The Romantic Vineyard

You may be wondering what in the world we mean by “catching bids”. It’s not a new technique for shopping on eBay; It has to do with cherishing your spouse in a very personal way. 

We can’t take credit for this idea. Gary Thomas, in his new book Cherish, does an outstanding job of explaining it by quoting Dr. John Gottman…

“…throughout each person’s day, one partner will make regular “bids” for the other’s attention. In our marriage, we could describe these bids as the question, “Do you still cherish me?”

“What the spouse does in response to these bids has a huge impact on marital connection and happiness.” 

Gary Thomas goes on to further explain…

“…whenever my wife expresses an opinion, reads something interesting from the local paper, or makes an observation, I am either cherishing her or neglecting her. There is no middle ground here. Her bid is either met or rejected. Cherishing is expressed, or it’s not. Intimacy is built, or it is assaulted, even in the most mundane marital conversations.” 

Intimacy is built by practicing this on a daily basis. But it’s not easy.

I remember once when I mentioned to Tom that he didn’t look at me when I talked. His comment, though intending to be funny, had a sting to it.

“If I looked at you every time you talked I’d never get anything done.”

At that point we knew we had work to do. I needed to work on the timing, and Tom needed to work on the listening. 

But catching bids is not always about conversations that need to be shared, it’s also about sharing dreams and desires. 

My son did this well as a new husband caring for his pregnant wife. It was late one night and he heard her mention how much she wanted something they didn’t have. Before she knew it he was out the door to purchase what she was craving. That’s cherishing! And that is how you build intimacy that not only lasts, but warms the heart and soul.

So this week let’s purpose to be bid catchers. Instead of lamenting the bids we’ve lost, we can win by catching each other’s bids and cherishing them in creative ways. You may be surprised how many you find. We love to hear your stories, so please come back and share your catches with us! 

Happy Dating!
 

When was the last time you purchased a jigsaw puzzle? I can’t remember when I did, which has led me to consider doing this for our prompt this week.

• Go to the store and buy a 1000 piece puzzle.
• Set out the pieces on your dining room table. If you don’t have a usable table for this purpose, set up a card table. 
• Make it your goal to get the outside pieces in place the first night. Then see how long it takes you to fill in the middle.

The great thing about doing a puzzle together is you can’t be on social media at the same time, and it lends time for you to actually talk.

When you finish your puzzle, share a photo of your completed puzzle with us in the comments. Who knows? There may be a drawing for a prize in store for those who do. 

For a more creative way to enjoy a jigsaw puzzle together, try this idea.

Happy Dating!

Summer is not obligatory. We can start an infernally hard jigsaw puzzle in June with the knowledge that, if there are enough rainy days, we may just finish it by Labor Day, but if not, there’s no harm, no penalty. We may have better things to do. 

– Nancy Gibbs

One of the advantages of our season of life is having time to do things we wouldn’t have normally had time to do.

We are on our way home from a 9 day trip to Ukraine and The Netherlands where we encouraged local churches in their walk with Christ. And often the topic of marriage came up.

We stayed with one couple who has lived in their 1880 home for the past 34 years. They are praying about downsizing, but they’re not sure if they’re ready to close this chapter of their lives. We talked about memories, parenting, regrets, occupations and all sorts of other of life’s experiences.

But our favorite was sitting at their table and reading God’s Word together They shared what God was saying to them, and we shared what God was saying to us. It was sweet fellowship with new friends who I believe will become old friends. 

Miles don’t separate those whom the Spirit has joined together in relationship and for this we are grateful. 

Who is God having you reach out to in an effort to encourage their growth in Christ? Even if you can’t travel, the distance between two hearts is only a phone call away. We must make the most of the time we’ve been given.

As I write this we are sitting in a restaurant in the Manchester airport having breakfast. The servers are wearing T-shirts that read: 

Don’t kill time, make the most of it!

Need we say more?

This past week we went to a local museum that we’ve known about for years, but had never visited. And it just so happened we went on a day with free admission! 

Albin Polasek Museum and Sculpture Garden did not disappoint. Upon our arrival we were welcomed by the docent who knew his story well. She explained how he came to America from the Czech Republic prior to World War I. 

He loved America for the opportunity it gave him to grow in his love and study of sculpture. His museum was also his home until he died in 1965. 

His work is on display in the home and throughout the garden. Sculptures of stone, bronze and wood showcase his world-renowned talent.

His favorite and most recognized piece is called, 

Man Carving His Own Destiny

Which he described as being a sort of biographical piece. He often said he came to America as a block of stone from the Czech Mountains and carved his own future.

We were there on Good Friday which made hearing the story of the following commissioned piece more heartfelt…

The Victorious Christ

He explained that he had seen so much art depicting the agony of Jesus on the Cross, but he wanted to show Him Victorious as He pleaded with The Father, “Forgive them. They don’t know what they are doing.”  I had a hard time restraining the tears.

Museums have a way of opening the door to emotions and conversations you might not have otherwise. 

My favorite piece was called, 

A Mother Crying Over The World.

He witnessed the effects war had on the mothers who sent their sons and daughters out to fight. Although you can’t see her face, you can feel the deep emotion through her body language, something Polasek was a genius portraying.

What museums are near you that you’ve never taken the time to visit? We encourage you to go and learn something new together. It may leave a lasting impression, like these sculptures, worth remembering.

Happy Dating!

We’ve had a front row seat to the magnificent ocean off the coast of Mexico all week long. It has been a soothing rhythm providing peace to our souls. 

I was praying and God reminded me how much the ocean is like Him:

1. He is constant in His love, wave after wave.
2. He is powerful, able to fell the mightiest of ships with wind and water alone
3. He is merciful, keeping His power reigned in for our sake.
4. He is beautiful, providing nourishment to all who enter in.
5. He is vast and more than we can fathom, but He is good.

Such Truth that informs my heart!

Emotions can seem much the same for those who are held captive by its torment.

• They can come upon you in waves.
• They can bring you to your knees.
• They can be difficult to reign in.
• They can feed our souls with lies and distortions
• They can be more than we can handle at times.

I have been tossed about on a sea of “emoceans” more than I care to admit. Tormenting and even frightening at times.

This can cause even strong marriages to struggle! A marriage on the brink before an emotional test comes can capsize causing all hope to disappear of ever finding a safe marriage haven.

But there is hope! God in His ocean-sized mercy is greater than our fickle, storm-tossed emoceans. The key is finding the time to talk with each other about the emotions which torment us. 

It could be a job change or loss, financial insecurity, difficult children who don’t sleep, hormone fluctuations, etc. or it could be something lacking in your marriage. This type of emotional torment can be the hardest to reign in unless someone you know and trust is willing to help.

The first step is seeing the problem, then second, admitting you need help. There is no need for you to continue tossed about on the sea of emoceans. Jesus calmed the storm tossed sea and He can do the same for your marriage.