Life is busy. We wake up on Monday morning and hit the ground running. It is easy in the busyness to forget that which is of most importance—our relationship.
The holidays are here; Thanksgiving is next week for goodness sake!
How can we make the most of this season as husband and wife? We believe focusing on gratefulness is a great start.
Our human default is to complain about what’s not going as we want.
Let’s purpose instead to notice daily the things our spouse does or says that blesses us. Maybe even make a list and read it aloud to our spouse at some point on Thanksgiving.
This holiday is slowly being swallowed up between Halloween and Christmas, and it is by far my favorite holiday. I love the food, gathering together with friends and family and giving thanks to God for it all. It’s not just a day for football. It’s a day to notice God and thank Him for His love, presence and guidance all through the year.
Thanksgiving is a time to reset our focus from the busyness of life to what we deem most important.
Check out more ideas for husbands here and wives here to help you make the most of your Thanksgiving.
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Welcome to our new followers. We are grateful you have joined us and are seeking to make your marriage the best it can be. This is the one relationship that lasts a lifetime and is worth the effort.
Have a great-full week,
Tom and Debi ❤️
(Photo courtesy of Christin Hume and Stephanie Klepacki, Unsplash)
We received a congratulations from WordPress this week. It was 17 years ago that we signed up to begin The Romantic Vineyard.
This post about a near miss we experienced is from November 2020. It is a good reminder for our marriage, but also to blogging.
Keeping our blog growing has been challenging, especially over the last 5 years. But by God’s grace we have kept plowing forward.
Life-long passions often wain. We have to be reminded why we started in the first place. The Romantic Vineyard has been a passion for us before it was ever born. It is meant to be a safe place to come, relax and enjoy the fruit of the vine in your marriage.
We are grateful to God that the near misses of the past 5 years have only fueled our commitment to keep going…one post at a time.
The following is a vintage post from 2020 that we pray will speak to your marriage today.
Near Miss
Sometimes we have a near miss and don’t even realize it, but not this time. I happened to be looking out our window at 35,000′ when a Southwest jet flew by our window going in the opposite direction. It was really close; Close enough that the pilots could have waved at each other as they passed.
It was a near miss that could have been tragic!
There are probably close to 200 passengers on our flight and most didn’t even see the jet; it happened so fast. But I saw it and for a second fear gripped me thinking of the “what if’s”. I’m tempted to ask the pilot about it as we exit the plane.
But God! He is the ultimate pilot of every circumstance we face. I don’t have to fear the “what if’s” because He is in control of my life. I trust Him.
What about the near misses we have in our marriage?
An unexpected conflict comes up out of the blue, and you have a choice to make: Swerve to avoid impact, or keep going full speed ahead. It happens so quickly that the impact can happen before you know it.
How many of us have memorized the emergency procedures set up on airplanes? If we’re honest, most of us tune out the instructions. If there were an actual emergency requiring the use of the various safety devices we would all struggle to remember what the flight attendant said before take-off. We would do well to pay attention.
The same applies to our marriages. Have you taken the time to consider the safety features of marriage?
Seat Belt – This is like our vows keeping us safely in place. You can’t wander off without making a conscious decision to undo the seatbelt.
Oxygen Mask – Sometimes the pressure changes drastically in your relationship. So much so that it takes your breath away. This is when it is good to pause and breathe fresh grace into your marriage. Give your spouse the benefit of the doubt. Don’t panic thinking the worst. You are on the same team and working to help each other through the crisis.
Flotation Device – Sometimes the crash is inevitable. It happens to the best of marriages, but that doesn’t mean it’s the end. Seek outside help when necessary. Trained counselors are there to come alongside you to help you make it safely back to solid ground.
Emergency Exits (marked by lights on the aisle) – God’s Word provides us with wisdom to know how to escape conflict. His Word promises to be a light to our path and a lamp to our feet (Psalm 119:105). All we must do is ask Him to show us the way, and He will!
Are you aware of the near misses in your marriage?
If so, thank God for His kindness in leading you and protecting you. Have you ended up in a devastating emergency you didn’t see coming? What did God show you through the crisis?
Emotional Intimacy Prompt – Plan time to answer the above questions. It is good to look back with thanksgiving for what God has done. And it is good to revisit past conflicts and learn from it to help you plan better for the next one.
Near misses are inevitable in this life. How we handle the emergency makes all the difference.
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We have been away helping our daughter the past week, thus our absence here. But we never tire of telling you how grateful we are for your investment in your marriage. It is one they pays off for generations.
If you’ve been to Starbucks, you may have ordered their egg bites. A great choice for a GF breakfast or snack.
This week we are at our daughter’s home in GA. I wasn’t surprised to see that we had both found copycat recipes for these delicious bites.
I made them for the first time this morning. This recipe is on one of my favorite recipe sites: Once Upon A Chef.
I didn’t have the Gruyère cheese as recommended, but I was sure my grandkids wouldn’t care for it. I used cheddar instead and they turned out well.
Tom discovered a few that hadn’t set well. Since I used silicone muffin pans I was able to pop them in the microwave for 30 seconds. They were perfect.
These bites will last for 3 days in the refrigerator or 2 weeks in the freezer. A great breakfast for busy mornings.
And as a plus—you can switch out the ingredients according to your taste.
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Tom and I are heading out for a hike, while our grandkids are in school. I can’t remember the last time we did this.
Have a blessed weekend and why not plan something to surprise your spouse? It’s a privilege we shouldn’t take for granted.
We’ll be back next week with more help and hope for a healthy marriage.
Although the title sounds cliche’, there is no greater truth in marriage. Everything we do, think and say should be grounded in kindness.
Words grounded in the soil of kindness bear the fruit of love, joy and peace in your marriage.
It seems the longer we’re married the harder it is to be kind.
If we aren’t mindful of our words, we can easily be lazy and say things without much thought. And if we aren’t thinking before we speak there is danger we will not be kind.
It’s important to note—Kindness is a matter of the heart.
If you often say things with an air of irritation, your spouse may have grown used to it as normal. It’s best to examine our own heart first.
Ask the Lord to give you ears to hear how you’re speaking to your spouse. A tender conscience must be cultivated lest the soil of your heart should grow hard and resistant to change.
As humans our default is to be unkind. We must practice kindness or it will not thrive in our home.
Five examples to practice kindness today:
Anticipate what your spouse might need or want in the moment like an afternoon snack or favorite drink.
Rub your spouse’s shoulders or feet after a long day.
Text them an encouragement midday to let them know you’re thinking of them.
Pray for them specifically before they leave for work and tell them about it. Praying aloud is even better.
When they call or text answer with a cheerful attitude, rather than a frustrated tone for the interruption.
Today is Monday. Try at least one of these this week and watch how it changes the atmosphere in your relationship.
We thrive on encouragement and wilt without it. Let’s remember, kindness matters.
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Thanks for visiting our vineyard. We pray our posts are helpful and encouraging. May God bless your week as you practice kindness.
We have shared we you many times about foods we’ve enjoyed at restaurants. It’s fun to go home and learn how to make it ourselves.
Not this week. There is a restaurant located New Smyrna Beach that makes a dish so good it’s worth the drive to order it.
Yellow Dog Eats started in the small town of Gotha, outside of Orlando. The owner doesn’t know a stranger and his food is as lively as his comments.
When they opened their second location in our favorite beach town we had to give them a try.
What a find!
This is their back patio
On our last visit we were entertained by an adorable yellow lab who was scared of a puppy statue. (It was the featured photo on our last post about bugs.)
We ordered the Vegetarian Nachos that are so full of a variety of flavors it makes your tastebuds crave the next bite, no exaggeration!
Vegetarian Nachos
When our nachos arrived we forgot how spectacular they look. It took only seconds for us to dig in to the chopped grilled veggies, black beans, cherry peppers, Thai chili and pineapple salsa, cilantro lime avocado sauce, vegan chipotle aioli, and pickled onions and jalapenos on corn tortilla chips.
Now you see why there’s no way I’m going to replicate this recipe. But if you happen to live in Central Florida, Yellow Dog Eats is worth the drive to New Smyrna Beach.
Do you have a favorite dish worth the drive? We would love to hear about it.
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Welcome to our new followers. We hope you’ll come back often. Oh, and introduce yourself if you’d like. We’d love to meet you.
This may sound like an unkind way to talk to your spouse, but it’s not what you think.
My husband learned early on in our relationship of my fear of palmetto bugs, aka roaches. If you don’t know what these are—Google it. There’s no way I will even include a photo on this topic. Just a photo makes my skin crawl! (Note: the cute dog photo above).
Growing up in Florida these large flying insects attacked me often. If there was one in the room it always, and I’m not exaggerating, came right for me.
Our first night staying at my parents together after our honeymoon was when Tom witnessed my fear.
We stayed up late waiting for my parents to go to bed to avoid the awkwardness of us going to bed together. We were young and it felt weird to sleep together in the room that was mine 5 days before.
Anyway, once we got in bed and turned off the lights, I screamed and jumped out of bed. I felt a roach crawling on me. Tom was sure it was my imagination since I had seen one earlier that night.
He calmly turned on the light and threw back the covers to show me there was noth…!!! And was he wrong!! There was huge palmetto bug in the bed with us. Ewww!! Needless to stay we both sat up in the living room the rest of the night.
Tom talked to me over and over about getting over my fear of these horrible bugs; To no avail.
After 45+ years of marriage, I am delighted to tell you that Tom has become the Bug Buster of our home. He buys the professional stuff from Do It Yourself Pest Control and treats our house inside and out and it works! We can go an entire year without a single bug making it alive in our home.
This is one of the best examples of how he cherishes me and I couldn’t be more grateful.
Because of Tom’s care for me in this regard I can honestly say I’m no longer bugged.
Who is the bug buster in your home? Or do you have other fears that your spouse protects you from facing?
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Welcome to our Vineyard. We are happy you’ve joined the conversation on what it looks like to grow a healthy marriage. We began this blog in 2008. Take some time to browse through past posts and also check out our Romantic ideas for every holiday of the year. Oh, and please comment and introduce yourself.
It has been a long time since Tom and I have been able to volunteer to serve at an event with our church. But this past Saturday we actually signed up and were able to be there for Funtoberfest 2024.
There have been many reasons why we haven’t been available.
The most obvious one—we couldn’t expose ourselves to large crowds of people for our grandson, Elias’ sake. He was born immunocompromised during the COVID pandemic. When he was finally cleared from that, he was diagnosed with cancer in 2022. I’m happy to say that this year we have an all clear to serve.
You’ve heard it said that each marriage usually consists of one who says yes and one who more often says no. I am the yes person in our home, so having to say no so many times was hard on my heart.
Our church’s mission is to be a light to the world both locally and globally.
We have done both in the past and have loved every opportunity.
We have gone overseas a few times to The Netherlands, Ukraine and Nassau, Bahamas. We love getting to know friends in other cultures because it has shown us how alike we are.
When we serve others, our hearts are knit together in ways nothing else can.
Volunteering is costly. Your heart resonates with others’ stories connecting you to them in their time of need.
Our friends in Ukraine were staying with us the day the war began. Experiencing such a tragic event with them has made this war with Russia so much more personal. And our love for all Ukrainians too.
While we were passing out candy at our Candy Land decorated car, I said, “Welcome to Candy Land. Pick your two favorite candies!” The smiles said it all.
One mom and her son were obviously from another country based on their broken English. When I asked where the were from she said, “Ukraine!” My face lit up happy to meet them. The only thing I know how to say in Ukrainian is, “Slava Buho”, which translates to “Glory to God”. When I said this their faces lit up too. It was a connection that made the night special.
Volunteering together is a privilege that unites us in a common cause.
Have you volunteered together? We’d love to hear about it in the comments.
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Welcome to our new followers. We pray you’ll find our posts helpful in growing a healthy marriage for “slava bulo”, glory to God!
How can something made with so few ingredients turn into something so delicious?
Flour. Yeast. Sugar. Salt. Oil. Water and Time.
My husband loves food. As a way to show my love for him I enjoy making things that he can smell baking or cooking long before he gets to taste it.
Since having COVID I realize now how precious these two senses are; I lost both my sense of taste and smell both times I had it. Thankfully it only lasted a short time.
Preparing bread is one of the most primitive experiences practiced since the world began.
If you have never made bread with your own hands, you are missing out. Kneading bread allows you to feel the flour transform from a dry heap to a lump of delicious potential. It’s your sense of touch that adds to the anticipation. (Unfortunately my hands were too sticky to snap a photo of this process.)
I found this French bread recipe at Mel’s Kitchen Cafe, and it has quickly become a family favorite.
Once pressed flat roll up tightly from the long side. Pinch seam tightly and put seam-side down when placed on the baking sheet.Slit tops with a sharp knife or razor blade, as shown
French bread is versatile in that you can use it for garlic bread, bruschetta, sub sandwiches, or simply sliced and slathered with lots of butter hot out of the oven (my favorite)!
As the home chef your ears will enjoy hearing your family’s oohs and aahs with their first bite.
How can one recipe have such a powerful impact on all the senses?
Touch. Smell. Sight. Taste. Hear.
If you decide to try it, I’d love to hear your thoughts on the process.
Man may not live on bread alone, but it sure makes life more enjoyable with every sense of the word.
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Welcome to our new followers. We hope you find our posts helpful in growing a strong and healthy marriage. We are glad you’re here.
We’ve been absent the last couple of weeks. We had two hurricanes, a daughter healing from a c-section, a newborn granddaughter and sweet Elias to help care for. But we must say, you have all been on our mind.
This last hurricane—Milton—left in his path our coolest temps since April. It was a blessing to have fall weather while we cleaned up from another storm.
We couldn’t help but apply this to our marriage.
Whenever we have faced a storm of winds and floods in our relationship it’s the cool weather that helps us take a deep breath and do the work needed.
The question is, “From where does the cool wind come?”
We believe it is Grace.
If we answer conflict with more animosity the storm just builds.
The Bible says…
“A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” Proverbs 15:1 ESV
You see when two high pressure systems collide, catastrophes occur like what happened in Western North Carolina. There is no end to the destruction that ensues. It is heartbreaking.
But when the cool air of grace is applied we are able to slow down and talk about what happened.
Grace is looking at your spouse with understanding not accusation. It’s slowing down to listen and learn.
Have you ever considered that arguments are the best growing opportunity a marriage has?
This is where pretense is shelved and truth is examined. That is if you’re both being honest and committed to change for the good of the marriage.
We have seen spouses who refuse to own any of the blame. They are finger-pointers with daggers that kill intimacy.
We drove today to our favorite beach. It has taken a beating the last few years, and Milton only made things worse.
I pray we can learn the lesson of extending grace following a storm. The tides come and go, but we have the choice to increase the heat that causes erosion, or breathe the fresh air of grace.
Let’s choose grace!
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Welcome to our new followers. We are so happy you are making the choice to build a stronger marriage. Troubles come, but how we handle them makes all the difference.
Tom loves to cook as I do, and there are some recipes that are his alone to make. Being from Buffalo, NY, chicken wings are one of his specialties.
Tonight he made them seasoned and topped with Kinder’s Honey Hot sauce—delicious!
It is still difficult to fully enjoy this meal knowing what all the victims of Hurricane Helene are facing. We are freshly aware of the gift of electricity, water, a home to clean and laundry to wash. But mostly we are grateful for the community spirit we’ve heard about in Florida and North Carolina.
Storms may knock us down, but it’s the love of neighbors that cause us to rise up and rebuild our lives and communities.
If you would like to make these chicken wings, Tom uses this recipe.
Last night I attended a Ladies meeting at our church. The theme was Rhythms of Life and it was eye-opening as to the importance of the rhythms that define us.
We had an exercise where we were to list rhythms or habits that we practice regarding our heart, soul, mind and strength. It was something I hadn’t considered in this way before.
This morning I wondered how it would apply to our marriages.
We all have rhythms that define us and make us unique. Think of it—two people coming together as one new family must learn how to relate with each other.
What was normal for you growing up with your parents, won’t be normal for your spouse, and vice versa. The foods you enjoy, the routines of your day, are all challenged by your spouse doing it another way. If you don’t see this coming on your wedding day, you will see it after the honeymoon. This is part of the leaving and cleaving process of a new marriage.
It is not an easy process. Without giving serious thought to it, the marriage will be stifled.
We were asked the following question last night, “What connects you and feeds you with the things of God?”
Let’s consider this for our marriage.
What connects you with your spouse?
What eases your mind?
What fills your heart with joy?
What energizes you?
What connects you with God?
What refreshes your soul?
These are good questions to help us understand our spouse on a deeper level than, “What do you want for dinner?”
God has made every marriage special by the gifts and desires we both bring to the relationship.
Sadly many couples spend more time arguing over their differences than talking about the strengths their differences bring to the relationship.
What if we were to devote a night this week to talk over these questions considering habits and rhythms we have developed since we said, “I do?”
Maybe we would come to a healthy place of understanding each other.
Maybe we would discover things we are doing well.
Maybe we would appreciate our uniqueness that God gifted us with for His purposes.
Maybe the things we have argued or complained about will become the things for which we thank God.
Since retiring Tom and I enjoy our slow morning routines that include reading the Bible, drinking our coffee and tea, talking over what God shows us and praying for what concerns us. This is a rhythm we both enjoy in our current season.
We would love to hear how your rhythms are helping you in your marriage.
Welcome to our new subscribers. We are happy to have you join us at The Romantic Vineyard . com
This post and our blog is meant to help you grow a healthy marriage for God’s glory. He is what motivates all we do.
May this week be one of eye-opening conversations between you and your spouse.
Continue to pray with us for those affected by Hurricane Helene.
Being a native Floridian I have lots of memories of hurricanes throughout my life. The first one to hit Orlando directly in my lifetime was Donna which hit in 1960. I was one year old and remember seeing a river outside our front window. I saw people rowing a boat by our house, but it wasn’t a river—it was our street!
Hurricane Donna left her mark.
The next hurricane to leave a mark was David in 1979. Tom and I were married in February of that year and by September, we had moved from Bradenton, on the west coast of Florida to Miami on the east coast.
My family had plans to all gather together at our time share in Cocoa Beach for Labor Day weekend. I was terribly homesick and couldn’t wait.
However, Hurricane David was plowing a path straight to our 1st floor apartment. We had experienced flooding during normal rain storms. I couldn’t imagine what David would do. We put my piano on cement blocks and hoped the water wouldn’t come inside. All hopes for our family get-together ended and I was sad.
Ironically David never made landfall, but impacted both Miami and Cocoa Beach.
We knew we needed to go to the store for essentials, but our age revealed how little we understood what essentials were. Tom was 25 and I was 20. We came home with a half gallon of Breyers Mint Chocolate Chip ice cream and Snicker bars to freeze, just in case we lost power. 🥰
Our heart breaks for all the people affected by this horrific weather event. Banner Elk especially was hit hard. We sold our Barefoot Cabin only two years ago. People there are completely cut off because all the roads are washed away. There is no power, no water, no internet, but I know the people there and they will stop at nothing to help wherever they can.
I started this post before the storm. Now, after the storm it seems more necessary to share.
Please pray for all who were caught in Helene’s path.
May you enjoy your family and secure home more this weekend. What a normal blessing we can easily take for granted.
Traveling always provides good food that becomes part of the memories of a great vacation.
We were in Salt Lake City with friends visiting the National Parks—Zion and Bryce Canyon. The vistas were breathtaking and the memories made priceless.
One day we decided to take a road trip to the nearby state of Wyoming. None of us had been there, and I thought it would be fun to find a good restaurant on Yelp for lunch. Everyone accommodated my suggestion and off to Evanston, Wyoming, we went to the Lincoln Highway Tavern.
The restaurant was not much to see from outside, but the reviews made us hopeful.
I took a chance on our friendly server’s recommendation, the Buffalo Joe made with Ground Bison and a spicy Fireball Whiskey sauce; a western take on the familiar Sloppy Joe.
This was one of those dishes I loved more with every bite. Incredibly delicious and packed with the right amount of heat, spices and sweet.
When we got home I did some research to find the recipe on-line to no avail. I did however, find something similar. Thankfully the restaurant listed all the ingredients so I was able to tweak it to make a near-perfect match.
I made it last night for friends, so the photos are fresh and the meal delicious, yet again.
Buffalo Joes
Ingredients 1 lb ground bison (Costco sells it) 1 medium green bell pepper, diced 1 medium yellow onion, diced 2 cloves of garlic, diced 2 to 3 cups of plain tomato sauce 1 tbsp tomato paste 2 tbsp brown sugar 1 tsp crushed red peppers, optional 1 tsp chili powder 1 tsp dry mustard 1 tsp salt 1 tsp black pepper 1 to 2 tbsp Fireball whiskey
Toppings Wickles Wicked Pickle Chips, Flaming hot Funyuns, caramelized onions on potato rolls.
Directions
Carmelized the onions according to the recipe in the link above. Set aside.
Brown the bison til nearly all pink is gone.
Drain all but 2 Tbsp of fat. Add the bell pepper and onions. Cook until onions are softened.
Add garlic and cook stirring often for another 5 minutes.
Add in the tomato sauce and paste along with the spices to desired taste and consistency. Cook until blended well. (see Note)
Add the Whiskey and simmer uncovered until the sauce cooks down.
Note: If you want a thicker Joe, use less tomato sauce.
Now for the fun part…
On a potato bun add the Buffalo Joe meat, carmelized onions, Wickles, Flaming Funyuns for needed crunch and place bun on top. If you enjoy spicy food your tastebuds are in for a treat!
If you don’t care for spicy food, omit the red pepper flakes and use regular bread and butter pickles and regular Funyuns or the kind you put on green bean casseroles for the holidays.
Both versions are delicious.
I served this with roasted new potato wedges and sweet Cole slaw. You may even want to put the slaw on the sandwich, it will add a cooling effect to the heat.
What food have you enjoyed on vacation?
Welcome to our new subscribers. What a privilege to be a part of encouraging your marriage to stay strong and healthy. We don’t take this lightly, but see it as a calling from God. We pray your relationship benefits from what we’re learning in our own marriage.
On Monday Tom and I went to breakfast. That isn’t special in itself, but it’s what we did the morning Tom proposed to me in 1978. Afterwards we went to Kraft Azalea Gardens where he asked me to marry him on a dock overlooking Lake Maitland.
Kraft Azalea Gardens
It’s one of the places still as beautiful today as it was on that morning 46 years ago.
Our breakfast at Hamilton’s Kitchen was amazing and on a much higher level than Robin’s Restaurant in Pine Hills. But honestly, nothing compares with our first breakfast; It was magical.
My tea service at Hamilton’s Kitchen
This begs the question, what is your proposal story?
We invite you to share it with us in the comments and tell us how long you’ve been married.
A huge welcome to our new subscribers. We are so happy you are desiring to help grow your marriage for God’s glory.
Have you ever said something to your spouse and the reaction they gave was unexpected?
You realize that they didn’t hear what you said in the way you meant them too. A miscommunication is hanging in the air and you have a choice to make. EITHER snap back and let the conflict escalate, OR take a deep breath and ask them what they heard you say. We call this “Twisted Words”.
Some conflicts can’t be avoided and must be discussed at length in order to discover what caused the rift in your relationship. What I’ve described above, however, can be avoided. But how?
First of all, it takes a resolve to not follow your instincts.
Instinct means an innate, typically fixed pattern of behavior. If this happens regularly in your home, are you willing to commit to change your pattern of behavior? Maybe you’re thinking your spouse does this all the time and won’t change. But doesn’t someone have to go first? Why not be the mature one and take the steps needed for change? Purpose to pay attention the next time this happens and not follow your instincts. Instead, pray for God to help you with step two.
Secondly, it takes patience.
I heard someone recently say, “God doesn’t give you patience, He teaches it.” People often joke that they’ll never ask God to give them patience because of what usually follows — an opportunity to practice it. But don’t we want to grow in our interactions with our spouse? What if we were to stay the same year after year? Sadly, we don’t stay the same. We are either moving forward or drifting backward. The choice lies at our disposal. We need patience in order to help each other stop doing an old, sinful practice and begin doing it with kindness and love.
Finally, it takes humility.
Humility is the opposite of pride, and pride is what keeps us from admitting wrongs. If your spouse reacts to something you’ve said, humble yourself and apologize when needed. Or patiently ask what they heard you say. It helps to talk about doing this before your next “Twisted Word” opportunity arises. This way you can help each other grow and change.
A good way to see how you’re doing in the area of humility is to consider when was the last time you sincerely apologized to your spouse for something you said or did that hurt them? Asking forgiveness is an often neglected key in letting go of an offense. Don’t skip the opportunity to humble yourself in this way. Why? Because God promises to give grace to the humble…
“Yes, all of you be submissive to one another, and be clothed with humility, for…
“God resists the proud, But gives grace to the humble.” – 1 Peter 5:5
We must remember that marriages are being attacked from all sides.
We have an enemy that wants nothing more than to see our marriage fail. He devises schemes in order to cause conflicts between us, and can even twist the words we say as they come out of our mouth. Your spouse isn’t your enemy. You are on the same team. Make an effort to get past the instinct of miscommunication for the good of your marriage and the glory of God. He will help you. All we must do is humbly ask.
Date Night Prompt: To help you use words to draw closer together, play a game of Romantic Scrabble. These words will help you focus on the good you’ve built together in your years as husband and wife. Instead of focusing on the words that would twist and pull you apart.
Dear Father,
Thank you for the way you lead us into deeper understanding in our marriage. Would You help us change our behavior? We need your help to patiently practice understanding and believing the best of our spouse. We don’t want to let twisted words have an influence in our relationship.
We know You hear us when we pray and that You desire us to grow closer together and to You. We trust that You will do this for Your great glory.
In Jesus’ name,
Amen
Welcome to our new subscribers. We hope you’ll check out our archives full of every subject imaginable to help your marriage grow.
If you haven’t yet, you can follow us on IG and FB too.
We are grateful for your desire to grow a healthy marriage for God’s glory. He is worth the effort as our marriage reflects His love for us.
In Florida we enjoy this season not because of the cooler weather, of which there is none. We enjoy it by what we eat.
A favorite in our family is the Copycat recipe I found of Starbucks’ Pumpkin Scone.
It is more involved than normal scones in that you have two different glazed toppings. But trust me, don’t skip the last step. This glaze is what gives the scone the over-the-top pumpkin spice flavor.
Pat out into a round by hand and cut in wedgesPlace on baking sheet and bake at 425°Frost with first glazeDrizzle pumpkin spice glazeEnjoy!
It is good to be back sharing our Foodie Friday posts. I have lots more to share that are Fall Favorites too., so stay tuned.
Thank you to our new subscribers. We are grateful to have you join our vineyard where we discuss all things about growing a healthy marriage, having fun together as friends and cooking good food.
Reposted from 2012 and adds more examples and help on how to work through this kind of conflict.
This is a phrase used often. It is said when the person really is just kidding. Laughter erupts with everyone in the room.
However, there are times when this phrase is said and one person is the brunt of the “just kidding” words spoken. One person may try to laugh it off–the one who said the thing. But to the one who heard the words, it’s like a dagger to the heart. They aren’t laughing. Oh, they may laugh on the outside, but on the inside there are tears of pain, of humiliation, of all sorts of bad things.
When this happens in a marriage the pain is only more intense because the one who knows you best is betraying you by leaving you vulnerable and exposed in public.
This may sound harsh. But it isn’t our heart to be harsh, only to address a very real problem that can be a blind spot in many marriages.
Here’s a scenario:
A couple is at a dinner party with friends. The evening is full of laughter and fun when one wife comments, “The flowers on the table are gorgeous. Where did you get them?”
“Oh, my husband bought them for me last week and they’ve stayed fresh all this time. I just love them.”
Another wife chimes in putting her arm around her husband’s neck, “If my husband ever bought me flowers it would be at my funeral.” She laughs and everyone else joins in, yet there is a sting in the air.
When the wife sees the expression on her husband’s face she says, “I was just kidding.”
These types of situations happen in marriage because two sinners got married. We shouldn’t be surprised when we treat each other this way at times. What we do after a time like this though, determines if our marriage is on a healthy path or a slippery slope.
A marriage on a healthy path…
…would bring this scenario up later when the two are alone. The husband would say, “You know when you said that about the flowers tonight, I felt embarrassed. It wasn’t funny to me.”
A marriage on a slippery slope…
…would either not bring the situation up at all, letting the sting penetrate the heart. Or the husband may retaliate with a stinger back to her in front of their friends. Both responses only add to the damage done.
Saying anything in jest that has an ounce of truth to it is detrimental to a healthy marriage.
We must purpose before getting in situations like these to never put each other in a bad light. If there are hurts or disappointments–which there will be–make sure you talk about these things in private. If you happen to be the one who said the hurtful words in front of others, humble yourself and repent. You should also go to your friends and repent to them for speaking ill of your spouse making the moment awkward for them.
These are growing moments in your relationship, but growth is stunted if we don’t learn from our mistakes.
The next time you use the words, I was just kidding, make sure you really are.
How have you handled moments like these? Has your marriage learned and grown stronger as a result? Or are you in need of making some things right?
There are times when joking with friends the words can roll off the tongue without thinking. It may be that you say something you didn’t mean to say or you say it in a way that sounds mean. Often we make light of the awkward situation by saying, “Just kidding.”
It’s worse if you do this to your spouse in front of friends. If you shrug it off saying “just kidding,” you have a choice to make.
1. Humble yourself and apologize to your spouse for putting them in a bad light; then apologize to your friends for hurting your spouse. Both exhibit your love and care for them.
2. Or you can deny any wrong doing and tell your spouse they’re being too sensitive. After all, you were just kidding.
The first choice represents a spouse who desires what’s best for their partner.
The second choice represents a spouse who cares more what others think of them than hurting and/or embarrassing the one they’re called to love.
We all say things we don’t mean at one time or another.
In our marriage we have both done this to each other more than we’d like to admit. But we shouldn’t be surprised—we are both a work in progress. We will never arrive at doing this marriage relationship perfectly.
When this has happened to us, we don’t say anything in the moment; we wait until we are alone and say something like this:
“Tonight when you said this about me in front of our friends it made me feel (fill in the blank).”
When Tom is leaning in to learn how to love and care for me, he will apologize. It doesn’t matter if he agrees or not—if he made me feel that way, it hurts him to realize he did this.
When I’ve said more than I needed to say and put Tom in a bad light, he will do the same with me—talk to me in private. Honestly, my first reaction can often be to say, “No, I didn’t!” But this isn’t leaning in to learn and grow. It’s being defensive which never leads to growth and humility.
The Bible instructs us…
“There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.” Proverbs 12:18ESV
“Whoever keeps his mouth and his tongue keeps himself out of trouble.” Proverbs 21:23 ESV
Let’s take these verses to heart and ask God to help us when we blurt out something hurtful.
We are back from our Papa and Nana Duty Delight. Matt and Heather are doing well with their family of four. We are so happy for this new season in their life.
Thank you for being a part of our Vineyard. We love encouraging your marriage to bear fruit that will remain. If you don’t want to miss a post, you can sign-up to receive them via email. Or follow us on IG and FB.
This question is good for both husbands and wives to ask of yourselves. Your answer indicates whether your marriage is growing strong or if your marriage is eroding away.
Let us introduce you to one man who has had a huge and consistent impact on our marriage, Paul David Tripp.
From the Paul Tripp app
He has helped us see our sin when needed, and built our resolve to change for the good of our marriage and the glory of God.
Paul teaches from a place of vulnerability, honesty, humility, biblical wisdom and understanding.
In this video Paul addresses the husbands from a familiar passage in 1 Peter:
“Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.” 1 Peter 3:7 ESV
The 5 1/2 minute video, along with hundreds more, is available on the Paul Tripp app which we highly recommend. Let his lifetime of study help your marriage grow. We have shared this video, The Character of a Husband’s Heart, with you below. (I tried embedding the video and it didn’t work. So I’ve added the link here.)
We are busy helping our daughter adjust with a newborn. Liliana Grace is beautiful and we are so in love.
We felt compelled to share this post with you and pray it helps you in surprising ways.
Thanks for being a part of our vineyard. We will be back soon.
We started this blog almost 16 years ago—this November. We began providing date night ideas to help keep the romance and friendship alive in your relationship.
In the busyness of married life, it is easy to fall into a “business as usual”marriage. This is necessary to a degree, but loving and cherishing our spouse is primary and must be cultivated.
We will be taking the next few weeks off.
Our daughter is having a baby this week and we will be needed to help care for her her baby and sweet Elias. We are so excited to welcome a new baby girl to our family too.
While we will miss connecting with you, we will continue to pray for your marriages.
In the meantime, there are years of date night ideas available in our blog’s drop down menu on your phone, or in the blog’s sidebar on your computer. Check them out and let us know what works for you.
Soon Fall will be here along with cooler weather. This is our favorite time of year to date—so many options from picnics to evenings bundled around a fire.
Thank you for understanding our absence. The farewell is temporary and as soon as we’re able, we will introduce you to Liliana Grace. Only two more sleeps until we see her. 💖
The Romantic Vineyard 