Rhythms of Your Marriage

Posted on September 30, 2024 by Debi Walter

Last night I attended a Ladies meeting at our church. The theme was Rhythms of Life and it was eye-opening as to the importance of the rhythms that define us.

We had an exercise where we were to list rhythms or habits that we practice regarding our heart, soul, mind and strength. It was something I hadn’t considered in this way before.

This morning I wondered how it would apply to our marriages.

We all have rhythms that define us and make us unique. Think of it—two people coming together as one new family must learn how to relate with each other.

What was normal for you growing up with your parents, won’t be normal for your spouse, and vice versa. The foods you enjoy, the routines of your day, are all challenged by your spouse doing it another way. If you don’t see this coming on your wedding day, you will see it after the honeymoon. This is part of the leaving and cleaving process of a new marriage.

It is not an easy process. Without giving serious thought to it, the marriage will be stifled.

We were asked the following question last night, “What connects you and feeds you with the things of God?”

Let’s consider this for our marriage.

  • What connects you with your spouse?
  • What eases your mind?
  • What fills your heart with joy?
  • What energizes you?
  • What connects you with God?
  • What refreshes your soul?

These are good questions to help us understand our spouse on a deeper level than, “What do you want for dinner?”

God has made every marriage special by the gifts and desires we both bring to the relationship.

Sadly many couples spend more time arguing over their differences than talking about the strengths their differences bring to the relationship.

What if we were to devote a night this week to talk over these questions considering habits and rhythms we have developed since we said, “I do?”

Maybe we would come to a healthy place of understanding each other.

Maybe we would discover things we are doing well.

Maybe we would appreciate our uniqueness that God gifted us with for His purposes.

Maybe the things we have argued or complained about will become the things for which we thank God.

Since retiring Tom and I enjoy our slow morning routines that include reading the Bible, drinking our coffee and tea, talking over what God shows us and praying for what concerns us. This is a rhythm we both enjoy in our current season.

We would love to hear how your rhythms are helping you in your marriage.

Welcome to our new subscribers. We are happy to have you join us at The Romantic Vineyard . com

This post and our blog is meant to help you grow a healthy marriage for God’s glory. He is what motivates all we do.

May this week be one of eye-opening conversations between you and your spouse.

Continue to pray with us for those affected by Hurricane Helene.

Blessings,

Tom and Debi ❤️🙏

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Foodie Fridays – Hurricane Memories

Posted on September 28, 2024 by Debi Walter

Being a native Floridian I have lots of memories of hurricanes throughout my life. The first one to hit Orlando directly in my lifetime was Donna which hit in 1960. I was one year old and remember seeing a river outside our front window. I saw people rowing a boat by our house, but it wasn’t a river—it was our street!

Hurricane Donna left her mark.

The next hurricane to leave a mark was David in 1979. Tom and I were married in February of that year and by September, we had moved from Bradenton, on the west coast of Florida to Miami on the east coast.

My family had plans to all gather together at our time share in Cocoa Beach for Labor Day weekend. I was terribly homesick and couldn’t wait.

However, Hurricane David was plowing a path straight to our 1st floor apartment. We had experienced flooding during normal rain storms. I couldn’t imagine what David would do. We put my piano on cement blocks and hoped the water wouldn’t come inside. All hopes for our family get-together ended and I was sad.

Ironically David never made landfall, but impacted both Miami and Cocoa Beach.

We knew we needed to go to the store for essentials, but our age revealed how little we understood what essentials were. Tom was 25 and I was 20. We came home with a half gallon of Breyers Mint Chocolate Chip ice cream and Snicker bars to freeze, just in case we lost power. 🥰

Our heart breaks for all the people affected by this horrific weather event. Banner Elk especially was hit hard. We sold our Barefoot Cabin only two years ago. People there are completely cut off because all the roads are washed away. There is no power, no water, no internet, but I know the people there and they will stop at nothing to help wherever they can.

I started this post before the storm. Now, after the storm it seems more necessary to share.

Please pray for all who were caught in Helene’s path.

May you enjoy your family and secure home more this weekend. What a normal blessing we can easily take for granted.

Blessings,

Tom and Debi

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Foodie Fridays – Buffalo Joes

Posted on September 20, 2024 by Debi Walter

Traveling always provides good food that becomes part of the memories of a great vacation.

We were in Salt Lake City with friends visiting the National Parks—Zion and Bryce Canyon. The vistas were breathtaking and the memories made priceless.

One day we decided to take a road trip to the nearby state of Wyoming. None of us had been there, and I thought it would be fun to find a good restaurant on Yelp for lunch. Everyone accommodated my suggestion and off to Evanston, Wyoming, we went to the Lincoln Highway Tavern.

The restaurant was not much to see from outside, but the reviews made us hopeful.

I took a chance on our friendly server’s recommendation, the Buffalo Joe made with Ground Bison and a spicy Fireball Whiskey sauce; a western take on the familiar Sloppy Joe.

This was one of those dishes I loved more with every bite. Incredibly delicious and packed with the right amount of heat, spices and sweet.

When we got home I did some research to find the recipe on-line to no avail. I did however, find something similar. Thankfully the restaurant listed all the ingredients so I was able to tweak it to make a near-perfect match.

I made it last night for friends, so the photos are fresh and the meal delicious, yet again.

Buffalo Joes

Ingredients
1 lb ground bison (Costco sells it)
1 medium green bell pepper, diced
1 medium yellow onion, diced
2 cloves of garlic, diced
2 to 3 cups of plain tomato sauce 1 tbsp tomato paste
2 tbsp brown sugar
1 tsp crushed red peppers, optional
1 tsp chili powder
1 tsp dry mustard
1 tsp salt
1 tsp black pepper
1 to 2 tbsp Fireball whiskey

Toppings Wickles Wicked Pickle Chips, Flaming hot Funyuns, caramelized onions on potato rolls.

Directions

Carmelized the onions according to the recipe in the link above. Set aside.

Brown the bison til nearly all pink is gone.

Drain all but 2 Tbsp of fat. Add the bell pepper and onions. Cook until onions are softened.

Add garlic and cook stirring often for another 5 minutes.

Add in the tomato sauce and paste along with the spices to desired taste and consistency. Cook until blended well. (see Note)

Add the Whiskey and simmer uncovered until the sauce cooks down.

Note: If you want a thicker Joe, use less tomato sauce.

Now for the fun part…

On a potato bun add the Buffalo Joe meat, carmelized onions, Wickles, Flaming Funyuns for needed crunch and place bun on top. If you enjoy spicy food your tastebuds are in for a treat!

If you don’t care for spicy food, omit the red pepper flakes and use regular bread and butter pickles and regular Funyuns or the kind you put on green bean casseroles for the holidays.

Both versions are delicious.

I served this with roasted new potato wedges and sweet Cole slaw. You may even want to put the slaw on the sandwich, it will add a cooling effect to the heat.

What food have you enjoyed on vacation?

Welcome to our new subscribers. What a privilege to be a part of encouraging your marriage to stay strong and healthy. We don’t take this lightly, but see it as a calling from God. We pray your relationship benefits from what we’re learning in our own marriage.

Have a blessed weekend,

Tom and Debi

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Remember and Share

Posted on September 18, 2024 by Debi Walter

On Monday Tom and I went to breakfast. That isn’t special in itself, but it’s what we did the morning Tom proposed to me in 1978. Afterwards we went to Kraft Azalea Gardens where he asked me to marry him on a dock overlooking Lake Maitland.

Kraft Azalea Gardens

It’s one of the places still as beautiful today as it was on that morning 46 years ago.

Our breakfast at Hamilton’s Kitchen was amazing and on a much higher level than Robin’s Restaurant in Pine Hills. But honestly, nothing compares with our first breakfast; It was magical.

My tea service at Hamilton’s Kitchen

This begs the question, what is your proposal story?

We invite you to share it with us in the comments and tell us how long you’ve been married.

A huge welcome to our new subscribers. We are so happy you are desiring to help grow your marriage for God’s glory.

Let’s share our stories…

Blessings,

Tom and Debi

Posted in Celebrations, Christian Marriage, Growing Strong Marriages | Tagged , , , | 2 Comments

Twisted Words -Vintage Post

Posted on September 16, 2024 by Debi Walter
Twisted Words often cause unnecessary arguments in marriage.
Photo by Danielle MacInnes on Unsplash

Originally posted January 2020

Have you ever said something to your spouse and the reaction they gave was unexpected?

You realize that they didn’t hear what you said in the way you meant them too. A miscommunication is hanging in the air and you have a choice to make. EITHER snap back and let the conflict escalate, OR take a deep breath and ask them what they heard you say. We call this “Twisted Words”.

Some conflicts can’t be avoided and must be discussed at length in order to discover what caused the rift in your relationship. What I’ve described above, however, can be avoided. But how?

First of all, it takes a resolve to not follow your instincts. 

Instinct means an innate, typically fixed pattern of behavior. If this happens regularly in your home, are you willing to commit to change your pattern of behavior? Maybe you’re thinking your spouse does this all the time and won’t change. But doesn’t someone have to go first? Why not be the mature one and take the steps needed for change? Purpose to pay attention the next time this happens and not follow your instincts. Instead, pray for God to help you with step two.

Secondly, it takes patience.

I heard someone recently say, “God doesn’t give you patience, He teaches it.” People often joke that they’ll never ask God to give them patience because of what usually follows — an opportunity to practice it. But don’t we want to grow in our interactions with our spouse? What if we were to stay the same year after year? Sadly, we don’t stay the same. We are either moving forward or drifting backward. The choice lies at our disposal. We need patience in order to help each other stop doing an old, sinful practice and begin doing it with kindness and love.

Finally, it takes humility.

Humility is the opposite of pride, and pride is what keeps us from admitting wrongs. If your spouse reacts to something you’ve said, humble yourself and apologize when needed.  Or patiently ask what they heard you say. It helps to talk about doing this before your next “Twisted Word” opportunity arises. This way you can help each other grow and change.

A good way to see how you’re doing in the area of humility is to consider when was the last time you sincerely apologized to your spouse for something you said or did that hurt them? Asking forgiveness is an often neglected key in letting go of an offense. Don’t skip the opportunity to humble yourself in this way. Why? Because God promises to give grace to the humble…

“Yes, all of you be submissive to one another, and be clothed with humility, for…

“God resists the proud, But gives grace to the humble.”  – 1 Peter 5:5

We must remember that marriages are being attacked from all sides.

We have an enemy that wants nothing more than to see our marriage fail. He devises schemes in order to cause conflicts between us, and can even twist the words we say as they come out of our mouth. Your spouse isn’t your enemy. You are on the same team. Make an effort to get past the instinct of miscommunication for the good of your marriage and the glory of God. He will help you. All we must do is humbly ask.

Date Night Prompt: To help you use words to draw closer together, play a game of Romantic Scrabble. These words will help you focus on the good you’ve built together in your years as husband and wife. Instead of focusing on the words that would twist and pull you apart.

Dear Father,

Thank you for the way you lead us into deeper understanding in our marriage. Would You help us change our behavior?  We need your help to patiently practice understanding and believing the best of our spouse. We don’t want to let twisted words have an influence in our relationship.

We know You hear us when we pray and that You desire us to grow closer together and to You. We trust that You will do this for Your great glory.

In Jesus’ name,

Amen

Welcome to our new subscribers. We hope you’ll check out our archives full of every subject imaginable to help your marriage grow.

If you haven’t yet, you can follow us on IG and FB too.

We are grateful for your desire to grow a healthy marriage for God’s glory. He is worth the effort as our marriage reflects His love for us.

Happy Monday,

Tom and Debi

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Foodie Fridays – Pumpkin Scones

Posted on September 13, 2024 by Debi Walter

In Florida we enjoy this season not because of the cooler weather, of which there is none. We enjoy it by what we eat.

A favorite in our family is the Copycat recipe I found of Starbucks’ Pumpkin Scone.

It is more involved than normal scones in that you have two different glazed toppings. But trust me, don’t skip the last step. This glaze is what gives the scone the over-the-top pumpkin spice flavor.

Pat out into a round by hand and
cut in wedges
Place on baking sheet and bake at 425°
Frost with first glaze
Drizzle pumpkin spice glaze
Enjoy!

If you want to try these yourself, here is the link to the Cooking Classy website.

It is good to be back sharing our Foodie Friday posts. I have lots more to share that are Fall Favorites too., so stay tuned.

Thank you to our new subscribers. We are grateful to have you join our vineyard where we discuss all things about growing a healthy marriage, having fun together as friends and cooking good food.

Have a blessed weekend!

Tom and Debi ❤️

Posted in Christian Marriage, Foodie Fridays | Tagged , , | 2 Comments

Just Kidding – Part 2

Posted on September 11, 2024 by Debi Walter

Reposted from 2012 and adds more examples and help on how to work through this kind of conflict.

This is a phrase used often.  It is said when the person really is just kidding. Laughter erupts with everyone in the room.

However, there are times when this phrase is said and one person is the brunt of the “just kidding” words spoken. One person may try to laugh it off–the one who said the thing. But to the one who heard the words, it’s like a dagger to the heart. They aren’t laughing. Oh, they may laugh on the outside, but on the inside there are tears of pain, of humiliation, of all sorts of bad things.

When this happens in a marriage the pain is only more intense because the one who knows you best is betraying you by leaving you vulnerable and exposed in public.

This may sound harsh. But it isn’t our heart to be harsh, only to address a very real problem that can be a blind spot in many marriages.

Here’s a scenario:

A couple is at a dinner party with friends. The evening is full of laughter and fun when one wife comments, “The flowers on the table are gorgeous. Where did you get them?”

“Oh, my husband bought them for me last week and they’ve stayed fresh all this time. I just love them.”

Another wife chimes in putting her arm around her husband’s neck, “If my husband ever bought me flowers it would be at my funeral.” She laughs and everyone else joins in, yet there is a sting in the air.

When the wife sees the expression on her husband’s face she says, “I was just kidding.”

These types of situations happen in marriage because two sinners got married. We shouldn’t be surprised when we treat each other this way at times. What we do after a time like this though, determines if our marriage is on a healthy path or a slippery slope.

A marriage on a healthy path…

…would bring this scenario up later when the two are alone. The husband would say, “You know when you said that about the flowers tonight, I felt embarrassed. It wasn’t funny to me.”

A marriage on a slippery slope…

…would either not bring the situation up at all, letting the sting penetrate the heart. Or the husband may retaliate with a stinger back to her in front of their friends. Both responses only add to the damage done.

Saying anything in jest that has an ounce of truth to it is detrimental to a healthy marriage.

We must purpose before getting in situations like these to never put each other in a bad light. If there are hurts or disappointments–which there will be–make sure you talk about these things in private. If you happen to be the one who said the hurtful words in front of others, humble yourself and repent. You should also go to your friends and repent to them for speaking ill of your spouse making the moment awkward for them.

These are growing moments in your relationship, but growth is stunted if we don’t learn from our mistakes.

The next time you use the words, I was just kidding, make sure you really are.

How have you handled moments like these? Has your marriage learned and grown stronger as a result? Or are you in need of making some things right? 

Posted in Christian Marriage, communication, Conflict, Keeping It Real | Tagged , | Comments Off on Just Kidding – Part 2

Just Kidding

Posted on September 9, 2024 by Debi Walter

There are times when joking with friends the words can roll off the tongue without thinking. It may be that you say something you didn’t mean to say or you say it in a way that sounds mean. Often we make light of the awkward situation by saying, “Just kidding.”

It’s worse if you do this to your spouse in front of friends. If you shrug it off saying “just kidding,” you have a choice to make.

1. Humble yourself and apologize to your spouse for putting them in a bad light; then apologize to your friends for hurting your spouse. Both exhibit your love and care for them.

2. Or you can deny any wrong doing and tell your spouse they’re being too sensitive. After all, you were just kidding.

The first choice represents a spouse who desires what’s best for their partner.

The second choice represents a spouse who cares more what others think of them than hurting and/or embarrassing the one they’re called to love.

We all say things we don’t mean at one time or another.

In our marriage we have both done this to each other more than we’d like to admit. But we shouldn’t be surprised—we are both a work in progress. We will never arrive at doing this marriage relationship perfectly.

When this has happened to us, we don’t say anything in the moment; we wait until we are alone and say something like this:

“Tonight when you said this about me in front of our friends it made me feel (fill in the blank).”

When Tom is leaning in to learn how to love and care for me, he will apologize. It doesn’t matter if he agrees or not—if he made me feel that way, it hurts him to realize he did this.

When I’ve said more than I needed to say and put Tom in a bad light, he will do the same with me—talk to me in private. Honestly, my first reaction can often be to say, “No, I didn’t!” But this isn’t leaning in to learn and grow. It’s being defensive which never leads to growth and humility.

The Bible instructs us…

“There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.” Proverbs 12:18 ESV

“Whoever keeps his mouth and his tongue keeps himself out of trouble.”
‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭21‬:‭23‬ ‭ESV

Let’s take these verses to heart and ask God to help us when we blurt out something hurtful.

We are back from our Papa and Nana Duty Delight. Matt and Heather are doing well with their family of four. We are so happy for this new season in their life.

Thank you for being a part of our Vineyard. We love encouraging your marriage to bear fruit that will remain. If you don’t want to miss a post, you can sign-up to receive them via email. Or follow us on IG and FB.

Have a great week,

Tom and Debi

Photo by Felix Rosteg on Unsplash

Posted in Biblical Encouragement, Christian Marriage, Conflict, Forgiveness, Keeping It Real | Tagged , , , | 2 Comments

Husbands, Are You a Student of Your Wife?

Posted on September 4, 2024 by Debi Walter

This question is good for both husbands and wives to ask of yourselves. Your answer indicates whether your marriage is growing strong or if your marriage is eroding away.

Let us introduce you to one man who has had a huge and consistent impact on our marriage, Paul David Tripp.

From the Paul Tripp app

He has helped us see our sin when needed, and built our resolve to change for the good of our marriage and the glory of God.

Paul teaches from a place of vulnerability, honesty, humility, biblical wisdom and understanding.

In this video Paul addresses the husbands from a familiar passage in 1 Peter:

“Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.”
‭‭1 Peter‬ ‭3‬:‭7‬ ‭ESV

The 5 1/2 minute video, along with hundreds more, is available on the Paul Tripp app which we highly recommend. Let his lifetime of study help your marriage grow. We have shared this video, The Character of a Husband’s Heart, with you below. (I tried embedding the video and it didn’t work. So I’ve added the link here.)

We are busy helping our daughter adjust with a newborn. Liliana Grace is beautiful and we are so in love.

We felt compelled to share this post with you and pray it helps you in surprising ways.

Thanks for being a part of our vineyard. We will be back soon.

Much love to you and yours,

Tom and Debi

Posted in Biblical Encouragement, Christian Marriage, Growing Strong Marriages, Husbands, Leadership, Roles In Marriage | Tagged , , , | 6 Comments

A Temporary Farewell

Posted on August 26, 2024 by Debi Walter

We started this blog almost 16 years ago—this November. We began providing date night ideas to help keep the romance and friendship alive in your relationship.

In the busyness of married life, it is easy to fall into a “business as usual”marriage. This is necessary to a degree, but loving and cherishing our spouse is primary and must be cultivated.

We will be taking the next few weeks off.

Our daughter is having a baby this week and we will be needed to help care for her her baby and sweet Elias. We are so excited to welcome a new baby girl to our family too.

While we will miss connecting with you, we will continue to pray for your marriages.

In the meantime, there are years of date night ideas available in our blog’s drop down menu on your phone, or in the blog’s sidebar on your computer. Check them out and let us know what works for you.

Soon Fall will be here along with cooler weather. This is our favorite time of year to date—so many options from picnics to evenings bundled around a fire.

Thank you for understanding our absence. The farewell is temporary and as soon as we’re able, we will introduce you to Liliana Grace. Only two more sleeps until we see her. 💖

Blessings,

Tom and Debi, aka Papa and Nana

Posted in Christian Marriage, Date Night Ideas, Grandparenting, Seasons of Life | Tagged , , | 3 Comments

Foodie Fridays – Farmers Market Day Date

Posted on August 23, 2024 by Debi Walter
A market we love in Clayton, GA

Living in Florida, it is difficult to grow a garden. Even my flowers are suffering in this unbearable heat, and they usually flourish.

Our local Farmer’s Market is a regular date we take together on Saturday mornings. We look over all the veggies and fruits and pick what looks good.

Last Saturday we drove to Winter Garden and noticed a huge pile of fresh picked poblano peppers. Their dark green shiny skin begged to be noticed. They succeeded and in our shopping tote they went. We also bought peaches, beefsteak tomatoes, mini cucumbers and bi-color, candy corn.

Tom and I usually enjoy eating breakfast at the market, but sadly our favorite food stand wasn’t there this week. What I didn’t know is that Tom had arranged for us to meet dear friends for breakfast at a new coffee shop just a few blocks away.

I love when he surprises me.

We had a delicious egg and cheese sandwich with bacon on a brioche bun, but catching up with our friends was sweetest part of the day.

Stuffed Poblano Peppers were placed on the week’s menu remembering how good they were when we first made them years ago. We used the recipe from the Dinner at the Zoo website and it was even better than we remembered!

We enjoyed them last night and can’t wait for you to try them for yourself.

A few changes to note: We used cheddar cheese instead of pepper jack because it’s what we had on hand. We also omitted the cilantro because we didn’t have any—but I would have loved it!

Thank you again for being a part of our vineyard. We enjoy hearing from you and pray your marriage benefits too.

Why not plan a date day this weekend? Make it even better by surprising your spouse.

Next Wednesday we will welcome a new granddaughter to our family. We can’t wait to meet Liliana Grace and Elias can’t wait to be her big brother. The best part is they only live a mile from us. #nanashappy 🥰

Have a great weekend,

Tom and Debi

Posted in Christian Marriage, Daytime Dates, Foodie Fridays | Tagged , , , , | Comments Off on Foodie Fridays – Farmers Market Day Date

Together

Posted on August 19, 2024 by Debi Walter
Tom’s Birthday Cake

We have had a busy weekend celebrating Tom’s birthday. It was fun to really surprise him this year and give him one he’ll never forget.

Today we are tired because Monday is our scheduled day at the gym.

We work out twice a week with a trainer and another couple who are close friends. They couldn’t make it today, so Tom and I partnered on all the sets. He would do his set and rest while I did mine. It was good to see the progress we’ve made this year.

But what we really enjoy is going out for a good lunch after the workout. Honestly, this is often what motivates our endurance.

I found a new bakery in town where I purchased Tom’s birthday cake as shown above, and a few pastries for him to enjoy over the weekend. It’s called Paris Baguette in Winter Park, and it reminds me of the bakeries we visited in Paris. They also sell savory items such a baguette sandwiches and wraps. Delicious!

I took Tom there for lunch today, just the two of us. We shared a ham and cheese baguette and got a free pastry for using their app. As a treat I got a Lavazza Cold Brew coffee with almond milk. This is our favorite coffee that we make at home. And how fun to find it here!

We relaxed and enjoyed every bite. It felt as if we were on vacation with only our sore muscles reminding us that we weren’t.

Isn’t it nice to enjoy little snippets of time together to savor and relax over good food and conversation?

What is a favorite place you both enjoy together?

Thank you for being a part of our vineyard. We love hearing from you and pray that your marriage is benefiting from our posts. If you’d like you can sign up to receive every post by email, simply sign up in the column to the right on your computer, or click the subscribe button at the bottom of your iPhone screen.

Have a great week together,

Tom and Debi

Posted in Cherishing, Christian Marriage, Date Night Ideas, Daytime Dates | Tagged , , , | Comments Off on Together

Foodie Fridays – Chicken Cacciatore, Bruschetta and Vanilla Cream Tarts with Cherries

Posted on August 16, 2024 by Debi Walter

Years ago I read a book that completely changed the way I viewed cooking and hosting friends in our home. The book’s title is, Bread & Wine by Shauna Niequist.

My biggest takeaway from her book is the reminder of the privilege it is to have a messy kitchen to clean up. It’s evidence of a wonderful time shared together around the table.

This week we celebrated another birthday meal in our family for our son-in-love. He didn’t have a preference for dinner, but was craving vanilla cream pie with cherries. This would be a fun one to make.

My husband’s birthday is this Sunday, so I made one of his favorites for the dinner —Chicken Cacciatore over rice.

For the appetizer I chose bruschetta. This is something I’ve wanted to make since our trip to Italy last Spring.

First of all, I must admit I failed in trying to make the vanilla pie dairy free. It was awful. I’m grateful I still had time for plan B, which was homemade A2 whole milk vanilla pudding with cherry topping. The latter would have taken too long to make from scratch, so I opted for cherry pie filling from Duncan Hines. Surprisingly, all the ingredients were good, so I gave it a try.

It was a hit. I have learned to read labels to find products I can use with which I might not be famliar.

The chicken cacciatore comes from a cookbook my Italian mother-in-law gave me. It has been a favorite for as long as I can remember.

I wish I had a plated photo to share, but honestly, we were so hungry and focused on family, I forgot to take it. I guess this is the best reason.

Bruschetta
Vanilla Cream pie tart with cherry topping

I’ll close with this quote from Shauna:

“Many of the most sacred moments in my life, the ones in which I feel God’s presence most profoundly, when I feel the goodness of the world most arrestingly, take place around the table. Something extraordinary happens when we slow down, open our homes, look into one another’s faces, and listen to one another’s stories around the table.

This is my love letter to life around the table.”

Thank you so much for being a part of our vineyard. And a warm welcome to our new friends. We pray our posts help supply your marriage with all it needs to grow strong for a lifetime.

Have a great weekend,

Tom and Debi

Posted in Christian Marriage, Foodie Fridays | Tagged , , , , , | 2 Comments

What Love Looks Like

Posted on August 14, 2024 by Debi Walter

This quote is from Dr. John Delony, bestselling author, mental health expert and host of the Dr. John Delony Show. He also is part of Dave Ramsey’s team of experts who spend their loves helping people out of their messes: emotional, spiritual, financial and more.

The advice above seems common sense in a healthy marriage, but sadly there are many husbands and wives who just don’t get it.

Marriage doesn’t come with an individualized owner’s manual. What works for your friends may or may not work for your marriage.

How can a marriage change if the two people involved aren’t willing to change themselves?

How do we fix what’s broken?

How can we learn to understand what seems impossible to grasp?

How do we talk about hot topics as adults, and not react in childish ways?

We wish we could say, “We can!” But we can’t.

This kind of heart work can only be repaired by the One who made both hearts—The God of the Universe.

He is Jehovah Jireh, which means “provider”. And it’s not our physical needs alone he cares for, but our emotional, spiritual and marriage needs as well.

If you don’t know God in this personal way, we would love to help you meet Him.

If you do, but haven’t found the help needed, we encourage you to find a healthy church community to join and get involved. We were never meant to do life in isolation. God made us and our marriages to be involved in a community of believers.

The only way to know what love looks like is to personally know the God of Love.

“For God so loved the world, that He gave His only Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have eternal life.” – John 3:16 ESV

Thank you for being a part of our Vineyard. We are grateful you desire to have a healthy marriage, and we pray our posts help you discover ways that work for your relationship.

We invite you to follow us on IG and on FB if you haven’t already. And also share our posts with your married friends. We all need encouragement to grow and change for God’s glory and our blog is one small way for us to hopefully make a difference.

Blessings,

Tom and Debi

Books by Dr. John Delony

Redefining Anxiety

Own Your Past, Change Your Future

Building A Non-Anxious Life

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Foodie Fridays – Summer Grilled Steak Salad

Posted on August 9, 2024 by Debi Walter

We were having friends over for a Friday afternoon lunch—a perk of retired life. 🥰

Tom and I decided a Steak Salad would be perfect for a hot Summer afternoon lunch, and it was.

Tom took care of marinating and grilling the steak and as well as grilling the fresh corn on the cob. I assembled the rest of the salad along with baking a crusty homemade bread. It all turned out quite delicious.

Our friends enjoyed it all with smiles and laughter. That is the best compliment we could ever receive.

If you would like to try this, here are the recipes: Marinated and Grilled Flank Steak, Grilled Steak Salad with Balsalmic Vinaigrette Dressing, Crusty No-Knead Bread.

Please note that we didn’t cook the steak as the salad recipe called for. We marinated it using the first recipe. Everything else we did according to the recipes.

What kinds of recipes have you found work best on hot, summer days?

Thanks so much for reading. We hope our Foodie Friday posts inspire you to try something new in the kitchen. Have a great weekend!

Blessings,

Tom and Debi

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Vintage Post: Are You an Eraser or a Highlighter

Posted on August 7, 2024 by Debi Walter

Originally posted in April, 2019, this is a good word worth repeating…

Erasers are used to take away errors giving an opportunity to make corrections. Highlighters are used to emphasize something you don’t want to forget. In marriage we can use both to either help or hurt our relationship.

How are we to use erasers in a way that will benefit our marriage most?

Proverbs 19:11 says, “Good sense makes one slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook an offense.”

Do you find it difficult in the heat of the moment to choose to not make a big deal out of something your spouse did that you don’t like?

Let’s look at the positive ways we can be an eraser:

  • Choosing to overlook when our spouse irritates us.
  • Thinking the best of them when something happens we don’t understand.
  • Focusing on the good we love about them, rather than the areas that still need attention.
  • Not venting to others about their struggles and/or sins.

Being an eraser requires a commitment beforehand to do this. Otherwise we are caught up in the emotions of the moment and will most often react.

How often Christ has modeled this for us in our own lives. He doesn’t nit-pick every mistake or sin. He gently chides us in the areas where change is needed. And He patiently forebears with us as we struggle. He remembers what we are made of. We would do well to aspire to treat our spouse with such kindness.

Highlighters are the exact opposite. They emphasize something to make it more visible.

How can we use a highlighter in a way that will benefit our marriage most?

Jesus tells us this analogy that will point us to part of the answer.

“Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.” Matthew‬ ‭7:3-5‬ ‭ESV‬‬

Realizing our sin and how it impacts our spouse will help keep us from being quick to judge our spouse–highlighting our own failures and sins, rather than theirs.

I learned this the hard way, and the lesson will never be forgotten. God didn’t make me the standard-bearer for how my spouse should live. That is God’s job alone, and He is jealous to do His work.

Highlighters are also used to remember something we love in a book. How important to make much of those things we love about our spouse. Quips we can easily recite to ourselves when we are tempted to highlight the negative.

Positive ways we can be a highlighter:

  • Be quick to confess your sin to your spouse when necessary, and ask forgiveness. (This is highlighting your own need to change, a healthy habit in marriage).
  • Think often on those things you love most about your spouse. (Highlighting their strengths).
  • Communicate to them those things. Be specific.
  • Commend your spouse and their positive character to your friends and family. Especially your children. Let them hear your accolades of affection.
  • Remind yourself daily of the Gospel and how Christ’s finished work has informed your life and impacted your marriage to live this way.

We are all a work in progress. Our highest priority is to come alongside each other and help us each be the best version of ourselves we can be, for the glory of God.

Erasers and highlighters are common tools found in every marriage. Let’s not allow our marriage to be one that highlights the bad and erases the good. If this is an area in need of change, plan a night together to talk about it.

Welcome to our new followers. We are thrilled you are seeking to grow a healthy marriage for God’s glory. We also welcome your comments as we read and respond to them all.

Blessings,

Tom and Debi

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3 Ways to Diffuse an Argument

Posted on August 5, 2024 by Debi Walter

Every couple has disagreements. Sometimes those disagreements can become heated.

We may not be able to avoid the tense times, but there are ways to diffuse an argument before it ignites.

Imagine an argument is like a bundle of dynamite. It is always has the potential to explode, but the fuse has to be lit first.

#1 – Listen

We’ve all seen the old westerns where a fuse is lit and the flame winds its way through rocks and up the side of a mountain. The good guys are frantically trying to put the flame out before it is too late.

We breathe a sigh of relief when the good guys get there in time.

Listening to our spouse when we disagree is like lengthening the fuse attached to the dynamite. Talking together through hot topics before the heat is on helps us add distance between the start of a disagreement and the explosion of anger.

#2 – Lower Your Voice

My husband has said this to me over and over, especially when raising teens. But as I’ve grown older I’ve found my voice is stronger towards Tom than it was when we were younger. Many equate this to hormones, but I’m sure God doesn’t give me that excuse. Rather, He uses my changing hormones to continue sanctifying me more in His image. But I must cooperate.

Our current struggle is not hearing each other clearly. I may react to something and only discover this isn’t what Tom said at all. Whoops! It’s embarrassing to admit, but I must be honest if I am to change.

The next time your spouse says something where you want to explode, try this…think the best, ask more questions and talk like adults face to face. We should not be surprised that we disagree, but we should be when we explode about what we think is our spouse’s motive. That is God’s department, and I can rest that He will take care of convicting my spouse where needed.

The Bible says, “A soft word turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger” Proverbs 15:1 ESV

#3 – Admit When You are Wrong

Finally, there will be times when an argument is warranted. Your spouse, friend or counselor calls you out on it and you react. How is reacting with anger going to build a stronger marriage? If your spouse is seeing it, there is a reason.

Defending yourself only reveals pride.

Tom often says we all have blind spots, areas where we don’t realize how our actions, words or decisions are hurting our spouse. We must realize God will use anyone He can to get our attention. If you don’t heed His conviction, there may be a day when God gives you over to the consequences of your decisions. This should frighten every true believer of God.

When was the last time you told your spouse, “I was wrong. Please forgive me.”?

These should be said often if your marriage is growing in the right direction. If you can’t remember the last time you genuinely repented, we encourage you to ask God to remove the scales or logs from your own eyes in order to repent.

“Do you suppose, O man—you who judge those who practice such things and yet do them yourself—that you will escape the judgment of God? Or do you presume on the riches of his kindness and forbearance and patience, not knowing that God’s kindness is meant to lead you to repentance? But because of your hard and impenitent heart you are storing up wrath for yourself on the day of wrath when God’s righteous judgment will be revealed.”
‭‭Romans‬ ‭2‬:‭3‬-‭5‬ ‭ESV‬‬

We implore you to blow up your pride instead of blowing up at your spouse. The former is following the lead of the Holy Spirit known as the “narrow road”, and the latter is following the wide path to destruction.

Your marriage is worth protecting and it starts by diffusing all weapons formed against it—dynamite included.

Thank you for reading and welcome to all our new followers. We pray that our posts help you grow a healthy marriage for God’s glory. He is worthy of it all!

Blessings,

Tom and Debi

Posted in Biblical Encouragement, Christian Marriage, communication, Difficulty, Growing Strong Marriages, Keeping It Real | Tagged , , , | Comments Off on 3 Ways to Diffuse an Argument

Foodie Fridays – Chicago, Thanks for the Memories

Posted on August 2, 2024 by Debi Walter

Tom and I have enjoyed so many meals and moments in Chicago.

The business we owned was a commercial food equipment parts and service distributor. Every May, (C-FESA) the National Association to which we were members, had meetings at the National Restaurant Association (NRA) annual trade show held at McCormick Place.

We would stay at a beautiful high rise hotel on the “Magnificent Mile”, also known as Michigan Avenue.

May is a gorgeous time to visit The Windy City. It is when all the flower beds on either side of the street are filled with tulips of every color and variety. Being a native Floridian, this was something I had never seen and it was breathtaking!

It was obvious Spring was happy to return.

Add to the floral beauty the sounds of a bustling downtown alive with pedestrians, tourists and residents all scrambling to their destination; the energy was addictive.

But what I loved most about this season of our life was the food.

Photo from The Drake Hotel website

The High Tea at the historic Drake Hotel is like stepping back in time. Fresh flower arrangements don every nook of the lobby and spacious dining room. Tapestries and antique mirrors add warmth and beauty to the setting. A classical harpist dressed in a formal attire strokes the strings quietly adding a touch romance. The tea is served with finger sandwiches of cucumber, egg salad and other edible delights. It is more than tea, it is an experience you’ll not soon forget.

Over the years we became good friends with two couples, one from Arizona and one from Wisconsin. Being in the restaurant industry we shared a love for fine dining. Each year we would take turns picking where to eat. One year we happened on an all-time favorite, Keefers. Unfortunately it is no longer in business, but the food lives on in my palate’s memory.

It was here that I discovered Dover Sole. It is a delicate white fish caught off the coast of England. It is usually filleted table side and served with a lemon caper cream sauce. Ahhh!

This last week Tom planned a couple of days away as part of my birthday present. What I didn’t know was he had made reservations for us at a restaurant serving Dover Sole. I was giddy with delight. I can’t remember the last time I’ve had it so this was going to be a treat.

The fish was beautifully prepared and served hot. When I was almost finished I found a few bones that our server missed while filleting, which kept me from enjoying all of it, but I was extremely satisfied.

Food has a way of leaving an imprint on the palate like a photograph leaves for the eyes. Replicating an imprint is not easy, but Tom managed to do it well. He gave me this gift that was new, yet held a fond memory I’ll always cherish.

Now that’s a gift for which I am grateful despite a few bones. Thanks for the memory, Chicago!

What imprints do you or your spouse recall? Think of ways you could you recreate it for them and make it happen.

Thank you for reading and for sharing. We are grateful that you have chosen to visit our vineyard.

Blessings,

Tom and Debi

Posted in Cherish, Christian Marriage, Foodie Fridays, Intimacy, Travel | Tagged , , , , , | 7 Comments

Making Ordinary Days Special

Posted on July 31, 2024 by Debi Walter

Dating your spouse is a mindset. It is the desire to be together doing things you both love. The key word is “together”.

Using this definition can make an ordinary, running of errands, kind of day into a date, if you’re doing it together.

This has never been more true than in our current season of retirement. It doesn’t matter what we’re doing, as long as we make the most of the time to talk, listen and connect.

Dating your spouse is caring for your spouse.

So this weekend why not care for your spouse by being present and giving your full-attention to each other. You may realize there is a hidden treasure in ordinary moments.

Happy Dating,

Tom and Debi

Thanks for visiting our vineyard. And thank you for sharing. Mostly we are grateful that you stopped by showing that marriage matters to you.

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How To Tell If You’re Selfish In Your Marriage

Posted on July 29, 2024 by Debi Walter

Our church is going through Proverbs and today was chapter 5. Loving marriage the way we do, we have committed our lives to encourage intimacy on emotional, physical, intellectual and spiritual levels. But there is a fifth aspect of intimacy we all have vowed but may not realize. It’s when we vowed to love AND cherish each other.

Gary Thomas’ book, Cherish, has been the tool used in our marriage to bring understanding to what it means to cherish each other. It’s basically an unselfish love that seeks to build up and strengthen your spouse without regard for your own need. If both are cherishing each other, intimacy can’t help but grow.

Love flows through open doors.

If either spouse is shutting the door of communication, listening or repenting, the marriage will suffer. It may even die for lack of love and care.

Imagine a parent who has a newborn baby. The needs are great and without the needed care the baby would die. It’s the same in marriage. Your spouse’s affections will suffer if you are only thinking of yourself.

Selfishness has no place in a healthy marriage.

How can you tell if you’re being selfish?

1. Ask those who know you best. Most likely they’ve observed your self-focus in how you relate to your spouse.

2. Ask your children. You may not realize it, but they learn more from your example than they do your words.

3. Ask your spouse, but do so with ears to hear them. Resist the desire to defend yourself, even if you don’t see it the way they do; pride rarely agrees with being challenged. It requires a humility to hear correction from those closest to you.

“Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor. Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit, serve the Lord. Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. Contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality. Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them. Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly. Never be wise in your own sight. Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.”
‭‭Romans‬ ‭12‬:‭9‬-‭18‬ ‭ESV‬‬

Marriage, in order to grow through the years, requires a willingness of both husband and wife to grow and mature. The only way this happens is to each prefer the interests and desires of the other.

Let’s pursue what cherishing looks like in our marriage. It will be different for every couple, but it is what all marriages need.

Thanks for reading and welcome to our new followers. We are glad you’re wanting to grow a healthy marriage for God’s glory. If you haven’t yet, you can sign up to receive our posts via email. We’d love for you to join our vineyard.

Have a blessed week,

Tom and Debi

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