Happy Hour

Posted on March 15, 2019 by Debi Walter

I have finally found time to read other blogs and I am being blessed in the process. Some are not marriage blogs, per se, but the truths can be applied to your marriage. I pray these selections will cause your faith to be built as you look up from what troubles you today. And by all means, share these excellent memes on your social media platforms. It’s a great way to promote healthy marriages to all who know you. Have a blessed weekend!

Living Our Days

  • When You’re Sitting In The Winter Room – Michele writes this metaphor beautifully. While her words cut to the heart, the Truth is what will set us free from this deception we can all fall prey to. Please if you have time to read only one post–make it this one. It’s that good!

  • A Deep and Delighted Love – The love story of Jim and Elisabeth Elliot as told through a new book titled, of Devotedly. This is Michele’s review.

Gary Thomas’ Blog

Gary Thomas shares insightful truth about the danger of Self-Righteous Christians.

  • The Demonic Danger of Self-Righteousness – Gary touches on a topic many of us may have not thought about seriously. May I encourage you to read it and see where you fall on the Self-Righteousness scale? It will benefit your soul and your marriage.

The Forgiven Wife

Feel Free To Laugh

 

Posted in Christian Marriage | 7 Comments

Listen, Ask, Repeat – A Key To Effective Communication

Posted on March 12, 2019 by Debi Walter
Learning this one thing in marriage can make the difference in the quality of your intimacy.

I’ve spent 24 of the last 35 days away from home helping to care for our daughter and her family post-surgery. Tom was with me most of that time.

A great benefit of retirement is that what I used to do alone we can now do together. I love it!

However, the final four days Tom was no longer with me. I flew home alone on Saturday. Saying goodbye to my grandkids is always difficult for my Nana heart and quite emotional. Given the fact that it had been a long time since I was alone made my emotions that much more prominent. Add to this, I was tired and less able to control the oncoming flood. I found it ironic that the tears fell from my eyes as the plane lifted from the runway. I hadn’t cried in a long time. There were so many emotions swirling in my mind all I could do was pray and ask God to help me unpack all I was feeling.

Once home, Tom and I were able to talk but it wasn’t easy.

Even after 40 years of marriage, communication about deep emotions can be challenging. Especially when you are so different in this regard. I didn’t even know where to begin. So Tom asked a couple of good questions, which helped me put into words what I was feeling.

When I finished sharing, his first response was how to help “fix it”. I laughed and said, “It’s not about the nail!”

Communication can be a difficult task. It takes commitment to listen without interrupting each other. It also takes patience to repeat what you heard to make sure you fully understand. Assumptions never help in this regard.

Listen to your spouse.

Ask questions to give clarity.

Repeat what you heard them say.

You both may discover you are more equipped than you think to help each other change and grow. An added benefit is that intimacy increases with such communication. 

How have you grown in your ability to communicate? 

 

Posted in Christian Marriage, communication | Tagged , , | 6 Comments

Making Up For Lost Time

Posted on March 8, 2019 by Debi Walter
When was the last time you planned something your spouse wasn't expecting? Daylight Saving Time is a great way to make up for lost time.
Photo by NeONBRAND on Unsplash

When was the last time you planned something your spouse wasn’t expecting? Since Daylight Saving Time begins tomorrow night, why not think of a way to surprise them this weekend as a way of making up for lost time. 🙂

Although the time is passing fast, I want to bless you with a memory that will last.

As I spring forward into the future with you, let’s make it worth our while by what we do.

Spring follows Winter the same time every year. I thank God that He’s given me you to hold dear.

  • Prepare their favorite breakfast for Saturday morning.
  • Clean out a part of the house or garage that has been on their to-do list.
  • Have their car detailed, or detail it yourself.
  • Secure a babysitter and take them out on a surprise date.
  • Draw a hot bath for them with soft music and their favorite drink.
  • If your spouse is always cold, warm up their side of the bed with a hair blow dryer. Or try this with their slippers.
  • Buy a bouquet of Spring flowers to brighten up the final gloomy days of Winter.
  • Go for a walk after dinner as the sun is setting.
  • Talk about your Spring Break plans. Dream together of what you could do to make it memorable.

What are some other ways you could make up for lost time this weekend?

Posted in Romance in Marriage, romancing your spouse, Romantic Ideas | Tagged , , | Comments Off on Making Up For Lost Time

Ash Wednesday Traditions in Marriage

Posted on March 6, 2019 by Debi Walter
Consider how Ash Wednesday might help your marriage this year. Spiritual Intimacy is a vital part of a healthy marriage.
Photo by Grant Whitty on Unsplash

Today is Ash Wednesday. The first day of Lent–marking the first of 40 days leading up to Easter Sunday. The most important season on the Christian calendar

Most of you are probably familiar with the traditions surrounding this day–fasting from something for 40 days as a way of sacrificial thanks for what Jesus has done for us. Growing up Protestant, I never observed Lent. However, there is much good to be found in this age-old tradition.

Why not talk about what you could both fast from for the next 40 days. It could be television, a certain show you both enjoy, a certain food or drink, or an activity or hobby you could set aside for these few weeks. Tom and I have agreed to fast together, and I am looking forward to what God will do in our hearts as a result.

Ash Wednesday also serves another purpose, to remind us of our mortality.

The familiar ashes on the forehead is a tangible reminder that we all came from dust and to dust we will return. It’s a known fact that no one who has ever been born gets out of this life alive. We are all destined to die and after that comes the judgment, as the Bible faithfully proclaims. It is good to consider the hereafter. Talk about it. Pray about it. Consider what a privilege each day together on this earth is to you.

We have many friends who have said goodbye to their spouse in this life. It is a sad, lonely journey that no one can walk through for them. Comfort comes in different ways. When my Dad passed away, my Mom found comfort in serving others. She began cooking for those who were sick. She would visit them, send them cards and pray for them. She said it helped keep her from feeling sorry for herself. She was a strong woman, far stronger than me, but I respected her resolve to give her life away in the midst of such grief.

I believe that thinking about our mortality helps us keep that which is most important in view.

It motivates our choices and helps us make a priority of the things that will matter for eternity. This is Spiritual Intimacy at its best–connecting what God is saying to me with what God is saying to my husband. When we talk about it our hearts are drawn closer together as well as to God.

May your Ash Wednesday be holy and lead to a more intimacy in your spiritual life as husband and wife.

Posted in Christian Marriage | Tagged , , , | 1 Comment

Cut Off The Fuel That Feeds The Fire

Posted on March 4, 2019 by Debi Walter

Always be kind. That’s what our parents taught us growing up. “Kindness begets kindness,” they would say. But in the heat of the moment many forget to put their kindness on display.

I remember my husband telling me about an incident at work. There was an angry customer who was lighting in to our Service Manager, not sparing her the ugliest of adjectives. In a final huff of impatience he said, “Can I talk to your supervisor?” She sent the call to Tom warning him of the storm on hold.

When Tom answered he was ready for the confrontation.

“Hello, This is Tom, can I help you?”

“What’s your position there!” the irritated man demanded.

“Well, right now I’m sitting down.”

There was a pause on the other end and then laughter. The formerly angry man said, “You got me there!” And the argument was defused. Tom was able to (masterfully in my opinion) help him by bringing resolve to the situation that had riled him up in the first place. This doesn’t always work with humor. Sometimes it takes mere kindness and lots of patience. But being on guard and ready to offer kind words will most certainly keep the fight from escalating.

Kindness does that; It cuts off the fuel that feeds the fire.

I believe this would work in marriage as well. It takes two to fight, and if one of you comes to the table with kindness it might rewrite your typical ending. Of course this is only possible by allowing the Lord to work on your heart. Ask Him for help in controlling the angry outbursts. You may be surprised at how sufficient His grace is for you in your time of weakness. After all, it is a promise!

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

Posted in Biblical Encouragement, Christian Marriage, communication, Conflict, Growing Strong Marriages | Tagged , , , | 1 Comment

Doing This One Thing Helps Anniversaries Become A Lasting Memory

Posted on February 24, 2019 by Debi Walter

40 years! Today marks our 40th wedding anniversary. I started a tradition I didn’t know was a tradition until I had been doing it regularly each anniversary. It’s one of those things that has become precious to us as the years have passed.

When I was planning our wedding in 1979 I was given a Bridal book to record the details of our plans.

Photo Credit: Etsy

It included a section to record gifts given and also served as the guest book for our wedding. In the back there were blank pages that I used to write how we celebrated our 1st anniversary when we went to the Florida Keys and stayed right on the water. It is a fun memory.

I continued to write what we did each year. Some years we went out to eat. Some we had a romantic dinner at home. Some we were able to getaway for a night or two. In 1984 (our 5th anniversary) I was recovering from the Caesarean birth of our second baby; a sweet girl who had been born two weeks prior. We made plans for us to celebrate later.

Our anniversary list has grown longer as the years have passed, and each one makes us smile as we remember.

Remembering is what anniversaries are all about. It’s looking back at the faithfulness of God in your marriage and thanking Him for how far you’ve come.

When is your wedding anniversary? How have you helped to make it a precious memory? It’s never too late to begin.

As for us? This year Tom is taking me away to a Vineyard near our daughter’s home since we are helping to care for her post surgery. Reminds me of our 5th anniversary when she was born. We are anticipating the real celebration later this year.

Happy Anniversary, Tom. Thank you for filling our lives with memories both difficult and wonderful. Each one brought us to where we are today, and I wouldn’t change any of it. Our story belongs to us alone. Love you, Babe.

Posted in Anniversaries, anniversaries, Celebration Dates, Celebrations, Christian Marriage | Tagged , , | 10 Comments

Lessons Learned in 40 Years of Marriage – Part II

Posted on February 22, 2019 by Debi Walter

Stinging words can impact a marriage in a negative way. The enemy loves to use this one tactic to bring division. Be aware of it and flee!

Has your spouse ever spoken words to you that had a sting to it? The kind that seemed out of character for them? Oftentimes our feelings override our reason and keep us from bringing the situation to a peaceful resolve.

A few years ago Tom said something that was totally out of character for him. Rather than believe the best about him and overlook it, I took it to the next level of conflict. I listened to the voice in my head that was using scripture in a way that seemed right at the time.

What I heard was, “Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks!” Luke 6:45B

I used this scripture to declare Tom guilty by the words he used. After all, he said it because it was in his heart. No matter what he said to me in remorse, I couldn’t let him off the hook. Had I realized one important fact, it would have spared us months of conflict.

What is the one fact? I had taken the Bible verse out of context.

This is a tactic the enemy of our souls used against Jesus while He was tempted in the wilderness. And the same tactic he used with Eve in the Garden. He chose only the second part of the verse to help me build my case against Tom. Had I read the entire verse I would have seen that this verse doesn’t apply to Tom at all, or the conflict we were having.

“The good person out of the good treasure of his heart produces good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure produces evil, for out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks.”

This verse is talking about the difference between those who are good and those who are evil. To use this scripture the way I had done was unbiblical, even though it sounded right. Which brings me to another verse I should have remembered…

“There is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way of death.” Proverbs 14:12 ESV

Our conflict lasted a year because of my misapplication of scripture.

Lesson learned: If you are in the midst of conflict and using scripture to justify your stance, take time to look it up. You may discover the voice you’re listening to isn’t wisdom, but folly. Taking Bible verses out of context is a ploy of the enemy, and the remedy is to flee!

Posted in anniversaries, Biblical Encouragement, Celebrations, Christian Marriage, Keeping It Real | Tagged , , , | 5 Comments

Lessons Learned in 40 Years of Marriage

Posted on February 19, 2019 by Debi Walter

Lessons learned in 40 years of marriage.

This Sunday we will celebrate our 40th anniversary. Four decades of life lived side by side. This week we will take a look back on some of the lessons we’ve learned thus far. It has been worth every tear, every heartache and every disappointment, because on the other side of the hard times were unexpected joys!

The year was 1979.

When we first got married we didn’t realize the value this one thing was to a healthy marriage.

We were young. We were in love. We had our entire life ahead of us and the possibilities seemed endless. We had never lived in the same city since we started dating. So not having to say goodbye was wonderful.

Life came at us fast.

I had some unexpected health problems which required a hospital stay and surgery after only 3 months of marriage. Two months later we were relocated to the one city where I said I would never live–Miami, FL. We moved on my 20th birthday and because of this, Tom forgot about it. No gift. No card. No celebration. I was hurt, sad and lonely. This was just the beginning. My health continued to deteriorate requiring more doctor visits that lasted our entire first year of marriage.

Once we settled into our Miami apartment, we received a letter stating that our complex was converting to condominiums. Something that was happening everywhere in FL in the early 80’s. This meant we either had to buy or move. We had no choice but to pack up after only 4 weeks in our new place and move again. Ugh! The first move was paid for by Tom’s employer. The second move we had to not only pay for ourselves, but also we had to physically do the work.

Before we packed up and relocated, we were threatened by Hurricane David. He was heading right for us on Labor Day weekend. Had we taken a direct hit it would have been bad, since our 1st floor patio flooded from a normal rain storm. We were prepared though–a freezer full of Snicker bars and lots of Tab.

This is when we realized what we were missing–A church community.

I had grown up surrounded by church family and friends. This was the first time in my life that I didn’t have a community to help and support me through challenging times. I missed it.

We found a small bible-believing church where we got involved with the worship team, Tom on drums and me on vocals. It was a start. We were making friends, and we realized the benefit it was to have others in our lives. We also began growing closer to the Lord together. It was a foundation we had neglected and it felt good to be connected again.

We believe that we are who we are today in large part because of the investment our church family has made in us through the years.

We are grateful to God for this lesson learned.

Posted in anniversaries, Biblical Encouragement, Growing Strong Marriages | Tagged , , , | 3 Comments

Love Letter Discovery

Posted on February 18, 2019 by Debi Walter

We have talked for years about the lost art of writing heart-felt sentiments on paper. We came upon this report that will bring tears to your eyes.

May this inspire us to write our own love letters to each other. Such an intimate gift!

When Tom and I dated we lived 2.5 hours apart. We wrote lots of letter which helped to build our emotional intimacy. We cherish these letters.

We pray you will be inspired to write your heart on paper.

http://bit.ly/2MJusfS

Posted in Cherishing, Christian Marriage, Encouraging Your Spouse, Growing Strong Marriages | Tagged , , | 1 Comment

Gratefulness

Posted on February 15, 2019 by Debi Walter
Giving thanks the day after Valentine's Day for the love we share as husband and wife.
Photo by Simon Maage on Unsplash

Today is the day after Valentine’s Day. You may be basking in the glow of an amazing night with your spouse. You may be disappointed in the lack of love expressed to you yesterday, or you may be indifferent to it all. At any rate, you are still married and your love matters as much today as it did on the day you said “I do”.

Valentine’s Day is just one day of 365 in the year.

It isn’t any more special, unless this is the only day you express your love. We pray this isn’t the case. Marriage is worthy of celebrating all year long. This is why we have written a book that offers 365 Marriage Tips to help you stay focused on the one relationship that matters everyday of the year.

Pause today and thank God for one thing you love most about your spouse. And then when you have a chance express your thankfulness to your spouse. Even if you have said it a thousand times before…say it again!

“But exhort one another every day, as long as it is called “today,” that none of you may be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin.” – Hebrews 3:13 ESV

Posted in Biblical Encouragement, Cherishing, Christian Marriage | Tagged , , , | 3 Comments

Happy Valentine’s Day

Posted on February 14, 2019 by Debi Walter


Posted in Holidays, Love Songs, Music, Valentine's Day | Tagged , , , | 3 Comments

Your Past No Longer Defines You

Posted on February 13, 2019 by Debi Walter

Your past no longer defines you. For the Christian Marriage, this makes all the difference in how you relate to each other.

Did you know that if you are a Christian your past sins no longer define you? You are a new creation! If this is true, which I believe it is–why do we live as if our sin is who we are? I hear people say, “I’m lazy!” or “I’m no good!” or “I’m an idiot!” Our words have power to speak life or death and these words are not life giving!

I remember a season when I disqualified myself from helping other young moms because I felt all I had to offer them was a bad example. What I was really doing was allowing my sin to silence God’s grace in my life. We are all imperfect sinners saved by the grace and mercy of God. We can boast in our weaknesses and failures because of what Christ has done!

Am I perfect? Absolutely not! But I am His and that makes all the difference. If God sees me in Christ, shouldn’t I?

So many times I see the look of defeat and discouragement on faces. It can be men, women, or marriages. They are listening to the wrong voice. Our sin has a remedy and it is found in the cross of Jesus Christ. He nailed everyone of them there on that dark day in history. Who are we to take it back down and lament what has already been crucified?

Are you discouraged today in your marriage? Does it seem as if the same besetting sins are having their way with you and/or your spouse? Then I encourage you to repent if needed. But if you are being tormented by the accuser who constantly reminds you of the past, then stand tall and declare you are no longer bound by that sin! You are beautifully bought with the precious blood of Christ.

If it seems too much to unpack yourself, then seek help. Don’t delay. Your life and marriage is too precious to waste it wallowing in self-pity and despair.

I realize that if you are not a Christian, this post can be confusing. That is not in my heart for you. If you would like to know more about being free from the past and its failures please email me. This year I will celebrate my 50th year as a Christian, and I can’t imagine living any other way.

“He whom the Son sets free is free indeed!” – John 8:36

_______________________

This is our last post for our National Marriage Week Challenge to post each day leading up to Valentine’s Day. #NationalMarriageWeek2019 🙂

Posted in Biblical Encouragement, Christian Marriage, Forgiveness, Growing Strong Marriages | Tagged , , , | 6 Comments

6 Last Minute Valentines Ideas To The Rescue

Posted on February 12, 2019 by Debi Walter

There are couples who go all out for Valentines Day because they enjoy it. Whether you spend a ridiculous amount of money to dine out with the crowds (hardly romantic in my humble opinion), or maybe you buy stereotypical gifts because that’s what you are told you’re supposed to do. Valentines Day does not have to be a major expense. In fact, you can do it for no cost at all.

Thoughtful Valentine Ideas that are FREE:

1. Write a note to your sweetie on the mirror in your bathroom so they see it first thing in the morning. Or cover the mirror with red hearts using lipstick.

2. Send your spouse a secret message throughout the day by texting one word each hour. Send them out of order so they have no idea what you are saying until they unscramble the words at the end of the day. You could tell them what you want to do with them after the kids are in bed. You could tell them what you are making for a special dinner. Or you could make it a coupon to be redeemed at a later date. The key is to make it something that will make your spouse smile with anticipation.

3. Using red construction paper cut out hearts, then write out an attribute you love about your spouse on each heart. Tape them all over the house or the inside of their car. You could even hide them letting them find them throughout the day or following week. Make it easier on yourself and use Post-It Notes.

4. Send your spouse the lyrics to a love song along with the link for them to listen to it on You Tube.

5. Go for a drive outside the city after dark. Find a place to park. Take a blanket and sit on the hood of your car (or bring folding chairs) and look up for shooting stars. If you can’t afford a babysitter, take the kids with you. It is good for our children to see us doing romantic things together we enjoy.

6. Watch movie clips on You Tube to make each other laugh. See who can make the other laugh the hardest.

These are a few easy ideas to let your spouse know how much they mean to you. Taking the extra effort on days like this gives them something special on which to think.

__________________________

This is our sixth post for our National Marriage Week Challenge to post each day leading up to Valentine’s Day. #NationalMarriageWeek2019

Posted in Christian Marriage, Date Night Ideas, Free Dates, Holidays, Valentine's Day | Tagged | 2 Comments

The Necessity Of Light

Posted on February 11, 2019 by Debi Walter

We have two three-way lamps in our bedroom on either side of our bed. Each light setting provides a different purpose.

If I just want to make our room look nice and inviting, I’ll put it on the lower light.

If I’m wanting to read I’ll put it on the second light.

But if I need to take a close look at fine print or sew a button on a shirt, I have to put it on the brightest setting.

There was a day when no lamp was needed for any of these tasks. I can still hear my grandmother reproving me for reading in the dark. “You’re going to ruin your eyes!” She would say. I wonder if my need for reading glasses and bright lights to read is her prophecy fulfilled, or if it’s just what happens as we age. At any rate, light is necessary.

Marriage is similar in that we need to shed more light on our relationship the older we get.

When we were newlyweds, it didn’t take much to talk or to romance each other. It was all fresh, new and fun for the most part. Maybe it was because we were on the lower setting only and everything had a warm glow about it.

As the years pass we get to know each other on a deeper level. More light is shed on areas that may have not been noticed before. Things irritate us, and we have to talk more and learn what motivates our disagreements. And when we don’t like what we discover? We must turn the light of God’s Word upon our hearts and see what He want us to see in the conflict. The brightest setting is for those who wish to grow their marriage beyond the “we look good, so we must be good,” stage. That is superficial and leads no where.

What setting is your lamp currently? It may be time to take it up a notch and see what you discover. Check out our Date Night Questions on the tab above to help you in the process.

“No one after lighting a lamp puts it in a cellar or under a basket, but on a stand, so that those who enter may see the light. Luke 11:33 ESV

__________________________

This is our fifth post for our National Marriage Week Challenge to post each day leading up to Valentine’s Day. #NationalMarriageWeek2019

Posted in Biblical Encouragement, Christian Marriage, communication, Conflict, Growing Strong Marriages | Tagged , , , , | 2 Comments

Caution vs. Impulse

Posted on February 10, 2019 by Debi Walter

We are opposite in many ways and none more so than in this area of caution vs. impulse.

We will celebrate 40 years of marriage on the 24th of this month. Does this make us experts in all things pertaining to marriage? Not by any stretch of the imagination! What we are is experienced. We have learned many valuable lessons by living with each other.

Since Tom and I are opposite in many ways, it provides fertile ground for various conflicts to grow. None more so than his cautious approach to life and my impulsive nature.

I like to think I’m spontaneous! 😊

Of course there are times when being spontaneous or impulsive is good, fun even. I like to tease Tom how boring his life would be without me. He agrees. However, I shudder to think how my impulsive nature would have played out if left unchecked. I’m forever grateful for Tom’s solid, well-thought out way of doing life. Together we are better individuals.

In this day and age people tout their individual rights as if it is a godly virtue. But I believe God calls us to need the help and support of others to help bring us to a place of maturity in Him.

Tom’s patient weighing out of all options used to make me crazy!

Why can’t he just decide already, was a constant thought pattern. But I have discovered there can be much wisdom in his caution, as well as much foolishness in my impulse.

I asked him recently how he was able to decide to marry me after only three months of dating. He says he knew after our first date, but thought it would scare me away if he asked me that night; He would have been right. Funny isn’t it? Tom showed no caution when he knew God had given him clear direction to marry me. I guess that’s where we get the saying “leap of faith!” When God speaks we are ready to jump.

Don’t throw caution to the wind however, let it inform you when it is the best time to take the leap, then jump in with all you have. I’m so glad we did!

In what ways are you and your spouse different? Has it made you bitter or better?

_______________

This is our fourth post for our National Marriage Week Challenge to post each day leading up to Valentine’s Day. #NationalMarriageWeek2019

Posted in Christian Marriage, Growing Strong Marriages, Wisdom in Marriage | Tagged , , | 3 Comments

Every Marriage Deals With It

Posted on February 9, 2019 by Debi Walter

How much do you think deeply about the things that matter most? One thing required to think deeply is choosing to slow down. Thoughts are like timid animals–you must be still in order for them to make themselves fully known.

Today I am sitting on our couch thinking deeply about many things. One in particular is our commitment to marriage ministry, both online and in person. We carry this burden daily. It is our life’s focus to help marriages become all God intends them to be. People often look at us and get the wrong impression–thinking we just have a good marriage and that it’s been easy for us. You would be wrong. Not that our marriage isn’t good, but that it has always been easy. This is the greatest disadvantage of having an online presence. It gives a false sense of perfection if this is all you see.

How I would love to sit across the table from you at our local coffee shop and tell you stories of the struggle. Behind every struggle is a story of God’s faithfulness to grow and mature us, both individually and as a couple.

We have the privilege of getting to know married couples in our church through a 6 month community group that Tom leads. The couples commit to focus on their relationship for this specific amount of time and it has been quite fruitful. Especially for those couples who lean in with purpose and make the time to think deeply about where they are currently in their marriage and where they want to be.

One wife mentioned recently that she realized she had been comparing the fine print in her marriage to the highlights of all her friends’ marriages shared on Instagram and Facebook. It left her feeling discontent with what God had given her in her marriage and in her husband as well. This is not the way to live. We can’t compare our struggles with everyone else’s strengths! It’s like comparing apples to steak, two completely different types of food that are necessary to grow, but have different purposes.

Behind every positive post on social media, there is a lot of mess not shown. We do this all the time to make a photo look it’s best. We choose what to crop and what to keep. Take this photo for example…

I took this picture just now from my garden and it looks beautiful. It gives the impression that I am quite the gardener always pruning, weeding and fertilizing. But the following is what the garden really looks like at present…

Same photo, but the first was cropped to show only the good. Am I being deceptive in not showing the whole photo? Not intentionally.

This is what we do all the time on social media. Not necessarily because we want to hide the reality, but because we want to make much of the beauty. Think of what your friends share as “rejoicing with those who rejoice”. Realize there has been a lot of weeping if you were able to sit and talk with them at length as to how they got to where they are today.

Life is messy for all of us. Putting two people together to live under one roof who come from different backgrounds and traditions is also messy. We don’t have to highlight the messes on social media, but we must realize they are there, behind every beautiful shot captured. And the mess is what brings the beauty if you stay the course and push through it.

One Scripture that always makes me laugh is from Proverbs 14:4. It is written by King Solomon who was the wisest of all Kings to ever live.

Yes! Every marriage is going to have messes to deal with, but what you do with the mess makes all the difference. I’d much rather have the potential an ox provides than a clean manger. Wouldn’t you?

__________________________

This is our third post for our National Marriage Week Challenge to post each day leading up to Valentine’s Day. #NationalMarriageWeek2019

Posted in Christian Marriage, Keeping It Real | Tagged , , , , | 1 Comment

A Dozen Valentine Ideas 4 U

Posted on February 8, 2019 by Debi Walter

A Dozen Valentine Ideas for you to try.

Valentine’s Day. Many people roll their eyes just thinking of it. You may think it hokey. You may think it a gimmick instigated by the card and chocolate industries to get you to part with your money. But what if you chose instead to use this holiday to help you express your love to your spouse in a fun and creative way?

Introducing our Top 12 Romantic Valentine Ideas just in time for you to plan this year and make it special.

1. Plan a romantic dinner at home. Do it after the kids are in bed. If your kids are older, set up a nice table in your bedroom if you have the space. This allows you to enjoy a quiet meal together even if everyone is still awake.

2. Watch a romantic concert on TV. One of our all-time favorites is Jim Brickman’s My Romance. I rearranged our living room furniture so that the loveseat was right in front of our TV. It gave the feel of a front row seat at the concert. Find an artist you both enjoy and look for DVD’s of live concerts. It is a great way to spend an evening together at home.

3. If the weather is nice where you live, plan an evening picnic under the stars. This can be just dessert and coffee, or go all out with a full dinner basket.

4. Buy an inexpensive jigsaw puzzle with no more than 100 pieces. On the back of some pieces write numbers that represent certain prizes earned when you find where that piece fits. Ideas include: Do one of your chores for a week, back rub, activity of their choice on next date, make love when, where and how you want, dessert of your choice, etc… Make it more fun by numbering the puzzle pieces that coincide with a list, so you don’t know what you won until the puzzle is finished.

5. Learn something new together using how-to videos on You Tube. Examples: Swing Dancing, Pizza making, Line Dancing, etc. Or watch funny video clips to make each other laugh.

6. Play Win or Dare Putt-Putt.

7. Have a photo shoot together. You can make this silly or sexy. The important thing is to have fun. Gather different outfits and props to use to make it even more creative.

8. Make a playlist of your favorite love songs and slow dance together. Turn the lights down and light a few candles to make it romantic. As a challenge see if you can look each other in the eyes for one entire song as you listen to the words. We did this once to the song, You Must Love Me, by Madonna. It is such a special memory for both of us.

9. Make this day and No Techie Day. Put away your devices and talk. Read aloud to each other from books you both enjoy.

10. Have your own video game tournament. If one of you is better than the other, make a handicap for the stronger player, like using only their weaker hand.

11. Use washable markers to draw tattoos on each other where no one else can see.

12. Buy a bouquet of flowers to give your wife a message using the meanings of flowers as your guide.

We encourage you to make the most of every opportunity you have together. We never know how many memories we will get to make in this life. Let’s not waste a single opportunity to connect and express our love.

Happy Dating!

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This is our second post for our National Marriage Week Challenge to post each day leading up to Valentine’s Day. #NationalMarriageWeek2019

Posted in Christian Marriage, Creative Dates, Date Night Ideas, Holidays, Valentine's Day | Tagged , , , , | 2 Comments

National Marriage Week 2019

Posted on February 7, 2019 by Debi Walter

Today marks the beginning of a seven-day focus on the importance of marriage in our nation.

As marriage bloggers for the past decade, it has been our passion to sound this call every week, not just one week a year during the month of February. And we are privileged to be a part of the Christian Marriage Bloggers Association where hundreds of marriage bloggers do the same.

It is a privilege to be able to share with you what this ministry is doing to help us help others. The following is the national press release provided by the National Marriage Week organization.

NEW YORK – Jan. 15, 2019 – PrZen — Numerous studies show that marriage is the number one solution to poverty and helps children and families thrive. National Marriage Week (February 7-14) is an ideal time to highlight the importance of marriage for individuals, families, and our nation as a whole.

National Marriage Week USA is:

1.     A movement to increase marriage education all across the U.S.

2.     The only national clearinghouse calendar for locating and posting marriage events

3.     A public education campaign to promote the benefits of marriage for reducing poverty and benefiting children

4.     A place to find help for your own marriage – whether you are struggling or not – in your community

“We exist to strengthen marriages around the country and to support those in every community who are seeking to be ‘marriage champions’,” said Executive Director Sheila Weber. “Marriage benefits children in extraordinary ways, and like any public health campaign, we want to have a sustained campaign to help marriages succeed.”

ABOUT NATIONAL MARRIAGE WEEK USA

National Marriage Week USA was founded in 2010 to encourage many diverse groups to launch individual and simultaneous efforts in order to raise the issue of marriage to the national agenda and support marriages across the country. We seek to build cooperation with houses of worship, businesses, education, the media, and governments.

Source: National Marriage Week USA

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This is our first post for our National Marriage Week Challenge to post each day leading up to Valentine’s Day. #NationalMarriageWeek2019

Posted in Biblical Encouragement, Christian Marriage, Growing Strong Marriages, resources | Tagged , , | Comments Off on National Marriage Week 2019

Seven Romantic Quotes From (Can You Guess?)

Posted on February 4, 2019 by Debi Walter

When Tom and I first started dating he lived two and half hours away from me. Long-distance phone calls were very expensive inside the state, so we wrote each other often. We spent one anniversary reading through them, and it was hilarious and special at the same time. Hilarious in the words we chose, and special in the heart expressed early in our relationship. We cherish those letters!

With the arrival of social media and emails, letter writing has become a thing of the past. But love notes are no less appreciated when one takes the time to write their own sentiments on paper.

I recently discovered quotes from the love letters of some famous couples. I won’t tell you right away who penned them. I would rather you simply enjoy the way they expressed their heart on paper. I’ll reveal the answers in a comment later. For now just read and enjoy.

One

“Every day and every night I want to see you and be with you, yet I have no feeling of selfish ownership or jealousy. Let’s go for a long ride Sunday; let’s go to the mountains on weekends; let’s read books in front of fires; most of all, let’s really grow together and find the happiness we know is ours.”

Two

“It made me terribly home sick when I talked with you yesterday morning. It seemed as if you were just around the corner, if 6,000 miles can be just around the corner.“

Three

“Miss Adorable, By the same Token that the Bearer hereof sat up with you last night I hereby order you to give him, as many Kisses, and as many Hours of your Company after 9 O’Clock as he shall please to Demand and charge them to my Account.”

Four

“With an indescribable pleasure I have seen near a score of years roll over our Heads, with an affection heightened and improved by time, nor have the dreary years of absence in the smallest degree effaced from my mind the Image of the dear untitled man to whom I gave my Heart.”

Five

“Sweetest little wife, I think all the time of my little laughing, teazing beauty, and how pretty she is, and how she goes to sleep in my arms, and I could almost cry I love you so,”

Six

“Why, my darling, I can’t tell you how completely I am yours, in my every thought,” he declared in one ebullient example. “I did not know myself how much I loved you until I found out that you love me.”

Seven

“Feb. 14 may be the date they observe and call Valentine’s Day, but that is for people of only ordinary luck. I happen to have a Valentine’s life, which started on March 4, 19__ and will continue as long as I have you.”

These lovers took time to think long and well of their love and what they meant to them personally. When was the last time you purposed to write your heart for your spouse with pen and paper? If you can’t remember, this Valentine’s Day may be the perfect chance to give it a go. There are tutorials to help you pen your best. I encourage you to make this Valentine’s Day one of personal expression rather than the mass-produced message bought from the store.

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As a Valentine gift idea, consider our book, Cherishing Us, for you to read through in 2019. It consists of marriage tips, date night questions and ideas, as well as lots of inspiration. Great marriages are constantly looking for ways to grow and improve. Great books help to that end. Make your marriage great!

Posted in Encouraging Your Spouse, Holidays, honor, Valentine's Day | Tagged , , , | 4 Comments

It’s That Time Again – Are You In?

Posted on February 1, 2019 by Debi Walter
Is your master bedroom a place of refuge from the craziness of life? Take this challenge and make it so.
Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

Are you up for a challenge? It will require you to put on fresh eyes to see something familiar in a new way. Still interested?

If you are at home do the following:

1. Get up and walk into your Master Bedroom.

2. Go no further than just inside the door.

3. Look around and take in all the parts you love about your room, those parts that bring you joy.

4. Now make note of the parts that don’t add to the ambiance of your space, like bills, work papers, laundry, clutter, and toys.

This post is meant to help you recapture your space for you and your spouse. If you have children they have the rest of the house to play in. Don’t let them take the only space reserved for you!

Trust me! Having your own, grown-up space where you can both retreat to at the end of each day brings intimacy back into focus. It gives you a place where you can breathe a sigh of relief and remember what romance feels like.

Not sure if this would be true for you? Give it a shot. The worst that could happen is your room gets a much needed cleaning. The best is your marriage gets a boost, which we all require from time to time.

For step by step help along the way check out How To Sizzle Your Space!

Let this Valentine’s Day be your deadline by which to complete this challenge. Are you willing? If so, leave a comment so I know. Then take a photo of how your room looks today. Once finished take another photo and admire the results! If you’d like, feel free to share your before and after photos on our FaceBook Page.

For more inspiration check out our Pinterest Board of Romantic Bedrooms

Posted in Christian Marriage, Finding Joy, romanticizing your master bedroom | Tagged , , , | 2 Comments