The Romantic Vineyard

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Last week we were talking with a shoe salesman and the conversation came up about marriage. That happens often, probably because we’re looking for ways to draw people out regarding their own relationships. 

Here’s how our conversation went…

Tom: We’re about to celebrate 38 years of marriage.

Salesman: For real?

Me: Yeah, he’s had five wives, but only one marriage.

Salesman: (Does a double take) Huh? Oh, I get it! (Laughing, but not sure)

Tom: My wife isn’t the same woman she was when I married her. And I’m not the same either. We have to keep falling in love with the person he/she has become in order to keep our marriage strong and growing.

Salesman: Wow. That’s so good. Thanks for sharing that!

We found out our salesman wasn’t married, but hopefully we planted a seed for his future. 

Conversations like these happen frequently. Our prayer is that our words and our example will infuse hope that a life-long marriage is possible by and through the grace of God. 

Tom loved our Valentine’s weekend, and I’m sure whatever Tom has planned for us this weekend will be just as special. 

Our pastor says often, “Constant change is here to stay.” And marriage is no exception. Plan for the changes and they won’t take you by surprise.

I have concluded that I’m a better me because of the daily input of Tom’s love, care and wisdom. This is why I’ve changed and I pray it’s been for the better.

As Glenda sings in my favorite Broadway production, Wicked, “I have been changed for good!”

In what ways have you changed for good throughout your marriage?

We had dinner with friends last night and the conversation landed on what we hope to do in the remaining years of our lives. It seems we spend most of our time dreaming and working towards the last years of life and when they arrive you can feel lost, bewildered even, not sure if now is the time to actually do what we’ve dreamed about.

Our friend said he was looking forward to going back to school and learning more. He said he wanted to take that knowledge and teach young men what he learns on top of the experience he has gained over decades. 

Then came the clincher…

Tom asked what his first class would be, and he said to answer this question, “Why are you here?” Because when life gets hard and doesn’t go according to your plan, knowing the why will keep you going and not quitting.

Sage advice!

So this begs the question: Why are you here–in this marriage, on this blog, looking for answers to your current struggle?

I can’t answer this for you. But I can share our why with you and maybe, just maybe, it will help you discover yours.

When we first got married, our passion and hope was to help other marriages grow strong and last for a lifetime.  Passions are usually born through suffering, and this passion for Tom was a result of his parents divorcing when he was 18. He decided when he got married that he would do all he could to keep our marriage alive regardless of the difficulties we would face. And his passion led to our Why.

• We don’t do this for our own comfort, although a lasting marriage can become quite comfortable.
• We don’t do this for others, although others benefit from our faithfulness to our marriage.
• We don’t do this just to keep our vows, although our vows help us remember what we promised at the beginning.

We do this for God’s glory.

God created marriage. He made it a covenant where two become one flesh. He made it to be a reflection of His great and lasting love for His bride–the Church! This is our Why and it is so much bigger than the day to day struggles we face. It keeps us focused on a conviction when our emotions and circumstances may make our relationship feel numb and cold. 

So what is your WHY? Answer this and you may discover a secret to a marriage that not only survives, but thrives!

Click here to read: Choosejoy365

We are well into 2017, yet our Christmas tree still stands decorated in our living room. We just returned from GA where we’ve been helping our daughter since Christmas. 

Rather than write out the details of all that we’ve been through the last two weeks, we thought you’d like to hear it from her. Tracy started a blog this last year titled, ChooseJoy365, and we are thrilled to say the least. We love the way she writes, and we pray you will as well!

Part One: My Hysterectomy Story

A hysterectomy at 32. It is not something you really associate with women that age. But for me, it has been on my mind since I was 20. My doctor told me at the young age I would be “begging for a hysterectomy by 30″…I laughed at him. I thought to myself that a hysterectomy was only for people with cancer or wimps who cannot handle pain and I clearly was not one of them. I am a fighter, after all my name means: brave, warrior, fighter and courageous. Learning how to push through the pain was just a part of me I had learned how to accept. It was a challenge, but I thrive on challenge. At least I thought I was thriving…. (Continue reading)

I know we still have two days left before the day is here. But I wanted to plant this idea in your mind now, so maybe you’ll remember to come back to this post next week. Please?

What I’d like is for the comments on this post to be filled with fresh inspiration of what you did specifically to make this Christmas special. 

I have shared my romantic ideas with you for years, and now it’s time for you to do the same for the benefit and blessing of others. In fact, I got my idea for Tom’s gift this year from a friend on Instagram. Thank you @dailymaintained. 😊

Honestly I didn’t think his gift would be much this year (as far as special goes) because we have been needed extensively in caring for his mom following an emergency surgery. And that’s ok because we wouldn’t have it any other way. But because someone was willing to share their idea it helped me get over the hump of the large looming question, “what can I do?”

If your spouse doesn’t read our blog, feel free to comment now with what you are giving or doing for your spouse this year. If they do read it, then please come back next week and share with us. Your idea may be the needed inspiration for someone in need. 

Merry Christmas to you and yours. 

Remember “Every day is a gift that’s why it’s called the PRESENT!”

It’s that time of year again when everyone is talking about giving thanks to God for your lot in life. Well, what if you’re just not thankful?

I get it. 

Sometimes our life doesn’t look anything like we hoped it would. The Bible even reminds us that “hope deferred makes the heart sick.”

Is your heart sick this Thanksgiving? If so, do you feel sidelined by all the meaningful commercials showing how special we’re supposed to feel?

God knows and better than this, He understands! 

We recently heard an amazing message on the suffering of Job that has transformed how we view disappointment and heartache. God keeps count of every tossing and every tear. He is quite aware of what causes us pain. And He weeps with us like He did Mary when her brother, Lazarus had died. Even though Jesus knew He was about to fix it all–He paused to weep with her. He never makes light of our suffering–EVER!

Tell Him your struggles. Be honest about your disappointments. He can handle it. Lamentations is full of such prayers. Are you comfortable praying out of your heartbreak? God wants those prayers because they are honest. He never wants us to put on pretenses with Him.

This Thanksgiving don’t put on the Norman Rockwell face as if all is right in your world if it isn’t. Give God your heartfelt struggles–He’s God; He can handle it. Then watch how He comforts you in your time of need.

This may just be the year when your thanks is sincere because you’ve discovered how far reaching His sustaining grace is towards you. Just don’t pretend to be something you’re not. The only person you’re fooling is yourself. 

It’s better by far to choose honesty and let God receive the glory for the mercy and grace He extends in our time of need.

From our home to yours, Happy Thanksgiving!