When Honesty Hurts

Posted on September 17, 2012 by Debi Walter

We all know that honesty is the best policy when it comes to business, social media, and acquaintances. But what about marriage? What if the words you need to say are going to hurt your spouse? Like confessing sins committed against them, a lack of feelings towards them, or correcting a sensitive issue that is or could affect your relationship.

If you’ve been married longer than a year you’ve most likely experienced one of these times. It isn’t a fun place to be. We had one of these moments this past weekend while at the beach. I shared something with Tom, but prefaced it with, “I need to share something with you. Can I?”

Of course he said yes, but it didn’t make it any easier. It wouldn’t be a romantic moment, that’s for sure! But it was a necessary moment, one I knew I had to dive into if we were going to do what a strong marriage requires–share everything together, the good and the bad. I really didn’t want to, but the Lord was compelling me to be open and honest (there’s that word) with Tom.

It wasn’t a sin issue. It wasn’t a correction issue. It was simply me sharing with him things going on in my heart, in my mind and in my life. I felt vulnerable–even after 33 years of marriage I can still feel vulnerable. Tom has proven he is a safe place for me to run to. He loves me. He cares for me. Yet this was still hard.

After I shared my thoughts and struggles with him, he was obviously affected. It hurt him as I knew it would, because when you love someone you hurt when they hurt. But it was his silence that proved to be the hardest for me.

We drove home from the beach without saying a word. I had no more words to say. And I didn’t have a clue how to help him help me. So I prayed and cried.

When I got home I was so tired from the struggle I went to bed. I know, you’re not supposed to go to sleep on your anger, but I wasn’t angry. These types of struggles are not often solved in a day. It takes time and space for the Lord to do what only He can do–mature us and grow us closer to each other through the struggle.

On Saturday afternoon our church was hosting a mini-conference on Relationships. It was timely indeed. We worshiped the Lord, listened to great teaching and testimonies on the importance of God-honoring relationships. We didn’t hear anything new, but what we heard would help us renew our love and commitment to each other.

That night as we sat in our family room to talk over everything–the issue, the silence, the conference, it was as if the Lord entered the room and reconciled our hearts together. He reminded us both of the value conflict brings to a marriage. It is in the struggle that He is able to burn away the dross and produce something that lasts. It was one of those experiences we know we’ll never forget.

Sadly, many marriages avoid the hurt and pain of honesty. I know I would if I could, yet this is where growth occurs. This is the place of becoming more like Christ and more one flesh in nature.

It is a miracle!

How honest have you been with your spouse through the years? Do they know what things you’re currently struggling with? Are you willing to be vulnerable for the sake of growth, or do you provide a safe place for your spouse to be vulnerable with you?

Posted in Christian Marriage, communication, Conflict, Difficulty, Growing Strong Marriages, Seasons of Life, Spiritual Intimacy, The Gospel & Marriage | Tagged , , , , , , , | 8 Comments

Joy In The Rhythm of Life

Posted on September 14, 2012 by Tom and Debi

It is 11p. as I’m writing this post. We’ve had a busy day going our separate ways, doing the things we need to do.

Tom had doctors appointments, phone calls about business opportunities, and an after dinner get together with a friend for his birthday.

I had a lunch get together with life-long girlfriends, a rescheduled afternoon tea to celebrate the 9th birthday of a dear friend’s daughter, a phone call to comfort another friend facing separation from her husband and possible divorce, and talking with one of my daughters about parenting issues.

But what I love most about the life God has given us, in the midst of all these interruptions and planned events as husband and wife, is the everyday routine of it all. Tom is grinding his coffee beans so they’ll be ready first thing in the morning as he sits to have his quiet time with the Lord. The dishwasher is working to clean the dishes from the excellent dinner our daughter and her boyfriend cooked for us for dinner last night. There is a joy to be found in the rhythm of life, those things we do everyday without thought.

When we were first married we didn’t know what the beat of marriage was all about.

We had to think through everyday decisions. But slowly, over the years we’ve heard the cadence and started joining in to the constant pounding of life as it is lived to glorify God.

Can you hear the rhythm? It is there in all circumstances. It is the rhythm of God’s heart beating for you…for me. He gave His all so we could join into the march of the ages. A march that will continue moving forward until the Day…that glorious Day when we will finally, at last, see Him face to face. This is where true joy is found–in Him–no matter the trouble, no matter the difficulty.

If you sit still long enough we think you’ll hear it.

Posted in 100 Joys, A Fragrant Aroma, Christian Marriage, Growing Strong Marriages, Seasons of Life | Tagged , , , , , , | 6 Comments

Dinner Date Night Ideas

Posted on September 13, 2012 by Debi Walter

We’ve all experienced the not-so-pleasant moments when you have a dinner date night scheduled, but nothing planned:

“Where do you want to go for dinner?”

“Oh, I don’t know, you pick!”

“I don’t really care one way or the other.”

Tom has learned that this type of conversation can quickly spiral into an argument if we’re not careful.

We can easily fall into a rut of going to dinner to the same restaurant time after time and never venture out to try something new. There’s nothing wrong with having a favorite place, but to never try something different prevents you from ever finding new favorites.

This is like a traveler taking the same road year after year without ever trying a different road just to see what they’ve been missing.

One year on a family vacation to Breckinridge, CO, we decided to experience off-roading. Our three children were teens and didn’t want to go with us, so Tom and I got in our rented 4 x 4 and hit the trails – literally. We  had a blast! We followed one road that took us over a 14,000′ mountain and the view was incredible. It was mid-July and we were surprised to see glacial ice patches due to the high altitude and lack of direct sunshine. It was something this Florida girl had never experienced before, and I was thrilled!

Our kids missed out because they wanted to do the same old things: play video games and  such. It was their loss, but they didn’t know what they had missed.

Our date nights can become the same way–predictable and uneventful.

This is why we are offering some Dinner Date Ideas to help you break away from the highway and enjoy the new sights and sounds of a dining adventure.

  • Passport Dates – This is a way to travel the world without leaving your city. Pick a different country each date and explore the world one meal at a time by going to a asian, italian, mexican or vietnamese restaurant. Test your taste buds–you may find something you didn’t know you liked. (The link will take you to a series of posts by our friends, The Taulbees. They did the passport dates for a year and wrote a guest post about each one. She had some great ideas!)
  • Alphabet Dates – Start at the beginning of the alphabet and eat your way through all 26 letters. You can go out for some and stay home to cook others. You could even buy take-out to bring home after the kids are in bed.
  • Quest For Your Favorite Dish – we did this for Fish and Chips trying them at different restaurants all over Orlando. It took a while, but we finally found our favorite – a small, family owned restaurant named of all things: Fish and Chips. You could look for your favorite cake restaurant, steak, BBQ, Mexican, whatever. Or work your way through your own categories.
  • Classy Dinner Picnic – This is one of my favorites. Pack a card table, table cloth, real dishes and silver ware. Set up your table at a nearby park that is open in the evening. Don’t forget lighting and bug repellant. We have a park in the middle of one of our favorite towns – Winter Park – where great restaurants line the Avenue. Instead of packing the food, Tom walked across the street and ordered take out. When he got back we transferred the food to our dishes. This way our food was hot and fresh, and neither of us had to cook or clean up. Very romantic!
  • Round-Up Dinner Date – Try going to one restaurant for an appetizer, another one for your main entree and another one for dessert. This one can be expensive, but if you use Groupon it could cut your costs way down making it affordable.
  • Finally – Use Urbanspoon to find great restaurants wherever you are. Each restaurant has a  rating based on those who have actually eaten there, usually the locals. We have found those restaurants with a 90% or higher rating are usually always good. This greatly reduces the risk in trying a new place, plus you can use this when traveling to other cities too!

What Dinner Dates have you tried that were out-of-the-ordinary. We would love to hear what’s worked for you!

Posted in Christian Marriage, Date Night Ideas, Dating Your Spouse, Dinner Dates | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

She Loves Me…She Loves Me Not

Posted on September 12, 2012 by Tom and Debi

We were in the car recently talking about the following, and we want to share our conversation with you.

We’ve all heard this common verse repeated by hopeful lovers while removing each petal from a daisy. When the last petal is taken your fate with this person is supposedly revealed.

It’s child’s play.

But is it really? Can’t we, as married couples play this game in regards to how we judge our spouse’s actions towards us, questioning their love for us based on our disappointment?

Think about these common scenarios:

  • Your husband forgets to call home when he’s running late from work.
  • The wife fails to complete the one task her husband specifically asked her to do that morning.
  • The husband fails to keep his commitment to pray together before they go to bed.
  • The wife falls asleep while her husband is telling her about his difficult day.

Our first thoughts can be, “If he/she really loved me they would make sure they did the one thing they said they would do.”

How we react to similar situations reveals the maturity level of our relationship. Thinking the best is really the best for our marriage. Instead of saying, He loves me…he loves me not. Next time repeat this to yourself: he loves me, he loves me, I know he loves me. And see if it doesn’t help prevent the inevitable pity party we can often throw  ourselves. And it might help take your marriage to the next level of maturity as well.

Posted in Christian Marriage, communication, Conflict | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Cherish.Love.Live.

Posted on September 11, 2012 by Tom and Debi

This is the day we remember.

This is the day we will never forget.

It is the day when we hold our loved ones a bit closer.

And pray to God more earnestly.

We will never be what we were before that day 11 years ago.

We can never return.

But we can choose to never take for granted the life and love we’ve been given each and every day.

For we never know when we will breathe our last.

Never neglect to express your love.

Never forget what you’ve been given.

Then there will be no regrets for the life you’ve lived or the love you’ve shared.

They are both gifts.

Cherish.Love.Live.

Posted in A Fragrant Aroma, Christian Marriage, Priorities, Purpose, Seasons of Life, Thankfulness | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Our Winners!

Posted on September 10, 2012 by Tom and Debi

It’s hard to believe Summer has come and gone, but we have proof. Our Summer Lovin’ Photo Contest was sizzlin’ right up until the very end. Thank you to all who entered and thank you to all who took the time to vote! It was fun watching the final minutes as the winners were secured. The votes were really close.

Now to announce the winners:

3rd Place – Kyle and Leah VanCleave, celebrating 4 years

2nd Place – Dion and Annie Ricketts, celebrating 22 years

1st Place – Paul and Paula Balluff, celebrating 20 years

Congratulations! Please e-mail us your mailing address so we can get your prizes sent to you right away (theromanticvineyard@gmail.com). Thanks again. What a fun contest and what a great demonstration of how great marriage can be. We had lots of comments about the happiness expressed on each couples’ faces. Great job!

Posted in Christian Marriage, Contests, Growing Strong Marriages, Summer Lovin' Photo Contest | Tagged , , , | 7 Comments

Happy Hour

Posted on September 7, 2012 by Debi Walter

It’s been awhile since we’ve posted our Happy Hour. It’s certainly not because there aren’t any good posts to read. In fact, it’s quite the opposite. With our newly formed Christian Marriage Bloggers Association the members have stepped up to the plate and are hitting some home runs. Take some time over the weekend to explore the following marriage blogs. We know your marriage will greatly benefit by doing so.

And don’t forget to vote for your favorite photo in our Summer Lovin’ Photo Contest. The voting ends at 10p. Sunday night!

Now for our Specials of the Week for your weekend reading enjoyment:

Encourage Your Spouse

Happy Wives Club

Journey To Surrender

  • Marriage Vital Signs – part 3 of an excellent series you must read. Scott provides a link to the first two posts for your convenience.

Marriage Gems

One Flesh Marriage

The Generous Husband

  • Relax, I Got This – Do you crave control? Not sure? Paul provides a great list for starters to see if you’re being stealth about this damaging trait.

The Generous Wife

  • Let Him Finish – Do you tend to finish your husband’s sentences? Don’t do it!

To Love, Honor, and Vacuum

  • Getting Over Your Husband’s Sexual Past – Did your husband have other sexual relationships before you were married? Did you? How you think about this can either free you or hold you back in your marriage.
Posted in Blog Love, Christian Marriage, Growing Strong Marriages, Happy Hour | Tagged , , , , , , , | Comments Off on Happy Hour

Worldview Makes All The Difference

Posted on September 7, 2012 by Tom Walter

Photo Credit: theholeinourgospel.com

It’s hard to avoid the continual debate taking place in our country regarding the 2012 Presidential Election. Our primary focus here at The Romantic Vineyard is for the building and strengthening of marriages for God’s glory. So what do the two have to do with each other? Everything!

This fall we will elect one of two candidates to be our next President. The platforms of the two parties couldn’t be more at odds in regard to their view of marriage. It is a decision one shouldn’t make lightly, nor without studying for yourself the issues at stake.

We believe marriage to be between one man and one woman as designed by God from the beginning.

This is a Biblical conviction, not one of our own making. We fear God and love Him wholeheartedly. He is the only reason we have any hope to share with you concerning your marriage.

Albert Mohler has written an excellent article explaining and comparing  the two party’s platforms. We stand together with a hearty AMEN, to this excellent, thought-provoking column. We encourage you to take the time to read it to see where your worldview is lining up this election year.

The Great American Worldview Test – The 2012 Election

by Albert Mohler

American presidential elections are the world’s most public display of the democratic process. The global media follow the American elections with a fervor that is easily understood — what happens in an American presidential election matters all over the world. Our presidential campaigns are political pageants and electoral dynamos. But, as any honest thoughtful observer will understand, our elections are also great worldview exercises. We reveal our worldview by our vote.

This is particularly true of the 2012 election. The presidential nominees of the two major parties represent two very different worldviews and visions. President Barack Obama and Governor Mitt Romney have adopted policy positions that place them in direct conflict, and the platforms of their respective parties reveal two radically different renderings of reality.

Years ago, Governor George Wallace of Alabama remarked with disdain that there is not “a dime’s worth of difference” between the Democrats and the Republicans. In a sense, he was at least partly right. A look back at the platforms of the two parties in the 1950s and 1960s reveals little division over many of the issues that now frame our national debate. Some of today’s issues were simply missing, of course, given the fact that they were not even part of the national conversation. But on issues of the economy, foreign policy, the function of government, and a host of other issues, the parties held positions that were far closer than is the case today. Divisive issues such as the war in Vietnam would be addressed with different policy proposals, but the platforms of the two parties reflected a shared moral and political framework — a truth that would shock many Americans today.

All that changed with the social and political divisions that came with the 1968 and 1972 elections, when the Democratic Party experienced its great transformation concerning a host of social issues.

Continue reading…

It is good from time to time to take a step back and get the long-range view of what you believe and more importantly, why you believe it. If you don’t know the answer to the latter, we encourage you to find out! It is a question we answer each day with every choice we make.

“Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.”
(Hebrews 12:1-2 ESV)

Posted in Christian Marriage, Growing Strong Marriages, The Gospel & Marriage | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

A Dozen Daytime Date Ideas

Posted on September 6, 2012 by Debi Walter

Okay. You can’t find a babysitter for your normal night out, but she is available on  Saturday. We want to provide you with some ideas for this very special Daytime Date.

  • Go out for brunch. Finding a place with nice outdoor seating is a bonus.
  • Play golf, putt-putt, tennis or beach volleyball.
  • Go on a hike, run, or bike ride to enjoy the passing scenery. Don’t forget your camera.
  • Go to the beach or lake for a refreshing swim or walk along the shore. If it’s too cold to swim, try flying a kite together.
  • Rent a convertible and go for a drive in the country. If you can’t afford this option, borrow a convertible from a friend, if you can.
  • Go on a literary picnic. Pack your favorite novel and plan lunch around the setting of the book. Take turns reading the book aloud to each other. Or camp out at your favorite bookstore and peruse the aisles for a new favorite.
  • Go to a movie matinee. Sit on the back row and kiss often. 🙂
  • Go canoeing or kayaking on a river.
  • Go geocaching.
  • Visit a local museum.
  • Go to a farmer’s market and pick up your favorite food for dinner.
  • Play a board game in a local park, like Scrabble, Chess or Checkers.

The most important part of a regular date together is keeping the enjoyment of each other’s company at the forefront. In the busyness of life this is often the first thing to be neglected, but at what cost! Your relationship will still be there after all your children are grown and gone. What it looks like then depends on how you invest in it now.

Have you voted in our Summer Lovin’ Photo Contest yet? You have until Sunday at 10p. EST to do so.

Posted in Date Night Ideas, Daytime Dates | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 11 Comments

Revised – Summer Lovin’ Photo Contest Top Ten

Posted on September 4, 2012 by Tom and Debi

[Please note – We accidentally sent out a post too soon at 8a. This is the final edition of today’s post. Sorry for the confusion.]

We want to send out a special thanks to all who entered our contest. It was so much fun to travel the world with you through your pictures, but we can only choose 10 finalists. It wasn’t easy, but we’ve done it.

Look at each photo and then vote for your favorite in the poll at the end.

If you’re new to our Vineyard, we encourage you to sign up to receive our posts via e-mail so you won’t miss out on our next contest. We love to bless couples with opportunities to win a date night out on us. So what are you waiting for? You could be among our next winners!

The Top Ten Finalists:

Photo #1
The Stolp’s – Celebrating 21 years

Photo #2
The Anderson’s – Celebrating 8 years

Photo #3
The VanCleave’s – Celebrating 4 years

Photo #4
The Balluffs – Celebrating 20 Years

Photo #5
Pam and Kimon – Celebrating 14 years

Photo #6
The Ricketts – Celebrating 22 years

Photo #7
The Doss’s – Celebrating 25 years

Photo #8
The McGuire’s – Celebrating 17 years

Photo #9
The Jessee’s – Celebrating 40 years

Photo #10
The Sutrich’s – Celebrating 4 years

Posted in Christian Marriage, Contests, Summer Lovin' Photo Contest | Tagged , , , , , | 15 Comments

It’s Just Another Day

Posted on September 3, 2012 by Debi Walter

Since Tom is not working for the time being, this Labor Day feels like every other day we’ve had since mid-July. It is strange, but nice at the same time. 🙂

How do you handle life together when it becomes predictable? boring? Even the best marriages face these times because we’re all human, and humans get bored. What makes the difference is what you turn to when you’re bored.

We’ll talk more about this later.

In the meantime, have a happy and safe Labor Day off with your family and friends.

Don’t forget–you have until midnight tonight to enter our Summer Lovin’ Photo Contest!

Posted in Christian Marriage, Contests, Growing Strong Marriages, Holidays, Summer Lovin' Photo Contest | Tagged , , , , | 1 Comment

It’s Time – Contest Deadline Fast Approaching

Posted on August 31, 2012 by Tom and Debi

We have had an ongoing contest this summer, and it’s been fun to see your creativity in sharing how many years you’ve been married. The contest deadline is fast approaching – Monday night at midnight. If you don’t remember the rules you can read them by clicking here.

If you haven’t yet taken a photo while on vacation we encourage you to take one this weekend whatever it is you’re doing–backyard cookout, trip to the lake or beach, cleaning the garage. This is a contest to celebrate Summer–give us your best shot of what this summer has been for you and your spouse, and don’t forget to include the number of years you’ve been married. We can’t wait to see what you’ve been up to this summer.

And, we must remind you of our Romantic Labor Day ideas.

They’re listed under the Only Husbands and Only Wives tab at the top of the page. We love making the most of holidays and romancing your spouse is a privilege we never want to take for granted. Even the simplest of gestures can mean the most.

Have you entered our contest yet? If not, what’s keeping you from doing so? If you need help on how to enter, please don’t hesitate to ask. We really want you to win, and you can’t win if you don’t enter. 

Posted in Christian Marriage, Contests, Holidays, Romantic Ideas, Summer Lovin' Photo Contest | Tagged , , , , , | 3 Comments

Why We Do The Things We Do

Posted on August 30, 2012 by Tom and Debi

This is our 1,001st post. It is an appropriate time to remind ourselves of something very important.

We have had the privilege of having the same pastor for most of our married life. He and his wife are two of our closest friends. There is a question he would often ask us as a check on what motivates our serving. It was this:

Why do you do the things you do, and who do you do them for?

This is a good question for us to ponder today as we look ahead to our next 1,000 posts. We hope our answer has been made clear to you, but in case you’re not sure we are sharing the following worship song with you. It was written and recorded by Matt Redmon. This is the only reason we are devoting our lives to help marriages grow strong–it is for the glory of God alone.

Take some time to quiet your soul while you worship God with us today. If He didn’t love us first we would have no hope of ever loving Him or each other in the way He intended marriage to be.

Lyrics:

This is how we know
This is how we know what love is
Just one look at Your cross
And this is where we see
This is where we see how love works
For You surrendered Your all

And this is how we know
That You have loved us first
This is where we chose
To love You in return

For You so loved the world
That You gave Your only Son
Love amazing, so divine
We will love You in return
For this life that You give
For this death that You have died
Love amazing, so divine
We will love You in reply, Lord

This is how we know
This is how we know what love is
Just one look at Your cross
And this is where we see
This is where we see how love works
For You surrendered Your all

And this is how we know
That You have loved us first
This is where we chose
To love You in return

For You so loved the world
That You gave Your only Son
Love amazing, so divine
We will love You in return
For this life that You give
For this death that You have died
Love amazing, so divine
We will love You in reply, Lord

Our love will be loud
Our love will be strong
Our love shall be hands and feet
That serve You in this world
So let us stay true
And let it endure
That You will be glorified
And worshiped and adored

For You so loved the world
That You gave Your only Son
Love amazing, so divine
We will love You in return
For this life that You give
For this death that You have died
Love amazing, so divine
We will love You in reply, Lord

Savior of the world
King Jesus we love You
For we have been loved
King Jesus we love You
For we have been loved
King Jesus we love You
For we have been loved
King Jesus we love You
For we have been loved

Posted in Christian Marriage, Growing Strong Marriages, Music, Priorities, Purpose, The Gospel & Marriage, Worship | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 7 Comments

Our 1,000th Post!

Posted on August 28, 2012 by Debi Walter

It’s true. It came upon us so suddenly and yet, it does seem a long time since we began this blogging journey with all of you in our vineyard.

We have laughed.

We have cried.

We have been encouraged.

And most of all we have learned more about US by writing for YOU.

God is the One who has led us this far and the One who will continue to draw us closer to Him as we open our eyes and ears to hear what He is saying to us regarding the sacred union called marriage.

Thank you a thousand times for your comments, your encouragements and your friendship. We love opening our heart, life and home to you as we seek to glorify the One who created it all. We pray the next 1,000 posts will find us even more in love with each other and our Savior.

Now, our gift to you is this beautiful video based on the book by Ann Voskamp titled, One Thousand Gifts.

“This is how you spend your one life well.”

Posted in A Fragrant Aroma, Christian Marriage, Growing Strong Marriages | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | 13 Comments

5 Ways to Avoid Suspicion In Marriage

Posted on August 27, 2012 by Debi Walter

Suspicion is a helpful tool when you’re trying to solve a murder mystery–everyone is suspect. But when suspicion hits close to home it can actually cause great harm in a  relationship.

We live in a culture of suspicion. Politicians are held suspect just because they want to run for public office. Celebrities are suspect because…well, they’re always guilty, right? Those who are charged with a high-profile crime are almost always considered guilty until proven otherwise. This is due in large part because of the publicity given the case.

What is suspicion anyway?

Merriam-Webster defines it: 

a : the act or an instance of suspecting something wrong without proof or on slight evidence : mistrust

b: a state of mental uneasiness and uncertainty :doubt

In marriage to be suspicious of your spouse without cause or proof is a form of distrust. It is a cancer that will eat away at the health of your marriage. Like the media that runs with a story for its rating potential–whether or not it is true–we give audience to a similar voice when we listen to a suspicious voice in our heart about our spouse.

The Bible says we should take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ. This includes thoughts that seek to charge our spouse with being guilty when we have no reason, except a “feeling” that they are guilty as charged.

No one likes to be charged.

No one likes to be judged.

Yet we often do this to our spouse without regard. Why? Why is it so easy to hold our spouse in suspicion when they’re supposed to be the ones we love the most?

I believe the answer is simple.

We have an enemy who is constantly whispering in our ear. The wise spouse realizes his voice and resists it as a falsehood. We must not give ear to such charges.

But what if there is something that is a valid reason to question our spouse? What do we do if something isn’t measuring up in the way we think it should. I believe there are 5 ways to help us avoid suspicion and discover the truth.

First, pray. Ask God to help you accurately discover the truth. After all it is the truth you need to know, not a suspicion.

Second, find a time to talk with your spouse about your concern. Make sure it is when you can both be attentive and when you’re not overly tired.

Third, never attach motive to your observations. Only God can discern the heart of a man/woman, and forming an opinion about why your spouse did something before you know the truth, is the same as charging them guilty before ever hearing their case. It is wrong. Don’t do it!

Fourth, believe the best of your spouse. Many arguments occur because we tend to think the worst about others. He did that because he doesn’t trust me to do it his way, or She said that about me because she loves herself and how she appears to others more than she does me. 

Fifth, in order to believe the best about our spouse we must think the best about our spouse. It isn’t our job to hold them suspect–arresting them and hoping God gets them. No, it is our job to love them, pray for them, be their biggest advocate to the Father on their behalf. You’re on the same team, the same side of the courtroom. Even if your spouse has sinned against you and God, it is our job to love them back to righteousness, not condemn them to hell.

In what ways have you been suspicious of your spouse? Was it founded or just laziness of thought? Which of these steps will you embrace to change this way of thinking?

_______________________________________________

We have one week left in our Summer Lovin’ Photo Contest!

Don’t forget to submit your photo for a chance to win!

Posted in Christian Marriage, Difficulty, Growing Strong Marriages | Tagged , , , , , , , | 13 Comments

United In Pros[e] and Cons

Posted on August 25, 2012 by Debi Walter

We are privileged to be a part of the Christian Marriage Bloggers Association. It is amazing to meet so many like-minded couples who desire to see marriages become all God intended them to be. We are all in this together, like one grand story being told across the internet. So I took some time to actually write in prose a story that includes the title of every member’s blog in the CMBA. I pray it encourages you to realize marriage is alive and well and help is only a click away.

______________________________________

There once was a Genuine Husband who at one time was a Rebel For His Cause, yet by his own honest assessment said his Shocking Marriage was lacking Intimacy in Marriage. The pros and cons of life were seeking to destroy all he and his wife had hoped for. He longed to Live, Simply, Love, but he knew he needed a Marriage Mission. One that would Elevate Your Marriage and help it become A Grown Up Marriage.

His wife would say when she became a Christian Mommy Blogger they had A Desert Experience which happened while she was Becoming His Eve. Their For Better Or Worse needed to Think Biblical Thoughts. They ended up needing to start back at  Square 1 Ministries to help them with The Marriage Bed. The Marriage Guy and Gal suggested Writing Out My Rehab, an idea provided from The Marriage Concierge.

They explained it takes commitment to be Intentional By Grace to Encourage Your Spouse on a daily basis. It requires complete focus like posting Do Not Disturb signs for a season, shutting out all other distractions. You see a healthy marriage is a Journey To Surrender where God provides Manna For Marriage in order for Marriage Works. All we have to do is ask.

My Beloved Is Mine is still a Mystery32 where One Heart Beat can result in a Stupendous Marriage–a One Flesh Marriage. This is God’s will for all marriage covenants, especially those with a Chronic Marriage.

But what about those who need Affaircare? What about the Messy Marriage? Is there any hope for them to have a Peaceful Wife that helps them discover True Agape?

Yes, we believe there is! Reading the Young Wife’s Guide proves there are Warrier Wives willing to fight for a good marriage. She realizes The Respected Husband is drawn closer to a Hot, Holy and Humorous wife.

Is it possible to be Too Darn Happy? No, happiness is the result of pursuing holiness in marriage.

God’s Help For Marriage comes in many forms. The ultimate goal of a Marriage By Divine Design is that it is Graciously Authentic which leads to a Passionate Christian Marriage.

Pearl’s Oyster Bed is the place to find your own Marriage Gems to help you break The Alabaster Jar where Redeeming Marriages takes place with one Romantic Act of the Day at a time. This husband discovered that The Romantic Vineyard hosts the Marriage Dance for all couples wishing to keep their Marriage In Motion. If it is Marriage Life they’re longing for, then setting their goals to be The Generous Husband and The Generous Wife becomes their priority. No one was more surprised to realize they had indeed become the Mission:Husband and the Mission:Wife.

Now they serve each other in a way To Love, Honor & Vacuum creating a home that glorifies God. This husband thanks God for allowing their marriage to reflect the Maranatha Life.  By God’s grace they are once again united in pros and cons enjoying The Pure Bed of marital bliss.

Posted in Blog Love, Christian Marriage | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 23 Comments

Romantic St. Augustine, FL

Posted on August 24, 2012 by Debi Walter

Guest blogger Allie Olsen of Simply St.Augustine hopes you’ll have one of your most romantic getaways ever in the historic city of St. Augustine, Florida! Before you go, like Simply St. Augustine on facebook and follow on twitter @SimplyStAug

As the sun rose over the glassy Atlantic Ocean, I dug ten polished toes into the cool sand and leaned my head on my hubby’s shoulder. We were celebrating 14 years of marriage with a vacation; waking up to the calm ripple of waves on the seashore felt as familiar as relaxing in my man’s arms.

I’m a Florida girl. I’ve never lived more than 2 hours from the ocean- and since marriage it’s always been within 30 minutes. Chris loves being on the water- so when we chose our anniversary spot, it didn’t take much deliberation. Even though we could go anywhere we dreamed while sweet friends were staying with our six children, we vacationed in our hometown… paradise… St. Augustine, Florida.

We’re lucky to live here. The nation’s oldest city offers everything needed for a romantic getaway: uneven brick streets lined with quaint shops and creative cafes, great beaches and beautiful parks. So I started thinking… what if I only had 24 hours in St. Augustine? How would I spend it?! It was easier than I expected to narrow it down! I hope my “local favorites” inspire you to spend some time in the most romantic, oldest city in the USA!

24 Hours in St. Augustine

Since most of the 19,000,000+ people who live in Florida don’t live in St. Augustine (we only have 13,000 residents), I’ll assume you’re driving here. Take off work a little early, put on your favorite playlist and hit the road. St. Augustine has many Bed & Breakfasts in the historic district (you can check TripAdvisor to pick a good one, I love Bayfront Marin, Bayfront Westcott and Carriage House). If you’re wanting a posh hotel in the center of it all, I vote for the Casa Monica Hotel. It’s the only 4-star hotel in town- valet your car and travel back in time to a slower pace where you stroll, hop on a pedicab or enjoy a carriage ride to get around town.

If you arrive late, no sweat. Cobalt Lounge (in the lobbby) has great live music on the weekends- you can order off the bar menu or the dinner menu. Slip into your bathing suits for an evening swim or put on your walking shoes and hit the town. Two other spots with great late-night ambiance and fantastic food are Michael’s Tasting Room and Tini Martini Bar. You can’t go wrong- each offers live music and delish food.

At the end of the night, settle into your comfy bed and your honey’s arms for a great night’s sleep- you still have a full day to enjoy St. Augustine!

Wake up when you want to Saturday morning… most places serve breakfast late. Stroll across the Plaza de la Constitucion to Kookaburra {who serves up locally roasted coffee} or Casa Maya {for authentic Mayan dishes, not your ordinary breakfast!} for breakfast.

Once, my hubby & I grabbed coffee and pastries then caught a trolley for a 70-minute tour of all the history and attractions. Hop on & off as desired- if you’re new to our city, I suggest riding all the way around while eating breakfast 😉 and then choosing your favorite stops to visit.

The one thing every visitor must do is visit the Castillo de San Marcos. This stone fort was started by the Spanish in the 1600’s and has never been defeated. Displays were updated last month; enjoy learning about hundreds of years of the history of US. Imagine how many sweethearts have strolled across the green toward the Matanzas River and gazed out through the inlet at the ocean… If the weather is nice, relax by the water and look for dolphins and manatees.

Oh, one other thing every visitor must do is stop in Claude’s Chocolates, above. Claude hand-makes each incredible truffle and I’ve never been disappointed! Chris likes milk chocolate and the Sea Salted Caramel, I love dark chocolate like the Spicy Mayan and Earl Grey.

Lunch should be at Cafe Alcazar, below. Located in the {drained} deep end of the world’s largest indoor pool, it is the best lunch spot in town. Portions are generous- you can likely split an order and still leave completely satisfied!!

After lunch, spend the heat of the day wandering through the Lightner Museum- you’ll catch a glimpse of the easy splendor St. Augustine embodied at the turn of the century (1900, that is). The opulence of the former hotel is still breathtaking as is the collection of antiques- from Tiffany stained glass to an Egyptian Mummy. I suggest asking for the children’s scavenger hunt- you’ll see things you would’ve walked right past without it!

You have time to hop back on the trolley and hit another attraction, relax on a boat tour or play a lighthearted game of mini-putt-putt; ask your consierge or the trolley tour guide for directions. Sometimes, though, my hubs & I don’t want our getaways packed with to-do’s. St. Augustine is a great walking town, you’re bound to discover your own favorite shops, architecture and random treats like The Hyppo and Fudgebuckets.

We only have 24 hours… and the timer is ticking! We’ll play “choose your own adventure” and I’ll leave you with two choices for the end of your time away.

Harry’s Seafood Restaurant offers balcony seating with a view of the river or courtyard seating with live music. You may already be familiar with Harry’s- they have restaurants across the state in Lakeland, Ocala, Gainesville and Tallahassee. Their New Orleans inspired menu, great live music & 2 bars keeps the place hopping, so call ahead to get on the wait list.I love their Redfish entree- and please save room for the chocolate bread pudding!

If you’re not ready for dinner yet but are headed South on your drive home, go ahead and hit the road. My favorite beach dive is an hour South of St. Augustine and I want to introduce you to Snack Jacks. You can take A1A all the way down for a relaxing, oceanside drive. Snack Jacks is a few minutes past the Flagler Beach Pier- one of the few restaurants actually on the dunes. We always sit on the picnic tables outside and order the spicy fish tacos or a fish reuben then splash in the water while we wait for dinner. It’s a special spot for me and the hubs, we love the “Old Florida” ambiance of being barefoot on the beach.

As you drive the rest of the way home, you’ll likely be planning your next trip to St. Augustine. You’ll see glimpses of the lighthouse, our expansive beaches, beautiful Mission of Nombre de Dios, fun attractions, arched doors nestled in stucco walls and so much more to entice you back. That’s part of the romance- enjoy discovering your newest old favorite! It’s not busy Orlando or dolled up Savannah… it’s Simply St. Augustine.

Posted in Celebrations, Christian Marriage, Guest Post, Romantic Vacation Ideas | Tagged , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Romantic Orlando: Discovery Cove

Posted on August 23, 2012 by Debi Walter

Discovery Cove is Sea World’s all-inclusive park that is limited to only 1,000 guests per day. I took Tom there for his birthday Monday, and we had the best time! A friend told us it felt like you were at a spa all day, and they were right.

From the moment we arrived we felt every need was anticipated; one employee noticed Tom’s glasses and pointed him to Customer Service where he could get a prescription mask for snorkeling the Reef. Wow. What a nice touch.

All the food and drinks were included in the price of the park, so we didn’t have to carry any money with us. They provided a locker, snorkel gear, lazy river noodles, towels and lots of wildlife to admire, feed and touch.

Although we didn’t pay the extra money to swim with the dolphins, we did get to snorkel with manna rays, lots of tropical fish and even swim next to the glass enclosed shark tank. One shark swam right up to window and glared at me through the glass. It was scary to imagine what he would have done if the glass wasn’t there.

It was a perfect day. Although not an inexpensive date, this park is well-worth saving up for for a special occasion. We recommend arriving at 7:30a. Breakfast is served at 8:00a. The park opens at 9:00a and closes at 5:30p.

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Posted in Anniversaries, Birthdays, Celebration Dates, Celebrations, Christian Marriage, Date Night Ideas, Orlando Date Ideas, Outdoor Dates, Romantic Orlando, Summer Sizzlin' Dates | Tagged , , , , , | 7 Comments

I Choose Us

Posted on August 22, 2012 by Debi Walter

It was one of those date nights where you think it’s normal and predictable, but I was soon to learn otherwise. Tom and I had decided to watch a movie at home, something we rarely do on date nights because of the lack of conversation. But this movie sounded like it would be worth it.

The Family Man was the movie starring Nicolas Cage and Tia Leoni.

The story tells of man who had a woulda coulda shoulda moment and the lesson he learned in the process. I won’t spoil the story for you if you haven’t seen it and would like to. But there was one line “Kate” said that affected me deeply.

You see, at the time, Tom and I had lived in our home for nearly a decade. Our three children were in their teens and our house seemed much smaller than it did when we first bought it.

Tom was considering a move.

I was hoping for an addition.

Painting of our home – a gift from Tom’s Dad.

We live in a neighborhood surrounded by long-time friends, many of whom go to the same church we do. We do life together, and our memories are precious. I am the sentimental one in our marriage. I tend to cling tightly to people I love and the memories I hold dear. This is not necessarily a good thing. God is teaching me along with Tom’s help the importance of holding all things loosely and leaving God to decided what He will give and what He will take away. It isn’t easy, but peace always follows when I am willing to surrender to His will for my life.

Oh my, that was a rabbit trail. Sorry. I pray it was for someone who needed to be encouraged by my current challenge. Anyway, back to the movie. I was trying to follow Tom’s lead in the decision, but I was afraid he would choose for us to move. It was an emotionally charged season for me, for us.

I have heard it said that the reason movies or books resonate with us and maybe not others is because of the touchstones in the story. We all have them. Something is said or shown that triggers a special memory from your own life and suddenly you’re drawn into the story as if you were the main character. It’s happened to me countless times, this being one of them.

Kate, the female lead in the story was struggling to follow her husband’s lead in a decision as to where they would live. (See the touchstone? I was riveted!) Below is what she said:

You know, I think about the decision you made. Maybe I was being naive, but I believed that we would grow old together in this house, that we’d spend holidays here and have our grandchildren come visit us here. I had this image of us all gray and wrinkly, and me working in the garden, and you repainting the deck. But things change. If you need this, Jack, if you really need this, I will take these kids from a life they love, and I’ll take myself from the only home we’ve ever shared together and I’ll move wherever you need to go. I’ll do that because I love you. I love you, and that’s more important to me than our address. I choose us.

This link will allow you to see the scene from the movie–it’s a powerful demonstration of what marriage is meant to be, and we encourage you to take a moment to watch it.

I’m crying again just remembering it all. God spoke to me in that moment saying I could follow Tom anywhere because this was more important than my hopes and dreams for the future. I chose us!

And Tom was affected in a similar way. He ended up choosing for us to stay here in our home adding on some much needed space. This is the place where I can work in the garden and he can pressure wash our back deck and where we are welcoming our kids and grandkids into our home as often as they wish to come. ❤

There is one special place in our family room that I insisted be built for the grandchildren we didn’t yet have. It is a padded window seat surrounded by fluffy pillows and all my favorite childhood books. I knew one day, if God so allowed, we would have grandchildren who would love this little spot in our cozy home.

Willow enjoying my window seat with Pooh

Now 9 years later, we have 5 grandchildren, and my dream has come true. They love their little corner built for them years before their parents were even married. Isn’t God good the way He leads us to the plan He has for us? Had we moved, I know God would have given me lots of memories in our new place. But I am grateful for the twenty years we’ve called this house our home. And today, TODAY, my newest granddaughter, Stella Grace will come to our house for the first time in her two months of life. This Nana is very excited to show her my window seat. 🙂

What memories do you have of your home? Have you ever been affected by the touchstones in a movie or book as well? How did it help you or encourage you?

Posted in Christian Marriage, communication, Conflict, Difficulty, Growing Strong Marriages, Movie Dates | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 11 Comments

God Is Always Listening

Posted on August 21, 2012 by Debi Walter

We love hearing testimonies of God’s love and grace in the marriages of friends and acquaintances. God is always at work in our marriage helping us grow more in love with Him and each other, yet we often forget His nearness.

We want to share with you the following testimony of two dear friends as they celebrated a special occasion in their marriage. We pray it will open your eyes to see the ways God is listening and caring for you in the everyday moments of your life.

Meet Dave and Donna Akers

We want to tell you of a really neat thing that happened yesterday!

First of all…it was our 39th wedding anniversary! That alone was neat 🙂 But, yesterday, as Dave and I were sitting in an Ormond Beach restaurant called Alfies, we were thinking back to the day of our wedding. It was about the same time of day that our wedding started. As we were waiting on our server to return we started naming things we remembered about that special day. Then it happened…we hear the restaurant music strike a familiar chord in our pondering ears….”We’ve Only Just Begun,” by the Carpenters was playing!!! That was our wedding song!!!! We haven’t heard it in years and just as it would have been time for our wedding to start 39 years ago….today, sitting in a restaurant we hear once again…our song!! And…today, it brings another special meaning to us!

As Dave said…it’s just another reminder that He is in it!!! And…God shows up again…so tenderly to tell us He loves us!

Congratulations Dave and Donna. Thank you for the example your marriage is to all who know you. We pray God will continue to help you find “the place where there’s room to grow.” 

We dedicate the following song to you:

Posted in Christian Marriage, Growing Strong Marriages, Testimonies | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments