We’ve all faced seasons where we don’t feel like doing what we know we should. Our convictions may be clear, but our desire to stick to them may fluctuate on any given day.
Here are some scenarios to help you identify with this common tendency:
You said you want to be diligent in your quiet times with the Lord, but you wake up extra tired and end up hitting the snooze button more times than you can remember.
You know the importance of planning a date night with your wife, but by the end of the day all you want is to put your feet up and watch TV.
Raising your children to be responsible and respectful is at the top of your list of priorities, but today the attitudes are easier to ignore than to expend the time and energy needed to correct them.
You want to share sexual intimacy with your spouse, but after the things he/she said last night, you really don’t feel like it anymore.
You know money is tight and you need to stick to your budget, but you’re craving some french fries right now, and after a day like today you deserve a treat.
Can you relate?
We are more prone to do the things we feel like doing than we are to do the things we say are important to us.
Our feelings are fickle.
They cannot be trusted.
And our feelings are what scream the loudest when it is time to do the thing we said we would do.
The good news for us today is the fact that God’s mercies are new every morning. He is aware we need a fresh dose everyday to fight the good fight of faith and choose what Christ told Mary was “the good part.”
Following Christ and His ways are counter-culture to following our feelings and it’s ways. We live in a world where “if it feels good–do it,” is the standard of living. To say no to our feelings is hard, but Christ will help us in our weakness. We only have to admit our need and ask for help.
All the great temptations appear first in the region of the mind and can be fought and conquered there. We have been given the power to close the door of the mind. We can lose this power through disuse or increase it by use, by the daily discipline of the inner man in things which seem small and by reliance upon the word of the Spirit of truth. It is God that worketh in you, both to will and to do of His good pleasure. It is as though He said, ‘Learn to live in your will, not in your feelings.’
Amy Carmichael
In what ways are your feelings trying to conquer your convictions?
Maybe you cringe whenever you hear the word creative because you simply aren’t creative in any sense of the word. Well, I have good news for you–you don’t have to be creative in order to have a creative date because there are enough creative people who are willing to share with you their ideas. They do this simply to help you have fun without the pangs of thinking the things up on your own.
This brings me to the reason for this post.
My husband wonders at times how I sleep at night because of the way my brain thinks. Actually, it never stops. Once I drift out of consciousness, I immediately enter dreamland or nightmareland depending on the night. It isn’t fun. It can be exhausting, but it can also be helpful. I’ve found having an outlet for my ideas really helps me relax, like letting go of something that keeps tugging on my brain.
So, consider this post another dumping of ideas where my husband can be spared of so many thoughts and ideas coming to him full force. And maybe, just maybe I’ll sleep a little better tonight. 🙂
Creative Date Ideas:
Pinterest is full of creative people who like to post creative ideas. Why not plan an evening using everything from Pinterest from the dinner menu – to the decorating – to the conversation. And you can follow us on Pinterest as well for a continual flow of ideas that we find helpful.
Days of Creation Dates – Since God is the creator of all things, why not plan 6 dates celebrating the order in which He did it all. Here is the list with some ideas following of what you could do:
Light and dark – play flashlight tag in your house after dark. Eat light ice cream with dark chocolate fudge.
Heaven – Go skydiving, parasailing, take a flying lesson, fly a kite, or just eat heavenly hash ice cream.
Dry land, seas, vegetation – Go to the beach and build a sand castle, or visit a nearby lake or aquarium, take a drive in the desert, eat a vegetarian meal, plant a garden.
The sun, moon and stars – Visit a planetarium to star gaze, buy or borrow a telescope to view the night sky from your backyard, take a drive to the continental divide if you happen to be in that area, Go sunbathing on the beach, or visit a tanning spa together.
Living creatures in the water, birds of the air – Visit your local Audubon Society, go bird watching together, set up a bird feeder in your backyard, go out for seafood, go fishing either fresh water or deep sea, watch an episode of Planet Earth.
Land animals and people – Enjoy a delicious steak dinner and then have sex! 🙂
REST.
Alphabet Dates – Yes, you can date your way through the Alphabet starting from A all the way to Z.
Passport Dates – Take a trip around the world one date at a time. Begin by making you and your spouse a personal Passport complete with pictures of each of you. Then, select a country where you would like to visit. Plan your first stop with an authentic meal either prepared at home, or at a nearby restaurant. Learn about their culture and try to do something together you’ve never done before–take a drum lesson together (Africa), try your feet at Salsa dancing (Brazil), Learn how to juggle (Hawaii). In this case the world really is your oyster!
Rendezvous Date – This is one where you pretend you don’t know each other and make plans to meet somewhere for dinner. On this date you’re not allowed to talk about your children because you’re pretending you don’t have them yet. The focus is completely on each other. Be sure to dress to impress too. You only have one chance for a good first impression!
Mystery Date – We’ve posted about this one that our son and daughter-in-love came up with. Flip a penny to see which turn you’ll make. This date is for the truly adventurous at heart.
Romantic Scavenger Hunt – make a list of things your spouse has to collect within a certain amount of time. Then assign a reward for each item on the list. For instance, they have to find a heart-shaped leaf and their reward would be to see you dressed in something sexy with hearts. Here are some more: Hershey kiss = french kiss, hand-written love message = hand massage, Lincoln penny=Lincoln $5 bill, movie ticket stub=new DVD of favorite movie, bottle of child’s bubbles=hot, bubble bath or bottle of champagne, cluster of grapes=bottle of wine, photograph of someone smiling from ear to ear=a cheese wedge, a carrot=14k gold jewelry (Hey, who says they have to all be inexpensive. We can dream can’t we?) Basically, if your spouse is a good sport they will be rewarded for getting all the items on the list. The key is though, you can’t tell your spouse WHY they must gather all of these things. Let the rewards be a surprise.
There was a time in my life when I would have taken offense at being called a “cheap date.” But once you’re married with small children, teenagers or without a job, a cheap date is a grateful option and becomes quite valuable. Many couples think if they are limited on money then the date night is the first thing that needs to go.
I would disagree.
When you’re forced to live on a limited budget date nights are even more important. When stress is high, the need to connect increases. And connecting is difficult if there isn’t time set aside to actually connect!
So now that you see the need, let’s talk about the how!
This is my favorite thing to do–brainstorm fun ideas when it seems there isn’t anything fun to do that’s also cheap.
Valuable Cheap Date Ideas:
Wherever you go hold hands. It is an easy way to connect and communicate the importance of being together.
Plan a dessert rendezvous under the stars. Set up two comfy chairs, get candles, a firepit or tiki torches – whatever you already have, and set the chairs around the fire. Get a small table using one from your house, and serve your dessert while enjoying the music provided by the crickets. See if you can spot a shooting star.
Set up a jigsaw puzzle on a table somewhere in your home where it won’t be in the way. Work on it together when you have some time. You’ll be surprised at how much casual conversation takes place while doing this.
Go to your local bookstore or library. Each of you split up for 15 minutes and find a non-fiction book you find interesting. For the next 15 minutes read until you discover something you did’t know before. Then spend the rest of the evening talking about what you’ve learned.
What was a favorite movie of yours before you and your spouse met? Plan an evening to watch it together. Don’t forget to include your favorite movie snacks too.
Have a spa night where you give each other massages. Afterward draw a warm bubble bath surrounded with candles and soft music.
If your spouse enjoys sports, plan an evening to watch a video of some the most memorable moments in sports history. If they’ve already seen all of them, then make your own trivia contest and see if you can stump them. If they win, they get to choose the prize. If you stump them, you get to choose. With this game no matter who loses still wins!
If you need more ideas, we have them under our D.R.A.B. date night category, which stands for “Does Not Require A Babysitter.”
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And we have about two weeks left in our Summer Lovin’ Photo Contest. taking place now through Labor Day. For details click here.
Does your spouse have a birthday coming up soon? Mine does; Tom’s birthday is on Saturday, and I’m excited to celebrate yet another year of his life. A kindness from God we can easily take for granted. I would love it if he were to receive lots of birthday greeting e-mails on Saturday from friends near and far! Imagine the surprise and the joy Tom will experience. If you are so inclined to think of him on Saturday, I would be grateful for your help with this endeavor. Send your e-mail to theromanticvineyard@gmail.com 🙂 Now I just have to think of a way to keep him from reading today’s post.
Do you have an anniversary coming up soon? Then, make plans to do something to take your spouse’s breath away. There is no one on earth who knows how to do this better than you. Wives, romance on your anniversary shouldn’t be solely your husband’s responsibility; they need/want to be the recipient of our romance as well. After all it takes both of us to make a marriage work, so it makes sense that it should take both of us to celebrate it each year.
Love is to be celebrated!
Graphics Credit: MichelleSedas.com
We can also celebrate accomplishments, such as big or small victories in our spouse’s life. Don’t let an opportunity to bless your spouse pass by without celebrating it to the best of your ability. Tom and I have often joked because we’ve celebrated every phase of my book-writing process–He bought me a charm in Barbados when I finished the first draft; He took me to dinner when I completed the final manuscript; Now he’s planning a trip for us to Oklahoma when the book is published. I know how much he cares for me based on how he celebrates things that are important to me!
Does your spouse have your support when they accomplish a long-standing goal? Then celebrate it!
Here are 9 ideas for what you can do to celebrate life’s greatest moments:
Go to dinner and let the restaurant know what the occasion is you’re celebrating. Often they will have an added bonus free of charge.
If your spouse has a collection, pick out something that will commemorate this accomplishment. (The charm Tom bought me was a flip-flop with the imprint of a foot in it, representing my journey as a writer, and my love of flip-flops! 🙂 ) His thoughtfulness deeply affected me.
Blow up balloons for the number of years you’re celebrating. Add a note of gratefulness in each balloon for them to pop and read. You could even include some money for shopping spree, if your spouse enjoys shopping.
Make a CD of all your favorite love songs through the years. Put it in the CD player of their car on your anniversary or birthday without them knowing. When they’re driving somewhere, call them and tell them to turn the CD on and enjoy! You could even pack a cooler with their favorite snacks/drinks for an added touch of thoughtfulness for the road.
If you’ve saved cards or love letters, spend an evening going through them and remembering the kindness of God to you both through the years.
Plan a big birthday surprise. When Tom turned 40 I gave him a high-school prom themed party. He had always said he never went to one of his HS proms because he didn’t know a girl at the time he wanted to spend that much money on. Well, he had me now, so what better way to celebrate than to give him that prom he never attended. I used his class yearbook to find out the theme “Close To You,” and we used it for our night’s theme. Our friends came dressed in 1972 polyester suits and dresses. We played all the music from that year (even had a live band made up of long-time friends). Tom was crowned Prom King and I was his Queen. It was a memorable night to say the least!
Use the game of Life as a springboard to celebrate the life of your spouse. I used this theme when Tom turned 50. For a guest sign in, I made little squares that looked like the colorful squares of the game board. When the party was over I planned to make a Life board and have it framed. Sadly, this project was never finished, but the idea was good. Each table represented a different decade of Tom’s life, complete with pictures from those years as a centerpiece. I had someone from each decade share publicly their memories of knowing Tom then. It was one of my favorite celebrations EVER. Tom’s dad even flew in from CA as a surprise.
Make a big sign on your spouse’s birthday and tape it to the back of their car without them knowing. I did this to Tom one year. The sign read, “Today is my birthday. Honk to wish me a happy one! P.S. My wife put this here without me knowing!” Hee hee!
If you’ve purchased a special gift for your wife on your anniversary, make the most of giving it to her. When we celebrated our 20th anniversary, we happened to be in AZ for a business trip. Tom had bought me a beautiful ring, and planned to give it to me while we stood on the edge of the south rim of the Grand Canyon. It is still one of my all-time favorite memories, as is the ring. The look on Tom’s face was similar to the look he had on our wedding day–priceless.
Many of these ideas are easy, and inexpensive, but sure to communicate your enthusiasm for your spouse’s life. This is the heart of celebrating, isn’t it?
Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor.
(Romans 12:10 ESV)
What Celebration Date Ideas can you share from your own life?
We were taking a fresh look at The Romantic Vineyard recently and realized we have more Date Night Idea categories than we’ve posted about. This is due to the fact that Debi was extremely excited when we first started to blog that she listed every possible category for a good date night that she could think of. So we thought it would be fun adding to the categories that are lacking content.
Here are 11 ideas for an Artsy Date
Take an afternoon off to visit a local art museum. For an added bit of fun, go a day ahead and make a scavenger hunt out of it. Write out clues and see if your spouse can figure out the answer. This one may be artsy, but it won’t be “fartsy.” 🙂
Go to an art festival. If you know one will take place in advance, save some money for it, and as a surprise let your spouse pick out something they love.
Spend an evening at your local pottery studio. Many of them offer date nights where wine and appetizers are served while you create your own pottery.
Visit a chocolate factory where you can make your own candy. Any time you use your hands together to create art, it has the potential of creating intimacy.
Take a cooking class together.
Watch a cooking show on TV. Record it. Buy the ingredients and spend the evening making your own artistic creation in the kitchen.
Visit an art gallery when you have lots of time to interpret the paintings. It can be fun making up stories to the abstract as well as to the surreal.
Buy tickets to a concert, symphony, play or ballet. Whatever you would both enjoy.
Buy some cheap finger paints and have fun. Better yet, finger paint with instant pudding! 🙂
Draw something creative on the sidewalk with your child’s sidewalk chalk. It could be an invitation to your artsy date.
If you’re near a beach, buy some nice sculpting tools and try your hands at creating sand art or sand castles.
Most of all have fun expressing your love in an artsy way.
Tonight the Olympics will broadcast the closing ceremony of the 30th Olympiad, and I’m sure it’s going to be worth watching. Imagine the thoughts of the athletes who won a medal? This closing is the end of a long training process where they saw their goals reached. It is, I’m sure, a happy closing.
But what about the ones who trained just as hard, but didn’t reach their goal? They are returning home without a medal, but what they do have is many memories of falling short of where they had hoped to be. This closing for them is disappointing, maybe even sad.
We all face closings of various kinds in our lives: closing on a new home (happy), closing of a family business (sad), closing of a relationship (happy or sad), closing of one chapter of life to embrace a new chapter (happy and sad). The emotions which follow us after such closings are to be expected. We are human. We have emotions. And this is how God has made us.
So how do we prepare for closings in our marriage?
The answer is two-fold: We talk about how we’re feeling with our spouse and we pray to the only One who can help us. It is in times like these that we realize how much our life, our marriage, is affected by the decisions we make and the road marked out for us.
The good news is God has not left us to figure out these closings on our own.
He is leading us and guiding us through the daytime as much as He is through the darkness. We can trust Him to help us walk away from the disappointments, the closed doors and the changing seasons with faith for the new doors which are sure to open and the encouraging appointments He has prepared for us.
Spring always follows winter and with it comes new life.
What closings have you faced recently in your marriage? Were they the happy kind or the sad/disappointing kind? How is God helping you embrace the changing season?
Most of you will be gathering with your local church to worship the God we love and serve. What a privilege it is to know His Wondrous Love. This is what makes the difference in a marriage devoted to serving and glorifying Christ. It’s all about Him and His work in us.
May this song fill your heart with praise and your marriage with hope.
Sung by: Vikki Cook, written by Steve and Vikki Cook, from the album Before The Throne
Yes, it’s been awhile since we’ve had time to read other blogs, much less post about them for you! Sorry. This is what happens when your world is turned upside-down. Thankfully, our feet have landed, and we’re getting our bearings in this new season of life.
Now for the blog posts we call our “Specials of the Week.” Enjoy…
Encourage Your Spouse
Fear, Uncertainty and Doubt – Oh My! If these three words are chasing you these days then, be “encouraged” by Lori’s excellent post. You may want to check out the Faith printable available on Etsy too.
Happy Wives Club
What To Do After You Say ‘I Do’ – A good reminder of how much more important it is to plan for the days AFTER the wedding than the day OF the wedding.
Journey of a Lifetime – I’m a little late on discovering Fawn’s trip around the world, but what a fun goal full of inspiration, I’m sure!
Marriage On Purpose – what would your purpose be for your marriage? Never thought about it? Well, don’t miss this important and helpful post.
One Flesh Marriage
Forgiving the Unforgivable – Are you struggling with forgiving your spouse about something? If so, this post will help you in ways you may not realize you need. We pray it will be an answer to your prayers for help and hope in the difficult place.
To Love, Honor and Vacuum
Choosing Joy – Doing this is easier than you think. A great post by Sheila that is sure to make you think about many things in your day you probably don’t think about.
We Are That Family
How To Host A Marriage Revival – a new blog to us, this post will inspire you no matter what stage of marriage you’re in right now.
We found great encouragement by this banner hanging from the cabin next door.
As you know Tom no longer has a job. We went away to the mountains of North Carolina last week to be alone and mostly to listen. Tom prayed. I prayed. We prayed together and read God’s Word. It was exactly as we hoped it would be, and God met us.
One morning I heard something specific for Tom during this season. But since it was directional in nature I purposed to wait to tell him until I felt prompted by the Lord to do so. As we were leaving our amazing and romantic one-bedroom cabin 🙂 I asked Tom if he had heard anything specific from the Lord. Imagine my surprise when he shared with me that he had heard exactly what I had heard! I was able to confirm what he was sensing, and we both came away satisfied with God meeting us as we had hoped.
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When was the last time you purposed to hear from God separately and/or together? Did He meet you in a special way?
It was bound to happen. Olympians are, after all only humans. But oh, to be the one to whom it happens–embarrassing to say the least!
German Diver, Stephen Feck slipped as he was launching off the board and ended up flopping flat on his back. Ouch! The crowd erupted with laughter. Stephen lost a couple of toenails which surely hurt, but certainly not as painful as the humiliation of such a dive.
He will be remembered as the one who scored perfect zeroes at the Olympics. Sadly, he withdrew himself from the competition because he was in too much pain. You can watch the video at NBC’s Olympic website. They are shutting down all unauthorized videos which are sure to go viral.
Why is it our natural tendency is to rejoice when someone messes up? Is it because it makes us feel better? Or that even a well-trained athlete isn’t perfect? Whatever the reason, based on the following list of articles blanketing the internet, everyone will know the name of Stephen Feck. He’s not likely to receive any endorsements either.
Our sympathies go out to Feck, and we pray God will use this in his life for good in some way or another.
But what about when our marriages flop? We all know couples who seem to have it all together. From the outside it looks like their relationship is perfect. But we know it’s not. We’re all human and plagued with the same sin nature. It is who we are, and we have no hope of changing, but for the grace of God. He is the only One who can help us score big in our marriage. If we allow ourselves to slip into self-sufficiency thinking we’ve got this marriage thing down, be careful indeed.
This is a slippery slope.
None of us are above temptations pull. Each day is a new opportunity to mess things up royally. This is why from the moment our feet touch the floor in the morning until our head hits the pillow at night we must be on guard. We will never arrive until God calls us home.
We live in an imperfect world. Sure, the Olympics provide us with amazing athletes–one even scored a perfect 10 in 1976–but even their best efforts don’t prevent them from making mistakes and neither will ours. How grateful I am to know our mistakes aren’t caught on video for all the world to see!
As you pray for your marriage today, whatever difficultly you’re facing, remember the grace of God that is available to help you through the challenge. And say a prayer for Stephen Feck too. I have a sense he needs the comfort only God can give.
They run because it is the fastest way out of poverty in their country. The Kenyan Olympic team uses basic methods that produce olympic results.
The residents of Iten is well-known as the “Home of Champions.” And there is good reason for it. The town sits 8,000 feet above sea level, and it’s 6 miles down to the valley. This group of villagers are devoted to daily runs where the air is thin and the slopes are steep.
If a runner is privileged to be chosen to train in the Run-Fast Camp, they are given basic accommodations, simple balanced food and consistent training. But it’s not a fancy place by any means. Their diet consists of corn, beans, kale and sometimes a steak.
So why are their results so profound?
Experts say it’s because they want it. They know that to win in running is to guarantee success in life. As a result, every day at 9a. they line up on a red clay rutted road to run long, hard and fast as their fellow villagers look on shouting accolades and praise. Yes, they are the pride of all who call this place home. And for good reason.
They’ve proven the basics work!
What inspiration to apply to our marriages as well. We can get caught up with the latest book, seminar or comic speaker all telling us how to better our relationship, but in reality all we really need is a greater understanding of how the basic Biblical truths apply to us today.
The Bible teaches us:
Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. (Ephesians 5:25-31 ESV)
Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. (Ephesians 5:22 ESV)
…let the wife see that she respects her husband. (Ephesians 5:33 ESV)
These attitudes flow from hearts who are more interested in the good of the other than they are in their own good. This is Biblical love expressed in the one flesh union of a husband and wife.
If you commit to do these basics, loving your spouse in this way, then your marriage is sure to grow. You may even win accolades from those who are watching from the sidelines making your home one of marriage champions.
How could you train yourself to love your spouse in this way?
It will take the help of the Holy Spirit to infuse you with His power from on high. But He is more than willing to help us. He’s promised to do so in His Word.
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Don’t forget our Summer Lovin’ Photo Contest taking place now through Labor Day. For details click here.
South Africa’s Oscar Pistorius, aka the Blade Runner, heads to the finish line in his 400-meter heat on Saturday in London. (Wally Skalij / Los Angeles Times / August 4, 2012)
If you’ve been watching the Olympics at all, you’ve certainly heard of him. He’s one of the most talked about participants in the 2012 games. His nickname is Blade Runner and for good reason, Oscar Pistorius from South Africa lost both legs when he was only 11 months old due to a birth defect. His infectious optimism is credited in large part to his late mom, Sheila, who insisted his disability wouldn’t hold him back; she encouraged him as a boy to do whatever he saw his older brother doing. And as a toddler this is exactly what he would do. He saw his disability as a challenge rather than a hindrance.
He was fitted with prosthetic blades making him the first double-amputee to compete in the Olympics. He is an inspiration to all who have come to know him in London.
South Africa’s ‘Blade Runner’ Oscar Pistorius. Photo: Martin Rickett/PA Wire
Oscar shared, “my mom would often tell me a loser is not a person who gets involved and comes in last, but it’s the person who doesn’t get involved at all.”
Do you ever feel as if your marriage is losing? Like you’re falling behind where you think you should be or hoped to be by now? Well let Mr. Pistorius encourage you. It isn’t how fast we run or the records we break, but the attitude we bring with us that makes all the difference.
Oscar has had an impact on everyone he meets, and it’s not his legs that get him noticed, it’s his smile.
No one is more grateful to be here. His expression reveals the gratefulness he has to even be in London, whether or not he places in the 400m. race. He is grateful for the fans, grateful for the competition and grateful to have the freedom to run at all.
How grateful are you for your marriage? Are you facing difficult times in your relationship? Are you letting this hold you back from being grateful for the privilege it is to be married in the first place? Let’s not use our trials as an excuse for a weak marriage, but rather let’s embrace the trial with faith for what God can do in spite of them. True strength is born out of weakness, for the Bible states that when I am weak, then I am strong.
It is God alone who can help us in our weakness to do things we could never do on our own. And when we do, there is no doubt who gets the glory.
Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.
(Hebrews 12:1-2 ESV)
He’s the oldest Olympian taking part in the 2012 London Games, and at 71 he’s the most respected.
Meet Hiroshi Hoketsu from Japan. He first entered the Olympics in 1968 where he competed in Equestrian Jumping. His second time at the games was in 2008 in Beijing. Although he never won a medal for his participation, this didn’t stop him from coming back a third time.
Why, you may ask?
Because he loves to compete, whether or not he receives the gold, silver or bronze. And this love and devotion has had an impact on all who know him. He would consider returning in 2016, but his horse, Whisper, will be too old to compete.
What can we learn from Mr. Hoketsu for our marriages? Mostly that loyalty and commitment that last a lifetime are to be praised regardless of the praise or rewards received from men. When asked how long he plans to compete, listen to what he said, “as long as I feel I keep improving.” His goal isn’t to win the gold or even a medal for that matter.
His goal is to keep improving.
Imagine if we took our motivation from the fact that our marriage is improving each year? We may not be where we want to be, but we can thank God that we aren’t where we were this time last year or five years ago.
Tom and I have been away this past week with one mindset–to not look behind, but to look ahead. Sure we have many disappointments that have transpired in the past few years, but God is calling us to focus on pursuing what’s to come, like this 71 year old Equestrian rider. As long as improving is our goal, there is no limit to what God can do in and through our marriage. And there is no limit to what God can do in yours!
The question is what motivates us to push forward? Is it being the best or simply being better?
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Don’t forget our Summer Lovin’ Photo Contest taking place now through Labor Day. For details click here.
We have been considering the Olympics in light of marriage – applying the analogy of a good Olympian to a good marriage.
Yesterday we watched as Michael Phelps went for his 18th medal in swimming the 200m butterfly. If he won the gold he would set an Olympic record for winning the gold three consecutive times in the same event.
His form was amazing. His skill obvious. And his speed was fast–super fast, as our grandson would say. 🙂 But on the final lap he touched the wall .05 of a second short of gold. He still had a silver medal, but the look on his face showed his disappointment. He didn’t measure well in his own eyes because someone else did better.
Photo Credit: Baltimore Sun
How often do you look at other marriages and wish yours could be like theirs? How often do you compare your spouse to the spouse of a friend and wish he/she could just be like them in “this” way. Your spouse may do many things well. They may far exceed others in certain areas, but the one area you are craving change never seems to improve. They constantly fall short of your expectations because in your eyes, someone else is doing it better.
This is a pattern many marriages live with, and it is detrimental to the health of a godly marriage. We mustn’t compare what we have or don’t have with others. God is the one who gives gifts to men. We may be expecting something of our spouse they aren’t capable of producing. And who are we to say what would be best for our spouse, for our marriage? God alone determines our lot in life:
The LORD is my chosen portion and my cup;
you hold my lot.
The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places;
indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance.
(Psalm 16:5-6 ESV)
Instead of coming out of the water disappointed in a swim not quite good enough, let’s come up grateful we were able to swim at all. Ungratefulness breeds discontent which leads to sin, and sin always kills. On the other hand, life is found in being grateful for what you’ve been given, and thus, trusting God to bring the needed change in your spouse and marriage.
Remember these truths the next time you’re tempted to think your spouse or your marriage is not good enough.
Every athlete, no matter what country they represent, has one. The athletes listen to their every word and look to them first for their approval after their performance. In watching the Olympics I’ve been struck by their influence. Who is this person?
It’s their coach.
Their coach has been with them from the beginning, helping them form their goals, strengthen their skills and polish their performance. They provide the wisdom needed for the aspiring Olympians. Without them, no one would have a chance to succeed. And when they do succeed no one cheers louder, except maybe their parents. 🙂
So why is it we think marriage is less deserving of this kind of input? What if we were to have a marriage coach to help us, train us and watch over every conversation to make sure it was leading us and our relationship toward our stated goals.
We do have a marriage coach, but are we listening to Him?
The Holy Spirit has been given to us to help us remember what is of most importance. Even the disciples were unsure they would be able to remember all that Christ had taught them in His three years of ministry. But Christ assured them He would send them a Helper who would bring to their remembrance all that He had instructed them. And He was faithful to His promise.
We have the Holy Spirit to help us grow our marriage for His glory. But are we listening? Do we take time to hear what He is saying to us today about our latest conflict? Our latest challenge? Our latest blessing? He has a purpose for our marriage in everything we face together. Is it an obstacle we’re confronted with? Then, know that God is wanting to help us overcome it. Is it a continual argument between the two of you that never seems to have an answer? Then, God is after something in the struggle.
God wastes nothing, not even our disagreements. He uses them to grow us and make us stronger as a result. We are not alone, and better yet, God has promised He will complete the work He’s begun in our hearts and our marriage.
Let’s listen to His voice today. He’s calling us to endure, to not give up, but to press on, in order to become all He has purposed for us to be.
In 1996, the U.S. Women’s gymnastics team was up against Russia for the gold. We had one opportunity to finally defeat them, but the challenge grew as one gymnast fell not once, but twice threatening the lead the United States team had secured. It was up to one athlete, Kerri Strug, a 4 foot 9 powerhouse from AZ. She would prove to a watching world what devotion and determination look like.
She performs a difficult vault that requires a handspring and a twisting dismount. As she descends through the air toward the ground, she slips on her landing and falls on her backside. She also hears a snap in her left ankle. There is disbelief in the crowd. The gold, it appears, is gone when Strug’s score — 9.162 — is flashed on the board.
Strug falls to her knees, disregarding her injured ankle. Her parents, sitting in the stands, cover their faces. As Strug rises and begins psyching herself up for her second and final vault, pain shoots through her leg. Turns out, she has suffered two torn ligaments in the ankle.
Left to herself she may have given in to defeat. But listen to what her coach does next:
U.S. Coach Bela Karolyi walks over to the ailing Strug, puts his arm around her and says softly, “Kerri, we need you to go one more time. We need you one more time for the gold.”
Strug rises from the floor, removes the ice pack from her ankle and says a prayer: “Please, God, help me make this vault.” She’s performed this vault more than a thousand times. “I know I can do it one more time, injured ankle or not,” she thinks to herself.
Her coach appeals to her. He reminds her of her goal and how close it is. He assures her he will be with her afterward to help her, only give it your best, he pleads.
Strug sprints down the runway on her damaged ankle. Across the way, the Russian gymnasts, stop and watch. Strug leaps high into the air. She performs a back handspring onto the vault, perfectly. Then she descends through the air, toward the ground. Everyone on the sidelines and in the crowd winces, knowing that when Strug lands, it’s going to be as painful as someone smashing a medal rod against your ankle.Strug lands hard on both feet, amazingly without stumbling. Yet when she lands, she hears another crack in the same ankle. She gingerly picks up her damaged ankle and folds it behind her, keeping her balance, to the shock of everyone in the crowd and everyone watching on TV. Her mind tells her body to stand upright for the traditional post-performance pose. She hops on one foot to face one side of the crowd, then hops again to face the other, all the while holding up her injured ankle.Strug’s teammates begin leaping on the sideline. Strug, meanwhile, hops around a quarter turn, arms raised, and forces a big smile for the judges while the Georgia Dome crowd of 32,048 lets out a roar. She holds the pose for a few seconds, just long enough to please the judges, then she falls to the floor and grimaces in agonizing pain as the ovation continues.
Kerri Strug did what her coach had asked of her. And when it came time to receive the Gold Medal on the podium, the paramedics wanted to get her to a hospital for much needed medical attention. But she refused. She wanted to be there with her team, and her coach made sure it would happen.
He carried her to the podium where the National Anthem was played in honor of this team of girls who were willing to go for the prize no matter the pain or the cost.
Imagine if we were to embrace this kind of commitment in our marriage?
Pain is inevitable. Hardship is certain, but God is right there with us ready to carry us when needed and support us through it all.
We offer Kerri’s prayer in closing, “Please God, help us make our marriage work for Your glory and the good of all who are watching.”
We are away this week for one purpose only and that is to know Jesus Christ and what his plan is for us in this next season. We are overwhelmed with the number of you who have contacted us to let us know you’re praying for us, and for this we are grateful beyond words.
We awoke this morning with this song on our heart. May you be drawn to seek only Jesus in whatever circumstances you’re facing right now. He who has promised is faithful!
As we continue our Going For The Gold In Marriage series we cannot overlook the inspirational stories of the Olympic Torchbearers. Each runner is chosen for their personal contribution in life. It may be an 81 year old woman who has spent her life as a nurse helping others, or it could be a man in his 40’s who has epilepsy who has learned how to live an active and productive life without limitations. Whatever the reason for their being selected, the mission is the same–to carry the torch from its starting point to its finishing point.
It is an honor to carry the flame.
Meet the Allens. They were each selected to carry the torch on Day Two of the 8,000 miles race. Unlike a normal relay where the torch is actually passed from one runner to the next. In this race it is the flame that is passed from one torch to the next. It is called “the kiss.” Frank Allen ran towards his wife and was honored to pass what he had been given to his wife, Jane. Not only did their torches “kiss,” but he kissed her as well.
What an example for our marriages.
When we said our vows, we were in a sense, given a torch to carry. It is the torch of the glory of the grace of God. We didn’t start the flame. It was lit on Calvary when Christ secured our eternal reward through His death, burial and resurrection. He is the hope we carry within us and the reason we can faithfully run this marathon called marriage.
Sure there are obstacles along the way and weather to endure, but God has promised the flame will never be extinguished. What good news! Whatever trial or difficulty you’re facing in your marriage right now, there is grace available to help you not only carry the torch, but to hold it high.
When we get to the end of our life may our stories inspire others and point the way to the Grace of God, available to all who will but ask.
It is an honor to hold the torch for Christ.
What’s your story? How has your marriage held the torch of God’s grace high for others to see and follow? What obstacles has He helped you overcome together? Let’s marvel at His grace today.
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Don’t forget our Summer Lovin’ Photo Contest taking place now through Labor Day. For details click here.
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This is post #28 in the Ultimate Blog Challenge to post everyday in July.
The opening ceremony took us on a walk through Britain’s rich history. It was quite the show, as it should have been for the entire production took seven years of dedication and practice to master.
The games started in earnest while I was sleeping. So the first event I watched was cycling. I’m always amazed to hear the stories of how long the athletes have worked for this moment in history.
One Swiss cyclist in particular, Fabian Cancellara, was enjoying the lead position. He miscalculated a turn which caused him to fall, severely injuring his right arm and shoulder. He got up and continued, even though he was unable to put any weight on that arm for the remainder of the race. Amazing devotion! He had one goal in mind–to finish–and nothing was going to keep him from crossing that line no matter the cost.
What an example of courage obtained through years of sacrifice and devotion.
This got me thinking. What if husbands and wives were to commit their lives to their marriages in the same way? What if each morning the husband was to first of all think of how he could better his marriage that day, rather than how he could fulfill his own interests? What if the wife was to seek how to grow in encouraging her husband and supporting him wholeheartedly without regards of self? How would their marriage benefit from such a mindset?
This is exactly what it takes to go for the gold in marriage.
It is both partners laying down their lives for the good of the other. If only one person in the marriage is willing to do this, the entire marriage is thrown off balance. In order for marriage to be the best it can be it requires total commitment, total sacrifice and total love of the marriage covenant.
Photo Credit: NWI Times
Fabian may have not finished this race as he had hope–securing his second gold medal. However, it seems he has his priorities set in a way that is sure to inspire you:
“Fabian Cancellara headed to the hospital for an X-ray scan of his right shoulder.” The Swiss cyclist wept on television after the race was completed.
He recently surprised the cycling world when he pulled out of the Tour de France in the 11th stage for the birth of his second child, saying: “I am not only a bike rider, I am also a husband and father with another baby on the way.”
So as you and your spouse are sitting together watching the Olympics over the course of the next 16 days, let this be a reminder to consider how hard you are giving yourself to the event of your lifetime–your marriage! Who knows? Maybe one day you’ll stand before an angelic host as you hear your Heavenly Father say, “Well done, my good and faithful servant.”
How could you lay your life down today for the good of your spouse? In what ways have been selfishly pursuing your own interests over the good of your marriage? Honestly evaluate the current condition of your marriage and plan time to talk together.
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Don’t forget our Summer Lovin’ Photo Contest taking place now through Labor Day. For details click here.
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This is post #27 in the Ultimate Blog Challenge to post everyday in July.
You’ve heard the classic song, Just A Spoonful of Sugar, sung by Julie Andrews in the Disney movie, Mary Poppins. It speaks of taking a spoonful of sugar to help the bitter taste of medicine “go down.”
Well, we’re not having to take medicine, but Tom being out of a job can feel bitter to a degree. That is if all you think about is what you don’t have or can’t do, etc. So I came up with some “sugar” so to speak, to help Tom as long as he is without a job. Only God knows how long this season will last, but we might as well have some fun with it in the meantime.
I made Tom something I call the Jobless Jar of Adventure. I know it’s corny. Tom rolled his eyes at me too, but the idea is good.
I typed out at least 30 different things we can do together that are free or very inexpensive. Some are things we’ve done before and enjoyed, and some are things we’ve wanted to do, but have never had the chance.
I cut them into strips, folded them, and placed them in the candy jar he used to have on his desk.
I wrote him a letter explaining that when he had a day with nothing to do, or if he was feeling bored or blue, he could take one strip of paper out of the jar for us to do that day. If the adventure listed wasn’t feasible to do that day, he could draw another one–but only once.
I hid the jar with five pennies next to it along with the letter.
I wrote a little note on his bathroom mirror telling him there was a surprise waiting for him and where he could find it.
When he found the jar, he learned he was to drop one penny into the jar each day he was unemployed. But in return he could take one strip of paper out for an adventure to enjoy with me. 🙂
And that’s it. We haven’t had the chance to actually try one of the adventures yet, but we will. So far we have seven pennies and counting…
How do you help your spouse when they’re going through a difficult time? Sometimes a little romance can help brighten their day in a way nothing else could.
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Don’t forget our Summer Lovin’ Photo Contest taking place now through Labor Day. For details click here.
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This is post #26 in the Ultimate Blog Challenge to post everyday in July.
The Romantic Vineyard 