Fragrant Aroma: Marry Me

Posted on January 28, 2011 by Debi Walter

Photo from White Lace Wedding

This week I had the privilege of sitting with a newly engaged young woman who will be married in less than 5 months.  She asked me to be her wedding coordinator, something I enjoy doing for close friends and their grown daughters.  It was another one of those moments providing me a window where I  can look out and enjoy the present view, but also with a view looking back 32 years to when I was sitting in her place.

Planning a wedding is what every girl dreams of.  It is the time when one man has captured your heart, and as a result, you know your life will never be the same.  The anticipation is constant and the joy is nearly tangible.

We have watched older singles wait for the right one to come along, and entered into their joy when it finally happened.  And we’ve watched young adults, barely old enough to vote, find their life’s mate, who marry young and succeed.  On the contrary we’ve watched many couples struggle seemingly non-stop for years in their marriage.  But one thing is sure – God is the author of all marriages, whether He is acknowledged or not.  Marriage was His idea!  He created it.  He is glorified by it.  And He alone can help those struggling to find their pace.  This is why we blog – to help marriages become all God intends for it to be.

As I sat in my hairstylists chair this week, with Tom sitting two chairs down, we heard a song on the radio by Train titled, Marry Me.  If I had it to do all over again – I would still say yes!  With all the ups and downs and hardships along the way, Tom knows me best and loves me still!  This amazing fact causes my heart to glorify God for all He has done!

Take some time to watch the video and reflect back on how your love began.  Then, share your story with us!  Something is rekindled in our hearts as we retell the story of how our love began, when we heard (or said) these two precious words, Marry Me!  I will never forget that day.  Enjoy…

Posted in A Fragrant Aroma, Growing Strong Marriages, Music, Romance in Marriage | Tagged , , | 2 Comments

10 Hindrances To Cultivating A Romantic Vineyard

Posted on January 27, 2011 by Debi Walter

#2 – Unrealistic Expectations

Imagine a vine grower who expected his vines were going to produce Chardonnay grapes, only to discover the fruit a luscious, dark purple.  The purple grapes weren’t bad, but they weren’t what the vine grower was expecting.  Even with his good crop he was greatly disappointed.

So it is in marriage.  A husband considers romance to be one way and the wife considers it to be another.  The wife provides many romantic gestures which go unnoticed by her husband, because it wasn’t romantic to him.  The husband can spend precious time doing what he thinks will bless and romance his wife only to discover she didn’t appreciate it at all.  What is wrong?  Are the gestures extended not romantic or thoughtful?  No.  Are the recipients ungrateful and self-absorbed?  No.  The spouse is simply not romancing their spouse in a way that is romantic to them!

This is a great truth that once practiced is sure to produce lasting fruit.  Study your spouse.  Find out what romance means to them?  It may surprise you!  But if you do your homework you will become the master of what really turns your spouse on!  There will be no disappointments when you are romancing and loving your spouse in the way that means the most to them!

Tom loves a clean, neat house.  He feels loved and cared for when I take the time to make our bedroom clutter free.  Me?  I love it when Tom touches me, giving me back rubs, foot rubs and brushes my hair.  This small gesture melts away any stress I’ve experienced during the day. We have learned how to bless each other as an extension of our love and care.

I recently talked with a wife who was looking for creative ideas for an upcoming anniversary.  I thought of a few ideas that might work, and she loved them.  But she explained her husband would think those ideas were corny.  It was sad to me.  Not because he wanted to be romanced his way, but because he was placing limitations on his wife.  Believe me, I speak from experience when I say, Tom has often thought my ideas were corny, but he was a good sport and went along with it so as not to disappoint me.  The amazing thing to him was most of the time he enjoyed it, with a couple of exceptions.  This is being adventurous and willing to try something you wouldn’t normally find appealing.

So, why not go along with off the wall ideas your spouse may have for romance.  If nothing else your spouse will enjoy immensely the time together, which is certain to pay off later in the privacy of your bedroom.   🙂

One of our favorite author and speakers is Paul David Tripp.  He has a new book out which covers this topic well.  It is called, “What Did You Expect?” Below is a video trailer he produced to promote this new project.  If this is an area of conflict you’ve come upon often in your marriage, we highly recommend you do something about it.  Let this be the year where you no longer struggle with unrealistic expectations.  God is providing you the help you need, we encourage you to go after it in 2011, so one year from now you will enjoy the Chardonnay grapes as much as the Merlot grapes.

Posted in Difficulty, Hindrances to Romance | 7 Comments

Romantic Orlando – Hot Olives

Posted on January 26, 2011 by Tom and Debi

Hot Olives Simple Gourmet

601 South New York Avenue
(the corner of Fairbanks & New York)
Winter Park, Florida 32789
Tel:  407.629.1030
Our date night this week took us to Hot Olives.  It’s a restaurant in downtown Winter Park that recently moved.  We weren’t sure we would like to new location, but after visiting tonight – we believe it was a good move.  The inside seating area is large enough where you don’t feel crowded – always a plus for intimate conversation.  The outdoor space is smaller than what they used to have, but once they finish decorating, it will be very nice.

The menu at first glance seems expensive, however, after ordering a shared meal we were able to keep the cost down.  We highly recommend their signature appetizer appropriately named, Hot Olives.  They serve it in a martini glass along with a bleu cheese salsa.  It would be worth the visit just for this appetizer alone.  It was that good!

So this is the first post in our series titled Romantic Orlando.  We hope it will inspire you to explore parts of Central Florida you may have missed.  Or if you’re visiting, to enjoy some out-of-the-way romantic spots the tour guides will never tell you about.

Romantic Regards from Orlando!

Posted in Date Night Ideas, Orlando Date Ideas, Romance in Marriage, romantic date nights, Romantic Orlando | Tagged | 2 Comments

How Rude!

Posted on January 25, 2011 by Debi Walter

When our kids were little they loved the television sitcom, Full House.  We constantly had discussions about the bad attitudes displayed, including disrespect towards good old dad.  But the middle daughter was the queen of these attitudes.  Whenever anyone crossed her path, she blurted, “How rude!”  Amazing how this little phrase still crosses my mind decades later!

It happened yesterday while driving.  Going along a bit above the speed limit just to keep from being overrun by the hoard, I didn’t noticed the road demon on my tail.  Very grateful I hadn’t, because I may have flinched.  Not a good thing to do while driving.

He sped past me as if I had greatly offended his plans.  I certainly didn’t mean to ruin his day, but he didn’t stick around long enough to know.  In no time he was way down the road tailgating another car.  I felt flustered and annoyed.  The question begs itself, why was he so rude?  Who made him king of the road?   I had a choice to make – let this effect my day, or choose to overlook and forget it.

By God’s grace, I chose the latter, but He wanted me to notice something important.

I realized how easily I can treat my husband this way, not on the road, but in our conversations. I have my mind on something when he asks a simple question, interrupting my thoughts.  It’s as if I’m cruising along at high speed when his question stops my progress.  I can choose to be rude by blurting out an answer wanting only to get back up to speed.  Or I can stop, look him in the eye and listen.

I don’t want to treat my husband this way.  I want him to know he has my full attention.  Easy?  No.  But it is what we should strive for.

The next time Tom wants to talk when I’ve got something else on my mind, I pray I will remember the rude driver, pause, and choose to treat him with the respect he deserves.  After all, chances are both of us will end up at the same red light down the road proving the fact that being impatient and in a hurry doesn’t get you to where you’re going faster.  It only makes you more stressed along the way.

Let’s make time for one another and be kind in the process.

 

Posted in Christian Marriage, communication, Growing Strong Marriages | 3 Comments

Mark Your Calendar

Posted on January 24, 2011 by Debi Walter

from Swoopmedia

We make our plans, but sometimes those plans fall through.  So far 2011 has been full of cancellations, rescheduling and postponing.  But we continue to plan.  Why?  Because it’s worth it!  We love spending time with family, friends and each other.  Even though sickness has prevented many events, dinners and date nights, we still hope for the time when we can once again make plans that actually happen.

When plans fall through are you more apt to reschedule or simply cancel?

Rescheduling certainly takes time and effort.  But it’s the things we value which makes the effort so worth it!  So, if you’re well this week – thank God, and make plans to have some time alone together either in the comfort of your home OR by going out.

As a weekly addition to our Mark Your Calendar posts, we’re going to start including “Fun Dates to Celebrate This Week,” in order to spark ideas for those everyday moments worth celebrating.  Remember, our monthly Here’s To Us Contest is on the 12th of each month where we’ll ask you what special moment worth celebrating stood out to you the previous month.  So read this list and see if any are worth highlighting or celebrating in your schedule.  I’ve added a couple of ideas next to some just to help get us thinking!

Fun Dates To Celebrate:

Sunday, January 23rd is National Pie Day.  Celebrate by baking or buying a pie to enjoy this great American dessert.

Monday, January 24th  Compliment Day – send regular texts to your spouse.

Tuesday – 25 Opposite Day – talk at dinner in opposites – sure to make you laugh.

Wednesday – 26 Spouse’s Day – so many options with this one!

Thursday – 27 Chocolate Cake Day – bake one to enjoy!

Thursday – 27 Punch the Clock Day

Friday – 28 Fun at Work Day

Friday – 28 National Kazoo Day

Saturday – 29 National Puzzle Day – buy a jigsaw puzzle to do together.

Saturday – 29 National Cornchip Day – with a pot of steaming hot chili!

______________________________________

And for those who want a Date Night here’s what’s happening around Orlando this week:

CENTRAL

  • Winter Park – Popcorn Flicks in the Park presents It Happened One Night, the classic film from 1934 which one numerable Oscars including Best Picture.  Bring your blanket and chairs – showtime is at 7p.  FREE.
  • Downtown – Orlando Philharmonic Orchestra presents, That’s Amore, on Saturday, January 29th at the Bob Carr Auditorium.  Check sight for ticket prices and performance times.
  • Downtown – The Grand Bohemian features live music every night of the week.  Check out their schedule for a very romantic evening.

NORTH

EAST

WEST

  • Clermont – Historic Village is opened on Saturday and Sundays from 2 – 4p.  The cost is FREE.
  • Clermont – Lakeridge Winery presents the final day of the Winter Music Series 2011 on Saturday, January 29th from 2p – 4p.  Cost is FREE.
Posted in Creative Dates, Date Night Ideas, Dating Your Spouse, Mark Your Calendars (time sensitive) | Tagged , | 3 Comments

A Fragrant Aroma – Though I walk…

Posted on January 21, 2011 by Debi Walter

..through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil.  For Thou art with me.

This past week we had the privilege of walking with a dear friend through this valley as she said her final goodbyes to her husband.  He died peacefully with her by his side at the young age of 59.  He had only been sick for three weeks!

There was another time years ago when Tom and I were called to our next-door neighbors house.  She and her husband were like family to us.  They loved us and our children and entered into our joy with every stage of parenting we faced.  They were not only mentors, but dear friends.   Mr. S. had been very sick for over a year.  Mrs. S. had lovingly cared for him every moment of every day and always with a smile on her face.  She loved him dearly.

One afternoon the phone rang.  It was Mrs. S. crying asking if we could come over.  I was grateful Tom had just come home from work, so we ran over together.  Mr. S. had passed away only moments before, and she wanted us – she needed us – to be there for help and support.  We waited until the funeral home director arrived.  Tom walked with her into the bedroom so she could say goodbye before he was taken away.  It was the hardest thing I had ever faced in my twenty-something years.  Yet I wouldn’t have been anywhere else.

Mrs. S. taught me how to garden, how to clean, how to care for my home and family, but on this day she taught me how to let go.  It was his moment to leave this earth for Heaven, and we were invited to have a front row seat.

This past Tuesday night as we witnessed another friend say goodbye to her husband, she told the story of how he loved to buy her gifts.  The last one he had delivered to her office was two small bamboo shoots that intertwined at the top to make a heart.

She was sad a few months ago when one of the bamboo shoots died, leaving only half a heart…(she paused)

“this is how my heart feels tonight – like half of it has died.”

From there she moved to the piano to play her husband’s favorite song as a tribute to their life and love.  There wasn’t a dry eye in the place.  I know her husband would have been undone by the kind words spoken and memories shared.  He will be missed.

With these two women I saw incredible grace for the moment.  They were walking through the valley of death, but they weren’t afraid!  God was right there with them helping them, supporting them and giving them strength to go on.  Each of us will face this valley at some point, and I was freshly reminded this week what a privilege it is to be there for your spouse all the way to the end of this life!

This produces a fragrant aroma that glorifies God – “til death do us part!”

[photo credit: Rene Mansi, iStockphoto.com, & http://www.melanienayer.com]

Posted in A Fragrant Aroma, Difficulty, Testimonies | 4 Comments

Romantic Interlude

Posted on January 20, 2011 by Debi Walter

Photo: Daiwa Sports

It’s the middle of the week in the middle of winter – the perfect time to take a romantic interlude.  We’ve shared this song with you before, but it never fails to ignite a flame of passion in our hearts for each other.  Gato Barbieri is an amazing saxophonist, and the following video set to the song, Europa, only adds to the romance.

But first a bit of background as to HOW we discovered this song.  If I remember correctly, Tom and I were shopping for a new appliance at Sears years ago.  Our children were still little, at home with a babysitter.  There was a guy with a white shirt and tie following us everywhere we went.  He had Tom engaged from the start as they were discussing – I have no idea what, which is why I had tuned them out.

Then, it happened.

One of the stereo systems was turned up and this song began to play.  I felt like I was in one of those slow motion scenes in a meadow where the man and woman slowly run towards each other – hair flowing, arms outstretched. <pop> you get the picture!  Anyway, I suddenly had the urge to go home!  Who cares about new appliances when there is romance in the air – and in Sears no less!  Yes, it was definitely a Bella Notte and one I will never forget.  Listen for yourself and see if it has the same effect.  Although, you may want to hold off listening until you and your spouse are together, your children are occupied, just in case you have a sudden urge for a romantic interlude in the privacy of your bedroom!

Do you have a song that stirs the passion in your hearts for one another?

Budget Warning:  You may find yourself making reservations to escape to the nearest island to be soothed by the warm, gentle breezes. If you can’t, at least enjoy this 5 minute break!

Posted in Music, Romance | Tagged , | 1 Comment

10 Hindrances To Cultivating a Romantic Vineyard

Posted on January 19, 2011 by Tom and Debi

 

Photo: monamourphotography

Every couple when they stand at the altar repeating their vows to love, honor and cherish one another believes and hopes their relationship will continue to be a romantic haven.  We don’t think anyone purposes to grow less romantic.  Why then, does it happen?

Left to ourselves our marriages will drift, as Stu Gray recently posted on The Marry Blogger.  “Drift happens when life seemingly takes more importance than our marriages… and we float away from our spouse – nothing ‘major’ happens — but things cause us to float away from each other.”

Another great metaphor, which is apt for us, is cultivating a vineyard.  There are four seasons to caring for and cultivating a rich harvest.  Each one is completely different, but each one has significant purpose.

Pegasus Bay Winery

We’ve decided to join the conversation by posting our own list of ten hindrances to romance, posting about one a week, which we believe will give us time to think and then respond.  We will open up the comments for you to share how this hindrance has effected your vineyard.  It should be a healthy dialogue.

Our first hindrance:

1.  Unconfessed Sin – This can be likened to weeds being planted in the vineyard secretly, where one is surprised to find them growing alongside their vine, and then wonder how in the world they got there in the first place.  Whereas the other has been doing all they can to keep it from being noticed.  However, there always comes a day when it is discovered.  Better tell your spouse yourself, before they come asking!

As a husband and wife we believe there should be no secrets – period.  Having been married for 32 years (next month), we have experienced more than once the guilt and shame of having unconfessed sin.  It grows like a weed choking out the good nutrients of the soil.  It is a full time job simply maintaining the secret.

Living with a secret is really no way to live, you’re simply surviving.  One of the hardest things we’ve ever had to do is grab hold of the weed with both hands and pull it out completely in order to be free.  This means mustering up all your courage saying something to this effect, “Honey, I have something I need to tell you!” Our relationship was tested big time during these seasons.  Would our vine make it?  Would the hole left by the weed ever be completely covered?  Or have I gone too far to ever go back to where we were?

These are all valid questions, difficult ones that only you and your spouse can answer.  It takes time, lots of conversations, counsel from friends and/or pastors, and even more prayer.  You quickly realize how much you need each other to deal with your own heart and tendencies to sin.

James 5:16 says, “Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.”

There is an intimacy so deep, only those who have passed through this type of trial ever discover. We all have issues.  We all have areas we need to grow and change.  But we don’t necessarily all allow our spouses access to this part of our heart.  Romance is choked when any part of our heart is off limits.  The first step in creating romantic intimacy comes with a price – being completely honest.

We have had the privilege of helping many couples who were facing such difficulty.  And we have had the privilege of watching God set many of them free.  We pray God will help each of us maintain our own vineyards well, willing to do the hard work to cultivate and protect it. 

So, tell us how has this hindrance affected your vineyard?  Have you experienced the life giving freedom of pulling unwanted weeds out of the soil?

Posted in Hindrances to Romance | 5 Comments

The 3/50 Project

Posted on January 18, 2011 by Tom Walter

In this tough economy we must do our part to help our communities grow and prosper.  We recently discovered the 3/50 Project we thought we’d share with you.  Here’s how it works:

Most of us like to shop or eat out a couple of times during a month.  What if we were to dine or shop only in stores independently owned in our city or town?  It would make a huge difference if we all took part.  Let’s consider giving this a try.  Debi and I have already done this quite a bit, and purpose to tell the restaurant owners why we chose to dine in their restaurant over the more popular chains.  The smile on their face reveals the need as well as the appreciation for such loyalty.

And who knows?  You may just find some new friends who happen to own businesses.

Here is a short list of restaurants independently owned whom we have found to have great food:

Fish and Chips – offering the best in town! Their fish is always fresh, hot and crispy.

Thai Basil – Great Thai food with a charming atmosphere.

Emiliano’z Mexican Restaurant – The interior is warm and inviting, but on a nice afternoon or evening – the back porch is the place to be seated overlooking the calming waters of Pearl Lake.  Try their burritos – you’ll definitely want to split one, unless you’re very hungry!

Dexter’s of Winter Park – One of our all time favorites!  Everything here is good, in our humble opinion!

Roma Ristorante – located in Apopka, it has been family owned and operated since 1964.  This fact alone speaks for it’s quality. Their Spaghetti Bruzzi is our favorite!

Keller’s Bar-B-Q – With 3 locations, there’s sure to be one near you.

Pisces Rising – located near the shore of Lake Dora in the quaint town of Mt. Dora.  A bit pricey – you can share a meal to cut costs.  The sunsets are worth the visit.

White Wolf Cafe – located in Ivanhoe Village – it is a quaint restaurant filled with all kinds of antiques and memorabilia.

What about you?  Do you have a favorite, independently owned restaurant you frequent?  Share it with us and tell us what you love about it!  This is the best way to stimulate our local economy – one date at a time!

Posted in Date Night Ideas, Dinner Dates, Orlando Date Ideas | Tagged | Comments Off on The 3/50 Project

Mark Your Calendar

Posted on January 17, 2011 by Debi Walter

Our regular date night has always been Monday night for as long as I can remember, and I can remember waaaay back!  Not necessarily a good thing, especially when it comes to conflicts, but that’s another post!  🙂  But back to why there are many advantages to Mondays:

  • Less crowded.
  • Gives us something to look forward to as the weekend comes to an end.
  • Many restaurants run specials on Mondays.
  • Most people say they hate Mondays – we love them!

And since our Project 52 Date Nights has come to an end, we have a new idea to add some fresh sparks into our date nights this year.  We are going to spend this year exploring Orlando and the surrounding little towns for Romantic Places worth seeing.  We think this will help us explore places we’ve always wanted to go, but have never made the time to do.  And maybe it will inspire those of you who live here or plan to visit soon to give the places we find a try.  We’ll call these dates:  Romantic Places (in or near) Orlando!  We hope you’ll enjoy these posts as much as we enjoy finding them.

Lake Eola

Now to what’s happening around town this week:

CENTRAL

EAST

  • Deland – Taste of Deland, Saturday, January 22nd from 1p – 4p.  Tickets are $15.

SOUTH

  • Lake Wales – Bok Tower Gardens presents its Moonlight Carillon Concert on Tuesday, January 18th.  Concert is from 7:30p – 8:30p. and is free with 1/2 price park admission.  There is a cafe available for dinner as well.

WEST

Posted in Date Night Ideas, Mark Your Calendars (time sensitive), Romance in Marriage, romancing your husband, romancing your spouse, romancing your wife, Romantic Orlando | Tagged , | Comments Off on Mark Your Calendar

Fragrant Aroma: Scents of Home

Posted on January 14, 2011 by Debi Walter

Home. It’s our place.  The place we live life to its fullest.  It’s also our place of retreat when we’re tired or when we’re sick.   The latter has forced us to retreat all week long, except for our almost daily visits to the doctor.  It’s no fun when we can’t get out.

But we’re not alone; there are many up north who aren’t sick, yet still forced to retreat due to bad weather.  What can we do?  Here are some practical ideas we’ve found to help make staying home more enjoyable:

Bake something in the kitchen – Filling our homes with delicious smells comforts even the sickest among us.

Order out – If the cold is keeping you from having a date night out, consider ordering pizza delivery -OR- try one of the Doorstep Delivery services available from many fine restaurants.

Make your home cozy – Have blankets, pillows, drinks with straws and candles lit to add a bit of ambiance to your space.

Decorate special places to celebrate the season.  I, (Debi), love to keep our fireplace mantel decorated throughout the year as a reminder of how beautiful each season is.  Right now we have a Valentine’s Day mantle, and since our wedding anniversary is the end of February we keep it in place until March 1st.  The rest of my mantle decorating schedule is: Spring, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, 4th of July, Fall, and Christmas.  It’s a fun tradition that doesn’t cost a lot.  Especially if you start buying items after the season passes on clearance for the next year’s decorating. Don’t have a fireplace mantel?  Try decorating a book shelf or wall shelf.

Fix whatever your spouse is craving for dinner. Since Tom has been sick, fresh steamed rice was his craving – so that’s what I prepared.

Wash the sheets and keep your bedroom straightened. Having an orderly bedroom that smells fresh is key to comfort when you’re trying to recover.

Massages. Nothing helps achy muscles like a gentle back massage.

Movies are a great diversion from the present.  Rent or borrow some classics and enjoy the cinematic escape.

All of these ideas make perfect “scents” to us. What about you? How do you comfort your spouse when they’re sick or pass the time when you can’t go out?

Posted in A Fragrant Aroma, Date Night Ideas, Rainy Day Dates, Winter Date Ideas | Comments Off on Fragrant Aroma: Scents of Home

Slices

Posted on January 13, 2011 by Debi Walter

In Sickness and In Health!

Posted in Slices | 1 Comment

11 Things You Won’t Learn In School About Marriage

Posted on January 12, 2011 by Tom and Debi

We have a winner for our first monthly “Here’s To Us”  Challenge.  Thank you all for participating – some entered by commenting to our post.  Others entered by commenting on Facebook.  We will add the Facebook comments on yesterday’s post, so everyone can glean from the ideas shared.  This is going to be a good challenge for all of us – to pay attention everyday to the little moments worth celebrating!  Now to announce our winner:

Congratulations to:

Carolynn Scully from Orlando, FL.

Here is her special moment: Opening the book, “Living in Love” by James and Betty Robinson. Patrick bought one for me and one for himself so we could read, make notes and then share! I love his desire to have a deeper relationship! After 37 years of being together we still know the importance of growing together!

Now for today’s post:

Dennis Rainey with Family Life Today, has come up with this list of great advice about how to make marriage work.  Some you will see are obvious, others may make you think.  On either account, it’s sage advice:

Rule 1: Marriage isn’t about your happiness. It’s not about you getting all your needs met through another person. Practicing self-denial and self-sacrifice, patience, understanding, and forgiveness are the fundamentals of a great marriage. If you want to be the center of the universe, then there’s a much better chance of that happening if you stay single.

Rule 2: Getting married gives a man a chance to step up and finish growing up. The best preparation for marriage for a single man is to man up now and keep on becoming the man God created him to be.

Rule 3: It’s okay to have one rookie season, but it’s not okay to repeat your rookie season. You will make rookie mistakes in your first year of marriage; the key is that you don’t continue making those same mistakes in year five, year 10, or year 20 of your marriage.

Rule 4: It takes a real man to be satisfied with and love one woman for a lifetime. And it takes a real woman to be content with and respect one man for a lifetime.

Rule 5: Love isn’t a feeling. Love is commitment. It’s time to replace the “D word”–divorce–with the “C word”–commitment. Divorce may feel like a happy solution, but it results in long-term toxic baggage. You can’t begin a marriage without commitment. You can’t sustain one without it either. A marriage that goes the distance is really hard work. If you want something that is easy and has immediate gratification, then go shopping or play a video game.

Rule 6: Online relationships with old high school or college flames, emotional affairs, sexual affairs, and cohabiting are shallow and illegitimate substitutes for the real thing. Emotional and sexual fidelity in marriage is the real thing.

Rule 7: Women spell romance R-E-L-A-T-I-O-N-S-H-I-P. Men spell romance S-E-X. If you want to speak romance to your spouse, become a student of your spouse, enroll in a lifelong “Romantic Language School,” and become fluent in your spouse’s language.

Rule 8: During courtship, opposites attract. After marriage, opposites can repel each another. You married your spouse because he/she is different. Differences are God’s gift to you to create new capacities in your life. Different isn’t wrong, it’s just different.

Rule 9: Pornography robs men of a real relationship with a real person and poisons real masculinity, replacing it with the toxic killers of shame, deceit, and isolation. Pornography siphons off a man’s drive for intimacy with his wife. Marriage is not for wimps. Accept no substitutes.

Rule 10: As a home is built, it will reflect the builder. Most couples fail to consult the Master Architect and His blueprints for building a home. Instead a man and woman marry with two sets of blueprints (his and hers). As they begin building, they discover that a home can’t be built from two very different sets of blueprints.

Rule 11: How you will be remembered has less to do with how much money you make or how much you accomplish and more with how you have loved and lived.

_______________________________________________

Posted in Contests, Growing Strong Marriages, Husbands | Tagged | 7 Comments

“Here’s To Us” Challenge

Posted on January 11, 2011 by Tom and Debi


Tomorrow is the 12th – the day we have our monthly giveaway.  But we’ve decided to change how we run the contest in 2011. We want to give you an opportunity to celebrate the special moments so often missed.  Last week we posted a wonderful article by Lori Lowe, which spoke of finding little reasons in your day, week, month to celebrate.  If you missed it, please go back and read it.

The idea behind this challenge for 2011 is to encourage you, our readers, to join in sharing the little ways you’ve found to celebrate in your marriage.  It may be a raise, a new job, or simply the first date you’ve had after an illness.  It could be finding an extra $5 in your pocket or staying in budget for your groceries last month.  You get the idea.  Find ways to celebrate your everyday life, by lighting the candle you’ve never lit, or opening the special bottle of wine or specialty coffee you’ve been saving for…who knows what – then, share it with us on the 12th of each month.  We’ll be sure to remind you…but it is up to you whether or not you participate.

We love sharing our life and love with you.  But we never intended this blog to be solely about us!  We are only one couple in a sea of marriages worth celebrating.  This is your chance to tell us in one to three sentences a moment you purposed to celebrate in the past month.  Once you do, you will be entered into our drawing for a gift card to the restaurant of your choice.

This month we’re making it easy: Tell us a favorite moment you enjoyed together at Christmas; both husbands and wives are encouraged to share.

For me, my favorite moment was sitting at the table at our church’s Christmas celebration taking it all in – the love we share not only with each other, but with the three couples who were seated with us, as well as the entire room full of many lifelong friends. It was certainly a moment worth celebrating!

Remember, only one entry per person, and you must be married or engaged to participate.  We’ll announce the winner in tomorrow’s post.  Comments must be submitted by midnight TONIGHT! We are looking forward to hearing from you!  If you have a blog, you’re invited to copy our challenge button and link up each month using Misty Linky at the bottom of the post.  Thanks!

Now, if you haven’t figured it out by now, I (Debi) love music in all forms – even the corny musical numbers make me smile!!  I hope you’ll enjoy this song by Judy Garland sung during the final moments of her last episode of The Judy Garland Show, which only aired one season.  It is how we came up with the new name of our Challenge and is quite fitting don’t you think?

Here’s To Us!

 

Posted in Contests, Here's To Us Challenge | Tagged , | 29 Comments

Mark Your Calendar

Posted on January 10, 2011 by Debi Walter

Photo: blogtalkradio.com

It’s great to be able to plan a romantic night together, but what about when sickness is in the house?  Everything stops and the urgent completely requires our time and energy.  We must watch our attitude and our care for our spouse during these times.  We can have expectations to be romantic, when an illness requires us to simply make them comfortable.  This is just as important, if not more so.

As you may have guessed we have had quite an episode of illness all through our family.  Now Tom and I are doing all we can to nurse our coughs, so they amount to nothing more.  But, if we succumb to the virus, we know that although our bodies may be sick, our hearts and marriage are well.  Underneath the coughing, sneezing and early to bed nights, is a sweet assurance normal will return, and we will once again flow back into our favorite routine – US.

What about you?  When sickness is in your house, do you consider this another way to romance your spouse, or do you complain about the interruption?  I have been in both camps and the former is by far better than the latter.  But it is only possible by the grace of God at work in our hearts.  We should daily look for ways to highly esteem our spouse – this includes times of sickness and in health.

If you are well – thank God!  And then, plan a night out to celebrate your health!  Here is what’s happening around town this week:

CENTRAL

  • Ringling Brothers Barnum & Bailey Circus will come to Orlando January 13th – 17th.  See sight for ticket information and times.
  • Orlando Science Center – Experience Orlando At Night by watching the night sky through a telescope.  Takes place the first and third Saturdays of each month from 6 – 9p.  Cost is $7.
  • Winter Park – Popcorn Flicks in the Park – Thursday, January 13th.  This month’s featured movie is, It Happened One Night, and begins at 7p.  FREE.

NORTH

  • Sanford – Alive After Five presents it’s annual Chili Cook-Off on Thursday, January 13th from 5p to 8p.  Cost is $7.
  • Mt. Dora – Renninger’s Antique Extravaganza will take place January 14th – 16th.  Cost is $10 Friday, $6 Saturday and $4 Sunday.  See sight for times and location.
  • Mt. Dora – Movie In The Park on Friday, January 14th in Donnelly Park.  This month’s featured movie is Snow Day and begins at Dusk.  FREE.

EAST

  • Harry P. Leu Gardens – Annual Camelia Show on January 15th and 16th.  See sight for times.  Cost is $7.

SOUTH

WEST

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Live Like You Were Dying

Posted on January 7, 2011 by Debi Walter

We recently watched the movie, The Bucket List, thinking we would end up turning it off.  But we didn’t.  The message speaks loud and clear that every moment we live matters.  We were quite affected with how much one person can make the difference in another person’s life.  Although Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman play two completely different characters with two opposing worldviews – they inevitably become friends, and it is a friendship with lasting impact.  The high esteem given to marriage, even though it isn’t perfect, is powerful.  We finished the movie with a stronger conviction to model what true Christian marriage is all about.  We love because Christ has first loved us (period!).   Faith is what carries us when we aren’t sure we can keep going.  And God is the author and finisher of our faith – it’s ALL Him.!

As we come to the end of the first week of the New Year, we are challenged by the following video put together by NixSeraph set to the song by Tim McGraw titled, Live Like You Were Dying.  Spoiler Alert:  If you haven’t seen the movie, which is hard to believe because EVERYONE sees movies before us, and you are planning to, then you won’t want to watch this video.

May each of us love our spouses more this year as we focus on what really matters! Have you made your I.Heart.List yet?  Why not plan an evening to get one started.  Follow the link to read some of ours!

Posted in A Fragrant Aroma, Finding Joy, Forgiveness, Growing Strong Marriages | 1 Comment

Fruit of the Spirit: Faith

Posted on January 6, 2011 by Tom and Debi

We began our study of the Fruit of the Spirit as it applies to marriage at the beginning of September.  It’s hard to believe four months have passed, and yet, here we are –  ready to dive into the last Fruit of the Spirit – FAITH.

The Bible says in Hebrews 12:1, “Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.”

This entire chapter goes on to tell of the great men and women of old who believed God and the promises He had made, although all died without ever seeing it come to pass.  Their faith was in God, and as a result they trusted His timing to fulfill what He promised.

Certainly there is purpose in the order of the Fruit as it is listed in Galations 5:22 – love, joy, peace, long-suffering, kindness, goodness, meekness…faith!  But the fruit isn’t plural – it is one fruit with nine attributes.  Each one is growing ever stronger as we practice our “faith”.  And the one with whom we practice most is our spouse.

We have faced many difficult seasons in our marriage.  Some were the results of sin issues, some were physical issues and some were simply misunderstandings left to fester.  They have come somewhat regularly like the tide of the sea, yet each time we have learned more about ourselves and what wrongly motivates us.

What God is desiring in our marriage, as well in our personal lives, is a faith which is unflinching.

Photo: Richard Beal's Blog

He likened it to us traveling a road on a stagecoach going full speed ahead, when an unexpected obstacle obscures the way.  The horses, not expecting the hazard, are startled and rear up on their haunches.  Luggage is strewn everywhere; the dust is so thick it’s suffocating and everything comes to an abrupt halt.  It takes time to calm the horses down, assess any damages before forward progress can begin again, if at all.

Compare this scenario to a bullet train traveling full-throttle across the countryside.  It is secure on the tracks, and doesn’t flinch when anything gets in its way.  It’s way is secure because the path is sure.

God has ordained our lives to be marked with unflinching faith.  We will face adversity.  We will have hardships; jobs will be lost, sickness will come and rebellion will inflict it’s stabbing pain and guilt in our lives.  This is life in our world, but faith rises above the trouble, and gives us a vision for what will be.  Our confidence and hope isn’t in our ability to change ourselves.  Our confidence is in God who is the author and perfecter of our faith.  And what He has begun, He will complete.

This is faith, and this is our hope, your hope!

Although we don’t see everything clearly yet, we know one day we will!  Let’s love each other with faith knowing God is at work in both of our hearts.  Let’s believe His Word is true not just for those who have gone before us, but for us today, where we are.  Our marriages will grow as we respond to the Spirit’s work in our lives.  He has promised it so.

We close this series with a worship song titled, Completely Done, from the Sons and Daughters album. Take a moment to thank God for the Fruit evident in your marriage at present and for the Fruit which will surely come in the future.  We can have faith, because He who has promised is faithful!

Posted in Christian Marriage, Fruits of the Spirit, Growing Strong Marriages | Comments Off on Fruit of the Spirit: Faith

Celebrate Each Day

Posted on January 5, 2011 by Tom and Debi

Today we want to share with you a post we think will help us as married couples, make the most of each day in 2011.  Please take time to read it all the way through.  Lori Lowe , who hosts the Marriage Gems website, has granted us permission to repost her excellent article below.  After you’ve read it, take some time to consider how implementing this mindset might effect your marriage on a daily basis.  We are VERY excited to see what comes as a result of purposing to celebrate each day!

 

Happy New Year! Although I frequently avoid New Year’s resolutions, I’m resolving in 2011 to savor small pleasures of life and to create more small moments of celebration. I’ll admit I’m not one for large parties, and even our New Year’s celebration is low key. But I read a book called Love by the Glass, which has inspired me to be more intentional and romantic in small, yet meaningful ways.

Wall Street Journal wine columnists Dorothy Gaiter and John Brecher co-wrote the book—part memoir, part wine tutorial—which is about celebrating and creating romance in everyday life. What struck me most is not how much they know about wine (they know a lot), but how they created rituals, such as a special toast they always did, or the moments they created after work, or when the sun was setting on vacation, or after their kids were in bed, that just happened to be around wine.

While I don’t intend to significantly increase my wine consumption this year, it made me realize that savoring good food and drink, buying flowers or lighting a relaxing candle, or indulging in a favorite dessert are all ways I can create moments of celebration, especially with my sweetheart. Whether your ritual is great coffee or great wine, creating fun rituals that surround what you enjoy can be uplifting. I’ve had to fight my rather practical nature in this regard, as these items are “unnecessary” in our daily lives. However, upon reflection, I think special gestures and things that stimulate the senses are indeed necessary for inspiring an extraordinary life.

Last week, I shopped for new candles, bought dark chocolate covered tart cherries, flowers, and wine and incorporated these items into our regular day along with good music. Basically, I created an atmosphere that appealed more to my senses. I read some good books to stimulate my mind and allowed time for relaxation. I believe the positive energy was good for the entire family, and it helped me think more clearly.

Part of creating moments of celebration is also realizing how much we have to celebrate—a clean bill of health after your checkup, another year of gainful employment, a loving spouse by your side, a bonus or raise, a robust child. As Gaiter and Brecher share in their book, “Great wine experiences don’t compare with great life experiences. Relax and enjoy it.”

One of their WSJ columns (Tastings) was themed “Open That Bottle Night.” It was centered on the idea that we often save special items for a future special time, and that time never comes. Many wine lovers have a special bottle they are waiting for the right moment to enjoy. Others save lingerie for a special night, or never light the candles because they are saving them for who-knows-what. Gaiter and Bucher proposed planning that night right now, creating a special menu and evening, then opening the bottle and savoring it with those you love. They received an outpouring of letters from readers who did just that and shared their stories. Is there something you are waiting for? Memories in 2012 will be what we create this year; hopefully we will be intentional about them. Use the china. Eat in the dining room. Wear the nice dress or the good underwear. Buy her favorite flowers.

What I enjoyed most about the book was the life story, how the co-authors, a white Jewish man and an outgoing southern African-American women with an afro, fell in love at first sight in the newsroom on their first day of work. I enjoyed following their travels, particularly the train trips when they just stared out the window watching the world go by while drinking champagne and eating meals in bed. I was touched by their struggle with infertility and their eventual success at having two young girls, only to be told that “Dottie” had a terminal illness and would live only four months. They doctors were wrong about the diagnosis, but they lived those four months believing they would be her last. I’m not sure if that’s a gift or a curse, but I think it’s one of the reasons they became even more intentional about celebrating every moment of life.

What is something you can celebrate today, or next month? What is a small element you can add to your home or bedroom that would stimulate your senses? How about planning a favorite meal of your spouse, or making dinner reservations if you don’t like to cook? How about coming up with a thoughtful toast, or a ritual toast that is just between you two? Consider placing a weekly or monthly reminder on your calendar to remind yourself to create and find special moments in which to celebrate. Small gestures are fine, or go big and plan a weekend away or renewal of your wedding vows. Best wishes in the New Year for opportunities to savor life to its fullest.

Tell us, how will you make the most of those everyday moments worth celebrating?

Posted in Blog Love, Celebrations, Guest Post, Romance in Marriage | 5 Comments

Energy Rightly Placed

Posted on January 4, 2011 by Debi Walter

Sunday night we were scheduled to have our children over for our annual New Year’s Dinner.  The meal was prepared; the meat was marinating; the house was cleaned, but then it happened.  We had to cancel because of sickness.  I was disappointed because we had a great evening planned.  But I knew we could reschedule when everyone would feel like eating again!  😦

Now the pressing question was, “What do we do with all this food?”

We picked up the phone and began calling couples to see if they were available at the last minute.  Amazingly, three couples were and the dinner was on again – only this time with a completely different set of people at our table.

Tom and I worked hard chopping, peeling and cutting in the kitchen.  We talked about what we wanted to discuss and how amazing God had orchestrated the events of the day.  Certainly, He had a plan in this change.

The table was set!  The food was ready, and the candles lit.  We hadn’t sat down all afternoon, but we were excited.

As our guests arrived we quickly entered into lively conversation.  The couples couldn’t have been more different, yet fellowship was immediate.  Three of the couples have been friends for years – the fourth was new to our sphere.  Yet the wisdom shared as well as the memories remembered were precious.

We talked of our marriage, our life, our mistakes, our dreams, our failures.  It was an evening full of sharing, each one of us, what God had done and what we had learned in the process.  We spent some time praying together for each other and thanking God for bringing us together on this night at this time in our lives.  It was a perfect evening.

As everyone left there was a quiet stillness.  The beautiful table settings were dirty from a meal not only shared, but enjoyed together.  The napkins which had been placed in the napkin rings before dinner, were now crumpled on the table.  The soaking pots and pans,  used glasses and silverware, all offered reminders that there was work yet to be done.

But I paused.

I was satisfied with all the energy spent because we had spent time with old and new friends.  I almost wanted to take a picture of the mess – it made me happy.  It was proof that having friends and being friends takes effort.  It takes energy.  But it’s an energy that must be rightly placed.

I remember in our early years I had to have everything perfect before anyone could come over.  But God has helped me learn to redirect my efforts. Now I know without hesitation, it doesn’t matter what the house looks like or how fancy the food.  What matters is those who entered our home left it with full stomachs knowing they were loved by friends who cared for them on this night of God’s choosing.

Changes are inevitable.  It is in these changes where God helps us place our energy where it ought to be – in loving others the way we have been loved.

When was the last time you had your plans interrupted by God?  Did you see the good right away, or did it take time?

Posted in Christian Marriage | 5 Comments

Mark Your Calendar

Posted on January 3, 2011 by Tom Walter

Welcome to 2011.

Image by Lindsay Jane Designs

As husbands and wives, it’s a fresh start.  For God it’s simply one more day in the life He’s called us to faithfully live.  He has a plan for every day, and as married couples He has a plan for our relationship to grow and mature.  The choices we make each day will either say “yes” or “no” to His plan.  Although most of us probably never blatantly tell God NO, when we choose to do one thing, we must ask ourselves what we won’t be able to do as a result.

For example, when I decide to go out with my friends, I am saying no to spending time with my family.  When I decide to take a nap, I am saying no to my “honey-do” list.  It’s all a matter of priorities, in every choice we make.  The point in all this is  not that naps or going out with friends are bad, but to be mindful of what you’re saying yes and no to, and be sure to discuss it with each other.  Doing so will keep your communication together open and will most certainly avoid unnecessary conflict.

In case you are planning to go out with your lovely bride – here’s what’s happening around town this week:

CENTRAL

  • Winter Park – Winter In The Park – featuring ice skating each day all day.  Cost is $10 and includes skate rental.  Check site for times on specific days.
  • College Park Farmer’s Market – Thursday, January 6th from 5p. to 9p.  It’s all local and all handmade – FREE.

NORTH

WEST

  • Clermont – Day In Florida History, Saturday, January 8th beginning at 9a.
  • Clermont – Lakeridge Winery presents the Winter Music Series every Saturday in the month of January from 1p – 4p.  FREE.
Posted in Christian Marriage, communication, Date Night Ideas, Husbands, Mark Your Calendars (time sensitive) | Comments Off on Mark Your Calendar