Tom and I have been really sick the last two weeks. It has been a lot of waiting for this virus to take its course.
For a while I had no smell or taste—which is awful when you try to cook. I craved things with lots of flavor, even though the taste was muted it was still better than tasting nothing.
I realized I have never made a good Italian Pasta Salad. Challenge accepted.
All I had to do was prep and chop the ingredients, mix together and chill for at least 2 hours. It was delicious!
We loved it so much we keep eating it. And I’m happy to say my taste and smell are returning. Thank you Lord!!
Why not give this recipe a try for a family gathering this summer. It makes plenty and it is worth the effort.
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Thank you for stopping by. We pray you find encouragement for your marriage that helps you stay the course.
I love it when Tom finds a recipe he wants me to make. Recently he came upon this recipe from Erin French of The Lost Kitchen. I thought it would be like a cobbler, but it wasn’t. The cake was moist and dense, and spooned up like butter.
Tom loves strawberry rhubarb pie, but I’ve only attempted it once. The rhubarb can be watery and too tart for my liking. Finding the right balance of sweet to tart was too much work for me with no guarantee I’d like the result. So I haven’t tried it again.
When he found this I decided to give the rhubarb another chance. Besides I love Erin’s recipes, so there was hope.
Oh my goodness!
This is such a delicious dessert. I served it warm with fresh whipped cream and I see now why Tom loves it.
This recipe balances out the tart to sweet well. Do you like rhubarb? If so, what’s your favorite way to make it?
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We are so glad you stopped by today. We hope you’ll add us to your favorites and enjoy time in our vineyard.
I have always loved to talk–ask my family, ask my husband. It is something I enjoy doing. It wasn’t until the past few years though, when the Lord began arresting my attention in this area of my life. My words were unbridled for sure and full of pride.
This is the second theme Gary Thomas shares on entering the quiet:
II. A Bridled Tongue – A wagging tongue is proof of an overly busy mind. John Climacus saw talkativeness as the antithesis of spiritual depth and maturity. “Talkativeness is the throne of vainglory on which it loves to preen itself and show off. Talkativeness is a sign of ignorance, a doorway to slander, a leader of jesting, a servant of lies, the ruin of compunction, a summoner of despondency, a messenger of sleep, a dissipation of recollection, the end of vigilance, the cooling of zeal, the darkening of prayer. Intelligent silence is the mother of prayer, freedom from bondage, custodian of zeal, a guard on our thoughts.”
It is ironic that those who talk the most often pray the least, frequently giving the excuse that they simply have no time.
The mark of a spiritual man or woman is a listening heart, not a lecturing tongue.
Wow. That quote says it all, and requires one to meditate long and hard on each point.
Do you or your spouse enjoy talking excessively?
I know this can be a touchy subject, especially if you’re the one who talks the most.
But if cultivating a quiet heart before the Lord is a priority in your life, then this subject cannot go unaddressed. God will not allow it. His still small voice cannot be heard by one who never stops long enough to listen.
I remember a season in my life when God did an amazing work in my heart. I had been away on a personal retreat. I saw things I had never seen before in my heart that needed to change. I was repentant and sincerely wanted to change. The day I was to head back home I heard God clearly speak to my heart that He didn’t want me to share any of what had happened that week with anyone else, including Tom, until He told me I could.
“What?! You mean I can’t even tell Tom?”
I was sure I had heard God because I would have never had this thought on my own. <sigh>
A sad fact, indeed. I thought Tom would press me to tell him more, but when I shared what I thought I heard God say he just smiled. He knew it was God too. <sigh, again>
I don’t remember now how long it was before I was able to tell Tom the whole story, but the point I learned was how intimate our time alone with God is. He doesn’t want us to speak of it casually. That would be likened to us speaking freely about our intimate times with our spouse with others. Just because we can doesn’t mean we should. I’ve learned to guard what happens during my quiet times with the Lord, and treat it as special as it really is.
Why not plan some time to sit down together and discuss the 11 definitions Climacus lists of talkativeness in the quote above? It may open your eyes to see things you haven’t seen before in this area of your life and marriage.
The mark of a spiritual man or woman is a listening heart, not a lecturing tongue. – Gary Thomas
“In the multitude of words sin is not lacking, but he who restrains his lips is wise.” Proverbs 10:19 NKJV
This week we are delving into the depths of cultivating the quiet in our minds, hearts and marriages. It may be something you’ve thought about often, or you may be venturing into unknown territory. Whatever the case, we believe this is the direction God is leading us to post about, and we are praying for you, that God will help you in this endeavor as He has helped us this past month.
We are purposing to post only three times this week and next to give us time to meditate on the Truths of this series. Our hope is that by us slowing down our posts it will help you slow down as well and hear what God is saying to you and your marriage.
Have you ever taken notice of the Sovereignty of God in the smallest of decisions you make?
For instance, before we came away this month the Lord led me to read Gary Thomas’ book, Seeking The Face Of God. I (Debi), finished right before we hit the road to come North, but I was compelled to bring it with me in case I wanted to refer to it. I’m so glad I did.
The sixth chapter is on Cultivating the Quiet, and reading it again here in this quiet place, helped us realize how easy it is to miss what God wants to say to us at any given time. We are simply too distracted to hear Him without purposing to quiet our hearts before Him.
Consider the following from pg. 104 of the book:
In Exodus 24, we’re told that Moses went up on a mountain to meet God and a cloud immediately covered the mount. “For six days the cloud covered the mountain and on the seventh day the Lord called to Moses…” (vs. 16)
Moses sat and waited on that mountain for six days before God started to speak to him. Six days! When I sit down to pray with God and wait for six minutes I get proud of myself. All too often it’s “All right God, let’s get going, I’m a busy man. I have things to do.”
Moses was willing to sit silently for six days!
And what about the people of Israel? “When the people saw that Moses was so long in coming down the mountain, they gathered around Aaron and said, “Come, make us gods who will go before us’” (32:1).
What’s so sad about this passage is that the Israelites were swept into idolatry by a motivation no more noble or severe than boredom. They were bored! And that was enough to turn them to false gods. They simply got tired of waiting.
The same is true today. Ask us to give money and we’ll write a check. Ask us to show up for a demonstration or special church service and we’re there. Ask us to give up something and we’ll sacrifice. Ask us to face boredom, and we turn on the T.V., pick up the newspaper, or tune in the radio. Please don’t ask us to be bored.”
The contrast here couldn’t be more stunning. Moses waited on God for 6 days without distraction and the Lord caused His glory to pass before him. The Israelites in their waiting began to grumble and complain and then demanded action from Aaron. In 6 short days their hearts turned completely to idols. They were no longer bored, but this choice led them away from God, not towards Him. Moses on the other hand embraced the boredom and waited to see God. And he was not disappointed.
There are many times in marriage where we are forced to wait.
When you are expecting a baby. There is no shortcut to birth. You have to wait out the time God has allotted for new life to enter your family.
When there is a job loss. This one can be quite challenging because you must stay focused on finding that job.
When you are raising small children. The time and effort required in this season can make your marriage seem like less of a priority.
When there is physical sickness or a chronic condition. There are times in marriage when physical intimacy just isn’t possible. You have to wait for healing or strength to return.
When caring for aging parents. The urgency in this season and the unexpected nature of being available all hours of the day and night make this a time where one spouse may have to wait for a long time for the other to be available to them.
These are just a few that come to mind.
Are you in the place of waiting? Are you having to wait on your spouse because of a situation like those listed above? Is the waiting helping you draw closer to God or are you grumbling and complaining? What things are tempting you to fill your time as you wait? Does your spouse know of the struggle you’re facing?
Don’t neglect the gift you have in your relationship with your spouse.
You are one flesh and you both should work as a team to hear what God is saying about your current situation. He will speak, the question is will you hear Him when He does, or will you be distracted?
Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will hear you. You will seek Me and find Me, when you seek Me with all your heart. Jeremiah 29:12-13 ESV
A few years ago Tom and I went on Whole 30 diet to figure out what foods were causing me trouble. He is amazing in how he’ll go out of his way to curb his appetite to help me when needed.
We weren’t expecting to find a recipe that would become a new favorite. Tuscan Shrimp is one of those recipes too good to file away.
I tweaked a few of the ingredients that make it no longer Whole 30 compliant, but I had to keep the coconut cream for the rich, decadent sauce.
40 Aprons is the source for this recipe. I used butter for the ghee, corn starch for the arrow root and Parmesan cheese for the nutritional yeast. Also I tossed it with bucatini pasta instead of the cauliflower rice. You can choose to make it either way—both are delicious options.
We had friends over last night, and this dish was a hit. We hope you’ll make the time to try this yourself. It may become your new favorite too.
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Welcome to our new followers. Words can’t describe what a privilege it is for us to encourage you in your marriage. We all need help and we don’t take this opportunity lightly. From Date Night ideas, to good food to enjoy together, to finding biblical encouragement for rough seasons, we are committed to helping your marriage continue to grow and thrive here in our vineyard.
Have you ever accomplished something together that makes you happier than you expected it would?
We did a few days ago.
The goal started in 2019. We had set aside time to clean out and organize our garage. But then a wave of adversity hit in our family that didn’t let up for years. When we had the time, we didn’t have the energy to do the work this project required. When we had the energy we didn’t have the time. And honestly when we had both, we lacked the motivation. {{sigh}}
I realized getting this job started was the key to actually doing it. So one day while Tom was doing errands, I started pulling everything out of the garage into the driveway. By the time he came home there was no turning back. We got 2/3s of the work done that day.
We disposed of bags and bags of garbage. Found many memories hidden in boxes of photographs. We donated probably four carloads to our local sharing center. The most rewarding was finally finding where to dispose of our 25+ cans of paint.
We completed the job earlier this month. Now every time we pull into the garage it almost makes us sing! The job wasn’t as hard as we thought it would be and the rewards of a job well-done makes us wish we had done this sooner.
Six years have passed since we put this on our to-do list, and I’m happy to say we have finally finished the job!
After our new sod was installed last month, we were on a roll. Grateful to be able to work together on big projects like these; this same kind of work is required for keeping a marriage strong.
Do the hard things, start the conversation, say you’re sorry, confess your sins, forgive when necessary, pray together, join a strong local church if you haven’t, and let others in to your lives. This is how a marriage goes from being piled with clutter and unnecessary things to a marriage that brings happiness and joy to you and those who know you. Most of all it glorifies God as He is the One who makes this kind of marriage possible.
When was the last time you both got on a roll doing necessary things?
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Thanks for stopping by today. We pray you find ways to make your marriage stronger get day after day.
Years ago when our kids were teenagers and still at home, a song by this title was released. It resonated with me because raising teens was the hardest thing I had yet to encounter.
The Lord brought this song to my mind tonight. Reading the lyrics I realize how much this song was preparing me for the “not yet” of my story. Following are the lyrics:
Life Is Hard, But God Is Good
You turn the key Then close the door behind you Drop your bags on the floor You reach for the light But there’s darkness deep inside And you can’t take it anymore
‘Cause sometimes living takes the life out of you And sometimes living is all you can do
Life is hard, the world is cold We’re barely young and then we’re old But every falling tear is always understood Yes, life is hard, but God is good
You start to cry ‘Cause you’ve been strong for so long And that’s not how you feel You try to pray But there’s nothing left to say So you just quietly kneel
In the silence of all that you face God will give you His mercy and grace
Jesus never said It was an easy road to travel He only said that you would never be alone So when your last thread of hope Begins to come unraveled Don’t give up, He walks beside you On this journey home and He knows
Life is hard, the world is cold We’re barely young and then we’re old But every falling tear is always understood Yes, life is hard, but God is good
Reading these now 30 years later the truth of this song is a comfort, not a dirge.
When I was young it was scary to look too far down the path of life. Letting go of my babies as they became teens was hard. Letting go of high schoolers to college or career was hard. Letting go of them living at home to be married or live on their own was hard.
Then comes retirement and adjusting to being with your spouse all day everyday. This wasn’t hard for us, just a new normal. But many couples find it so hard their marriage doesn’t survive the change.
Why bring this up on a Monday as you’re starting a new week? We need to anticipate the changes to come in marriage. If we don’t we’re won’t be ready when they come.
Tom and I have weathered many changes in our marriage. Honestly there were times we didn’t like the hard. But God has been oh so very good to us. We just had to make it through the hard to uncover the good.
Today you may be facing a hard season you never expected. May I say you aren’t alone? Marriage is hard work and each season brings new hard to the door of your home. Those who desire to grow their marriage for God’s glory are willing to face hard times together. Most would never choose the hard God has chosen for us, but once it passes we wouldn’t change what we learned for any amount of money.
Our story is valuable. Do you see it that way? How has the enemy succeeded in making you ashamed of your story? Don’t let the hard you’ve experienced hide the goodness of God. He has been with you every step, faithfully completing the work He has begun in you and in your marriage.
Let Him have His way and trust Him with when and where you’ll tell others what you’ve learned.
Life is hard! But never forget that God is good—always good.
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Thank you for being a part of our vineyard. We would love to hear how God has helped you through hard times. Let the comments section be your practice ground for telling your story.
It’s Mother’s Day this weekend which makes me miss my Mom so much. She has been gone now for thirteen years and it’s still hard for me to walk by the Mother’s Day card aisle, as it accentuates my loss.
I have several recipes of her’s that bring me comfort. This one is the easiest and carries with it the most memories for me. Mashed potatoes with hamburger gravy is a simple meal, yet it comforts my soul, as good food should.
I recall on one of our research trips to Oklahoma for my book, my Mom and I happened on a restaurant for lunch. We were surprised to find this dish on their buffet line! Of course we helped ourselves to it, but it didn’t compare with Mom’s, I think it was missing the love stirred into the gravy. 🥰
I have made this recipe our entire marriage—our kids love it as much as we do. It is one of those recipes you can throw together when you don’t know what to make.
I hope it will become a family favorite of your’s too.
Mashed Potatoes with Hamburger Gravy
Ingredients:
1 lb. Ground chuck
4-6 Tbs. flour
1-1.5 cups milk
1/4 tsp. Sage (if desired)
Salt and pepper to taste
Mashed potatoes
Instructions:
Brown beef thoroughly, then drain off all but a Tbs. of fat. Add flour and stir to coat the meat well. Add the milk and stir until thickened. Season with spices. Serve over hot mashed potatoes. Enjoy!
If your Mom is still with you, be sure and give her a big hug this weekend and tell her you love her. If she’s not local, call her up or send her an unexpected gift card or flowers. It will make her day!
Happy Mother’s Day to all who are blessed to be called mom. It is gift that lasts a lifetime and something for which I thank God everyday.
We have purposed this year to write consistently every Monday, Wednesday and Friday. And by God’s grace we have been faithful to do so, that is until now.
Most of you know we have a special needs grandson, Elias, who is our hero. He has overcome so many obstacles in his 4 1/2 years that make me want to cry.
He is facing another battle called parainfluenza 3. It is a virus that is nothing more than a cold to a normal child his age, but it has put him in the hospital since Monday. Our Papa and Nana hearts hurt for him and his parents.
Becoming parents to three children was one of the highlights of our young lives. Becoming grandparents to our 10 grandchildren over the past 18 years has increased our joy immeasurably. But it can also cause more heartache. When they hurt we are grieving not only what they’re facing, but also what our kids are facing in parenting them through it.
“Anxiety can be the very thing that cripples us and forces us to try to lean on our own understanding of whatever we’re anxious about. But God also has a purpose in it. I wonder whether our problem is less about anxiety and more about what we do with it. Let’s consider anxiety as a doorway into intimacy with the Father. That is Paul’s suggestion in Philippians 4:6.
I’m not telling you to try harder not to be anxious. I’m not going to try to explain away your anxiety or pretend that going to God will just take away the anxiety in the moment. There are other books for that. This book is about not doing anything on your own. This book is about the incredible potential of bringing everything out of hiding and giving it to the Lord, who already knows it all. He knows what we’re worried about, and He’s not worried about it. He wants you to talk to Him about it, but you don’t need to be anxious about your anxiety. You can relax.
As Papa and Nana our prayer life has been about laying our burdens at His feet trusting He knows what He’s doing. We simply pray, “Thy will be done.” We are learning to relax and trust God even when we don’t understand.
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your path.” Proverbs 3:5-6
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Thank you for understanding. Marriage is all about growing together towards God. Here we are sharing an area of growth we are currently experiencing in our marriage.
We haven’t arrived, none of us will in this life. We are walking the same marriage road trusting in our God who isn’t worried about a thing. Why should we be?
I haven’t been cooking much the last couple of weeks, so I was ready to get back in the kitchen.
This recipe was fun to make. There is something therapeutic for me in prepping the veggies and cooking them all together transforming them into something delicious. My mind is focused on cooking alone and gives my brain a rest from other thoughts.
What made this recipe even more special is that it was to bless someone who needed a meal for their family. As I cooked I prayed that this family would not only be nourished, but feel loved.
I found the recipe on The Cozy Cook website. The only change I made was to omit the spicy hot sauce. If it was for us we would have kept it in and probably doubled it. But I wasn’t sure if the heat would be a blessing to this family.
Creating good food is like a dance where all the ingredients come together and enjoy their part with the music. When the meal is shared around the table with friends and family, it connects us by our most basic need—to be fed and nourished.
If we pause in the moment we can feel the warmth and satisfaction enjoying a good meal together provides.
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Welcome to our vineyard. We would love to hear from you and what life is like in your part of the world. We need each other, not only to help with hard times, but also to celebrate the good.
There is one thing required for a marriage to grow strong and healthy. Without it a marriage ends up with a lot more conflicts and disagreements.
This one thing is humility. It isn’t thinking less of yourself—as in self-deprecation—but it is thinking of yourself, less.
We have counseled many couples who lacked this one quality and it made all the difference.
Humility takes the hit even if it wasn’t your fault. The humble spouse is more focused on what’s best for the marriage than they are winning an argument.
The thing is it takes a humble heart to desire humility. This seems impossible and it is, but God! He is the God of the impossible.
Consider how we got saved in the first place. The One person who never sinned and had every right to defend His motives, willingly laid His rights down for our good! What a Savior!
Do you remember that God established marriage as an earthly example of how Christ loves the church and laid His life down for her? This embodies humility. What a high calling for husbands to follow.
The next time you are trapped in a conflict, check yourself for humility. Are you willing to humble yourself and seek peace?
This is required to have a healthy marriage. When was the last time you asked God to help you grow in humility? He will do it for this is praying according to His will.
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Thanks for stopping by today. We took an unexpected week off having sold some family property that has been on the market for over 2 years. It was emotional for me, Debi, and time-consuming for Tom. We are happy to have come to this point in the process.
Today is Good Friday. It is the day we as Christians remember Jesus and the willing sacrifice He made for us on the cross.
But before He was arrested He sat down with those closest to Him and served them in shocking ways.
First, He had a meal prepared of bread and wine. The bread was symbolic of his body that would soon be broken for our sins. The wine was symbolic of his sinless blood that would soon be spilled beneath the cross. He asked the disciples to partake of this meal that night and on a regular basis there after. He gave one stipulation; “Do this in remembrance of Me.”
Next, He humbled Himself by kneeling before each disciple washing their dirty feet. He did this as an act to show what true love does for others—one who is willing to serve, rather than demand to be served. No other god had ever demonstrated such love and humility. But Jesus was different.
The disciples were perplexed as they took in all that had taken place. They had no idea what was coming or that this meal would be remembered until Jesus returned.
This Foodie Friday is good because Jesus set the table for us to enjoy His Supper often and with gratefulness as we remember Him.
“The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make his face to shine upon you and be gracious to you; the Lord lift his face on you and give you peace.” Numbers 6:24-26
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🎶 “Friday’s good ‘cause Sunday’s coming.“🎶
Have a blessed Easter celebrating Jesus’ death, burial and resurrection. We are grateful for you and your love for your spouse. It’s all because of Jesus and for His glory.
On American Idol we witnessed the sweetest public display of affection that had the audience in tears.
The contestant’s name is, Thunderstorm Artis, and he is obviously a caring and understanding husband. He sang a song he wrote for his wife that recalls his devotion and deep love for her.
But the most astounding part was the way he understands her every need. This song speaks volumes from which husbands can learn to help them love and understand their own wives better.
Following is his performance with the lyrics below. What an example he displayed to a watching world.
I saw you crying last night. Watch tears fall like stars from your eyes.
You don’t need me to fix it, just need a minute. Someone to be by your side.
I see the love that you give, each time I look in the eyes of our kids.
I’m always reminded how beautiful life is, and how much this time is a gift.
If you ever get the feeling, the feeling you’re falling apart, you can…
Give me the doubts in your head. And I’ll hold all the pain in my chest.
Let me carry your weight on my shoulders. Let me carry it over and over.
‘til there’s nothing, nothing left.
‘til my last dying breath.
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Thank you for stopping by today. This post begs the question, what example does my marriage display by the way I love and understand my spouse?
It would be good to talk about this together.
We all need to grow and oftentimes in ways we may not realize. Asking good questions like:
Do you feel that I see and hear you when you need it most?
Do I ever make you feel invisible?
These will open the door to emotional intimacy—the soil where a strong marriage can thrive.
This week is the week we celebrate the arrival of Jesus to Jerusalem. He came humble and riding on a donkey. The people rejoiced saying, “Blessed is He who comes in the name of the Lord!”
Imagine if Jesus were to arrive in your home today. Would He receive the welcome due a King?
In most marriages spiritual intimacy, that is the practice of opening up our souls together before Jesus, is often lacking. It has been true in our marriage longer than we would like to admit, but talking about it sheds light on this often-neglected discipline.
Discipline is such a harsh word; I like pursuit of godliness more.
When a husband and wife come together to worship the Lord in their own living room, their marriage is glorifying Jesus. He isn’t absent, but meets with them both right there in this holy place.
This morning after reading the Bible separately, Tom played a few favorite worship songs. We worshiped the Lord as one because as the Bible tells us—we are one flesh.
For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife; and the two shall become one flesh. This mystery is great: but I speak in regard of Christ and of the church. Ephesians 5:31-32
It was spontaneous and left us both filled with His presence and encouraged for the day ahead.
If Jesus were to arrive in your home today, would you pause what you are doing and let Him in? He has the words of life—your life—that apply to what you are both facing today. And the best news is that He is always with us because of the Cross.
This is how we make Holy Week personal.
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Welcome to you all! We don’t take it lightly that you read what we have to share. Our prayer is that it points you to the only One who has the words of life for your marriage.
May this week lead you both to deeper intimacy together with our Savior.
Tom and I love playing golf together. Our parents played together, and we have carried on the tradition.
Most Sunday afternoons you can find us watching it on TV and this weekend is the Sunday of all Sundays to watch. It’s the annual Master’s Tournament in Augusta, GA.
Tom had the opportunity a few years ago to go in person to watch the players practice round on a Wednesday. Being a foodie, one of his favorite memories made was enjoying their peach ice cream sandwiches.
We have friends visiting and wondered if I could find a good recipe for these delights. Voila! The Intentional Hospitality website had a recipe that looked easy, so I decided to give it a try.
These are the photos of the process. I made them according to the recipe.
Take peach ice cream andAdd frozen peaches to a blender. Add whipping cream for right consistency.Spread on cookie sheet lined with parchment paperBake sugar cookies Cut out ice cream with biscuit cutter the size of cookiesStack ice cream between two cookies and enjoy!
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Welcome if you are just joining us. We love writing about food, marriage, romance, date nights and growing stronger in all areas of married life. We hope you’ll come back often. We are glad to have you.
Mark Twain said, “The difference between the right word and the almost right word is “the difference between lightning and a lightning bug.”
I suppose the reverse of this could be said as well – using the wrong words when you know it’s the wrong time to use them can be as destructive as a lightning bolt. I know. I witnessed first hand the effects of my words; I call them trigger words.
Case in point:
We were driving down the road, and we got to talking about some issues weighing heavily on me causing me to feel sad. In fact, I was confessing to Tom how I felt like crying. He made a suggestion he thought would help, but instead of seeing his honest attempt to help me, I reacted. I completely shut him down, and silence ensued.
I hate moments like these. As soon as the words left my mouth the temperature in the car became icy cold. I shivered and struggled, but certainly didn’t repent. Instead I dug my heels in wanting to stay in this place for a while. Honestly, I don’t know why. It wasn’t comfortable – I was miserable! But I stayed in this mood until I awoke the next morning. Or should I say the Lord woke me and began prodding my conscience.
It worked.
At 5:15 a.m. I was up and dealing with my heart. By 7:00 I had made Tom his coffee, taken it to our room and apologized for the pain and distance my words had caused. He received my words this time for they were the “right words.”
You’ve heard it said, Them’s Fightin Words!
Yet we are oftentimes quick to draw them out of our holster when needed. We point and shoot our words with the expertise of a gunslinger.
What is the point in doing this? Who wins? No one wins – not in a marriage.
As partners for life we’re on the same team. Shooting off fightin’ words only kills the life of our relationship. So why do we do it? Because it’s easier to let ’em fly, than it is to restrain ourselves from grabbing the gun in the first place. It takes great restraint to say “no” to the sudden impulse of striking back.
It is helpful to remember what Christ has done for us.
He used great restraint allowing the Roman government to not only cast a guilty verdict on his guiltless life, but He allowed them to take it even farther – He let them crucify Him.
He had the power to call down lightning from Heaven and put a rightful end to this unrighteous death sentence, but He didn’t. He was compelled to give His life for love; love for His Father and love for us.
Amazing.
Considering this Truth is what helped me walk into our room and surrender my sinful heart not only to Tom, but to Christ. These are the two men who are most devoted to me and allow me to make huge messes with my fightin words, but welcome me back time and time again. It was Christ’s love that compelled me to repent, and Tom’s love that accepted my repentance.
This is kindness. This is mercy. The trigger words of grace.
How have you used trigger words in your marriage? Are they fightin’ words or are they the words of grace?
“When words are many, transgression is not lacking, but whoever restrains his lips is prudent.” – Proverbs 10:9
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Thanks for stopping by today to read another Vintage post. This one is from 2011. We share these posts from time to time that were published years ago. The truths they carry are worth re-reading. like a Vintage year for wine, it is worth enjoying again.
We thank God for your desire to grow your marriage. We pray He meets you where you are and leads you closer to each other and to Him.
Yesterday was a banner day for us. Our church, Metro Life Church in Casselberry, FL, turned 40.
We were part of the start in the spring of 1985. We had two of our three children at that time as 17 adults and 11 children set out on a journey we never expected.
God had plans for us to discover what New Testament reality looked like. We had no idea how to build on this vision. We just kept taking the next step as God led the way.
Many of us fell in love with Jesus during what is now called, The Jesus Revolution in the mid-70’s. This church is the fruit of the vision God had given our senior pastor, Danny Jones. We were excited then to see what God would do.
Today we got to look back and remember what God has done in and through us in 40 years. Tears overflowed!
Leading children’s ministry 1985
Danny said, “Most church plants don’t survive, let alone live to recount God’s faithfulness over 40 years. Through good times, bad times and even horrible times, He has been with us every step of the way. It is overwhelming.”
As we saw long-time friends, who used to call Metro home, come and celebrate with us we were also overwhelmed.
Our Home Group about 1997
Relationships were the building blocks of our church. Today, even those who have been led elsewhere, are still close friends. When we meet it’s as if no time has passed.
When Tom and I got home we were happily exhausted. Basking in the glow of God’s goodness to us.
A verse shared today says it well, “When the LORD brought back the captives to Zion (Jerusalem), We were like those who dream [it seemed so unreal].” Psalm 126:1 (Amplified)
Today was a banner day, one that will forever be marked in our hearts as special—worth remembering.
From the first day until now, it seems as if we blinked and God has brought us here.
This is a video made to commemorate this milestone…
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Thank you for stopping by our vineyard. We pray you have strong relationships with those who know and love you well. It takes friends willing to say hard things to help us see our need so our marriage can grow. We all have blind spots. Friends can be a clear reflection of who we really are. It’s worth the pursuit to have strong, lasting friendships.
Comfort. It’s part of my word for this year, #comfortandjoy2025.
This has been one of those weeks I would rather avoid. But I’ve learned in the last few years that hard times produce good fruit. That is, if we are pliable in the Master’s hands.
How I long to be pliable until…He molds and shapes me in uncomfortable ways. He prods and pushes in sore spots that make me wince.
If you’re older than a minute you know what I’m talking about.
Sanctification is the process God uses to make me more like Christ. It doesn’t happen easily or according to my time table, but disrupts and dismantles personal preferences. It tests to see if my spirit is willing, but my flesh is weak. And oh today I have felt weak!
This leads to my recipe for this week. Whenever I’ve had a hard day, it does my heart good to cook a comfort food that ends the day with a satisfying sigh.
Chicken Fried Chicken has been on my menu of things to cook soon for a while now. Today was the perfect day to satisfy this craving.
There’s something about crispy, juicy, hot and creamy with a hint of heat that comforts mind, heart and soul! Each savory bite kept my thoughts in the moment. This is necessary when trouble is knocking at the door.
I’m too tired to type the steps, but you can find the recipe here.
If you are looking for a new family favorite, try this one. It sounds more difficult than it is, but it will make a delicious mess of your kitchen.
We pray your weekend is filled with moments that comfort your soul and fill your heart with joy—lasting joy.
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Welcome to our Vineyard. We love sharing everything about marriage with you—the good, bad and difficult to understand. It’s because all these things make your marriage unique and worth sharing with those who know you. We are glad you are here. Have a blessed weekend!
The Romantic Vineyard 