Never underestimate the value of time together alone. It is needed for your marriage to keep from drifting.
The danger with drift is that you don’t know it’s happening until you’re way off course. If you don’t have goals set for your marriage then you don’t even have a course to reveal the drift—even worse!
Some goals to consider for your marriage:
- Stay current with each other’s lives—challenges and victories.
- Deal with conflict honestly as it happens. And don’t stop communicating about it until there is no longer any hard feelings. (Hint on how to know—you are able and willing to kiss and makeup!)
- Be intentional in growing together in your relationship with Jesus and with others whom you both enjoy.
- Avoid too much time away pursuing your own hobbies. And when you do give each other this time, enter into each other’s joy at what they did.
- Plan nights away together to cultivate intimacy.
- Deal with any frustrations. Frustration is anger on a simmer, and it will eventually blow up. Overlooking an offense is good and biblical, but if after a few hours the hurt is still there, you aren’t overlooking—you’re simmering. Put out the fire before you both get burned.
- Say I love you frequently and sincerely.
- Kiss often
- Don’t neglect skin-to-skin contact. This is where the cuddle hormone kicks in and cements your emotional and physical intimacy.
- Don’t stop asking good questions. Oftentimes we assume we know all there is to know about our spouse. This never happens, we just lose interest. Build your friendship daily.
- Talk about the memories you’ve made together.
- Talk about your dreams for the future
- Each day you are writing your love story. Make it one you both want to be remembered for by your children and grandchildren.
- Laugh everyday.
We just had a week away in the state where Tom grew up. Seeing his face light up as he remembered things long forgotten was wonderful. Upstate New York (The Finger Lakes region) is gorgeous. It took us a few days to shed the emotions from all we’ve faced the last couple of years. And I don’t think we’ve fully done that. But! We did get to the place where we recognized us!
Remember the scene in Hook where Peter Pan returned to Never Never Land as a grown man? The Lost Boys and Tinkerbell didn’t recognize him. He had changed so much from all life had taken him through he no longer looked familiar. Until one boy took off his glasses and stretched his skin smooth. His face lit up as he said, “There you are, Peter!” What a moment when reconnection happens and they face their enemy united as one!
Our marriage has an enemy and what he loves to do most is separate and divide us. Don’t give him that chance! We must be intentional.
This one week helped us find “us”again and it has been better than we could have hoped. We are back on board sailing towards our future for as long as God gives us life.
We pray the same for all who read this post!