You Could Be Dissing Your Marriage And Not Know It

Photo Credit: Sodahead.com

Photo Credit: Sodahead.com

To diss someone is to: —v.t. 1. to show disrespect for; affront. 2. to disparage; belittle. 

As you can see to dis your spouse is not the way God intends for husbands and wives to relate. We are to show high regard and honor for each other.  Christ even goes so far as to tell the husband to love his wife as he loves himself! It is a high calling and one that takes the indwelling work of the Holy Spirit to accomplish.

Believe it or not, there are many varieties of disses in marriage. This is why we think they could be alive and well in many marriages and neither the husband or wife are aware of it. We want to share with you some common disses:

DIS-RESPECT – To disrespect someone is to have contempt for them and to treat rudely. However, many times disrespect isn’t so obvious to those who are being disrespected. For example, a wife could ask her husband to do something for the umpteenth time. When he hears the same old request he turns his head and rolls his eyes. This is disrespect on full display. The wife too will roll her eyes when her husband offers a suggestion on how to do something in a different way. This dis should have no place in marriage. However, we are both sinners in need of a Savior. We will disrespect one another. The thing is, we must be quick to confess our sin, not cover it up and hope they didn’t notice. Only you know when there is disrespect in your heart toward your spouse. Don’t delay. Go to your spouse and talk about it. If that sounds impossible, then ask for a godly friend or pastor to meet with you.

DIS-REGARD – To disregard is to pay no attention to or to leave out of consideration. This happens when one spouse makes big decisions without consulting the other. It could be with financial matters, career decisions, hobbies, etc. Our spouse should be included on all decisions regarding the family. There should be nothing hidden from the other. We even encourage husbands and wives to connect throughout the day as much as possible. A quick phone call gives you both insight into the pressures the other is facing.  This one thing does more to divert this “dis” from taking place than anything else. Talk deeply, talk often and watch how it helps you regard more highly each other’s opinions.

DIS-MEMBER – Ok, this one may sound gruesome, but we’re not talking a physical dismemberment here. What we’re talking about is the habit of cutting your spouse off when they’re talking, or cutting your spouse down in front of others. Do you interrupt your spouse when they’re telling a story to friends? Do you correct them for every little thing? Do you have unresolved conflicts? Do you bring attention to them while in public in a condescending way? Are you quick to point out your spouse’s failures, and all the while you’re failing to admit your own? Then, you are dismembering your marriage. Tom has often counseled couples saying our cutting words are like tiny arrows that pierce our marriage. One cutting word alone won’t do much damage, but over a long period of time these sharp words can kill a marriage. It’s best to be aware of this temptation, and confess it quickly when you find yourself doing it.

DIS-ENGAGE – I learned how to drive a stick-shift VW bug when I was 16. It was my first car, and I loved it. However, I found it challenging to learn how to smoothly disengage from one gear to the other while pushing in the clutch. It took lots of practice to do it well. But I was determined. This metaphor fits well with this “dis.” We disengage when we no longer listen intently to our spouse. We assume we know what they’re going to say and don’t bother pushing in the clutch to hear them out. Every conversation becomes a grinding noise, instead of smooth communication. Good listening skills take practice, and if we’re committed to our marriage, we’ll take the time needed to help us do this well.

DIS-HEARTEN – This one is heartbreaking, literally. It means to take the courage out of someone, to dispirit them. How does a couple go from their wedding day when they vow their life and love to their spouse, to someone who is responsible for disheartening them? It’s not surprising for those couples who are trying to live out their vows in their own strength. It is nearly impossible. I say nearly because there are some marriages that seem to fly above such temptations, but they are the exception and not the rule. Marriage is hard. It requires recommitting yourself to your vows each and every day. And for those who succeed you will most likely hear of their dependence on the God who created marriage in the first place.

After reading this list, have you discovered you’re dissing your marriage and didn’t even know it? If so, what do you do? Simply acknowledge your sin. Repent to your spouse and God. Commit to resist dissing, and watch God restore what the locusts have tried to destroy.

Are there other disses you can think of? How have they affected your marriage?
Read more: dis: meaning and definitions | Infoplease.com http://dictionary.infoplease.com/dis#ixzz2YTiagkPU

About Debi Walter

Face it, marriage is hard work. But when cultivated daily the fruit produced will satisfy for a lifetime. We're here to help with ideas and encouragement along the way. Having been married 36 years and counting, we share what we've learned with practical tips, Biblical Truths, Date night ideas to help you plow your own vineyard for God's glory.
This entry was posted in Christian Marriage, communication, Conflict, Difficulty, Forgiveness, Growing Strong Marriages, The Gospel & Marriage, Troubled Marriage and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

19 Responses to You Could Be Dissing Your Marriage And Not Know It

  1. Sheree says:

    Vintage Debi. Thank you for sharing this and for bringing a new light to “dissing”. My husband and I have done every one of these to one another over the years! While God has been faithful to help me see these areas in my heart, I continue to need His convicting and sanctifying grace to lean toward rather than diss him. Thanks for sharing!

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    • Debi Walter says:

      Sheree,
      Your comments always make me smile. It’s like sitting across the table from you listening to you as you share with me your current struggles. And then your invitation to share mine with you. You are a true friend who has helped make this journey of blogging possible. Love you dearly!
      Debi

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  2. cgpags says:

    Great post! I am doing “The Respect Dare” with the peacefulwife.com and personally struggle with Dare #7 on disrespect. Your post gave me new insight and clarity with my struggle. Amazing how God works all things together!

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    • Debi Walter says:

      Oh I love how God provides exactly what we need when we need it. So happy to have played a small part in the good work He’s doing! Grateful you took the time to comment, because you’ve encouraged me so much!
      Blessings,

      Like

  3. I think our society as a whole has taken to seeing relationships, even marriages, as disposable – and thus able to be DIS CARDED

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    • Debi Walter says:

      Great point, Sojourner. Apart from the grace of God we would all discard things of eternal worth and cling to worthless things. This is why we blog!
      Thanks for sharing,
      Tom and Debi

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  4. Osayi says:

    Wow! this is great. I find myself being tempted to do this to people I love sometimes. I have to really learn not to disrespect my family and friends, and especially my soon-to-be husband.
    Thank you for sharing this post.

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    • Debi Walter says:

      Osayi,
      Yes, work on this one aspect of marriage and you’ll be well on your way to a strong, healthy marriage to last a lifetime. Remember the only one you can change is you. It isn’t our place to be the Holy Spirit to our spouse. In fact, we make a mess of things when we try to do this. When is your wedding? We pray it goes well and that your honeymoon is all you hope and pray it will be.
      Blessings,
      Debi

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  5. messageboardtee says:

    Wow – great post – terrified about sharing it with my husband because I am guilty of some of these too! But alas I will.

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    • Debi Walter says:

      I’ve been there many times, but the anticipation of bringing up the issue is usually worse than actually doing it. The freedom that comes from being honest is worth the initial dread.
      I pray it goes well–let us know.
      Debi

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  6. Mai Bateson says:

    We are not perfect and as couples, we have done almost ALL of it in our lifetime but it’s still not late to change! 🙂 DIScard every NEGATIVE ways that will ruin your relationship to your spouse! Focus to God and support and love our husband in every possible way we can! 🙂

    Visiting you from the Happy Wives Club Link Up.

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    • Debi Walter says:

      Mai,
      You’ve said it well…”We are not perfect…but it’s still not too late to change.” As long as we have breath the grace of God is still at work in our mortal bodies, including our marriage, conforming us to the image of His perfect Son. We don’t work to love our spouse better in an effort to win God’s favor, for we already have His total and complete acceptance in Christ. We work to love our spouse better because God first loved us and we love Him and others in return.
      Thanks for stopping by. I hope you’ll come back and check out our romantic date night ideas. 🙂
      Blessings,
      Debi

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  7. Love this list of “dis”es! What a clever way to check ourselves, our attitudes, and our actions towards our marriage. This was a fun but truthful read. Glad to join you from Happy Wives Club as well.

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    • Debi Walter says:

      Thank you, Kristen. I’ve discovered a lot more “disses” since writing this post. Just goes to show, we must always be on guard against it. So glad you dropped in to visit. We hope you’ll come back as often as you like!
      Blessings,
      Debi

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  8. mommyville4 says:

    I love this list and sadly have to say that I am guilty of all of them at one point or another. Our marital tragedy caused us to really re-think how we treated each other though and we have definitely done better on this list of disses since we purposed to be deliberate about having the marriage God intended for us to have.

    Honestly, though, our culture sort of perpetuates the idea that its perfectly acceptable to talk about and to our spouses like this. I appreciated the t-shirt at the top because it really shows how messed up our “humor” is in our culture. It’s not funny. It really does undermine and belittle and creates huge levels of resentment.

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    • Debi Walter says:

      Mommyville, you are so right in saying our culture perpetuates this list. As Christians we should be markedly different, not because we’re trying to earn our salvation, but because we have received so great a salvation it draws us to love and respect in ways foreign to our culture. I’m so glad you took the time to comment.
      Blessings,
      Debi

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  9. Rhiannon says:

    I love this reminder to not dis, to do the opposite of dis. Sometimes it’s so subtle I don’t even realize that I’m doing it until I can really examine it. It creates distance and harsh feelings. Thank you for making the dis so clear so we can avoid it.

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    • Debi Walter says:

      You’re welcome for the reminder. I need this list as much as anybody else. It’s a regular temptation, but I’m mindful of the Truth that all temptation is common to man, and God has promised to provide a way of escape.
      Blessings,
      Debi

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