Tom and I have had projects on our to-do list for years that we simply haven’t made or had the time to accomplish well. Things that living in the same home for 32 years demand, e.g. cleaning out and organizing the garage, decluttering drawers and closets and our latest—prepping the yard for new sod. The latter was on our schedule for this past week.
In Florida we can only do this in the spring when it is the driest and sunniest. We hired a friend to prep and lay the sod, but due to unforeseen circumstances, he needed our help.
We spent most of two days pulling weeds and tilling the soil. It was back-breaking work, but together we made it happen. We had the same goal in mind—a beautiful lawn—and we work well together which is the fruit of years of practice.
Weeds, crab grass and sedge grass were our nemesis. Invasive to Florida lawns; we were determined to give our new sod the best chance to thrive.
Kneeling together in the dirt I couldn’t help but apply this necessary work to our marriage.
Many times situations have brought us to our knees. In our early years it seemed there would be no end to the dirt we raked up in every area of our relationship—communication, confession, repentance, disagreements and so on.
We were young and thought we knew each other well, but we had no idea what we didn’t know. Until we did, and that’s when marriage became hard work.
We hit the ground on our knees working together to pull out weeds of misunderstanding.
Digging up hidden sins that needed to be confessed and brought together to God.
Chopping up buried roots of our sinful nature that would threaten to stifle any growth in our marriage.
Marriage is hard and messy work for those who pay attention. If the mess is ignored it allows the invasive weeds to not only grow but also go to seed and reproduce.
Do you mortify; do you make it your daily work; be always at it whilst you live; cease not a day from this work; be killing sin or it will be killing you.
Mortify is an uncommon word that means: To subdue; to abase; to humble; to reduce; to restrain.
Talking about sin is not a popular topic these days. But like weeds in a garden, sin won’t go away by simply ignoring it. I believe this is a ploy of the enemy of our souls as well as to our marriage.
What weeds is your marriage facing today? Are you working together to eradicate them? Or are you ignoring them hoping they’ll go away?
Maybe it’s time to kneel in the dirt and get to work.
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Thank you for taking the time to visit today. Our goal is to be a positive influence for your marriage and remind you of ways to keep growing closer to God and each other.
Tom and I enjoy watching cooking competitions and shows on TV. I have learned some valuable things for my growth in culinary skills. Ha! Typing that sounds so strange.
When we got married I didn’t know how to cook, but I could bake. My cooking abilities soared with the internet and being able to search how to do this or that. It has been a hobby I didn’t know I loved until I did.
Once I watched Andrew Zimmern make a seafood stock using leftover lobster and shrimp shells. I had no idea you could do this. I’ve made my own chicken stock for years, so I was challenged to try this.
Last week we had a dozen lobster shells leftover from our granddaughter’s fabulous dinner.
I cut up an onion, some celery, carrots and garlic sautéing them in olive oil. I was supposed to add tomato paste but didn’t have any. It was only 2 Tablespoons so I didn’t think it would make that much difference. I’ll tell you later why it did.
After the veggies were tender, not browned, I added the lobster tails and enough water to cover the shells.
Next I added bay leaves, thyme, tarragon, parsley, salt and pepper. I let this simmer on the stove for an hour.
I discarded the veggies and lobster tails, then strained the stock. The house smelled delicious!
The next day I made the bisque. I sautéed more diced onions, celery and carrots. And more of the herbs bay leaves, tarragon, thyme and parsley. Once tender, I added a roux of melted butter with flour and stirred it to coat the veggies. I poured in the lobster stock and stirred to thicken.
I took the stock and poured in the vita-mix no more than half full. I puréed it until smooth and repeated until all the stock was smooth and blended.
It was then I realized the importance of the omitted tomato paste!
It wasn’t the nice pink you expect a lobster bisque to be. It was an ugly yellowish green, and not appetizing at all.
Fortunately, I was able to borrow the tomato paste from a neighbor and blend it well. The color was now a beautiful pink.
Finally, we thawed some langostino lobsters (available frozen at Publix) and stirred them into the bisque until heated through.
I used Alton Brown’s recipe for the bisque in case you’d like to give it a try. We served it with a lemon asparagus risotto and crusty bread . This will be a new favorite!
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Welcome to our new followers. Our Foodie Friday posts are a favorite of ours. We hope you and your spouse share a hobby too. Cooking together has made our life so rich in many ways.
Only those who are lowly hear the whispers of the Holy.
Conscience.
The tender place where God speaks and we bow tender in adoration.
Conscience.
Marriage is built on truth and conscience. It is the level of truth we have which determines our…
Conscience.
Read the Truth in God’s Word, and our conscience will tenderize in His Presence.
Conscience.
When words are said in haste, yet waste no time to repent.
Conscience.
The still small voice that says, “This is the way; walk in it.”
Conscience.
Is our confidence that we can make right what we say wrong.
Conscience.
God’s gift to those who hear it and heed it. Realizing that marriage needs it.
Conscience.
A friend to holiness and maturity leading to eternity.
Conscience.
It speaks and we listen never to abandon its warnings.
Conscience.
Born of Christ, served by the Holy Spirit and rewarded in Heaven.
Conscience.
The seed bed of a healthy marriage.
How is your conscience?
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Welcome to those who are new here. We talk everything about growing a healthy marriage for God’s glory. It begins by our pursuit of holiness in Christ.
We pray each post causes your conscience to grow and your response to be humble.
Has someone who was supposed to do something for you or a loved one ever let you down? Did the situation not resolve with the ending you wanted? I’m certain we have all experienced such disappointments in life and in marriage. Sometimes we can work it through and sometimes we are left to pick up the broken pieces of our shattered hopes.
We just experienced a situation where Tom was sharing with me about something weighing heavy on him. He was wondering what to do. Since I had experienced a similar situation, rather than listen and care, I reacted. I became insistent that he do everything to prevent the devastating outcome I had experienced. My voice got louder and I talked faster. Tom got quiet.
The Lord convicted me in that moment.
I apologized to Tom. I realized my disappointment about the outcome of my situation was producing fear in my heart regarding his situation.
I wasn’t helping Tom. I was actually being more of a burden than a help to him.
Why do we do this? When we hear of a struggle, something similar to a situation we have experienced, we apply the same outcome. We advise as if we are experts and our thoughts on how to fix it must be followed.
Although it doesn’t sound like it, I had a real breakthrough.
God showed me I wasn’t listening to Tom to help him. I was wanting to control the results to avoid heartbreak.
There is always the danger of inserting our experience to another’s situation. This is usually not helpful. I have been on the receiving end of this and it is painful. It shuts me down every time! And I just did that to the one I love most.
It is best to listen and help our spouse come to the right path God has marked out for them. This is the Holy Spirit’s work. He is their Guide, their Comforter and an ever present help in their time of need. When I insert my thoughts and opinions I am taking on the role that belongs to God alone. It is not helpful!
I am grateful for a husband who doesn’t react to my reactions. He is patient and long suffering; reminds me of how Jesus treats me. What a gift this man is in my life.
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Welcome to our new followers. We know there is much available to read to help your marriage grow. The fact that you’ve chosen to come alongside us on our journey is humbling. We pray God will use our experiences to help and encourage you where needed.
This week we traveled to GA to be with our granddaughter for her 11th birthday. As tradition would have it, her dinner was prepared according to her taste. She has always had a mature palette—how many 6 year olds love bleu cheese? But she did and does.
Her dinner was going to take her taste buds to new heights—steak and lobster. I made the stuffed potatoes supreme which has been a family favorite for years.
Unfortunately, I didn’t get many photos. You’ll have to make them and see for yourself!
Stuffed Potatoes Supreme
Bake 10 medium potatoes at 400° F. for one hour or more as needed. Remove from oven and let set for 10 minutes. Cut in half lengthwise with a sharp knife, bring careful to not tear the skin.
Scoop the potatoes into a mixing bowl with a spoon, leaving the skins in tack. To the bowl add 4 ozs. butter, cream cheese and sour cream. Mix on low and increase speed to combine. Add milk to desired consistency.
With a spoon fill the skins with mashed potatoes. Sprinkle lightly with salt and pepper. Top each with shredded cheddar cheese. Place in oven and cook until cheese melts.
Turn oven to broil and heat until cheese is lightly browned.
Sprinkle cooked skins with chopped scallions. Enjoy!
Some may call this Sexual Intimacy, but we believe Physical Intimacy more accurately describes this part of marriage. This kind of intimacy encompasses so much more than having sexual relations. Physical touch and expression throughout the day are what enhances the intimacy shared while making love. If neither of you are thinking about this special aspect of your relationship outside of the bedroom, then your sex life will suffer at it’s worst, or plateau at it’s best.
It’s like climbing a mountain. Many try and end up stopping halfway realizing it is harder than they imagined. They are satisfied with how far they’ve climbed and are willing to settle there. The motivation to keep the vision alive dissipates into thin air, and the journey becomes the destination.
Consider that no one else can satisfy this particular need in your spouse. To choose to no longer pursue a deeper intimacy in marriage is to go against the very vows you promised on your wedding day. Satisfying this need in your spouse is your privilege alone! Yes, I called it a privilege.
Privilege – a special right or advantage granted or available only to a particular person.
No one can satisfy your spouse with pleasure the way you can, and no one has the power to disappoint them more than you. We must make a conscious choice which one we will choose. The former will lead to an adventurous marriage, and the latter leads to settled marriage. We pray that as we talk about Physical Intimacy, you will begin to desire change as you climb this mountain together.
In his excellent book, Sheet Music, Dr. Kevin Leman says,
Too many married couples settle for second best. The husband is willing to use his wife for biological release, and the wife may be willing to “accommodate” her husband just to avoid his incessant nagging. But that’s not what either of them truly desires. Neither person is fulfilled when sex is desperately asked for and only grudgingly given.
So take the plunge! Don’t settle for less than God has intended. Sex is one of the most amazing things God ever thought up–but sex this good doesn’t come naturally to any one of us. We have to become willing to practice how to be a better lover; we need to spend time thinking of ways to keep sex fresh and fun; we even need to study our spouse to discover just what fulfills them sexually. (pgs. 13 – 14)
Are you struggling in your sex life? There is hope for you and much to discover on this grand adventure. There will be uncomfortable questions to ask yourself and your spouse. You will need to commit to being honest and vulnerable with each other in a way you may have never experienced.
We have not been taught well in this regard, and sadly many churches don’t address this topic before, much less after, marriage. We are left alone in the dark, figuratively and literally, to discover it on our own. Sometimes this mountain requires too much effort without the skills needed to make it to the top, so we are tempted to quit. With some help and encouragement we believe you can get there. And wait until you see the view…
Intimacy at this level is breathtaking!
Photo by Clarisse Meyer on Unsplash
Physical Intimacy Prompt:
Dr. Leman shares that we all have a unwritten, sometimes unconscious sexual rule book. Some of the rules in our book came from how we were raised. Plan a date night out or a quiet evening after the kids are in bed to consider these questions:
What gets me upset in bed?
What in general, most fulfills me sexually?
What makes me lose interest in sex?
What generates the most interest in sex?
What sexual request or act creates the most fear in me?
Now step back and ask yourself why this might be so? You want to ask yourself these questions and bring the “hidden influence out into the open: Once you understand the influence, you can decide whether it’s a healthy or unhealthy one. You can choose to keep it or, if it’s hindering your marriage, get rid of it. (pgs. 26-27)
Practice connecting physically throughout the day, whether it’s
a lingering kiss in the morning,
a prolonged hug when you both return home at the end of the day
brushing each other secretly as you pass in the kitchen
rubbing your spouse’s shoulders after dinner.
These small acts of kindness are building blocks to a deeper Physical Intimacy. And it’s a great, non-threatening way to start.
Physical Intimacy Prayer:
Father,
Thank you for the hope and help You promise us if we will ask. So today we come asking that You will help us talk about this very important topic in our marriage. Give us the right words to describe what is going on in our hearts regarding Physical Intimacy. Help us both to be vulnerable and honest. May our words reveal our need accurately. I want my spouse to know my love for them is real, and that I am willing to do the hard work to make it strong and exciting. All of this is for Your glory to a watching world. Our children and our grandchildren need to see Christ’s love for the church reflected in how we love each other. May our love be genuine by the grace You supply.
In Jesus’ Name we ask,
Amen
Physical Intimacy Scripture:
“Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.” – Genesis 2:24-25 ESV (emphasis added)
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Welcome to our new followers. We are grateful for the time you are investing in making your marriage grow strong and healthy.
May this be the start of a new season of intimacy in your marriage.
There are some recipes I’ve had so long I don’t remember where I found it. This recipe is one of them. It is comfort food for our family, and hopefully for your’s too.
First, buy a good quality ham—we buy Costco’s ham—not the spiral cut. Slice them about 1/2” wide x 1” long to layer on top of the potatoes before baking in the oven.
Here is the recipe that I submitted to our church’s cookbook over 30 years ago. A rich history of food we’ve enjoyed together in our church.
Make roux and add shredded cheddarTop with ham slices
Last night as we were about to turn off the lights and go to bed, Tom said, “Let’s play one worship song.” I sat down ready to enjoy these few moments together focused on Jesus.
He hit his playlist not knowing which song would play. It was a perfect choice for ending a wonderful Sunday – Gratitude by Brandon Lake.
We have much to be grateful for in our lives. But it isn’t because life has been easy. No, it is because God has been faithful to us through every season—the good and the hard.
As we grow old together, worship has become a place where age doesn’t matter. In fact, I think the older we get the more precious the words of well-written songs mean to us. They aren’t just words set to music, but reminders of what God has done for us in our 46 years of marriage.
Below are the lyrics. If you know the song you will be singing it as you read. If you don’t know it, we have included the link.
All my words fall short I got nothing new How could I express All my gratitude?
I could sing these songs As I often do But every song must end And You never do
So I throw up my hands And praise You again and again ‘Cause all that I have is a hallelujah Hallelujah And I know it’s not much But I’ve nothing else fit for a King Except for a heart singing hallelujah Hallelujah
I’ve got one response I’ve got just one move With my arm stretched wide I will worship You
So I throw up my hands And praise You again and again ‘Cause all that I have is a hallelujah Hallelujah And I know it’s not much But I’ve nothing else fit for a King Except for a heart singing hallelujah Hallelujah
So come on, my soul Oh, don’t you get shy on me Lift up your song ‘Cause you’ve got a lion inside of those lungs Get up and praise the Lord
Oh come on, my soul Oh, don’t you get shy on me Lift up your song ‘Cause you’ve got a lion inside of those lungs Get up and praise the Lord
Come on, my soul Oh, don’t you get shy on me Lift up your song ‘Cause you’ve got a lion inside of those lungs Get up and praise the Lord, hey
Praise the Lord Praise the Lord
Praise the Lord
So I throw up my hands Praise You again and again ‘Cause all that I have is a hallelujah Hallelujah And I know it’s not much But I’ve nothing else fit for a King Except for a heart singing hallelujah Hallelujah
It is the start of a new week – the first full week of Lent. May our hearts express gratitude for how Jesus has impacted our marriage for God’s glory.
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Welcome to our new followers. We cannot express how grateful we are for you and your desire to grow a strong marriage. If you have a moment, we would love to hear from you—where you live and how long you have been married.
I am not the only one who loves to cook in our home. Tom has his specialties that are his alone to make—French Toast being one of them.
The day Tom proposed to me he took me out for breakfast. I’m not sure how he managed to eat, as nervous as he was, but he did. Whenever we celebrate our special anniversaries, the first meal of the day is always a part of the celebration.
The morning of our anniversary last week, Tom made me French Toast.
There is something comforting about warm bread with cinnamon and maple syrup. It warms the soul and starts the day with a smile.
We believe the key to making the best French toast is the bread; Brioche is our favorite. It stands up to the egg mixture without making the bread soggy.
Do you have a favorite tradition that includes food? We’d love to hear about it!
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Again, we must say how grateful we are that you have taken the time to visit our vineyard. Marriage isn’t easy, but it is worth the effort. The fact that you are choosing to read a blog about marriage shows your desire to make it work.
May God bless your efforts with another year together!
It is spring in Florida and it is invigorating. The birds are especially loud this time of year. They are busy preparing their nests.
With the focus on our home in Monday’s post, it has given me fresh eyes for an important part of the home.
Take a good look at your bedroom.
The bedroom is the one place that is ours. If you have children at home they can easily take over the space with toys, homework and other things that clutter up your space. They may even sleep in your room more than theirs.
If you don’t have children to blame, then let’s be honest and put off procrastination.
I am now seeing things which through the winter months have been neglected.
What clutter has accumulated that doesn’t belong? Laundry, bills, receipts or even dust? If you’re like me I put it off thinking I don’t have time. But in reality we do.
This is a nudge to encourage you to reclaim your space. It should be a place of retreat for you and your spouse alone.
Try this challenge: Set the timer for 30 minutes and get to work. See how much you can accomplish before the timer goes off. You may be surprised at your ability to finish the job.
May God help has have fresh eyes today to do what needs to be done in order to make our room a place of refuge for us now and in the days to come.
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Thanks for stopping by our vineyard. We are happy to have you and hope your marriage is encouraged as a result.
Having just returned from celebrating our anniversary, we are freshly aware of how much we love coming home. It doesn’t matter how nice the place is we visited; there comes a point when we both just want to be home.
I remember when we were first married. I had never lived away from my parents and Tom had been on his own for over 5 years. I moved in to his one-bedroom condo and was excited to make it ours.
Only 5 months after our wedding, Tom was transferred to Miami. His employer paid for our move, so all we had to do was choose our next home—in Miami.
We found a small apartment in the up and coming neighborhood of Miami Lakes. The management company offered only a month-to-month lease. They explained it was because they catered to airline employees who needed the flexibility. We believed them.
Unfortunately, after only 5 weeks we received a notice that our apartments were converting to condos; we could either buy or move.
Since we didn’t have the means to buy, we were forced to find another home. This time we had to pay for the move ourselves!
Our third home in only 7 months.
We had learned our lesson and made sure we found a year lease agreement in Pembroke Pines. It was a condo that overlooked the golf course. We loved it.
This was our home for 8 months. While we loved our condo, we missed Orlando, or should I say, I missed it!
I was born there, and didn’t know how much I loved it until I no longer called it home. God surprised us by making a way for Tom to be transferred. I was elated!
My Mom started house searching for us. We didn’t think we could afford to buy, yet God had already made a way.
In May of 1980, after being married only a year and 3 months, we were able to buy a 3 bedroom, 2 bath home. It was perfect! This was the place where we would start a family and settle down for the next twelve years.
There was a a neighborhood where many families lived from our church. We wanted to buy a home there. It wasn’t just a house we were buying, it was a community. We listed our home and in 6 weeks we closed on our old home and bought our new home.
That was in October of 1992. We have lived here for thirty-three years, and we still love calling it home.
So many memories are held within these walls. Our home adapted as our family needs changed. Now we are “open nesters” as we like to call it. Free to have friends over to share a meal, or a place for our growing family to visit.
Home is the place where marriage is lived in the highs and lows. It’s the place where we both rest, work, entertain and host. It is our little plot of earth to cultivate and make beautiful.
There’s no place like it!
What has been your home journey? It’s good to remember and thank God for all the places He has provided.
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Welcome to our home on the internet. We moved to this address in November of 2008. We have lots of posts covering every topic concerning marriage. We invite you to stay awhile and make yourself at home.
Confession: My love for cooking started as a challenge. When our daughter was diagnosed with Celiac disease we had to rethink every favorite family recipe. This led me to find new recipes too, from those suffering with the same limitations.
Thankfully the internet has a wealth of great sites offering excellent recipes. Our favorite is Against All Grain, by Danielle Walker.
Years later I discovered I am extremely sensitive to most soy products. This was a huge set back for me. I love Asian food and sushi. The only way I can enjoy it is to make it myself. I thank God for Coconut Aminos, a great substitute for soy sauce. Here is a favorite recipe: Kung Pao Chicken that I sub in coconut aminos for the soy sauce.
This week Tom really wanted tomato soup and grilled cheese sandwiches. Since we are away celebrating our anniversary, we decided to buy it already made. Only one problem—every can in the grocery store, even the organic ones, is made with soybean oil.
Challenge accepted!
I searched on some of my favorite food blogs and found a great recipe at Natasha’s Kitchen. The only changes I made to it was using half and half in place of heavy cream.
This is the perfect soup to go with a three cheese grilled cheese sandwich. Comfort food for a cold winter day.
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Thanks for following us and choosing to better your marriage. It is a joy to hear from you and how God is helping you grow a stronger relationship together.
And we would be remiss to not thank you for all the Happy Anniversary wishes. It blessed us to hear from so many of you.
“Come grow old with me. The best is yet to be” is a quote lovers use often to express their devotion. However, when old age is knocking on the door it doesn’t seem to have the same romantic appeal. It is a much more sobering statement that requires a deep examination of the heart. I think it would help us to hear the entire quote by Robert Browning…
“Grow old along with me! The best is yet to be, the last of life, for which the first was made. Our times are in his hand who saith, ‘A whole I planned, youth shows but half; Trust God: See all, nor be afraid!”
I have observed several dear friends who have had to watch their spouse die a slow death. It wasn’t easy, but it was love demonstrated in its purist form. My respect for their commitment to the covenant they made on their wedding day couldn’t be any higher. They made their marriage vows stand the test, and I believe they will hear the words, “Well Done!”
Every season brings with it an opportunity to learn to love and appreciate our spouse in a way we didn’t have to in the previous season.
When you have your first child and you see your spouse in this new role, it can be attractive or not. It depends on how well you are both geared to this change.
When your children grow up and leave the home it provides another opportunity to adjust and grow, or stagnate and drift apart. The choice is always there, but sometimes we don’t see it clearly.
When you retire and both of you are now together 24/7, this demands another adjustment in your relationship. It can either be for the good or bad depending on your willingness to adjust and grow.
There is a key that helps unlock the beauty of the new season–Communication!
We shouldn’t be surprised by the changes. They are inevitable. But we must be able to talk about them and how they are affecting us. Hiding the struggle only prolongs the uncomfortableness of it all. Talking about it, though hard to begin, brings the needed adjustment so you can move forward allowing you to enjoy the “last of life” more than the first.
May we all have marriages that last according to God’s plan. “Trust Him“, as Mr. Browning penned, so we can “see all, nor be afraid.”
Rather than talk about it, we thought we’d let pictures speak of the life we’ve made together.
When we met at Jesus ‘76 Our engagement day❤️ Our wedding day ❤️Our honeymoonThree grown kids we love and respectBut my heart is hisOur Georgia kiddosOur Tennessee kiddosOur Florida kiddos with one to come……and here she isTrip to UtahPrecious grandkids Pawley’s Island, SCSt. John’s RiverOur favorite sportOr on the waterGod has been faithful to lead us through many seasons—ones we loved and ones where we learned more about His love. Happy Anniversary babe.
I fell in love with scones when Starbucks first featured their pumpkin scones in the fall.
As I often do, I decided to try them at home and see if they were better. The difference between “made across the country, frozen and shipped to my city”, and “hot out of the oven freshness” can’t be compared. I was hooked and surprised that it wasn’t that difficult.
We had some blueberries that needed to be used, and Tom asked me to make lemon blueberry scones.
The key to flaky, tender scones is to put the butter in the freezer long enough to make it very cold, but not frozen. Then, grate the butter and combine it with the flour mixture by hand.
The more evenly distributed the butter is in the flour, the more flaky your scones will be.
I hope you’ll give these a try. They are worth the effort.
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Welcome to our new followers. This is not the blog of a cooking influencer, just a wife who enjoys cooking for her husband. So every Friday I share something I’ve either made or a dish we’ve enjoyed together at a restaurant.
On Mondays and Wednesdays we usually post about how to grow a healthy marriage. We’ve been doing this now since 2008, so there are plenty of archived posts to peruse.
We are grateful you have stopped by today. We welcome you and hope you’ll visit often.
Yesterday we shared the importance of dealing with offenses as they happen. And happen they will!
Today I was reminded of another One who left His mark on our marriage—etched in stone, as it were. Jesus is our solid rock, our firm foundation.
What He has done on the Cross and the events that followed has forever made its claim on us. We are His and our marriage is built on this firm foundation.
Pause and think of your own marriage and from where you’ve come. If you look close enough you can see the thread of God’s faithfulness in your story.
I love the song titled, Counting My Blessings. “The more that I look at the details, the more of Your goodness I find.”
When Jesus died and rose again victorious, He set in stone eternal forgiveness of our sins. That is if we believe He is who He says He is and trust Him to save us.
Does this sound too good to be true? We who struggle to let go of petty offenses?
“The saying is trustworthy and deserving of full acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am the foremost.” 1 Timothy 1:15 ESV
This is why it is called the good news of the gospel. Jesus paid it all, and if we place our marriage on this solid rock, how can we not forgive each other when we have each been forgiven so much?
Offenses that are set in stone may seem to require a jackhammer to remove, as we shared yesterday. But when placed on the solid rock of Christ’s all-forgiving grace offenses dissolve quickly.
You may realize there are things about which you need to talk to your spouse. We encourage you to do so quickly.
Deeper intimacy is waiting on the other side of forgiveness.
It is time for a heart check up. Not the kind where you go to the doctor, but the kind where you go to God.
Marriage is challenging on many levels and the opportunity for being hurt or offended is likely. What we do with the offenses matters.
Imagine a home where the dust has been allowed to settle on the furniture. At first it isn’t noticeable but after a few weeks it can’t be missed. The Holy Spirit may even offer conviction by writing in the dust, “It’s time to deal with this.”
Once you surrender and follow His lead, you realize it wasn’t as difficult as you thought it would be. You’ve wiped the surface clean and your marriage is better for it.
Then there are those who don’t ignore the offense; they play it over and over in their mind until it is practically etched in stone. They may even throw a few loose rocks back at their spouse out of anger in retaliation.
I know this is an extreme metaphor, but unforgiveness and resentment never produce good in marriage. Like writing your name in wet cement, there’s a bit of time where you can wipe it smooth. But leave it to set and the result may take a jackhammer to undo.
“Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.” James 1:19-20 ESV
So how is your heart before God? Would He say you have dust to deal with or stone? Your answer matters.
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Welcome to our new followers. What a privilege to share our experience with you to help your marriage grow strong for a lifetime.
The Super Bowl food this year was a huge hit. I made Philly Cheesesteaks in anticipation of the Eagles win over the Chiefs. They succeeded too…40-22, in case you missed it. We were still sad that our food of the night wasn’t from Buffalo, my husband’s birth place. But there’s always next year.
We had some shaved rib eye leftover, and neither of us wanted another cheesesteak. So Tom did some research and found this stir fry recipe. I’ve never made beef stir fry, always with chicken, so I was excited to try it. And even more excited for Tom to cook.
As an aside, can I give a shout out for my cast iron skillet? Mine is perfectly seasoned and is better than any non-stick pan. Not to mention it is better for you too.
Yum! This is a new favorite. Since I can’t have soy sauce the only Asian food I can have is what I make myself. Unless, of course, Tom cooks it for me. 🥰
Today’s post was originally shared in 2013, but the message is just as important today.
I can’t count the number of couples I talk to who choose not to celebrate Valentine’s Day. They say it’s just another day where Hallmark, florists and chocolate companies are trying to get us to give them what’s in our wallets. Such a cynical view, even if it’s true.
So let’s unpack this idea. First we’ll talk about the hype and the excuses people give to NOT celebrate February 14th:
It’s a fact there are companies who hope to increase their profits on those who take part in celebrating Valentine’s Day. They spend lots of money on marketing to convince us of our need to do this. This is the American way, and we can choose to take part or not.
On the other hand, good relationships don’t need to buy a card to help make their marriage better or stronger. No purchased item can do this, even if the commercials tell you differently.
Valentine’s Day has become commercialized, so has Christmas for that matter, but we don’t throw the holiday away as a result. We choose to celebrate it in the way that is most meaningful to us. Why not do the same with Valentine’s Day?
Having one day to focus on your love, or two if you celebrate your anniversary, isn’t a bad thing. It can be a very good thing–not only for you, but more importantly for those who are close to you watching your marriage.
I remember years ago when I was planning a romantic Valentine dinner for Tom here in our home. Our daughter had a friend over, and she commented how affected she was by seeing the excitement we had over sharing this night together with a romantic dinner for two. Had we not taken part she would have still known we loved each other because we’re still together. But how much better it is for her to see us making an effort to enjoy our own Valentine dinner.
She may have forgotten that night if we were just home doing what we always do. But because we did something special for the two of us–she’ll most likely remember it and hopefully it will even have an effect on her own marriage.
Our marriage isn’t just about us. It’s about the example we provide to a watching world of Christ’s love for the church.
Now whether or not we celebrate Valentine’s Day has no bearing on how genuine our love is. Please don’t hear me say that! But February 14th is a great opportunity to put the beauty of marriage–your marriage—on display to those who are closest to you. And it can be a lot of fun! ❤
Finally, we want to share a Hallmark commercial with you. If you were to ignore the fact that they’re wanting you to buy something, you’ll hear a powerful message about lasting love and commitment through all the seasons of life together.
Let’s let the light of our love shine brightly this Valentine’s Day. Even if the only ones who will see it call you, Mommy and Daddy.
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The Romantic Vineyard 