Peggy and Billie D. Harris
Sometimes a story just needs to be told and retold. This story is one. I am struck by this widow’s commitment to her husband when she said, “He loved me his entire life, and I will love him for all of mine.” For 60 years she has stayed true even when she wasn’t sure what had happened to him.
It’s been a long time since we’ve had a Happy Hour feature, and today we have a great blog to share with you.
Bonny Logsdon Burns mainly focuses on encouraging wives who have low libido and helping their marriage become healthier and happier. But today she featured a post about planning special getaway time with your spouse/family. She does an excellent job offering great ideas you may have never considered before.
Travel may conjure up ideas of passports, airplanes and cruise ships. But, it need not be so expensive or elaborate.Travel can be a four day cruise to the Bahamas or a four hour journey to a location near to you. Take advantage of your region’s personality.In all the world, venus flytraps are only native to the 60 square miles that encircle Wilmington, NC. We just discovered last month a tiny, lovely, free public ‘botanical garden’ featuring carnivorous plants only 2 miles from our house! Mr. Muscle and I had an interesting hour making a new fun memory together. Did I mention it was free and close?I bet there is something similar to discover near your house! Talk with your friends for ideas or google.We enjoy coastal things now, but when we lived in the Midwest there were all sorts of festivals (corn, strawberries, corn, blueberries, and corn) and historical places. If you’re ever on the backroads of TN and see a marker for ‘Ozone Springs’, take a few moments to investigate. It is a 100 yard walk to an 1100 foot overhang where you can watch the creekwater fall into a ravine. Very simple, free and fun.Travel means you tap into your adventurous spirit and are curious. (continue reading)
What are your travel plans this summer? Have you ever played the tourist in your own backyard? What are some great places where you live that you think we’d like to know about? Please share them with us in the comment section. You never know when someone is going to be visiting your area. Your comment may help them make a lasting memory!
Photo Credit: http://www.tert.am
We have good friends who are busy planning a huge celebration for their parent’s 65th wedding anniversary. Can you imagine? 65 years together, walking through all kinds of changes.
They were married in 1948. Most likely before any of us were born. They are still just as in love as they were on the day they said, I Do. But they aren’t the same. Everyone changes, and the marriages that last are ones who learn how to make those changes together.
I recently drove on a highway that a few years ago didn’t exist. It was only in the heart and mind of some civil engineers. But once the funding was secured, the plans were drawn up and eventually built. It blows my mind to comprehend how someone can develop such large highways that are not only secure, but actually get you to where you want to go.
Do we give this much thought to our future? What if we were to sit down together and plan where we want to be on our 65th wedding anniversary? What if we realized the choices we make today are either helping or hindering where we’ll be then?
I believe we do well to consider the long tomorrow, as one of my favorite author’s penned. And I believe this applies not only to heaven, but to our future as couples.
Take some time this weekend to think about where you want to be when your children are grown? What if life doesn’t look like you expect it to then? Will your hope lie in what you hoped for or in the One in whom you hope?
These are good questions to ask before the choices are required. Don’t get so caught up in the here and now that you neglect considering the long tomorrow! It’s closer than you think!
Image Credit: NY Personal Injury Attorney blog
We’ve been collecting the anniversary dates of our FB fans the past couple of days, and last count we were at 156. We have nearly 3k fans, so we’re hoping to get a lot more of our readers to respond. If you haven’t added your anniversary yet follow this link to our FB page and do so. We’d appreciate it very much.
All this talk of anniversaries got me thinking about the many things I’ve done for Tom over the years. I love to look at the number we’re celebrating and use it in some way to inspire what I plan. I realize not everyone thinks the way I do, so I thought it might be helpful to make a list of several different numbers and add some creative things you might plan when celebrating that year.
Of course, you can always go with the traditional or modern anniversary gift lists to get ideas, but I like to think more “out of the box.” I can hear Tom adding his hearty AMEN, to that one! 😉
First – celebrate all your firsts: date, kiss, movie, memory, etc.
Fifth – five senses, five vowels, 5K run/walk
Tenth -Make a Top Ten List, Go bowling (10 pins) or play pool
Twelve – Buy a dozen of anything your spouse loves
Thirteen – Make this a lucky celebration–go horseback riding, go to a horse race, eat Irish food, Visit a nice fountain and throw a coin in while making a wish
Fourteen – 14K gold jewelry is a great place to start.
Eighteen – play a round of golf or play miniature golf.
Twenty-One – Your marriage has come of age. Go out together for a night on the town. Plan to meet at a local hotel’s restaurant at a certain time. Act like you don’t know each other and this is your first date. Wear something they haven’t seen before to make it even more special. You could even surprise your date by getting a room. 😉
Twenty-Five – Traditionally called your silver wedding anniversary, make a list of your favorite twenty-five romantic memories you have made together.
Thirty – Often called the big 3 – 0, give your spouse 3 0’s they’ll never forget. Choose from this list: Olive Garden, Outback Steakhouse, Oysters on the half shell, Orgasm, Othello (game or play), Oklahoma (the musical), Orchestra, Opera, Opal jewelry, Opus One (wine), etc. This one works for any year ending in a zero.
Thirty-One – Baskin and Robbins boasts 31 flavors. Enjoy a night out for ice cream together.
What ideas would you add to this list? Share them in the comment section!
I know this sounds impossible. How can we be satisfied in something that makes us the opposite? Left to ourselves it would be impossible. But God uses the very things that dissatisfy us to bring us to a place where we realize our need for Him.
God has given us many good gifts in marriage:
When we begin to pull from our spouse the things we should be drawing from Christ, we will most likely be dissatisfied. God is a jealous God, and He is intent on helping us realize that His glory and our relationship together with Him are of most importance in our marriage–not the satisfaction we receive from one another.
Now I’m not saying in any way that God doesn’t want us to enjoy our spouse or our marriage. He is all about helping us grow closer together. The marriage relationship is His idea. But the goal we seek can’t be our ultimate satisfaction in a great marriage. Our goal must be satisfaction in who He is and what He has done.
Photo by Sean McGrath
Romance. It means so many different things to different people. Some love to give and receive gifts. Some love to hear little words of affirmation. Still others enjoy surprising acts of kindness. Whatever your love language or your spouse’s–you should communicate regularly what they mean to you.
We are the only ones who can talk and communicate with one another in a variety of ways. There are some who, because they’ve identified their love language, never express their love in other ways. I believe this can be a detriment. We must be willing to try new things, to say the same thing in different way, to be willing to step out of our comfort zone and stretch our communication muscles–so to speak. We’ll never know what we’re missing unless we try.
Imagine if for dinner all you ever prepared were the same things over and over because you know you like those recipes. Yet there is a plethora of great recipes you might never enjoy because it’s outside of your recipe box.
Wives, there are times when our husband is telling us how they feel about us or how they see us, and instead of receiving their kind words, we roll our eyes and tell them all the things we don’t like about ourself. Can I encourage you the next time he does this to resist this temptation? A simple “thank you,” will go a long way in helping you believe he means what he says.
Husbands, there are times when your wife goes out of her way to do something special for you too, but you hardly notice. Can I encourage you to not be so pre-occupied the next time she bakes your favorite cookie or takes the time to do something just for you?
The longer you’ve been married the easier it is to take for granted all these little things.
We found this video Andrew Allen did of a song by One Direction titled, Little Things. We absolutely love his voice, but even more the message this husband is sending his wife. Enjoy…
Created using Cooltext
NOTE: Don’t miss the form at the end of this post. We’re gathering some info that will help us plan for the future. Thanks!
Friday was officially the first day of summer, and it’s a great time to add a little sizzle to your marriage. We’ve decided to offer you a different summer date for every letter of the alphabet. That’s 26 dates in all. If you’re adventurous and have lots of time, go for all 26 before Labor Day weekend. But for those who have to pick and choose due to time or financial restraints we have a better idea. We’re calling it the
Below are the 26 date ideas we came up with, but feel free to make up your own. These are simply suggestions to get you started. Happy Dating!
A = Apple pie
B = Bicycle ride (tandem is best!)
C = Camping
D = Dancing
E = Entertain in your home (plan a party!)
F = Frisbee
G = Golf, regular or miniature
H = Hiking
I = Ice Cream Sundaes
J = Jazz Concert
K = Kayaking
L = Latin Dinner
M = Movie in the Park
N = visit a National Park, Museum or Forest
O = Overlook picnic
P = Parking under the stars
Q = Quiet Walk
R = Roller-blading
S = Skiing, Surfing or observe those who do
T = Theme park
U = take a walk Under an Umbrella in the rain
V = play your favorite Video game
W = Wine tasting
X = order an XL pizza and watch an Xtreme sports video
Y = go to Yard sales
Z = Zipline or visit local Zoo
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Won’t you take a moment to fill out the following form? We’re wanting to gather a database of our reader’s wedding anniversaries. ❤ And we’d love to hear your thoughts about how The Romantic Vineyard is helping your marriage grow. What would you like to see us do differently? What do we do that you love? Your feedback will help us plan for the future. Thanks so much!
Barefoot Cabin is set on one acre of easily accessible land at an elevation of 4200′. We are located conveniently between Sugar Mountain Ski Resort and Beech Mountain Ski Resort.
Offering 5 bedrooms and 3.5 baths, it’s perfect for family reunions, retreats, romantic getaways, or family fun. Amenities include a pool table, hot tub and fire pit for roasting marshmallows on our cool summer nights.
Nearby is Banner Elk Vineyard and Grandfather Vineyard. We are also within 30 minutes of Grandfather Mountain. We hope you’ll consider reserving some time to see it for yourself.
For rental information visit our rental agent: High Mountain Cabin Rentals.
The night before we came home from our mountain cabin makeover marathon, we found out a dear friend of ours passed away. He had battled cancer for a long time, and Monday the Lord decided it was time for his suffering in this life to end. He leaves behind a beautiful wife and 5 adult boys. But what most will remember about him was his infectious passion for the Lord. He mirrored God’s glory in a way none of us will ever forget.
Then, on our way home, we found out another long-time friend passed away as well. We all called her “Precious Ruby,” and that she was. She had just turned 92, but always joked saying, “I’m too young for medicare and too old for men to care!” Although she never married, she knew how to love, laugh and have fun. Tom and I are busy helping to plan the reception and dinner for the family. We will miss Precious Ruby as will all who knew her. But to think of her rejoicing and finally dancing with her bridegroom in Heaven…now that’s a picture I want to keep forever.
And on a happier note, our niece’s baby shower for her third child/first son is Saturday. That’s right…two funerals and a baby shower. It’s a reminder of the life we’re all called to. God is in the details of cabin restoration, funeral and baby preparations. Whatever it is we’re facing, whether rejoicing, recovering, relaxing or remembering with respect; He longs to walk with us through the joy and the pain. He wants to teach us things in the moment we might otherwise miss.
It helps to have another who shares the same road with us. As married couples we have one another to lean on when we grow weary. It is a gift!
And today we want to finally share with you the gift we’ve been given by God. It’s Barefoot Cabin. It’s a beautiful place where we can invite others to come, kick off their shoes and relax. It’s a place where we can host retreats for couples, ladies, and for whomever else God leads.
Following is a video for you to see and enjoy. To those of you who have prayed for us during this time, we thank you! We can’t wait to see what God has in store for this place we have prepared. If you are interested in rental information–click here!
Photo Credit: whatwillmatter.com
We have worked hard the past 3 weeks doing more home renovations at Barefoot Cabin than we have ever done before. It has been a dream come true for us, but it has also been a
in every sense of the word!
From the outside it can look like this project has been a breeze. It hasn’t been. We have struggled with uncertainty, wondering if what we’re doing and if how we’re going about it is the right way. We’ve prayed and asked God to lead us through the unknowns.
He has.
Today we’re heading home. Although we are leaving a part of our story behind in Banner Elk, North Carolina, it’s not the place where God has called us to live life. Orlando is home. Metro Life Church is our family. While we’ve been gone, two of our dear friends have left this world. Another is soon to follow–we may not make it home in time to say our good-bye to her. My childhood church (Powers Drive Baptist) celebrated its 50th homecoming anniversary. I wish I could have gone, but I know I would have missed my Mom and Dad terribly at the gathering.
Life and death are certain, and with each death there is a sadness of what we will no longer share together in this life. This makes me appreciate all the more the NOW we’ve been given.
In only 3 weeks so much has changed. But I’ve realized it’s all good.
Even the disagreements have proven to draw us closer to each other and to God. What a blessing it is to make it to the other side of trouble. Many jump ship in the middle of the turbulent waters only to be stuck in the tempest forever. It’s better by far to deal with the high seas and wait for the calm that is sure to follow. And you know what? The calm that follows is better than the calm you had before the storm hit!
What changes is your marriage going through right now? Can you look back these past 3 weeks and see positive changes? What choices could you make today to effect your answer to this questions 3 weeks from today?
Photo Credit: Stepbystep.com
You may have never put these two words together, but most likely you pack them both when heading out the door for your family get-away: Expectations and vacations. They seem to go hand in hand. But is this a good thing or a bad thing?
We all have expectations of any, and everything we plan. We hope for the best, we expect everything to go our way when we’ve done all we can do to prepare. Why should our vacation be exempt? Sadly, it isn’t, yet many of us give no thought for what we expect because we expect it to go as we’ve planned in our mind.
The only way to counter it is to examine our expectations more closely BEFORE leaving for our annual vacation.
The best way to prevent expectations from leading to disappointment is to check who it is that we’re hoping to please while we’re away. If you’re expectation is to please self, you will most likely be disappointed. If you’re expectation is to focus on pleasing others, then not only will you be pleased, but the others on whom you’re focusing will most likely be pleased as well.
Why? Because for those of us who belong to Christ, we are called to a selfless life. I’ll admit this is easier said than done. When self gets in the way of serving others, the Holy Spirit promises to help us deny ourselves by following His lead. If we resist Him, we’ll be discontent.
Take for instance this scenario: You’ve just arrived at your vacation destination. You’re hoping to spend time reading and relaxing, but the baby’s diaper needs changing, your spouse has a headache, and the other children are hungry. You could insist your spouse take care of the present needs going off and doing what you want to do, OR you could defer to their needs above your own by serving them first. This is not usually our first choice. We have to purpose to die to our own agenda and focus intently on pleasing our spouse. It is a choice!
When was the last time you willingly laid down your desires for the good of your spouse/your family? If you can’t remember, it’s either been too long, or you’ve been doing this the right way for so long that you don’t even notice. We pray it’s the latter.
What are your plans for vacation this summer? Better yet, what are your expect-cations? How can you prepare now to help this vacation go better than planned?
When we bought Barefoot Cabin we knew upfront there were several things that needed to be done to make the property safer–like cutting down the 9 dead trees surrounding the cabin. It was sad to see these sentinels that used to be alive and well, standing before us bare, dead and dry. But they were, and they needed to go. The same needs to happen from time to time in our marriage.
Most marriages have one who tends to be more sentimental and subjective while the other spouse tends to be more logical and objective. Both provide a necessary balance in the relationship, especially when there are changes that need to take place.
I’m the sentimental one. I can become strongly attached to people, places and things. Take our first home…we lived there for 12 years. We had our three children in that home. Many memories were made there as well as great neighbors we hated to leave. But it was time. God had spoken to us that there was another neighborhood where He wanted us to put down roots. We put our home on the market, and it sold quickly. So quickly, in fact, that we weren’t sure if we would be able to buy a home in the neighborhood we had hoped, because there weren’t any homes on the market at the time.
Long story short, a home in this new neighborhood went on the market two weeks before we were closing on our first home. I was away on a ladies retreat in NC, so Tom went to see the house without me. He took a good friend of mine to get the female perspective. Without me seeing it, Tom put an offer on it, it was accepted, and we closed two weeks later. That was in 1992, and we’re still there.
As happy and excited I was to have a new home, I was heart-broken at having to say good-bye to our old home. I knew the memories I was leaving behind, but I had no idea of the new memories to come. I had to let go (or cut this old tree down) before a new one could be planted. I realized how weak my faith was. It was easier to trust God when I could see the tree standing. Not knowing what the new tree would look like left me with lots of questions: Will I like the new neighborhood? Will the children that live there be a good influence on my children? Will we be able to afford the unknown expenses? Etc.
If nothing ever changes, then we won’t grow. This is why God allows us to go through changes, why He allows trees to die. Once the dead is removed our view changes as well. What was once hidden by the tall trees is now clearly seen.
What dead trees have been removed from your relationship? How have you handled the changes. Are you the subjective one or the more objective one? How has this difference brought conflict or balance to your marriage?
Photo Credit: http://cheekychicago.com
When most couples get married they are filled with hope of building a family together. Some choose to wait a few years to begin, some decide they don’t want to wait at all and end up getting pregnant on their honeymoon, still others get pregnant without giving it any thought. But what about those who desperately want a family of their own, yet for various reasons haven’t been able to get pregnant?
Every Mother’s Day and Father’s Day that passes is another reminder of their emptiness.
After Tom and I were married two years we decided it was time to start a family. I was so excited. When we discovered I was expecting we didn’t hesitate to call everyone with the good news! Yet at only 6 weeks I ended up miscarrying our baby. We were heartbroken and afraid. Would we ever be able to get pregnant again? If so, would it end in miscarriage? What if we’re going to be one of those couples who can’t have children? These thoughts came constantly and got louder over time. I was a mess! I was young and had no idea how to battle these thoughts, but I had a husband who loved me, prayed with me, and assured me that we were in this together no matter what.
We realize that what we’ve experienced pales in comparison to those who are unable to conceive. But at the time we didn’t know if this was going to be something we would have to battle for years or not. It felt as if it could be a lifelong trial.
We have some friends who have been married for over 10 years. They haven’t had children, though they have tried. The doctors confirmed there was no medical reason why they hadn’t conceived, yet year after year they went without a little one to love and hold. It was sad to watch, yet what struck me about them is the love they share. This issue hadn’t become so large in their eyes that they lost sight of their love for each other. To see them interact you would think they were still on their honeymoon. They hug and love on each other all the time. Their infertility has only strengthened their love for one another.
Another couple we know experienced the opposite. Their longing for a baby caused such tension and anxiety in the home that it became a place where neither enjoyed living. Sadly, their marriage ended in divorce, all because they were unable to produce a baby together.
But how do you go from being so consumed with the desire for children to the place of peace and acceptance? How can you live a happy life when something you want so badly isn’t given?
I believe we can find the answer in the 1 Samuel. Consider Hannah and her troubled heart. She desperately wanted to have children with her husband, Elkanah. But the Lord had closed her womb. Yet Elkanah’s other wife, Penninah had lots of sons and daughters. She used to flaunt this fact to Hannah day after day. Yet Hannah had the heart of her husband. He loved her deeply even though they had not had children together.
One day when Elkanah had taken his family to make sacrifices, Hannah went into the temple to pray. She poured out her heart to God asking Him to give her a son. She even promised if He did she would give him to God to serve Him his entire life. When Eli saw Hannah praying he thought she was drunk. When she assured him she wasn’t, she was only crying out with desperate prayers to God, he said “Go in peace, and the God of Israel grant your petition that you have made to him.”
When Hannah arrived home, she was no longer sad, but full of joy. Her eyes had been lifted from what she wanted to the One she needed. He alone was her joy, and knowing that He heard her petition gave her peace. It wasn’t long until she conceived a son, and she named him Samuel. You can read the entire story in 1 Samuel for it’s a fascinating story. But the point I want to make is that the answer to finding peace in your infertility is to look to God. He is the author of life, including yours and any He chooses to bring from your marriage union. Take your desire to Him and leave it with Him. In the meantime, enjoy the one with whom God has given you to share life and love with in this life. Don’t allow a lack in one area to rob the riches you’ve already been given.
If you are struggling with infertility, we want to pray for you that God will hear your petitions to Him and open your womb. But if He doesn’t grant your request, our desire is to see your marriage grow stronger through the trial, not allowing a wedge to come between you and your spouse.
Photo Credit: Walmart.com
Our next Barefoot Cabin analogy came when Tom and I were told by our rental agency that we should provide an alarm clock in every bedroom. I can’t remember the last time we actually bought one, so we headed to Walmart hoping not to spend too much of our dwindling budget on these time machines. We figured most people use their cell phones as an alarm anyway, right?
We were thrilled when we found some for under $10. One thing we knew we wanted was to be sure they had batteries in case the power went out. What we didn’t think of was to check and see if they had electrical cords as well–our first mistake. <sigh>
What does this have to do with marriage? The answer hit me first thing this morning! We can treat our marriage like we did these alarm clocks. We knew we needed them, but we weren’t willing to invest the money for a good one.
Today we’ll be taking these cheap alarm clocks back to Walmart and hope to find ones that are gentler and kinder with a built-in electrical cord. Next time your alarm clock goes off telling you it’s time to wake-up, let it also remind you to check your marriage. The best way to know how well it’s going is to ask your spouse.
It’s not about the money, it’s about taking your most valuable asset–time, and using it for the good of your marriage. Your spouse may just say, “It’s about time!”
Photo Credit: Home Guides
I’m used to it after 34 years together. We’ve painted countless numbers of walls together, and Tom never thinks the color is right. I’ll hear him say over and over, “Are you sure this color is good?” or “Do you really like it?”
In the beginning those questions would make me nervous, causing me to doubt my choice of color. Now I can say with confidence, “Just wait until you’re finished. You’re going to love it!” And he always does!
So, a couple of days ago when Tom compared our cabin master bathroom color (light brown) to something you do in the bathroom, I didn’t flinch. Today he asked if our upstairs bathroom looked like baby poop! “No,” I laughed out loud. “You’re going to love the color (moss green), just wait and see.”
Now he’s prepping the staircase going to the basement. Thankfully, he’s using primer, so I have a few minutes to write this post. 🙂
This project has made me realize once again how much we need each other. I can’t do half the work he can do in a day, and I certainly can’t do it as well–Tom’s a perfectionist (in a good way) when it comes to painting. And Tom needs me to infuse confidence into everything he does. We make a great team. Although I didn’t always see it this way.
In what ways do you and your spouse complement each other when you’re working together? Do you see your differences as a help or a hindrance?
Photo Credit: Young House Love
We are spending three weeks at Barefoot Cabin getting it ready for the rental program. We started the long, arduous task of painting the interior walls. Most were either hunter green or red. We want to lighten and brighten the cabin, which means we need to apply a good coat of primer on all the walls before we can begin the fun part of adding the new color. The primer process not only covers the old paint, but it bonds to the wall allowing the new color to stick.
Tom and I were talking about how well this applies to marriage. The old must be completely covered, which includes the sins of the past. Have you given your spouse a primer coat? Or do you bring up past sins or failures on a regular basis?
Not only are we called to provide forgiveness to our spouse (covering), but we’re called to support and encourage every day after (bonding). In other words, our forgiveness should stick!
We encourage you to examine your own heart. How primed is your marriage? Are you allowing the hunter greens and reds of your or your spouse’s past sins to bleed through? If so, you need to apply a fresh coat of forgiveness. This time make sure it’s the kind that adheres permanently. The only way to do this is to remember how Christ has covered your own sin and has blocked your stains permanently. What a Savior!
Pray and ask God to help you forgive your spouse in the same way for this is the foundation of a healthy marriage.
Vantage Point is the name of a movie that came out in 2008. In it, the attempted assassination of an American President is shown over and over from different vantage points. It showed how each person saw the same thing, yet formed different responses based on their view. I found the movie fascinating and also quite helpful for encouraging strong marriages. How, you might ask? I believe it helps to see how people can be witnesses to the exact same event, but see it in a different way forming a completely different conclusion as to what happened. It helps in realizing how often we judge others, including our spouse, based on our vantage point, not taking into consideration the way they see it and why. And it helps to know that our spouse may see parts of the situation that we are blind to, thus providing needed protection from unseen dangers.
Imagine one spouse is very “connected” to friends of the opposite sex that the other spouse doesn’t know. It could be a former co-worker. It could be an old high-school friend. It could be someone they’ve met on-line in an innocent way. Yet when your spouse finds out about your chatting/texting/IMing, they get upset. It would be easy to disregard their concern labeling them as jealous, over-protective, untrusting, etc.
But have you considered their vantage point? Seeing you talking in a familiar way with someone they don’t know should be cause for concern. Not because you are being unfaithful, but because in doing so you are cracking a door open that should stay tightly shut.
Photo Credit: http://www.mirror.co.uk
Tom and I have a rule that we have tried to abide by for most of our marriage and that is that we don’t do anything alone with a member of the opposite sex. Tom says he wants to “avoid the appearance of evil”, even if it is completely legit. Becoming too close, too familiar with someone else is not healthy for any marriage. Those who have had an adulterous affair, whether physical or emotional, will tell you that they never intended to have one. They’ll often say, “It just happened.” Well, that’s their vantage point, but it isn’t an honest one. If we could replay the tape from another vantage point, we would see where the door was cracked open long before the affair ever took place. They let their guard down and may have ignored the warning signs from their close friends or spouse.
So, if your spouse has communicated concern about how you’re relating to someone of the opposite sex, we encourage to listen to their vantage point. It might just prevent the assassination of your marriage! Or if you’re the one who is making assumptions about what your spouse is doing or not doing, take time to let them explain it from their vantage point. It may bring resolve helping you see there is no need to be concerned.
We have dear friends over at Marriage Missions International who are also members of The Christian Marriage Bloggers Association with us. Their website is full of biblical wisdom regarding every issue concerning marriage. They have been doing this for well over a decade, so their wealth of wisdom is great. Last week they posted the following post on the aspect of “being one.”
If you are struggling in your marriage with constant fights or disagreements that never seem to be resolved, then please read this post in its entirety. We believe it will provide answers you may not have considered.
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Photo Credit: thisischurch.com
“That they may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you…” (John 17:1)
When I read the above scripture, I was and still am inspired, as it pertains to marriage because I believe God wants us to live in unity, within marriage. Yes, I know that sounds simplistic and is a “given” as far as how most people approach marriage. But something happens along the way in life to cause division in that unity in most marriages, and that’s what I’d like to address.
I believe we have short memories when it comes to our wedding vows. On that “party day” most of us stand before a minister and give promises similar to this:
I, (name), take you (name), to be my (wife/husband),
to have and to hold from this day forward,
for better or for worse,
for richer, for poorer,
in sickness and in health,
to love and to cherish;
until death, do us part.”
Those are pretty important promises —ones that definitely declare that you are determined to be each other’s partner, united in purpose, on purpose.
Yesterday, as I was reading my Oswald Chambers devotional, MY UTMOST FOR HIS HIGHEST
When you put that in the context of marriage, it would make sense that this should be our goal, as well. After all, marriage is a living picture of Christ’s love for His church That’s the picture that we, as God’s children, are supposed to live out in marriage. It wouldn’t say much about the love and commitment of Christ, if He didn’t show that He loved and cared for, worked with, and was united with His bride. And the same can be said for us, in our marriages.
Here at Marriage Missions, we hear over and over again from those who email us and also those who comment on this web site words such as, “we are both Christians but we can’t stop fighting” also, “we both love the Lord but our home is a war zone; our kids are so hurt because we can’t agree on anything —we keep fighting.”
That boggles my mind. I can understand having disagreements here and there (because that’s a “normal” part of living with another human being —especially one we are so close to) but to have the home be a “war zone” and the husband and wife “can’t stop fighting?” We’re talking about Bible-believing, Christ-loving, church-going Christ-followers, here. How can that be? SOMETHING is drastically, horribly wrong with this “picture.”
Oswald Chambers wrote a few things in his devotional that gave me pause to think. As I share them, I hope that as you prayerfully read them they will do the same for you. He wrote:
“Jesus has prayed that you may be one with the Father as He is. Are you helping God to answer that prayer, or have you some other end for your life? Since you became a disciple you cannot be as independent as you used to be.”
As I read that, I was reminded of 1 Corinthians 7, which talks about marriage. It’s laid out clearly that our interests, after marrying, needs to be focused on pleasing each other. A spirit of unity comes to mind. “You cannot be as independent as you used to be.” As I read the above paragraph I thought, are we helping God with the “living picture” he puts forth in scripture about the unity and love of the bride and Bridegroom? Are we trying to help our spouse grow closer to the Father, or are we getting in the way with our agendas?
Oswald Chambers goes on to write:
“The purpose of God is not to answer our prayers, but by our prayers we come to discern the mind of God, and this is revealed in John 17. There is one prayer God must answer, and that is the prayer of Jesus —’that they may be one, even as We are One.’ Are we as close to Jesus Christ as that?”
“God is not concerned about our plans; He does not say —Do you want to go through this bereavement; this upset? He allows these things for His own purpose. The things we are going through are either making us sweeter, better, nobler men and women; or they are making us more captious and faultfinding, more insistent upon our own way. The things that happen either make us fiends, or they make us saints; it depends entirely upon the relationship we are in with God.”
OUCH! Those can be hard words, especially for those who are in difficult marriages. But our spouse cannot MAKE us hold onto sinful attitudes and MAKE us treat him or her in ways that we shouldn’t. We can be bitter or better, noble, or not. If you truly read the scriptures, you will know the attitudes you are to “clothe” yourself with and those you are to shed. Don’t allow yourself to go down the path of being contentious and a “fiend” rather than having the “same attitude as that of Christ Jesus” (as we’re told to do in Philippians 2).
Go God’s way. Be one —especially with the Father —revealing and reflecting the heart of Christ within marriage and in other relationships. Be one in purpose ON PURPOSE.
“Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited. Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.“
And that ESPECIALLY means, with your husband or wife!
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…what a gift we have in each other. Pray for those spouses who can no longer kneel together in prayer. What a sacrifice these couples have given for our freedom!
Our hearts and prayers are with all who today have empty arms and hearts! Thank you!
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The Romantic Vineyard 