A Fragrant Aroma – Though I walk…

Posted on January 21, 2011 by Debi Walter

..through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil.  For Thou art with me.

This past week we had the privilege of walking with a dear friend through this valley as she said her final goodbyes to her husband.  He died peacefully with her by his side at the young age of 59.  He had only been sick for three weeks!

There was another time years ago when Tom and I were called to our next-door neighbors house.  She and her husband were like family to us.  They loved us and our children and entered into our joy with every stage of parenting we faced.  They were not only mentors, but dear friends.   Mr. S. had been very sick for over a year.  Mrs. S. had lovingly cared for him every moment of every day and always with a smile on her face.  She loved him dearly.

One afternoon the phone rang.  It was Mrs. S. crying asking if we could come over.  I was grateful Tom had just come home from work, so we ran over together.  Mr. S. had passed away only moments before, and she wanted us – she needed us – to be there for help and support.  We waited until the funeral home director arrived.  Tom walked with her into the bedroom so she could say goodbye before he was taken away.  It was the hardest thing I had ever faced in my twenty-something years.  Yet I wouldn’t have been anywhere else.

Mrs. S. taught me how to garden, how to clean, how to care for my home and family, but on this day she taught me how to let go.  It was his moment to leave this earth for Heaven, and we were invited to have a front row seat.

This past Tuesday night as we witnessed another friend say goodbye to her husband, she told the story of how he loved to buy her gifts.  The last one he had delivered to her office was two small bamboo shoots that intertwined at the top to make a heart.

She was sad a few months ago when one of the bamboo shoots died, leaving only half a heart…(she paused)

“this is how my heart feels tonight – like half of it has died.”

From there she moved to the piano to play her husband’s favorite song as a tribute to their life and love.  There wasn’t a dry eye in the place.  I know her husband would have been undone by the kind words spoken and memories shared.  He will be missed.

With these two women I saw incredible grace for the moment.  They were walking through the valley of death, but they weren’t afraid!  God was right there with them helping them, supporting them and giving them strength to go on.  Each of us will face this valley at some point, and I was freshly reminded this week what a privilege it is to be there for your spouse all the way to the end of this life!

This produces a fragrant aroma that glorifies God – “til death do us part!”

[photo credit: Rene Mansi, iStockphoto.com, & http://www.melanienayer.com]

Posted in A Fragrant Aroma, Difficulty, Testimonies | 4 Comments

Romantic Interlude

Posted on January 20, 2011 by Debi Walter

Photo: Daiwa Sports

It’s the middle of the week in the middle of winter – the perfect time to take a romantic interlude.  We’ve shared this song with you before, but it never fails to ignite a flame of passion in our hearts for each other.  Gato Barbieri is an amazing saxophonist, and the following video set to the song, Europa, only adds to the romance.

But first a bit of background as to HOW we discovered this song.  If I remember correctly, Tom and I were shopping for a new appliance at Sears years ago.  Our children were still little, at home with a babysitter.  There was a guy with a white shirt and tie following us everywhere we went.  He had Tom engaged from the start as they were discussing – I have no idea what, which is why I had tuned them out.

Then, it happened.

One of the stereo systems was turned up and this song began to play.  I felt like I was in one of those slow motion scenes in a meadow where the man and woman slowly run towards each other – hair flowing, arms outstretched. <pop> you get the picture!  Anyway, I suddenly had the urge to go home!  Who cares about new appliances when there is romance in the air – and in Sears no less!  Yes, it was definitely a Bella Notte and one I will never forget.  Listen for yourself and see if it has the same effect.  Although, you may want to hold off listening until you and your spouse are together, your children are occupied, just in case you have a sudden urge for a romantic interlude in the privacy of your bedroom!

Do you have a song that stirs the passion in your hearts for one another?

Budget Warning:  You may find yourself making reservations to escape to the nearest island to be soothed by the warm, gentle breezes. If you can’t, at least enjoy this 5 minute break!

Posted in Music, Romance | Tagged , | 1 Comment

10 Hindrances To Cultivating a Romantic Vineyard

Posted on January 19, 2011 by Tom and Debi

 

Photo: monamourphotography

Every couple when they stand at the altar repeating their vows to love, honor and cherish one another believes and hopes their relationship will continue to be a romantic haven.  We don’t think anyone purposes to grow less romantic.  Why then, does it happen?

Left to ourselves our marriages will drift, as Stu Gray recently posted on The Marry Blogger.  “Drift happens when life seemingly takes more importance than our marriages… and we float away from our spouse – nothing ‘major’ happens — but things cause us to float away from each other.”

Another great metaphor, which is apt for us, is cultivating a vineyard.  There are four seasons to caring for and cultivating a rich harvest.  Each one is completely different, but each one has significant purpose.

Pegasus Bay Winery

We’ve decided to join the conversation by posting our own list of ten hindrances to romance, posting about one a week, which we believe will give us time to think and then respond.  We will open up the comments for you to share how this hindrance has effected your vineyard.  It should be a healthy dialogue.

Our first hindrance:

1.  Unconfessed Sin – This can be likened to weeds being planted in the vineyard secretly, where one is surprised to find them growing alongside their vine, and then wonder how in the world they got there in the first place.  Whereas the other has been doing all they can to keep it from being noticed.  However, there always comes a day when it is discovered.  Better tell your spouse yourself, before they come asking!

As a husband and wife we believe there should be no secrets – period.  Having been married for 32 years (next month), we have experienced more than once the guilt and shame of having unconfessed sin.  It grows like a weed choking out the good nutrients of the soil.  It is a full time job simply maintaining the secret.

Living with a secret is really no way to live, you’re simply surviving.  One of the hardest things we’ve ever had to do is grab hold of the weed with both hands and pull it out completely in order to be free.  This means mustering up all your courage saying something to this effect, “Honey, I have something I need to tell you!” Our relationship was tested big time during these seasons.  Would our vine make it?  Would the hole left by the weed ever be completely covered?  Or have I gone too far to ever go back to where we were?

These are all valid questions, difficult ones that only you and your spouse can answer.  It takes time, lots of conversations, counsel from friends and/or pastors, and even more prayer.  You quickly realize how much you need each other to deal with your own heart and tendencies to sin.

James 5:16 says, “Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.”

There is an intimacy so deep, only those who have passed through this type of trial ever discover. We all have issues.  We all have areas we need to grow and change.  But we don’t necessarily all allow our spouses access to this part of our heart.  Romance is choked when any part of our heart is off limits.  The first step in creating romantic intimacy comes with a price – being completely honest.

We have had the privilege of helping many couples who were facing such difficulty.  And we have had the privilege of watching God set many of them free.  We pray God will help each of us maintain our own vineyards well, willing to do the hard work to cultivate and protect it. 

So, tell us how has this hindrance affected your vineyard?  Have you experienced the life giving freedom of pulling unwanted weeds out of the soil?

Posted in Hindrances to Romance | 5 Comments

The 3/50 Project

Posted on January 18, 2011 by Tom Walter

In this tough economy we must do our part to help our communities grow and prosper.  We recently discovered the 3/50 Project we thought we’d share with you.  Here’s how it works:

Most of us like to shop or eat out a couple of times during a month.  What if we were to dine or shop only in stores independently owned in our city or town?  It would make a huge difference if we all took part.  Let’s consider giving this a try.  Debi and I have already done this quite a bit, and purpose to tell the restaurant owners why we chose to dine in their restaurant over the more popular chains.  The smile on their face reveals the need as well as the appreciation for such loyalty.

And who knows?  You may just find some new friends who happen to own businesses.

Here is a short list of restaurants independently owned whom we have found to have great food:

Fish and Chips – offering the best in town! Their fish is always fresh, hot and crispy.

Thai Basil – Great Thai food with a charming atmosphere.

Emiliano’z Mexican Restaurant – The interior is warm and inviting, but on a nice afternoon or evening – the back porch is the place to be seated overlooking the calming waters of Pearl Lake.  Try their burritos – you’ll definitely want to split one, unless you’re very hungry!

Dexter’s of Winter Park – One of our all time favorites!  Everything here is good, in our humble opinion!

Roma Ristorante – located in Apopka, it has been family owned and operated since 1964.  This fact alone speaks for it’s quality. Their Spaghetti Bruzzi is our favorite!

Keller’s Bar-B-Q – With 3 locations, there’s sure to be one near you.

Pisces Rising – located near the shore of Lake Dora in the quaint town of Mt. Dora.  A bit pricey – you can share a meal to cut costs.  The sunsets are worth the visit.

White Wolf Cafe – located in Ivanhoe Village – it is a quaint restaurant filled with all kinds of antiques and memorabilia.

What about you?  Do you have a favorite, independently owned restaurant you frequent?  Share it with us and tell us what you love about it!  This is the best way to stimulate our local economy – one date at a time!

Posted in Date Night Ideas, Dinner Dates, Orlando Date Ideas | Tagged | Comments Off on The 3/50 Project

Mark Your Calendar

Posted on January 17, 2011 by Debi Walter

Our regular date night has always been Monday night for as long as I can remember, and I can remember waaaay back!  Not necessarily a good thing, especially when it comes to conflicts, but that’s another post!  🙂  But back to why there are many advantages to Mondays:

  • Less crowded.
  • Gives us something to look forward to as the weekend comes to an end.
  • Many restaurants run specials on Mondays.
  • Most people say they hate Mondays – we love them!

And since our Project 52 Date Nights has come to an end, we have a new idea to add some fresh sparks into our date nights this year.  We are going to spend this year exploring Orlando and the surrounding little towns for Romantic Places worth seeing.  We think this will help us explore places we’ve always wanted to go, but have never made the time to do.  And maybe it will inspire those of you who live here or plan to visit soon to give the places we find a try.  We’ll call these dates:  Romantic Places (in or near) Orlando!  We hope you’ll enjoy these posts as much as we enjoy finding them.

Lake Eola

Now to what’s happening around town this week:

CENTRAL

EAST

  • Deland – Taste of Deland, Saturday, January 22nd from 1p – 4p.  Tickets are $15.

SOUTH

  • Lake Wales – Bok Tower Gardens presents its Moonlight Carillon Concert on Tuesday, January 18th.  Concert is from 7:30p – 8:30p. and is free with 1/2 price park admission.  There is a cafe available for dinner as well.

WEST

Posted in Date Night Ideas, Mark Your Calendars (time sensitive), Romance in Marriage, romancing your husband, romancing your spouse, romancing your wife, Romantic Orlando | Tagged , | Comments Off on Mark Your Calendar

Fragrant Aroma: Scents of Home

Posted on January 14, 2011 by Debi Walter

Home. It’s our place.  The place we live life to its fullest.  It’s also our place of retreat when we’re tired or when we’re sick.   The latter has forced us to retreat all week long, except for our almost daily visits to the doctor.  It’s no fun when we can’t get out.

But we’re not alone; there are many up north who aren’t sick, yet still forced to retreat due to bad weather.  What can we do?  Here are some practical ideas we’ve found to help make staying home more enjoyable:

Bake something in the kitchen – Filling our homes with delicious smells comforts even the sickest among us.

Order out – If the cold is keeping you from having a date night out, consider ordering pizza delivery -OR- try one of the Doorstep Delivery services available from many fine restaurants.

Make your home cozy – Have blankets, pillows, drinks with straws and candles lit to add a bit of ambiance to your space.

Decorate special places to celebrate the season.  I, (Debi), love to keep our fireplace mantel decorated throughout the year as a reminder of how beautiful each season is.  Right now we have a Valentine’s Day mantle, and since our wedding anniversary is the end of February we keep it in place until March 1st.  The rest of my mantle decorating schedule is: Spring, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, 4th of July, Fall, and Christmas.  It’s a fun tradition that doesn’t cost a lot.  Especially if you start buying items after the season passes on clearance for the next year’s decorating. Don’t have a fireplace mantel?  Try decorating a book shelf or wall shelf.

Fix whatever your spouse is craving for dinner. Since Tom has been sick, fresh steamed rice was his craving – so that’s what I prepared.

Wash the sheets and keep your bedroom straightened. Having an orderly bedroom that smells fresh is key to comfort when you’re trying to recover.

Massages. Nothing helps achy muscles like a gentle back massage.

Movies are a great diversion from the present.  Rent or borrow some classics and enjoy the cinematic escape.

All of these ideas make perfect “scents” to us. What about you? How do you comfort your spouse when they’re sick or pass the time when you can’t go out?

Posted in A Fragrant Aroma, Date Night Ideas, Rainy Day Dates, Winter Date Ideas | Comments Off on Fragrant Aroma: Scents of Home

Slices

Posted on January 13, 2011 by Debi Walter

In Sickness and In Health!

Posted in Slices | 1 Comment

11 Things You Won’t Learn In School About Marriage

Posted on January 12, 2011 by Tom and Debi

We have a winner for our first monthly “Here’s To Us”  Challenge.  Thank you all for participating – some entered by commenting to our post.  Others entered by commenting on Facebook.  We will add the Facebook comments on yesterday’s post, so everyone can glean from the ideas shared.  This is going to be a good challenge for all of us – to pay attention everyday to the little moments worth celebrating!  Now to announce our winner:

Congratulations to:

Carolynn Scully from Orlando, FL.

Here is her special moment: Opening the book, “Living in Love” by James and Betty Robinson. Patrick bought one for me and one for himself so we could read, make notes and then share! I love his desire to have a deeper relationship! After 37 years of being together we still know the importance of growing together!

Now for today’s post:

Dennis Rainey with Family Life Today, has come up with this list of great advice about how to make marriage work.  Some you will see are obvious, others may make you think.  On either account, it’s sage advice:

Rule 1: Marriage isn’t about your happiness. It’s not about you getting all your needs met through another person. Practicing self-denial and self-sacrifice, patience, understanding, and forgiveness are the fundamentals of a great marriage. If you want to be the center of the universe, then there’s a much better chance of that happening if you stay single.

Rule 2: Getting married gives a man a chance to step up and finish growing up. The best preparation for marriage for a single man is to man up now and keep on becoming the man God created him to be.

Rule 3: It’s okay to have one rookie season, but it’s not okay to repeat your rookie season. You will make rookie mistakes in your first year of marriage; the key is that you don’t continue making those same mistakes in year five, year 10, or year 20 of your marriage.

Rule 4: It takes a real man to be satisfied with and love one woman for a lifetime. And it takes a real woman to be content with and respect one man for a lifetime.

Rule 5: Love isn’t a feeling. Love is commitment. It’s time to replace the “D word”–divorce–with the “C word”–commitment. Divorce may feel like a happy solution, but it results in long-term toxic baggage. You can’t begin a marriage without commitment. You can’t sustain one without it either. A marriage that goes the distance is really hard work. If you want something that is easy and has immediate gratification, then go shopping or play a video game.

Rule 6: Online relationships with old high school or college flames, emotional affairs, sexual affairs, and cohabiting are shallow and illegitimate substitutes for the real thing. Emotional and sexual fidelity in marriage is the real thing.

Rule 7: Women spell romance R-E-L-A-T-I-O-N-S-H-I-P. Men spell romance S-E-X. If you want to speak romance to your spouse, become a student of your spouse, enroll in a lifelong “Romantic Language School,” and become fluent in your spouse’s language.

Rule 8: During courtship, opposites attract. After marriage, opposites can repel each another. You married your spouse because he/she is different. Differences are God’s gift to you to create new capacities in your life. Different isn’t wrong, it’s just different.

Rule 9: Pornography robs men of a real relationship with a real person and poisons real masculinity, replacing it with the toxic killers of shame, deceit, and isolation. Pornography siphons off a man’s drive for intimacy with his wife. Marriage is not for wimps. Accept no substitutes.

Rule 10: As a home is built, it will reflect the builder. Most couples fail to consult the Master Architect and His blueprints for building a home. Instead a man and woman marry with two sets of blueprints (his and hers). As they begin building, they discover that a home can’t be built from two very different sets of blueprints.

Rule 11: How you will be remembered has less to do with how much money you make or how much you accomplish and more with how you have loved and lived.

_______________________________________________

Posted in Contests, Growing Strong Marriages, Husbands | Tagged | 7 Comments

“Here’s To Us” Challenge

Posted on January 11, 2011 by Tom and Debi


Tomorrow is the 12th – the day we have our monthly giveaway.  But we’ve decided to change how we run the contest in 2011. We want to give you an opportunity to celebrate the special moments so often missed.  Last week we posted a wonderful article by Lori Lowe, which spoke of finding little reasons in your day, week, month to celebrate.  If you missed it, please go back and read it.

The idea behind this challenge for 2011 is to encourage you, our readers, to join in sharing the little ways you’ve found to celebrate in your marriage.  It may be a raise, a new job, or simply the first date you’ve had after an illness.  It could be finding an extra $5 in your pocket or staying in budget for your groceries last month.  You get the idea.  Find ways to celebrate your everyday life, by lighting the candle you’ve never lit, or opening the special bottle of wine or specialty coffee you’ve been saving for…who knows what – then, share it with us on the 12th of each month.  We’ll be sure to remind you…but it is up to you whether or not you participate.

We love sharing our life and love with you.  But we never intended this blog to be solely about us!  We are only one couple in a sea of marriages worth celebrating.  This is your chance to tell us in one to three sentences a moment you purposed to celebrate in the past month.  Once you do, you will be entered into our drawing for a gift card to the restaurant of your choice.

This month we’re making it easy: Tell us a favorite moment you enjoyed together at Christmas; both husbands and wives are encouraged to share.

For me, my favorite moment was sitting at the table at our church’s Christmas celebration taking it all in – the love we share not only with each other, but with the three couples who were seated with us, as well as the entire room full of many lifelong friends. It was certainly a moment worth celebrating!

Remember, only one entry per person, and you must be married or engaged to participate.  We’ll announce the winner in tomorrow’s post.  Comments must be submitted by midnight TONIGHT! We are looking forward to hearing from you!  If you have a blog, you’re invited to copy our challenge button and link up each month using Misty Linky at the bottom of the post.  Thanks!

Now, if you haven’t figured it out by now, I (Debi) love music in all forms – even the corny musical numbers make me smile!!  I hope you’ll enjoy this song by Judy Garland sung during the final moments of her last episode of The Judy Garland Show, which only aired one season.  It is how we came up with the new name of our Challenge and is quite fitting don’t you think?

Here’s To Us!

 

Posted in Contests, Here's To Us Challenge | Tagged , | 29 Comments

Mark Your Calendar

Posted on January 10, 2011 by Debi Walter

Photo: blogtalkradio.com

It’s great to be able to plan a romantic night together, but what about when sickness is in the house?  Everything stops and the urgent completely requires our time and energy.  We must watch our attitude and our care for our spouse during these times.  We can have expectations to be romantic, when an illness requires us to simply make them comfortable.  This is just as important, if not more so.

As you may have guessed we have had quite an episode of illness all through our family.  Now Tom and I are doing all we can to nurse our coughs, so they amount to nothing more.  But, if we succumb to the virus, we know that although our bodies may be sick, our hearts and marriage are well.  Underneath the coughing, sneezing and early to bed nights, is a sweet assurance normal will return, and we will once again flow back into our favorite routine – US.

What about you?  When sickness is in your house, do you consider this another way to romance your spouse, or do you complain about the interruption?  I have been in both camps and the former is by far better than the latter.  But it is only possible by the grace of God at work in our hearts.  We should daily look for ways to highly esteem our spouse – this includes times of sickness and in health.

If you are well – thank God!  And then, plan a night out to celebrate your health!  Here is what’s happening around town this week:

CENTRAL

  • Ringling Brothers Barnum & Bailey Circus will come to Orlando January 13th – 17th.  See sight for ticket information and times.
  • Orlando Science Center – Experience Orlando At Night by watching the night sky through a telescope.  Takes place the first and third Saturdays of each month from 6 – 9p.  Cost is $7.
  • Winter Park – Popcorn Flicks in the Park – Thursday, January 13th.  This month’s featured movie is, It Happened One Night, and begins at 7p.  FREE.

NORTH

  • Sanford – Alive After Five presents it’s annual Chili Cook-Off on Thursday, January 13th from 5p to 8p.  Cost is $7.
  • Mt. Dora – Renninger’s Antique Extravaganza will take place January 14th – 16th.  Cost is $10 Friday, $6 Saturday and $4 Sunday.  See sight for times and location.
  • Mt. Dora – Movie In The Park on Friday, January 14th in Donnelly Park.  This month’s featured movie is Snow Day and begins at Dusk.  FREE.

EAST

  • Harry P. Leu Gardens – Annual Camelia Show on January 15th and 16th.  See sight for times.  Cost is $7.

SOUTH

WEST

Posted in Mark Your Calendars (time sensitive) | Tagged | Comments Off on Mark Your Calendar

Live Like You Were Dying

Posted on January 7, 2011 by Debi Walter

We recently watched the movie, The Bucket List, thinking we would end up turning it off.  But we didn’t.  The message speaks loud and clear that every moment we live matters.  We were quite affected with how much one person can make the difference in another person’s life.  Although Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman play two completely different characters with two opposing worldviews – they inevitably become friends, and it is a friendship with lasting impact.  The high esteem given to marriage, even though it isn’t perfect, is powerful.  We finished the movie with a stronger conviction to model what true Christian marriage is all about.  We love because Christ has first loved us (period!).   Faith is what carries us when we aren’t sure we can keep going.  And God is the author and finisher of our faith – it’s ALL Him.!

As we come to the end of the first week of the New Year, we are challenged by the following video put together by NixSeraph set to the song by Tim McGraw titled, Live Like You Were Dying.  Spoiler Alert:  If you haven’t seen the movie, which is hard to believe because EVERYONE sees movies before us, and you are planning to, then you won’t want to watch this video.

May each of us love our spouses more this year as we focus on what really matters! Have you made your I.Heart.List yet?  Why not plan an evening to get one started.  Follow the link to read some of ours!

Posted in A Fragrant Aroma, Finding Joy, Forgiveness, Growing Strong Marriages | 1 Comment

Fruit of the Spirit: Faith

Posted on January 6, 2011 by Tom and Debi

We began our study of the Fruit of the Spirit as it applies to marriage at the beginning of September.  It’s hard to believe four months have passed, and yet, here we are –  ready to dive into the last Fruit of the Spirit – FAITH.

The Bible says in Hebrews 12:1, “Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.”

This entire chapter goes on to tell of the great men and women of old who believed God and the promises He had made, although all died without ever seeing it come to pass.  Their faith was in God, and as a result they trusted His timing to fulfill what He promised.

Certainly there is purpose in the order of the Fruit as it is listed in Galations 5:22 – love, joy, peace, long-suffering, kindness, goodness, meekness…faith!  But the fruit isn’t plural – it is one fruit with nine attributes.  Each one is growing ever stronger as we practice our “faith”.  And the one with whom we practice most is our spouse.

We have faced many difficult seasons in our marriage.  Some were the results of sin issues, some were physical issues and some were simply misunderstandings left to fester.  They have come somewhat regularly like the tide of the sea, yet each time we have learned more about ourselves and what wrongly motivates us.

What God is desiring in our marriage, as well in our personal lives, is a faith which is unflinching.

Photo: Richard Beal's Blog

He likened it to us traveling a road on a stagecoach going full speed ahead, when an unexpected obstacle obscures the way.  The horses, not expecting the hazard, are startled and rear up on their haunches.  Luggage is strewn everywhere; the dust is so thick it’s suffocating and everything comes to an abrupt halt.  It takes time to calm the horses down, assess any damages before forward progress can begin again, if at all.

Compare this scenario to a bullet train traveling full-throttle across the countryside.  It is secure on the tracks, and doesn’t flinch when anything gets in its way.  It’s way is secure because the path is sure.

God has ordained our lives to be marked with unflinching faith.  We will face adversity.  We will have hardships; jobs will be lost, sickness will come and rebellion will inflict it’s stabbing pain and guilt in our lives.  This is life in our world, but faith rises above the trouble, and gives us a vision for what will be.  Our confidence and hope isn’t in our ability to change ourselves.  Our confidence is in God who is the author and perfecter of our faith.  And what He has begun, He will complete.

This is faith, and this is our hope, your hope!

Although we don’t see everything clearly yet, we know one day we will!  Let’s love each other with faith knowing God is at work in both of our hearts.  Let’s believe His Word is true not just for those who have gone before us, but for us today, where we are.  Our marriages will grow as we respond to the Spirit’s work in our lives.  He has promised it so.

We close this series with a worship song titled, Completely Done, from the Sons and Daughters album. Take a moment to thank God for the Fruit evident in your marriage at present and for the Fruit which will surely come in the future.  We can have faith, because He who has promised is faithful!

Posted in Christian Marriage, Fruits of the Spirit, Growing Strong Marriages | Comments Off on Fruit of the Spirit: Faith

Celebrate Each Day

Posted on January 5, 2011 by Tom and Debi

Today we want to share with you a post we think will help us as married couples, make the most of each day in 2011.  Please take time to read it all the way through.  Lori Lowe , who hosts the Marriage Gems website, has granted us permission to repost her excellent article below.  After you’ve read it, take some time to consider how implementing this mindset might effect your marriage on a daily basis.  We are VERY excited to see what comes as a result of purposing to celebrate each day!

 

Happy New Year! Although I frequently avoid New Year’s resolutions, I’m resolving in 2011 to savor small pleasures of life and to create more small moments of celebration. I’ll admit I’m not one for large parties, and even our New Year’s celebration is low key. But I read a book called Love by the Glass, which has inspired me to be more intentional and romantic in small, yet meaningful ways.

Wall Street Journal wine columnists Dorothy Gaiter and John Brecher co-wrote the book—part memoir, part wine tutorial—which is about celebrating and creating romance in everyday life. What struck me most is not how much they know about wine (they know a lot), but how they created rituals, such as a special toast they always did, or the moments they created after work, or when the sun was setting on vacation, or after their kids were in bed, that just happened to be around wine.

While I don’t intend to significantly increase my wine consumption this year, it made me realize that savoring good food and drink, buying flowers or lighting a relaxing candle, or indulging in a favorite dessert are all ways I can create moments of celebration, especially with my sweetheart. Whether your ritual is great coffee or great wine, creating fun rituals that surround what you enjoy can be uplifting. I’ve had to fight my rather practical nature in this regard, as these items are “unnecessary” in our daily lives. However, upon reflection, I think special gestures and things that stimulate the senses are indeed necessary for inspiring an extraordinary life.

Last week, I shopped for new candles, bought dark chocolate covered tart cherries, flowers, and wine and incorporated these items into our regular day along with good music. Basically, I created an atmosphere that appealed more to my senses. I read some good books to stimulate my mind and allowed time for relaxation. I believe the positive energy was good for the entire family, and it helped me think more clearly.

Part of creating moments of celebration is also realizing how much we have to celebrate—a clean bill of health after your checkup, another year of gainful employment, a loving spouse by your side, a bonus or raise, a robust child. As Gaiter and Brecher share in their book, “Great wine experiences don’t compare with great life experiences. Relax and enjoy it.”

One of their WSJ columns (Tastings) was themed “Open That Bottle Night.” It was centered on the idea that we often save special items for a future special time, and that time never comes. Many wine lovers have a special bottle they are waiting for the right moment to enjoy. Others save lingerie for a special night, or never light the candles because they are saving them for who-knows-what. Gaiter and Bucher proposed planning that night right now, creating a special menu and evening, then opening the bottle and savoring it with those you love. They received an outpouring of letters from readers who did just that and shared their stories. Is there something you are waiting for? Memories in 2012 will be what we create this year; hopefully we will be intentional about them. Use the china. Eat in the dining room. Wear the nice dress or the good underwear. Buy her favorite flowers.

What I enjoyed most about the book was the life story, how the co-authors, a white Jewish man and an outgoing southern African-American women with an afro, fell in love at first sight in the newsroom on their first day of work. I enjoyed following their travels, particularly the train trips when they just stared out the window watching the world go by while drinking champagne and eating meals in bed. I was touched by their struggle with infertility and their eventual success at having two young girls, only to be told that “Dottie” had a terminal illness and would live only four months. They doctors were wrong about the diagnosis, but they lived those four months believing they would be her last. I’m not sure if that’s a gift or a curse, but I think it’s one of the reasons they became even more intentional about celebrating every moment of life.

What is something you can celebrate today, or next month? What is a small element you can add to your home or bedroom that would stimulate your senses? How about planning a favorite meal of your spouse, or making dinner reservations if you don’t like to cook? How about coming up with a thoughtful toast, or a ritual toast that is just between you two? Consider placing a weekly or monthly reminder on your calendar to remind yourself to create and find special moments in which to celebrate. Small gestures are fine, or go big and plan a weekend away or renewal of your wedding vows. Best wishes in the New Year for opportunities to savor life to its fullest.

Tell us, how will you make the most of those everyday moments worth celebrating?

Posted in Blog Love, Celebrations, Guest Post, Romance in Marriage | 5 Comments

Energy Rightly Placed

Posted on January 4, 2011 by Debi Walter

Sunday night we were scheduled to have our children over for our annual New Year’s Dinner.  The meal was prepared; the meat was marinating; the house was cleaned, but then it happened.  We had to cancel because of sickness.  I was disappointed because we had a great evening planned.  But I knew we could reschedule when everyone would feel like eating again!  😦

Now the pressing question was, “What do we do with all this food?”

We picked up the phone and began calling couples to see if they were available at the last minute.  Amazingly, three couples were and the dinner was on again – only this time with a completely different set of people at our table.

Tom and I worked hard chopping, peeling and cutting in the kitchen.  We talked about what we wanted to discuss and how amazing God had orchestrated the events of the day.  Certainly, He had a plan in this change.

The table was set!  The food was ready, and the candles lit.  We hadn’t sat down all afternoon, but we were excited.

As our guests arrived we quickly entered into lively conversation.  The couples couldn’t have been more different, yet fellowship was immediate.  Three of the couples have been friends for years – the fourth was new to our sphere.  Yet the wisdom shared as well as the memories remembered were precious.

We talked of our marriage, our life, our mistakes, our dreams, our failures.  It was an evening full of sharing, each one of us, what God had done and what we had learned in the process.  We spent some time praying together for each other and thanking God for bringing us together on this night at this time in our lives.  It was a perfect evening.

As everyone left there was a quiet stillness.  The beautiful table settings were dirty from a meal not only shared, but enjoyed together.  The napkins which had been placed in the napkin rings before dinner, were now crumpled on the table.  The soaking pots and pans,  used glasses and silverware, all offered reminders that there was work yet to be done.

But I paused.

I was satisfied with all the energy spent because we had spent time with old and new friends.  I almost wanted to take a picture of the mess – it made me happy.  It was proof that having friends and being friends takes effort.  It takes energy.  But it’s an energy that must be rightly placed.

I remember in our early years I had to have everything perfect before anyone could come over.  But God has helped me learn to redirect my efforts. Now I know without hesitation, it doesn’t matter what the house looks like or how fancy the food.  What matters is those who entered our home left it with full stomachs knowing they were loved by friends who cared for them on this night of God’s choosing.

Changes are inevitable.  It is in these changes where God helps us place our energy where it ought to be – in loving others the way we have been loved.

When was the last time you had your plans interrupted by God?  Did you see the good right away, or did it take time?

Posted in Christian Marriage | 5 Comments

Mark Your Calendar

Posted on January 3, 2011 by Tom Walter

Welcome to 2011.

Image by Lindsay Jane Designs

As husbands and wives, it’s a fresh start.  For God it’s simply one more day in the life He’s called us to faithfully live.  He has a plan for every day, and as married couples He has a plan for our relationship to grow and mature.  The choices we make each day will either say “yes” or “no” to His plan.  Although most of us probably never blatantly tell God NO, when we choose to do one thing, we must ask ourselves what we won’t be able to do as a result.

For example, when I decide to go out with my friends, I am saying no to spending time with my family.  When I decide to take a nap, I am saying no to my “honey-do” list.  It’s all a matter of priorities, in every choice we make.  The point in all this is  not that naps or going out with friends are bad, but to be mindful of what you’re saying yes and no to, and be sure to discuss it with each other.  Doing so will keep your communication together open and will most certainly avoid unnecessary conflict.

In case you are planning to go out with your lovely bride – here’s what’s happening around town this week:

CENTRAL

  • Winter Park – Winter In The Park – featuring ice skating each day all day.  Cost is $10 and includes skate rental.  Check site for times on specific days.
  • College Park Farmer’s Market – Thursday, January 6th from 5p. to 9p.  It’s all local and all handmade – FREE.

NORTH

WEST

  • Clermont – Day In Florida History, Saturday, January 8th beginning at 9a.
  • Clermont – Lakeridge Winery presents the Winter Music Series every Saturday in the month of January from 1p – 4p.  FREE.
Posted in Christian Marriage, communication, Date Night Ideas, Husbands, Mark Your Calendars (time sensitive) | Comments Off on Mark Your Calendar

2010 in Review

Posted on January 2, 2011 by Tom Walter

We received our year-end-summary from WordPress.com – the site through whom we post our blog – and it is quite encouraging, so we posted it below.  The top post being The Husband Only page means one thing – husbands are coming back again and again to get fresh ideas on how to romance and love their wives.  That’s excellent, guys!  And The Wives Only page came in at #3 – a sure sign there’s balance in who’s pursuing whom!  This makes our day!

The stats helper monkeys at WordPress.com mulled over how this blog did in 2010, and here’s a high level summary of its overall blog health:

Healthy blog!

The Blog-Health-o-Meter™ reads Wow.

Crunchy numbers

Featured image

Madison Square Garden can seat 20,000 people for a concert. This blog was viewed about 63,000 times in 2010. If it were a concert at Madison Square Garden, it would have performed about 3 times.

 

In 2010, there were 270 new posts, growing the total archive of this blog to 505 posts. There were 631 pictures uploaded, taking up a total of 343mb. That’s about 2 pictures per day.

The busiest day of the year was July 1st with 763 views. The most popular post that day was Husbands Only.

Where did they come from?

The top referring sites in 2010 were simplymodernmom.com, networkedblogs.com, the-generous-wife.com, the-generous-husband.com, and facebook.com.

Some visitors came searching, mostly for man thinking, thomas kinkade, bloomin onion, blooming onion, and love endures all things.

Attractions in 2010

These are the posts and pages that got the most views in 2010.

1

Husbands Only November 2008
7 comments

2

Rainy Date Ideas May 2009
3 comments

3

Wives Only November 2008
10 comments

4

Freebie Friday – Bloomin’ Onion October 2009
1 comment

5

Fireproof Your Marriage May 2009
4 comments

Posted in Testimonies | Tagged | Comments Off on 2010 in Review

Another Award – Happy New Year

Posted on January 1, 2011 by Tom and Debi

Yesterday we discovered Paul Byerly, of The Generous Husband, picked The Romantic Vineyard to be included on his first list (maybe annual) Hot Marriage Blogs for 2010.  While this is solely his opinion, we find it quite the commendation since he and his wife, Lori have been blogging on helping Christian marriages longer than many of our readers have been married!  Thank you, Paul.  This really is an honor!   We pray we can continue to offer hope, help and useful posts that are warm, but “not too fuzzy”.  🙂  (You made us laugh with the title!)

Here’s what he had to say:

Warm But Not Too Fuzzy Award: The Romantic Vineyard

I tried to come up with a better title for this, but failed. Tom & Debi do a lot of good posts on the romantic and emotional aspects of marriage without being so gooey that men shrink away. They have also done some great study series.

This being the first day of the New Year, we have decided to take the 31 questions we offered in this post, print them, cut them into individual strips and place them in a basket.  We will pull one out to read each day to ponder and discuss during the month of January.

May your marriage be blessed, your endeavors prosper and your heart’s capacity to love others increase, as you love God and pursue Him wholeheartedly.

Posted in Blog Love, Christian Marriage, communication, Contests, Growing Strong Marriages, Holidays, resources, Spiritual Intimacy | Tagged , | 2 Comments

100 Joys – Final Week

Posted on December 31, 2010 by Debi Walter

Today marks the last day of 2010 and our final list of 100 joys.  It has been a wonderful diversion for a usually overwhelmingly hectic month.   I honestly was afraid I wouldn’t be able to find so many, yet now I am finding Joy everywhere I look.  As I drive down the road, being tempted to complain and grumble about the traffic, I silently look for the joy to be found.  It is there when the driver in the car next to me thanks me with a wave and a smile for letting them pull in front of me.  Sometimes joy is extended when it is offered first!  Have you found Joy?  Won’t you share a few you’ve found with us?

Here are our remaining joys…

85.  Stewed Blackberries over hot buttered biscuits.
86.  Grace – unmerited and free.
87.  Candlelit dinners
88.  History – watching a movie that tells a story I didn’t know before.
89.  STORY – noticing the way God is writing MY story, and thinking of the many stories of people I pass everyday that only HE knows.  We all have story – what’s yours?

90.  Finishing three months of medication for vertigo and realizing how much it had affected my emotions.  Joy in feeling myself again!
91.  Seeing the word JOY everywhere I go and realizing I am changing because I noticed!

92.  Route 66 Club – A group of friends from my church who travel this Ancient Road together.  What a joy it has been to hear their view, motivating me to keep “traveling” (reading) the 66 books of the Bible.
93.  The first day of a long weekend together.
94.  Reading a new book to my three year old granddaughter about a mouse who writes stories!  Thank you, Starbucks for creating such a cute mouse named, Huxley.

95.  Finding the perfect Christmas ornaments for each of our children to represent 2010, and anticipating our special dinner when we will give them to them this weekend.  🙂
96.  Reading the last chapter in the Old and New Testament.  Thus closing out another year of God faithfully leading me through His Word.
97.  Wagon rides around the block.
98.  Blue skies after several dreary, cold days.
99.  The quiet calm in our home after everyone has gone to sleep.

100.  The comfortable place in marriage where Tom knows the worst of me, and I of him, yet our love grows ever stronger.  Not because of us, but because of Christ, who for the JOY set before Him, endured the Cross despising the shame and has sat down at the right hand of the Father.  This is the root of all joy, in life – in marriage, and it’s Indescribable!

We had the privilege of hearing Josh Wilson this month at our church’s 25th Anniversary Christmas Celebration.  To close our segment on Joy, we thought it VERY appropriate to leave you with a song of hope, help and most of all JOY, titled, “Before The Morning!”  Happy New Year – we will return to our normal posts on Monday.

 

Posted in 100 Joys, A Fragrant Aroma | Comments Off on 100 Joys – Final Week

The Things We’ll Miss

Posted on December 30, 2010 by Debi Walter

2010 will soon be a memory.  Amazing isn’t it, how quickly a year goes by?  Even more amazing is how fast our lives pass.  We have been given a few short years in this life to make a difference.  This is why marriage matters.  It matters when we hold a grudge.  It matters when we choose to withdraw affection.  Time is passing, and if we realized how quickly, we wouldn’t waste a single minute with our pettiness and complaints.  Instead we would choose to be grateful, even for the little annoyances we experience day in and day out.

I’ve heard it said by a good friend how she gets annoyed by the fact that after 30+ years of marriage she is still picking up dirty clothes after her husband.  But one day the Lord graciously interrupted her whining and complaining with this thought:

“You know, this is the very thing you’ll miss when he’s gone!”

It was something she had never considered.  And this little interruption completely changed her heart towards this imperfection in her husband.

Image from laundryfreedom.com

Recently, we saw this video on another excellent marriage blog we frequent – Marriage Gems.  We believe it speaks volumes, but we must warn you – grab a tissue.  You’ll  most likely need it!  But more than this, we pray it will inspire you to actually thank God for the daily imperfections found in each other.

Posted in Blog Love, Difficulty, Forgiveness, Growing Strong Marriages, Testimonies | Tagged | 6 Comments

As The Year End Approaches…

Posted on December 29, 2010 by Tom Walter

It’s time to plan some real one-on-one time together.

Asking questions is a great way to help each other understand the past year, interpret the present and plan for the new year.  We’ve shared these questions before, but they always are appreciated reminders.  To make the most of the New Year – in the midst of all the fireworks and parties – spend some time alone to talk and pray together.

Below are some great questions included in an excellent article by Donald Whitney to get you started.  And remember – it’s of most importance that you listen twice as much as you speak.  Happy New Year!

Ten Questions to Ask at the Start of a New Year

The beginning of a new year is an ideal time to stop, look up, and get our bearings. Even those most faithful to God occasionally need to pause and think about the direction of their lives. It’s so easy to bump along from one busy week to another without ever stopping to ponder where we’re going and where we should be going.  To that end, here are some questions to ask prayerfully in the presence of God.

1. What’s one thing you could do this year to increase your enjoyment of God?
2. What’s the most humanly impossible thing you will ask God to do this year?
3. What’s the single most important thing you could do to improve the quality of your family life this year?
4. In which spiritual discipline do you most want to make progress this year, and what will you do about it?
5. What is the single biggest time-waster in your life, and what will you do about it this year?
6. What is the most helpful new way you could strengthen your church?
7. For whose salvation will you pray most fervently this year?
8. What’s the most important way you will, by God’s grace, try to make this year different from last year?
9. What one thing could you do to improve your prayer life this year?
10. What single thing that you plan to do this year will matter most in ten years? In eternity?

In addition to these ten questions, here are twenty-one more to help you “Consider your ways.” Think on the entire list at one sitting, or answer one question each day for a month.

11. What’s the most important decision you need to make this year?
12. What area of your life most needs simplifying, and what’s one way you could simplify in that area?
13. What’s the most important need you feel burdened to meet this year?
14. What habit would you most like to establish this year?
15. Who is the person you most want to encourage this year?
16. What is your most important financial goal this year, and what is the most important step you can take toward achieving it?
17. What’s the single most important thing you could do to improve the quality of your work life this year?
18. What’s one new way you could be a blessing to your pastor (or to another who ministers to you) this year?
19. What’s one thing you could do this year to enrich the spiritual legacy you will leave to your children and grandchildren?
20. What book, in addition to the Bible, do you most want to read this year?
21. What one thing do you most regret about last year, and what will you do about it this year?
22. What single blessing from God do you want to seek most earnestly this year?
23. In what area of your life do you most need growth, and what will you do about it this year?
24. What’s the most important trip you want to take this year?
25. What skill do you most want to learn or improve this year?
26. To what need or ministry will you try to give an unprecedented amount this year?
27. What’s the single most important thing you could do to improve the quality of your commute this year?
28. What one biblical doctrine do you most want to understand better this year, and what will you do about it?
29. If those who know you best gave you one piece of advice, what would they say? Would they be right? What will you do about it?
30. What’s the most important new item you want to buy this year?
31. In what area of your life do you most need change, and what will you do about it this year?

The value of many of these questions is not in their profundity, but in the simple fact that they bring an issue or commitment into focus. For example, just by articulating which person you most want to encourage this year is more likely to help you remember to encourage that person than if you hadn’t considered the question.

If you’ve found these questions helpful, you might want to put them someplace—in a day planner, PDA, calendar, bulletin board, etc.—where you can review them more frequently than once a year.

So let’s evaluate our lives, make plans and goals, and live this new year with biblical diligence, remembering that, “The plans of the diligent lead surely to advantage” (Proverbs 21:5). But in all things let’s also remember our dependence on our King who said, “Apart from Me you can do nothing” (John 15:5).

Posted in Christian Marriage, communication, Growing Strong Marriages, Winter Date Ideas | Tagged , , | 2 Comments