – Song of Solomon 2:10 ESV

About Debi Walter

Tom and Debi have been sharing encouragements through their blogs for many years. Marriage, Reading God's Word and documenting family history is our focus. Growing in our relationship with the Lord is primary in all we say, write or do. We are grateful for all who desire to join us in the same endeavors.
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4 Responses to Physical Intimacy – Three Aspects of a Healthy Sex Life

  1. I find that my life is more cautionary tale than inspiration.

    How I got here is a mystery;
    were there signs I did not heed?
    But I find that gentle intimacy
    is a grace I do not need.
    My world’s now made of fire and steel,
    the welding torch and cutting flame,
    the only hallmarks of what’s real
    and what remains the same.
    The roar of engines take the place
    of passion’d breath and quiet sighs,
    and through the shades upon my face
    I cannot see enraptured eyes.
    I don’t regret the choices made,
    but I’m sorry for the price you’ve paid.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Pingback: A Loveliness of Links ~ December 2019 | The Forgiven Wife

  3. Longsuffering says:

    “Nothing will break trust more in your marriage than her hearing you share with someone else about these conversations.”

    May I suggest an edit..?

    Nothing will break trust more in your marriage than (either of you) hearing you share with (anyone) else about these conversations.

    Most sites particularly accuse men of this, but most guys don’t talk about this at all. Within their marriage. Sure they talk about sex, all the time, but it is more in general, I think. Like sports maybe, but not about their specific team. Most men, if they have ANY sense, learned NOT to kiss and tell at their first dance, with first girlfriend, etc. And men don’t have anyone they could trust with this sort of information. Nor should. Any admission of failure will be used to worm their way in and try their luck. Might not be today, or ever, but it will be filed away should they need it later if an opportunity presents. Even Christians. Maybe even especially Christians because most of us were sold a pig in a poke on marriage. And “Church” does absolutely nothing to make it better until a “crisis” happens. I wonder sometimes if crises aren’t being fomented just to get something addressed. Finally. Like a sexless marriage.

    What may be the problem, too, Christian wise, is the person that this lesson may have been learned with is STILL that same person and has NEVER been forgiven. You know because they have never dated anyone else. Childhood sweethearts and so on because, as a rule, Christians don’t date as much. And ain’t as much kissing to tell about either. HA!

    How many wives, honestly, can say that they have never dragged their sex lives over the coals with ANYONE? No best girlfriend(s), sisters, mother, mother-in-law even. Not even once? I ain’t buying that for one second. All women do is compare. And about WAY MORE than just this. I’m not sure I have ever even MET a woman who was, or could be, satisfied with anything AS IS. There is always something they have to busy body themselves about. If not in their own lives, then they will go and find something. Or create something. One thing is for certain though, it WILL NOT be about making her husband happier, or more sexually-satisfied, or more financially sound that she will busy herself with. HA!

    I would argue that men are EVEN MORE sensitive on this issue than women. Because most husbands cannot get their wives to discuss ANYTHING about sex life. Then they find out, usually months or years later, that wife has been blabbing to any and all of the above since the beginning. About ANYTHING and EVERYTHING. And usually not a word of it to husband. Diarrhea of the mouth. Word vomit. Gossip. Whatever you want to call it.

    Not only does it need to stop. It should never, EVER start!

    Want to know why you two don’t talk about anything any more? It is because you cannot be trusted to shut your pie-hole! About anything. To any body.


  4. Debi Walter says:

    Yes, We see your point that it goes both ways. But it seems you have many offenses being expressed maybe from your own marriage and it’s struggles in this area?
    We encourage you to seek help with someone qualified and willing to help you both through these very complex and serious issues.
    Your marriage is worth it!


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