I recently talked with a wife who said she was finally in a place in their marriage where she could be honest with her husband. They didn’t have a bad marriage. But they had settled and weren’t working to make their marriage grow. Being challenged by close friends helped them see their need to pursue growth in their relationship. It has only been weeks, and they are already seeing improvement.
We have discovered this is quite common in many marriages. Just because you’ve been married for decades doesn’t guarantee your marriage is thriving. It may only be surviving. It takes honesty and transparency to grow a strong, healthy marriage. As well as a willingness to make time to communicate.
Ask yourself these questions to see if you’re being less than honest with your spouse:
1. When upset with your spouse do you tend to not say anything?
2. Do you find yourself still thinking about what upset you the next day? Do you convince yourself you can overlook it?
3. Are you afraid of how your spouse will react if you told them how you really feel?
4. Does your spouse make you feel as if your opinion is always wrong and they are in the right?
5. Do you believe it’s a sign of a healthy marriage to never fight?
6. Do you believe your perspective isn’t valid?
7. Have you tried to be honest and your spouse didn’t listen?
8. Are you hiding something and are afraid of them finding out your secret?
If you’ve answered yes to any of these questions, you are not being honest. And honestly? You’ve got work to do.
The good news is it’s never too late to make the needed changes.
We encourage you to seek help from a friend, pastor or counselor. Marriage is not meant to be lived from separate corners of the house. You didn’t marry a roommate, you married your lover, your friend.
Ask God to help you be completely honest. I’m sure He loves to answer those kinds of prayers. Maybe soon you’ll be sharing with a friend how God has helped you and your spouse be completely honest with each other. Once you’ve discovered the freedom there is in honesty, you’ll never want to go back to your corner of the house. At least not alone. 🙂
“Whoever gives an honest answer kisses the lips.” – Proverbs 24:26 ESV
Great article Debi!!!
Thank you, Becky!
Can I be like good Jean-Luc,
where there’s truth, then “Make it so!” ?
Since my life took cancer’s nuke
the answer’s always No.
You’ve messed with my immortal soul,
and my heart’s been broken
by indifference that took a toll,
and by careless words you’ve spoken.
But the past can’t be undone,
and by God, you won’t be tied
to a rock beneath guilt’s burning sun,
and I will thereby help you hide
from what’s crippling and too painful
to help you find your better angels.
‘Jean-Luc’ is of course Captain Jean-Luc Picard (played by Patrick Stewart) of Star Trek: The Next Generation, whose signature command was “Make it So.”
I won’t say that Eddie & I never argue… we just choose to pick & choose our battles. He knows he can say anything to me and myself the same…we have always said… “It’s not what you say, it’s how you say it”. Marriage isn’t 50/50…it’s 100/100…with both giving all ❤ Thanks for your blogs Debi…always makes me think….love ya!
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