Don’t Skip This One Thing

Posted on February 6, 2013 by Debi Walter

juan

I remember hearing as a young adult when considering my future husband to pay attention to how he treated his mother. This was said to be a great indicator of his real character.

Through the years I’ve come to see this as wisdom.

It makes me wonder if the reverse is true as well. A daughter/son should be able to know what they wants in a spouse based on how their parent treated them growing up. This will make those reading this post either smile or cringe based on how well you think you’ve been doing.

But really it isn’t a judgment on one’s behavior as much as it is a barometer of the heart.

You see, we are all more sinful and flawed than we realize, but we’re also more loved and accepted than we dared hope. As a mom, I struggled in training my children the way I should. I often gave in to sinful, angry responses to their misbehavior rather than lovingly leading them the way Christ had led me. It was a continual fountain of sinful behavior followed by sincere repentance. Through the years God slowly changed my heart, which in turn changed my behavior. So often we get it backwards; we work on our behavior to no avail and skip the one thing that is needed for change–repentance. Only God can change a sinful heart and as we cooperate with the Holy Spirit’s convictions, we will change. It is a promise.

So I encourage those who are struggling with daily failures to be the wife/husband, mother/father you want to be, to look up to the only One who can change your sinful heart.

  • Honestly assess where you are in this regard.
  • Talk to your spouse to get their perspective.
  • Pray and repent to God where needed and ask Him to help you change.
  • Then be obedient to His lead each day.

The good news is He has promised to complete the work He’s begun in us, and He will be faithful to do it. He can be no other way. And imagine how this will help our children choose their future spouse?

How easy has it been for you to honestly deal with your own sinful heart? with your spouse’s sinful heart? What is one thing you are currently working with the Holy Spirit to help you change? Does your spouse know about it?

Posted in Christian Marriage, communication, Difficulty, Forgiveness, Growing Strong Marriages, Parenting, Seasons of Life, The Gospel & Marriage | Tagged , , , , , , , | 10 Comments

10 Things My Mom’s Death Taught Me

Posted on February 5, 2013 by Debi Walter

estate sale

My Mom’s estate sale was this past weekend. It was another layer of letting go, and it wasn’t easy–not that I thought it would be.

Things are not special. They wear out, rust, decay and break.

But the memory of special times you had together while using a particular thing IS special. And I can’t count the number of things I pulled out of Mom’s house while preparing for the sale that held special memories for me. I could make a long list of those things, but that’s another post–probably for my author blog.

Today I want to share the 10 things I’ve learned since December 15th, and how to help other couples prepare for the inevitable.

Here they are in no particular order:

  1. Make a will. This is especially important if you have children. If something were to happen to both of you, your children would become a ward of the state until guardianship could be established. Can you imagine how that would affect your children after losing both mother and father? The best way to have peace of mind in this regard is to just do it.
  2. Label all your necessary keys and throw away those that are no longer in use.
  3. Things with special meaning should have notes attached to them or be listed in a place where your family can find them. I found a few things where Mom had written a note on the bottom or back telling us who it belonged to. Had she not done this we would have most likely thrown the item away. Instead it holds a place of honor.
  4. Do regular clean-outs of your drawers and closets and get rid of things that are broken or worn-out.
  5. As you age give your special things to your family members while you’re still alive. It has such a happier meaning for them when they can remember when it was that you gave it to them along with why you wanted them to have it. Rather than it being handed to them after your death.
  6. Make a legacy drawer complete with all your important papers and the location of all lock-boxes and bank accounts.
  7. Make a list of all your current internet connections and passwords and keep it in your lock-box. Make sure you update it often for changes.
  8. Say “I love you” every time you depart. You never know when it may be your last.
  9. Be sure your salvation is in Christ alone. There is no greater hope than knowing death doesn’t have the final say. I will see my Mom again, and this fact causes me great comfort.
  10. Live each day with eternity in view. Most of us don’t like to think about things that make us sad, but doing this one thing will help us remember what really matters…and it’s not things!

How many things on this list have you done? Are you willing to do what it takes to prepare for the inevitable for the sake of your loved ones? It will speak your love to them in a way nothing else will.

Posted in Aging, Christian Marriage, Growing Strong Marriages, Seasons of Life | Tagged , , , , , , , | 8 Comments

Pray In This Way

Posted on February 4, 2013 by Debi Walter

IMG_0155

Have you ever been in a season of your marriage when you honestly don’t know how to pray? It usually happens when you realize what you want to happen may not be the best, but you don’t know an alternative either. It can be a real dilemma, leaving many not praying at all.

Jesus gives us the help we need in knowing how best to pray in such seasons.

He said:

Pray then like this:
“Our Father in heaven,
hallowed be your name.
Your kingdom come,
your will be done,
on earth as it is in heaven.
(Matthew 6:9-10 ESV) emphasis mine

I heard one of our pastors teach on this once, and he said asking for God’s kingdom to come means we are actually praying for Christ to come to rule and reign over us in this specific situation. This one Truth has helped me so many times when I haven’t known what to pray.

This past year has been full of opportunities for us to pray in this way. 

How about you? Are you facing a situation in your marriage that has left you baffled? Is your spouse making decisions with which you’re not fully on board? Are your children making choices that leave you heart-broken and sad? Know that God is very much aware of your need/lack. He alone can guide you into His will for your life and marriage.

So let’s choose to submit to Him by praying the Lord’s prayer over our marriages and families.  God is greatly glorified when we choose to pray in this way from a heart of faith, humility and trust. And most likely the answer He gives won’t look a thing like you had previously prayed. His Word teaches us:

For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways, declares the LORD.
(Isaiah 55:8 ESV)

Posted in Christian Marriage, Difficulty, Growing Strong Marriages, The Gospel & Marriage | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Slices [of our life]

Posted on February 1, 2013 by Tom and Debi

61

Posted in Aging, Christian Marriage, Difficulty, Growing Strong Marriages, Seasons of Life, Slices | Tagged | 1 Comment

14 Ways To Bless Your Spouse This Valentine’s Day

Posted on January 31, 2013 by Tom and Debi

GYRO

We want to give you the heads up about our “Get Your Romance On” (GYRO) Date Night Challenge for Valentine’s Day. The idea is to give your spouse the gift of 14 dates beginning the week after Valentine’s Day and ending the week of May 23rd.

Following are the guidelines for the challenge:

  1. Select a night that works for you, and try to keep it the same night of the week for the entire challenge. This will help you stay on track and may form a new habit in your marriage. 
  2. The date must last at least one hour and can take place in your own home.
  3. There can be no movie dates included in the challenge. Anyone can sit together and watch a movie together. The idea of this challenge is to help you connect on a more intimate level–emotionally, spiritually and physically.
  4. Come up with your own idea for a date together OR use one of the ideas we’ll post on our Friday posts. They’ll be simple, inexpensive and most of all a springboard for a great evening together.
  5. Every Monday we’ll open our comments to hear from you and how you spent your date night with a link up to your blog post, if you have one.
  6. If you’re interested in taking part, please comment saying, “I’m in.” What a great gift this will be to give to your spouse for Valentine’s Day.
  7. Finally, share this idea with your friends on Facebook, Twitter and Pinterest. Let’s celebrate the privilege it is to still date our spouse, and encourage all our married friends to do the same!

We can’t wait to hear from you! 

Posted in Christian Marriage, Date Night Ideas, GYRO Challenge, Holidays, Romance, Romance in Marriage, romantic date nights, Romantic Ideas | Tagged , , , , , , , | 45 Comments

Clue Date Night With A Sexy Twist

Posted on January 30, 2013 by Debi Walter

clue board

We all love the classic game of Clue where each player tries to figure out whodunnit. But what if the whole game was given a twist into a game of whereyougonnadoit, instead. Are you with me?

This date will take some planning, and it will require some money to buy some special colored lingerie or panties, but it will be worth it. You’ll also need access to the whole house, so make plans for your children to be elsewhere for the evening.

Supplies:

  • Clue game board
  • Candles
  • Soft music or mystery music of your choice
  • One piece of lingerie in one of the following colors: Mustard, plum, scarlet, green, white and/or peacock. (Or one of each if you’re able.)
  • Six objects you would enjoy using for a romantic rendezvous. For instance, a blindfold, a feather, flavored lipgloss, ribbon, etc.  Assign each object to a game piece: rope (ribbon), wrench (blindfold), knife (feather), candlestick (scented candle), pipe (massage oil), revolver (lipgloss). You can use these ideas or come up with some of your own.

Next, make cards for each room in your house to match the rooms on the Clue Board.

Here is what you could do:

  • The Kitchen = Your Kitchen
  • The Study = Your Bathroom Shower
  • The Conservatory = The Backyard
  • The Hall = The Hall
  • The Dining Room = The Dining Room
  • The Billiard Room = The Family Room
  • The Lounge = The Master Bedroom
  • The Library = The Office or Schoolroom
  • The Ballroom = The Garage or make this a Wildcard – the winner’s choice

Play the game using the normal rules and try to figure out who did it and with what weapon and in what room. This will determine where you and your sweetie will make a romantic memory on this night.

If you don’t have enough rooms to use all of the clue rooms, then pick different parts of a room, like the living room sofa, the living room floor etc. It doesn’t really matter how many rooms you have. Once you determine whereyougonnadoit, you won’t care one bit.  🙂

Tell your spouse that you want to help him/her “get a clue” about how much you love them.  Then, ask them if they’re game. 

Posted in Cheap Dates, Christian Marriage, Creative Dates, Date Night Ideas, Dating Your Spouse, Free Dates, Fun Dates, Romance in Marriage, Unique Dates | Tagged , , , , | 16 Comments

Posted on January 29, 2013 by Debi Walter

Part 2 of this excellent series!

shereesmusings's avatarFaith Rising


I apologize to those who follow my blog and received this yesterday late morning in your inbox. I originally mistakenly scheduled this post for yesterday instead of today.  Sorry!

Years ago there was a popular author that was widely read among Christian women who promoted the idea of large families. Her premise was that birth control was often used for selfish reasons to limit family size for personal and financial gain. However, she also agreed with scripture that children are a gift and reward from God to be welcomed and enjoyed (Ps 173:3).

While I enjoyed and benefitted from reading her book, there were several problems:

  • What about women who desperately desired children but were unable to have them? Was their infertility an indication that God didn’t love and want to “reward” them? 
  • Is limiting family size categorically and automatically due to greed and worldliness? What about other legitimate reasons…

View original post 617 more words

Posted in Christian Marriage | 2 Comments

Posted on January 28, 2013 by Debi Walter

Today we want to share with you an excellent post from a dear friends about the dangers of judging others self-righteously because they’re different. We can do this in our marriages as well. Read and see if Stanley doesn’t teach us all a valuable lesson.

shereesmusings's avatarFaith Rising

When I was young the playgrounds in my town all had those small Merry-Go-Rounds. We especially enjoyed it when one of the dads used his muscles to leave us holding on for dear life. Well…except Stanley.

He always insisted on stopping everything so he could get off. Eye rolling friends sighed, slowed everything down and let him off. But most of us absolutely loved the tummy tickle that built as we spun faster and faster.

Do you ever feel like your life is spinning away from you? Like Stanley, does life get to a certain pace and then yell to stop it and get off?

I felt that way recently. Between getting one house ready to sell and looking for another; having Benny’s mom with us for a couple of weeks as we discussed and experienced the real-life changes her moving to Florida with us will require; helping out with…

View original post 561 more words

Posted in Christian Marriage | Comments Off on

Taking A Back Seat To Grief

Posted on January 25, 2013 by Tom and Debi
Photo Credit: Hospice Of Dayton

Photo Credit: Hospice Of Dayton

This is our final post about sadness and grieving, but one we felt necessary. We pray it will be a source of encouragement to others.

Tom and I have had only a few times in our 34 years together where grieving was necessary. What a blessing. I know there are many reading these posts quite familiar with grief in a way we have never experienced. We can’t imagine the pain some couples have faced together, let alone understand how to speak words that would encourage. But today’s post is largely for those who have not experienced grief — yet. I say yet, because we know if we live long enough that grief is inevitable.

Here is what we have learned as a couple walking through this season of grief:

  • Grief is unpredictable – it ambushes you, as described by a good friend. How true. I (Debi) can be having a perfectly normal day, when out of the blue something triggers the grief and I feel as if I’ve been punched in the gut. It disrupts everything.
  • The one grieving craves normal, though it will never have it. The normal that comes later is not the way life was before the grief hit.
  • The one not grieving to the same degree craves normal to come sooner than may be possible. Be patient and understanding, even if you don’t understand.
  • Grief seeks to be alone and miserable, but this is not the best for you or your spouse. It’s best to stay close to each other, even if words are difficult or not spoken at all.
  • A hug is often enough.
  • Crying comes in waves. Don’t fight the tears, rather let them flow, and they’ll stop soon enough.
  • Think more carefully before you say something to your spouse. It’s easy to bark back to the spouse who isn’t experiencing the same level of grief. Much grace is needed to do this and to forgive when words are spoken harshly.
  • Have no expectations. Patience is key and is a Fruit of the Spirit. If you find yourself lacking patience, cry out to the only One who can help – your Heavenly Father.
  • Avoid feeling sorry for yourself. It’s expected to be sad when facing grief, but it can easily spill over into being self-absorbed.
  • Finally, the last thing I’ll share is what my Mom taught me after my Dad died. I asked her how she was handling her grief. Listen to her words of wisdom:

“Whenever I’m sad I look for someone else who is in a worse place than me, and I do what I can to help ease their pain.”

Grieving is never an excuse to let our feelings rule and reign in our hearts and our marriage.

We must guard our thoughts even more diligently or the grief can easily cause more damage.

This post is in no way an exhaustive list of how to handle grieving, it is only what we have learned in the past few weeks. We pray it will help you if you’re facing grief, or in the days ahead when you will.

How have you handled grief in your marriage? Was it a time where you drew closer together? Or did it seek to pull you apart?

Posted in Christian Marriage, Difficulty, Fruits of the Spirit, Growing Strong Marriages, Seasons of Life, The Gospel & Marriage | Tagged , , , | 10 Comments

The Praying Marriage

Posted on January 24, 2013 by Tom and Debi
Photo Credit: Mars Hill Church

Photo Credit: Mars Hill Church

We all know how important it is to pray, especially for our spouse. But what do we pray for concerning them? It’s easy to pray for immediate needs–what they’re currently facing. But how much better to back up and see the big picture of what God is doing and pray from that vantage point.

We found a song titled, The Marriage Prayer, that demonstrates how to do this. We pray it will encourage you to pray all the more TODAY for your spouse from this view. In fact it might best be titled, The Praying Marriage.

How often do you pray for your spouse? In what ways have you seen God answer those prayers in surprising ways?

Posted in Christian Marriage, Growing Strong Marriages, Spiritual Intimacy, The Gospel & Marriage | Tagged , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Thinking for Myself

Posted on January 23, 2013 by Debi Walter

Today I’ve posted on my author blog, since the last time I did was December 7th. It’s long overdue. Below is the beginning of it, and you can click over to finish, if you so wish. Thank you for being understanding of me during this challenging season.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve started to post but just couldn’t do it. I wasn’t ready.  The last time I wrote here my Mom was alive, and I was busy taking notes. She passed from this life into the arms of her Savior on December 15th. I have been busy mourning, sorting, filing, crying, remembering, grieving, praying, and cherishing. But thankfully, there has been no regret – NONE!

During her last few weeks…continue reading…

Posted in A Fragrant Aroma | Tagged , , , , , , | Comments Off on Thinking for Myself

Get Your Romance On

Posted on January 22, 2013 by Debi Walter
Photo Credit: To Chew blog

Photo Credit: To Chew blog

Diapers and jobs and schedules, oh my!

Yes, life is full of must-do’s, but it mustn’t negate our need and/or desire for romance. Our marriage is far too important to sideline this aspect of our relationship.

First, let’s be clear on what romance CANNOT do:

  • It can’t neutralize areas of conflict.
  • It can’t change your spouse – if they’re pragmatic, they will be so still.
  • It can’t solve your marriage’s problems.
  • It can’t guarantee better sex.

Second, let’s talk about what romance CAN do:

  • Helps you connect on a different plane than everyday life provides.
  • Gives you a reminder of your life and love before the responsibilities of marriage set in.
  • Let’s you have fun and laugh together.
  • Builds friendship and memories.
  • Sets the stage for honest communication, which can lead to the resolution of conflicts and better sex.

Lastly, let’s talk about how we can help:

  • Holidays, like Valentine’s Day are the perfect time to plan some romance. This is why we’ve provided a plethora of ideas under the Only Husbands and Only Wives tabs above. We invite you to share what you’ve done as well, by commenting on the specific headings.
  • Date night challenges encourage those who have forgotten how to romance their spouse in fun, inexpensive and regular ways. This is why in February we’re starting our first ever date night challenge called “Get Your Romance On.”
  • We are available to help you come up with specific ideas for whatever it is you’re wanting to do, like how I helped my daughter this past week-end. If you aren’t good at it but want to be, shoot us an e-mail at theromanticvineyard [at] gmail [dot] com. and we’ll do what we can to answer your questions and/or provide an idea that will work.

We’ve heard it said that the standard you live by is directly related to the degree of knowledge you have in that area. Thus those who are familiar with the importance of dating their spouse and have witnessed marriages that practice it have a higher standard of romancing their love than those who have not. This is our purpose, to encourage marriages to never let the romance die. It is an important aspect of cultivating your friendship, and shouldn’t be tossed aside as unnecessary.

Can a marriage survive without romance? Absolutely! But think of the fun and memories you’d be missing. 

Posted in Christian Marriage, Date Night Ideas, Dating Your Spouse, Diapers, Toddlers & Romance, Oh My, Growing Strong Marriages, Parenting, Romance in Marriage, romancing your husband, romancing your spouse, romancing your wife, Seasons of Life | Tagged , , , , , , , , | Comments Off on Get Your Romance On

Surprise! You’ve Been Spouse-napped!

Posted on January 21, 2013 by Debi Walter
Atlanta, GA

Atlanta, GA

This past weekend I had the privilege of helping my daughter plan an awesome birthday surprise for her husband of 7.5 years. Words can’t describe how fun it was to help her come up with an idea that would bless him, and give them both a memory they would cherish for the rest of their lives.

Plan A was to drop all the kiddos (they have three 5 and under) off at their pre-arranged locations. It would be the first time she would leave their 7 month baby girl with someone over night. But she was ready!

Next she would have a friend drop her off at her husband’s office at 4p. where she would go to his boss’ office to wait for him to walk in for a “meeting.” Yes, Tracy had called his boss at the beginning of the week asking for his help in pulling off this surprise. He was more than willing, and actually excited to be a part of making this happen.

A perfect plan…except…

His boss e-mailed her to let her know plans were made to give all employees the holiday weekend off beginning at 3p. on Friday.

Tracy called me to tell me the bad news. It wasn’t going to work as planned. I told her not to give up, but to go to Plan B. The only problem? There was no plan B…yet.

We talked it through and worked out another way to make it all work. Tracy was determined to do whatever was needed to spouse-nap her husband. And she did it with flying colors!

She arrived at her husband’s office building realizing she had no idea what floor his office was located. (Seth was at a new job which he started only months before and she had not been there.) She took an educated guess and arrived on a floor full of closed doors. She didn’t know what to do. So she texted her husband. She asked him to come to the 7th floor elevators to find part of his birthday surprise. When he asked why, she just said, “Trust me!” When he came, he found her standing there, and he was confused. She said it was time to leave, but he said he had an important meeting with his boss.

She said, “That’s me!”

“What are you talking about?”

“I’m your meeting. Your boss set that up so you wouldn’t leave the building until I arrived.”

“What?”

“Yeah, I’ve planned a surprise for you, and this is just the beginning.”

Thus, began a fabulous night away for the two of them. We were thrilled to get texts letting us know the surprise was going off without a hitch!

We are sure this is a night they will both remember for the rest of their lives. Surprises are like that. They have staying power in our memory.

Have you ever spouse-napped your husband/wife?

If not, why not make plans to do so this year! You’ll make a lasting memory, but be prepared with a Plan B. Most surprises never go off as originally planned, and many of us give up and spill the secret. BUT those who go to plan B learn how much the surprise was worth the effort.

Valentine’s Day is next month. What surprise could you plan for your spouse that would make them say, “What?” We challenge you to go for it. And then, let us know what you did, either Plan A or B.

Let’s celebrate the privilege it is to do the unexpected. Our spouse, as well as our marriage is worth it!

Posted in Atlanta Date Ideas, Birthdays, Celebration Dates, Christian Marriage, Creative Dates, Romance in Marriage, romancing your husband, Romantic Ideas | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 23 Comments

On Normal

Posted on January 16, 2013 by Debi Walter

ConstantI’ve missed normal. It’s been months since we’ve experienced what used to be normal. I think I’m finally realizing our normal has changed for good, and I need to adjust my expectations. <sigh>

But I don’t like it. Everything looks different, except two things: God’s love for me and Tom’s unfailing commitment to demonstrate that love to me in tangible and thoughtful ways.

I love writing, and I love sharing with you what God has placed on my heart concerning marriage. But even this doesn’t feel the same to me. I spend more time staring at my computer screen then actually typing anything worth reading. Honestly, I erase more than I keep. It makes me sad.

Why do I tell you this? 

Simply because God has called all of us to live life right where we are. He wants us to reflect His glory to a world that doesn’t know Him nor care to. When we’re facing unpleasant seasons of life and/or marriage, this is when God shines the brightest, if we’ll let Him.

A good friend recently encouraged me to remember one word through all I’m facing. That word was “constant”. God is my only constant–the only One who will never leave me or forsake me. I may not like what He’s doing at times, but that doesn’t mean He can’t be trusted. Parents often have to do things their children don’t like for their own good or safety. We, in the same way, are called to trust such seasons to the only One who is unchanging. Difficulty reveals idols I may have been clinging to too tightly. I must let go of the old to embrace the new, and find the joy God has stored up for me in the new season.

And God is a jealous God. He won’t let us cling to worthless things. He will faithfully reveal to us how futile it is to cling to sinking ships.

Another friend reminded me through her excellent post on Waiting, how we miss the main point of Isaiah 40:31 that says:

31 But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.”

It’s those who patiently “wait upon the Lord” who will renew their strength. Only God knows how long the waiting season will last, but He has promised us that:

“weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes with the morning.” – Psalm 30:5

The Bible provides great promises that are worth clinging to in uncertain times. Sometimes it takes our spouse reminding us of the Truth, and it’s the Truth that alone can set us free.

What about you? Have you been clinging to sinking ships? What promises will help you remember the Truth?

Posted in Christian Marriage, Difficulty, Growing Strong Marriages, The Gospel & Marriage | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

On Reading

Posted on January 14, 2013 by Debi Walter
Photo Credit: radionorthland

Photo Credit: radionorthland

It is the beginning of a new year and one where goals are made and hopefully kept throughout the year. One goal I look forward to each year is choosing my reading plan for the Bible. This year Tom and I have chosen to read the One Year Bible, something we’ve done before, but haven’t in a couple of years. It should be fruitful for us.

How about you? Do you make plans together about how you’ll read God’s Word in the coming year?

It’s been said that without a plan, goals are never met. We must have a plan to see a goal realized. 

About 8 years ago I started a group called the Route 66 Club. The Bible contains 66 books, and I love the nostalgia of Route 66. It seemed the perfect name and theme for traveling this ancient road. I post a few times throughout the year as the Lord prompts me just as a way to encourage others and be encouraged as they comment back sharing with me the view from their window.

36270_144657588922968_7190391_n

We have a Facebook page as well that you’re welcome to join if you plan to read the Bible daily. It doesn’t have to be the whole Bible in a year either. It simply involves hearing from the Lord as to what He would have you do, and then be faithful to do what you’ve committed to do.

Another thing we’re working on for this year is a list of books we want to read in 2013. We’ll have fiction, non-fiction, biographies and of course, marriage books to choose from.

But we’d like to hear from you.

What books will you be reading this year? Any that you’d recommend for our list? There is a wonderful website called Goodreads where you can keep a running list of what you’ve read, what you’re reading and what you plan to read. You can follow your friends to see what they’re reading as well. We encourage you to check it out.

An important aspect of marriage is continuing to learn and grow. A great way to insure this happens is to always keep yourself in a good book, including the Bible. You’ll never run out of things to talk about when you’re reading.

“You will be the same person in five years as you are today except for the people you meet and the books you read.” – Charles “Tremendous” Jones

“Bible reading enables us…to enjoy communion with God as He speaks to us from His Word, encouraging us, instructing us, and revealing Himself to us.” – Jerry Bridges

Posted in Christian Marriage, Growing Strong Marriages | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

On Devotion

Posted on January 11, 2013 by Tom Walter

love-and-devotion

Devotion.

It’s one of those words we know, but may or may not realize the weight it carries. Listen to Noah Webster’s definition from his 1828 dictionary:

Ardent love or affection; attachment manifested by constant attention.

Ardent is another word we need to define in order fully understand devotion:

Warm, applied to the passions and affections; passionate; affectionate; much engaged; zealous.

So to break these two words down, how much attention are you giving to your marriage at this point in your relationship? Are you focused on the good as well as the troubled spots? When you see trouble are you more apt to ignore it and hope it will go away? Or are you quick to talk about it.

The answers you give to these questions are indicators as to the level of devotion you have for your marriage.

The good news is we are only one decision away from making significant changes in regard to devotion.

There was a popular song from the movie Grease titled, Hopelessly Devoted To You. The premise of the song was that of a girl who lost the only love she had ever known. She didn’t think she would ever be free from devotion to him. She was “hopelessly devoted.”

As husband and wife committed to love our spouse as Christ loved the church, our devotion is not hopeless. On the contrary it is full of hope. Not only are we called to love one another unselfishly, but God wants us to devote our time, attention, affection and zeal towards our spouse. When we do this it is an act of worship to God. He receives the glory when we love our spouse in the way He intended.

God is devoted to our sanctification.

He has promised to complete the work He’s begun in us. And that which He promises He will do. It is certain. He has also promised to never leave us or forsake us–we have His constant, faithful attention. No detail is missed by His loving eyes. He is devoted to us.

As a result we are called to return His devotion and love in the same way, not only to Him, but also to the one to whom we’ve been joined in one flesh.

How devoted are you to your marriage?

Posted in Christian Marriage, Growing Strong Marriages, Priorities | Tagged , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Marriage Is Only A Shadow

Posted on January 9, 2013 by Debi Walter
Newlyweds: Jefferson and Alyssa Bethke

Newlyweds: Jefferson and Alyssa Bethke

This newly married husband shares a toast at his wedding reception that accurately communicates the beauty of marriage. If all couples had this mindset on their wedding day, there would be no divorce.

Posted in Christian Marriage, Growing Strong Marriages, Newlyweds, Purpose, Testimonies, The Gospel & Marriage | Tagged , , , | 4 Comments

On Patience

Posted on January 8, 2013 by Debi Walter

img_0157

Patience is a fruit of the Spirit, and the lack of it exhibits a resistance to the Spirit in the particular situation you’re facing.

We did an entire series on what Love Is, and it included a post about Patience or Long-suffering. But today I want to share with you the practical side of patience. It’s where we live each day and the choices we make.

The past two months have been volatile for our marriage, and we have a strong relationship. Tom likens it to walking on eggshells, and it’s because of me.

Thanksgiving and Christmas are very special times for our family, as I’m sure it is for your’s too. We have lots of special traditions we look forward to sharing together. But this year everything was different. We spent our first Thanksgiving away from our children, which was very strange and quite emotional. But God helped me through it as I had no doubt we were right where God wanted us to be. And it was good. Add to that my Mom’s illness–Christmas was spent mourning her passing, along with the nasty virus going around hitting both Tom and me. We were emotionally and physically spent.

To make matters worse, our communication started missing more than hitting.

I would say one thing and Tom would interpret it in a way I didn’t mean. Or he would say something to me I wouldn’t like and just get angry with him. Anger for me isn’t a blow-up in your face kind of anger, it’s more of a steaming hot simmer. We didn’t let much time go by before talking things through, but with my emotional state, even the making-up part wasn’t satisfying.

God is showing me how much I trust in my own ability to control myself in situations. I’ve learned through the past two months who I would be apart from His work in  my life. It wasn’t pretty.

Yet, Tom continued to tell me every day that he loved me.

And it wasn’t in a casual way as we walked by. He would stop me, hold my head, look me in the face and say it. I must admit I was tempted to roll my eyes and say, “yeah, right!” But I knew he meant it. How? Because of his patience towards the ugliness of me. He sees God at work even in those places and loves me patiently–like Christ.

I would like to tell you I do the same, but I often react to the here and now without regard for the “not yet” of what God is doing.

Love is patient.

This proves itself when we find ourselves acting in a way we know we wouldn’t normally have acted–When we hold our tongue and choose to think the best of our spouse instead of jumping to conclusions–When we choose to love and embrace, rather than point and lecture.

Photo Credit: Small World Adventures blog

Photo Credit: Small World Adventures blog

Life is hard. But the good news is Christ has given us everything we need to grow and change. All we have to do is humbly accept His will, His way for us. Having a spouse who patiently walks beside the tumultuous river as well as the quiet stream with us makes the journey more bearable and most of all, more God-glorifying.

In what ways does your spouse exhibit patience towards you? What can you do to make it easier for them?

Posted in Christian Marriage, communication, Conflict, Difficulty, Growing Strong Marriages, The Gospel & Marriage | Tagged , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

On Thoughtfulness

Posted on January 7, 2013 by Debi Walter
Photo Credit: thoughtfulcaregiver.com

Photo Credit: thoughtfulcaregiver.com

Thoughtfulness is always appreciated. Especially if the act is something the receiver really needs or wants. A spouse has the unique opportunity to be thoughtful in ways other people simply can’t because they aren’t close enough to see the need.

When was the last time you did something thoughtful for your spouse?

Go ahead. Think about it. And when you remember, won’t you share it with us? Maybe your thoughtfulness will inspire others who are having trouble thinking of something to do.

Today we discovered both our son and son-in-love did something very thoughtful for their brides; they gave them the afternoon off to go to the mall for some much needed time without the children. The amazing thing? Our son lives here and our son-in-love lives in Atlanta. They both did this today without knowing the other was doing the same. It blessed me to no end knowing our kids are learning to love and serve in the way they’ve seen their dad[in-love] do.

Thoughtfulness begets thoughtfulness,

and Tom excels in being thoughtful. And most often when I don’t deserve it. Anyone can be thoughtful to someone who is being thoughtful back, but our Savior gave us an example which raises the bar considerably. He gave thought for us before we ever thought about Him. In fact we were running the other way when He graciously chose us to be His own.

What thoughtful thing can you do for your spouse today? This week? Now make plans to do it. 

Posted in Christian Marriage, Growing Strong Marriages, The Gospel & Marriage | Tagged , , , , | 9 Comments

Trusting God

Posted on January 3, 2013 by Debi Walter

IMG_8748

Hi.

It’s been awhile since I’ve been here–sitting at my computer contemplating what the Lord would have me share with you. It’s hard to think about normal things when my normal has changed so much. So I think I’ll share with you where my mind goes in times like these. It applies to all of us at one time or another–for we’re all destined to face hardship, pain, sadness and separation from those we love in one way or another.

The Lord in His kindness led me to read, Trusting God Even When Life Hurts, by Jerry Bridges beginning in October. It has proved to be a timely book for me.

I have been reminded through this book how important it is to believe in God’s sovereignty over all things.

It is in the difficult times that we’re tempted to think things are spinning out of control. But this is not the case. God is sovereign over the affairs of men–this includes our good times and our bad times. But He is not in control like a slave master over His helpless subjects. No, He is our Father who knows us and cares for us, so much so that He has numbered every hair on our heads.

I have found myself lately praying a portion of the Lord’s Prayer over and over, “Your kingdom come, Your will be done on earth as it is in Heaven.” I don’t know what is best for me in light of eternity. I would most likely choose the path of least resistance because I don’t like pain. But we all know how beneficial it is to experience pain from time to time. Consider the following examples:

  • childbirth
  • having a cavity filled
  • setting a broken bone in place
  • saying no to what you want to spend your money on because you have 5 mouths to feed
  • training for a marathon
  • physical therapy to regain the use of injured muscles after an accident.

Yes, pain has it’s purpose. When my mom was dying a very good friend prayed that He would complete the sanctification process in her life so she would be released from this life to embrace the next. What a thought! God uses all we go through to sanctify us–this is a fancy word for making us more like His Son, Jesus.

2012 was not a fun year for me.

  • Tom lost his job in an industry we both loved for over 3 decades.
  • He lost his job on my birthday.
  • My daughter and her family continue to live away from us.
  • My church family experienced much hardship.
  • My choice for president didn’t make it to the White House.
  • And it all ended with my Mom’s passing leaving me numb and sad.

But listen to Mr. Bridges words:

Trusting God in the midst of our pain and heartache means that we accept it from Him. There is a vast difference between acceptance and either resignation or submission. We can resign ourselves to a difficult situation, simply because we see no other alternative. Many people do that all the time. Or we can submit to the sovereignty of God in our circumstances with a certain amount of reluctance. But to truly accept our pain and heartache has the connotation of willingness. An attitude of acceptance says that we trust God, that He loves us and knows what is best for us.

Did you catch that? We can receive God’s will, submit to God’s will, but if we don’t accept it as good from His hand we will not find the joy hidden in the pain. There are many who have faced far worse hardships than I’ve ever experienced and yet, managed to exhibit such a joy in the midst of the pain that was infectious.

Joni Earekson Tada – became a quadriplegic from a diving accident at the age of 17. She has found a joy she didn’t know prior to her accident.

Jeremy Camp – lost his wife a short time after they were married. Yet his testimony isn’t what you’d expect.

So, today will you join me in asking God to help us ACCEPT his will for our lives? I believe there is a freedom waiting for me I’ve yet to find and a joy that rises above the disappointments.

Christ is the reason we live, move and have our being, not the job we hold or the ending balance of our bank accounts.

Posted in Christian Marriage, Difficulty, Growing Strong Marriages, Seasons of Life, The Gospel & Marriage | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 12 Comments