Happy Hour – 69

Posted on September 27, 2013 by Debi Walter

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It’s that time of the week again. We have some fantastic posts for your weekend reading enjoyment. Cheers!

Intimacy In Marriage

Marriage Missions International

One Flesh Marriage

The Generous Husband

  • Control: Major Marriage Killer<<Paul’s first post of a weeklong series addressing the issue of control in marriage. Do you crave control? Don’t miss this series!

To Love, Honor and Vacuum

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31 Days To A Better Marriage Starts Tuesday!

Posted on September 27, 2013 by Debi Walter

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Jolene Engle, of The Alabaster Jar blog is hosting an excellent series for the month of October. We wanted to let you know about it ahead of time so you won’t miss a day of the series. Click on the photo to the right. It will take you to the first post introducing the series, telling you about the topics and the authors. It’s sure to be beneficial and encouraging to all who participate. Please do it for the good of your marriage!

Imagine what God can do when we devote 31 days to growing our marriage for God’s glory. We’re praying now for all the marriages that will be impacted for good in their relationships!

So, what are you waiting for? You’re only a click a way for signing up for the posts by e-mail. We pray you’ll do it!

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Catch Me If You Can

Posted on September 26, 2013 by Debi Walter

Humpty DumptyDebi had a great fall…

Last week I took an unexpected fall. I was waiting on Tom to meet me at Starbucks when it started to rain. Fortunately, I was under one of the huge green umbrellas many stores provide on their patios. I was safe and dry.

When Tom walked up, I went to meet him by our car. I stepped off of the sidewalk onto the parking lot when my right foot slipped on an oil slick–what we call “Florida Ice.” In no time I was on the pavement–my knee taking the full impact. It all happened so fast that even though Tom was within reach, there was nothing he could do to stop my fall. I was hurt, bleeding, wet and embarrassed. But most of all I was grateful Tom was right there.

A kind woman came running out of Starbucks to see if I was okay, or if I wanted her to call anyone for me. She didn’t realize Tom was with me since I had been sitting on the patio alone. I told her Tom was my husband and thanked her for being so thoughtful.

Later, Tom said I missed my chance to say, “I’m hoping this good-looking man will help me!” 😉 He was right. It would have been a great line, except I wasn’t thinking about great lines. I can’t remember the last time I’ve been hurt like this. Tom insisted I put ice on my knee, which was worse than the pain of the fall itself! I don’t do well with cold–never have. So this was pure torture, but I listened. And I’m grateful I did. The next day my knee didn’t look near as bad as I thought it might. I’m sure the ice did the trick, and Tom’s attentive care.

We have a framed photo in our bedroom of The Romantic Vineyard banner. On it is printed, “I love you because…” and this was the perfect opportunity to fill in the blank. Here’s what I wrote… (notice the stick figure drawing that Tom drew in response! 🙂 ) Yeah, that’s me on the ground, and Tom right there to help me up. You might like to know that I didn’t spill a drop of my coffee–now that’s impressive. When was the last time your spouse came to your rescue? How did you express your gratefulness?

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Posted in Encouraging Your Spouse, Slices, Testimonies | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 7 Comments

Wordless Wednesday – Caption It

Posted on September 25, 2013 by Debi Walter
How would you caption this photo? Leave a comment...

How would you caption this photo? Leave a comment…

Posted in Wordless Wednesday | Tagged , , | 15 Comments

Are You A Wise Marriage Vineyard Owner?

Posted on September 24, 2013 by Debi Walter

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The wise Vineyard owner realizes the importance of knowing their vines well. They’ll often walk the rows examining them for pests and blight in order to do what they can to keep them from damaging the growing crop. It isn’t hard work as much as it is diligent work. He also must watch for thorns and weeds that grow alongside the vines choking them of needed nutrients.

I passed by the field of a sluggard,
by the vineyard of a man lacking sense,
and behold, it was all overgrown with thorns;
the ground was covered with nettles,
and its stone wall was broken down.
Then I saw and considered it;
I looked and received instruction.
A little sleep, a little slumber,
a little folding of the hands to rest,
and poverty will come upon you like a robber,
and want like an armed man.
(Proverbs 24:30-34 ESV)

What an excellent proverb to apply to our marriage vineyard.

Marriage isn’t hard if you do the things you know to do–which takes diligence. When we become lazy in growing our marriage for God’s glory is when the task becomes more and more difficult.

We’ve counseled couples who had neglected their marriage. They allowed parenting, work and a host of other things to distract them from doing the daily work of keeping their marriage strong and healthy. There were those where one or the other was unwilling to do the work and deferred it all to their spouse creating an offense, a breaking down of the wall so to speak.

How can we diligently keep our marriage?

How can we overcome our tendency to be lazy and put off until tomorrow those things we should be doing today? It may seem daunting, but the answer is simple.

Clothe yourselves, all of you, with humility toward one another, for “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.”
Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you. Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world. And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you. To him be the dominion forever and ever. Amen.
(1 Peter 5:5-11 ESV) emphasis added

Start today doing what you can to deny yourself and what you want, in order to serve and love your spouse by helping them with the things they want or need. This is humility on display and invites the Holy Spirit to come with grace and do what only He can do…restore your marriage vineyard.

Are you willing to go first? Are you willing to do all you can to help your marriage stand? If you’ve answered yes, then wait and see what God will do.

Posted in Christian Marriage, Growing Strong Marriages, Priorities, Troubled Marriage | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

My Spouse Would Be Perfect For Me If Only ____________!

Posted on September 23, 2013 by Debi Walter
Photo Credit: Godly Woman blog

Photo Credit: Godly Woman blog

How would you fill in the blank? What is the one area in which you wish your spouse was different? Most likely we all have an answer. Those who don’t are either not married yet, or they haven’t been together long enough to see what’s lacking.

The truth is your spouse was never meant to be perfect, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t perfect for you. God led us to each other, and we obviously had faith that this relationship was the one He desired for us to have for the rest of our lives. As a result we got married. And that was only the beginning.

Now that we’ve established the fact that no one is perfect and that most of us are disappointed in one way or another with how our spouse really is, what are we supposed to do about it?

1. Talk about it. Sometimes we need to have a long heart to heart talk about our disappointments in marriage. It doesn’t mean we’ve given  up on it ever being better. It’s just the opposite. Talking about it proves that we are willing to do the hard things to help fill in the missing pieces. And talking about such emotionally charged subjects is not easy. If you’ve tried you know what we’re talking about. It may be that you’ll need a good friend, mentor or pastor to help you do this if you’ve never attempted such deep conversations before. But please do it.

2. Do what you can to help. Sometimes what our spouse is lacking is an area where we are strong. Rather than demand them be like you, why not fill in the gap and help them in ways they can’t do on their own. For example, if your spouse needs to complete a task that they aren’t confident, or lack the skills to do, and you know how–why not do it for them? Making them look good by coming alongside them in such circumstances is a great way to lay your life down for your spouse. It’s a way God desires us to complete each other. Or you might…

3. Overlook it and pray. Sometimes the things our spouse does or doesn’t do is meant to help us grow. Think of how patient Christ is with us in our weakness. He doesn’t tell us to get our act together and come back when we can do such and such better. No, He is willing to love us because He knows He will be faithful to complete the work He’s begun in us. Are you willing to love your spouse through their weaknesses? Or do you demand them change or get angry when they don’t?

These are hard questions to ask, but if a marriage is going to grow they are necessary.

Plan some time this week to talk with your spouse about this topic, and commit to do what you can to change. Wouldn’t it be great to no longer have this issue or these thoughts looming in the dark corners of your marriage where they stifle the freedom God desires you both to enjoy in your own home? We know it’s possible. God is our strong tower and our refuge in times of need. Run to Him for the help and hope you need to go after this issue. It will make all the difference!

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Happy Hour – 68

Posted on September 20, 2013 by Debi Walter

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We started our Happy Hour posts on April 1, 2011. That’s over two years of great resources to bless your marriage. We’ve decided to keep track of how many Happy Hour posts we’ve provided, and today’s post is #68. Obviously we’ve missed some weeks here and there, but for the most part this feature has been a regular favorite of our readers.

Do Not Disturb

Hot, Holy and Humorous

To Love, Honor And Vacuum

Unveiled Wife

 

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A Marriage Miracle

Posted on September 19, 2013 by Debi Walter
Our Ashley and her two precious girls-Bristol and Willow (Vito not pictured) :-)

Our Ashley and her two precious girls-Bristol and Willow (Vito not pictured) 🙂

We are in waiting mode–our son and daughter-in-love are expecting their 3rd baby any day. We have had their two adorable girls for a couple of days so Ashley can rest. Although this is difficult even without the daily responsibilities of motherhood. She is due on the 22nd, but has been having contractions for a couple of weeks making it nearly impossible to rest. So we are doing what we can to make her wait easier. (As a result we may not post as often as we normally do. We have pages to color, Polly Pockets to play with, and pool time to enjoy before the warm weather ceases.)

This has caused us to think about all the stories couples have about their babies being born. Each child comes into this world the same way, but never with the same experience. All are unique.

But there’s nothing more amazing than your very first baby.

Realizing that your love has created life is miraculous and wonderful. Looking at our baby boy in 1982 was like looking at a little person half Tom and half me, and he was beautiful in our eyes.

Tom with Jason 1982

Tom with Jason 1982

We felt closer to each other and to the Lord than we ever had before when we became parents for the first time.

Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD,
the fruit of the womb a reward.
(Psalm 127:3 ESV)

Our son was ten days early and was an easy delivery with no medication needed. Twenty-two months later our first daughter arrived, but she was ten days late. After twelve hours of exhausting labor we found out she was breech making delivery impossible.  I had to have an emergency C-section. Then, two years later we were surprised and blessed with the birth of our second daughter/third baby who was a scheduled C-section. All experiences were different and couldn’t be predicted. Each pregnancy required a dependence on God in a way nothing else had. We had no control over when or how our baby would be born. We were forced to wait, when waiting was the last thing we wanted to do.

Tom and I have talked often about those days so many years ago. It seems like a different life, things were so different as our family was growing. We were in the throes of change which effected the dynamics of our family–but never forgot that each baby is a marriage miracle.

The only pic of me pregnant with Jason. Things were different then.

The only pic of me pregnant with Jason. Things were different then.

So if you’re in this season of life where your family is ever expanding, enjoy every moment! You will recall this season decades from now and remember how God was caring for you every step of the way. This is your story–the one your children will love to hear you talk about when they’re having children of their own–who will be your grandchildren.

So what is your story? With how many children has God rewarded you? How did God help you trust Him more as you waited with great anticipation?

Let’s glorify His goodness to us in allowing us the privilege of raising the next generation of those who will worship Him. 

Posted in Grandparenting, Open Nest, Parenting, Seasons of Life | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Romance In Marriage–The Eyes Have It!

Posted on September 18, 2013 by Debi Walter
Photo Credit: magforwomen.com

Photo Credit: magforwomen.com

Today we’ve posted on the Engaged Marriage blog about the importance of romance in marriage, and it’s most likely not what you think. But first we want to announce the winner in our “Wives Of The Bible” giveaway. Thanks to everyone who took part and for sharing about this excellent book with your Facebook friends as well. I know Jolene appreciates it. And our winner is:

~ Rebecca ~

For those who didn’t win, you can buy a copy of this excellent book by clicking here.

And now for today’s post titled, Romance In Marriage, It’s Easier Than You Think

You can always spot those couples who enjoy a romantic relationship. They’re the ones who sit close together in restaurants as they talk quietly with their eyes intently focused on each other. They’re the ones who have a sparkle in their voice when they speak of their spouse. And they are the ones you know enjoy being together just by the way they look when you see them.

How do they do it? What makes their marriage so attractive, while other couples seem to be bored?

The answer is easier than you might expect. (continue reading at Engaged Marriage)

Posted in Blog Love, Christian Marriage, Contests, Growing Strong Marriages, Guest Post, Romance in Marriage, Wives | Tagged , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Wives Of The Bible Book Review And Giveaway

Posted on September 16, 2013 by Debi Walter

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I have the privilege of reviewing a new book being released today. It’s titled, Wives Of The Bible, and includes 25 lessons from women who’s stories are told in the Bible for our benefit. Jolene Engle does an excellent job of identifying characteristics of each wife that most of us can relate to at one point in our lives or another. It is easy to read and a pleasure to discover life-changing lessons from these women who lived long ago.

Jolene is offering a free ebook to our readers. All you have to do to enter is watch the following book trailer and tell us by commenting what the last photo shows in the video. That’s it–You’ll be entered for our random drawing. The winner will be announced on Wednesday, so don’t delay. Share this post on your FB page for an additional chance to win. Simply mention in your comment that you also shared it on FB, and that will give you two entries into the drawing. 🙂 This book, which will be available in paperback soon, would make a great Christmas gift for all your friends and family members who are married or engaged.

Posted in Blog Love, Christian Marriage, Contests, Growing Strong Marriages, Wives | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 16 Comments

Happy Hour

Posted on September 13, 2013 by Debi Walter

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This week we want to share with you a very special marriage blog. It’s called Happy Wives Club and is hosted by Fawn Weaver. She started her site with one goal in mind. Here’s what she has to say:

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Happy Wives Club® is an upbeat blog dedicated to positively changing the tone about marriage around the world. I am on a mission to find 1 million women, like me, who are living their happily ever after. I’m so excited to meet you!

You can find Happy Wives Club on Facebook, Twitter, and on Pinterest. Won’t you join the challenge to show the world there are lots of happy wives out there! Add your name to the growing list by clicking below. Then scroll down to see a video recently produced by one of the many Happy Wives Club members.

Click to Sign Up.

Click to Sign Up.

Posted in Blog Love, Christian Marriage, Happy Hour, Wives | Tagged , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Tom’s Letter To His Newlywed Self – Age 24

Posted on September 13, 2013 by Tom Walter
Photo Credit: provisionhouse.org

Photo Credit: provisionhouse.org

Going along with our focus from yesterday, I, (Tom), wanted a turn to write a letter to myself when we were first married from the vantage point of today, 34 years later.

Dear Tom,

I hear congratulations are in order. You say you’ve found the woman of your dreams–the one who’s perfect for you, but little do you know just how precious a gift you’ve been given. You see it’s hard to imagine that you can love her more than you do right now, but the next 34 years will only prove a deeper, more intense, more profound love.

There will be areas in your life, things you have struggled with for years, that won’t just go away because you’re married. Debi will be a instrument in God’s hand to help you change and grow. She will be a joy to you in many ways and will complete and reflect you.

It’s imperative that you be honest with your wife in all things. Let her know the real you. Be vulnerable for the sake of sharing everything–your joys, your dreams, your fears, your failures, your weaknesses and your strengths.

Give and give and give! Be generous. Care for your wife sacrificially. It’s easy to say you would give your life in the case of danger to protect her, but you must be willing to lay down your life unselfishly, daily in the little things that don’t cause you physical harm, but are just as hard to do.

If a decision doesn’t have to be made right away, then wait. There is much wisdom to be discovered as you wait on the Lord to help you make important decisions.

You are a good communicator, at least you are by your standards. But you will soon discover that Debi communicates in an entirely different way from you. You might be tempted to think she’s crazy with all her details, but she isn’t. You will learn from each other how to ask good questions and grow in understanding one another by listening more fully. When you are out of words, she’ll have plenty leftover….hang in there. As Christ loves and cares for His church, so you must love and care for your wife. He alone can teach how this is done. Pray for your marriage, your wife, your children and the Lord will tell the way in which you are to walk.

The road ahead will be marked with difficulty and unexpected trouble, but God is your help and strength. He knows you like no other and loves you more that you realize.

Your children will learn more by watching than they will by listening. Be present for them and for your wife. In other words, be all there. Don’t let the distractions of your to-do list or your I-want list rob you of the present blessing taking place in your daily life. Pay attention and give your family the best you have not what’s leftover.

Purpose to grow spiritually by being committed to the local church. Seek out friends whom you respect and ask them good questions. Learn from them so your own marriage will benefit. This is what life in the kingdom of God is meant to be. Each member gleaning from each other as needs are presented.

“Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth.” – Proverbs 5:18 ESV

Remember this one verse and allow your joy to ever increase and overflow in thanksgiving to God for what He has done. He will be faithful to you even when you aren’t. And He will teach you how to grow stronger as a man, a husband, a father, an employee, and a friend. Enjoy the process–it’s all good!

Sincerely,

Tom Walter, age 59

I challenge you to consider what you would say to your newlywed self. If you choose to write such a letter, won’t you share it with us by commenting or linking your blog to this post? Let’s help newlyweds today by sharing with them what we would say to ourselves.

Paul, with The Generous Husband shares his letter with his newlywed self.

Posted in Christian Marriage, communication, Growing Strong Marriages, Husbands | Tagged , , , , | 9 Comments

A Letter To My Newlywed Self – Age 19

Posted on September 12, 2013 by Debi Walter
Photo Credit: todaysadmin.com

Photo Credit: todaysadmin.com

I was thinking recently about the whole idea of reflecting on what I would say to my 21 year old self from the vantage point of today. It made me wonder what I would say to my newlywed self about love, romance and marriage. Here’s my letter I’ve written to Debi Gray Walter, age 19 (my age when Tom and I were married in 1979.)

Dear Debi,

I know you are afraid of all the changes about to take place in your life–moving away from all that is familiar to embrace a new life with Tom. Having only dated for the past 8 months, it’s to be expected that you’re nervous. But God has given you everything you need to be the wife He has called you to be. There will be days ahead of loneliness and uncertainty, but God is going to use this time to draw you and Tom closer together.

You may think you know Tom, but the years ahead are going to reveal how much you don’t really know him. And he will soon discover that he doesn’t really know you either. Your romantic ideal will be tested because true love isn’t based on your ideals, but on reality. God has chosen Tom to be the one with whom you’ll share all of life–the good, the challenging and the heart-breaking moments. Be brutally honest and self-disclosing. Allow the Holy Spirit to guide you into all Truth. Even when the truth you are discovering about your heart and Tom’s heart tempts you to despair.

God hasn’t brought you and Tom together to live a perfect life. He has brought you together to help you grow more in your relationship to each other and to God. As iron sharpens iron, so too, will your husband sharpen you.

Don’t neglect your relationship with the Lord. Allow Him to be the One you depend upon for all things. Your husband was never meant to be your Savior. He is your companion and the One with whom you will walk side-by-side closer to the Throne of Grace as each year passes, but only God can fill the role of Savior.

Children are going to attempt to put a wedge between you. Your time will be consumed with training the next generation, but don’t love them more than Tom. Be always conscious that your marriage is primary and lasts your entire lifetime, while the throes of parenting lasts only for 20 – 30 years. Be diligent to keep the home fires burning so that when your kids are grown you will have a strong friendship to support the changing season.

Seek others who can give you godly counsel as to how to be the best wife you can be. Read great books on marriage. Spend time praying for Tom daily. Do all you can to resist the temptation to hide your motives, your fears and your failures. Tom needs to know the real you, not the one you want him to see. Don’t worry so much about outward appearance, but focus on the heart. Let Tom teach you how to be a servant who doesn’t need the accolades of men.

You may not realize it now, but Tom will become a deep source of wisdom in your life. Don’t waste time second-guessing his leadership, but trust his ability to hear God. You may think he’s the man of your dreams, but you will discover he is much better than anything you could have ever dreamed or hoped for.

Most of all, don’t measure your marriage by the marriages of others. Love is a choice, not a feeling. Commit to love Tom more everyday regardless of how you feel, and find creative ways to express it. Be uninhibited and unashamed in your showing your love to him. Let your yes be YES, as often as you are able.

Enjoy your marriage and remember above all that it is a reflection of Christ’s love for the church. Every choice you make is meant to glorify God. Keep this as your focus, and it will enable you to do and say things that will build your marriage, instead of saying things that will tear it down.

Let God’s Word dwell in your heart richly. It has the power to lead you and guide you in your daily choices in a way nothing else can. It is the best marriage manual you will ever read. Heed it’s wisdom above all other earthly wisdom.

Most of all–delight yourself in the gift of marriage. Have fun and share what you discover with others!

If you do these things, you will be greatly blessed.

Sincerely,

Debi Gray Walter, age 54

I challenge you to consider what you would say to your newlywed self. If you choose to write such a letter, won’t you share it with us by commenting or linking your blog to this post? Let’s help newlyweds today by sharing with them what we would say to ourselves.

J, with Hot, Holy and Humorous shares her letter to her newlywed self.

Kate, with One Flesh Marriage shares her letter to her newlywed self.

Posted in Christian Marriage, Growing Strong Marriages, Newlyweds, Priorities, Seasons of Life, Testimonies, The Gospel & Marriage | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 16 Comments

Create Hump Day Traditions

Posted on September 11, 2013 by Debi Walter
Photo Credit: Photo Bucket

Photo Credit: Photo Bucket

Haha! I absolutely love most of Geico’s commercials. Their writing team thinks out of the box and always makes me laugh. One of my favorites is the little pig squealing, “Wee, wee, wee,” all the way home. But their newest one is even better. See for yourself:

So it made me think about ways to celebrate Hump Day in our marriage. Of course, there’s the obvious–make time for sex. 🙂 But what if we thought of even more weekly traditions to make this a day to look forward to? I’ll start a list and see if you can’t come up with more.

Hump Day Ideas:

They say once you reach the middle of the week it’s all downhill to the weekend.

  • Go sledding or sliding at a park or on a swimming pool slide.
  • Watch a hump back whale special on DVD. Amazing creatures!
  • Fix eggs for dinner in honor of Humpty Dumpty.
  • Play Chutes and Ladders with your kids.
  • Listen to Engelbert Humperdinck music, if you like him.
  • Make your spouse a special hump day lunch – include egg salad sandwich with hum(p)mus dip and Mounds candy bar for dessert.
  • ____________________________ Your turn. What ideas can you come up with?

 

Posted in Christian Marriage, Creative Dates, Date Night Ideas, humor, Sexual Intimacy | Tagged , , , , , | 2 Comments

A Secret Wives Would Do Well To Know

Posted on September 10, 2013 by Debi Walter

Tom

Yesterday we shared with you Kate Aldrich’s post titled, Emotional Alphabet. Well, in order to challenge the wives in the same way we’ve challenged the husbands, we want to share with you Brad’s post titled, Emotional Foreplay.

Take a moment to click over and read it, then come back and hear how this has played out in our marriage.

If you could contrast a major difference between Tom and me, it would be Tom is patient and I am not. In our early years asking me to give Tom emotional foreplay was nearly impossible as I rarely paused long enough for a breath, let alone give Tom the time he needed to process an answer to a question regarding his feelings.

Brad is right, men have feelings–deep feelings, but getting them to express them takes patience and skill. Most times Tom struggles to find the words to adequately express what he’s feeling. But I can see the weight of his emotion in his eyes. In our early years I was quick to put words in his mouth in an effort to help him say what I thought he wanted to say. This is arrogantly wrong to do. How could I know what Tom was feeling?

You want to know my secret for discovering what Tom is feeling? I listen to the comments he makes under his breath when he thinks no one is listening. He often thinks out loud, and if I’m privy to hear it, I’ll discover what questions to ask in an effort to help him share what’s on his mind and heart.

Every husband is different and has unique ways of hinting to what they’re feeling. The understanding wife will make it a regular practice to study her husband. If you’ve tried without success, may I encourage you to pray about it? Ask God to help you help your husband in this way.

Foreplay is a gift from God to help a husband prepare his wife for the most intimate of physical expressions–making love. In a similar way, a wife can give her husband emotional foreplay to help him communicate in a more vulnerable way than he’s used to. And it’s all good!

In what ways have you discovered to help your husband share his feelings with you?

Posted in Blog Love, Christian Marriage, communication, Growing Strong Marriages | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

A Secret All Husbands Would Do Well To Know

Posted on September 9, 2013 by Debi Walter

I was going through older blog posts from some of my favorite marriage bloggers when I found a gem. It’s an article by Kate with One Flesh Marriage, that she wrote in March of 2012 titled, Emotional Alphabet. She shares the secret of helping our marriage grow more intimate as the years pass, and I offer a hearty AMEN to everything she said!

Please take a moment to click over and read it, and then come back to read how this truth has played out in our marriage. You may discover a new secret, or be affirmed about something you’re already doing.

Did you read her article? Wasn’t it excellent?

Now for how Tom has learned to do this in our marriage. From the beginning I always knew Tom loved me, but he didn’t understand me. I was overly-sensitive and would cry at the drop of a hat. Okay, maybe not that, but I have been known to cry watching Kleenex commercials. <sigh> Most times Tom couldn’t relate, but he always wanted to. He wanted to be there for me to comfort me no matter how silly the circumstances were that were causing me grief.

Fast forward to a few years ago when we were standing in the lobby of our church talking with a dear friend. He asked me a question that evoked deep emotions that I didn’t expect. I couldn’t talk as I was trying to hold back the explosion of tears when Tom said the most amazing thing–at least it was to me. He said, “Give her minute. She’ll be okay and gain her composure enough to tell you what she’s thinking.”

I know this sounds like such a small thing. Especially if you’re the husband who has never understood your wife’s emotions. And it can also be the other way around. We’ve counseled with couples where the husband was more emotional than the wife, which is actually a lot more difficult because it is so unusual.

But in that moment I realized how much Tom really knew me.

He understood the process I went through in dealing with deep emotion. I felt cared for and deeply loved. And no one was more surprised than Tom to hear me say this, for it wasn’t something where he took a class in to become a better husband. It was simply loving and caring for me in the only way he knew to do–letting me express myself in the way I needed to in the moment.

How well do you know your wife? Or how good are you at expressing your heart-felt emotions to your husband? Is it awkward? Do you feel that he doesn’t care to know? As a husband do you really not care? Are you more comfortable letting her get this need fulfilled through her girlfriends? Sadly, this is what our culture elevates as normal. You’ve most likely seen episodes of Everybody Loves Raymond where his wife Debra constantly laments the fact that Ray doesn’t care about her emotional needs. He only has two things on his mind–sports and sex. And spends all his time trying to get both as often as possible.

There’s nothing wrong with sex or sports! God created sex and sports are our country’s favorite past time. But there is nothing that can compete with the intimacy that comes from connecting on a level where both a husband and wife are vulnerable with each other, yet safe.

We encourage you to work on understanding your wife’s emotional alphabet. She most likely uses words as hints all day long. Next time, pay attention and ask her how that made her feel? Then, be a gentleman and listen. You might just realize what an amazing gift God has given you in your wife.

Posted in Blog Love, Christian Marriage, communication, Growing Strong Marriages, Testimonies | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 8 Comments

Happy Hour

Posted on September 6, 2013 by Debi Walter

happy_hour_logo_cropped2

It’s time for our Specials Of The Week. We couldn’t choose just one blog to feature because there are just too many great posts to share. We hope you’ll spend some time this weekend reading these posts. You’re marriage will thank you! Have a great weekend!

Hot, Holy and Humorous

Intimacy In Marriage

Journey To Surrender

  • Changing Seasons – It’s great to discuss this part of marriage. If we do we’ll be more prepared to face them together as they come.

The Generous Wife

  • Hello – Simple advice we should all heed.
  • The Good And Bad Of Holidays – Yes, it will be here before we know it. Good to start planning how to make the best of it now. And be sure to check out the links Lori provides at the bottom. Some really good ones with this post!

The Generous Husband

  • Getting Help – Paul is asking what you think of this idea, and if you’ve had any experience with on-line marriage help.
Posted in Blog Love, Christian Marriage, Growing Strong Marriages, Happy Hour, Open Nest, Seasons of Life, Sexual Intimacy | Tagged , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Looking…in All the Wrong Places

Posted on September 6, 2013 by Debi Walter

Today we want to share with you the following blog post from our dear friend, Sheree Phillips. Her post goes well with our recent post about getting upset with your spouse over things that don’t matter. Let us know what you think!

shereesmusings's avatarFaith Rising

As I’ve been talking about sadness this week, several people have contacted me saying the thing that most tempts them to be sad is trouble in their relationships:

  • Marital strife, disappointment or shame due to a spouse’s sin
  • Lonely years of unplanned singleness
  • Spiritually passive teens
  • Misunderstanding in a friendship; or no close friendships at all
  • Unresolved extended family tension or unmet expectations
  • In-law challenges
  • Hurtful words or actions from co-workers
  • Spiteful adult siblings

I agree with author Paul Tripp who calls relationships “a mess….”

In my life, the problem is when I think the solution is for someone else to change. Take this morning, for instance. Benny and I had a tif over a decision he made some months ago that has affected me in ways he didn’t anticipate. As the consequences of that decision have become clearer to us both, and especially to me, the temptation is to…

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Posted in Christian Marriage | Comments Off on Looking…in All the Wrong Places

Two Words That Change Everything

Posted on September 5, 2013 by Debi Walter
Photo Credit: sundijo.com

Photo Credit: sundijo.com

I’m reading through the One Year Bible this year, and the last book I read was Job. Now I’m about half way through Ecclesiastes, and what a contrast! The first book contains the story of a man who seemingly did everything right yet his world came crashing down all around him–and it all happened in one day! In the midst of such suffering I was struck by his attitude…

And he said, “Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked shall I return. The LORD gave, and the LORD has taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD.”
(Job 1:21 ESV)

Then when the author of Ecclesiastes, believed to be King Solomon, came to the end of his privileged and successful life, he was filled with cynicism. He declared…

I have seen everything that is done under the sun, and behold, all is vanity and a striving after wind.
(Ecclesiastes 1:14 ESV)

These two perspectives can be present in any marriage. You may be facing trouble and difficulty, yet see God’s hand leading you through it. Or you may be like Solomon and wonder if any of it matters at all shaking your fist at God while asking why?

What is the point anyway? We all face trouble. We all get discouraged. We all have doubts if the changes we’re hoping and praying for will ever come. Marriage is hard work. We fight. We disagree. We forget to explain ourselves more completely to where understanding takes place. We have financial decisions that seem impossible to make. We have days where life seems too hard. We’d rather get in the car and drive until the trouble dissipates, only to discover that the trouble has followed us.

I have found myself relating to the writings of Ecclesiastes. Have you? Do you wonder if any of what we do day in and day out matters?

There are two words that change everything, and David used these two words often. I’ve always loved how he was able to honestly pour his heart out to God. He shared his doubts, his fears, his questions and his struggles. And he even sinned greatly against the God he proclaimed to love. Yet, through it all he always came back to the reason it all mattered. Those two words are–But God!

Let’s listen in on a couple of his prayers:

O LORD, how many are my foes!
Many are rising against me;
many are saying of my soul,
there is no salvation for him in God. Selah
But you, O LORD, are a shield about me,
my glory, and the lifter of my head.
I cried aloud to the LORD,
and he answered me from his holy hill. Selah
(Psalm 3:1-4 ESV)

O Lord, all my longing is before you;
my sighing is not hidden from you.
My heart throbs; my strength fails me,
and the light of my eyes—it also has gone from me.
My friends and companions stand aloof from my plague,
and my nearest kin stand far off.
Those who seek my life lay their snares;
those who seek my hurt speak of ruin
and meditate treachery all day long.
But I am like a deaf man; I do not hear,
like a mute man who does not open his mouth.
I have become like a man who does not hear,
and in whose mouth are no rebukes.
But for you, O LORD, do I wait;
it is you, O Lord my God, who will answer.
For I said, “Only let them not rejoice over me,
who boast against me when my foot slips!”
(Psalm 38:9-16 ESV)

In what ways are you waiting on God to answer the cries of your heart?

Won’t you share your request with us so we can together pray for God to deliver you? He hears our cries, and it is He alone who is mighty to save. Do you believe this? Or have you forgotten in the midst of the pain. We want to remind you of the Truth of the Gospel. Christ came to save us from ourselves. He came that we might have eternal life. And He desires to make your marriage one that glorifies Him no matter what you are currently facing.

Posted in Christian Marriage, communication, Conflict, Difficulty, Growing Strong Marriages, The Gospel & Marriage, Troubled Marriage | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

I’m Right and You’re Wrong–So There!

Posted on September 2, 2013 by Debi Walter

We had a conversation recently with some friends about our tendency to notice every little error our spouse says when sharing a story. As we discussed this we all realized that we do this way too often. And why? After so many years together why is it necessary to point out every mistake?

For example, Tom was sharing about something he ordered at a restaurant once, and I felt compelled to correct the name of the restaurant. Why? Why did I feel the need to correct a detail that didn’t really matter when it came to the story as a whole?

I don’t know if we came up with a good reason why we do this, but we are certainly more aware of our need to change.

As we continued to talk it happened several times! Who wants to be married to someone who notices every little thing we say wrong? Of course, we want to know when it’s a detail that is important, like the date we’re scheduled to do something in the future. To overlook the date could mean you’d miss something you want to do. But when it comes to recalling a story, let’s be willing to overlook the mistakes that don’t add to or take from the telling of the story.

Let’s love our spouse and respect them enough to let them tell the story as they remember it.

Let’s use self-control and love them with their imperfections, and only correct the things which matter.

As we age we’re going to forget more and more details. If we don’t work on this now, we could end up being really crotchety old people no one wants to be around–including our spouse. May this not be us!

Did I ever tell you the story about… 🙂

Posted in Aging, Christian Marriage, communication, Conflict, Encouraging Your Spouse, Growing Strong Marriages, Seasons of Life, Showing Honor | Tagged , , , , , , | 18 Comments