Boring Communication And How To Avoid It In Your Marriage

Photo Credit: Arina Nikitina blog

Have you ever been in conversation with someone who was obviously bored with the topic? I have. In fact the person actually closed their eyes while I was talking. It wasn’t until his head fell backwards that he was shaken awake. Talk about a yawner! And no, it wasn’t Tom. 🙂

I admit I talk a lot. Sometimes I use too many words to express what could be said much faster. But when it comes to romance we can never use too many words in expressing our sentiments to the love of our life!

Most of us are good at supporting Hallmark. We pick out the perfect card for birthdays and anniversaries. Valentine’s Day cards are an annual romantic tradition for most couples. But what about a typical day? How romantic is your communication on an average day?

My husband excels in communicating his love for me in various ways.

Just a couple of days ago I found a card hidden next to my phone charger. He knew I’d find it before going to bed. I asked him his thoughts on how to keep our communication alive and romantic, rather than boring. He didn’t hesitate in sharing the following list:

Communication that is romantic must:

  • be undistracted by electronic media
  • keep eye contact to show your interest and help stay engaged
  • genuinely express love and care using songs, letters, notes, etc.
  • consist of well-thought-out words
  • have variety – notes on the mirror, in refrigerator, tucked inside a bible
  • be unexpected

Boredom in communication is probably the easiest to overcome. With a little attention it will dissipate quickly. The only reason we get bored with it is when we have an idea of what our spouse is going to say and/or do to express their love. That’s when the temptation is great to tune out.

Another aspect of not being bored in our communication is to be well-read on a variety of topics.

Read up on the things that interest your spouse. Be able to draw them out about the things they care about i.e. their favorite sports team, current events, their favorite author’s latest release, or a favorite movie.

Ashley and Jason competing in the kitchen.

Our son and his wife bless us regularly with their bantering. For instance, on Facebook he’ll say something he knows is going to spark interest or a reaction in his wife and so it begins. The comments fly back and forth quicker than most of us can read. It’s obvious they adore each other. They excel in romantic communication by knowing exactly what will make the other smile, laugh or react.

Do you know your spouse this well?

If so, when was the last time you bantered with them. Bantering means good-humored, playful conversation. Kind of like flirting with your words.

Our culture has this idea that married love is boring love. May we prove them wrong in how we display our love for each other. Let’s grow in the art of bantering with our spouse in whatever way we can. There is a world watching who will find this kind of love expressed  curious for sure, and hopefully contagious.

Life is quite serious these days. What a blessing to have someone with whom to share each day who can help lighten our load with nothing more than a “word fitly spoken.”

How would you describe your communication of late? Boring? Interesting? or Bantering?

About Debi Walter

Face it, marriage is hard work. But when cultivated daily the fruit produced will satisfy for a lifetime. We're here to help with ideas and encouragement along the way. Having been married 40 years and counting, we share what we've learned with practical tips, Biblical Truths, Date night ideas to help you plow your own vineyard for God's glory.
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6 Responses to Boring Communication And How To Avoid It In Your Marriage

  1. Well in my case my husband dozes off frequently. I have to excuse him because he is 85. I just look at him and thank God that he is still here with me.


  2. lyndie says:

    I’ve connected to your blog several times through Generous Wife. My marriage is in a VERY difficult spot at the moment. My failures in the “boring conversation” department I believe have been a significant contributor to where we are @ the moment, as I have learned that one of his love languages is “words of affirmation”. He’s very difficult to engage and I have difficulty synching with his interests. Words of encouragement are not really something either one of us is particularly gifted with… And I have never been good at flirting, with anyone. Any particular suggestions? How does one “learn” to flirt? Especially with someone you’ve been married to for 10 years?
    ~Desperate Times, Desperate Measures


    • Debi Walter says:

      You offer a really great question: ” How does one learn to flirt? Especially with someone you’ve been married to for 10 years?” The most important part of this question is knowing your husband and what flirting with him would look like. But even before you go there, we think it’s best to pray and ask God to help you do what you wouldn’t normally be able to do. Romance always feels awkward when you haven’t practiced it in a while. It feels like your playing games, but in reality you’re not. You waking up an area of your marriage that has fallen asleep. It is uncomfortable at first, but oh the joy once you’ve reawakened love. Lori Byerly linked today to another blog called Spice and Love. The post’s title is: Godly Seduction. We encourage you to take some time and read it prayerfully asking the Lord to give you some creative ideas on what you should do first in this area of your marriage.

      Be sure to check back on Monday. We’re going to ask our readers to chime in on your excellent question, and maybe the Lord will speak to you through their answers.

      Thank you for this honest, humble question. God delights to answer such hearts that are truly seeking to learn and grow. We’re right here to help as we can, Lyndie.

      Tom and Debi


  3. Next time we hang with you I want to meet your kids!


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