It’s Mother’s Day this weekend which makes me miss my Mom so much. She has been gone now for thirteen years and it’s still hard for me to walk by the Mother’s Day card aisle, as it accentuates my loss.
I have several recipes of her’s that bring me comfort. This one is the easiest and carries with it the most memories for me. Mashed potatoes with hamburger gravy is a simple meal, yet it comforts my soul, as good food should.
I recall on one of our research trips to Oklahoma for my book, my Mom and I happened on a restaurant for lunch. We were surprised to find this dish on their buffet line! Of course we helped ourselves to it, but it didn’t compare with Mom’s, I think it was missing the love stirred into the gravy. 🥰
I have made this recipe our entire marriage—our kids love it as much as we do. It is one of those recipes you can throw together when you don’t know what to make.
I hope it will become a family favorite of your’s too.
Mashed Potatoes with Hamburger Gravy
Ingredients:
1 lb. Ground chuck
4-6 Tbs. flour
1-1.5 cups milk
1/4 tsp. Sage (if desired)
Salt and pepper to taste
Mashed potatoes
Instructions:
Brown beef thoroughly, then drain off all but a Tbs. of fat. Add flour and stir to coat the meat well. Add the milk and stir until thickened. Season with spices. Serve over hot mashed potatoes. Enjoy!
If your Mom is still with you, be sure and give her a big hug this weekend and tell her you love her. If she’s not local, call her up or send her an unexpected gift card or flowers. It will make her day!
Happy Mother’s Day to all who are blessed to be called mom. It is gift that lasts a lifetime and something for which I thank God everyday.
We have purposed this year to write consistently every Monday, Wednesday and Friday. And by God’s grace we have been faithful to do so, that is until now.
Most of you know we have a special needs grandson, Elias, who is our hero. He has overcome so many obstacles in his 4 1/2 years that make me want to cry.
He is facing another battle called parainfluenza 3. It is a virus that is nothing more than a cold to a normal child his age, but it has put him in the hospital since Monday. Our Papa and Nana hearts hurt for him and his parents.
Becoming parents to three children was one of the highlights of our young lives. Becoming grandparents to our 10 grandchildren over the past 18 years has increased our joy immeasurably. But it can also cause more heartache. When they hurt we are grieving not only what they’re facing, but also what our kids are facing in parenting them through it.
“Anxiety can be the very thing that cripples us and forces us to try to lean on our own understanding of whatever we’re anxious about. But God also has a purpose in it. I wonder whether our problem is less about anxiety and more about what we do with it. Let’s consider anxiety as a doorway into intimacy with the Father. That is Paul’s suggestion in Philippians 4:6.
I’m not telling you to try harder not to be anxious. I’m not going to try to explain away your anxiety or pretend that going to God will just take away the anxiety in the moment. There are other books for that. This book is about not doing anything on your own. This book is about the incredible potential of bringing everything out of hiding and giving it to the Lord, who already knows it all. He knows what we’re worried about, and He’s not worried about it. He wants you to talk to Him about it, but you don’t need to be anxious about your anxiety. You can relax.
As Papa and Nana our prayer life has been about laying our burdens at His feet trusting He knows what He’s doing. We simply pray, “Thy will be done.” We are learning to relax and trust God even when we don’t understand.
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your path.” Proverbs 3:5-6
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Thank you for understanding. Marriage is all about growing together towards God. Here we are sharing an area of growth we are currently experiencing in our marriage.
We haven’t arrived, none of us will in this life. We are walking the same marriage road trusting in our God who isn’t worried about a thing. Why should we be?
I haven’t been cooking much the last couple of weeks, so I was ready to get back in the kitchen.
This recipe was fun to make. There is something therapeutic for me in prepping the veggies and cooking them all together transforming them into something delicious. My mind is focused on cooking alone and gives my brain a rest from other thoughts.
What made this recipe even more special is that it was to bless someone who needed a meal for their family. As I cooked I prayed that this family would not only be nourished, but feel loved.
I found the recipe on The Cozy Cook website. The only change I made was to omit the spicy hot sauce. If it was for us we would have kept it in and probably doubled it. But I wasn’t sure if the heat would be a blessing to this family.
Creating good food is like a dance where all the ingredients come together and enjoy their part with the music. When the meal is shared around the table with friends and family, it connects us by our most basic need—to be fed and nourished.
If we pause in the moment we can feel the warmth and satisfaction enjoying a good meal together provides.
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Welcome to our vineyard. We would love to hear from you and what life is like in your part of the world. We need each other, not only to help with hard times, but also to celebrate the good.
There is one thing required for a marriage to grow strong and healthy. Without it a marriage ends up with a lot more conflicts and disagreements.
This one thing is humility. It isn’t thinking less of yourself—as in self-deprecation—but it is thinking of yourself, less.
We have counseled many couples who lacked this one quality and it made all the difference.
Humility takes the hit even if it wasn’t your fault. The humble spouse is more focused on what’s best for the marriage than they are winning an argument.
The thing is it takes a humble heart to desire humility. This seems impossible and it is, but God! He is the God of the impossible.
Consider how we got saved in the first place. The One person who never sinned and had every right to defend His motives, willingly laid His rights down for our good! What a Savior!
Do you remember that God established marriage as an earthly example of how Christ loves the church and laid His life down for her? This embodies humility. What a high calling for husbands to follow.
The next time you are trapped in a conflict, check yourself for humility. Are you willing to humble yourself and seek peace?
This is required to have a healthy marriage. When was the last time you asked God to help you grow in humility? He will do it for this is praying according to His will.
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Thanks for stopping by today. We took an unexpected week off having sold some family property that has been on the market for over 2 years. It was emotional for me, Debi, and time-consuming for Tom. We are happy to have come to this point in the process.
Today is Good Friday. It is the day we as Christians remember Jesus and the willing sacrifice He made for us on the cross.
But before He was arrested He sat down with those closest to Him and served them in shocking ways.
First, He had a meal prepared of bread and wine. The bread was symbolic of his body that would soon be broken for our sins. The wine was symbolic of his sinless blood that would soon be spilled beneath the cross. He asked the disciples to partake of this meal that night and on a regular basis there after. He gave one stipulation; “Do this in remembrance of Me.”
Next, He humbled Himself by kneeling before each disciple washing their dirty feet. He did this as an act to show what true love does for others—one who is willing to serve, rather than demand to be served. No other god had ever demonstrated such love and humility. But Jesus was different.
The disciples were perplexed as they took in all that had taken place. They had no idea what was coming or that this meal would be remembered until Jesus returned.
This Foodie Friday is good because Jesus set the table for us to enjoy His Supper often and with gratefulness as we remember Him.
“The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make his face to shine upon you and be gracious to you; the Lord lift his face on you and give you peace.” Numbers 6:24-26
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🎶 “Friday’s good ‘cause Sunday’s coming.“🎶
Have a blessed Easter celebrating Jesus’ death, burial and resurrection. We are grateful for you and your love for your spouse. It’s all because of Jesus and for His glory.
On American Idol we witnessed the sweetest public display of affection that had the audience in tears.
The contestant’s name is, Thunderstorm Artis, and he is obviously a caring and understanding husband. He sang a song he wrote for his wife that recalls his devotion and deep love for her.
But the most astounding part was the way he understands her every need. This song speaks volumes from which husbands can learn to help them love and understand their own wives better.
Following is his performance with the lyrics below. What an example he displayed to a watching world.
I saw you crying last night. Watch tears fall like stars from your eyes.
You don’t need me to fix it, just need a minute. Someone to be by your side.
I see the love that you give, each time I look in the eyes of our kids.
I’m always reminded how beautiful life is, and how much this time is a gift.
If you ever get the feeling, the feeling you’re falling apart, you can…
Give me the doubts in your head. And I’ll hold all the pain in my chest.
Let me carry your weight on my shoulders. Let me carry it over and over.
‘til there’s nothing, nothing left.
‘til my last dying breath.
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Thank you for stopping by today. This post begs the question, what example does my marriage display by the way I love and understand my spouse?
It would be good to talk about this together.
We all need to grow and oftentimes in ways we may not realize. Asking good questions like:
Do you feel that I see and hear you when you need it most?
Do I ever make you feel invisible?
These will open the door to emotional intimacy—the soil where a strong marriage can thrive.
This week is the week we celebrate the arrival of Jesus to Jerusalem. He came humble and riding on a donkey. The people rejoiced saying, “Blessed is He who comes in the name of the Lord!”
Imagine if Jesus were to arrive in your home today. Would He receive the welcome due a King?
In most marriages spiritual intimacy, that is the practice of opening up our souls together before Jesus, is often lacking. It has been true in our marriage longer than we would like to admit, but talking about it sheds light on this often-neglected discipline.
Discipline is such a harsh word; I like pursuit of godliness more.
When a husband and wife come together to worship the Lord in their own living room, their marriage is glorifying Jesus. He isn’t absent, but meets with them both right there in this holy place.
This morning after reading the Bible separately, Tom played a few favorite worship songs. We worshiped the Lord as one because as the Bible tells us—we are one flesh.
For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife; and the two shall become one flesh. This mystery is great: but I speak in regard of Christ and of the church. Ephesians 5:31-32
It was spontaneous and left us both filled with His presence and encouraged for the day ahead.
If Jesus were to arrive in your home today, would you pause what you are doing and let Him in? He has the words of life—your life—that apply to what you are both facing today. And the best news is that He is always with us because of the Cross.
This is how we make Holy Week personal.
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Welcome to you all! We don’t take it lightly that you read what we have to share. Our prayer is that it points you to the only One who has the words of life for your marriage.
May this week lead you both to deeper intimacy together with our Savior.
Tom and I love playing golf together. Our parents played together, and we have carried on the tradition.
Most Sunday afternoons you can find us watching it on TV and this weekend is the Sunday of all Sundays to watch. It’s the annual Master’s Tournament in Augusta, GA.
Tom had the opportunity a few years ago to go in person to watch the players practice round on a Wednesday. Being a foodie, one of his favorite memories made was enjoying their peach ice cream sandwiches.
We have friends visiting and wondered if I could find a good recipe for these delights. Voila! The Intentional Hospitality website had a recipe that looked easy, so I decided to give it a try.
These are the photos of the process. I made them according to the recipe.
Take peach ice cream andAdd frozen peaches to a blender. Add whipping cream for right consistency.Spread on cookie sheet lined with parchment paperBake sugar cookies Cut out ice cream with biscuit cutter the size of cookiesStack ice cream between two cookies and enjoy!
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Welcome if you are just joining us. We love writing about food, marriage, romance, date nights and growing stronger in all areas of married life. We hope you’ll come back often. We are glad to have you.
Mark Twain said, “The difference between the right word and the almost right word is “the difference between lightning and a lightning bug.”
I suppose the reverse of this could be said as well – using the wrong words when you know it’s the wrong time to use them can be as destructive as a lightning bolt. I know. I witnessed first hand the effects of my words; I call them trigger words.
Case in point:
We were driving down the road, and we got to talking about some issues weighing heavily on me causing me to feel sad. In fact, I was confessing to Tom how I felt like crying. He made a suggestion he thought would help, but instead of seeing his honest attempt to help me, I reacted. I completely shut him down, and silence ensued.
I hate moments like these. As soon as the words left my mouth the temperature in the car became icy cold. I shivered and struggled, but certainly didn’t repent. Instead I dug my heels in wanting to stay in this place for a while. Honestly, I don’t know why. It wasn’t comfortable – I was miserable! But I stayed in this mood until I awoke the next morning. Or should I say the Lord woke me and began prodding my conscience.
It worked.
At 5:15 a.m. I was up and dealing with my heart. By 7:00 I had made Tom his coffee, taken it to our room and apologized for the pain and distance my words had caused. He received my words this time for they were the “right words.”
You’ve heard it said, Them’s Fightin Words!
Yet we are oftentimes quick to draw them out of our holster when needed. We point and shoot our words with the expertise of a gunslinger.
What is the point in doing this? Who wins? No one wins – not in a marriage.
As partners for life we’re on the same team. Shooting off fightin’ words only kills the life of our relationship. So why do we do it? Because it’s easier to let ’em fly, than it is to restrain ourselves from grabbing the gun in the first place. It takes great restraint to say “no” to the sudden impulse of striking back.
It is helpful to remember what Christ has done for us.
He used great restraint allowing the Roman government to not only cast a guilty verdict on his guiltless life, but He allowed them to take it even farther – He let them crucify Him.
He had the power to call down lightning from Heaven and put a rightful end to this unrighteous death sentence, but He didn’t. He was compelled to give His life for love; love for His Father and love for us.
Amazing.
Considering this Truth is what helped me walk into our room and surrender my sinful heart not only to Tom, but to Christ. These are the two men who are most devoted to me and allow me to make huge messes with my fightin words, but welcome me back time and time again. It was Christ’s love that compelled me to repent, and Tom’s love that accepted my repentance.
This is kindness. This is mercy. The trigger words of grace.
How have you used trigger words in your marriage? Are they fightin’ words or are they the words of grace?
“When words are many, transgression is not lacking, but whoever restrains his lips is prudent.” – Proverbs 10:9
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Thanks for stopping by today to read another Vintage post. This one is from 2011. We share these posts from time to time that were published years ago. The truths they carry are worth re-reading. like a Vintage year for wine, it is worth enjoying again.
We thank God for your desire to grow your marriage. We pray He meets you where you are and leads you closer to each other and to Him.
Yesterday was a banner day for us. Our church, Metro Life Church in Casselberry, FL, turned 40.
We were part of the start in the spring of 1985. We had two of our three children at that time as 17 adults and 11 children set out on a journey we never expected.
God had plans for us to discover what New Testament reality looked like. We had no idea how to build on this vision. We just kept taking the next step as God led the way.
Many of us fell in love with Jesus during what is now called, The Jesus Revolution in the mid-70’s. This church is the fruit of the vision God had given our senior pastor, Danny Jones. We were excited then to see what God would do.
Today we got to look back and remember what God has done in and through us in 40 years. Tears overflowed!
Leading children’s ministry 1985
Danny said, “Most church plants don’t survive, let alone live to recount God’s faithfulness over 40 years. Through good times, bad times and even horrible times, He has been with us every step of the way. It is overwhelming.”
As we saw long-time friends, who used to call Metro home, come and celebrate with us we were also overwhelmed.
Our Home Group about 1997
Relationships were the building blocks of our church. Today, even those who have been led elsewhere, are still close friends. When we meet it’s as if no time has passed.
When Tom and I got home we were happily exhausted. Basking in the glow of God’s goodness to us.
A verse shared today says it well, “When the LORD brought back the captives to Zion (Jerusalem), We were like those who dream [it seemed so unreal].” Psalm 126:1 (Amplified)
Today was a banner day, one that will forever be marked in our hearts as special—worth remembering.
From the first day until now, it seems as if we blinked and God has brought us here.
This is a video made to commemorate this milestone…
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Thank you for stopping by our vineyard. We pray you have strong relationships with those who know and love you well. It takes friends willing to say hard things to help us see our need so our marriage can grow. We all have blind spots. Friends can be a clear reflection of who we really are. It’s worth the pursuit to have strong, lasting friendships.
Comfort. It’s part of my word for this year, #comfortandjoy2025.
This has been one of those weeks I would rather avoid. But I’ve learned in the last few years that hard times produce good fruit. That is, if we are pliable in the Master’s hands.
How I long to be pliable until…He molds and shapes me in uncomfortable ways. He prods and pushes in sore spots that make me wince.
If you’re older than a minute you know what I’m talking about.
Sanctification is the process God uses to make me more like Christ. It doesn’t happen easily or according to my time table, but disrupts and dismantles personal preferences. It tests to see if my spirit is willing, but my flesh is weak. And oh today I have felt weak!
This leads to my recipe for this week. Whenever I’ve had a hard day, it does my heart good to cook a comfort food that ends the day with a satisfying sigh.
Chicken Fried Chicken has been on my menu of things to cook soon for a while now. Today was the perfect day to satisfy this craving.
There’s something about crispy, juicy, hot and creamy with a hint of heat that comforts mind, heart and soul! Each savory bite kept my thoughts in the moment. This is necessary when trouble is knocking at the door.
I’m too tired to type the steps, but you can find the recipe here.
If you are looking for a new family favorite, try this one. It sounds more difficult than it is, but it will make a delicious mess of your kitchen.
We pray your weekend is filled with moments that comfort your soul and fill your heart with joy—lasting joy.
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Welcome to our Vineyard. We love sharing everything about marriage with you—the good, bad and difficult to understand. It’s because all these things make your marriage unique and worth sharing with those who know you. We are glad you are here. Have a blessed weekend!
Tom and I have had projects on our to-do list for years that we simply haven’t made or had the time to accomplish well. Things that living in the same home for 32 years demand, e.g. cleaning out and organizing the garage, decluttering drawers and closets and our latest—prepping the yard for new sod. The latter was on our schedule for this past week.
In Florida we can only do this in the spring when it is the driest and sunniest. We hired a friend to prep and lay the sod, but due to unforeseen circumstances, he needed our help.
We spent most of two days pulling weeds and tilling the soil. It was back-breaking work, but together we made it happen. We had the same goal in mind—a beautiful lawn—and we work well together which is the fruit of years of practice.
Weeds, crab grass and sedge grass were our nemesis. Invasive to Florida lawns; we were determined to give our new sod the best chance to thrive.
Kneeling together in the dirt I couldn’t help but apply this necessary work to our marriage.
Many times situations have brought us to our knees. In our early years it seemed there would be no end to the dirt we raked up in every area of our relationship—communication, confession, repentance, disagreements and so on.
We were young and thought we knew each other well, but we had no idea what we didn’t know. Until we did, and that’s when marriage became hard work.
We hit the ground on our knees working together to pull out weeds of misunderstanding.
Digging up hidden sins that needed to be confessed and brought together to God.
Chopping up buried roots of our sinful nature that would threaten to stifle any growth in our marriage.
Marriage is hard and messy work for those who pay attention. If the mess is ignored it allows the invasive weeds to not only grow but also go to seed and reproduce.
Do you mortify; do you make it your daily work; be always at it whilst you live; cease not a day from this work; be killing sin or it will be killing you.
Mortify is an uncommon word that means: To subdue; to abase; to humble; to reduce; to restrain.
Talking about sin is not a popular topic these days. But like weeds in a garden, sin won’t go away by simply ignoring it. I believe this is a ploy of the enemy of our souls as well as to our marriage.
What weeds is your marriage facing today? Are you working together to eradicate them? Or are you ignoring them hoping they’ll go away?
Maybe it’s time to kneel in the dirt and get to work.
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Thank you for taking the time to visit today. Our goal is to be a positive influence for your marriage and remind you of ways to keep growing closer to God and each other.
Tom and I enjoy watching cooking competitions and shows on TV. I have learned some valuable things for my growth in culinary skills. Ha! Typing that sounds so strange.
When we got married I didn’t know how to cook, but I could bake. My cooking abilities soared with the internet and being able to search how to do this or that. It has been a hobby I didn’t know I loved until I did.
Once I watched Andrew Zimmern make a seafood stock using leftover lobster and shrimp shells. I had no idea you could do this. I’ve made my own chicken stock for years, so I was challenged to try this.
Last week we had a dozen lobster shells leftover from our granddaughter’s fabulous dinner.
I cut up an onion, some celery, carrots and garlic sautéing them in olive oil. I was supposed to add tomato paste but didn’t have any. It was only 2 Tablespoons so I didn’t think it would make that much difference. I’ll tell you later why it did.
After the veggies were tender, not browned, I added the lobster tails and enough water to cover the shells.
Next I added bay leaves, thyme, tarragon, parsley, salt and pepper. I let this simmer on the stove for an hour.
I discarded the veggies and lobster tails, then strained the stock. The house smelled delicious!
The next day I made the bisque. I sautéed more diced onions, celery and carrots. And more of the herbs bay leaves, tarragon, thyme and parsley. Once tender, I added a roux of melted butter with flour and stirred it to coat the veggies. I poured in the lobster stock and stirred to thicken.
I took the stock and poured in the vita-mix no more than half full. I puréed it until smooth and repeated until all the stock was smooth and blended.
It was then I realized the importance of the omitted tomato paste!
It wasn’t the nice pink you expect a lobster bisque to be. It was an ugly yellowish green, and not appetizing at all.
Fortunately, I was able to borrow the tomato paste from a neighbor and blend it well. The color was now a beautiful pink.
Finally, we thawed some langostino lobsters (available frozen at Publix) and stirred them into the bisque until heated through.
I used Alton Brown’s recipe for the bisque in case you’d like to give it a try. We served it with a lemon asparagus risotto and crusty bread . This will be a new favorite!
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Welcome to our new followers. Our Foodie Friday posts are a favorite of ours. We hope you and your spouse share a hobby too. Cooking together has made our life so rich in many ways.
Only those who are lowly hear the whispers of the Holy.
Conscience.
The tender place where God speaks and we bow tender in adoration.
Conscience.
Marriage is built on truth and conscience. It is the level of truth we have which determines our…
Conscience.
Read the Truth in God’s Word, and our conscience will tenderize in His Presence.
Conscience.
When words are said in haste, yet waste no time to repent.
Conscience.
The still small voice that says, “This is the way; walk in it.”
Conscience.
Is our confidence that we can make right what we say wrong.
Conscience.
God’s gift to those who hear it and heed it. Realizing that marriage needs it.
Conscience.
A friend to holiness and maturity leading to eternity.
Conscience.
It speaks and we listen never to abandon its warnings.
Conscience.
Born of Christ, served by the Holy Spirit and rewarded in Heaven.
Conscience.
The seed bed of a healthy marriage.
How is your conscience?
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Welcome to those who are new here. We talk everything about growing a healthy marriage for God’s glory. It begins by our pursuit of holiness in Christ.
We pray each post causes your conscience to grow and your response to be humble.
Has someone who was supposed to do something for you or a loved one ever let you down? Did the situation not resolve with the ending you wanted? I’m certain we have all experienced such disappointments in life and in marriage. Sometimes we can work it through and sometimes we are left to pick up the broken pieces of our shattered hopes.
We just experienced a situation where Tom was sharing with me about something weighing heavy on him. He was wondering what to do. Since I had experienced a similar situation, rather than listen and care, I reacted. I became insistent that he do everything to prevent the devastating outcome I had experienced. My voice got louder and I talked faster. Tom got quiet.
The Lord convicted me in that moment.
I apologized to Tom. I realized my disappointment about the outcome of my situation was producing fear in my heart regarding his situation.
I wasn’t helping Tom. I was actually being more of a burden than a help to him.
Why do we do this? When we hear of a struggle, something similar to a situation we have experienced, we apply the same outcome. We advise as if we are experts and our thoughts on how to fix it must be followed.
Although it doesn’t sound like it, I had a real breakthrough.
God showed me I wasn’t listening to Tom to help him. I was wanting to control the results to avoid heartbreak.
There is always the danger of inserting our experience to another’s situation. This is usually not helpful. I have been on the receiving end of this and it is painful. It shuts me down every time! And I just did that to the one I love most.
It is best to listen and help our spouse come to the right path God has marked out for them. This is the Holy Spirit’s work. He is their Guide, their Comforter and an ever present help in their time of need. When I insert my thoughts and opinions I am taking on the role that belongs to God alone. It is not helpful!
I am grateful for a husband who doesn’t react to my reactions. He is patient and long suffering; reminds me of how Jesus treats me. What a gift this man is in my life.
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Welcome to our new followers. We know there is much available to read to help your marriage grow. The fact that you’ve chosen to come alongside us on our journey is humbling. We pray God will use our experiences to help and encourage you where needed.
This week we traveled to GA to be with our granddaughter for her 11th birthday. As tradition would have it, her dinner was prepared according to her taste. She has always had a mature palette—how many 6 year olds love bleu cheese? But she did and does.
Her dinner was going to take her taste buds to new heights—steak and lobster. I made the stuffed potatoes supreme which has been a family favorite for years.
Unfortunately, I didn’t get many photos. You’ll have to make them and see for yourself!
Stuffed Potatoes Supreme
Bake 10 medium potatoes at 400° F. for one hour or more as needed. Remove from oven and let set for 10 minutes. Cut in half lengthwise with a sharp knife, bring careful to not tear the skin.
Scoop the potatoes into a mixing bowl with a spoon, leaving the skins in tack. To the bowl add 4 ozs. butter, cream cheese and sour cream. Mix on low and increase speed to combine. Add milk to desired consistency.
With a spoon fill the skins with mashed potatoes. Sprinkle lightly with salt and pepper. Top each with shredded cheddar cheese. Place in oven and cook until cheese melts.
Turn oven to broil and heat until cheese is lightly browned.
Sprinkle cooked skins with chopped scallions. Enjoy!
Some may call this Sexual Intimacy, but we believe Physical Intimacy more accurately describes this part of marriage. This kind of intimacy encompasses so much more than having sexual relations. Physical touch and expression throughout the day are what enhances the intimacy shared while making love. If neither of you are thinking about this special aspect of your relationship outside of the bedroom, then your sex life will suffer at it’s worst, or plateau at it’s best.
It’s like climbing a mountain. Many try and end up stopping halfway realizing it is harder than they imagined. They are satisfied with how far they’ve climbed and are willing to settle there. The motivation to keep the vision alive dissipates into thin air, and the journey becomes the destination.
Consider that no one else can satisfy this particular need in your spouse. To choose to no longer pursue a deeper intimacy in marriage is to go against the very vows you promised on your wedding day. Satisfying this need in your spouse is your privilege alone! Yes, I called it a privilege.
Privilege – a special right or advantage granted or available only to a particular person.
No one can satisfy your spouse with pleasure the way you can, and no one has the power to disappoint them more than you. We must make a conscious choice which one we will choose. The former will lead to an adventurous marriage, and the latter leads to settled marriage. We pray that as we talk about Physical Intimacy, you will begin to desire change as you climb this mountain together.
In his excellent book, Sheet Music, Dr. Kevin Leman says,
Too many married couples settle for second best. The husband is willing to use his wife for biological release, and the wife may be willing to “accommodate” her husband just to avoid his incessant nagging. But that’s not what either of them truly desires. Neither person is fulfilled when sex is desperately asked for and only grudgingly given.
So take the plunge! Don’t settle for less than God has intended. Sex is one of the most amazing things God ever thought up–but sex this good doesn’t come naturally to any one of us. We have to become willing to practice how to be a better lover; we need to spend time thinking of ways to keep sex fresh and fun; we even need to study our spouse to discover just what fulfills them sexually. (pgs. 13 – 14)
Are you struggling in your sex life? There is hope for you and much to discover on this grand adventure. There will be uncomfortable questions to ask yourself and your spouse. You will need to commit to being honest and vulnerable with each other in a way you may have never experienced.
We have not been taught well in this regard, and sadly many churches don’t address this topic before, much less after, marriage. We are left alone in the dark, figuratively and literally, to discover it on our own. Sometimes this mountain requires too much effort without the skills needed to make it to the top, so we are tempted to quit. With some help and encouragement we believe you can get there. And wait until you see the view…
Intimacy at this level is breathtaking!
Photo by Clarisse Meyer on Unsplash
Physical Intimacy Prompt:
Dr. Leman shares that we all have a unwritten, sometimes unconscious sexual rule book. Some of the rules in our book came from how we were raised. Plan a date night out or a quiet evening after the kids are in bed to consider these questions:
What gets me upset in bed?
What in general, most fulfills me sexually?
What makes me lose interest in sex?
What generates the most interest in sex?
What sexual request or act creates the most fear in me?
Now step back and ask yourself why this might be so? You want to ask yourself these questions and bring the “hidden influence out into the open: Once you understand the influence, you can decide whether it’s a healthy or unhealthy one. You can choose to keep it or, if it’s hindering your marriage, get rid of it. (pgs. 26-27)
Practice connecting physically throughout the day, whether it’s
a lingering kiss in the morning,
a prolonged hug when you both return home at the end of the day
brushing each other secretly as you pass in the kitchen
rubbing your spouse’s shoulders after dinner.
These small acts of kindness are building blocks to a deeper Physical Intimacy. And it’s a great, non-threatening way to start.
Physical Intimacy Prayer:
Father,
Thank you for the hope and help You promise us if we will ask. So today we come asking that You will help us talk about this very important topic in our marriage. Give us the right words to describe what is going on in our hearts regarding Physical Intimacy. Help us both to be vulnerable and honest. May our words reveal our need accurately. I want my spouse to know my love for them is real, and that I am willing to do the hard work to make it strong and exciting. All of this is for Your glory to a watching world. Our children and our grandchildren need to see Christ’s love for the church reflected in how we love each other. May our love be genuine by the grace You supply.
In Jesus’ Name we ask,
Amen
Physical Intimacy Scripture:
“Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.” – Genesis 2:24-25 ESV (emphasis added)
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Welcome to our new followers. We are grateful for the time you are investing in making your marriage grow strong and healthy.
May this be the start of a new season of intimacy in your marriage.
There are some recipes I’ve had so long I don’t remember where I found it. This recipe is one of them. It is comfort food for our family, and hopefully for your’s too.
First, buy a good quality ham—we buy Costco’s ham—not the spiral cut. Slice them about 1/2” wide x 1” long to layer on top of the potatoes before baking in the oven.
Here is the recipe that I submitted to our church’s cookbook over 30 years ago. A rich history of food we’ve enjoyed together in our church.
Make roux and add shredded cheddarTop with ham slices
The Romantic Vineyard 