Three of the most important aspects of a healthy physical relationship is a willingness to be vulnerable, honest and trustworthy with each other.
Dr. Leman says, “Most men don’t realize, psychologically, how vulnerable a naked woman can feel. The very act of sex is one in which she is inviting someone else into her body. You can’t get any more intimate than that.” page 58
Husbands, have you considered how your wife willingly opens her body up to embrace you wholeheartedly in sexual intercourse? Even if she struggles with how she looks or how she thinks you see her, it’s important to give her grace. Let her know that she is the only woman who satisfies you the way she does. You can’t say these words enough. I’ll repeat that again, You can’t say these words enough.
Our society bombards women with images of the perfect body type. None of us measure up to this unrealistic Barbie doll image. If your husband struggles with pornography at any level, this will effect your self-image. Men often argue that seeing another woman has no bearing on how he sees his wife. Women struggle to believe this is true, because we tend to compare ourselves with other women from the time we are old enough to to notice the differences. And we always find ourselves wanting, unless we have a husband who tells us sincerely and often that we are beautiful.
Wives, when your husband compliments you your only response should be, “Thank you!” To argue or disregard his words is like throwing cold water on your marriage. You’re basically saying he is lying. Don’t do it! We must believe them when they say they love our body as it is.
Sex is a learned art. It takes practice. It takes time. It takes lots of communication. We have found that often it is more difficult talking about physical intimacy than taking part in the act. Just because you have sex regularly doesn’t mean you are communicating honestly and openly.
The best way to know is to ask. When was the last time you asked your spouse how they see your physical relationship? Are they satisfied or left wanting? Are they struggling in regards to what you do or don’t do in the bedroom? Don’t ask this question unless you really want to know. Healthy marriages are willing to ask such questions in order to do something to make it better. These are the marriages that continue to grow through the years.
But here’s the thing: Guard your spouse’s answers as if your life depended on it. Nothing will break trust more in your marriage than her hearing you share with someone else about these conversations. This is private, and private means for no one else to hear or know what was shared.
This goes for the wives as well. Many women love to bash their husbands when with their girlfriends. May I encourage you to keep your husband’s reputation in high regard? Every marriage has their issues. But airing them is a practice that will tear down the trust between you.
“The wisest of women builds her house, but folly with her own hands tears it down.” – Proverbs 14:1 ESV
Physical Intimacy Prompt:
Plan some time to ask each other the following questions:
1. How would you rate our current level of physical intimacy? Extremely satisfied, somewhat satisfied, neither satisfied or dissatisfied, somewhat dissatisfied, extremely dissatisfied? Talk about why you both feel this way.
2. If you knew I wouldn’t react, is there anything you would like to tell me about our physical intimacy?
3. What changes would you like to see and why?
4. Do you think I am trustworthy? Why or Why not?
5. Have I ever said anything to cause you to question my trustworthiness?
Physical Intimacy Prayer:
Father, Thank you for creating us male and female. Thank you for helping us take our physical intimacy to the next level. Would you help us be vulnerable, honest and trustworthy with each other? We know that a healthy marriage is a growing marriage. We need you to bring us to a healthy place. We are grateful you don’t leave us on our own to figure this out, but you provide the help and hope we need.
Help me be honest in my answers above. Help me be the spouse my Husband/Wife needs me to be. May our relationship bring you great glory as we walk this path of physical intimacy.
In Jesus’ Name,
Physical Intimacy Scripture:
“My beloved speaks and says to me: Arise, my love, my beautiful one, and come away…” – Song of Solomon 2:10 ESV