I’ve done this more times than I can count. Tom walks in and notices something is bothering me. He asks, “What’s wrong?” To which I reply, “Nothing.”
There are two possible reasons I give this answer.
- I am feeling sad, discouraged, down (call it what you want), and I don’t know why.
- Tom has upset me and him asking the question makes me more angry because he doesn’t know why.
What should Tom do?
If I give the first answer, the best thing he can do is put his arms around me and show that he cares. Words aren’t necessary when dealing with these kinds of emotional struggles. Sometimes, as he holds me the tears will flow and I can think more clearly. I’ll realize how my thoughts led me to this place of discouragement, and begin to share my heart.
In our early years Tom would more likely respond back to me with the silent treatment. It’s a “if she’s not going to talk than neither will I” mentality. And it only causes the tension to increase.
If I give the second answer, the best thing he can do is not take this as my answer. He needs to humbly find out what he has done and make it right. It’s my responsibility to not let the distance linger. The reality is he can’t make me do this. It has to be a conviction of my own heart to lean in to him rather than pull away.
In our early years Tom would have become angry with my response. If he realized the issue at hand, he would often defend himself in why he was right and I was wrong. The argument was sure to escalate. Left unresolved this is where many marriages fail. Pile on offense after offense and the damage to your relationship is immeasurable, but not impossible to restore.
We have an enemy to our marriage. He attacks us on a daily basis looking for a way to hook us into disagreement. It’s as if he is sitting in the corner eating popcorn watching us attack each other with a big smile on his face. I don’t want to provide entertainment for the enemy of my soul. Tom and I are on the same team. We aren’t enemies even when things are at their worst–and we have been there more times than we care to count! We are fighting the same battle for the same purpose–to glorify God in how we keep our covenant strong.
Let our yes be yes and our nothing be nothing. We must commit to no longer play these games. If we do we both lose–there are no winners.
Did you get the last secret letter highlighted in bold above? If so, unscramble them to come up with the secret word. Then fill out the form below with your answer in the comment section (leave the website portion blank if you don’t have one). We will randomly draw from all entries using the number generator on Random.org. To read all the contest rules read our Home Stretch post from last week.
Thank you for staying with us through the challenge. We pray your inbox hasn’t been overwhelmed by our daily posts, and that your marriage has been encouraged and maybe strengthened to continue on this adventure together. That is our goal and why we do what we do.
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God’s richest blessings to you and your spouse.
This is our final post in the Ultimate Blog Challenge to post everyday in April.