I was praying about this post not sure exactly what needed to be said. That’s when the above rhyme came to me. I had to read it, write it, think about it and then I realized the truth in its simple meter.
I came into our marriage with many life experiences both good and bad. The thing is I didn’t know the difference. I had formed opinions of myself that were not true. The way I discovered this was hearing how Tom saw me. My first reaction was to discount his thoughts as I clung to the lies I had always believed.
The same was true for him. He immediately felt comfortable with me on our first date. Things that made him self-conscious on other dates didn’t happen with us. Why? I have no logical answer other than we were meant to be together.
I don’t believe in soul mates, per se. At least not in the way many define them. I know God has called me to be with Tom, but he isn’t the one who fulfills me or completes me. Only God can do that for me. And it’s the same with him.
However, God uses marriage in a marvelous way to take two sinners and make them more like Christ as they learn to lay their lives down for each other. I used to think only about me and my own interests. Now Tom and his interests have just as much priority in my heart and mind. It has taken years to get him to that place in my heart. Not because I didn’t love him, but because I had to unpack all the lies about myself that was taking up so much space.
Do you realize the compliments your spouse says about you are true to them? Whether or not you believe what they say, it is still true.
How do you respond when you spouse compliments your appearance, your accomplishments or your character?
Do you disbelieve them? If you do, can I encourage you to reconsider why? Who told you the opposite of what your spouse is saying? Was it you or someone who was supposed to love you? Remember you have an enemy that wants nothing more than to keep you caught in this trap.
Once you are married the only opinion that matters is what your spouse thinks of you.
If you struggle to believe the compliments they give you, please take this matter to heart. Pushing it away only keeps the lies active. It’s time to push the lies away and trust that your spouse loves you and wouldn’t lie to you about such things. Ask God to help you see yourself as your spouse sees you.
One of my favorite scenes from the movie, The Help, shows a little girl that she must believe the truth of who she is, not what she hears or believes inside her…
Of course, if your spouse belittles you or puts you down on a regular basis, you need help. Do not delay. A spouse should never be the source of the lies we embrace. This is not normal and it is not healthy. Seek help, even if you are the only one willing to go. Your mind and heart need the truth.
Take a few minutes and think of the times your spouse has said something kind or complimentary to you. Do you believe them or brush those positive thoughts aside? May I nudge you to ask God what He thinks of you? You may be surprised to hear that He sees you perfect in light of Christ in you.
Maybe it’s time to surrender the lies and begin walking in the truth of who your spouse and God says you are.
This is how the Good News of the Gospel invades our reality and makes all the difference. We are fearfully and wonderfully made, and our marriages are created to model how Christ sees us and loves us.
Emotional Intimacy Prompt: Ask your spouse, in what ways do I disregard the things you say about me? What can I do to reverse this pattern?