What Weddings Can Help Us See

Posted on April 6, 2013 by Tom and Debi

wedding

Today we have the privilege of witnessing the vows of our life-long friends’ daughter. It is a day to celebrate, because on this day her parents will receive the reward from their years of investment in her life. As he walks down the aisle with her by his side it will be the end of a season for him and his wife. And as she takes the hand of her husband-to-be, it will be the beginning of a new season for her.

Time continually moves us forward, but it isn’t without purpose. God is the One who orchestrates the seasons of our lives. He desires us to willingly let go of one season to take the hand of a new season–a new way of life without regret. Imagine how awkward it would be if a bride was hesitant to let go of the arm of her Dad. The husband would think it strange and might even refuse to marry her. We’re certain both the bride and groom today are excited, but nervous about the future. This is normal. All new seasons make us realize our dependence on God to lead us.

Where are you today on the timeline of God’s plan for you, for your marriage?

Are you enjoying a season you’ve anticipated for years? If you are, enjoy it to the fullest!  But realize there is a caution; don’t hold it tightly. Cling only to Christ and hold loosely all the gifts He so graciously gives. If you aren’t in a season you’re enjoying, God wants this time to cause your heart to run to Him for comfort, direction, hope and help.

We are currently reading through Deuteronomy and hearing the law recited over and over by Moses to the Israelites who constantly forgot what God had said. The theme is repeated that God is a jealous God, but He is also good. He desires nothing more than for us to trust Him in the wilderness–we know this. But we must also continue trusting Him in the good times.

When the season changes for which we’ve enjoyed maybe for years, we must walk willingly into the future knowing God has hidden joy for us to discover. To find it we must trust and ask. God is faithful and will do it.

Can you say along with the Bride and Groom–I do?

  • I do trust You God.
  • I do know that You are good.
  • I do know that You hold every detail of my life in the palm of Your hand.
  • I do love You with all my heart, soul and strength.
  • I do ask that You will help me in my weakness.
  • I do embrace the season you have chosen for me with faith for an unknown future.

Weddings are a great time to check your devotion to Christ. Are you letting go of the past to trust God for the future? Are you united with your spouse having faith for the future? Is your past causing you to constantly look back and resist the plan God has marked out for you? 

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This is post #6 in the challenge to post everyday in April.

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Posted in Christian Marriage, Growing Strong Marriages, Newlyweds, Open Nest, Parenting, Priorities, Seasons of Life, The Gospel & Marriage | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 8 Comments

GYRO Week 8 – Watch Your Wedding Video

Posted on April 5, 2013 by Debi Walter
Photo Credit: Kimberley Bednarski Anderson

Photo Credit: Kimberley Bednarski Anderson

This week’s date doesn’t take a lot of planning, but it is sure to bring back lots of memories. After dinner and once the kids are all sound asleep. Put on your comfy clothes and cuddle up on the couch to watch the day your marriage began. Use the pause button as much as you want to stop and talk about what you were thinking at the time, and consider how far you’ve come since that moment. Enjoy reminiscing.

As a bonus plan to play the song you chose for your first dance together, and do it again.

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Taking part in the Challenge? Click on the GYRO Challenge button in the header and share with us what you did under Week #8. 

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Posted in Christian Marriage, Date Night Ideas, GYRO Challenge, Movie Dates, Romance in Marriage, romancing your spouse, romantic date nights | Tagged , , , | 9 Comments

What Jurassic Park Taught Me About Love

Posted on April 4, 2013 by jtw
Photo Credit: Aubrey Jarvis Reel

Photo Credit: Aubrey Jarvis Reel

Every Thursday during the month of April, we are thrilled to have our son, Jason, guest blogging for us. We’ve given him creative license to write about whatever is on his mind and heart concerning marriage. We believe you’ll be blessed by his writing gift, but more importantly by what he has to share.

Jason has been married to his lovely wife, Ashley, for nearly 7 years. They have two adorable daughters, Bristol (5) and Willow (3), with another one due in September. He works at a local university in their Editing Department.

What Jurassic Park Taught Me About Love

Jurassic Park

With the upcoming release of Jurassic Park 3D, I was recently thinking about my first time seeing the film twenty years ago. I was ten years old, and I loved dinosaurs (and still do). I remember my parents saying that the movie looked too scary, and I would have to wait until I was older. Then one night while I was out driving with my dad, he pulled in to a drive-in theater that was showing Jurassic Park. I don’t know if I’ve ever been more excited in my life, and I still think about that night every time I drive by the lot where the theater used to be.

That night only cost my dad a few dollars and a couple hours of his time, but it meant the world to me. I wonder how many similar opportunities surround me each day. Times where I could bless my wife or kids with a surprise or just some encouraging words. I’ve realized that the more I pay attention, the more opportunities I notice.

It can be easy for me to turn on the autopilot in everyday life. Morning, work, lunch, home, rinse, repeat. Days can tend to blur together as time goes by. But by doing something simple like bringing home flowers for my wife or some unique fruit for the kids, I can make the day memorable for them. I don’t want to underestimate the influence my active presence has on my family.

The tiniest gesture of consideration for someone else can create a happy memory that will be cherished for years to come. Be proactive and look for opportunities. You might be surprised with the ideas you come up with.

As for me, I’ll be staying in this weekend. Those dinosaurs are scary.

What spontaneous things have you done for your spouse to bless them or make them smile? What could you do today to show your love and devotion to your children above all others?

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This is post #4 in the challenge to post everyday in April.

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Posted in Christian Marriage, Growing Strong Marriages, Guest Post, Husbands, Parenting, Priorities, romancing your spouse, romancing your wife, Seasons of Life | Tagged , , , , , , , | 8 Comments

Row, Row, Row Your Boat

Posted on April 3, 2013 by Debi Walter
Watercolor Print by Deborah Cavenaugh $30

Watercolor Print by Deborah Cavenaugh $30

We’ve all heard this song, and now thanks to ME you’ll be singing it all day. Sorry. That wasn’t my intention with our next metaphor, but it comes with it I’m afraid.

Metaphor #3

Imagine you and your spouse are enjoying a day on a row boat. The water is crystal clear reflecting the clear blue sky. The stream is flowing gently, so you both decide to stop rowing for awhile. You get to talking and forget completely about your need to row. Without warning your boat heads right into some bullrushes on the river’s edge. Now one of you has to get out of the boat in order to free the boat from the cypress knees hidden under the water. It takes a lot of work and by the time your both back in the boat, you’re ready to call it a day. So much for a relaxing date on the water.

If we look more closely at this metaphor, the boat represents the marriage relationship. The couple were both sharing the rowing, which is comparable to both doing their part to make sure the marriage is on track. When one stops rowing, the one left doing all the work only goes in circles. When both stop rowing the marriage will certainly drift into an area where it will take extreme effort on both the husband and wife’s part to get “unstuck.”

It’s better by far to keep on rowing.

How do we do this? By talking regularly, dating often, engaging your spouse in your life and ambitions. Too many couples think once they’ve said, I Do, that they can drift. The truth is, marriage takes work. You can choose to work on keeping it healthy and strong (rowing) or by working to save it from harm. The choice is yours!

How have you found this to be true in your marriage? Have you found yourself on the bank wondering how you got there? What did it take to start rowing again? 

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This is post #3 in the challenge to post everyday in April.

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Posted in Boredom, Christian Marriage, communication, Conflict, Growing Strong Marriages, Seasons of Life | Tagged , , , | 10 Comments

The Holy Spirit Is Like A Hurricane

Posted on April 2, 2013 by Debi Walter

Hurricane-Ivan

Consider this metaphor –

The Holy Spirit is like a hurricane over the waters stirring up the winds of passion and thanksgiving.  The waters are swelling higher and higher as the anticipation of God’s nearness becomes a reality to weary hearts.

  • Many are fearful and long for the calm they had before the wind began to move.
  • Many are fascinated with the instruments predicting the storm.
  • But there are those who are out in the wind allowing it to move them where it will.

This is where the Lord has called us to go.  Leave your storm shelters, which are the places of comfort you run to when you realize you have no control. Leave your weather center predicting what will happen next, and jump out in the storm.

This is the moving of the Holy Spirit, and He desires that you experience the power of His passion for the Cross.  Yes, the Cross is the center of His passion.  It is the eye of the hurricane around which the wind of the Holy Spirit moves.  Cling to the Cross-for it is by the Cross that you can enter the winds of His passion without fear of death.  It is your only haven and hope!

How is the power of The Holy Spirit helping your marriage grow and change? In what ways is He leading you, and are you finding yourself resisting or letting go? What difference do you see in your relationship compared to this time last year?

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This is post #2 in the challenge to post everyday in April.

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Posted in Christian Marriage, Growing Strong Marriages, Purpose, Spiritual Intimacy, Thankfulness, The Gospel & Marriage | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Spot Removal

Posted on April 1, 2013 by Tom Walter
Photo Credit: drycleaningandbeyond.com

Photo Credit: drycleaningandbeyond.com

Jesus spent much of His three years of ministry sharing word pictures with all who would listen. Some asked what the parables meant, others shook them off as crazy. We think God still speaks to us in word pictures, or metaphors as we often call them.

We’ve decided to spend some time sharing different metaphors with you. Our hope is that the pictures described will help us see ourselves in a different light. The first one we heard from our pastor in yesterday’s service.

Metaphor #1

Imagine you’re out to dinner at a really nice restaurant with your spouse. The lights are dimly lit, the food is served hot and delicious. The conversation is just beginning to deepen when it happens; you spill something on your shirt! Your first thought is you’ll never get it out! All attention is given to get the stain out as quick as possible.

Why are we so quick to remove a stain from our clothes, but tolerate stains on our hearts?

John Owen said, “Be killing sin, or it will be killing you.”

How true. Consider lust. It is never satisfied. It’s not something we can control. By God’s grace the only thing we can do to be free from its grip is to kill it. We are called to put off the old man and his ways:

  • sexual immorality
  • impurity
  • passion
  • evil desire
  • covetousness (idolatry)

Our culture dresses up on Easter Sunday, but God isn’t interested in how we dress on the outside. He wants us to be more concerned about what’s on the inside in our hearts. He wants us to be clothed with:

  • compassion
  • kindness
  • humility
  • meekness
  • patience

(cited from Colossians 3)

Our pastor continued, “Many times our old man and new man hang out together. They shouldn’t. Is Christ your life? Then, consider – Jesus doesn’t slander; Jesus doesn’t gossip; Jesus doesn’t harbor bitterness; Jesus doesn’t hide sin. Old ragged clothes that don’t fit us anymore should be tossed. Like “old clothes,” anger doesn’t fit us anymore, because Christ has set us free to live a new way, a new life, as a new man.”

Think of how our marriage could be changed if each of us went after the old man in our heart and put on the new man each and every day. This is Christ at work in us, our hope of glory.

We want to finish with this question–Do you excuse yourself from going after sins in your own heart because your spouse isn’t going after the sin in their heart? If so, know that you’re nursing sin, not killing it. Let us examine our own heart and be willing to go first. This is where lasting change is cultivated, one stain at a time.

We have been greatly challenged by this metaphor. How about you? How does this apply to your own life? Your marriage?

Posted in Christian Marriage, Growing Strong Marriages, The Gospel & Marriage | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

GYRO Week 7 – Blind Spouse Bluff

Posted on March 29, 2013 by Debi Walter
Photo Credit: bashertweddings

Photo Credit: bashertweddings

With April Fool’s Day on Monday, we thought it would be fun to have a date with a bit of “foolery” involved.

Here’s how to plan a Blind Spouse Bluff Date:

First – Gather a good blind fold or large scarf that will be sure to completely cover your spouse’s eyes.

Second – Decide what food items you want to feed to your spouse. Make sure it’s things you know they’ll like. You want this to be an enjoyable date, not one to make them gag.

Third – Turn the lights down low, or use only candlelight for added romance.

Fourth – Play soft music. We’ve found the Downton Abbey Soundtrack to be perfect background music that isn’t distracting. You can play it for free on Pandora radio too.

Fifth – Invite your spouse to sit down and close their eyes. Put the blind fold on them and explain that they must try to guess what foods you are feeding them.

Finally – For every correct answer give them a reward of some kind. There are no limits to how sexy you can make this game. And you can each have a turn. There’s nothing that says this has to be a surprise.

Enjoy stimulating all your senses (and your spouse’s for that matter!)  😉

Below is a sample of Downton Abbey’s music.

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Taking part in the Challenge? Click on the GYRO Challenge button in the header and share with us what you did under Week #7. 

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Posted in Christian Marriage, Date Night Ideas, Fun Dates, GYRO Challenge, Unique Dates | Tagged , , , , | 2 Comments

Are You Living With Unanswered Prayer?

Posted on March 28, 2013 by Debi Walter

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Today we want to talk about those who are waiting on God to answer specific prayers regarding their spouse and marriage. It’s like your unanswered prayer takes on a life of its own and seems to haunt you each and every day.

It’s hard to wait. Especially when we see no evidence of the changes for which we’re praying. How do we continue on when our prayers seem to be “on hold” from God? How do we motivate ourselves to do the right things when our spouse continues to do the wrong things? How do we keep the faith when our unanswered prayers walk by us everyday and seem to mock our hope?

The answers will vary, but there is one Truth that stands for all who are in this place–

Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.                    (Proverbs 3:5-6 ESV)

We don’t like waiting. We don’t understand why we have to wait. Especially when what we’re asking for is something good that God wants us to desire. For instance, salvation of a spouse, finding a job, having a much wanted baby, sitting by the sick bed of someone you love who is in great pain, emotional distance between husband and wife for no apparent reason, marriage where affection is absent, just to name a few. These are all very real reasons to feel pain and be discouraged.

We must remind ourselves that God has made it clear He wants us to continue asking.

But to ask for something everyday and never see the answer can be disheartening to say the least. There are some who die never receiving the answer to the promises God has given.

Consider Abraham and Sarah. God had promised them great things, but they both died having only one son–hardly the vision Abraham had been given by God. But His faith never doubted. He trusted in the God He couldn’t see or understand. And we know the rest of Abraham and Sarah’s story. God fulfilled His promises to them in every way. He was faithful, and it’s good for us to remember this Truth when living with unanswered prayer. It doesn’t mean God isn’t listening, He has promised to hear us when we cry out to Him–He will answer. The question is are we willing to wait?

Sidewalk Prophets has a new song out titled, Help Me Find It, that ministered to me in a powerful way as I was thinking about writing this post. It’s the perfect way to help those who are struggling. I invite you to stop what you’re doing and allow the Holy Spirit to do what only He can do–comfort you as you wait.

Posted in Christian Marriage, Difficulty, Growing Strong Marriages, Music, Prayer, The Gospel & Marriage, Worship | Tagged , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Good And Tired

Posted on March 26, 2013 by Tom and Debi

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We’ve been away the past four days on a ministry team visiting our sister church in Nassau, Bahamas. It was a great trip where we witnessed God encourage hearts and strengthen those who were feeling weary, including ourselves.

We are tired, but it’s the good kind of tired where you feel satisfied.

There is another kind of tired where there is no satisfaction to be found. It weighs heavily on the mind and shoulders to the point where it’s hard to get out of bed in the morning–even after a full night’s rest.

What is the answer to such weariness of the soul?

PRAYER.

It’s the only place where we can unload our burdens to the only One who can bring help and hope.

How is your prayer life? Are you lingering in God’s presence until you feel the weight lifted? Or are you praying more on the run, all the while trying to catch your breath?

May we encourage you to take time today, bow before the Lord, cry out to Him in your distress, and let Him do what only He can do–bring rest to your soul. He loves it when we realize our great need for Him.

“Humility is perfect quietness of heart. It is to expect nothing, to wonder at nothing that is done to me, to feel nothing done against me. It is to be at rest when nobody praises me, and when I am blamed or despised. It is to have a blessed home in the Lord, where I can go in and shut the door, and kneel to my Father in secret, and am at peace as in a deep sea of calmness, when all around and above is trouble.”
― Andrew Murray

How can we pray for you today? Please feel free to share your need with us in the comments below. 

Posted in Christian Marriage, Difficulty, Growing Strong Marriages, Prayer, The Gospel & Marriage, Travel | Tagged , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

8 “We Do’s” To Keep Our Marriage Strong

Posted on March 25, 2013 by Debi Walter
Photo Credit: livingbetterat50 blog

Photo Credit: livingbetterat50 blog

We recently discovered a question posed by the Do Not Disturb blog. They asked us to post about what WE DO on a consistent basis to keep our marriage strong. Their goal is to get married couples all over the internet sharing what has helped their marriage grow stronger as the years pass. Much of what we are is a direct result of what we do. We think this is an excellent goal, so we’re joining the conversation:

♥ We do Honest

– even when it hurts. There is no one we trust more than each other. We know we’re going to say it like it is whenever any question is asked. Even the ones that require us to confess sin. Which leads us to the next one…

♥ We do Forgiveness

– after all if you’re going to be honest, forgiveness is the next step. Otherwise bitterness follows. Forgiveness when we’ve been hurt. Forgiveness when we don’t fully understand. Forgiveness because Christ has forgiven us so much more than any wrong we could ever suffer from each other.

♥ We do Biblical Fellowship

– which is using the Bible as our constant “go-to” manual. Our convictions are formed here and our behavior is measured here. Asking questions like, “How is God helping you resist the temptation to compare yourself with others?” or, “In what ways are you purposing to mortify this sin pattern in your life?” help us to make sure we’re not just talking the talk, but we’re walking the walk.

♥ We do Church Life

– we absolutely love our local church. We were part of the group that started it back in 1985. We have had trouble and hardship, but what church family doesn’t? We are here because this is where God told us to set down roots, and we have, and they go deep. We have life-long friends we’ve made here who know us well. They help us stay accountable, which all Christians and marriages need in order to stay strong and healthy.

♥ We do Romance

– 🙂 Yes, we do. And it keeps the twinkle in our eyes and the fun in our marriage. You see much of it lived out through our blog. But the part you don’t see, well…it’s even better! ’nuff said. 😉

♥ We do Family

– when our two oldest got married 7 and 8 years ago we made sure they knew they were our first priority when it came to helping marriages grow and stay strong. We have modeled a strong marriage for them, even through our weaknesses. When we sin we repent and ask forgiveness. We aren’t perfect. We haven’t arrived. But God has helped us and grown us little by little each year, until now we can look back and say, Wow! The Lord has done great things for us and we are glad! Nothing thrills us more than to hear our daughter-in-love say how our son reminds her so much of Tom. He caught how to be a kind, loving and thoughtful husband through Tom’s example.

♥ We do Devotions

– We didn’t always have consistent quiet times. But as the years have passed our daily time alone with the Lord has become our favorite part of the day. We read the same plan each year so we can talk about what we’re hearing from God.

♥ We do Love

– not the cupid kind of love, but the sacrificial kind that can hurt at times. It’s loving the other even when they don’t really deserve it. It’s saying I’m here for you, and I will always love you, even if I don’t like what you’re doing right now. It’s patient, kind, and doesn’t keep records of wrongs suffered. I must say my husband excels more than me in loving this way. And because he has loved me when I least deserve it, I have a front row seat of how Christ loves me. It’s amazing.

What about you? What do you do to keep your marriage strong?

Posted in Blog Love, Christian Marriage, Growing Strong Marriages, Testimonies, The Gospel & Marriage | Tagged , , , , , , | 16 Comments

GYRO Week 6 – Romantic Easter Date

Posted on March 22, 2013 by Debi Walter

It’s spring, and Easter is right around the corner. As Christians there isn’t a more important date on the calendar, for Easter represents the freedom Christ bought for us. It truly is a date to celebrate. And as couples the Truth of our redemption seals our covenant in a way nothing on this earth ever could. God has made us one flesh and it is a marvelous mystery.

What better way to celebrate than to plan an evening doing all the Easter traditions with a romantic twist.

Coloring Secret Message Easter Eggs:

  • Hard boil a dozen eggs and have them ready when your date begins.
  • Divide the eggs – six for you and six for your spouse. Using a white crayon write six words (one on each egg) that you love about your spouse.
  • Exchange the eggs and take turns dipping the eggs into the dye to read what your spouse loves about you.
  • Put eggs in refrigerator to eat later.

Plan an Easter Brunch for Two:

Have a Romantic Egg Hunt:

  • Buy and fill a dozen or more plastic easter eggs. Fill them with your spouse’s favorite treats and hide them all over the house.
  • OR you could put together their very own Easter basket, hide it somewhere in the house. Then, give them an egg with a clue telling them where they can find the next egg with a clue. Do this using all 12 eggs. You could even enclosed little candies to go in each eggs along the way.

Share the True Meaning Of Easter Together:

This date is sure to be one you’ll always remember. Who knows? It may become an annual celebration.

Tell us, have you ever shared communion together at home? 

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Taking part in the Challenge? Click on the GYRO Challenge button in the header and share with us what you did under Week #6. 

GYRO button

 

Posted in Celebrations, Christian Marriage, Creative Dates, Date Night Ideas, Dating Your Spouse, GYRO Challenge, Romance in Marriage, romancing your husband, romancing your spouse, romancing your wife, romantic date nights, Romantic Ideas, Spiritual Intimacy, The Gospel & Marriage | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Remember This One Thing Above All Else

Posted on March 21, 2013 by Debi Walter

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Sometimes we need to pause in the middle of our busyness, trouble and worries and remember this truth–God is Sovereign.

No matter what comes our way we can trust Him. We realize this is easier to say than to do. Trusting God in the midst of great trials and adversity isn’t something we can do in our own strength. This is why worship songs like this new one from Chris Tomlin’s album, Burning Lights, are so important. Music has a way of penetrating our doubting, fearful hearts in a way mere words cannot do.

We invite you to write down the things that are weighing on you today. Then press the play button and allow the Holy Spirit to infuse fresh faith into your trouble.

 

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Where Hearts Connect And Spirits Collide

Posted on March 20, 2013 by Debi Walter

above

The following is a quote from Sam Storms’ book The Hope of Glory:

“What things below hinder our focus on the things above? What earthly entanglements exert a downward drag on your soul? What worldly attractions have become distractions and keep your mind off Christ? What fleshly affections compete for Him? The power to disengage from and triumph over all such rival pleasures will come only as we see and savor Him who is above.”

Marriage, from the moment we return from our honeymoon, is about learning to see and savor Christ in all aspects of our relationship. Left to ourselves this would never happen. Life has a way of encompassing everything in its path unless we purpose to fight the tide and swim upstream. It takes a concerted effort on both spouse’s part. It takes talking together about what you’re currently asking God to help you overcome personally. It takes admitting to your spouse when you aren’t getting what you had hoped to get. It takes talking on the deepest level where hearts connect and spirits collide. This is the one flesh nature of the marriage relationship.

Let’s take each of Mr. Storms’ questions and consider them in light of our marriage right now:

  • What things below hinder our focus on the things above? Is it your job situation, your finances, dealing with parenting issues or caring for elderly relatives? Take time to talk about these things and how you can purpose to put your mind on things above.
  • What earthly entanglements exert a downward drag on your soul? Does your job or ministry drag you down? Do you find yourself longing for a vacation away from it all? What do you think God is after in your heart in regard to this downward pull? These are good questions to ask the one person who knows you best–your spouse.
  • What worldly attractions have become distractions and keep your mind off Christ? The best way to answer this question is to ask yourself where it is your mind goes when you want to forget all the trouble. Is it movies? Food? Video games? The computer? How about being connected all the time through your smart phone? Try taking a break from the one thing that draws you most and see how it effects your heart.
  • What fleshly affections compete for Him? There should be nothing we enjoy more than spending time with Him. It’s easy to replace our affections for Him with things in the here and now. Things like our marriage, our children, sports, reading…anything we would rather do than spend time with Him is an area competing for our affections. The best antidote to this mindset is to talk about it with your spouse. Ask them to help you combat this temptation.

The best way to grow in our ability to see and savor Christ is to purpose to do it and to ask Him to help us change.

Much of our lives take place on auto-pilot. If we would but start each day asking God to help us make much of Him, we believe He would gladly answer such prayers. The problem is we usually give this no more than a passing thought.

May we encourage you to not let another day pass where you and your spouse aren’t purposing to make the most of each day the Lord has so graciously given you? We never know when the door of life as we know it today will close, bringing with it a brand new normal.

Let’s cherish the now we’ve been given, and do all we can to glorify Him in our personal lives and in our marriage.

Which of Mr. Storms’ questions hit home with you in a personal way? What can you do to change your normal?

Posted in Christian Marriage, communication, Growing Strong Marriages, Spiritual Intimacy, The Gospel & Marriage | Tagged , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Ever Had Mustgoes?

Posted on March 19, 2013 by Tom and Debi
Image Credit: starbulletin.com

Image Credit: starbulletin.com

Sure you have! It’s the food leftover in your refrigerator that “must go,” before it goes bad.

Well, marriages have mustgoes too. They are the things we allow too long in the fridge of our marriage, and they can go bad really fast. How can you tell if you have mustgoes? Simple, your marriage starts to stink.

From: Root Downward/Fruit Upward blog

From: Root Downward/Fruit Upward blog

Think about the following list and ask yourself if you’ve stuffed some of these things way back in the back of your relationship. If you have, it’s time to clean the mustgoes out! In fact, I think tomorrow is garbage day–perfect timing.

Marriage Mustgoes:

  • Complaining to others about your spouse’s lack in any area.
  • Harboring bitterness and resentment towards your spouse.
  • Thinking disrespectful thoughts you would never want them to hear.
  • Ignoring requests.
  • Denying sex for punishment.
  • Lying to your spouse to avoid conflict.
  • Abusive treatment of any kind: physical, verbal or emotional.
  • Flirting with a member of the opposite sex. (Social media included)
  • Idolizing your spouse above the Lord. He must have first place in your heart.
  • Permitting ill thoughts about your spouse to linger.

We could go on, but you get the idea. See how bad a marriage like this would smell? It seems so obvious when you read the list in black and white. But things turn a bit gray when we’re examining our own heart. This is why God instructs us to deal with the log in our own eye before going after the speck in our spouse’s. No one knows you better than your spouse, at least this is how it should be. And the same can be said of you towards them. Go after the mustgoes in your relationship, otherwise your marriage may end up on the curb.

What things in your marriage are mustgoes? Are you willing to do the hard work and clean out the mess? There’s no time like the present to do what needs to be done.

Click the little picture above for more bullets to help you examine your marriage.

Posted in Christian Marriage, communication, Conflict, Difficulty, Forgiveness, Growing Strong Marriages, The Gospel & Marriage | Tagged , , , , , | 15 Comments

Downton Abbey Date Night Idea

Posted on March 18, 2013 by Debi Walter

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I don’t know how we hadn’t heard of Downton Abbey until recently, but we hadn’t. However we’ve managed to catch up on all three seasons in three short months. 🙂

When our GYRO Challenge was to pick a country as an at-home theme, we couldn’t resist the chance to have an authentic Downton Abbey dinner set in the beautiful country of England. To begin click on this link to listen to the music of Downton Abbey from Pandora as you read this post. It will add much to your read as it added to our dinner date.

I (Debi) took on the role of Mrs. Patmore for the dinner preparations, and Tom became Mr. Carsen as he picked the wine, set the table perfectly and lit the candles. After dinner was ready we changed into our proper dinner attire, although it was a bit on the casual side since Tom only had a black tie. Very frowned upon in Downton Abbey for the evening meal, as Matthew Crawley soon discovered.

In researching authentic recipes from the period, I was surprised to discover just how much went in to each course. The Huffington Post provides some excellent information on the subject:

There is a lot to love about the show. The characters are all compelling in their own way, and it is fascinating to watch a household that functions as a tiny town. But what we particularly love is how much cooking and eating takes place during each episode. Meals were a big part of life during the Edwardian period. The noble class used it as a way to, quite literally, taste their social status. They ate four times a day — breakfast, lunch, teatime and dinner. And the dinners were particularly elaborate, ranging from six to 22 courses! (emphasis mine)

We cut our dinner down to only four courses, and we were stuffed by the dessert. 🙂

Our first course consisted of a delicious Creamy Watercress Soup garnished with blue cheese crumbles and breadcrumbs.

Watercress Soup Watercress Soup

Our second course was a palette cleanser of Meringue Nests with Roasted Rhubarb and Strawberry Sauce.

meringue nests

Our Third course was by far our favorite–Lamb Stew with Lemon and Dill served over a bed of Orzo.

Lamb stew

Our Fourth course was Apple Confit with a scoop of vanilla bean ice cream.

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We played Pandora Radio Station of the Downton Abbey Sound Track.

It was a perfectly wonderful night together and got better when Mr. Carsen showed up after dinner to do the dishes. Mrs. Patmore was quite relieved.

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We ended the night be watching the next episode in our quest to finish Season 3.

What we love about this time period as depicted in this series is the respect people showed to one another. Of course, there are the inconsiderate and those who fake their respect, but for the most part the etiquette is sincere. I believe we have lost something very precious in our modern culture. Maybe this is why Downton Abbey has become so popular in the United States. Maybe we do long for a bit more tradition and manners.

This date was one we will always remember fondly. And we may just do it again next year during Season 4. After all, we only hit on 4 courses of the potential 22 course dinner menu. That leaves three more dates to try without repeating a recipe. Below is a gallery of photos from our date. We hope this will inspire you to try such a date yourself. You will be ever-so pleased.

Posted in Christian Marriage, Creative Dates, Date Night Ideas, Dating Your Spouse, Dinner Dates, Growing Strong Marriages, GYRO Challenge, Romance in Marriage, romancing your husband, romancing your spouse, romancing your wife, romantic date nights, Unique Dates | Tagged , , , , , | 14 Comments

GYRO Week 5 – Interlocking Pieces Date Night

Posted on March 15, 2013 by Tom and Debi
Photo Credit: anais events blog

Photo Credit: anais events blog

Of course we could have called it a Jigsaw Puzzle Date Night, but that doesn’t sound nearly as much fun, now does it? 🙂

Here’s the idea:

  • Purchase a puzzle the size you could complete in one evening. This is very important! We bought a 1,000 piece (tiny pieces, I might add) puzzle on our month get-away in October and never finished it. It was sad to put it away having not finished what we started. 
  • Take one piece out of the box and give it to your spouse the morning of the date. Tell them to bring it to your date that night, for it has special significance.
  • After dinner and the kids are in bed lay out all the pieces of the puzzle, make your favorite drinks, put on your favorite music and enjoy a quiet evening of conversation while interlocking pieces. Purpose to talk about all the ways God has pieced all the circumstances in your life to get you where you are today, including how you met and were married. We all have stories of how God has miraculous ordered the events of our lives to accomplish things we would have never imagined.
  • Have your spouse put the piece you gave them that morning on the table.  Tell them that when he/she finds where it fits, you’ll advance to the next puzzle*…with a twinkle in your eye.

*The next puzzle is made up of two people whom God has joined together as one flesh. Celebrate the way you fit together perfectly by making love. 🙂 You’ll never think of doing a puzzle together in the same way again!

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Taking part in the Challenge? Click on the GYRO Challenge button in the header and share with us what you did under Week #5. 

GYRO button

Posted in Cheap Dates, Date Night Ideas, Dating Your Spouse, Fun Dates, GYRO Challenge | Tagged , , , , | 2 Comments

Measuring Trust In Your Marriage

Posted on March 14, 2013 by Tom and Debi
Photo Credit: Measuring Usability blog

Photo Credit: Measuring Usability blog

Trust is one of the most important aspects of a healthy marriage. With it the marriage can grow and change as prompted by the Lord without difficulty. The benefits will be enjoyed by both husband and wife. Without it the marriage will stagger and vacillate over every decision, even the leadings of the Lord, and the costs will be high to both.

Stephen Covey, author of The Speed Of Trust, wrote an article taken from his book about the importance of the Trust Factor in business titled, How The Best Leaders Build Trust. We believe it applies well to marriage:

Think about it this way: When trust is low, in a company or in a relationship, it places a hidden “tax” on every transaction: every communication, every interaction, every strategy, every decision is taxed, bringing speed down and sending costs up. My experience is that significant distrust doubles the cost of doing business and triples the time it takes to get things done.

By contrast, individuals and organizations that have earned and operate with high trust experience the opposite of a tax — a “dividend” that is like a performance multiplier, enabling them to succeed in their communications, interactions, and decisions, and to move with incredible speed.

Concerning a lack of trust–

Mr. Covey is absolutely right; When a husband and wife lack trust in their relationship every conversation is drawn out with lengthy explanations of the who, what, when, why and how, of it all. Every word spoken has an invisible question mark above it wondering if they really mean what they are saying, why are they saying it, etc. It is a losing conversation from the beginning.

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Good communication requires trust as its foundation. Otherwise, the words spoken may or may not be true. This is taxing to say the least as it takes withdrawals from the good of the marriage. Left unaddressed a marriage without trust is doomed to fail.

Concerning a foundation of trust–

When decisions needs to be made in a marriage where trust is the foundation, they are discussed and usually decided upon quite quickly. They are free to go about their day without the weight of an unresolved decision. And they are unencumbered when the next decision has to be made.

Mr. Covey provides a checklist that will be helpful in determining what areas, if any, in regard to trust on which you need to work.  Here they are:

13 Behaviors of High-Trust Leaders Worldwide (and successful marriages)

1. Talk Straight
2. Demonstrate Respect
3. Create Transparency
4. Right Wrongs
5. Show Loyalty
6. Deliver Results
7. Get Better
8. Confront Reality
9. Clarify Expectation
10. Practice Accountability
11. Listen First
12. Keep Commitments
13. Extend Trust

He ends his article with some excellent advice:

The best leaders recognize that trust impacts us 24/7, 365 days a year. It undergirds and affects the quality of every relationship, every communication, every work project, every business venture, every effort in which we are engaged. It changes the quality of every present moment and alters the trajectory and outcome of every future moment of our lives — both personally and professionally. I am convinced that in every situation, nothing is as fast as the speed of trust.

How is the Trust Factor in your marriage? What area/areas do you find lacking? Are you paying unnecessary taxes or reaping dividends?

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Stephen M. R. Covey is the author of The Speed of Trust: The One Thing That Changes Everything

Posted in Christian Marriage, communication, Conflict, Difficulty, Growing Strong Marriages, The Gospel & Marriage | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

9 Tips On How To Spring Clean Your Marriage

Posted on March 13, 2013 by Debi Walter
Photo Credit: Imperfect Homemaking blog Photo Credit: Imperfect Homemaking blog

There was a day when people invested time and energy in cleaning their home from top to bottom each and every spring. I know because we lived next door to a dear woman for 12 years who did this faithfully each year. Her name was Mrs. Schrum. I was so impressed with the amount of effort she put into cleaning the surface of all things horizontally and vertically in her home. It was nothing short of inspiring! And did her house smell fresh and clean.

She even washed all the walls. I had never heard of such a thing. But then, I was raised quite spoiled. I didn’t have to do any cleaning growing up, which I wouldn’t recommend for anyone. It has made my responsibilities much more of a challenge as a wife and mother. <sigh>

Why am I bringing up all this talk of cleaning?

Because I think our marriages could learn a thing or two from Mrs. Schrum. We would do well to pay close attention to all the nooks and crannies of our relationship.

We want to provide you a quick check list of spring cleaning tips for your marriage. Cut it out and refer to it often, not just when the birds are chirping and the flowers blooming!

Photo Credit: World Homes Online

Photo Credit: World Homes Online

  • 1. Clean the windows – make sure you are being transparent with your spouse about, well – everything! There should be no secrets. Open the windows and let the fresh air in. Do you welcome outside inspiration from friends, teachings or books?

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  • 2. Move the furniture and clean underneath – is there anything in your marriage you’ve lost and forgotten? Ways you used to romance each other. Kindnesses you used to show before life got so busy? Plan to elevate these things back into your everyday life. You will be reminded how much you enjoyed them before they got shoved unknowingly under the couch.
Photo Credit: ehow.com Photo Credit: ehow.com
  • 3. Sanitize the bathrooms – there is no more intimate or private room in the home than the bathroom. And it is the one room that should be cleaned the deepest and the most often. So too, with our sexual intimacy. ( yes, I’m really comparing our sex life to the bathroom. lol) Pay close attention to your ways and keep the marriage bed pure. Make love often and watch your relationship shine!

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  • 4. Polish the furniture – Dust reveals places no one has touched recently. If dust is accumulating on the furniture, it is one of the first things guests notice in a home . May your marriage be dust-free. Celebrate often all God has given you in your marriage. May there be no areas in your relationship where the dust of neglect has had a chance to settle.
Photo Credit: Homeguides Photo Credit: Homeguides
  • 5. Mop the floors – this is my least favorite household chore. It requires one to bend and stoop, push and pull, wring and flex. It’s hard work! I liken this to being willing to do the things your spouse doesn’t enjoy as a way to serve them. Tom has mopped many a floor to bless me because he knows I don’t like it. Are you willing to stoop down and do something to bless your spouse in this way?

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  • 6. Clean and organize the closets and drawers – many useful things are stored in places where you can’t see them. We shove them back in place when we’re in a hurry. It produces clutter and chaos instead of order and beauty. When was the last time you sat with your spouse to talk about your schedules and your priorities? Sometimes having another help you organize your time gives a new perspective you wouldn’t have thought about on your own. Try setting aside some time–take out all the things in your “closet” that are making your life feel cluttered, and ask your spouse how they would reorganize the mess.

 

Photo Credit: down-bedding-delights Photo Credit: down-bedding-delights
  • 7. Air out pillows in the sunshine – our pillows are used everyday. They need fresh air from time to time to put the life back in them. The saying goes, “a clear conscience makes a soft pillow.” Be sure to keep your conscience clear. How can you tell? If there is anything that causes your heart to skip a beat when you think of talking to your spouse about it. Don’t delay–air out what’s on your mind. You’ll sleep better and your marriage will be guarded as a result.

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  • 8. Sanitize phones and door knobs – these are the things we use daily to open the doors of communication. Deal with what’s in your heart before attempting to talk with your spouse about what’s in theirs.

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  • 9. Clean light fixtures and ceiling fans – It’s hard to imagine what our life would be like without electricity. It is a gift we often take for granted. In the same way the light of the Gospel affects everything we do, both personally and in our marriages. It’s easy to take this gift from God for granted. Regularly pray together in an effort to not forget the gift we’ve been given.

What other areas can you think of that needs regular cleaning to keep your marriage healthy?

Posted in A Fragrant Aroma, Christian Marriage, Growing Strong Marriages, Priorities, The Gospel & Marriage | Tagged , , , , | 22 Comments

What’s In Your Thoughts?

Posted on March 12, 2013 by Debi Walter
Photo Credit: The Funky Mirror Co.

Photo Credit: The Funky Mirror Co.

As Christians we are well versed on the Truth that God knows our thoughts, but do we really take this Truth to heart?

We subscribe to an e-mail devotional that takes the writings of several Puritan writers and re-publishes them for our benefit today. One of my favorites is James Smith. His words never fail to take a well-known Truth, hold it up to the mirror of my current situation, and bring illumination to where there was once darkness.

(James Smith, “God Knows Our Thoughts” 1859)

“I know your thoughts!” Job 21:27

Do we pay sufficient attention to our thoughts?

Every thought has a character–it is either good or bad.

Every thought produces an effect–it either sanctifies or depraves.

Sin begins in thought;
holiness begins in thought;
misery begins in thought;
happiness begins in thought.

Thought decides the state of man–hence the Bible says, “As he thinks in his heart–so is he.”

We cannot tell what a man is by his words, nor always by his acts–but if we could get at his thoughts, we could. God attends to our thoughts, and he wishes us to do so. He asks, “How long shall your vain thoughts lodge within you?” He testifies, “I know the thoughts that come into your mind–every one of them!” Not only so–but Jesus has declared, “I am He who searches the thoughts and the heart!”

Reader, God knows the thoughts that come into your mind!

What thoughts are you allowing yourself to think? Are they thoughts to encourage your growth in godliness? Or are they thoughts you would rather no one else know? Your answer makes all the difference as to where you and your marriage will be in the years to come.

Spend time talking with your spouse about the things currently weighing on your mind.

Your spouse is God’s gift to you of close companionship in this life. There should be nothing you can’t share together. Sometimes it can be humbling to admit the things you’re afraid of or worried about, BUT GOD promises to give grace to the humble. Grace to resist sinful thoughts. Grace to turn from tempting thoughts. Grace to resist worrisome thoughts.

So, what’s in your thoughts right now? Are you willing to share them with your spouse?

 

Posted in Christian Marriage, communication, Growing Strong Marriages, The Gospel & Marriage | Tagged , , , , , , | Comments Off on What’s In Your Thoughts?