A Night I’ll Never Forget…

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It was a night I had anticipated for years.  

I had missed my first chance to see them because we were out of town for their inaugural concert at Orlando’s brand new Amway Center. The Eagles were coming to town for a second time, and.I.couldn’t.wait!

Tom bought us tickets as well as one for our daughter. He said he wanted to treat the two ladies in his life. 🙂 The night didn’t disappoint–it was full of great music, tight harmonies and stunning lighting effects. I was taken back to my high school days with my favorite–Best Of My Love. And I absolutely loved the vocals of Take It To The Limit.

Last night as we were enjoying dinner with Tom’s Mom and Pops, when I got the sad news that the end of the Eagles era had come to an abrupt end–Glenn Frey, the Eagles lead singer and co-founder had died. What I didn’t know was his lifelong battle with a weakened immune system, intestinal problems and most recently pneumonia. He is survived by his wife and three children, ages 24 – 13. It was a sad day.

It has made me realize all the more to appreciate the time we’ve been given.

Glenn didn’t know that he would never make it to another concert. His last performance was in July when he was seemingly strong and healthy. But it was his last nonetheless.

Frey will be remembered for his classic songs: Take It Easy, Tequila Sunrise and Hotel California to name a few. He was used to the spotlight, but sadly that light has been extinguished forever for this talented musician from Detroit. Yet his music will live on…

I close with a video from my senior year in high school – 1977, titled Best Of My Love. It is a sad song about the end of a relationship. Don Henley sings that he gave the best of his love and it still wasn’t enough to keep his relationship from “slipping away”. This is why we are passionate about helping marriages – we hate seeing life-long covenants “fall apart at the seams” because “you see it your way and I see it mine.” There has to be a way to fix what’s been broken, and we know of that way–it’s at the foot of the Cross. Grace heals decaying relationships, and it begins by bringing us back into relationship with the Father. If Christ can do that, then know that there is hope for your marriage.

Our hearts and prayers go out to his wife and children whose lives will  never be the same. May this be a reminder that our days are numbered on this earth. Make the most of every opportunity you have to love, bless and honor your spouse, and make sure to seek the One who holds the keys to eternity–Jesus Christ. It’s for Him and His glory alone that we live and love.

 

Posted in Christian Marriage, Death and Grieving, Growing Strong Marriages, Music, Seasons of Life | Tagged , , | Comments Off on A Night I’ll Never Forget…

Understanding When You Don’t Understand

Understanding

The Bible commands husbands in 1 Peter 3:7

Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.

What does it mean to live with your wife in an understanding way? What does it mean for a wife to live with her husband in an understanding way?

Tom and I are doing a marriage devotional together provided by the YouVersion app on our phones. It’s a 14 day reading plan on marriage, and today’s was on this very topic. The author presented a very provoking thought:

The dictionary traditionally defines understanding as ‘the faculty of the human mind by which it…comprehends the ideas which others express and intend to communicate.’ Yet in the Bible, understanding is not just a transfer of information, but empathy for the other person.

Empathy. That requires you to put yourself in your spouse’s shoes and consider their trouble as if you were them! How many of us really do that? I think I’m more prone to try and convince Tom to see it my way and then he wouldn’t be struggling, at least that’s what my pride would have me believe. <sigh>

Husbands are the ones commanded specifically to do this with their wives, and maybe it’s because men typically don’t get women. Women don’t think like men, and we process our information in a completely different way than they do. But just because we’re different doesn’t mean one is right and the other is wrong. There are generally more ways than one to fix a problem. Even in math, which I don’t like I prefer words, there is more than one way to get the correct answer.

Maybe what it boils down to is a matter of preference?

To understand each other completely we need to be willing to defer our preferences to how our spouse prefers to process something. And then avoid the temptation to mock them or tease them for how they do it. What is of primary importance is to use the obstacles life brings us to learn and grow in our complete understanding of the other.

I love watching couples who have been married for decades for this very reason; they have learned through much practice how their spouse processes things, and they know how to read what they’re thinking before they speak a word. What a blessing it must be to reach that stage of life where you not only love your spouse completely, but your understanding of them reaches beyond what is visible.

Imagine how we will be able to pray for one another in that season? Let’s purpose to do all we can now to grow in our understanding of each another so our prayers will be all the more effective as we intercede on their behalf.

Posted in Christian Marriage, Difficulty, Encouraging Your Spouse, Growing Strong Marriages, Prayer, Spiritual Intimacy | Tagged , , , | 2 Comments

Happy Hour

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It’s the time of the week when we wind down from all the activities and responsibilities that define us and take time for us. We love providing you with our top posts of the week from other bloggers–those we think are special enough for you to read when you have time.  Have a great weekend!

Cheers…

Darby Dugger

  • Self-Control<<A topic not usually talked about in this way. “I have falsely believed that it is better to shut down than to scream, but both choices allow my emotions to determine my behavior. The truth is, I’m equally out of control whether I’m silently fuming or yelling.” – Darby

Gary Thomas

  • He Lies<<A blog by one of our favorite marriage authors. This post goes right along with the rest of those in this post. “When you hear a lie and don’t confront it, it becomes your “truth,” even though it’s not true. Which means we have to be constant and expert lie detectors. ” – Gary

Intimacy In Marriage

Messy Marriage

  • The Allure of the Illegitimate in Marriage<<Beth has excellent advice for the spouse who suspects their spouse is being unfaithful as well as advice for the spouse caught up in this death-trap. “God wired us to live our lives according to His law and Word, and when we go against that, we experience nothing short of disaster.” – Beth

The Forgiven Wife

  • Join Me in a Journey of 9 Thoughts (a new book by Sheila Gregoire)<<“In order to make real change in my marriage, I had to be intentional about changing my thoughts.” – Chris
Posted in Blog Love, Christian Marriage, Happy Hour | Tagged | Comments Off on Happy Hour

Romantic Friday: Start A Dinner Club

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logodatabase.net

Tom and I love to cook. And since we’re empty nesters, we can focus on cooking foods we love and experiment with those we’ve never tried.

For years we had a dinner club of like-minded couples who loved to cook. It was such a fun time in our marriage. We called it the Passport Dinner Club where each couple was given a “passport” to document the many countries we “visited” throughout the year.

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We learned we loved some foods of different cultures, and we discovered others that weren’t worth visiting again.

One of my favorite nights we were hosting. We moved all of our living room furniture out of the way and set up a folding table without opening the legs. We set it on blocks to make it only a couple of feet off the floor. Pillows were thrown around the table for seating. I hung paper lanterns from our ceiling over the table decorated from supplies bought at Party City. The country was Japan, the favorite food was Sushi, but the laughter and the conversation was what made the night. I’ll never forget us trying to eat with chopsticks–it was hilarious.

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Establishing a dinner club doesn’t have to be difficult.

  1. Find three or four couples with whom you want to spend more time.
  2. Decide whether you’ll meet monthly or quarterly.
  3. Rotate from house to house having the hosting couple choose what the theme of the dinner will be.
  4. The hosting couple can either allow each couple to choose what authentic dish they’ll bring to the dinner, or they can select all the recipes and give assignments.
  5. Take lots of pictures. You can even set up a private blog to remember your experience together.

Our Dinner Club lasted over 5 years, and it was wonderful while it lasted. We made memories over the dinner table that will last a lifetime. We have a saying on the wall of our Dining Room that reads,

“The fondest memories are made while gathered around the table.”

As a resource that is greatly inspiring me in regard to gathering around the table with friends, I’m reading and loving this book by Shauna Niequist titled, Bread and Wine. She says in her introduction…

What’s becoming clearer and clearer to me is that the most sacred moments, the ones in which I feel God’s presence most profoundly, when I feel the goodness of the world most arrestingly, take place at the table. The particular alchemy of celebration and food, of connecting people and serving what I’ve made with my own hands, comes together as more than the sum of their parts. I love the sounds and smells and textures of life at the table, hands passing bowls and forks clinking against plates and bread being torn and the rhythm and energy of feeding and being fed.

Have you ever had a Dinner Club? It doesn’t have to revolve around cooking, if this isn’t your style.

You could meet at a restaurant or have food brought in from pizza to Chinese take-out. The point is to make relationships while gathered together sharing a meal from house to house. Marriages thrive when friendships abound. This is fellowship. This is life and it is good!

Bon Appetit!

Posted in Christian Marriage, Date Night Ideas, Dinner Dates, Growing Strong Marriages | Tagged , , , , | 2 Comments

To Dump Or Not To Dump–How To Know The Difference

 

Photo Credit: Traveling With Sue

 
I remember years ago when Tom and I were looking to move from our first home to one that would accommodate our growing family, we found a neighborhood near a lake that we really liked. The homes were brand new and the idea of being able to pick carpet color, tile and paint was a real draw for me. However, hidden nearby was something that would be a deal breaker for us; Just around the corner from this home was a large mound of green earth that to the passerby looked like a hill, but to those who were unfortunate to live there they knew it was made up of buried garbage. 

If you drove by on a cloudy day the stench hung in the air like a bad dream. Even though the area looked nice what was hidden beneath the surface made the living conditions unbearable.

Marriage can be like this hill; everything looks great on the outside, but underneath where no one sees you’ve been dumped on over and over. Living with your spouse in this way really stinks (pun intended). This is not what God intended for marriage.

Our tongues get us in a lot of trouble when we don’t keep proper boundaries on what’s good and profitable speech. Some would argue that they’re just being “totally honest” with their spouse about something regarding them, their marriage or other relationships. But know this–just because you’re married you don’t have permission to dump on them everything you’re thinking.  Especially when your thoughts are critical in nature.

“How great a forest is set ablaze by such a small fire! And the tongue is a fire, a world of unrighteousness.” – James 3:5-6
ESV

A few nights ago I could tell that something was bothering Tom, so I asked him what he was thinking. He was reluctant to share, but at my persistence he dumped. I found out there was a lot hidden under his silence, like that buried garbage. It helped me to know how to pray for him, and it helped him to get his thoughts out in the open. It was the right time to dump because I wanted to help and I was ready to listen.

I can think of another time when I was really upset about something. Without being asked I poured out my garbage on Tom. He had no way of knowing what was buried in my heart–kind of like driving by and noticing a stench. This was the wrong time to dump. 

“There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.” – Proverbs 12:18 ESV

Dumping in marriage is inevitable, how it’s done is crucial to the health and living conditions of the marriage. Seek the right time and place to share openly about your troublesome thoughts and then allow the Lord to deal with your heart.

Sadly, the people who lived in that neighborhood got used to the stench. May we be committed to deal with issues in our marriage before the garbage piles up. Your family and neighbors will thank you and most importantly–so will your spouse!

Posted in Christian Marriage | Comments Off on To Dump Or Not To Dump–How To Know The Difference

Meet Isaac And Rebekah

freebibleimages.org

freebibleimages.org

Tom and I are reading through the Bible this year and are on the part in Genesis of the story about Isaac and Rebekah. I absolutely love this story; it wreaks of faith in God, trust in His provision and enjoyment of the gift.

First, in regard to faith in God

Isaac was a child of promise. Born to his father and mother very late in life, he was born for something bigger than he could have ever dreamed. His dad had great faith that what God had spoken He would do. Isaac had witnessed first hand how God provided a sacrifice in his place. And now it was time for God to lead him into the future He had prepared for Him. Isaac was the main character, but He hadn’t written the script. He knew in his heart that God was the author of his story. So when his dad told his servant to go and find a wife for his son among his people back home, Isaac was full of faith that it would happen just as his dad had said.

(Step into today for a minute and think about this. You know that someone who works for your dad is going across country to find you a wife, sight unseen. What?! That seems irresponsible, presumptuous, even foolish to some degree, doesn’t it? Don’t you have to go out for awhile to see if you’re compatible, if you like the same things, if your families gel. But not here. Those times were so different from ours, but one thing is the same and always will be. Marriage requires a step of faith that God has led you both to a life-long companion who will help you accomplish His plan for your lives. It can be scary. I know I had a deep awareness that my life was about to change forever, and I had faith that it would be good.)

Secondly, Isaac trusted that God would provide

We aren’t told how long Abraham’s servant was gone, but it must have been awhile. Life on the ranch had continued as normal with Isaac just returning from a nearby village. He had been waiting and waiting to see his dad’s entourage returning on the horizon. It was sunset and he had taken a walk to talk with the Lord. Can you imagine that conversation? It could be that he struggled to believe that his dad’s servant would return with a wife for him. We aren’t told, but Isaac was human. He struggled in the same way we do when we’re told to wait.

(How well do you wait upon the Lord? Especially when what you’re waiting for is a deep desire of your heart? Honestly, it’s difficult to have trust that God will provide. When I was younger I struggled with this more, in the same way I would have expected Isaac to struggle. However, the Bible doesn’t elude in any way that Isaac struggled with the waiting. After all, he didn’t have the benefit of connecting with relatives across long distances. There was no internet, no phone and no way to get there except for a long, hard trip on the back of a camel. Isaac had no other choice but to trust God to provide His heart’s desire. Not to mention it was God who had promised to make a great nation out of his father’s offspring, right?)

Thirdly, when Isaac finally saw on the horizon what his heart had longed for, he was full of expectation and excitement

This is the part of Scripture I can see playing out vividly on the big screen in slow motion. 🙂 Rebekah sees Isaac at a distance and inquires who he is. When she discovers it is the man she will soon call her husband, she moves toward her future with humility, faith and expectancy. I imagine Isaac may have dropped everything as he walked and then ran towards her, anxious to finally meet God’s provision for him.

There was no planning, no courting period, not even a wedding. Just a confident trust that God had secured a life-long partner for Isaac and a means for a future family of heirs. And he enjoyed what he had been given. Isaac took Rebekah into his mother’s tent (who had recently died) and there they consummated their marriage.

Fast-forward to Genesis 26 where Isaac and Rebekah were in the midst of a great famine. They had started a family – twin boys – and they needed to move to a city to survive. This is where it’s evident that Isaac greatly enjoyed the gift God had given him in Rebekah:

So Isaac settled in Gerar. When the men of the place asked him about his wife, he said, “She is my sister,” for he feared to say, “My wife,” thinking, “lest the men of the place should kill me because of Rebekah,” because she was attractive in appearance. When he had been there a long time, Abimelech king of the Philistines looked out of a window and saw Isaac laughing with Rebekah his wife.

I love this! Especially in a culture where women are not valued. Here is Isaac not only happy, but laughing with his wife.

  • When was the last time you considered your own story–how you came together as husband and wife?
  • When was the last time you laughed out loud together, just the two of you? So much so that when others saw you they knew you had a special relationship?

We have all been through seasons requiring great faith in God, trust in His provision and best of all, the chance to enjoy the gift of marriage. We encourage you to spend some time together recounting God’s faithfulness in your marriage, His provision for your family and thank Him specifically for all He has done together in prayer.

Posted in Biblical Encouragement, Christian Marriage, Love Stories, Testimonies, Thankfulness | Tagged , | 6 Comments

Happy Hour

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It’s the time of the week when we share with you the amazing posts of other marriage blogs we frequent and respect. Take some time this weekend to relax and refresh you marriage.

Darby Dugger – Offering Wives Authenticity Rather Than Advice                     (love her by-line)

  • Pray-Day Thursday – Each Thursday she offers a prayer for wives to pray for their husbands. We’ve just discovered Darby and love her heart to bless her man in such a practical, yet purposeful way.
  • Fasting And Marriage – Have you ever held your obedience to the Lord hostage waiting for your husband to go first? Darby brings up this tendency with a very honest post.

Encourage Your Spouse

Hot, Holy and Humorous

  • Star Wars And Fighting For Your Marriage – Leave it to J to find an analogy in the new Star Wars movie – The Force Awakens. And I might add, she does a brilliant job. If you’ve seen the movie, click and read. If you haven’t, you may want to wait as there are spoiler alerts.

Intimacy In Marriage

  • Julie and her friend are offering their book–Pursuit of Passion–at a 25% discount through tomorrow. Invest in your sexual health in 2016 by buying this book. Your marriage will thank you!
  • Sex and Marriage: I Didn’t Know What I Didn’t Know – Julie shares honestly the why behind her blog on Sex in marriage. Her testimony will surprise you and draw you to listen to what she has learned the hard way. This is a MUST read for anyone struggling with sexual intimacy in your marriage!

Journey To Surrender

  • Why You Need To Keep (Or Start) Dating In 2016 – Scott is starting a series on Dating based on what he’s discovered through a survey he offered his readers about their dating habits. I’m really looking forward to this series, and I hope you will too.

Marriage Missions International

  • We Pray Ah-Ha Moments For You – Have you ever experienced an ah-ha moment? Read what Cindy and Steve share and you may find out the answer. And take some time to look around. They’ve updated their website to make it more user-friendly as well as mobile-friendly. I think they’ve succeeded beautifully! And while you’re there, sign up for their weekly newsletter. It arrives every Saturday and is full of wisdom to help your marriage grow.

One Flesh Marriage

The Generous Husband

  • Fight Feelings With Facts – I love, love, love this post. Paul gives us a humorous example of how to fight with yourself when you’re in conflict with your spouse.
Posted in Blog Love, Christian Marriage, Happy Hour | Tagged , | 4 Comments

Intentional Tourist – Finding Romance In Your Own Backyard

Happy tourist sightseeing city with map from The Huffington Post

Happy tourist sightseeing city with map from The Huffington Post

Tourist. Most of us have been one from time to time. The definition of a tourist is:

a person who is traveling or visiting a place for pleasure.

Have you ever considered becoming a tourist in your own city? Looking for different things to do that you’ve never done together or at all?

We live in Orlando–the city all families plan to visit at one time or another. But living here I can testify that we tend to avoid the places where tourists go for one main reason–it’s full of tourists! But there are times of the year when the tourists aren’t many. Only those of us who live here know when those times are, which is to our advantage when planning a romantic tourist destination.

The first time I had this idea was on our 25th wedding anniversary. I wanted to give Tom something special without him knowing, but we share our bank account. It would be impossible to do something really big without him having a clue. As a result I came up with an idea that I thought was perfect–25 romantic days over the next year. It sounded doable and fun–so I bought a stuffed animal with a heart-shaped pouch attached and named him “Tommy Bear“. I told Tom that whenever Tommy Bear showed up he would know that day would be romantic in some way.

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Tommy Bear was during the course of that year…

  • shipped to his office UPS special delivery.
  • set on the parts shelf at his work and told there was a problem with inventory and to go check it out.
  • placed in his car to find when he got off work.
  • placed where he would see him when he awoke and went to brush his teeth.
  • put in the cabinet where our coffee mugs are stored.

As you can see Tommy Bear provided a fun way to announce a romantic day to Tom. What I didn’t anticipate was the fact that 25 dates over a years time equals one date every other week! What was I thinking?! Honestly, 25 didn’t sound like that big of a deal until I realized this fact. I know–get a clue, Debi! But it was too late. I had already given him the gift. So….

I began scouring the internet to find things to do in Orlando that were fun and free. And to my surprise I discovered a plethora of things I had no idea were happening here in our backyard. That year I realized what an amazing place Orlando is for romance 365 days a year.

So I ask you…

What if you were to plan a date (or several for that matter) where you’re a tourist in your own town? Pretend you’re coming to your city for the first time and do what tourists do–look up your Chamber of Commerce website and see what your city has to offer for those who are coming for pleasure. You might discover some new places you never knew existed, some events you had no idea were happening, or some familiar places seen in a new light. Give it a try–you might discover you enjoy being an intentional tourist.

NOTE: If you’re planning to visit The City Beautiful – Orlando, anytime soon, we’ve made a Romantic Orlando Guide for your convenience. It’s found in the tabs at the top of this page. 🙂

Posted in Christian Marriage, Date Night Ideas, Dating Your Spouse, Fun Dates | Tagged , , , | Comments Off on Intentional Tourist – Finding Romance In Your Own Backyard

Red Light – Green Light

Photo Credit: mycupoverflows-johnson.blogspot.com

Photo Credit: mycupoverflows-johnson.blogspot.com

Do you remember this game as a child? It was fun to try and run as fast and far as you could before the person playing the “light” turned around yelling, “RED LIGHT!” If they saw you moving you had to go back to the starting line. If you were able to make it to the light unseen, you won the game.

We love green lights, but red lights are usually an inconvenience at best and an irritant at worst.

Just this morning on our way to church, Tom and I hit every single traffic light as it was turning red. “Ugh” was our response. “Why are we getting every light red?”

Of course there was no answer to our frustration. Just a requirement to sit and wait, when all we wanted to do was move forward to our plans–our goals–our church! After all where we were heading was good, so why the delay?

I’m sure you have at some point experienced a similar scenario. It is not in our nature to enjoy delays or red lights for that matter. And when God is the one sending the red light it can be even more difficult to accept.

A little over two years ago, the Lord had us back off from posting daily on our blog. I wasn’t sure why He was giving us a red light, but we knew we had to follow His lead. Now, looking back we can see exactly why this was good for us. We have been in an unusual season of change and challenges, and by God’s grace this season is drawing to a close. At least from our perspective. Life has settled into more of a routine, and we believe God has given us a green light to begin focusing more on The Romantic Vineyard and we couldn’t be more excited!

I love connecting the dots of God’s faithfulness…

and looking back over the past two years I can see His faithfulness crystal clear. There were many reasons we needed to pull back from regular postings…

  • Our son was about to move to TN, but we didn’t know it yet. This would be a huge emotional challenge for me, as all of our grandchildren would no longer call Florida home. Something I would have never anticipated or asked for. God in His kindness gave me the space He knew I would need.
  • I was just beginning to host ladies retreats at our newly purchased cabin in Banner Elk, NC. Since then I have hosted 6 with another 3 planned this year. God has used my time to organize and plan these retreats with face-to-face ministry with other women, something I knew I was missing in my life. I have loved seeing God’s plan unfold in these women’s lives.
  • Tom had a year of physical challenges that tested my trust and faith in God. I didn’t realize how much I would be tempted to fear not knowing what we were facing. But God has proven His faithfulness to me through all of it, and Tom is doing well I’m so happy to report!
  • Tom started a new job which required adjustments in our life. It was so helpful for me (and him) to give him my full attention.
  • Finally, we’ve started a marriage ministry at our church this past year, which has been a dream come true for us.

When I wrote the post about Perpetuate Or Percolate I had no idea what was coming, but God did. And I am filled with gratefulness for the way He cared for us with promptings to let go of one thing to embrace something new. He is faithful!

Thank you for staying with us through the red light. Your encouragements and comments have meant more to us than you know.

Would you take a moment and let us know what you enjoy most about The Romantic Vineyard? What topics would be helpful for us to address? We’re working with a clean slate, and appreciate your input.

We pray your marriage experiences a Happy New Year, but more importantly a New Year of following God whether it’s a red light or a…

GREEN LIGHT…

Tom and Debi

P.S. We’ve started a year-long challenge on our Instagram feed to post one picture a day to make much of marriage. We’re using the hashtag #muchofmarriage365 and would love for you to follow along with us. Just click the feed link above then click “follow us”. Thank so much!

Posted in Christian Marriage, Growing Strong Marriages, Thankfulness | Tagged , , | 6 Comments

Breaking The Myth – Soul Mates

  
2015 will soon be a memory, and 2016 will roll in like a freight train ready to unload on us all the events God has planned. 

We are gearing up here at The Romantic Vineyard to spend more time posting and providing quality material to help your marriage thrive in the coming year. We pray you’ll find it helpful and encouraging.

But today…today we’re traveling home from a week away to see our kids and grandkids for Christmas. It’s always an emotional roller coaster for me–high high’s knowing we get to be together, and low low’s when the time comes to say goodbye. But God is helping me each time to trust Him more even though His ways are not my ways, I know confidently that His ways are good. 

And I’m here to remind you of this truth as well. Whenever we face seasons we don’t like it’s far too easy to slip into the grumbling and complaining mode. We must fight this temptation and see it for what it is–charging God with messing up our plans. Of course, most of us would never say this, but if we break it down that’s really all grumbling is. And God takes it very seriously. Just look at what happened when the Israelites did it?

This morning I received an article by Breakpoint about the myth of Soul Mates.We encourage you to read it. It’s an important Truth to realize in order for marriages to last a lifetime.

We pray you’ll have a safe and romantic New Year’s celebration. Look for ways to surprise your spouse and make them smile. 😊

Posted in Christian Marriage | 2 Comments

Twas The Monday Before Christmas…

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Can you believe it? This year has gone by so fast. Soon we’ll be ringing in another year, and thanking God for all He has done in 2015! Posts like these can be redundant, and that isn’t my desire–to say what’s already been said before. But what I do want to share I hope will give you something to consider throughout the next two weeks…

Our pastor has challenged us for years during the month of December to consider:

Look back to this time last year and reflect on where you were and what you were doing. Then, think through all of 2015 and where you are today. You’re not the same person you were a year ago. Hopefully, your marriage is not where it was a year ago as well. God has been faithful to bring you a little closer in your walk with Him. He has showed you more of His character through the circumstances you’ve faced. Even in the difficulty, we can trust Him because He knows the beginning from the end. He has promised to complete the work He’s begun in us. This is a promise you can cling to when facing trouble. And a promise you can celebrate when you come through the dark valley to brighter days.

This year has been a challenging one for us. One where we have been on our knees many times asking God for help and hope. And we have found Him to be who He says He is. Even when we were still facing unanswered questions, it didn’t change who He is, and this brought us hope and peace.

Thank you for being a part of The Romantic Vineyard–some of you are new to us this year. Some of you we’ve known for years. We count it a privilege and a huge responsibility to share our life and our heart with you in an effort to help your marriage last a lifetime.

Which brings us to announce the winners of our Giveaway for three copies of the new book by Gary Chapman titled, Married And Still Loving It! Thank you to all who entered!

Our winners are…

  1. Jerry Fox
  2. tchambers
  3. Bonnie Anderson

Congratulations! All I need is for you to email me your mailing address to: theromanticvineyard(at)gmail(dot)com. The publisher will mail your copy of the book directly to you when it hits the shelves on January 5th.

This will be our last post of the year so we can focus our attention on our growing family.; That’s right–we have eight grandchildren ages eight and under, and we will be blessed to see them all from GA to TN.  We pray your holidays are filled with precious moments you’ll recall for years.

Papa and Nana's Gang

Merry Christmas!

(Christmas image: downloadcollection.com)

 

 

Posted in Christian Marriage | 4 Comments

Happy Hour

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It’s the Friday before Christmas, and what better way to celebrate than to share some blog love?

Happy Hour has become a favored tradition with our readers because there is so much great marriage content on the internet these days. However, we know it’s hard to find the time to read them all yourself. This is why we like to go through them for you and highlight the ones we think are worth your time.

  • First, our featured post on the Engaged Marriage blog provides a couple of great romantic ideas to help you bless your spouse this Christmas season.
  • Second, we want to re-introduce you to Marriage Missions International. They are Steve and Cindy Wright whom we’ve had the privilege of meeting in person. We instantly became close–and now, years later, we count it a blessing any time we can spend together on Skype. They live in Arizona and we’re in Florida, so our time together physically isn’t possible. They’re about to revamp their entire website making it easier to navigate as well as allowing advertisers to partner with their ministry. What we love most about MMI is how they are spreading help and hope to marriages all over the globe. Their stats are staggering and we believe it is because they have been faithful for nearly two decades to provide Biblical Truth on every topic, trial and season  known to marriage. And they make it easy to find what you’re looking for. Here’s a shot of their topics list…

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  • Third – Journey To Surrender is doing a series on Avoiding The Christmas Crazies. We’re figuring you’re starting to feel the pressure about now. Why not take a few minutes and at least read the main points of his series. It may be just what you need to keep from overload.
  • One Flesh Marriage provided a Christmas Gift Guide To Grow Your Marriage a few weeks ago that is excellent. Make sure that you’re investing in those things that will last. It is our desire as well as all of the blogs represented here to see your marriage last. But not only last, but excel at glorifying God. It is possible, but it takes intentionality–buying and reading great resources is a good start!

Finally, don’t forget there’s still time to enter for one of three copies of an upcoming best-seller by Gary Chapman and Harold Myra titled, Married, And Still Loving It! Entering is easy–just comment to this post telling us what you think it takes to make a marriage last. That’s it! We’ll close the contest midnight Sunday night. Three winners will receive a free copy of the book when published in January via snail mail.

Have a blessed weekend enjoying all that Christ has done for us.

Posted in Blog Love, Happy Hour | Tagged , | 3 Comments

Married, And Still Loving It!

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We’ve been given the opportunity to give away three copies of a new book by Gary Chapman and Harold Myra, titled Married, And Still Loving It, available January 5th, 2016. It’s a book about real couples who have been married for decades that have discovered how to make their marriage work for a lifetime. It’s sure to be a great resource for those just starting out, and an encouragement for those who are farther along on their marriage journey.

Here’s the premise for the book:

Long marriages are a gift… but they aren’t always easy

You know yourselves better. You’ve learned to cherish the small things. You’re past keeping up with the Joneses.

And yet, anxieties over grown children, worries about money and health, and feelings of disappointment can challenge even the best marriages.

In Married and Still Loving It, renowned relationship expert Gary Chapman and Harold Myra, longtime CEO of Christianity Today International, offer wise counsel and practical insight on making your marriage thrive during these years. Real couples share honestly about their joys and struggles, including Jerry and Dianna Jenkins and Ken and Joni Eareckson Tada, who talk movingly about their marital journeys.

Married and Still Loving It feels like a gathering of kindred spirits. It will inspire and equip you to embrace the adventures yet ahead, hand in hand with the one you love.

In order to enter our contest…

First, read the following interview Mr. Chapman and Mr. Myra were privileged to have with a very famous couple. They have the longest, happiest marriage ever–and they’re sharing their secrets with us…

A North Pole Christmas interview by Gary Chapman and Harold Myra:

SANTA’S AMAZING MARRIAGE

–the jolly saint reveals his secrets

Recently, while writing our new book, Married, and Still Loving It, a brainstorm hit…or, you might say, sugar plums danced in our heads. We were interviewing long-married couples but thought of Saint Nick. “He’s the one with a really long marriage!”

What, we wondered, was going on with him and Mrs. Claus? We decided to find out, but North Pole communications can be crackly…and noisy from all those toy-making elves. But we were lucky—we caught Santa in a jolly mood in his home, beside Mrs. Claus sipping hot chocolate by a cozy fire.

“Ho, ho, ho!” he exclaimed. “It’s about time someone asked me about love and marriage.”

“Really? What do they usually ask about?”

“Whether being naughty or nice really counts.”

“Does it?”

Of course!” he boomed merrily.

We grinned. “So what can you tell us about love and marriage?”

Santa sipped his hot chocolate. “Maybe you won’t want to hear our old-fashioned ideas.”

“But that’s why we’re calling. You’ve been married a long, long time, and we want to know what makes you so merry.” 

Read the full interview with Santa at: http://kirkcameron.com/santas-amazing-marriage then come back here for a chance to win a copy of Married, and Still Loving It!

Second, simply comment to this post with your idea of what makes a marriage successful. Deadline to enter is December 20th at midnight. Winners will be chosen and announced on December 21st. Books will be sent to the winners directly from the publisher once available

We love giveaways, and a Christmas giveaway is even better! Share this with your friends…

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Don’t miss this special interview with the longest married couple of all time, plus a giveaway. http://bit.ly/1U8nFcm

Posted in Christian Marriage | 15 Comments

Pondering

  
I’ve been pondering the idea of memories, and what makes a memory memorable. I know that sounds redundant, but it’s not. There are memories we have that we would rather forget, but can’t. And there are precious memories long forgotten, until an old photograph or Timehop jars our mind and makes us smile.

As we live each day, do we ever give much thought to the memories we’re making? 

I’m not talking about the big moments of life that stand out on their own; I am referring to the mundane–every day is the same–kind of moments that seem to get lost in their ordinariness.  What if we celebrated such days as special, like turning the dreaded Monday into a day we eagerly anticipate? 

Tom and I did that years ago by choosing Monday as our weekly date night. It was amazing how we both looked forward to that day, when before it wasn’t so. Monday had to be endured to get somewhere else, than it was anticipated for being special.

Every moment we have together is given by God. Let’s use this season to think of today in regards to tomorrow and how it will be remembered.

I don’t think our to-do lists will ever make it as a Timehop memory. But the time we took to make much of the little moments may not only pop up as special, but we may remember them fondly for years without a memory-jogging trigger.

You’ve heard it said that today is a gift, that’s why it’s called the present. Unwrap it in all its beauty today and thank God, for it’s His gift to us.

Posted in Christian Marriage | Comments Off on Pondering

A Marriage Thanksgiving Prayer – I’m Thanking The Lord He Made You

 

We’ve come to the time in the season
When family and friends gather near
To offer a prayer of Thanksgiving
For blessings we’ve known through the year
To join hands and thank the Creator
And now when Thanksgiving is due
This year when I count my blessings
I’m thanking the Lord He made you
This year when I count my blessings
I’m thanking the Lord He made you 

I’m grateful for the laughter of children
The sun and the wind and the rain
The color of blue in your sweet eyes
The sight of a high ball and train
The moon rise over a prairie
Old love that you’ve made new
This year when I count my blessings
I’m thanking the Lord He made you
This year when I count my blessings
I’m thanking the Lord He made you 

And when the time comes to be going
It won’t be in sorrow and tear
I’ll kiss you goodbye and I’ll go on my way
Grateful for all of the years
I thank for all that you gave me
For teaching me what love can do
Thanksgiving day for the rest of my life
I’m thanking the Lord He made you
Thanksgiving day for the rest of my life
I’m thanking the Lord He made you

Posted in Holidays, Prayer | Tagged , , | 1 Comment

Trials In Marriage – Loving The Addict

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Last week we talked to those who are caught in the web of addictions. This week we want to talk about the spouse married to the addict.

This is a tough one because the trial you find yourself in often comes when you least expected it. What seemed a normal marriage suddenly seems wrought with hypocrisy. It can be a dark and lonely place where the only person who knows is the one who has caused the pain. If your spouse is unwilling to seek help you can feel trapped and without hope.

How do you navigate such a trial?

First, I want to begin by virtually putting my arms around your shoulders, looking you directly in the eyes and say I care. Loving someone who is addicted in any way shape or form, is hard, and the struggle is very real. This is why the Lord is having me focus on your situation today. I believe it’s the Holy Spirit who has led you to read this post as well. He is caring for you by reminding you that He will never leave or forsake you. You can run to Him and be safe.

“The name of the LORD is a strong tower;
the righteous man runs into it and is safe.” 

Proverbs 18:10 ESV

Second, if you haven’t already, it requires you to let your spouse know that you’re committed to the marriage, and you want to do all you can to help them seek and find freedom. Many times the offender, especially if a Christian, feels shame and condemnation already. Having a spouse who adds to this only complicates what the Holy Spirit wants to do.

Remember Grace is undeserved favor. It is what Christ gave to us while we were still dead in our sin. We had no ability on our own to find freedom–yet He gave it to us without hesitation. And He is the only One who can help you love your spouse in the same way. Extending grace for judgment, love for hatred, and acceptance over rejection.

Third, when your spouse begins the confession process–filling you in on all they have done to deceive and sin against you–you may find it easy to listen and love. But as time passes it is most likely that you will battle with anger, even disgust, at what they have done to you. Take those emotions to the Lord, not your spouse. The goal in marriage is to seek peace and unity. Lashing out to your spouse in anger will only complicate an emotionally charged difficulty. What have we been given that we didn’t receive. The fact that you haven’t struggled in this area is nothing but God’s grace extended to you towards that temptation. Our strength comes from Him, not from our ability to say NO. Ask God to give you compassion for your spouse.

Fourth, if your spouse is willing, seek outside help. Someone who is familiar with addictions as well as Biblical counsel. Your pastor would be a good choice because they have invested in your growth in godliness. If your pastor isn’t an option, seek a Biblical Counselor–one who will point you to the Gospel. We know that this is the only place where lasting change occurs. It took Christ’s death on the cross to secure our freedom from bondage to sin.

Finally, repenting from addictions and submitting to change doesn’t usually happen overnight. Although we have heard of miraculous changes, it most often involves triumphs as well as set backs. Don’t be surprised if your spouse has to confess failure to you. Assure your spouse that this is a battle you’re both fighting, not theirs alone. There is safety in numbers, and making sure your spouse knows that you’re on their team to fight this addiction will go a long way in helping them resist temptation.

I realize that there are many marriages where the addict continually denies or justifies their behavior and leaves the hurting spouse to suffer alone. This is a sad state and one that requires outside counsel, not something that could be addressed on a single blog post. Seek help for your specific needs. You don’t have to face this alone. Most importantly, don’t allow yourself to be an enabler to the addiction. Loving your spouse for better and for worse, often includes helping them face their own addictions.

We pray for God’s help in knowing how best to love your spouse to complete freedom.

Additional Resources:

Addiction: What Is The Cure? – Marriage Missions International<<Excellent points made and well worth reading. Please do!! Cindy Wright is a personal friend whom I respect, and I value her advice.

Godly Intoxication: The Church Can Minister To Addicts

12 Ways To Love Your Wayward Child – Desiring God Ministries <<Many of these points can apply to marriage.

Posted in Christian Marriage, Conflict, Difficulty, Growing Strong Marriages, The Gospel & Marriage, Troubled Marriage | Tagged , | 1 Comment

Trials In Marriage – Addictions

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“For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery.” – Galatians 5:1 ESV

My purpose in highlighting this particular trial is not to bring condemnation to those caught in this vicious cycle. Addictions are powerful taskmasters and can hold us hostage for years. One may want to quit, but lack the ability to do so. I get that. So please, don’t check out if this post finds you in need.

Addiction is defined as the fact or condition of being addicted to a particular substance, thing, or activity.

What started as one act of submission to a particular thing, whether good or evil, turned into a sinful craving that won your affections. It became ruler over you. An addiction is a wicked tyrant wanting nothing more than to destroy your family, your marriage and even your life.

Addictions come in many forms…

  • Substance addictions: alcohol, drugs (illegal or prescription drug abuse), smoking, eating disorders, etc. These all are things one puts into the body that can take a chemical hold on your body and how it functions. You literally become dependent on the substance to make it through the day.
  • Sexual addictions: pornography, adultery. This kind of addiction tends to escalate over time, making what once quenched your desire no longer effective.
  • Entertainment addictions: movies, video games, poker, sports, internet use, even shopping.
  • Behavioral addictions: Anger, control, cutting, and hoarding.

The only way to beat an addiction is to face it head on and humble yourself by surrendering your will, your desires to God. This is the starting place.

Some addictions, especially substance addictions, may require outside help. However, in order to receive help one must be willing to be known, to be transparent, and to be completely honest with those who love you. This is humility. It’s coming to a place of complete honesty as to the true condition of your heart…

Do you not know that friendship with the world is enmity with God? Therefore whoever wishes to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God. 5Or do you suppose it is to no purpose that the Scripture says, “He yearns jealously over the spirit that he has made to dwell in us”? 6But he gives more grace. Therefore it says, “God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble.” 7Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. 8Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. 9Be wretched and mourn and weep. Let your laughter be turned to mourning and your joy to gloom. 10Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will exalt you. – James 4 ESV

The battle requires more than simply saying NO. It requires all out war in the spiritual realm.

The Bible explains it in 2 Corinthians 10…

For though we walk in the flesh, we are not waging war according to the flesh. For the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh but have divine power to destroy strongholds.

This is good news! It is God alone who is able to set the captive soul free, and if you are in Christ, you are a new creation–He will walk with you through this trial to the other side where grace and freedom reign.

Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you. Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world. 10 And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you. 11 To him be the dominion forever and ever. Amen. – 1 Peter 5:6-11 ESV

C.S. Lewis depicts this well in his Chronicles of Narnia series, The Lion, The Witch And The Wardrobe. Edmond had anger issues with his family, which isolated him relationally from his brother and sisters. They were the people who loved him most.

Note that this is a tactic Satan has used since the beginning of time–to isolate us from the safety net of relationships. 

Once Edmund was alone, the White Witch made her move. She spoke kindly to him and offered him a taste of Turkish Delight. He trusted her to be harmless, but he couldn’t have been in more danger. He was befriending the enemy unaware. And he became addicted to it. He was willing to get more at any cost, even putting his family and friends in danger.

If you’ve battled addiction of any kind, I’m sure it started as what seemed an innocent choice. Had you known the true nature of the beast enticing you, you would have surely run, like Joseph who fled the sexual advances of Potiphar’s wife. But if you didn’t run, and you find yourself in a prison of your own making, it is never too late! Seek the Lord with all your heart and He will lead you to freedom…

“…for at one time you were darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Walk as children of light (for the fruit of light is found in all that is good and right and true), and try to discern what is pleasing to the Lord. Take no part in the unfruitful works of darkness, but instead expose them. For it is shameful even to speak of the things that they do in secret. But when anything is exposed by the light, it becomes visible, for anything that becomes visible is light. Therefore it says,

“Awake, O sleeper,
and arise from the dead,
and Christ will shine on you.

“Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is. And do not get drunk with wine, for that is debauchery, but be filled with the Spirit, addressing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody to the Lord with your heart, giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.”

Ephesians 5:6-21 ESV (emphasis added)

What addictions have you escaped? We would love to hear your story of freedom. And if you’re still facing the beast, we would love to pray with and for you. God is an ever present help in our time of need. Never forget it!

Additional Resources:

Posted in Christian Marriage, Difficulty, Growing Strong Marriages, The Gospel & Marriage, Troubled Marriage | Tagged | 2 Comments

We Have A Winner!

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Congratulations to Jonathan and Medana Cox–our winners in our Love Song Dedication Contest, who will celebrate their 19th wedding anniversary on March 15th. 

Thanks to everyone who entered and voted. We count it a privilege to hear your stories of love, endurance and faithfulness.

God is Good!

Posted in Contests, Love Song Dedication To My Spouse | Comments Off on We Have A Winner!

Trials In Marriage–Caring For Elderly Parents

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My Mom has been gone for nearly three years, and it seems I’m missing her more now than I have in a while. I’m not sure why that is, but I’m grateful I have no regrets that haunt me about our relationship. She was 37 when I was born, so I hit this stage of life earlier than many do.

My Dad died 9 years prior, and I’m grateful that neither of them suffered with a long bout of debilitating illness. My Dad died 8 weeks after his diagnosis of brain cancer, and my Mom died 3 weeks after her diagnosis of abdominal cancer. I hardly had a chance to process what was happening until it was over.

Through it all Tom released me to care for my parents as much as I felt was needed. Many times I spent the night at their house to support my Mom when it was my Dad’s illness, and to support my sister (who is an RN) when my Mom became ill.

Tom usually didn’t know what to say to comfort me, so he would often hold me in silence. He prayed for me, he listened when I was reminiscing, and all the while he was hurting too. He loved my parents. It was a one of the most heart wrenching experiences of my life, and in our marriage. I wasn’t ready to let my parents go and there was nothing I could do to stop it.

I realize my story may seem easy to one who is going through years of watching their parent decline from the effects of Alzheimer’s or any other long-lasting disease. As a caregiver your needs are usually last on the list due to urgency and necessity. Or if your spouse is the caregiver, it’s easy for you to feel neglected through the crisis.

How do you navigate such long-standing hardship and have your marriage remain strong?

First of all, it’s important to realize the weight your spouse is carrying and to do everything you can to ease the burden. Each couple will handle this differently, so it’s of primary importance to communicate clearly and often. Plan some time daily to connect with each other.

Second, be releasing to your spouse when they’re facing a crisis in the care of their parent. It may be an episode needing immediate medical attention. It could be a financial decision that requires a gathering of all the siblings to discuss what to do. Or it might involve a necessary move for the parent to receive the quality of care needed. These times often come as an interruption to your normal routine, and getting upset by it only complicates the matter.

Third, avoid making life-changing decisions while your spouse is going through such a difficult and emotional time. I realize this one can’t always be avoided, but when it can hold off on your plans until your spouse is available 100% to make the decision together.

Fourth, help your spouse think through major decisions concerning their parent. You might even offer to do the research for them when deciding on the next step in their care. Tom was always aware that the decisions were always up to my brother, sister and me, but he didn’t disengage in the conversation. He stayed involved in order to help us think clearly when the stress and emotions the three of us were experiencing made wise decisions difficult.

Fifth, be willing to extend grace to your spouse when they are short with you or insensitive. This is a time like no other in your marriage. It’s best to not take things personally when your spouse forgets to do something they promised, or if they snap back at you unexpectedly. Put yourself in their place to try and understand.

Finally, set aside some time for the two of you. This one may be hard to justify considering the crisis, but it’s so important. You have to reconnect on a regular basis, even if it’s only for an hour a day. But more than this, I would encourage you to keep a regular date night for the sake of your spouse’s mental state and the health of your marriage. Try to find someone who can take over the care of their parent so your spouse isn’t tempted to worry about them while you’re out together.

Above all else, pray together. It may be that you do all of the praying, but still make time to take your burden together to the Throne of Grace. It is there that you’ll both find mercy and grace to help you in your time of need. And He is always available to listen, lead, and uphold you as a caregiver.

It may not seem like it, but this season will pass. Making sure you care for each other through it all will insure you make it out on the other side better, wiser and more in love than ever.

Additional Resources:

Alzheimer’s, The Brain, And The Soul

11 Ways To Keep Your Relationship Healthy

My Marriage Or My Mom

Your Parents Have NO Retirement Savings – Your Responsibility?

Posted in Caring for Parents, Christian Marriage, Difficulty, Growing Strong Marriages, In-Laws, Seasons of Life, Showing Honor | Tagged , | Comments Off on Trials In Marriage–Caring For Elderly Parents

Love Song Dedication Finalists

Screen Shot 2015-11-07 at 3.30.06 PMThis week we are so excited to reveal the Top 5 Finalists in our Love Song Dedication Contest. Special thanks to Mike Gilland, who provided his expertise and radio voice to make the finalists entries sound awesome! We were going to include the actual song at the end of each dedication, but due to copyright restrictions we had to go with Plan B, that is the You Tube video version of the song instead. We hope you’ll take the time to listen to each entry, as we have some really special ones. 🙂 Additional thanks to all who participated in our contest. We’re grateful for each of you who took the time to express your love and dedication to your spouse–that’s the reason we blog. And what a blessing to us as we celebrate our 7th anniversary this Thursday. We thank God for you!

Now it’s your turn to cast your vote. Here’s all you have to do…

  • First, click the red button in the top left corner to hear what the finalist had to say to their spouse.
  • Second, scroll down to listen to the song. Do this for all five entries.
  • Finally, cast your vote. That’s it!
  • We’ll announce the winners on Saturday November 14th

Entry #1

Our Love Is Here To Stay

Entry #2

Time In A Bottle

Entry #3

You Light Up My Life

Entry #4

Bless The Broken Road

Entry #5

The More You Ignore Me, The Closer I Get

 

Don’t forget to cast your vote – Thanks! Winner will be announced on Saturday.

Posted in Christian Marriage, Contests, Love Song Dedication To My Spouse | Tagged , , , , | Comments Off on Love Song Dedication Finalists