Twisted Words

Twisted Words often cause unnecessary arguments in marriage.

Photo by Danielle MacInnes on Unsplash

Have you ever said something to your spouse and the reaction they gave was unexpected? You realize that they didn’t hear what you said in the way you meant them too. A miscommunication is hanging in the air and you have a choice to make. EITHER snap back and let the conflict escalate, OR take a deep breath and ask them what they heard you say. We call this “Twisted Words”.

Some conflicts can’t be avoided and must be discussed at length in order to discover what caused the rift in your relationship. What I’ve described above, however, can be avoided. But how?

First of all, it takes a resolve to not follow your instincts. 

Instinct means an innate, typically fixed pattern of behavior. If this happens regularly in your home, are you willing to commit to change your pattern of behavior? Maybe you’re thinking your spouse does this all the time and won’t change. But doesn’t someone have to go first? Why not be the mature one and take the steps needed for change? Purpose to pay attention the next time this happens and not follow your instincts. Instead, pray for God to help you with step two.

Secondly, it takes patience.

I heard someone recently say, “God doesn’t give you patience, He teaches it.” People often joke that they’ll never ask God to give them patience because of what usually follows — an opportunity to practice it. But don’t we want to grow in our interactions with our spouse? What if we were to stay the same year after year? Sadly, we don’t stay the same. We are either moving forward or drifting backward. The choice lies at our disposal. We need patience in order to help each other stop doing an old, sinful practice and begin doing it with kindness and love.

Finally, it takes humility.

Humility is the opposite of pride, and pride is what keeps us from admitting wrongs. If your spouse reacts to something you’ve said, humble yourself and apologize when needed.  Or patiently ask what they heard you say. It helps to talk about doing this before your next “Twisted Word” opportunity arises. This way you can help each other grow and change.

A good way to see how you’re doing in the area of humility is to consider when was the last time you sincerely apologized to your spouse for something you said or did that hurt them? Asking forgiveness is an often neglected key in letting go of an offense. Don’t skip the opportunity to humble yourself in this way. Why? Because God promises to give grace to the humble…

“Yes, all of you be submissive to one another, and be clothed with humility, for…

“God resists the proud, But gives grace to the humble.”  – 1 Peter 5:5

We must remember that marriages are being attacked from all sides. We have an enemy that wants nothing more than to see our marriage fail. He devises schemes in order to cause conflicts between us, and can even twist the words we say as they come out of our mouth. Your spouse isn’t your enemy. You are on the same team. Make an effort to get past the instinct of miscommunication for the good of your marriage and the glory of God. He will help you. All we must do is humbly ask.

Date Night Prompt: To help you use words to draw closer together, play a game of Romantic Scrabble. These words will help you focus on the good you’ve built together in your years as husband and wife. Instead of focusing on the words that would twist and pull you apart.

Dear Father,

Thank you for the way you lead us into deeper understanding in our marriage. Would You help us change our behavior?  We need your help to patiently practice understanding and believing the best of our spouse. We don’t want to let twisted words have an influence in our relationship.

We know You hear us when we pray and that You desire us to grow closer together and to You. We trust that You will do this for Your great glory.

In Jesus’ name,



Posted in Christian Marriage, communication, Conflict | Tagged , , , , | 3 Comments

Do You Connect In This Way?

How well do you understand your spouse's job? Their job matters and here's why.

Photo by LinkedIn Sales Navigator on Unsplash

How well do you understand what your spouse does at their job day in and day out?

Today is Monday, the start of another work week. Your spouse most likely spends the majority of the work week doing their job well. And you do the same. The question is do you talk about this significant part of your day together to the point where you reach understanding?

If you are a stay-at-home parent, you most likely share your the ups and downs of your day without thought. Because you both have a vested interest in the results of your time and energy.

If you or your spouse or both of you work outside of the home, letting each other see in to your world is valuable. Here’s why…

  1. It helps you connect on an intellectual level.
  2. It helps you appreciate what your spouse is good at doing.
  3. It helps your spouse be able to download the struggles of a demanding job with someone who cares.
  4. It helps you both draw closer to each other in an understanding way.
  5. You know when your spouse is struggling and how to pray for them specifically.
  6. It helps to have someone else  to carry the burden.
  7. This is intimacy on an intellectual level and acts as a buffer from seeking this support from someone else who cares. like a co-worker of the opposite sex.
  8. It expresses care for your spouse in a way they may not expect.

We all need to know that what we do matters. Intellectual intimacy is a great way to show our spouse that we really do care.

Intellectual Intimacy Prompt: We encourage you to make it habit to ask your spouse about their day? And once you do, make sure you listen well. If you don’t understand something ask them to explain it in a way you can.

Date Night Idea: This one isn’t really a date idea, but rather a surprise you can do for your spouse. Go to their place of employment right before they get off for the day. Put their favorite cold drink, snack and a note in their car telling them to enjoy their drive home. Set the radio to their favorite music as well.


Thank you of the way our spouse is willing to work everyday for the good of our family. I pray for them this week that you will help them increase in their productivity. Give them favor at work and let their hard work be recognized. Help me to recognize their hard work as well. I may not understand everything they do, but give me the desire to learn and grow in this way so that I can be the encourager they need this week.

I ask these things for the good of our marriage, in Jesus’ name,


Posted in Christian Marriage, Encouraging Your Spouse, Growing Strong Marriages, Intellectual, Intimacy | Tagged , , , | 1 Comment

Physical Intimacy – Do You Dare?

Physical Intimacy can be a challenge in all marriages. Are you willing to get the help needed? Just ask!

Photo by Andrea Davis on Unsplash

In all our years of mentoring marriages we’ve discovered personally how difficult it is for most couples to talk about sexual intimacy. This complicates an already tender topic in many ways.

Imagine you’ve taken a new job, an entry-level position with great benefits. There is only one restriction–you’re not allowed to ask questions or discuss your position with others. You must glean from what you hear, read or see around you. A major problem is that many around you aren’t on your side, so their view can’t be trusted. Fear sets in not knowing who you can trust and if you’ll even be able to keep this job.

This is how we often treat our sexual relationship in marriage. We say, “I Do”, and all of a sudden what was not allowed is now allowed and you’re left to figure it out together. This is fun at first because it’s new and your love has yet to meet obstacles. But they will come! How do I say this with such confidence? It is because we are human and we are each unique.

No two people see eye-to-eye on everything, much less an area which requires such vulnerability like sexual intimacy.

This is one of the benefits of having a marriage blog. It provides a way for couples to get information to help them grow in this area by asking questions and seeking help. We welcome your questions, and if you’d prefer to stay anonymous, which we totally understand, just send us a private email. Then we can address your question to the best of our ability in a future post, or refer you to the answer from one of our friends in the Christian Marriage Bloggers Association.

The important thing is to get the help and training you need to succeed in your relationship. We would do the same for our job, how much more should we pursue excellence in our marriage–including the marriage bed. The question is, “Do You Dare?”

Physical Intimacy Prompt: What is one area that you have chosen not to discuss because it is too heated of a topic? Spend some time praying about it and ask God to lead you to the solution needed in order to move forward. Anything worth doing usually comes with its struggles. But what waits on the other side of the difficulty is worth it. If you’ve tried and still no resolve, then take it to the next level–invite someone you trust to help you.

Date Night Idea: What is one way you can express your affection for your spouse this week? Think of something that would make them smile and/or say “Wow!” As an added bonus, make it a surprise to bless them.


Thank you for the way You are leading us in this area of our marriage. Would you help us to find resolve in our physical intimacy for Your glory? We have tried in our own strength and still find it difficult. We need You. Give us wisdom in this regard and help us to increase in our love and affection towards each other. We ask these things in the precious name of Jesus.


Posted in Conflict, Intimacy, Physical | Tagged , , , | 3 Comments

Physical Intimacy – This Is US

Physical Intimacy: This Is Us

Happy New Year!

We are finally ready to resume our Physical Intimacy series, and I’m really excited to share today’s post with you.

Have you ever had something on your heart to write about or study, and then discover someone else who did the exact same thing saving you from having to research it yourself? Well, this is what has happened and I am thrilled! Not because I didn’t have to do the work, but because my friend, J, from Hot, Holy and Humorous is such a quality blogger. I know you will be blessed as I was in reading her post.

In a recent counseling session the topic came up of the importance of the “Us” mentality. I had a passing thought that it’s curious U.S. also stands for United States. What is the United State of your marriage? Are you all in as a team or still defending your position as “Me”?

Following is the beginning of J’s excellent post. You’ll have to click over to finish, and I pray you will invest the time to do so. When you’re finished, click back here and let’s talk about it. I’d love to hear your thoughts.

Resolution Week: Not “You” or “Me” But “Us”

It’s resolution week on Hot, Holy & Humorous! Meaning I’ve been covering goals we should make in 2020—for ourselves, our marriages, and our sex lives. Today, let’s talk about a common pitfall we want to avoid going forward.

A Personal Story

My husband has been rearranging in the kitchen lately. For years, I’ve been the one mostly deciding where and how things belong in our drawers and cabinets. If someone in the family didn’t follow my plan, no worries—I was the one home far more than they were, so I’d just fix the error while they were gone and move on.

Cue a change in my husband’s employment, and now he’s home a lot and moving things around. Of course I’ve handled this all beautifully…

Okay, FINE. I’ve huffed, eye-rolled, and lodged several complaints about the equilibrium of my kitchen being upended!

Spock has his reasons for wanting the changes, and now he was finally around enough to make those changes happen. Meanwhile, I have my reasons for wanting things to stay the same, and I’d already established a system! At some point, it seemed to come down to a silent battle over how a particular set of glasses would be placed in the cabinet. He’d put a glass away and change their positioning to his way (“the wrong way”), and later I’d see them and change them all back to my way (“the right way”).

Yeah, because that’s not causing any tension in our marriage. #sarcasm

But a day or two ago, I was staring at that cabinet of glasses and thinking: I should just let him have his way. Wouldn’t that be the nice thing to do? Then I had an even better thought: What if there’s some way to address each of our reasonable concerns about these glasses with an entirely different approach?

Turns out, there is. I mentioned my idea to my husband, we talked about that alternative, and it will be implemented.

Choosing Win/Win

Before you go thinking I have no business ever writing about marriage because I nearly declared World War III over the storage of drinking glasses, the actual amount of time and emotion expended on our kitchen issue was probably mere minutes. And hey, we did resolve it!

I’m only telling this story to illustrate a pitfall we often have in marriage. A husband and wife engage in back-and-forth debate, argument, or even stalemate when the resolution doesn’t have to be you or me—it could be us.

Too often in #marriage, a husband and wife engage in back-and-forth debate, argument, or even stalemate when the resolution doesn’t have to be YOU or ME—it could be US. @hotholyhumorous CLICK TO TWEETIn his book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, Stephen R. Covey labels this principle “Think Win/Win.” He talks about how Lose/Win or Win/Lose outcomes are appropriate at times:

If you value a relationship and the issue isn’t really that important, you may want to go for Lose/Win in some circumstances to genuinely affirm the other person. “What I want isn’t as important to me as my relationship with you. Let’s do it your way this time.” …

There are circumstances in which you would want to Win, and you wouldn’t be highly concerned with the relationship of that win to others. If your child’s life were in danger, for example, you might be peripherally concerned about other people and circumstances. But saving that life would be supremely important.

Stephen R. Covey, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People

But in most situations, Lose/Win or Win/Lose creates more conflict or feelings of resentment or trust issues in a relationship. It’s much better to look for a Win/Win.

While Covey’s book is aimed at business leaders, he notes how much more important this principle is in marriage: “‘Who’s winning in our marriage?’ is a ridiculous question. If both people aren’t winning, both are losing.”

“‘Who’s winning in our #marriage?’ is a ridiculous question. If both people aren’t winning, both are losing.” ~ Stephen R. Covey (via @hotholyhumorous) CLICK TO TWEET

Who’s Winning in Your Marriage?

My father used to tell the joke that married couples promise to become one—and then spent the rest of their marriage figuring out which one to become. That joke’s funny because of how ridiculous it sounds. And yet, how often do a spouse’s actions convey that’s what they secretly believe?

In the realm of sexual intimacy, spouses can end up playing tug-of-war over frequency, repertoire, etc. The mindset becomes “if you get what you want, I don’t get what I want. But if I get what I want, you don’t get what you want.” If those are the only two options, one spouse will become the Win/Lose mate and the other will be the Lose/Win mate. But then nobody’s really winning.

If you’re always or often winning your way, or if you’re always or often giving in, you’re likely losing the intimacy of marriage. Much better for both of you to get a win.

Continue reading…

Posted in Blog Love, Christian Marriage, Growing Strong Marriages, Intimacy, Physical | Tagged , , , | 2 Comments

27 Years And Still Hiding The Weight Of It All

Photo by S O C I A L . C U T on Unsplash

We have lived in our home for over 27 years. We have some wonderful memories and some we would rather forget. But all of it is proof that we have lived our life here in this place we call home. In nearly three decades time we have:

  • Raised three children, and homeschooled them for most of their primary education
  • Helped them through college and/or continuing education
  • Helped all three of them pack up their rooms, get married and eventually move out of state
  • Welcomed eight grandchildren into our home, baked with them in the kitchen, colored and read books to them in our window seat and had fun times in our pool
  • Sold the business that enabled us to buy this home
  • Welcomed Tom home full-time after his retirement
  • Written and published two books
  • Hosted many small groups through our church, including our most recent marriage community groups

Precious memories have taken place in this home, and something else thats not so precious–lots of clutter.

It seems with each passing season a new layer of stuff manages to hide in the nooks and crannies of our home. There are drawers that haven’t seen the light of day in years, and it’s time to call – “All ye, all ye in free!” In other words let’s take time to find what’s hiding and do something with it, like: keep, donate, trash or sell it. There’s only one problem. It takes time and resolve to  make it happen.

How do you make yourself do something you haven’t wanted to do in years?

Tom and I have found that giving ourselves an incentive helps. This time we planned the garage sale before we even started cleaning. A good motivation to start, but we can easily postpone or cancel the sale. (See? I know how to get out of something I don’t really want to do.) But so far this has been working. At least it was until I got sick. Ugh! It never fails to hit when we are finally building some momentum. But we are determined to get through this project, sick or not. It is weighing heavy on us and it needs to be done.

My word for 2020 is CONTENTMENT. It’s not so much being content with what I have–I’ve proven I’m content with the stuff I have, seeing how I’ve held onto it for so many years.

My issue is I need to be content with letting things go.

I hate letting go of something I might need later, like an almost empty spool of ribbon. To make this problem worse, I usually find a use for it at some point years down the road. My organizing friends tell me, “If you throw it out and need it years from now, buy the $2 spool of ribbon again! You will have saved yourself the clutter for all those years.” I get it. It makes perfect sense. However, I still hesitate when I hold my hand over the garbage can. It surprises me how difficult this is to do.

My Mom grew up in the depression years so I inherited this struggle from her honestly and for good reason. Thankfully, I haven’t resorted to saving butter wrappers in the freezer to use to coat my baking pans. (Yes, my Mom did that). But it is time for us to scale down and organize. I don’t think we have to worry about a full blown depression anytime soon, unless we never get this home organized–then we might all be depressed in our old age.

When was the last time you cleaned out what’s been hiding in your home? Maybe our post will encourage you to make some incentives to get it done like us in 2020. We’ll keep you updated as to how it goes.

P.S. This post inspired me to organize my blogging space right away. Following are the before and after photos of my desk. Yay, me! Tom will be so happy! I feel ten pounds lighter–in clutter weight that is! It was a lot easier than I thought it would be, and it took only 15 minutes. If only we could lose body weight that easily. That’s another goal for another season. For now I’m pleased with myself.

Posted in Christian Marriage, Difficulty, Keeping It Real, Priorities | Tagged , , , , | 4 Comments

Twenty Questions to Ring in 2020

Photo by Nathan Dumlao on Unsplash

For the past four years I have chosen one word to focus on in the New Year in lieu of a list of resolutions. This past year my word was faith, and did God ever teach me what faith looks like through all sorts of mountains and valleys. I held on to Him in faith through some of the darkest places I’ve ever had to walk. It has been a year of growth and deeper understanding of my own heart, but more importantly I have grown in my knowledge and understanding of God and His Word.

Many of us don’t pay much attention to the passing of time.

Days pass into weeks that become months and in no time another year is here. It wasn’t until we had children that I realized how fast time passes. We must be intentional in order to connect the dots of God’s faithfulness in our lives and marriage. If we aren’t we miss so much.

I mentioned in our last post how Tom and I went on the Lake Apopka Wildlife Drive (#LAWD) on Christmas morning. While driving 10 mph for over 2 hours could be boring to many people, I have found that when I intentionally take in all that is around me, I see what I didn’t see before; The sights, the sounds and the scents of nature. At first glance I may notice only marsh grass and gravel roads, but when the camera lens zooms in it takes my breath away. I am aware of the detail I could have easily missed. (What do you see in the picture below at first glance? Take another look.)

Photo Credit: Shelby Ullery Earle 2019

God impressed on  me that it is the same in my relationship with Him. I could miss so much of His character on display all around me, e.g. His faithfulness, His kindness, His provision, His miracles, His comfort and His sovereignty. He is everywhere all the time, yet He gives thought to me…to you. And when we notice His hand at work it builds our faith.

“Be still and know that I am God,” has a new application for me having driven the #LAWD

We’ve compiled a list of questions to help you evaluate the past and prepare for the future. Plan some undistracted time–no screens, no kids, no chores, no TV–and answer these all important questions. We pray it gives you clarity, like 20/20 vision, in the process.

As you look back on 2019 ask yourself and your spouse the following:

  1. What are the major highlights of the year?
  2. What are your biggest victories? Your biggest disappointments?
  3. What would you do differently if you had the chance?
  4. How has your marriage grown?
  5. What was your favorite date? Favorite dining experience? Favorite movie?
  6. How have you grown in your relationship with the Lord?
  7. What do you wish you could have done, but didn’t?
  8. What are the three most encouraging words someone else said to you?
  9. What are the three most encouraging words I said to you?
  10. What did I do this year that makes you smile every time you think of it?

Now, looking forward to 2020, ask yourself and your spouse the following:

  1. What do you want to continue doing this year that you were doing last year?
  2. What do you want to stop doing this year?
  3. What one word, if any, do you plan to focus on for growth? How can I help you?
  4. What devotional are you planning to do? (We highly recommend choosing from the hundreds available on the YouVersion app)
  5. What is one area you would like to see me improve in this year?
  6. Is there something I have been putting off around the house that you would love to see completed?
  7. What 3 couples can we pursue this year in an effort to encourage them or glean wisdom from them?
  8. What would be the best way to make this happen?
  9. How important are date nights to you? How can we make these a regular part of our year?
  10. What trips would you like to plan for just us or for the family?

May God help you connect the dots of His faithfulness to you and your marriage in 2019. And wherever there is great disappointment, may He fill your heart with faith to believe, to change and grow in 2020.

We pray you have a safe and Happy New Year. 


Posted in Biblical Encouragement, Christian Marriage, Date Night Ideas, Growing Strong Marriages, New Year's Eve, Winter Date Ideas | Tagged , , , , | 5 Comments

It’s A Wonderful, Wild Life (Drive, that is!)

Tom and I woke to an empty home yesterday for the first time in 38 years–when we first became parents. But we weren’t alone. God met us in special ways throughout the days leading up to Christmas. Our kids kept us included in their festivities, for which we are grateful. The love we share is evident whether together or apart and that in itself is a gift.

Plans were made to do something different this Christmas morning. We decided to take a drive, and not just any drive.

Not far from our home is the third largest lake in Florida, Lake Apopka. It used to be surrounded on the North side by muck farms. This rich soil produced some of the best sweet corn in Florida, but the run-off nearly killed the lake.

In an effort to save the lake, our state began a major restoration project over 30 years ago. In 1996 they bought the land on the North shore and turn it into a wildlife preserve and wetlands park. It’s purpose is to help filter the lake water and return it to the lake cleaner. This isn’t the type of park with playgrounds and picnic tables. This is a park for the wildlife to thrive, and thrive they do! Visitors come only to observe, photograph and appreciate the beauty found there. I am thrilled to say the benefit to the lake is already being seen.

The Lake Apopka Wildlife Drive meanders through the wetlands for 11 miles. The road is one-way only with a 10 mph speed limit. It takes about two hours to complete unless you stop more along the way. The gravel road leads along the lake shore and between swamp grasses and by an old pump house. Hidden in the brush you can see water fowl and other birds of all kinds, as well as amphibians, reptiles, otters and bobcats too. It is a delight to capture on camera what you see.

Yesterday was our fourth visit and it didn’t disappoint. We spotted 42 gators, and those are just the ones we saw.

Marriage is all about making adjustments according to the need. This year I needed to do something different on Christmas morning, and The Wild Life Drive was a wonderful gift.

Here are a few photos from our day…

Posted in Christian Marriage, Christmas, Date Night Ideas, Free Dates, Holidays, Orlando Date Ideas, Outdoor Dates | Tagged , | 3 Comments

Physical Intimacy – Unwrap Yourself

One of the best gifts you can give your spouse is yourself.

As Gary Thomas says often, “Your wife is your Eve–the only woman in the world created by God for you. In the same way, your husband is your Adam–the only man in the world created by God for you.”

Imagine receiving a gift this Christmas from someone who keeps putting you off when you ask to open it. They keep saying, “Not yet,” or “Not today.” Pretty soon you would grow weary of asking. What was meant to bless you ends up doing the opposite.

Many treat their spouse this way when it comes to sex in marriage.

If you say no more often than you say yes to Physical intimacy it may be time to ask yourself why? Don’t let months or years go by hiding behind your no.

I remembering hearing of one wife who was inspired by God to begin saying yes to her husband whenever he was desiring her. Her motivation was to say YES to SEX to BLESS him. I was inspired by her heart. The unexpected blessing was that this attitude spilled over into all areas of their marriage.

Of course this can go both ways. Not all husbands have the stronger sex drive.

There are couples who find it difficult to relate to marriage material for this reason; The husband relates to what is shared toward the women and the wife relates to what is shared toward the men. This can be embarrassing in itself, and cause them to hide their struggles. If this is your situation, you are welcome to send us your questions for help and hope.

What if this Christmas you were to give your spouse the gift of yourself? And when they ask to unwrap you they hear an enthusiastic YES!

I have a sense this would be their favorite gift!

For more ways to bless your spouse for Christmas, see our Romantic Christmas Ideas under the Only Husbands or Only Wives tab at the top of the blog.

May this final week before Christmas be filled with anticipation of the blessing Christ is to us in our marriage.

Resources to help you further from Marriage Bloggers we know and trust:

5 Things To Guard Against As A Wife With A High Sex Drive

How Libido Works, For Women That Is

Why She Has A Lower Sex Drive

Posted in Christian Marriage, Christmas, Holidays, Intimacy, Physical, Sexual Intimacy | Tagged , , | 1 Comment

Merry Christmas!

We wanted to take a moment to wish you and your spouse a Merry Christmas. May you find moments in the midst of the busyness to cherish each other in special ways.

Be present where you are, and savor the memories being made.

From our H ❤️ M E to yours!

Posted in Christian Marriage | Tagged | 2 Comments

‘‘Tis The Season” Means More To Us This Year

This has become a God-ordained season of reflection. A time to pause and remember all that has transpired in our family at Christmastime through the years.

I remember many hardships and sorrows as well as joys and laughter that have occurred throughout my life. And this year particularly the Lord has led Tom and me to slow down and allow Him to share with us His heart.

As with any time we pause and think, there is always the temptation to despair over what was or what never happened that you prayed would happen. Oftentimes we avoid thinking about such things for it leads to discouragement and drawing attention to our hopes that have been deferred.

But not this year.

We have a renewed faith and trust in God who is the author of all our days. There is a purpose to each victory and joy, which we would all readily agree. But there is also a purpose in the heartaches. God is allowing us to take part in His joy and suffering. It’s true! Jesus willingly suffered for our salvation so that we could lean into Him when we suffer.

This month I’m celebrating 50 years as a Christian. Five decades since I felt the Holy Spirit nudge me to go forward while our church choir was singing, Just As I Am. Fifty years of knowing God and learning how much He loves me. My relationship with Him has grown sweeter and stronger each year because of His faithfulness to complete the work He has for me. And my heart nearly explodes with gratefulness as I reflect on all He has done.

I can’t say that I know the reason for all we’ve experienced this year. But I do know the One who does. And my faith is stronger because of His nearness to me in my brokenness.

The point of this post is to remind you of this Truth: God is near to the broken-hearted. The babe born in Bethlehem came to rescue us from a world of sin. He is able to save to the uttermost those who are His.

We hope this week you’ll find time to reflect on all that God has done in your life–the things you understand and the things you’re still waiting to understand.

Maybe this Season will mean more to you as well.

Spiritual Intimacy Prompt: Reflect together on all God has done this year in your life and marriage. Discuss how this has helped you trust God more or less. Then spend time praying about it.

Posted in Christian Marriage, Christmas, Growing Strong Marriages, Holidays | Tagged , | 1 Comment

Physical Intimacy – Now That’s A Great Question

How often should sexual intimacy happen in a healthy marriage?

I emphasize healthy marriage because troubled marriages have to fix the areas in need of attention before they hope to see improvement in the bedroom. Of course there are exceptions. The couple who married simply based on physical attraction and a shared heightened libido may enjoy the physical act of sex together, but it won’t be intimate.

How often should we have sex as husband and wife?

1. It will change depending on life’s demands. When the schedule is full, you may both be too tired to have sex. But here’s the thing; Even though you’re both exhausted, the desire to have sex is still there.

2. Regularly is the best answer to this question. And that may vary from our marriage to yours. It should always be on your mind and should always be anticipated. Tom and I often say it’s not good to use absolutes like always or never. But when it comes to physical intimacy it should be absolute. No one else can satisfy your spouse in the way you can. And no one can satisfy you either. We talked about this in our first post in this series–it’s a privilege.

3. If you are being compelled or coerced to have sex, and everything in you doesn’t want to, please talk about it.

Communication is the key to moving from where your intimacy is right now, to where it needs to go.

Why are you hesitant?

  • Is it lack of desire?
  • Is it unforgiveness about something your spouse did or didn’t do?
  • Is it pain experienced during intercourse?
  • Is it selfishness on your part? Or demands from your spouse to do something you are not comfortable doing?
  • Have you never experienced orgasm? If so, you don’t know what you’re missing. We encourage you to talk to someone to help you learn how to help your spouse experience this gift from God. We have seen the light come on in a relationship once a husband realized what it took to help his wife climax.

We have counseled couples regarding all of the above, and the path to a healthy sex life is possible. But you have to see the importance that physical intimacy plays in marriage first.

Paul says in 1 Corinthians 7:3-5

“The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.” – NIV

At it’s basic interpretation sexual intimacy is an obligation. To refuse sex is to go against what God has ordained for a healthy marriage. It’s that important!

However, Dr. Leman in his book, Sheet Music, balances this scripture with another scripture that helps us put this all in its proper place biblically:

“…one of the all-time great biblical lines is ‘Love…does not demand its own way” (1 Corinthians 13:5). Just as Paul tells us we have sexual obligations within marriage, in the same book he insists that love does not demand its own way. In short, you don’t force, ever.” – page 48

Did you get that? Sexual intimacy is a shared gift between a husband and wife who love each other without holding back.

Dr. Leman continues, “If you really love your spouse and he or she, to put it bluntly, really wants your body, you’re being selfish if you withhold it. That’s not to say we’re never selfish, because all of us are from time to time, but you can’t make a marriage grow from a selfish attitude for a long period of time. Eventually your selfishness will kill it. (page 49)

One thing we have learned in 40+ years of marriage, is that there is never a rote answer to this question. Each marriage is unique. Each spouse has unique challenges when it comes to intimacy of any kind. Physical intimacy reaches beyond all barriers and requires a vulnerability, honesty and trust like nothing else in marriage.

Don’t allow weeks to pass without engaging in this gift from God. If you are going many weeks or months with no thought about having sex, please seek counsel from a trusted friend, pastor or counselor. You don’t know what your marriage is missing!

“How often can we have sex?” Now that’s a great question! 😉

Recommended Resource available on Amazon

Posted in Christian Marriage, communication, Growing Strong Marriages, Intimacy, Physical, Sexual Intimacy | Tagged , , | 3 Comments

Road Trip Romance

Tom and I find ourselves on the road a lot these days. We are heading home today after two weeks visiting our kids and some friends. 2500 miles accumulated on the odometer and hours of time to talk.

We’ve discovered this is a great time to catch up with each other. Questions are a great way to get deeper conversation started.

Questions to ask:

  1. What are you looking forward to in the weeks and months ahead?
  2. What is currently weighing you down?
  3. How am I doing in encouraging you in the struggle?
  4. What is a dream you hope to see come true?
  5. What can we do to help it happen?

A new exercise we tried this trip was Word Association. I started by saying a word, and Tom said the first word that came to his mind. I responded with the word I thought of and so on. It made us laugh. It surprised us at how different we think even in small ways like this.

Another fun game is to start with the letter “A” and share a special memory that begins with that letter. You can play this one in the car with your kids too. It’s amazing to remember the history you share.

We also caught up on our daily Bible reading. After being with family for a week we had both fallen behind, so I read our devotions aloud. We were able to talk about it.

We listened to our church’s message, which helps us stay plugged in to what God’s doing back home in our church life.

I take lots of photos – the photo at the top was this morning’s sunrise. It was breathtaking!

We plan to stop today at a rest area for a picnic lunch. Another way to make the travel time romantic and special. And I’ll probably take more photos.

Road trips are a great opportunity to connect heart to heart.

Grateful for the journey!

Posted in Christian Marriage, Emotional, Encouraging Your Spouse, Intimacy, Romance in Marriage, Romantic Ideas, Romantic Vacation Ideas | Tagged , , | 3 Comments

Physical Intimacy – Three Aspects of a Healthy Sex Life

Three of the most important aspects of a healthy physical relationship is a willingness to be vulnerable, honest and trustworthy with each other.

* Vulnerable

Dr. Leman says, “Most men don’t realize, psychologically, how vulnerable a naked woman can feel. The very act of sex is one in which she is inviting someone else into her body. You can’t get any more intimate than that.” page 58

Husbands, have you considered how your wife willingly opens her body up to embrace you wholeheartedly in sexual intercourse? Even if she struggles with how she looks or how she thinks you see her, it’s important to give her grace. Let her know that she is the only woman who satisfies you the way she does. You can’t say these words enough. I’ll repeat that again, You can’t say these words enough.

* Honest

Our society bombards women with images of the perfect body type. None of us measure up to this unrealistic Barbie doll image. If your husband struggles with pornography at any level, this will effect your self-image. Men often argue that seeing another woman has no bearing on how he sees his wife. Women struggle to believe this is true, because we tend to compare ourselves with other women from the time we are old enough to to notice the differences. And we always find ourselves wanting, unless we have a husband who tells us sincerely and often that we are beautiful.

Wives, when your husband compliments you your only response should be, “Thank you!” To argue or disregard his words is like throwing cold water on your marriage. You’re basically saying he is lying. Don’t do it! We must believe them when they say they love our body as it is.

* Trustworthy

Sex is a learned art. It takes practice. It takes time. It takes lots of communication. We have found that often it is more difficult talking about physical intimacy than taking part in the act. Just because you have sex regularly doesn’t mean you are communicating honestly and openly.

The best way to know is to ask. When was the last time you asked your spouse how they see your physical relationship? Are they satisfied or left wanting? Are they struggling in regards to what you do or don’t do in the bedroom? Don’t ask this question unless you really want to know. Healthy marriages are willing to ask such questions in order to do something to make it better. These are the marriages that continue to grow through the years.

But here’s the thing: Guard your spouse’s answers as if your life depended on it. Nothing will break trust more in your marriage than her hearing you share with someone else about these conversations. This is private, and private means for no one else to hear or know what was shared.

This goes for the wives as well. Many women love to bash their husbands when with their girlfriends. May I encourage you to keep your husband’s reputation in high regard? Every marriage has their issues. But airing them is a practice that will tear down the trust between you.

“The wisest of women builds her house, but folly with her own hands tears it down.” – Proverbs 14:1 ESV

Physical Intimacy Prompt:

Plan some time to ask each other the following questions:

1. How would you rate our current level of physical intimacy? Extremely satisfied, somewhat satisfied, neither satisfied or dissatisfied, somewhat dissatisfied, extremely dissatisfied? Talk about why you both feel this way.

2. If you knew I wouldn’t react, is there anything you would like to tell me about our physical intimacy?

3. What changes would you like to see and why?

4. Do you think I am trustworthy? Why or Why not?

5. Have I ever said anything to cause you to question my trustworthiness?

Physical Intimacy Prayer:

Father, Thank you for creating us male and female. Thank you for helping us take our physical intimacy to the next level. Would you help us be vulnerable, honest and trustworthy with each other? We know that a healthy marriage is a growing marriage. We need you to bring us to a healthy place. We are grateful you don’t leave us on our own to figure this out, but you provide the help and hope we need.

Help me be honest in my answers above. Help me be the spouse my Husband/Wife needs me to be. May our relationship bring you great glory as we walk this path of physical intimacy.

In Jesus’ Name,


Physical Intimacy Scripture:

“My beloved speaks and says to me: Arise, my love, my beautiful one, and come away…” – Song of Solomon 2:10 ESV

Posted in communication, Growing Strong Marriages, Intimacy, Physical | Tagged , , , , | 2 Comments

Gratefulness Abounds

This morning I awoke with the realization that the holidays are here. And not just in the stores–they don’t count since they began before Halloween; Our home is decked out for Christmas with a bit of Thanksgiving strewn about. We aren’t gathering around our table this year so I could do this, but it is a first for me. I always guard Thanksgiving refusing to let Christmas and Halloween squeeze it off the calendar.

Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday.

Of course Christmas and Easter are favorites too. What we celebrate on those days changed my life forever.

But Thanksgiving is a time for our family to pause and thank God for all the other days, the ordinary and difficult days. The happy days and days worth journaling. The days when God’s nearness is felt and those when He seems faraway.

Thanksgiving allows us to pause in the midst of the busyness to give thanks to the One who holds all things together.

This year more than ever, our family has been aware of this Truth. But God! He has been our help in time of need. He has been our Great Shepherd leading and guiding us through dark valleys. And He has shown us that unexplainable peace is possible.

As much as Thanksgiving has always been a huge family celebration for us, I realize more than ever how my thanksgiving to God is a personal, one-on-one, celebration. He knows me. He helps me. He gives me strength to do what I can’t on my own, and He celebrates the progress I make in trusting Him.

Our whole family won’t gather this year, and normally this would tempt me to think Thanksgiving is less than it should be, But God!

I realize that Thanksgiving is a daily, hourly, even minute by minute celebration of my relationship with the Author and Finisher of my faith. He is good and holy. To know Him is to love Him.

May gratefulness abound at your table this week no matter who is absent.


Spiritual Intimacy Prompt: Set aside time this week to talk about what you love most about Thanksgiving and what you don’t like as much. Pray for each other and ask for God to show you His perspective on this season.

Date Night Prompt: Check Out our Romantic Thanksgiving Ideas under the Only Wives and Only Husbands tab on the menu bar above.

Posted in Celebrations, Christian Marriage, Holidays, Intimacy, Spiritual, thanksgiving | Tagged , , , | 2 Comments

Physical Intimacy – The Sexual Rule Book

Identifying the Sexual Rule Book in our minds goes a long way towards Physical Intimacy in marriage

Photo by Alex Holyoake on Unsplash

Some may call this Sexual Intimacy, but we believe Physical Intimacy more accurately describes this part of marriage. This kind of intimacy encompasses so much more than having sexual relations. Physical touch and expression throughout the day are what enhances the intimacy shared while making love. If neither of you are thinking about this special aspect of your relationship outside of the bedroom, then your sex life will suffer at it’s worst, or plateau at it’s best.

It’s like climbing a mountain. Many try and end up stopping halfway realizing it is harder than they imagined. They are satisfied with how far they’ve climbed and are willing to settle there. The motivation to keep the vision alive dissipates into thin air, and the journey becomes the destination.

Consider that no one else can satisfy this particular need in your spouse. To choose to no longer pursue a deeper intimacy in marriage is to go against the very vows you promised on your wedding day. Satisfying this need in your spouse is your privilege alone! Yes, I called it a privilege.

Privilege – a special right or advantage granted or available only to a particular person.

No one can satisfy your spouse with pleasure the way you can, and no one has the power to disappoint them more than you. We must make a conscious choice which one we will choose. The former will lead to an adventurous marriage, and the latter leads to settled marriage. We pray that as we talk about Physical Intimacy, you will begin to desire change as you climb this mountain together.

In his excellent book, Sheet Music, Dr. Kevin Leman says,

Too  many married couples settle for second best. The husband is willing to use his wife for biological release, and the wife may be willing to “accommodate” her husband just to avoid his incessant nagging. But that’s not what either of them truly desires. Neither person is fulfilled when sex is desperately asked for and only grudgingly given.

So take the plunge! Don’t settle for less than God has intended. Sex is one of the most amazing things God ever thought up–but sex this good doesn’t come naturally to any one of us. We  have to become willing to practice how to be a better lover; we need to spend time thinking of ways to keep sex fresh and fun; we even need to study our spouse to discover just what fulfills them sexually. (pgs. 13 – 14)

Are you struggling in your sex life? There is hope for you and much to discover on this grand adventure. There will be uncomfortable questions to ask yourself and your spouse. You will need to commit to being honest and vulnerable with each other in a way you may have never experienced.

We have not been taught well in this regard, and sadly many churches don’t address this topic before, much less after, marriage. We are left alone in the dark, figuratively and literally, to discover it on our own. Sometimes this mountain requires too much effort without the skills needed to make it to the top, so we are tempted to quit. With some help and encouragement we believe you can get there. And wait until you see the view…

Intimacy at this level is breathtaking!

Physical Intimacy provides an incredible view into your spouse's heart. It's worth the effort to get there!

Photo by Clarisse Meyer on Unsplash

Physical Intimacy Prompt:

Dr. Leman shares that we all have a unwritten, sometimes unconscious sexual rule book. Some of the rules in our book came from how we were raised. Plan a date night out or a quiet evening after the kids are in bed to consider these questions:

  1. What gets me upset in bed?
  2. What in general, most fulfills me sexually?
  3. What makes me lose interest in sex?
  4. What generates the most interest in sex?
  5. What sexual request or act creates the most fear in me?

Now step back and ask yourself why this might be so? You want to ask yourself these questions and bring the “hidden influence out into the open: Once you understand the influence, you can decide whether it’s a healthy or unhealthy one. You can choose to keep it or, if it’s hindering your marriage, get rid of it. (pgs. 26-27)

Practice connecting physically throughout the day, whether it’s

  • a lingering kiss in the morning,
  • a prolonged hug when you both return home at the end of the day
  • brushing each other secretly as you pass in the kitchen
  • rubbing your spouse’s shoulders after dinner.

These small acts of kindness are building blocks to a deeper Physical Intimacy. And it’s a great, non-threatening way to start.

Physical Intimacy Prayer:


Thank you for the hope and help You promise us if we will ask. So today we come asking that You will help us talk about this very important topic in our marriage. Give us the right words to describe what is going on in our hearts regarding Physical Intimacy. Help us both to be vulnerable and honest. May our words reveal our need accurately. I want my spouse to know my love for them is real, and that I am willing to do the hard work to make it strong and exciting. All of this is for Your glory to a watching world. Our children and our grandchildren need to see Christ’s love for the church reflected in how we love each other. May our love be genuine by the grace You supply.

In Jesus’ Name we ask,


Physical Intimacy Scripture:

“Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.” – Genesis 2:24-25 ESV (emphasis added)

Physical Intimacy Recommended Resource:

Recommended Resource available on Amazon

Sheet Music by Dr. Kevin Leman

Posted in Christian Marriage, Growing Strong Marriages, Intimacy, Physical | Tagged , , , , | 5 Comments

One Key To Growing Strong Marriages

Last night we celebrated the end of our 8th Marriage Community Group. We have dreamt for years of having couples into our home for the sole purpose of building stronger marriages. What began in 2016 as a beta group, has evolved into a ministry within our church that is by God’s grace bearing much fruit.

We marvel at the fact that we have had nearly 50 couples so far, with another group planned in January. We have welcomed couples married only months to those married for decades. Couples of all races and religious backgrounds. Some go to our church, and some from other churches. We have walked with them through job losses, miscarriages, parental issues and unresolved conflicts.

Regardless of how many years they’ve shared or from where they’ve come, all have quickly realized healthy marriages require constant attention. And we are no exception to this rule.

We’ve heard it said, “The best way to really know a topic is to have to teach it.”

Nothing inspires study as being accountable in this way. Tom and I have had many challenges in our own marriage as we’ve worked through this material in the past four years. We are grateful for those willing to speak into our marriage and help us overcome conflicts and misunderstandings. We are a better “us” as a result of leading these marriage groups. Gratefulness abounds!

Have you considered starting a marriage group in your local church? It doesn’t have to be formal, but can start organically through relationships you already have. Community is a great way to grow your marriage.

Five Tips To Help You Begin A Marriage Community Group:

  1. Find couples who want to grow their marriage and are willing to meet together on a regular basis.
  2. Choose to read a book together. We highly recommend Gary Thomas’ book, Cherish. He provides DVDs that go with the book as well as a workbook. All are tools to help your group stay focused and challenged.
  3. Share meals at each other’s homes, or gather at a favorite restaurant.
  4. Plan double dates in between meetings to grow your friendships.
  5. Ask good questions of each other. Questions are a great way to break the ice and take the conversations to a deeper level. Check out our Date Night Questions on the tab at the top of this page. Some wouldn’t be appropriate for others, but many could be used in a group setting.

Above all, be intentional in your marriage. It really makes a difference. Don’t let conflicts go unresolved. They won’t go away–they will fester and come back worse than when the conflict first started.

Emotional Intimacy Prompt:

Talk about what couples would be the best influence to help take your marriage to the next level. Discuss what you admire about them and which of their character qualities you would love to see in your own marriage.

Date Night Idea:

Plan a double date with this couple to share with them the things you admire about them. Ask them good questions to find out how they got to where they are. And most of all express your gratefulness for their influence in your life.

(If you don’t have a couple, pray and ask God to lead you to someone you can glean from in your marriage. He loves to answer these kind of prayers!)

Posted in Biblical Encouragement, Christian Marriage, Growing Strong Marriages, Thankfulness | Tagged , , , | 1 Comment

Intimacy In Marriage: Our Poll Results

Our Poll Results for the Five Intimacies in marriage

Photo by Brooke Cagle on Unsplash

It’s been three months since we asked you to take a poll letting us know one or two areas where your marriage is most in need. We had a great response, thank you!

Our Current Need For Marriage Help poll results:

  • 15%   Spiritual Intimacy – helping each other grow in your relationship with the Lord
  • 30%   Physical Intimacy – sexual vulnerability, honesty, mismatched libido, fear, shame 
  • 5%     Intellectual Intimacy – helping each other learn and discover new likes and   interests, as well as support the ones you already know 
  • 18%   Cherishing Us – date nights, romantic ideas, building your spouse up to be the best they can be
  • 20%   Emotional Intimacy – connecting with each other heart to heart.
  • 10%   Struggles with addiction, anger, shame, bitterness, unforgiveness, fears

Physical Intimacy is by far the greatest need, according to our poll. We want to spend concerted time sharing with you encouragement, resources and help in this area of intimacy. We hope to do this in a way that will embolden you to lean in to each other as you pursue growth and change.

Join us every Thursday as we share an in-depth post about how to grow in your physical intimacy as husband and wife. We will provide a Physical Intimacy Prompt to use on your weekly date night to help you talk about this together. We will also end each post with a prayer for you to use in asking God for His help in changing this area of your marriage for His glory. 

“Intimacy is about sharing something with your spouse that you don’t share with anybody else. It’s letting [your spouse] in. It’s laughing together. And it’s also feeling that deep hunger for each other!”
Sheila Wray Gregoire, Nine Thoughts That Can Change Your Marriage: Because a Great Relationship Doesn’t Happen by Accident

We encourage you to purchase the book we will be using in our series. It’s titled Sheet Music, by Dr. Kevin Leman. Our posts will refer to his advice and tips as a marriage counselor and psychologist.

Recommended Resource available on Amazon

Sheet Music by Dr. Kevin Leman



Posted in Christian Marriage, Emotional, Growing Strong Marriages, Intimacy | Tagged , , | 1 Comment

Can I Be Honest?

I recently talked with a wife who said she was finally in a place in their marriage where she could be honest with her husband. They didn’t have a bad marriage. But they had settled and weren’t working to make their marriage grow. Being challenged by close friends helped them see their need to pursue growth in their relationship. It has only been weeks, and they are already seeing improvement.

We have discovered this is quite common in many marriages. Just because you’ve been married for decades doesn’t guarantee your marriage is thriving. It may only be surviving. It takes honesty and transparency to grow a strong, healthy marriage. As well as a willingness to make time to communicate.

Ask yourself these questions to see if you’re being less than honest with your spouse:

1. When upset with your spouse do you tend to not say anything?

2. Do you find yourself still thinking about what upset you the next day? Do you convince yourself you can overlook it?

3. Are you afraid of how your spouse will react if you told them how you really feel?

4. Does your spouse make you feel as if your opinion is always wrong and they are in the right?

5. Do you believe it’s a sign of a healthy marriage to never fight?

6. Do you believe your perspective isn’t valid?

7. Have you tried to be honest and your spouse didn’t listen?

8. Are you hiding something and are afraid of them finding out your secret?

If you’ve answered yes to any of these questions, you are not being honest. And honestly? You’ve got work to do.

The good news is it’s never too late to make the needed changes.

We encourage you to seek help from a friend, pastor or counselor. Marriage is not meant to be lived from separate corners of the house. You didn’t marry a roommate, you married your lover, your friend.

Ask God to help you be completely honest. I’m sure He loves to answer those kinds of prayers. Maybe soon you’ll be sharing with a friend how God has helped you and your spouse be completely honest with each other. Once you’ve discovered the freedom there is in honesty, you’ll never want to go back to your corner of the house. At least not alone. 🙂

“Whoever gives an honest answer kisses the lips.” – Proverbs 24:26 ESV

Posted in Biblical Encouragement, Christian Marriage, communication, Emotional, Growing Strong Marriages, Intimacy | Tagged , , | 5 Comments

Near Miss

All marriages experience emergency situations. Are you prepared for them when they hit?

Sometimes we have a near miss and don’t even realize it, but not this time. This time I happened to be looking out our window at 35,000′ when a Southwest Jet flew by our window going in the opposite direction. It was really close. Close enough that the pilots could have waved at each other as they passed.

It was a near miss that could have been tragic!

There are probably close to 200 passengers on our flight and most didn’t even see the jet; it happened so fast. But I saw it and for a second fear gripped me thinking of the “what if’s”. I’m tempted to ask the pilot about it as we exit the plane.

But God!

He is the ultimate pilot of every circumstance we face. I don’t have to fear the “what if’s” because He is in control of my life. I trust Him.

What about the near misses we have in our marriage? An unexpected conflict comes up out of the blue, and you have a choice to make: Swerve to avoid impact, or keep going full speed ahead. It happens so quickly that the impact can happen before you know it.

How many of us have memorized the emergency procedures set up on airplanes? If we’re honest, most of us tune out the instructions. If there were an actual emergency requiring the use of the various safety devices we would all struggle to remember what the flight attendant said before take-off. We would do well to pay attention.

The same applies to our marriages. Have you taken the time to consider the safety features of marriage?

  • Seat Belt – This is like our vows keeping us safely in place. You can’t wander off without making a conscious decision to undo the seatbelt.
  • Oxygen Mask – Sometimes the pressure changes drastically in your relationship. So much so that it takes your breath away. This is when it is good to pause and breathe fresh grace into your marriage. Give your spouse the benefit of the doubt. Don’t panic thinking the worst. You are on the same team and working to help each other through the crisis.
  • Flotation Device – Sometimes the crash is inevitable. It happens to the best of marriages, but that doesn’t mean it’s the end. Seek outside help when necessary. Trained counselors are there to come alongside you to help you make it safely back to solid ground.
  • Emergency Exits (marked by lights on the aisle) – God’s Word provides us with wisdom to know how to escape conflict. His Word promises to be a light to our path and a lamp to our feet (Psalm 119:105). All we must do is ask Him to show us the way, and He will!

Are you aware of the near misses in your marriage? If so, thank God for His kindness in leading you and protecting you. Have you ended up in a devastating emergency you didn’t see coming? What did God show you through the crisis?

Emotional Intimacy Prompt – Plan time to answer the above questions. It is good to look back with thanksgiving for what God has done. And it is good to revisit past conflicts and learn from it to help you plan better for the next one.

Near misses are inevitable in this life. How we handle the emergency makes all the difference.

Posted in Biblical Encouragement, Christian Marriage, Conflict | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

Choices and Voices

Choices. We make them everyday. But are they good for your marriage?

Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

Choices. We make them everyday, all day long!

What motivates the choices we make? Now that’s a question worth considering.

Today Tom and I had another one of those moments that we don’t like. It was not that big a deal, except it was. {sigh}

He said something loud because he thought I was farther away than I was. So I said something back louder wanting to know why he was talking so loud. He couldn’t hear me so he said something louder. (I know, it sounds ridiculous, but the tension was real!)

Normally, we would have laughed it off. But not this time. It just wasn’t funny. I was irritated and so was he.  However, we did make a choice…

We chose to talk about it.

This made all the difference in what happened next. Our day went on as planned. It didn’t ruin anything.

All couples have moments like these. We can’t avoid them, nor should we. You read that right! We learn much about ourselves and our spouse when we let our guards down. It is good for us to remember that there is still work to do, even after 40 years together. There is no easy road in marriage. We know that. We teach that. We remind others of that. But communication on the rocky road is necessary, even for us, to find the way out of the danger zone.

Choices and voices matter.

Emotional Intimacy Prompt: What choices are you currently making in your marriage? Are they navigating you to a safe place or deeper into the danger zone? What motivates those choices? Talk about it!


Posted in Christian Marriage, communication, Conflict, Encouraging Your Spouse, Growing Strong Marriages, Keeping It Real | Tagged , , | 3 Comments