Sharing Musts For A Healthy Marriage 5

It’s hard to believe we’re at the end of our month with only two more sharing musts to post. If you’ve missed this series, here is a recap:

  1. Vacations and Dreams
  2. A Bed and Burdens
  3. Passwords and Our Bodies
  4. Meals and Chores

Our next sharing must for a healthy marriage is:

Fears

Does your spouse know what frightens you? Do they know your temptations to fear? Is it a “fear of man?” Which is a fear of what other people think of you. Is it a “fear of failure?” This is an obsessive craving to know the right path even when God is wanting you to trust Him.

You may struggle with a fear I did. When Tom and I first got married he had no idea of a fear I faced daily; it was a fear of the dark. There were several reasons for my fear – one being my older brother who loved nothing more than jumping out at me in the dark just to hear me scream. But there was another more frightening reason. I was in middle school and was spending lots of time with a girlfriend playing the Quija Board. We thought it was innocent fun, that is until one time. It was the last time I ever played. Something strange happened as we each put our hands on the tray. I won’t go into details because I don’t want to give this any unnecessary attention. Suffice it to say, I was scared out of my skin. I remember running home as fast as I could, and it being a full moon didn’t help comfort me on my way home.

Fast forward 6 years when Tom and I were married and in our first home. We lived in a split level home where you had to go upstairs to get to the bedrooms and downstairs to get to the garage. Our washer and dryer were in the garage and I never, never did laundry after dark. But I didn’t tell anyone, since I could manage my own schedule. Another thing I avoided was to be the last one downstairs when it was time to go to bed. I never wanted to have to turn off the lights. But sometimes it would happen, and I had to face my fear.  Actually it would be more accurate to say I ran from my fear.

This was something I was ashamed of, so I never told Tom. One day the Lord brought this fear to my mind and had me contemplate what it was I was actually afraid of. I wasn’t afraid of an intruder in our home – I knew the doors and windows were locked. What I was afraid of was evil spirits. It felt as if something was nipping at my heels whenever I would go upstairs after turning the lights off. It sounds silly now, but I assure you this fear was tangible.

I don’t remember what prompted me to finally tell Tom. It must have been the nudging of the Holy Spirit because of His desire to set me free. “God gives grace to the humble.” I was afraid Tom would laugh at me and think I was being silly – like my fear of roaches. But I should have known better. Tom loves me and cares for me. When I told him everything he took me by the hand and sat with  me on the stairs. We prayed together and asked God to set me free from the chasing fear.

He did. There was no more panic or fearful dashes up the stairs. Whatever I had felt afraid of was gone. And I was overjoyed!

This time of year is always challenging for me. Tom guards me closely making sure I don’t see or hear anything that will frighten me. It is something he does out of love for me, I am extremely grateful.

Do you have fears your spouse doesn’t know about? Why not humble yourself and have that talk you’ve been avoiding. There may be freedom waiting for you, more than you ever dreamed was possible.

Finances

For many of you this may seem like a given. However, there are lots of couples who choose to keep their money separate when they marry. He has his own checkbook, and she has her own.

The main problem we see with this one is the mine/yours mentality. When marriage vows are exchanged there is a joining together of two separate people into one flesh. It is a miracle God performs. Anything you are tempted to guard as “mine,” is only going to place a wedge between you both.

Now we’re not saying you can never have a separate checking account. There are many valid reason this is a good idea, BUT the spouse should know about it and have access to it. There should be no secrets allowed.

Like sex, our finances can be an indicator as to how we’re doing as husband and wife. If you withhold sex or you dread it, this is most likely because there are other areas which need attention in your relationship. Sex and money are like barometers. Watch how you relate in these two areas and most of the time you can tell the condition of the marriage.

So, when you make large purchases – do it jointly. When you file your taxes do it as a married couple. When you take a mortgage co-sign the note. We should share everything and there should be no secrets. Ladies, when you go shopping your husband should know what you’ve purchased and Husbands, this goes both ways if you’re the one who loves to shop. Be open and accountable in how you spend your money. In doing so you will open the doors to intimacy on a deeper level, which will enrich your sex life as well. A perk you may not have expected.

Do you struggle to share everything regarding money and finances with your spouse? If so,  pray and ask God to help you talk to them about those struggles. It matters in the long run, and putting it off will only make it worse. Trust us on this one, we’ve seen too many marriages end for some of the things we’ve listed in this series.

How have the Sharing Musts for a Healthy Marriage helped/challenged you?

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This is post #30 in the Ultimate Blog Challenge to post everyday in October.

This entry was posted in Christian Marriage, communication, Conflict, Difficulty, Growing Strong Marriages, Sexual Intimacy and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Sharing Musts For A Healthy Marriage 5

  1. Melinda says:

    These “sharing musts” posts have been very helpful. Thank you for your insights.

    • Debi Walter says:

      Melinda,
      Thank you for taking the time to give us feedback. Your encouragement means a lot, and we’re so glad you’ve found these posts to be helpful.
      Blessings,
      Debi

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