“He Did!”

Posted on February 22, 2011 by Debi Walter

We were driving in the car recently talking about some things weighing on both of our hearts.  It was a conversation most couples have about relational difficulty and how to overcome it.  I was struggling more than Tom, so in an effort to bring some resolve to my heart I was being honest with my feelings asking for his help and understanding.

He offered both.  But not in the way I expected.

First, he listened. He is so good at it and this is something for which I am very grateful!

Next he understood. He knows my struggle with unresolved conflicts.  He knows how I long to have everything go the way they’re supposed to with NO misunderstanding.  But life is rarely this way.  We are sinners who sin, and this creates messes which are always in need of cleaning up.  I don’t want to have to endure.  I don’t want to overlook.  I don’t want to clean the messes others create.  I want all this to be over, but nothing we do seems to help.

The struggle continues.

I would rather do anything else, and my heart is freely telling Tom all about it.  In total frustration I blurt out, “Why do I have to go through this over and over again?”

Finally Tom answered, and it melted my heart to tears.

He simply said, “He did!” (He, meaning – Jesus). Tom spoke the Truth my frustrated and irritated heart needed to hear.  And the Truth once again set me free!

I remembered how much Christ has done for me.  He was willing to endure countless beatings and unrelenting mocking because He loved me – He loved us.  He saw the Cross and the pain He would have to go through to make a place for sinners like me, and He was willing.  He did it for our good and God’s glory!

Tom spoke the Truth to my soul.  With two simple words he silenced the critical spirit within and helped me cry out to God, “Help me glorify You, even in this, Father!”

After 32 years of marriage, I am grateful for a husband who knows me well enough to speak to me in such a way.

How does your spouse help you in difficulty?  Do you freely speak the Truth in love to each other, or do you simply complain?  May we all be quick to hear and slow to speak.  And when we do speak – may our words be full of the Truth, which alone can set us free.

Posted in Christian Marriage, communication, Difficulty | 3 Comments

Mark Your Calendar

Posted on February 21, 2011 by Tom and Debi

 

Photo: myfitnessdepot.com

We have never been a runners much less considered participating in a marathon; but we know it requires hours and hours of training to get your body in shape to endure the race and finish well.  We imagine after the joy of accomplishing such a goal becomes simply a memory, there is a temptation to take it easy, to sit back and relax.  After all, you just completed a marathon, right?

Wrong!

Those who run do so because it is part of who they are.  They don’t run simply to compete in the race.  They race because they run!

The week after Valentine’s Day can seem anticlimactic in regards to romance, especially if you planned and enjoyed a wonderful time together.  But do we romance our spouse because it’s Valentine’s Day or do we enjoy Valentine’s Day because we regularly romance our spouse?  It is our prayer it is becoming more and more the latter as we purpose to pursue each other everyday!

Enjoy these ideas to help you get back on track in practicing regular times to celebrate  together.

Fun Dates To Celebrate:

21

  • National Sticky Bun Day – wrap one up for your sweetie for tomorrow’s breakfast
  • President’s Day – serve up some cherry pie.

22

  • International World Thinking Day – play Suduko or another brainy game, like Chess.
  • National Margarita Day – Ole’

23

  • National Banana Bread Day – I have the best recipe for this EVER!  If you don’t believe me, give it a try.  I got it from my mom!
  • Play Tennis Day – This would be fun even if you aren’t good at it.

24

  • National Tortilla Chip Day – make some delicious nachos to enjoy after the kids are in bed!

25

  • National Chili Day – have a chili cook-off with another couple.  See who makes the best!
  • National Chocolate Covered Nuts Day – Yep, there really is a day so named – who knew?  Enjoy!

26

  • National Pistachio Day – pick up a bag to shell and eat or go out for ice cream!
  • Tell A Fairy Tale Day – make up a story together based on your marriage and share it with your children.  Take turns telling it.

27

  • International Polar Bear Day – enjoy a Klondike Bar!
  • National Kahlua Day – I found this recipe for making your own Kahlua.  Sounds interesting and would make a nice gift for those who like it!

Now for what’s happening around Orlando this week:

CENTRAL

  • Winter Park – Music At The Casa on Sunday, February 27th from 12p – 3p.  FREE.

NORTH

  • Altamonte Springs – Crane’s Roost Park will host Coppers ‘n Choppers on Saturday, February 26th from 12p. to 5p.
  • Sanford – Fourth Fridays – Celebrating the Arts will take place in historic downtown Sanford from 6p – 8:30p.  This month’s theme is Landscapes Near And Far.  The event is FREE.

EAST

  • New Smyrna Beach – 49th Annual Arts Fiesta will take place February 26th and 27th at Old Fort Park. 9a – 5p.  FREE.
  • New Smyrna Beach – Hawaiian Open and Luau – Thursday, February 24th from 5p – 10p.  This is a fun event where an 18 hole Putt Putt course is set up on Flagler Avenue.  Players compete to finish all 18 holes and enter their completed score card for a chance to win a trip to Hawaii.  Cost to play is $10, FREE to watch.
  • Casselberry – Latin Jazz Concert featuring the music of Arturo Sandoval at Lake Concord Park.  Concert begins at 6p.  FREE.

SOUTH


Posted in Date Night Ideas, Mark Your Calendars (time sensitive), Orlando Date Ideas, romancing your husband, romancing your spouse, romancing your wife | 1 Comment

Fragrant Aroma: One Thousand Gifts…

Posted on February 18, 2011 by Debi Walter

…a Dare To Live Fully Right Where You Are!

This week has been busy.  But it started with an amazingly, relaxing and romantic dinner with Tom.  How we love moments to just BE.

One Thousand Gifts, by Ann Voskamp, is a book that encourages us to slow down in order to see all the beauty God has set in our path for our pleasure and ultimately His glory!

Take time to stop and enjoy to this beautiful video where a portion of the book is read.  It may just change your perspective on this day, this weekend and help you see life as God desires – “Holy, Ordinary, a Gift – Amazing Grace!”

Posted in A Fragrant Aroma | 2 Comments

10 Hindrances To Cultivating A Romantic Vineyard

Posted on February 17, 2011 by Tom and Debi

#5 – Wrong Motives

We’ve all done it.  It’s our human nature to want to look good.  When we look good we feel good, or so we think.  That is until someone comes along (many times it’s our spouse) and pops our false image revealing the REAL me, the REAL us.

We are most tempted to want our marriage to look better than it is when we are around our peers.  We want to fit in with the crowd, so no one notices our weaknesses.  No one has to know what really goes on behind closed doors – the times of distance or lack of effective communication we allow; the amount of time that has passed since we last made love; the mean, critical thoughts we harbor about each other. After all, what would they think?

This is how wrong motives work in marriage.  It is wanting a good marriage for the wrong reasons.

Photo: Jason Hutchens

Many brides anticipate the wedding of their dreams, but give no thought for the “til death do us part.”  Husbands likewise, can pursue and romance the one woman who has caught their eye for months.  They gladly spend time and their hard-earned money putting their best foot forward, yet fail to continue pursuing and loving their bride day-after -day,”as long as we both shall live.”

Imagine a vineyard where the first two rows look great to the cars as they pass by, but  don’t ever venture beyond this point or you won’t like what you see.  Marriages which are motivated wrongly often distance themselves from true and meaningful relationships.  They would rather have quick encounters with surface relationships, so no one gets too close.  We think we’re protecting the reputation of the vineyard, but in reality we’re protecting the problem.

Photo by: laur219

How can we change?  How can we be motivated rightly?  By being REAL, by being humble and admitting we don’t have all the answers!  But we want to, and we know the One who does!  God is ready and willing to help us find the answers we seek; to help us cultivate rightly. This is where change begins, as we truthfully face our lack and seek the answers we need.

We have a room in The Romantic Vineyard aptly called, Soil Samples. This is the place to find questions to help in growing your vineyard beyond the surface and superficial  to deep and lasting maturity. This is where the best wines are produced where the roots grow deep and strong.  Here are three examples taken from the Soil Samples Room to consider:

  • What have you experienced in life that helps you to believe there is a loving God? Has anything ever happened that caused you to doubt that?
  • Are you ever frightened about the future? If so, what frightens you?
  • Think of all our married friends. What are some of the positive things you see in their marriages that you’d like to see us do?

Finally, we realize Hollywood is the one place where they excel at providing a false image of lasting love.  But sometimes they get it right. Here is a quote from a Hollywood movie, Captain Corelli’s Mandolin, which actually speaks the Truth about lasting marriage, but we’re not condoning this movie as we haven’t seen it.  But the quote is excellent!

“Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being in love which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossoms had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two.”

All the struggle, all the difficulty is producing in us something beautiful – oneness.  But only if we are allowing God to work in us, honestly sharing where we are with those who love and care for us.  Sometimes we have to do the brave thing, even if inside we’re scared to death.  Marriage is serious, and it is hard work.  But the fruit a healthy marriage yields will bless many as they pass by.  They may even stop and take a long walk among the vines – way beyond the first two rows!


 

Posted in Christian Marriage, communication, Difficulty, Forgiveness, Growing Strong Marriages, Hindrances to Romance | 3 Comments

The Art of Marriage

Posted on February 16, 2011 by Debi Walter

Stan and Leota Gray (my parents)

I’ll never forget it.

The hall was rented.  The tables were decorated in white and gold with a miniature wedding cake marking “50 Years.”  It was 1997 and my parent’s Golden Wedding Anniversary.  My brother, sister and I worked tirelessly to honor them with such a reception.  We wanted to convey how much their example had meant to us. We wanted to invite all of our family and their friends to congratulate them on this mile stone.

Sitting at our family table were my Aunt and Uncle who had been married for 56 years, my sister and her husband who had been married for 24 years, my brother and his wife who had been married for 19 years, as well as Tom and I who had just celebrated 19 years too.  Total there was 168 years of faithfulness on display.  What a rarity!  Today more than half of all marriages end in divorce, and this includes the Christian community!  How can we prevent these statistics from continuing to rise?

Dennis and Barbara Rainey, with Family Life Today have been hosting Marriage Encounter weekends for years and with great success.  Now they have expanded their seminars by making videos available of their successful Weekend To Remember material.  Last weekend was the first national campaign for this worthwhile event.  Watch the following video to hear about it:

The Weekend To Remember Conferences are taking place all over America.  Click here to see where one is planned in your area.

The Art of Marriage Conferences are also available all over America.  Click here to see where one is planned close to you.

Marriages are not primarily for our happiness; we are actually the glue helping to hold our society and its future together.  Children thrive in homes where the father and mother are present everyday.  Statistics prove it.  This is why we must do all we can to not only stay together – the first step – but to grow our marriage for God’s glory.

Children yet to be born will benefit from our faithfulness to our wedding vows, who knows?  Maybe they’ll be the ones to host our Golden Anniversary party decades from now!

 

 

Posted in Christian Marriage, Growing Strong Marriages | Tagged , | Comments Off on The Art of Marriage

Slices

Posted on February 15, 2011 by Tom and Debi

First of all, we must announce our winner for this month’s Here’s To Us Challenge – it’s…

Sharon O.

She has been busy taking care of her husband who had shoulder surgery last month.  She says: 

“I am not a nurse for me to wait on him and help him with meds, etc. has been both challenging and good for us. We made it.”  🙂

And we are happy to help you celebrate!  Enjoy a night out on us Sharon, and thanks for being a part of our Vineyard!

Following are Slices from our Valentine Dinner at home.  If you click on the food pictures it will take you to the recipes we used, which we have posted on our daughter’s Food Blog:

Appetizers while watching the sunset!
Keeping warm by the fire
Dinner: Roasted Pheasant, Wild Rice and Asparagus
Gift to enjoy watching after dinner
Dessert: Bananas Foster

How did you celebrate Valentines Day?  Our tradition is to have a romantic dinner at home.  We’d love to hear yours!

Posted in Contests, Here's To Us Challenge, Holidays, Slices | Tagged | 2 Comments

Love Songs In The Air

Posted on February 14, 2011 by Tom and Debi

Music has a way of communicating heart-to-heart in a way no other venue does.  The words tell of our deepest emotions and when set to music the words somehow find a place of quiet rest in the heart of the hearer.  How appropriate it would be to share a favorite love song with your Valentine today, and we have found the perfect way to do it.

In.com is providing a variety of love songs available for you to send to your spouse for a very romantic serenade.  Simply choose the song that you want to dedicate and follow the prompts to post it to your spouse’s Facebook page.

Or if you would rather your song be more private, visit Amazon.com for your free MP3 download to send to your spouse for keeps!  You’ll be given a code to use for $2 credit which is enough to pay for the download of one song.

Love is in the air, and now you have the chance to adorn it with music!

Happy Valentine’s Day!

 

 

 

 

Posted in Holidays, Music, romancing your husband, romancing your spouse, romancing your wife | Tagged , | Comments Off on Love Songs In The Air

Here’s To Us Challenge – Part 2

Posted on February 12, 2011 by Debi Walter

February Challenge

This is the second month of our Here’s To Us Challenge.  It’s a year long event where we purpose to find one special something to celebrate each month as husband and wife!  Tom and I are celebrating the end of a very challenging conflict.  How?  Well, I’m afraid we can’t tell you HOW, but suffice it to say – we enjoyed our oneness!

Yes, we are very happy around here, and excited to hear how you’ve celebrated some everyday moments this past month.  If you don’t remember the challenge – check it out HERE.  If you do, please comment telling us how you celebrated something little, but special.  This is your chance to enter our monthly drawing for a gift card to your favorite restaurant.  What a great gift to share with your spouse on Valentines Day too!  We will delay announcing the winner until Tuesday, so the winner can surprise their spouse.

So, don’t delay!!  You have until midnight Sunday to post a comment, which gives you time to celebrate a Here’s To Us moment in case you’ve forgotten!   We look forward to hearing from you!

If you’re still not sure how to celebrate Valentines Day – check out this post from the Simply Modern Moms’ blog.  She has some great inexpensive ideas that don’t require a babysitter!

 

Posted in Contests, Date Night Ideas, Here's To Us Challenge | 8 Comments

A Fragrant Aroma – A Good Book

Posted on February 11, 2011 by Debi Walter

Photo: Fremont Place Books

Books.

One must be fully engaged in the story in order to actually get what the author wants you to get. When caught up in the middle of a chapter where struggle and conflict are playing out word by word, it is hard to put a good book down.

 

Photo: Pixeltango.com

God is busy writing a book in each of our lives.  He knows how it will all play out, but we don’t.  We’re like the reader waiting for each day to reveal the next part of the story – our story.

This week I’ve been away with Tom on a business trip.  He’s been in meetings, and I’ve been working on my own book – a project which has taken far too long.  But in the middle of this seemingly normal week, God helped us resolve a long-standing conflict.

It wasn’t because we weren’t trying.  We have!

We’ve spent countless hours discussing and attempting to interpret the motives of our own hearts.  Page after page we turned only to find the conflict still there the next day –  still unresolved.

Until today. We have finally come to the last page of this trying chapter and can say with confidence, “It’s over!”

We cried.  We hugged.  And most sincerely we thanked God for His faithfulness to us in helping us change and grow for His glory!

Our story is becoming His story!  And we are GLAD!

The following is the song our heart is singing today in worship to God.  May you find God’s faithfulness unfolding in your heart as well!

Posted in A Fragrant Aroma, communication, Difficulty, Growing Strong Marriages | 3 Comments

10 Hindrances To Cultivating a Romantic Vineyard

Posted on February 10, 2011 by Tom Walter

#4 – Financial Pressure

 

In keeping a vineyard it takes money to make money.  The owner has to continually invest in the process or risk losing everything.  As a former business owner I am well aware of the pressure felt when money is tight.  In business there are many variables completely out of our ability to control.  Although money may be tight, it may or may not be your fault.

However, in marriage many times the struggle can be self-imposed, which adds guilt and shame to the tension.  If the marriage is strong, this can difficult.  If it is weak, the pressure can seem unrelenting.

But we are not without hope.  Jesus references money more than any other topic in the Bible.  He is well aware of our temptation to love it too much, to spend what we don’t have and to ignore the warning signs as the trouble is mounting.  Sometimes it isn’t until the massive wave of debt comes crashing down on us when we’re finally willing to do something about it.  Sadly, this is often too late for their spouse, and the marriage crumbles under the pressure.

How is it possible to cultivate romance when all around you is difficult?  I believe there is one key to help avoid this downward spiral:  Remember your spouse is not your enemy. You are on the same team!  And facing this problem together with the Lord’s help is the only way to overcome it.

This sounds quite basic, yet many of us struggle as if our spouse has done this purposefully against us.  I’ll admit I have been witness to some marriages where this was the case, but it is the exception – not the rule!

If you are facing tremendous financial pressure, don’t let this dictate how, or even IF you will romance your spouse.  We must continue to cultivate the relationship God has given us. Be willing to be brutally honest with your spouse in regards to money – talk about the struggle and look to the future together to see how you can make positive changes.  No hole is so deep from which it can’t be escaped, but it takes hard work and commitment from both partners!

There are many organizations willing to help.  Our suggestion is to check out Dave Ramsey‘s Financial Peace University.  He has helped thousands of couples who were in such dire straights, they were seriously heading for a divorce over money issues.  In fact it was his own failure in this area which led him to make serious changes.  It not only saved their finances, but their marriage as well! If you are unfamiliar with Dave Ramsey and his program, we couldn’t recommend him more highly!  We’ve taken the 12-week course ourselves and gleaned so much from it.

One thing is certain – you can’t ignore your finances and likewise you can’t ignore your marriage.  Both require continuous cultivation or weeds and decay are inevitable. This will certainly prevent the rich harvest we desire.

Posted in Christian Marriage, Growing Strong Marriages, Hindrances to Romance | 7 Comments

From Crutch to Pen

Posted on February 9, 2011 by Tom and Debi

Hallmark has become the icon of sharing from the heart words you want to say, but aren’t sure how.  For many it has become the only way we tell our spouses what we’re thinking. What started as a help could end up as a crutch, if we aren’t careful. Watch this humorous video to see what we mean:

There is nothing wrong with buying a card.  In fact we highly encourage it.  However, if greeting cards are the only means used to express your deepest sentiments, it might be time to think about it more purposefully.

We have found a campaign titled, One Million Love Letters.  We linked to it briefly on Monday’s post, but after looking at it more closely we wanted to highlight it more prominently today.

Here’s how it works you select the style of letter you want to send.  Then take time to follow the writing prompts to help you say what’s on your heart and mind.  Afterward it will give you the opportunity to add a photo or a quote.  Finally, choose to download it to print yourself, or to e-mail it.  The cost is $3.75 – about the price of a Hallmark greeting card.

So, why not join the campaign and send a love letter to the love of your life.  It may just be one of those moments they cherish forever!

Posted in Christian Marriage, communication, romancing your husband, romancing your spouse, romancing your wife, Romantic Ideas | Tagged , | 2 Comments

How Would You Answer?

Posted on February 8, 2011 by Debi Walter

I am away for a few days this week on a writer’s retreat, so I can work on editing my book which has been in process for way too long.  Being the week leading up to Valentines Day, it seemed the perfect opportunity to link to some other great sites offering a wealth of romantic ideas.  Certainly there will be something in the following list for you!

Barbara Rainey recently asked the question of their readers – “What’s the most romantic thing your husband has ever done for you?”  Eighty-four women answered – let the husbands read to glean ideas, and let the wives read to contemplate how they would answer this question.

Once you have thought about it – share with us the most romantic thing your husband has ever done for you.  It will do two things – bless your husband by honoring him publicly, and rekindle the love generated in that moment in time.    Not to mention giving all us more ideas to consider for ourselves!

 

 

 

Posted in Date Night Ideas, Romance in Marriage, romancing your husband, romancing your spouse, romancing your wife, Romantic Ideas | 3 Comments

Mark Your Calendar

Posted on February 7, 2011 by Debi Walter

 

Photo: Justin Lowery

It’s interesting how at Christmas and Easter churches are often full of people who normally don’t give much thought about Jesus and what His life, death and resurrection have meant to us.  But for Christians, we know Christmas and Easter are celebrated all year long.  Christ coming has changed us forever – not just one or two days a week, and we love to take part in church life!

How much the same is Valentines Day for us.  Love is in the air most noticeably in the month of February, but romance is something we celebrate all year long!  It is one of the best gifts God has given to husbands and wives, so we couldn’t be more excited to have this month to share with you many opportunities and great ideas.  You won’t want to skip over this post! It is as full to the brim as a good cappuccino and just as sure to please!

First of all, this week is National Marriage Week.  It is one week designated annually to help marriages grow both collectively and personally.  The website offers lots of great ideas like a Couples Check Up to have the current state of your marriage assessed.  The normal cost is $29, but this week you can take it for only $19.  There is a Valentine Great Date idea sure to help you make the most of a romantic dinner together, whether at home or at your favorite restaurant.  There is even a free kit to help you write your very own love letter as part of the One Million Love Letter challenge.  Along with other resources worth checking out.

This is also Artsfest week in Central Florida. Below is a video which explains it better than we could.  Most importantly all the Artsfest events are FREE.

For a complete list of these events click this link.

Now for our regular weekly features.  We pray you have an amazing week with the love of your life, as you breathe life into your love!

Fun Dates To Celebrate:  Most of these are self-explanatory and could make any day worth celebrating!  Our “Here’s To Us” Challenge is THIS Saturday.  If you haven’t celebrated an everyday moment yet this month – plan to this week!

7 – National Fettuccine Alfredo Day

8 – National Kite Flying Day

9 – National Bagels and Lox Day

9 – National Read in the Bathtub Day

10 – National Cream Cheese Brownie Day

10 – National Umbrella Day

11 – National Peppermint Patty day

12 – National Lost Penny Day – hide a penny and have your spouse find it by saying your getting warmer, warmer and hot!  Hide it in a place they would enjoy finding it!  🙂

13 – National Tortellini Day

CENTRAL

  • Winter Park – Popcorn Flicks In The Park will be Thursday, February 10th starting at 7p.  The featured film is Love Story and as always the movie and popcorn are FREE.
  • Winter Park – Morse Museum of Art presents Free Fridays on February 11th from 4p – 8p.  Live music is also provided for your romantic enjoyment.
  • Winter Park – Music at the Casa is Sunday, February 13th from 12p – 3p.  Open house and live music is provided.  Admission is FREE.

NORTH

  • Sanford – Alive After 5 presents Party Gras on Thursday, February 10th from 5p – 8p.  Cost is $7.
  • Deland – Craft and Beer Festival on Saturday, February 12th from 1p – 5p.  Cost is $20 in advance and $25 at the door.

EAST

  • Titusville – Romance Is In The Air event on Friday and Saturday, February 11th and 12th,   Costs vary for different packages that include horse-drawn carriage rides, flowers, photos.  Enjoy live music, wine and dessert with package purchase.
  • Casselberry – Artsfest comes to Lake Concord Park with a FREE concert by the Orlando Concert Band.  Concert begins at 7p and goes until 9p.   A great way to celebrate Valentines Day a bit early!

SOUTH

  • St. Cloud – Movie at the Lakefront on Friday, February 11th and begins at 7p.  This month’s featured film is Despicable Me.

WEST

Posted in Date Night Ideas, Dating Your Spouse, Free Dates, Mark Your Calendars (time sensitive), Orlando Date Ideas, Romantic Ideas | Comments Off on Mark Your Calendar

Bonus: For The Wives…

Posted on February 5, 2011 by Debi Walter

…Who are also called “Mommy!”

Today I offer you an excellent article by Barbara Rainey to consider as you romance your husband.  She shares a point which has always been strong on my heart as I purpose to love my husband.  Actually, it was Tom who guarded our relationship while our children were growing up.  I would have easily shifted my heart completely had he not purposed to keep our marriage first!  May you be encouraged and challenged!

Need Machines

BY BARBARA RAINEY

Over our doors are all choice fruits, both new and old, which I have saved up for you, my beloved. SONG OF SOLOMON 7:13

Without question, the biggest deterrent to romance for moms is children. These sweet, precious, innocent little ones given to us by God are also self-centered, untrained, unending “need machines” who can suck the life out of our marriage. They often leave us feeling like the mother who said, “It’s ironic. Romance gave us our children, and children ended our romance.” But motherhood can simply be a tempting excuse for giving up sex. Caught up in her day-in-day-out responsibilities, a mother can experience a slow shift in loyalty from husband to children. She thinks the needs of her children, since they are so helpless and formative, are more important than the needs of
her husband. After all, he’s an adult.

True. And yet one reason why this reasoning is faulty—one reason why it’s easy for us to have little sympathy for our husband’s sexual needs—is that we as women are able to experience our femaleness simply by nurturing our children. We feel fully alive as women when we’re caring for them (that is, when we’re not totally exhausted!). We feel a deep, innate sense of well-being and fulfillment; it is an indescribable privilege that brings us profound satisfaction. It’s what we were made to do.

But it’s only part of being a woman. God didn’t create you with the capacity and compulsion to nurture just for the sake of your children. He also meant for you to nurture life in your husband. Maintaining this balance is one of the biggest challenges of the parenting years; your children need to see Dad and Mom in love. Nurturing life in your husband may not be as automatic as it is with your children, but it is no less important. God will help you balance the needs of both husband and children when you depend upon Him.

DISCUSS
What are some practical, creative ways you both could keep romance alive, even when living in a house full of children?

PRAY
Pray for God’s wisdom in balancing life’s demands.

 

Posted in Christian Marriage, Growing Strong Marriages, Hindrances to Romance, Wives | Tagged | Comments Off on Bonus: For The Wives…

Fragrant Aroma – NOT

Posted on February 4, 2011 by Debi Walter

There is absolutely nothing fragrant about a garage sale.  Well…there is, but certainly not good.  🙂

As you are reading today’s post, I am having a garage sale with my two daughters – complete with a lemonade stand operated by my 3 year-old granddaughter.  None of us are in the mood to have a garage sale.  In fact, we didn’t price a thing!  If you live in the area, come by and make an offer – we’re VERY motivated!

What does this have to do with romance?  To my husband – everything.  He loves a neat garage.  He loves order, but our garage has been filled with piles of garage sale bags for months.  I am finally making it happen, so I can bless my husband with the garage he’s been longing for.  I believe it will help him relax when he comes home in the evenings.

This has been my word for the year – declutter!  As a result, I joined The Clutter Diet, and I am proud to say I’ve lost 200 clutter pounds since the beginning of the year.  It has been very motivating, as Lorie gives bite-size assignments which are quite do-able, no matter how busy your schedule.

My goal is to have the garage completely restored in time for Valentine’s Day.  Who knows maybe it will be clean enough to eat out there….okay, that’s a stretch!  But one thing’s for sure – I am going to lose some serious clutter pounds this weekend!

What project have you been putting off that would bless your spouse if you were to finish it?

Posted in A Fragrant Aroma, romancing your husband | Tagged , | 5 Comments

10 Hindrances to Cultivating A Romantic Vineyard

Posted on February 3, 2011 by Tom and Debi

#3 – Sickness

Romance is hardly on the heart and mind of one experiencing the various effects of the flu.  And as you can see – our area has been hard hit this year!

People react differently when facing sickness;  Some are overly dramatic requiring constant attention.  Some simply want to be left alone to suffer in a quiet room away from everyone.  Some are apologetic seeing how their sickness is upsetting the normal routines of the family.  But all are in need of one thing – healing!

A vineyard takes constant care and attention to produce a crop worth harvesting.  But even the finest vines can face mildew, blight or bugs.  When this happens the vine grower tends to the pestilence with utmost care.  This is necessary to help the struggling vines survive.

Photo: University of California

It is the same with marriage.  When one is sick, the spouse who is well is needed to pay full attention in helping them recover.  It becomes the priority in an already full schedule.  But it isn’t always easy to do.  Our selfishness gets in the way.  We grumble; we complain;  we’re tired, or at the very least, we wish it weren’t this way.  We recently read a blog post from the wife of a chronically sick husband.  It was at the very least, insightful.  She had this to share about observations she made of two other marriages who had inspired her:

Last year, a dear friend told me what her marriage was like in living with her chronically ill husband. He was sick for most of their 30 year plus marriage, but they remained deeply in love and the best of friends. Another friend is married to a really nice guy who has been ill for many years. He was recently hospitalized, but has since been released. She is now dealing with his uber-expensive medication, live-in help, and the machines he needs to make it through the day. You might think that they’d be stressed out or depressed, but they aren’t in the least. In fact, the last time I visited, he lovingly referred to his wife as his “life-saver.” They looked into each others eyes and shared a wonderfully romantic secret smile.

We have two friends who are facing prolonged health issues.  One would think romance would be lacking, but it isn’t.  In fact, they would both say they are more in love with each other now than ever.  Why?  Why is it that in the midst of trying health set backs, their love has grown stronger?

We believe there are two reasons:

  1. Gratefulness breeds affection. When confronted with the brevity of life, we realize what matters most is the love we have been given – both from the Lord and from our spouse.  It is a gift, and gratefulness springs from a heart that realizes this truth.
  2. Both couples love God. They see their relationship in light of His love for them.  He was willing to lay down His life for us, so is it really so difficult to lay down our schedules to help our spouse recover?

God is the only One who enables us to love and serve a sick spouse.  He provides the strength and compassion needed, but there is a catch – we must ASK for it.  The Bible says, “You do not have because you do not ask.” So often we enter our day without thought for our weaknesses.  We need to realize this is greater than our ability to do on our own.

Caring for a sick loved one can be tiring, worrisome and fearful.  Take all of these and give them to the Lord.  He is mighty to save you from your fears.  He will lift you up and help you serve with the strength He provides.  And as you do, love for Him and your spouse will be kindled.  Your spouse will appreciate the sincerity and the cycle of romance is nourished and replenished.

When the sickness relents, there is a renewed gratefulness for health.  All the mundane routines are suddenly fresh and appreciated greatly.  Romance is easy and date nights aren’t taken for granted.  Both are fully engaged and committed to loving each other in sickness and in health!

Posted in Growing Strong Marriages, Hindrances to Romance | Tagged | 6 Comments

Romantic Orlando – Alfresco Dining

Posted on February 2, 2011 by Tom and Debi

Date Night!

It was wonderful to have a spontaneous date night together tonight!  Sickness produces a gratefulness for health in a way that nothing else can.

Tonight we visited one our favorite outdoor eating establishments – Brio Tuscan Grille located in The Winter Park Village.

If you haven’t been recently, it is certainly worth a visit.  Their outdoor patio is simply beautiful – from the cozy seating for appetizers, to the floor to ceiling canvas curtains to the candlelit tables, you can easily find yourself wrapped in romance from start to finish!  On cooler evenings they even provide patio heaters for your dining comfort.

We shared a meal, which was quite good but mostly enjoyed the company.  What is your favorite Orlando restaurant offering alfresco dining?  Won’t you share it with us, so those planning to visit Orlando can see the best romantic places we have to offer – faraway from the Mouse?

This is the best time of year to enjoy outdoor dining.  If you can’t budget a meal at a restaurant, pack a picnic and enjoy dining in a local park after dark!

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A Happy Hum

Posted on February 1, 2011 by Debi Walter

As I am writing this post, my dishwasher is hard at work in the kitchen cleaning my grandmother’s dirty dishes.  I borrowed them today from my Mom for tonight’s dinner with some dear friends. How many times these dishes have been used for family gatherings and special meals.  How many times these dishes have been washed over and over only to get them dirty again.

In the next room Tom is  enjoying the Orlando Magic game with our daughter.  Both are slowly recovering from a month of sickness.  All of us agree, it is good to be on this side of it all.

There is a peaceful calm settled around us, which is much more noticeable after such a season.  Gone are the nights where sleep is disturbed to care for a fever or an unrelenting cough.  Gone are the questions, doubts and fears.  Once we discover what it is that ails us, we take the proper medications, get plenty of rest and hope (and pray) for healthier tomorrows.

How grateful we are to have a place where we can clean up messes and recover slowly from illness.  A place where we know we belong.  Even on our worst days, home is our place to be our messy selves.  The place where we know we’ll receive the washing of our souls from all that troubles us.  Whether it’s sickness we’re facing or the worst of circumstances.

Just like the dishwasher which cleans the dishes until a reflection can be seen, we pour out love and compassion on our loved ones until they smile back at us through the sickness and trouble.

Tonight I am grateful to God for this happy hum.  There is a cleansing taking place, and soon – very soon – we’ll be ready to welcome more guests into our home to share the place God has given us for life and health and happiness.

Can you hear the hum in your home?

Posted in Christian Marriage, Difficulty, Growing Strong Marriages | Tagged | 7 Comments

Mark Your Calendar

Posted on January 31, 2011 by Debi Walter

We hope you enjoyed the fun dates to celebrate last week.  We especially enjoyed the National Puzzle Day.  I had purchased a heart shaped, 3D puzzle a few weeks ago, and pulled it out to assemble spontaneously on Saturday.  We each took one half of the puzzle and raced to see who could finish their half first.

Tom says he won, but he used the picture! I was only two pieces behind without using the picture – who do YOU say won? We’ll let you be the judge, since both of us are biased.  Vote by sending it to theromanticvineyard@gmail.com – We’ll let you know tomorrow who won!

Voila! Our finished heart!

Fun Dates To Celebrate:

The month of February is…National Hot Breakfast Month – Why not plan to bless your spouse with a hot breakfast every morning in February.  Not sure you can commit to this?  Then try going out for a hot breakfast one morning to celebrate!

Following are the individual dates this week that have special meanings:

31 Backward Day – send you spouse an e-mail typed completely backwards.  Or try your hand at writing in cursive backwards – my sister and I learned how to do this during church services when we were little.  It was our way of passing notes we didn’t want anyone else to read!  I think this little secret would work great between husband and wife too!

31 Inspire Your Heart with Art Day – Some guys may go for a visit to the local ceramic studio to make a special piece together to remember this day!

1 National Freedom Day – watch your favorite war movie and thank God for those who have been willing to sacrifice for our freedoms.

2 Ground Hog Day – Punxsutawny Phil’s website has some fun e-cards you could send your spouse to celebrate this tradition.

Punxsutawney Phil

2 Heavenly Hash Day – Plan to bake something special like brownies or fudge.  Or go out to your favorite ice cream parlor!

5 National Weatherman’s Day – Make plans to do something outside and enjoy the weather together.  Or you could watch your favorite weather movie like Twister!

6 Lame Duck Day – An excuse to make no plans for this day.  Let your spouse do whatever they want to do with no strings attached.  Although there will obviously be no successor, let them enjoy the day with your full blessing!

Now for what’s happening around Orlando:

CENTRAL

  • Winter Park – Enzian Theatre presents “Westside Story,” on Saturday, February 5th at 11a.  The cost is FREE.  A great date to go out for a Hot Breakfast (see above), and enjoy an old classic!
  • Ivanhoe Village – First Friday Art Stroll on February 4th from 6p to 9p.  FREE.

NORTH

EAST

  • Harry P. Leu Gardens – is celebrating their 50th anniversary this year!  They’re passing on the savings to you, by offer FREE admission on your birthday during 2011.
  • Avalon Park – Orlando Concert Band will perform live on Friday, February 4th from 7p. – 9p.  FREE.
  • Deland – Buckler’s Craft Fair at the Volusia County Fairgrounds on Saturday and Sunday, February 5th and 6th.  Admission $6 per person.

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Fragrant Aroma: Marry Me

Posted on January 28, 2011 by Debi Walter

Photo from White Lace Wedding

This week I had the privilege of sitting with a newly engaged young woman who will be married in less than 5 months.  She asked me to be her wedding coordinator, something I enjoy doing for close friends and their grown daughters.  It was another one of those moments providing me a window where I  can look out and enjoy the present view, but also with a view looking back 32 years to when I was sitting in her place.

Planning a wedding is what every girl dreams of.  It is the time when one man has captured your heart, and as a result, you know your life will never be the same.  The anticipation is constant and the joy is nearly tangible.

We have watched older singles wait for the right one to come along, and entered into their joy when it finally happened.  And we’ve watched young adults, barely old enough to vote, find their life’s mate, who marry young and succeed.  On the contrary we’ve watched many couples struggle seemingly non-stop for years in their marriage.  But one thing is sure – God is the author of all marriages, whether He is acknowledged or not.  Marriage was His idea!  He created it.  He is glorified by it.  And He alone can help those struggling to find their pace.  This is why we blog – to help marriages become all God intends for it to be.

As I sat in my hairstylists chair this week, with Tom sitting two chairs down, we heard a song on the radio by Train titled, Marry Me.  If I had it to do all over again – I would still say yes!  With all the ups and downs and hardships along the way, Tom knows me best and loves me still!  This amazing fact causes my heart to glorify God for all He has done!

Take some time to watch the video and reflect back on how your love began.  Then, share your story with us!  Something is rekindled in our hearts as we retell the story of how our love began, when we heard (or said) these two precious words, Marry Me!  I will never forget that day.  Enjoy…

Posted in A Fragrant Aroma, Growing Strong Marriages, Music, Romance in Marriage | Tagged , , | 2 Comments