When Love Feels Hard

Posted on July 14, 2025 by Debi Walter

Marriage isn’t always what we pictured on our wedding day. Some seasons feel more like dry, cracked ground—where misunderstandings pile up, hearts grow distant, and love feels like a duty, not a delight.

I’ve been there. And if you’re honest, maybe you have too.

But here’s the truth I’ve learned:

Fighting for your marriage when love feels hard isn’t about trying harder—it’s about surrendering deeper.

Love Was Never Meant to Be Fueled by Feelings Alone

Feelings come and go. God designed marriage to be rooted in covenant, not convenience. When emotions fade, it doesn’t mean the love is gone—it means it’s time to lean on something (or Someone) stronger than ourselves.

“We love because He first loved us.” —1 John 4:19

Prayer: The Quiet Battle That Changes Everything

There were times I wanted to fix my husband—times I thought if he would just change, things would get better. But God whispered something different:

“Let Me change you first.”

When I started praying—not just for him, but for my own heart—something shifted. Resentment softened. Hope returned. And slowly, love rekindled.

Simple Prayer to Start:

“Lord, teach me to love my spouse the way You love me. Heal what’s hurting, soften what’s hard, and help me fight for us with Your strength.”

You Are Not Alone in This Fight

The enemy wants you to believe you’re the only one struggling. You’re not. Every lasting marriage walks through hard seasons. But the ones that survive—and even thrive—are the ones where at least one spouse says,

“I won’t give up.”

And often, that one spouse becomes the spark God uses to breathe life back into the marriage.

Take One Small Step Today

Pray before you speak.

Speak one kind word.

Ask God to bless your spouse.

Choose forgiveness, even if it’s silent.

Small steps make big changes over time.

If you’re in a hard place, don’t lose heart. The same God who turned water into wine can revive love where it feels dry. Keep fighting—not with harsh words, but with a surrendered heart.

You’re not fighting alone. And the harvest of love is worth it.

“Let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.” —Galatians 6:9

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Welcome to our new followers. We pray our posts help you make the most of your marriage—as long as you both shall live.

Blessings,

Tom and Debi ❤️❤️

Posted in Biblical Encouragement, Christian Marriage, Difficulty | Tagged , , | 1 Comment

Goodbye Is Not The End

Posted on July 9, 2025 by Debi Walter

My heart has been grieving for the families devastated by the flood that swept their loved ones away. In an hour’s time, those who were are no more. My heart breaks for the loss of those I’ve never met, because God created each one and knows them each by name.

Couples who had this many children are grieving the ones missing at their table tonight. I cannot imagine their pain. But I know the One who can.

This morning as I awoke hearing a higher total of those who have died, this song came to mind. I wasn’t even sure if the lyrics would be helpful—until I listened.

I pray this song will turn grieving hearts to the only One who understands such loss. Our Father willingly gave His only Son, so we could have hope; a hope which enables us to say, “Goodbye’s not the end.”

Pray with us for all those grieving as we weep with those who weep. We are grateful to say we are not without hope. Our confidence is this,

“The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.”
‭‭Psalm‬ ‭34‬:‭18‬ ‭ESV‬‬

With broken hearts,

Tom and Debi 💔💔

Posted in Christian Marriage, Death and Grieving, Difficulty, Music, Prayer, Seasons of Life | Tagged , , , , | Comments Off on Goodbye Is Not The End

Vintage Post – Your Past Does Not Define You

Posted on July 7, 2025 by Debi Walter

The following was first published in February 2019. I am often tempted to let my past influence my present. Maybe you can relate…

Did you know that if you are a Christian your past sins no longer define you? You are a new creation! If this is true, which I believe it is–why do we live as if our sin is who we are? I hear people say, “I’m lazy!” or “I’m no good!” or “I’m an idiot!” Our words have power to speak life or death and these words are not life giving! 

I remember a season when I disqualified myself from helping other young moms because I felt all I had to offer them was a bad example. What I was really doing was allowing my sin to silence God’s grace in my life. We are all imperfect sinners saved by the grace and mercy of God. We can boast in our weaknesses and failures because of what Christ has done! 

Am I perfect? Absolutely not! But I am His and that makes all the difference. If God sees me in Christ, shouldn’t I?

So many times I see the look of defeat and discouragement on faces. It can be men, women, or couples. They are listening to the wrong voice. Our sin has a remedy and it is found in the cross of Jesus Christ. He nailed everyone of them there on that dark day in history. Who are we to take it back down and lament what has already been crucified?

Are you discouraged today in your marriage? Does it seem as if the same besetting sins are having their way with you and/or your spouse? Then I encourage you to repent if needed. But if you are being tormented by the accuser who constantly reminds you of the past, then stand tall and declare you are no longer bound by that sin! You are beautifully bought with the precious blood of Christ. 

If it seems too much to unpack yourself, then seek help. Don’t delay. Your life and marriage is too precious to waste it wallowing in self-pity and despair. 

I realize that if you are not a Christian, this post can be confusing. That is not in my heart for you. If you would like to know more about being free from the past and its failures please email me.

“He whom the Son sets free is free indeed!” – John 8:36

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We are arriving home tonight from our 3 week, 7 state journey. While we have made a lot of memories, took hundreds of photos and ate a lot of food, we are ready to be home. Thank you for visiting us today.

Blessings,

Tom and Debi ❤️❤️

Posted in Biblical Encouragement, Christian Marriage, Keeping It Real, Repentance, Temptation, Vintage Posts | Tagged , , , | Comments Off on Vintage Post – Your Past Does Not Define You

Foodie Friday – Special Edition

Posted on June 27, 2025 by Debi Walter

I know we told you we were going to be away for a couple of weeks, and we are. But today something happened that is on the level of lifetime dreams for me (Debi). Tom and I both wanted to share it with you in this special Foodie Friday edition.

Back in the day when newspaper publications were our only source of news, they would come out with “Special Editions” for breaking news. Today’s post deserves the “special edition” category.

Being foodies, we love cooking shows. When The Lost Kitchen first aired in January of 2021, I fell in love with Erin French’s concept to love people by the food she made. She exudes hospitality, which is what motivates my love for inviting friends into our home for good food and conversation around our table. Reading her book, Finding Freedom, made me love her even more. She has survived so much adversity in her life and ended up succeeding beyond her wildest dreams!

In order to eat at her table, each year I have mailed a post card to Freedom, Maine, hoping for my card to be drawn for a reservation at The Lost Kitchen. With her popularity on Magnolia Network, the odds of getting a reservation was quite slim.

When Tom and I planned this trip to New England, I expressed my desire to go to Freedom and see her place. I didn’t need to eat her food—I have both of her cookbooks and can make anything I want—I just wanted to see The Mill. I was thrilled to see that they were hosting a Farmer’s Market the day we were planning to go.

So despite the 70 year breaking heat wave in New England, we set our GPS for The Lost Kitchen. Although the heat was extremely disappointing, we grew more excited with each mile.

When we finally got there, we didn’t see a farmer’s market. We walked up to the Mill and discovered to our surprise, lunch was being served!

We ordered the organic fried chicken and strawberry shortcake, all the while watching Erin do her magic in her little kitchen.

Even though the heat index was over 100°, eating hot chicken outside, overlooking the mill pond was a dream come true. I met Erin and she allowed me to take a photo of us; my heart was full!

As we headed towards our car, we saw Erin’s husband, Michael, coming up the driveway. He stopped and chatted with us about the scorching heat. Such a kind man whom I respect for the way he loves Erin.

Finally we chatted with the a guy selling cheeses by the road. He is the one who revealed the miracle of this day. I asked why there was no Farmer’s Market. He explained it was canceled due to the extreme temps. Erin decided to do a pop-up lunch instead!

So the heat Tom and I had been complaining about all week, was actually securing for me a dream come true. What a God we serve who orchestrates such plans.

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Thank you for stopping by today. We pray this story inspires you to look for God’s blessings in the midst of hard things. His plans for us are always good. This is a promise worth clinging to!

Embracing the heat for the good it provides,

Tom and Debi ❤️❤️

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Up, Up and Away

Posted on June 18, 2025 by Debi Walter

Today marks the start of our summer vacation and 47 years since our first date. We are excited for the time away and wanted to let you know why our posts will be absent until July.

We encourage you to take advantage of our Date Night Questions or our Date Night Ideas to help you plan some fun this summer.

We will be sharing some photos on our IG account of places and meals we have enjoyed on this trip. Follow us if you aren’t already @theromanticvineyard.

Time to relax and reset is vital for a healthy marriage—this is our time. We’d love to hear your summer plans.

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Blessings,

Tom and Debi ❤️❤️

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Basking

Posted on June 16, 2025 by Debi Walter

Yesterday was Father’s Day. I planned a dinner for the dads in our life who live close. Our table was full—twelve souls gathered to delight in the gift of good fathers who love well.

The meal was simple, but one of Tom’s favorites—grilled flank steak salad and fresh baked bread. We started with a shrimp appetizer too. But the highlight of the day was the bourbon cherry pie ala mode.

My son-in-love’s brother never liked pie, but one bite of this and all that changed. His response was delightful!

Moments where I witness someone fully enjoy something I’ve made are what fuels my love for cooking and baking. It’s like a special gift, not bought with money but made by hand.

God also delights to give us delicious food. It is found in His Word where we taste and see that He is good; better than the richest of foods.

Father’s Day is the perfect time to get to know Him, our Heavenly Father, on a deeper level.

Having a husband who has excelled in loving, leading and caring for our family all these years is a gift I don’t take lightly. I wanted to give him a card that expressed what things I love about HIM, instead of one that says how he makes ME feel. The latter seems self-focused. I found the perfect one, and as I watched him slowly read it with tears in his eyes, I realized it was worth the price of the card.

I’m basking in the joy of yesterday. Grateful for the gift of the fathers I am blessed to know and love.

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We are grateful you have taken the time to read our post today. How was your Father’s Day? Was it one of joy or pain? Basking or regret? Whichever it was for you, God, the Father, is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow. He couldn’t love you anymore than He already does. This is a love worth basking in for all eternity!

Blessings,

Tom and Debi ❤️❤️

Posted in Celebrations, Christian Marriage, Holidays | Tagged , , | 3 Comments

Foodie Fridays – Glazed Ham Steak

Posted on June 13, 2025 by Debi Walter

Our grocery store has ham steaks on BOGO this week, so I put them in the cart not sure what I would do with them. At any rate, I knew it would be a quick dinner to prepare during a busy week.

I did a Google search for “ham steak recipes”, and found this quick and delicious one by BudgetBytes.com

It was so easy, I may keep these on hand for nights when I don’t know what to cook.

The only change I made was suggested in the reviews. The glaze was thick, so I splashed a little bourbon in the pan and let it cook down. It added just the right consistency.

I baked sweet potatoes and some veggies to go with it and dinner was ready in no time.

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This Sunday is Father’s Day and we have a nice meal planned for all the dad’s in our family. We will miss our son and his family, but have a trip scheduled with them next week in NYC. It will be a fun, family-filled week for us.

There is nothing that mirrors the love of God for us as a father’s love for His children. It is a high calling, but God supplies the grace needed for men to love their children the way God loves us.

Happy Father’s Day to all who are dads. May the Lord remind you of His faithfulness to you and your family.

Blessings,

Tom and Debi ❤️❤️

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Fighting Fair

Posted on June 9, 2025 by Debi Walter

Fighting looks different for every marriage.

* Some are silent fighters—the cold shoulder is their weapon of choice.

* Some are score keepers—their weapon of choice is a list of wrongs suffered.

* Some are angry—their weapon of choice is their words.

* Some are blame shifters—their weapon of choice is accusations.

* Finally, some are peace fakers—their weapon of choice is denial.

Every marriage fights in one way or another, but learning how to fight fair is essential for a healthy marriage.

Each type of fighter mentioned above could be its own blog post. But the focus of this post is how to fight fair, regardless of your fighting style.

All fighting happens because you or your spouse aren’t getting what you want.

“What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you? You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. You do not have, because you do not ask. You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions.”
‭‭James‬ ‭4‬:‭1‬-‭3‬ ‭ESV‬‬

Fights will happen, but they don’t have to last. What’s required is the ability to say what upset you without upsetting your spouse. If you don’t do this, you will only complicate the disagreement.

Tom has always said, “Purpose to lower your voice to keep your emotions at bay.” We all have a tendency to raise our voices, thinking we are gaining the upper hand. But really we’re only giving vent to unbridled anger.

“A soft answer turns away wrath.”

Proverbs 15:1 ESV

Another way to diffuse a fight is to ask questions, instead of making assumptions. We may know what happened, but the why isn’t known unless you are both willing to be honest with each other.

The last tip we learned from Gary Thomas in his book, Cherish. He says we have a choice to either treat our spouse like an attorney to prove them guilty whatever it takes! Or to treat them like a physician where we are willing to work together to find the issue. The former is pointing fingers, the latter is holding hands.

The most valuable lesson I learned during our first major conflict was that we aren’t enemies, we are on the same team fighting the same enemy.

I remember a picture I heard that changed my perspective on what’s behind all marital conflicts.

As Christians who are married, we have a real enemy that wants nothing more than to see our relationship fail. I heard it helps to imagine this enemy in the corner of our bedroom enjoying the drama of our conflict—all the while eating popcorn craving more by turning up the volume.

This demonstrates what is happening in the unseen world with the enemy of our souls. I certainly don’t want to entertain him!

The Bible instructs us…

“Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.”
‭‭James‬ ‭4‬:‭7‬ ‭ESV‬‬

This is a promise we can cling to when fights happen and we struggle to be the one to go first.

The only way we can fight fair is to submit ourselves to God. It is His work in us both that gives us the power to change.

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Welcome to our new followers. We are blessed to have you. May our posts be an encouragement and help for your marriage

Blessings,

Tom and Debi ❤️❤️

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Five Summer Date Nights

Posted on June 7, 2025 by Debi Walter

Summer doesn’t officially begin until June 20th, also known as Summer Solstice. But with our Florida heat, summer arrived here weeks ago!

This is a great time to plan special dates because time slows down a bit and with longer days the possibilities increase.

Date #1

On The Water – Tom and I love any date that includes water—kayaking, canoeing, tubing, floating on a river in a pontoon boat or soaking up the sun at the beach. We realize not everyone has access to these types of dates, but a picnic by a pond, pool or water fountain can be just as romantic. Make the picnic with bounty from the sea with flavored sparkling water. Some ideas: shrimp cocktail, tuna pasta salad, fish tacos or lobster rolls. Most seafood restaurants offer their food to-go which is a better option, if you don’t enjoy cooking seafood.

Date #2

Summer Solstice Date – This year Summer Solstice falls on June 20th at 10:41 p.m. This is the day when the sun is the highest in the sky and the day is the longest of the year. This means more time to do the things you love. This would be a great day to spend extended time together. Since it falls on a Friday you could even stay up extra late and get a babysitter. Here’s a prompt—do something you enjoyed doing when you were dating.

Date #3

Movie Date at home. Select a movie about long days—any Mission Impossible movie, 24 TV series starring Jack Bauer, Independence Day or the classic, Twister. These options were suspenseful when watched for the first time, but just as enjoyable when you know how the story ends.

Date #4

Cold Drinks and Apps – we love finding Happy Hours around town to enjoy a drink and a good appetizer. You can even plan this at home, if your budget is tight. Consider your favorite Mexican restaurant for chips and salsa with a frozen margarita. Or go to your favorite coffee shop for a pastry and a cold Frappuccino. Another is Loaded fries with a milkshake. All are great options!

Date #5

Ice Cream Sundae Fundae – it’s fun to go out for a waffle cone and sit outside watching people go by. But it’s just as fun to buy all the toppings you love along with you favorite ice cream and make it at home.

Whatever you do, make this summer one to remember.

It is a blessing to have someone ready to go on a date with you. Remember the weekends as a single when you didn’t have a date and wished for that special someone to go out with? Well, now you have a lifelong dating partner. Don’t let your “I Do’s” end the “I wills” of planning special dates.

Summer is the perfect time to turn up the heat of romance in your marriage. All it takes is time and a good plan.

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We are grateful you are here, and welcome to our new followers. We pray your marriage will continue to grow as you intentionally pursue each other—one conversation, one date at a time.

Blessings,

Tom and Debi ❤️❤️

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Foodie Fridays – Cherry Bourbon Crisp

Posted on June 5, 2025 by Debi Walter

Cherries are in season and they are one of Tom’s favorites. I was never a fan, but I’m learning to love them.

Tom found this recipe he wanted me to try. He even offered pit all the cherries for me—he is a great sous chef. It helped that we bought an OXO cherry pitter.

Our cherries were so large the cherry pitter missed some of the pits. I had to cut them all in half making sure we got all the pits. I found four!

Any way, this recipe is easy once the cherries are prepped. Make sure you buy a good quality vanilla ice cream. I searched the many options at Publix and found that Haagen Das ice cream boasts only 6 ingredients: cream, skim milk, cane sugar, egg yolks, ground vanilla beans, vanilla extract.

It is disappointing that any quality product costs a ridiculous amount of money. But I was willing to give Tom the best Cherry Crisp he’s ever had. Since he keeps talking about it, I think I succeeded.

If you would like to give this recipe a try, I found it on one of my favorite sites, Sally’s Baking Addiction.

Mix the cherry filling
Mix the topping and cut in butter
Put in 9” square pan
Enjoy!

This is a great dessert to welcome summer.

What ways are you planning to welcome the season?

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We are happy you stopped by our vineyard today. Did you know that we compiled book full of healthy marriage tips, Cherishing Us? There are over 365 tips to help you stay focused on loving your spouse well all year long!

We would love to give away a copy.

Simply comment on our blog or Facebook post telling us how long you have been married no later than Sunday, June 8th! We will do a drawing from all entries on Monday morning. Good luck!

Blessings,

Tom and Debi ❤️❤️

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Trusting God With Your Spouse’s Growth

Posted on June 4, 2025 by Debi Walter

We had the privilege of attending two weddings so far this year. Witnessing a new family being established under the covenant of marriage is something we don’t take lightly. Hearing the wedding vows are oftentimes over-the-top impossible to keep. Phrases like, “I will never go to sleep angry.” Or “I will never break your heart.”Ummm, yes you will!

When two sinners marry each other, sin will happen. It’s what we do with it that marks a healthy relationship.

When Tom and I got married we were young and very much in love. But there were things we didn’t know about the other. God knew as we innocently and sincerely said our vows, we would be severely tested in three years time. It was a very hard season for us.

I loved Tom, but didn’t understand some of the things with which he struggled. He was my best friend and the only one I could talk to about my struggle…with him.

I didn’t know it then, but this was the best thing for our marriage.

Through the struggles and heartache, our friendship and empathy for each other deepened. We witnessed God’s kindness to us even in our sinful struggles. The Gospel light in our marriage began to burn brighter.

While we were waiting for change, trusting God was all we had.

We have learned that sometimes God takes us to the very end of our abilities, so what remains is His ability!

“And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. And those whom he predestined he also called, and those whom he called he also justified, and those whom he justified he also glorified.” – Romans 8:28-30 ESV

What things are you struggling with as you wait for God to change your spouse?

This can be a make-it or break-it season in your marriage. We have discovered that leaning in to God is the safest place to rest when the weather in your marriage is unpredictable.

If He is the God who calms the sea, He can certainly calm the storm in your marriage. Do you have the faith to believe it? If not, ask Him. He is the Author AND finisher of your faith, as well as your spouse’s. And He is more committed to us changing for His glory, than we are.

If you are struggling waiting for your spouse to change, tell God. He has purposes for you, too as you wait. Only those who ask receive this benefit.

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We realize it is hard to read a post like this if you are struggling with an unrepentant spouse. We invite you to email us so we can pray for you. God sees and knows every detail of your marriage journey. We can confidently say, those who take God at His Word discover He is faithful to complete the work in your marriage. Do you believe it?

Blessings to every marriage reading this post,

Tom and Debi ❤️❤️

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Marriage Forecast

Posted on June 2, 2025 by Debi Walter

Summer has begun in Florida with temperatures already reaching to the mid-90’s. These temps usually encourage afternoon thunderstorms. The cool ocean breeze blows in from the east and collides with the warmer Gulf breezes coming from the west. The result is a spectacular display of God’s power. Lightning and thunder that is a spectacular show.

As a Florida native I love watching storms blow in. If you catch it right before it breaks, you can experience the strong winds and 20° temperature drop. The air is refreshing and such a welcomed contrast to the scorching heat.

Imagine if we could predict the forecast of our marriage…

“Tomorrow the chance of conflicts will increase causing a rise in temperatures. Be prepared to water yourself with Word of God to combat the scorching heat of adversity.”

…but we don’t get these kinds of warnings. Usually a storm blows in when we least expect it.

There are ways to help prevent thunderstorms from developing in the first place; Keep a short list of offenses.

If you try to overlook something your spouse said to you that hurt—it only works if you are able to forget about it. If you are still thinking about it the next day, you need to talk about it. And how you bring it up is just as crucial.

In our 46 years of marriage we’ve learned to say it like this… “Can we talk about something? Yesterday when you said “this” in front of our friends, it embarrassed me. I felt you were making fun of me.”

Now if you are the one who is hearing this, how you respond is just as important. If you blow it off as nothing, you’re only going to make it worse. If your spouse is feeling hurt it doesn’t matter if you meant to hurt them or not. The fact is you did, and their feelings are valid. Take the high road and apologize sincerely…

“I’m so sorry I embarrassed you like that. It wasn’t my intent to make you feel that way, but I see now how I did. Please forgive me. And if this happens again, which I hope it doesn’t, please tell me.”

The weather in marriage is just as unpredictable as it is in nature. Learning how to read the temperature accurately will go a long way in making your marriage strong to withstand whatever storms you may face.

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Welcome to our new followers. We are grateful you are here and hope we are an encouragement to your marriage.

Blessings,

Tom and Debi ❤️❤️

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Foodie Fridays – Italian Pasta Salad

Posted on May 30, 2025 by Debi Walter

Tom and I have been really sick the last two weeks. It has been a lot of waiting for this virus to take its course.

For a while I had no smell or taste—which is awful when you try to cook. I craved things with lots of flavor, even though the taste was muted it was still better than tasting nothing.

I realized I have never made a good Italian Pasta Salad. Challenge accepted.

All I had to do was prep and chop the ingredients, mix together and chill for at least 2 hours. It was delicious!

We loved it so much we keep eating it. And I’m happy to say my taste and smell are returning. Thank you Lord!!

Why not give this recipe a try for a family gathering this summer. It makes plenty and it is worth the effort.

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Thank you for stopping by. We pray you find encouragement for your marriage that helps you stay the course.

Have a blessed weekend,

Tom and Debi❤️❤️

Posted in Christian Marriage, Foodie Fridays | Tagged , , | 1 Comment

Remembering…

Posted on May 26, 2025 by Debi Walter
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Foodie Fridays – Rhubarb Spoon Cake

Posted on May 23, 2025 by Debi Walter

I love it when Tom finds a recipe he wants me to make. Recently he came upon this recipe from Erin French of The Lost Kitchen. I thought it would be like a cobbler, but it wasn’t. The cake was moist and dense, and spooned up like butter.

Tom loves strawberry rhubarb pie, but I’ve only attempted it once. The rhubarb can be watery and too tart for my liking. Finding the right balance of sweet to tart was too much work for me with no guarantee I’d like the result. So I haven’t tried it again.

When he found this I decided to give the rhubarb another chance. Besides I love Erin’s recipes, so there was hope.

Oh my goodness!

This is such a delicious dessert. I served it warm with fresh whipped cream and I see now why Tom loves it.

This recipe balances out the tart to sweet well. Do you like rhubarb? If so, what’s your favorite way to make it?

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We are so glad you stopped by today. We hope you’ll add us to your favorites and enjoy time in our vineyard.

Have a blessed weekend,

Tom and Debi ❤️❤️

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Vintage Post – Entering the Quiet—the Unbridled Tongue

Posted on May 21, 2025 by Debi Walter

Originally posted in 2012

I have always loved to talk–ask my family, ask my husband. It is something I enjoy doing. It wasn’t until the past few years though, when the Lord began arresting my attention in this area of my life. My words were unbridled for sure and full of pride.

This is the second theme Gary Thomas shares on entering the quiet:

II. A Bridled Tongue – A wagging tongue is proof of an overly busy mind. John Climacus saw talkativeness as the antithesis of spiritual depth and maturity. “Talkativeness is the throne of vainglory on which it loves to preen itself and show off. Talkativeness is a sign of ignorance, a doorway to slander, a leader of jesting, a servant of lies, the ruin of compunction, a summoner of despondency, a messenger of sleep, a dissipation of recollection, the end of vigilance, the cooling of zeal, the darkening of prayer. Intelligent silence is the mother of prayer, freedom from bondage, custodian of zeal, a guard on our thoughts.”

It is ironic that those who talk the most often pray the least, frequently giving the excuse that they simply have no time.

The mark of a spiritual man or woman is a listening heart, not a lecturing tongue.

Wow. That quote says it all, and requires one to meditate long and hard on each point.

Do you or your spouse enjoy talking excessively? 

I know this can be a touchy subject, especially if you’re the one who talks the most.

But if cultivating a quiet heart before the Lord is a priority in your life, then this subject cannot go unaddressed. God will not allow it. His still small voice cannot be heard by one who never stops long enough to listen.

I remember a season in my life when God did an amazing work in my heart. I had been away on a personal retreat. I saw things I had never seen before in my heart that needed to change. I was repentant and sincerely wanted to change. The day I was to head back home I heard God clearly speak to my heart that He didn’t want me to share any of what had happened that week with anyone else, including Tom, until He told me I could.

“What?! You mean I can’t even tell Tom?”

I was sure I had heard God because I would have never had this thought on my own. <sigh>

A sad fact, indeed. I thought Tom would press me to tell him more, but when I shared what I thought I heard God say he just smiled. He knew it was God too. <sigh, again>

I don’t remember now how long it was before I was able to tell Tom the whole story, but the point I learned was how intimate our time alone with God is. He doesn’t want us to speak of it casually. That would be likened to us speaking freely about our intimate times with our spouse with others. Just because we can doesn’t mean we should. I’ve learned to guard what happens during my quiet times with the Lord, and treat it as special as it really is.

Why not plan some time to sit down together and discuss the 11 definitions Climacus lists of talkativeness in the quote above? It may open your eyes to see things you haven’t seen before in this area of your life and marriage. 

The mark of a spiritual man or woman is a listening heart, not a lecturing tongue. – Gary Thomas

“In the multitude of words sin is not lacking, but he who restrains his lips is wise.” Proverbs 10:19 NKJV

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Vintage Post – Cultivating the Quiet in Your Marriage

Posted on May 19, 2025 by Debi Walter

Originally posted in 2012.

A timely reminder

This week we are delving into the depths of cultivating the quiet in our minds, hearts and marriages. It may be something you’ve thought about often, or you may be venturing into unknown territory. Whatever the case, we believe this is the direction God is leading us to post about, and we are praying for you, that God will help you in this endeavor as He has helped us this past month.

We are purposing to post only three times this week and next to give us time to meditate on the Truths of this series. Our hope is that by us slowing down our posts it will help you slow down as well and hear what God is saying to you and your marriage.

Have you ever taken notice of the Sovereignty of God in the smallest of decisions you make?

For instance, before we came away this month the Lord led me to read Gary Thomas’ book, Seeking The Face Of God. I (Debi), finished right before we hit the road to come North, but I was compelled to bring it with me in case I wanted to refer to it. I’m so glad I did.

The sixth chapter is on Cultivating the Quiet, and reading it again here in this quiet place, helped us realize how easy it is to miss what God wants to say to us at any given time. We are simply too distracted to hear Him without purposing to quiet our hearts before Him.

Consider the following from pg. 104 of the book:

In Exodus 24, we’re told that Moses went up on a mountain to meet God and a cloud immediately covered the mount. “For six days the cloud covered the mountain and on the seventh day the Lord called to Moses…” (vs. 16)

Moses sat and waited on that mountain for six days before God started to speak to him. Six days! When I sit down to pray with God and wait for six minutes I get proud of myself. All too often it’s “All right God, let’s get going, I’m a busy man. I have things to do.”

Moses was willing to sit silently for six days!

And what about the people of Israel? “When the people saw that Moses was so long in coming down the mountain, they gathered around Aaron and said, “Come, make us gods who will go before us’” (32:1).

What’s so sad about this passage is that the Israelites were swept into idolatry by a motivation no more noble or severe than boredom. They were bored! And that was enough to turn them to false gods. They simply got tired of waiting.

The same is true today. Ask us to give money and we’ll write a check. Ask us to show up for a demonstration or special church service and we’re there. Ask us to give up something and we’ll sacrifice. Ask us to face boredom, and we turn on the T.V., pick up the newspaper, or tune in the radio. Please don’t ask us to be bored.”

The contrast here couldn’t be more stunning. Moses waited on God for 6 days without distraction and the Lord caused His glory to pass before him. The Israelites in their waiting began to grumble and complain and then demanded action from Aaron. In 6 short days their hearts turned completely to idols. They were no longer bored, but this choice led them away from God, not towards Him. Moses on the other hand embraced the boredom and waited to see God. And he was not disappointed.

There are many times in marriage where we are forced to wait. 

  • When you are expecting a baby. There is no shortcut to birth. You have to wait out the time God has allotted for new life to enter your family.
  • When there is a job loss. This one can be quite challenging because you must stay focused on finding that job.
  • When you are raising small children. The time and effort required in this season can make your marriage seem like less of a priority.
  • When there is physical sickness or a chronic condition. There are times in marriage when physical intimacy just isn’t possible. You have to wait for healing or strength to return.
  • When caring for aging parents. The urgency in this season and the unexpected nature of being available all hours of the day and night make this a time where one spouse may have to wait for a long time for the other to be available to them.

These are just a few that come to mind.

Are you in the place of waiting? Are you having to wait on your spouse because of a situation like those listed above? Is the waiting helping you draw closer to God or are you grumbling and complaining? What things are tempting you to fill your time as you wait? Does your spouse know of the struggle you’re facing?

Don’t neglect the gift you have in your relationship with your spouse. 

You are one flesh and you both should work as a team to hear what God is saying about your current situation. He will speak, the question is will you hear Him when He does, or will you be distracted?  

Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will hear you. You will seek Me and find Me, when you seek Me with all your heart.  Jeremiah 29:12-13 ESV

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Foodie Fridays – Tuscan Shrimp Pasta

Posted on May 16, 2025 by Debi Walter

A few years ago Tom and I went on Whole 30 diet to figure out what foods were causing me trouble. He is amazing in how he’ll go out of his way to curb his appetite to help me when needed.

We weren’t expecting to find a recipe that would become a new favorite. Tuscan Shrimp is one of those recipes too good to file away.

I tweaked a few of the ingredients that make it no longer Whole 30 compliant, but I had to keep the coconut cream for the rich, decadent sauce.

40 Aprons is the source for this recipe. I used butter for the ghee, corn starch for the arrow root and Parmesan cheese for the nutritional yeast. Also I tossed it with bucatini pasta instead of the cauliflower rice. You can choose to make it either way—both are delicious options.

We had friends over last night, and this dish was a hit. We hope you’ll make the time to try this yourself. It may become your new favorite too.

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Welcome to our new followers. Words can’t describe what a privilege it is for us to encourage you in your marriage. We all need help and we don’t take this opportunity lightly. From Date Night ideas, to good food to enjoy together, to finding biblical encouragement for rough seasons, we are committed to helping your marriage continue to grow and thrive here in our vineyard.

Have a blessed weekend,

Tom and Debi ❤️❤️

Posted in Christian Marriage, Foodie Fridays | Tagged , , , | 3 Comments

On A Roll

Posted on May 14, 2025 by Debi Walter

Have you ever accomplished something together that makes you happier than you expected it would?

We did a few days ago.

The goal started in 2019. We had set aside time to clean out and organize our garage. But then a wave of adversity hit in our family that didn’t let up for years. When we had the time, we didn’t have the energy to do the work this project required. When we had the energy we didn’t have the time. And honestly when we had both, we lacked the motivation. {{sigh}}

I realized getting this job started was the key to actually doing it. So one day while Tom was doing errands, I started pulling everything out of the garage into the driveway. By the time he came home there was no turning back. We got 2/3s of the work done that day.

We disposed of bags and bags of garbage. Found many memories hidden in boxes of photographs. We donated probably four carloads to our local sharing center. The most rewarding was finally finding where to dispose of our 25+ cans of paint.

We completed the job earlier this month. Now every time we pull into the garage it almost makes us sing! The job wasn’t as hard as we thought it would be and the rewards of a job well-done makes us wish we had done this sooner.

Six years have passed since we put this on our to-do list, and I’m happy to say we have finally finished the job!

After our new sod was installed last month, we were on a roll. Grateful to be able to work together on big projects like these; this same kind of work is required for keeping a marriage strong.

Do the hard things, start the conversation, say you’re sorry, confess your sins, forgive when necessary, pray together, join a strong local church if you haven’t, and let others in to your lives. This is how a marriage goes from being piled with clutter and unnecessary things to a marriage that brings happiness and joy to you and those who know you. Most of all it glorifies God as He is the One who makes this kind of marriage possible.

When was the last time you both got on a roll doing necessary things?

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Thanks for stopping by today. We pray you find ways to make your marriage stronger get day after day.

It is worth the effort!

Blessings,

Tom and Debi ❤️❤️

Posted in Christian Marriage, Growing Strong Marriages, Keeping It Real, Priorities | Tagged , , , | 3 Comments

Life is Hard, But God is Good

Posted on May 12, 2025 by Debi Walter

Years ago when our kids were teenagers and still at home, a song by this title was released. It resonated with me because raising teens was the hardest thing I had yet to encounter.

The Lord brought this song to my mind tonight. Reading the lyrics I realize how much this song was preparing me for the “not yet” of my story. Following are the lyrics:

Life Is Hard, But God Is Good

You turn the key
Then close the door behind you
Drop your bags on the floor
You reach for the light
But there’s darkness deep inside
And you can’t take it anymore

‘Cause sometimes living takes the life out of you
And sometimes living is all you can do

Life is hard, the world is cold
We’re barely young and then we’re old
But every falling tear is always understood
Yes, life is hard, but God is good

You start to cry
‘Cause you’ve been strong for so long
And that’s not how you feel
You try to pray
But there’s nothing left to say
So you just quietly kneel

In the silence of all that you face
God will give you His mercy and grace

Jesus never said
It was an easy road to travel
He only said that you would never be alone
So when your last thread of hope
Begins to come unraveled
Don’t give up, He walks beside you
On this journey home and He knows

Life is hard, the world is cold
We’re barely young and then we’re old
But every falling tear is always understood
Yes, life is hard, but God is good

Source: LyricFind

Songwriters: Joel Lindsey / Pam Thum

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Reading these now 30 years later the truth of this song is a comfort, not a dirge.

When I was young it was scary to look too far down the path of life. Letting go of my babies as they became teens was hard. Letting go of high schoolers to college or career was hard. Letting go of them living at home to be married or live on their own was hard.

Then comes retirement and adjusting to being with your spouse all day everyday. This wasn’t hard for us, just a new normal. But many couples find it so hard their marriage doesn’t survive the change.

Why bring this up on a Monday as you’re starting a new week? We need to anticipate the changes to come in marriage. If we don’t we’re won’t be ready when they come.

Tom and I have weathered many changes in our marriage. Honestly there were times we didn’t like the hard. But God has been oh so very good to us. We just had to make it through the hard to uncover the good.

Today you may be facing a hard season you never expected. May I say you aren’t alone? Marriage is hard work and each season brings new hard to the door of your home. Those who desire to grow their marriage for God’s glory are willing to face hard times together. Most would never choose the hard God has chosen for us, but once it passes we wouldn’t change what we learned for any amount of money.

Our story is valuable. Do you see it that way? How has the enemy succeeded in making you ashamed of your story? Don’t let the hard you’ve experienced hide the goodness of God. He has been with you every step, faithfully completing the work He has begun in you and in your marriage.

Let Him have His way and trust Him with when and where you’ll tell others what you’ve learned.

Life is hard! But never forget that God is good—always good.

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Thank you for being a part of our vineyard. We would love to hear how God has helped you through hard times. Let the comments section be your practice ground for telling your story.

Have a blessed week,

Tom and Debi ❤️❤️

Posted in Aging, Christian Marriage, Keeping It Real, Music, Perspective in Marriage, Seasons of Life | Tagged , , , , | 3 Comments