On Monday we talked about treating your spouse well above all else. Today we want to share some ideas to help you keep the motivation going. Pick one a week for the next few weeks without telling your spouse. Let them notice the special attention. This will be fun!
Organize a sock or underwear drawer.
Leave a love note or funny meme somewhere that will surprise them to find.
Pay attention to small requests and do it immediately e.g. “I’ve got a sweet tooth.” If possible make them something or order Uber delivery.
Mail your spouse a card with a gift card in it to their favorite fast food or coffee shop.
Compliment your spouse when with friends.
Never underestimate the joy of a spontaneous shoulder/foot massage or back scratching session.
Give them a lasting kiss when they least expect it.
Write out a prayer for them that shows how you are taking their concerns to the Lord and give it to them when they need the encouragement.
Your turn____________________________.
Add your ideas to the list in the comments. Let’s take the Dog Days of Summer to intentionally nurture our marriage.
“A word in season, how good it is.” Proverbs 15:23b ESV
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That’s all for today. If we purpose to do these small acts of encouragement imagine the effect it will have in our homes. This is our prayer for you today.
When life gets busy, priorities often suffer. That’s when we need the Word of God to bring clarity and correction to our marriage.
Colossians 3:14 says,
“And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.”
How are you doing in showing love to your spouse? It shows itself in the little things we do like, making coffee or running an errand without being asked. These small acts of love are most important because they go unseen by others. It is a special bond that strengthens our marriage and brings peaceful unity.
Do you believe this? This scripture is written as a promise. And promises are meant to be held onto, but it starts with me.
How can I treat my spouse today “above all”?
I can’t answer that question for you, but God can!
If you are serious about taking the next step in making your marriage the priority it deserves, then pray this prayer:
Father, thank you for my spouse and the years we have shared together. I realize that there are many ways I miss giving my spouse the priority they deserve. Will you open my eyes to see these areas where I can show them how much they mean to me? I need your help to make our marriage strong and “above all” in my life.
Thank you for giving me the desire to take the next step in growing my marriage to look more like you, Jesus, and your love for the church.
In your precious name I pray, Amen.
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We always want to take this time to welcome our new followers. You are special to us because you are purposing to make your marriage a priority. That is a gift born by the Holy Spirit. We thank God for you!
We took a spontaneous trip to the High Country of North Carolina to escape the extreme August heat in Florida. When you’re retired you can do this!
There is no way we can choose just one dish, so we decided to share photos of our favorites. I have new inspiration for recipes to try at home now—can’t wait!
Bourbon Burger with caramelized onions and jalapeños Crab clawsChicken Quesadilla Beautiful MargaritaSalted hot-buttered rollsHokkaido Scallops with romescoCrab and Lobster bisque with Parmesan foam Halibut Veal Sugo with ricotta gnocchi Blueberry muffin with blackberry ice creamFresh peaches with bourbon granola and vanilla ice creamCurry Up pieCheese Steak pieCucumber and Tomato saladButter finger ice creamCorn salsa and pepper jack cheese nachos
What a wonderful and rested time we’ve had away. When was the last time you were able to pull away and relax together. It only happens if you plan it as a priority.
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We are grateful that you would take the time to visit our vineyard. We hope our posts help your marriage flourish for God’s glory alone.
On Monday’s post I shared about the plans we expect vs. what we’re given. It has been a week of asking God to help me see what He gives as a blessing, rather than a disappointment. When I complain about my disappointments, I usually miss what God may be trying to teach me.
So I started asking.
As we were driving out of the cloud to lower elevation I noticed how the clouds softened the hard scapes around me. Rough tree trunks looked soft like suede. Crinkled leaves looked like wispy feathers dancing in the breeze. The ground below looked like cushioned carpet. All the colors were muted with gray undertones. It was beautiful.
For the first time, instead of looking at the fog I looked through it to see what was before me. Nothing had changed except how I was seeing it.
Fog happens in marriage.
This made me think of times when my view of a conflict was muted. I didn’t see clearly what was in front of me because I was focused on the fog.
Fog softens hard things, but it can also hide what is real in front of you. Ask God to help you see the hard places through the softer lens fog provides, but don’t focus on the fog or it may ruin not only your view but your day.
When God appeared to Moses on Mt. Sinai He came in a thick cloud. His presence was veiled, but His power was clear. This account helps me thank God for His presence no matter the weather. He is with me and if I choose to thank Him for it instead of complaining I may like Moses, see God. He is enough!
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Welcome to our new followers. We count it a privilege to have you join us in making our marriage vineyards fruitful for a lifetime.
We’ve all been there; we have great expectations for a date, a vacation, a party or even weather. And when the time comes it is “less than”.
This summer Tom and I had great expectations for time away in New England. We wanted a break from the Florida heat. Instead, we took the heat with us!
Vermont and Maine had a 70 year record-breaking heat wave. We couldn’t help but think we had brought it with us. We still made the most of our time, but if we are honest, it was disappointing.
What do we do with these set backs? We thank God!
You heard that right. It glorifies God when we thank Him for what’s given over what is expected.
As I write this we are possibly facing another disappointment, so this is more a reminder for us than it may be for you.
Whatever expectations you may have right now—offer them to God in humble surrender. Ultimately we want His will over ours. And these momentary afflictions are creating a way for us to glorify Him in ways we might never choose.
We are away this week, and we will see if this time goes as we hoped or if God chooses something better. Either way we win.
Current view
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Thank you for continually visiting our vineyard. We are grateful for your desire to make the most of the time you’ve been given as husband and wife. Everyday is an adventure whether expected or not!
Fried rice is a favorite of mine because it uses up leftovers in a fresh way. And there is no limit to the varieties you can make.
Last week Tom was making chicken wings and fried rice seemed the perfect side. The only problem—I didn’t have any leftover rice. So I made some and cooked it. Then I placed it on a cookie sheet lined with parchment paper and placed in the freezer for 15 minutes.
While the rice was chilling, I prepped the other ingredients by dicing them: white onions, green onions, garlic, jalapeños, carrots and celery. I also had leftover green peas to add as well as chopped parsley for a garnish.
It turned out better than I remembered. I must make this more often—it’s that good! If you would like to try it you’ll find the recipe on the Gimme Some Oven website.
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Welcome to our new followers. We hope you’ll be encouraged in your marriage as well as inspired in the kitchen. We are foodies who love to cook and eat! And we love sharing what we love with you. Thanks for stopping by.
Hump Day is hump day! Let your imagination prompt you!
Grateful that there is only one who can fulfill all the longings of your heart—spirit, soul and body. God has joined you as one…enjoy the gift of oneness.
This past week was our last community group meeting for the summer. Our church has groups that meet for three months and then takes one off. August is an “off” month.
Our CG leader decided to have us spend this last night sharing encouragements with each other. We had no particular order, but by the end of the evening the goal was for everyone to be filled with encouragement—hearing about qualities others see in you.
It was a good exercise, as it says in Hebrews:
“But exhort [encourage] one another every day, as long as it is called “today,” that none of you may be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin.” Hebrews 3:13 ESV (emphasis mine)
This leads to a challenge we want to make, that is if you and your spouse are up for it.
Plan a date night either at home, a quiet park, a coffee shop or any place where you aren’t distracted. The purpose is to encourage each other sincerely with things you love and appreciate about your spouse. So often we think these things, but never purpose to say them. Let’s change that!
Your marriage will benefit from encouragement, as flowers do that are well-watered.
Here are some questions to get you started:
What is something your spouse does regularly that makes your life easier?
What is something they do that makes you laugh?
What do you admire most about your spouse, think character qualities.
What strengths does your spouse have that you depend on?
We pray this starts a new practice in all of our relationships, one where we build each other up on a regular basis.
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We can’t express how much it encourages us that you take the time to read, like and comment here. It represents your desire to have a healthy marriage—and this is our greatest desire.
We want to see marriages strengthened to glorify God. It is the one relationship that mirrors Christ and His love for the church!
Imagine living in a house that had one door you never opened; one room ignored. It is avoided because neither spouse wants to go there. Instead both go the long way around it as they live their days together. The thought of going through that door would open up a mess they aren’t willing to see, much less clean. But it would also open up more space in which to enjoy life together.
There is one question, when asked sincerely, opens up a door of conversation you either really need to have to help your marriage heal, or to confirm your marriage is in a good place and healthy. You won’t know unless you open the door.
First, you must ask yourself, “Do I really want to know the answer?” Humility is required in order to answer “yes.” This makes it possible to hear your spouse’s heart, even if they share a perspective you may not see nor agree with.
Okay, so what’s the big question?
When you share an observation about me or our relationship, do you feel heard or do you feel disregarded?
Disregard means to pay no attention to it, to ignore it, or to treat it as unimportant or unworthy of consideration.
If they answer that they feel disregarded, you have work to do. Your spouse should never feel invisible. Ask them for examples of when this happens, not in a defensive way, but sincerely. The goal is to come to a place of mutual understanding.
It isn’t always easy to get there. But anything worth having is worth doing hard things and having difficult conversations.
Marriages grow as the years pass for those who are willing to lean in and dig deeper rather than pull away. If you dig in and insist you are right, your marriage will suffer.
We pray we all will continue to lean in. Tom and I can testify that a healthy marriage is worth opening those scary doors of communication.
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Welcome to our vineyard. We hope you are encouraged to continue pursuing your spouse as you did when you were dating. This is why we do what we do. Click here for date night ideas.
We had a conversation with a young husband and father whom we have known since he was born. It was one of those talks where both of us were being encouraged; we were encouraging him with the gift God has given him and the numerous ways he has been faithful with it; and he was encouraging us for sharing our life’s history with honesty and humility.
Even though he was alive for much of the stories we shared, he was a child. Now as an adult, it was as if he was hearing it for the first time.
But yesterday he said something that made us ask him to say it again. It was a quote from Yoda, of Star Wars fame.
“Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.”
He used it as an example of how it has transformed his marriage and parenting. He said recently he was angry with his kids, and it seemed a good reason. But then he asked himself, “What am I afraid of?” He realized he was afraid they would get hurt. It opened up an honest conversation with his teens that gave him a chance to repent, but also for them to understand the heart of their father’s love.
Powerful, this is! As Yoda would say in his unique way.
We share this to help us name our anger when conflicts arise. If it started from fear there is more to be discovered than just anger. This is how we grow in our understanding of what motivates arguments, which leads to understanding, which leads to more intimacy.
On the Goalcast website I found this quote interesting…
“Inspiration doesn’t always have to come from real-life people. We often find ourselves inspired by characters that live in the realms of the books we read, the movies we watch, the games we play…
“And while our beloved characters may have stemmed from their author’s vision, they are often anchored in real-life experiences and bear the wisdom of the person that served as inspiration for the character. Most great stories have a message that transcends into real life, passing on valuable lessons from complex and wise characters. Who better than Yoda to stand as proof of that?”
Have you ever thought of naming your anger to see from where it stems? It may just help take your marriage to a deeper level of intimacy.
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We love good food, so you can imagine how excited we were to travel to New England. We had visions of lobster this and lobster that, but unfortunately the food left us wanting. We don’t know if it was us or the restaurants we chose. Either way we were disappointed.
When we got home we couldn’t wait to enjoy our own home cooking. And that’s what we did for an entire week!
This new recipe may just become a favorite summer meal.
I made the salsa the night before just to make it easier.
This recipe came together quickly. It was filling and refreshing with all the cool, sweet and spicy flavors competing for your palates attention. it worked and we loved it!
If you’d like to try the Salmon tacos, here’s the link. Also we added a cilantro lime crema to top it off. So so worth the time making it.
Taco sauce (cilantro-lime crema)
⅓ cup Greek yogurt
¼ cup mayonnaise
2 tablespoons Dijon mustard
1 tablespoon Sriracha
1 lime medium size, freshly squeezed
½ bunch fresh cilantro chopped
What are your favorite summer dishes?
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Thanks for stopping by. We value your time and find it humbling that you would spend it visiting and reading our posts. Thank you! We pray God blesses your marriage in surprising ways! Have a wonderful weekend!
Let’s face it, this isn’t an easy task in any season of marriage. Emotions differ from day-to-day, and if there is no intentional plans to stay connected, drift will happen.
Drift is slow movement with no control of direction.
Hardly a good practice for a healthy marriage. Also, it’s been said that “to drift is to go downstream.”
Three Ways to Stay Connected
1. Connection requires time without distractions.
This has to include no screens, the biggest deterrent in my opinion. Before your time together, think of one or two open-ended questions to get your minds thinking. This way you will both be ready to talk about something other than kids, work, church or school. Really—you do have other things in common. It is why you got married in the first place. The key is to zone in on that level like you did when you were dating. Here is an example, “What one aspect or thing in your life are you most encouraged about or thankful for right now?”
2. Connection requires honesty.
We all have areas that are considered hot topics. We are afraid to “go there” for fear of ruining the night. But could this possibly be a ploy of the enemy to keep us from moving forward in understanding and forgiveness? I believe this is a high probability! How do we go there without having the same results? I would suggest praying together first asking God to help you have this hard conversation. If being heard or understood is a problem, try writing out your feelings on the topic. Have your spouse do the same and then read them aloud to each other. No interruptions are allowed either. If you don’t understand what they said or why they feel that way, ask more questions. Sadly, most of us assume we know the answers before we ask. This isn’t a fair way to treat the one person who is your closest friend in life—or at least should be.
3. Connection requires a willingness to admit you are wrong and also a willingness to change when needed.
Nothing shuts your emotional connection down more than one spouse blaming the other for everything wrong in the marriage! This requires humility where the grace of God floods your relationship with His power to see things you have never seen before.
“God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble.” James 4:6
If this is a struggle for you, you may not realize it. Those who aren’t humble often think they are. Pride puffs up and makes us feel confident in areas where we should repent. I, (Debi), lived this way for far too long. Change came when God had me read Andrew Murray’s little book titled, “Humility”. It was the most painful and beautiful season of our marriage.
We pray these points help you on your continued journey toward connection or helps to get you back on track.
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Welcome to our new followers and thank you to those who have hung around for years. We are grateful to have you in our vineyard. We would love to hear comments too. It’s the only way we know if what we are sharing is helpful.
Marriage isn’t always what we pictured on our wedding day. Some seasons feel more like dry, cracked ground—where misunderstandings pile up, hearts grow distant, and love feels like a duty, not a delight.
I’ve been there. And if you’re honest, maybe you have too.
But here’s the truth I’ve learned:
Fighting for your marriage when love feels hard isn’t about trying harder—it’s about surrendering deeper.
Love Was Never Meant to Be Fueled by Feelings Alone
Feelings come and go. God designed marriage to be rooted in covenant, not convenience. When emotions fade, it doesn’t mean the love is gone—it means it’s time to lean on something (or Someone) stronger than ourselves.
“We love because He first loved us.” —1 John 4:19
Prayer: The Quiet Battle That Changes Everything
There were times I wanted to fix my husband—times I thought if he would just change, things would get better. But God whispered something different:
“Let Me change you first.”
When I started praying—not just for him, but for my own heart—something shifted. Resentment softened. Hope returned. And slowly, love rekindled.
Simple Prayer to Start:
“Lord, teach me to love my spouse the way You love me. Heal what’s hurting, soften what’s hard, and help me fight for us with Your strength.”
You Are Not Alone in This Fight
The enemy wants you to believe you’re the only one struggling. You’re not. Every lasting marriage walks through hard seasons. But the ones that survive—and even thrive—are the ones where at least one spouse says,
“I won’t give up.”
And often, that one spouse becomes the spark God uses to breathe life back into the marriage.
Take One Small Step Today
Pray before you speak.
Speak one kind word.
Ask God to bless your spouse.
Choose forgiveness, even if it’s silent.
Small steps make big changes over time.
If you’re in a hard place, don’t lose heart. The same God who turned water into wine can revive love where it feels dry. Keep fighting—not with harsh words, but with a surrendered heart.
You’re not fighting alone. And the harvest of love is worth it.
“Let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.” —Galatians 6:9
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Welcome to our new followers. We pray our posts help you make the most of your marriage—as long as you both shall live.
My heart has been grieving for the families devastated by the flood that swept their loved ones away. In an hour’s time, those who were are no more. My heart breaks for the loss of those I’ve never met, because God created each one and knows them each by name.
Couples who had this many children are grieving the ones missing at their table tonight. I cannot imagine their pain. But I know the One who can.
This morning as I awoke hearing a higher total of those who have died, this song came to mind. I wasn’t even sure if the lyrics would be helpful—until I listened.
I pray this song will turn grieving hearts to the only One who understands such loss. Our Father willingly gave His only Son, so we could have hope; a hope which enables us to say, “Goodbye’s not the end.”
Pray with us for all those grieving as we weep with those who weep. We are grateful to say we are not without hope. Our confidence is this,
“The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.” Psalm 34:18 ESV
The following was first published in February 2019. I am often tempted to let my past influence my present. Maybe you can relate…
Did you know that if you are a Christian your past sins no longer define you? You are a new creation! If this is true, which I believe it is–why do we live as if our sin is who we are? I hear people say, “I’m lazy!” or “I’m no good!” or “I’m an idiot!” Our words have power to speak life or death and these words are not life giving!
I remember a season when I disqualified myself from helping other young moms because I felt all I had to offer them was a bad example. What I was really doing was allowing my sin to silence God’s grace in my life. We are all imperfect sinners saved by the grace and mercy of God. We can boast in our weaknesses and failures because of what Christ has done!
Am I perfect? Absolutely not! But I am His and that makes all the difference. If God sees me in Christ, shouldn’t I?
So many times I see the look of defeat and discouragement on faces. It can be men, women, or couples. They are listening to the wrong voice. Our sin has a remedy and it is found in the cross of Jesus Christ. He nailed everyone of them there on that dark day in history. Who are we to take it back down and lament what has already been crucified?
Are you discouraged today in your marriage? Does it seem as if the same besetting sins are having their way with you and/or your spouse? Then I encourage you to repent if needed. But if you are being tormented by the accuser who constantly reminds you of the past, then stand tall and declare you are no longer bound by that sin! You are beautifully bought with the precious blood of Christ.
If it seems too much to unpack yourself, then seek help. Don’t delay. Your life and marriage is too precious to waste it wallowing in self-pity and despair.
I realize that if you are not a Christian, this post can be confusing. That is not in my heart for you. If you would like to know more about being free from the past and its failures please email me.
“He whom the Son sets free is free indeed!” – John 8:36
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We are arriving home tonight from our 3 week, 7 state journey. While we have made a lot of memories, took hundreds of photos and ate a lot of food, we are ready to be home. Thank you for visiting us today.
I know we told you we were going to be away for a couple of weeks, and we are. But today something happened that is on the level of lifetime dreams for me (Debi). Tom and I both wanted to share it with you in this special Foodie Friday edition.
Back in the day when newspaper publications were our only source of news, they would come out with “Special Editions” for breaking news. Today’s post deserves the “special edition” category.
Being foodies, we love cooking shows. When The Lost Kitchen first aired in January of 2021, I fell in love with Erin French’s concept to love people by the food she made. She exudes hospitality, which is what motivates my love for inviting friends into our home for good food and conversation around our table. Reading her book, Finding Freedom, made me love her even more. She has survived so much adversity in her life and ended up succeeding beyond her wildest dreams!
In order to eat at her table, each year I have mailed a post card to Freedom, Maine, hoping for my card to be drawn for a reservation at The Lost Kitchen. With her popularity on Magnolia Network, the odds of getting a reservation was quite slim.
When Tom and I planned this trip to New England, I expressed my desire to go to Freedom and see her place. I didn’t need to eat her food—I have both of her cookbooks and can make anything I want—I just wanted to see The Mill. I was thrilled to see that they were hosting a Farmer’s Market the day we were planning to go.
So despite the 70 year breaking heat wave in New England, we set our GPS for The Lost Kitchen. Although the heat was extremely disappointing, we grew more excited with each mile.
When we finally got there, we didn’t see a farmer’s market. We walked up to the Mill and discovered to our surprise, lunch was being served!
We ordered the organic fried chicken and strawberry shortcake, all the while watching Erin do her magic in her little kitchen.
Even though the heat index was over 100°, eating hot chicken outside, overlooking the mill pond was a dream come true. I met Erin and she allowed me to take a photo of us; my heart was full!
As we headed towards our car, we saw Erin’s husband, Michael, coming up the driveway. He stopped and chatted with us about the scorching heat. Such a kind man whom I respect for the way he loves Erin.
Finally we chatted with the a guy selling cheeses by the road. He is the one who revealed the miracle of this day. I asked why there was no Farmer’s Market. He explained it was canceled due to the extreme temps. Erin decided to do a pop-up lunch instead!
So the heat Tom and I had been complaining about all week, was actually securing for me a dream come true. What a God we serve who orchestrates such plans.
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Thank you for stopping by today. We pray this story inspires you to look for God’s blessings in the midst of hard things. His plans for us are always good. This is a promise worth clinging to!
Today marks the start of our summer vacation and 47 years since our first date. We are excited for the time away and wanted to let you know why our posts will be absent until July.
We encourage you to take advantage of our Date Night Questions or our Date Night Ideas to help you plan some fun this summer.
We will be sharing some photos on our IG account of places and meals we have enjoyed on this trip. Follow us if you aren’t already @theromanticvineyard.
Time to relax and reset is vital for a healthy marriage—this is our time. We’d love to hear your summer plans.
Yesterday was Father’s Day. I planned a dinner for the dads in our life who live close. Our table was full—twelve souls gathered to delight in the gift of good fathers who love well.
The meal was simple, but one of Tom’s favorites—grilled flank steak salad and fresh baked bread. We started with a shrimp appetizer too. But the highlight of the day was the bourbon cherry pie ala mode.
My son-in-love’s brother never liked pie, but one bite of this and all that changed. His response was delightful!
Moments where I witness someone fully enjoy something I’ve made are what fuels my love for cooking and baking. It’s like a special gift, not bought with money but made by hand.
God also delights to give us delicious food. It is found in His Word where we taste and see that He is good; better than the richest of foods.
Father’s Day is the perfect time to get to know Him, our Heavenly Father, on a deeper level.
Having a husband who has excelled in loving, leading and caring for our family all these years is a gift I don’t take lightly. I wanted to give him a card that expressed what things I love about HIM, instead of one that says how he makes ME feel. The latter seems self-focused. I found the perfect one, and as I watched him slowly read it with tears in his eyes, I realized it was worth the price of the card.
I’m basking in the joy of yesterday. Grateful for the gift of the fathers I am blessed to know and love.
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We are grateful you have taken the time to read our post today. How was your Father’s Day? Was it one of joy or pain? Basking or regret? Whichever it was for you, God, the Father, is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow. He couldn’t love you anymore than He already does. This is a love worth basking in for all eternity!
Our grocery store has ham steaks on BOGO this week, so I put them in the cart not sure what I would do with them. At any rate, I knew it would be a quick dinner to prepare during a busy week.
I did a Google search for “ham steak recipes”, and found this quick and delicious one by BudgetBytes.com
It was so easy, I may keep these on hand for nights when I don’t know what to cook.
The only change I made was suggested in the reviews. The glaze was thick, so I splashed a little bourbon in the pan and let it cook down. It added just the right consistency.
I baked sweet potatoes and some veggies to go with it and dinner was ready in no time.
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This Sunday is Father’s Day and we have a nice meal planned for all the dad’s in our family. We will miss our son and his family, but have a trip scheduled with them next week in NYC. It will be a fun, family-filled week for us.
There is nothing that mirrors the love of God for us as a father’s love for His children. It is a high calling, but God supplies the grace needed for men to love their children the way God loves us.
Happy Father’s Day to all who are dads. May the Lord remind you of His faithfulness to you and your family.
* Some are silent fighters—the cold shoulder is their weapon of choice.
* Some are score keepers—their weapon of choice is a list of wrongs suffered.
* Some are angry—their weapon of choice is their words.
* Some are blame shifters—their weapon of choice is accusations.
* Finally, some are peace fakers—their weapon of choice is denial.
Every marriage fights in one way or another, but learning how to fight fair is essential for a healthy marriage.
Each type of fighter mentioned above could be its own blog post. But the focus of this post is how to fight fair, regardless of your fighting style.
All fighting happens because you or your spouse aren’t getting what you want.
“What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you? You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. You do not have, because you do not ask. You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions.” James 4:1-3 ESV
Fights will happen, but they don’t have to last. What’s required is the ability to say what upset you without upsetting your spouse. If you don’t do this, you will only complicate the disagreement.
Tom has always said, “Purpose to lower your voice to keep your emotions at bay.” We all have a tendency to raise our voices, thinking we are gaining the upper hand. But really we’re only giving vent to unbridled anger.
“A soft answer turns away wrath.”
Proverbs 15:1 ESV
Another way to diffuse a fight is to ask questions, instead of making assumptions. We may know what happened, but the why isn’t known unless you are both willing to be honest with each other.
The last tip we learned from Gary Thomas in his book, Cherish. He says we have a choice to either treat our spouse like an attorney to prove them guilty whatever it takes! Or to treat them like a physician where we are willing to work together to find the issue. The former is pointing fingers, the latter is holding hands.
The most valuable lesson I learned during our first major conflict was that we aren’t enemies, we are on the same team fighting the same enemy.
I remember a picture I heard that changed my perspective on what’s behind all marital conflicts.
As Christians who are married, we have a real enemy that wants nothing more than to see our relationship fail. I heard it helps to imagine this enemy in the corner of our bedroom enjoying the drama of our conflict—all the while eating popcorn craving more by turning up the volume.
This demonstrates what is happening in the unseen world with the enemy of our souls. I certainly don’t want to entertain him!
The Bible instructs us…
“Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.” James 4:7 ESV
This is a promise we can cling to when fights happen and we struggle to be the one to go first.
The only way we can fight fair is to submit ourselves to God. It is His work in us both that gives us the power to change.
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Welcome to our new followers. We are blessed to have you. May our posts be an encouragement and help for your marriage
The Romantic Vineyard 