Are You Making This Mistake In Your Marriage?

Posted on June 27, 2016 by Debi Walter

 

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You had a long talk about a goal you both want to accomplish. Plans are set in place to see the goal reached. As the first few steps are taken you realize the goal you had didn’t quite match the goal your spouse had and conflict inevitably ensues.

Tension. How do you navigate a conversation when the tension is mounting?

Case in point–keeping it real…

Tom and I need to have some things done around our house. We need to paint the exterior of our home, and we need a new fence. All of this costs money–a lot of money, so I understand the waiting part of making a decision. We began the process of getting estimates for our fence replacement which led me to believe we would soon make a decision and get this goal accomplished–checked off the list!

This morning we got our last quote. As we talked about the three estimates I discovered Tom’s goal didn’t quite match mine. I am ready to call the fence company with the best quote and get it done. Tom, on the other hand, thinks maybe we should get the house painted first. Which led me to wonder why we didn’t get painting estimates done first.

I must admit my response wasn’t, “Oh, okay. That sounds like a great plan.” No, my first response was more like–well, I’d rather not say–but the good news is that God helped me not stay there.

I’ve learned so many times that when Tom pauses in making a decision, there’s usually a good reason and waiting will prove it. 

Scenarios like these happen far too often in most marriages. We come to think there is no hope for change, so we settle into complacency and acceptance of a behavior that robs us of the joy God intended us to have in marriage. We argue over miscommunicated or non-communicated expectations.

Is there a practical, easy step we can take to help us redirect our thoughts to help us grow and change?

I believe there is a very simple answer to this question, but it isn’t an easy one, it is often the hardest choice for us to make. It’s deferring to your spouse’s desires over your own.

“Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.” – Philippians 2:3-4 ESV

If we were to begin each day with the humble attitude of preferring our spouse over our own desires, we would soon discover that there is a way to live above the norm. And best of all, God has promised to give us a Helper to be with us in those tense moments to counsel and guide our thoughts as well as our words.

Take Action

  • Take this Scripture and paste it all over your house.
  • Let it be the next verse you commit to memory.
  • Cling to it when you’re tempted to react.
  • Trust it to help you mature and become less self-focused.
  • And most importantly, watch what God does in your marriage and in your spouse as you begin preferring them above yourself.

You might be surprised to see a lot more goals being reached because you’re no longer digging your heels in, fighting for what you want.

Agreement is the road to accomplishment, disagreement is a road block. Choose to agree for the change you want to see!

 

 

Posted in Biblical Encouragement, Christian Marriage, communication, Conflict, Keeping It Real | Tagged , , , | Comments Off on Are You Making This Mistake In Your Marriage?

Happy Hour

Posted on June 24, 2016 by Debi Walter

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I must apologize for my absence the past couple of weeks. Living in Orlando, we’ve experienced three tragic circumstances that have left us feeling numb. Add to this some of our dearest friend’s daughter got engaged here last weekend and we were privileged to host the celebrations. It has been an emotional roller coaster, quite literally. God has helped us and He is preparing us for our upcoming vacation, where we can’t wait to rest and relax together–alone.

No worries though, we’re planning to pull from some of the best of our Vintage Posts for your encouragement while we’re away. Keep those home fires burning–no matter how hot your Summer is. Our thermometer says “99” right now. Ugh! Thanking God for the blessing of central air in our home.

Enjoy these special posts when you have some time to read them in their entirety.

Hot, Holy and Humorous

  • Do Women Like Sex?<<What do you think? J does an excellent job nailing the answer, and she provides Scripture to back her view.

Marriage365

Orlando Date Night Guide

Paul Tripp Ministries

  • 10 Years, 10 Blessings<<Paul Tripp has been one of the most influential ministers of the Gospel of Jesus Christ in our life and marriage. We have had the privilege to thank him in person for his transparency, honesty and love of our Savior. Read this post to get a glimpse into the life and heart of this man. Then go buy his books!
Posted in Blog Love, Christian Marriage, Happy Hour | Comments Off on Happy Hour

“It’s Not What I Thought It Would Be!”

Posted on June 17, 2016 by Debi Walter

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All marriages at some point come to this conclusion. You never expected it to look like this, and how did you get here in the first place? It’s certainly not what you thought it would be.

Where’s the romance?

Where’s the kindness?

Where’s the thoughtfulness?

Where’s the closeness?

Where’s the companionship?

Many couples find these questions disturbing at the least and some even would say devastating. If you think you’re the only one who has ever had this thought, you can reach a wrong conclusion that something is terribly wrong with your marriage. While these feelings point to a place that needs attention–and right away–it doesn’t mean your marriage is on the road to failure unless you do like many couples do and ignore it.

Think of these questions as a traffic signal.

green-light

You expected all green lights on the road to marital bliss. You determined from the beginning that your marriage wouldn’t be like other’s who you’ve seen struggle and eventually fail. Your love was too strong. This what all you thought needed to succeed–a willingness to move forward.

Then the light changes to yellow.

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We all know this means caution, but when it comes to marriage many ignore the caution light. Instead of slowing down with care, you push the pedal to the medal and speed through, thinking that slowing down would cause you to lose your momentum. The only problem with this thinking is that you are speeding full speed ahead to a collision.

A caution light in marriage may look like this:

  • You’re not connecting like you used to.
  • Your communication is limited and not happening on a daily basis.
  • You are distracted by work demands and parenting demands.
  • You have been sick for an extended period of time allowing a relational distance to set in.
  • You have sex rarely and when you do, its a quickie.
  • You can’t remember the last time you had time together just the two of you.

If any of these describe your current status, you are in a season of caution. You have two choices–to ignore the light and continue the way you’re going. Or you can stop.

You may ask, “Ok, but if I stop then what? I don’t like what I’m seeing and I don’t know how to change it. Isn’t it better to keep moving? At least we’re going somewhere, right?”

Wrong! Sure you’re heading somewhere, but it isn’t good. Far too many couples get way down the road only to discover they’re not on the same road anymore. The caution light was actually a fork in the road and if you don’t stop to communicate about where you want your marriage to be in five years, you are likely to cause even more distance between where you are and where you had hoped to be.

red light

Use the red light to your advantage.

  • Plan some time to talk without distractions.
  • Be willing to listen more than you talk.
  • Ask good questions and don’t assume that what your spouse shares with you at first is what is really bothering them.
  • If you can’t reach a place of understanding, ask for help. There is nothing wrong with stopping to ask for directions. It’s true that many don’t like doing this, and it reveals another problem that should be addressed–pride. Being confident, no matter how sincere, only helps if you’re going in the right direction. Confidence in confidence alone is foolish. Be wise and pursue the help of others.
  • Plan to return to some of the things you did when you first fell in love: small acts of kindness, regular dates, sending unexpected notes of appreciation, noticing the little things your spouse does for you and your family. Be grateful and show it!

Doing these things will do more than you realize to help your marriage continue to grow and mature. We’ve heard it said, and we couldn’t agree more…

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So don’t look at a yellow light or red light as a failure in your marriage. It’s a healthy place to stop and reevaluate your marriage journey.

 

Posted in Christian Marriage, Conflict, Difficulty, Growing Strong Marriages, Keeping It Real, Troubled Marriage | Tagged | Comments Off on “It’s Not What I Thought It Would Be!”

The Grieving Continues…

Posted on June 15, 2016 by Debi Walter

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Heavenly Father,

Our hearts are broken. We ask that you comfort the families of those facing the worst of news this week–the loss of a loved one forever. We ask that you help our local law enforcement officers as well as the medical staff at area hospitals to do their job to the best of their ability. Help them endure the investigation with their full capacity. Thank you for the way they have devoted their lives to be prepared in situations like these.

We pray for Christina Grimmies’ family who today, is having to let go of their hopes and dreams for their 22-year-old daughter. We pray for her brother who did all he could possibly do to protect his sister, yet to no avail. Thank you for using him and his bravery to save the lives of countless other victims who witnessed this horrific crime. We pray for help and for peace.

We also pray for the families of the 49 victims gunned down in the Pulse nightclub massacre. The names and faces will forever be etched in our hearts and minds. Such young potential for life lost forever. We ask that You help those who are still living to deal with the reality that they survived but their friends didn’t. Protect them from unnecessary guilt in that regard. We also pray for the medical teams who are still on duty trying to help the critically injured survive. Bring healing to their wounds, we ask.

We pray as well today for the Nebraska family of the little 2-year old boy who was snatched by a 7-8 ft. alligator at Walt Disney’s Grand Floridian Resort last night. Help our over-extended law enforcement agencies give them their full attention. Help them find this gator so it can be killed and prevented from stalking other humans. Such a horrible experience for this young family who was on vacation in our city.

God help us, comfort us, heal us, and draw our hearts to You, our only hope in such difficult times. 

In Jesus’ Precious Name,

Amen.

Posted in Death and Grieving, Difficulty, Prayer, Seasons of Life | Tagged , , , | 1 Comment

The City Beautiful Turned Mournful 

Posted on June 12, 2016 by Debi Walter


We awoke this morning to devastating news in our city–The city where I was born and raised; The city where Tom and I were married; The city where our three children were born and raised as well.

Our city has faced a dark night–two in fact this weekend, and our hearts are broken. 

Facebook and the Internet are swarming with speculations as to what happened and why. Many are quick to point a finger of judgment. Really? At a time of such horrific events, let’s stay focused on what matters. People who were living and breathing on Friday afternoon are no longer here. Their lives were taken from them at the hateful hand of another. This has been marked the worst mass shooting in American history, and it happened in the city where dreams are supposed to come true!


Our hearts and prayers go out to all who are mourning this loss on a personal level. May God comfort you as you walk this road. 

This is not a time to cast judgment. Nor is it a time to make jokes. We are in mourning as a city, as a nation. If it had happened to one of your loved ones how would you want to be treated? Let’s respect these victims with the same love and concern. 

May the unchanging God bless us and keep us walking close to Him as we face these uncertain days.

Posted in Christian Marriage | 1 Comment

Happy Hour

Posted on June 10, 2016 by Debi Walter

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Hard to believe it’s Friday already. There are some really special posts this week you won’t want to miss. Set aside some time with your favorite drink and enjoy!

Hot, Holy and Humorous

  • Why Sex Should Be Hot, Holy and Humorous<<J revisits why this is the theme of her blog because her new book has just hit the market! Congratulations, J. I pray your book will find its place in the hearts of many marriages changed for God’s glory. You are a gift to us!

The Generous Wife – Special Happy Birthday to you, Lori! 🙂

  • His Voice Counts<<Lori reminds us the importance of believing our husband when he compliments us. It matters more than we know!

To Love, Honor And Vacuum

The XY Code

  • What Buttons Would You Each Like?<<This is such a simple exercise, but may just be the catalyst you need to truly understand each other. Give it a shot–you’ve got nothing to lose.
Posted in Blog Love, Happy Hour | Tagged , | 2 Comments

Vintage Post – Wisdom Is Speaking

Posted on June 10, 2016 by Debi Walter
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Originally posted 3.5.2010

Wisdom from 170 years ago still speaks as clearly today. If you have found a husband/wife with whom to share life’s journey, you have within reach the ability to be the happiest of all earthly creatures. Marriage is a gift! Celebrate the good God has given you in your spouse! Enjoy this quote:

The purest happiness of an earthly nature, is that which springs up in a comfortable home, where there is a loving union of hearts between man and wife.

The tender sympathies,
the delicate affections,
the minute attentions,
the watchful solicitudes,
the ceaseless kindnesses of marital love,
–are the sweetest ingredients in the cup of life, and contribute a thousand times more to earthly enjoyment, than all the possessions of wealth, and all the blandishments of rank, station, and fashion.”

by John Angell James, 1841

Think of it – when we treat our spouse with such care we are cultivating an environment where happiness thrives.  This weekend, let’s look for ways to offer:

  • tender sympathies – listening with ears and eyes to what concerns them
  • delicate affections – offering unexpected hugs, kisses and caresses
  • minute attentions – bring them their favorite drink, slippers or reading material
  • watchful solicitudes – sharing your care and concern for their growth in godliness – areas they may not see
  • ceaseless kindnesses of marital love – pursue them, be the initiator and throw of all inhibitions when it comes to loving your spouse

If you’re reading this – God has determined for you to be the one who starts!  We can play the game “They should go first – I want them to do this for me! I deserve it.”  The Bible instructs us with how to handle thoughts like these:

“So whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them…”

Matthew 7:12 ESV

Wisdom is speaking – are we listening?

Posted in Christian Marriage | Comments Off on Vintage Post – Wisdom Is Speaking

It’s About TIME!

Posted on June 8, 2016 by Debi Walter

You’re most likely familiar with Jim Croce’s #1 single from the 70’s, Time In A Bottle. If you’re not, you need to be! It’s one of those songs that communicates the value of lasting love. This man shares his desire to save time in a bottle just so he can spend it with his love and to make all her dreams come true.

If I could make days last forever
If words could make wishes come true
I’d save every day like a treasure and then
Again, I would spend them with you

Of course, once you have a few years of marriage under your belt and few kids running around your feet, it’s easy to lose sight of such passion, but it doesn’t have to be that way. Why not communicate your love for your spouse by planning this unique and fun date night as a way of reminding them of your love.

“It’s About Time” Date Night Idea – 

  • Wake your spouse up and let them know “it’s about TIME” you did something special with a flirty smile. You can choose what that something special is–fix them breakfast in bed, bring them coffee, take a shower with them when they’re not expecting you to do so, or make love to start off the day. 🙂 Next…
  • Each hour of the day (TIME slots) provide another reminder to them that you’re thinking of them and your date that night. Ideas: Give them a bottle filled with little notes with the hour marked outside of when they should open it. You could provide: 10 reasons you love them, 10 reasons you’re grateful for them, 10 memories you share since you’ve been together, or 10 Bible verses to encourage them. Or you could have each note offer one word of a sentence they’ll piece together as the day passes. Give the words out of order to make it more challenging. Next…
  • When your spouse arrives home give them TIME alone to relax with their favorite drink and a copy of the New York TIMES, or when you arrive home give your spouse TIME to relax with TIME in their favorite magazine or book. Next…
  • If you’re able to get a babysitter, go out and reminisce about some of your favorite TIMES together. Or visit a local cathedral that’s having a concert on the hour. **Bonus if the cathedral has a clock tower that strikes on the hour.** Next…
  • If you’re staying home, after the kids are in bed watch a movie involving time–Back To The Future is a good choice or another old classic: Somewhere In TIME.

The most important thing to remember with this date is making the most of your TIME together. We never know how long we have. Let’s not waste our TIME doing things that won’t matter in the long run. Our marriage is worth our TIME.

NOTE: When Jim Croce wrote these words he had no idea that his life would end tragically in a plane crash at the age of 30. He left behind a wife and son who still reside in San Diego, CA.

Posted in Creative Dates, Date Night Ideas, Dating Your Spouse, Fun Dates, Love Songs, Music | Tagged , , | Comments Off on It’s About TIME!

Hidden Fears That Haunted Me

Posted on June 6, 2016 by Debi Walter
Photo Credit: mikehawkey.com

Photo Credit: mikehawkey.com

We had been married for a few years, yet Tom still didn’t know something significant about me.

I had managed to keep this part of my life hidden from him because I was embarrassed about it. I kept thinking to myself, “Debi, you’re a grown woman. You have children of your own. You need to stop feeling this way.” But none of my lectures worked. It wasn’t that I purposed not to tell him, but I certainly didn’t look for opportunities to share this part of my life with him. What was my secret?

I was afraid of the dark.

At the time we lived in a split-level home, which meant the bedrooms were on one level–the kitchen and living rooms were on another–and our garage was on the bottom level under our bedrooms, which also held our washer and dryer. This meant I had to go down two flights of stairs to do the laundry. Being that I was secretly afraid of the dark, I managed to get all the laundry finished and put away before the sun went down. I faced a constant battle with this fear. Nothing I said helped me reason with it. Even praying for God to help me seemed to produce no release from its grip.

There were horrifying times at night when Tom would end up going to our bedroom before me and he’d holler downstairs, “Turn off the lights when you come up!” Nothing horrible about that request really, except that meant I had to ascend the stairs with the darkness nipping at my heels. I honestly felt as if something was going to bite me.

It was after one of those experiences that I asked myself, “What are you really afraid of?” I wasn’t afraid that someone would break into our home and harm me. No, I was afraid of those things that weren’t limited to locked doors and windows. When I realized this was the case, I knew my struggle was a spiritual one, and I had to tell Tom.

I grew up being teased about things like this, so I was nervous telling Tom. What if he teased me too? What if he discounted what I was feeling and told me it would be ok. Then what? I had to take this step in faith and ask for his help.

When I told him, he immediately led me to the stairs. We sat down together on the steps, he took my hand and prayed for me. He went to battle with the enemy that had been robbing me of the peace that God has promised those who love Him. His prayer was the kindest and most caring gesture I had ever experienced from him in our short time of being married. He truly loved me enough to help me overcome my fear, and it worked! After his prayer, I never experienced that fear chasing me again. Thank you, God!

As a teenager I had played around with the occult in a recreational kind of way, and I believe this is when I began experiencing my fear of the dark. This is why to this day Tom guards what I watch on TV, even having me close my eyes for some of the commercials that come on. He helps keep me from being exposed again to any form of this fear, and I can honestly say it has worked.

God has proven to me the truths of these two scriptures:

“Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.” – James 4:7 ESV

“Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.” – James 5:16

This is one way we can serve our spouse by joining with them to fight our common enemy–the devil.

He would like nothing more than to keep us isolated in our battles against sin because he knows it limits our power. Like a sheep that has gone astray is easy prey for a hungry wolf, so too, are we when we choose to fight our battles alone.

I encourage you to keep nothing hidden from your spouse. If you’re struggling with an on-going sin or temptation to sin, they need to know. Allow them to come alongside you and help you approach the Throne of Grace in your time of need. This is one of the benefits of being one flesh–my struggle has become his struggle and together God has helped me overcome the enemy of my soul.

How has your spouse helped you face similar battles?

 

Posted in Christian Marriage, communication, Difficulty, Encouraging Your Spouse, Growing Strong Marriages, Testimonies | Tagged , , , , | 5 Comments

Happy Hour

Posted on June 3, 2016 by Debi Walter

 

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Is it Friday already? The week that starts with a holiday always seems to go faster, doesn’t it? Take some time this weekend and invest in helping your marriage grow. Here are our specials of the week for your reading enjoyment…

Hot, Holy and Humorous 

The XY Code

  • Tease Him Till He Begs<<Paul, The Generous Husband, also has this blog which is devoted to helping wives understand their husband in regard to sexual intimacy. He tells it like it is, which can be disarming but very helpful.
  • Maybe You Should Come Last<<More great advice and help.

To Love, Honor And Vacuum

Posted in Blog Love, Christian Marriage, Growing Strong Marriages, Happy Hour, Sexual Intimacy | Comments Off on Happy Hour

Never Stop – A Love Song For You To Send

Posted on June 3, 2016 by Debi Walter

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Today is a great day to send a special love note to your spouse. Let this post be your envelope, and the following video your heart communicated through song.

Most marriages fail not because of huge conflicts, but because of many moments missed to honor, love and cherish your spouse. Don’t let the trouble you face dim the love and commitment you gave to your spouse when you said I Do. Take an ordinary day, like today, and make it special by sending this love note…

Posted in Christian Marriage, Encouraging Your Spouse, Growing Strong Marriages, Love Songs, Music | Tagged , , , | Comments Off on Never Stop – A Love Song For You To Send

Pinched Nerve

Posted on June 1, 2016 by Debi Walter

Bride and Groom

Tom has been struggling with a pinched nerve in his back the past couple of days. It’s making normal tasks nearly impossible because he gets a sharp stab saying, “No, you don’t!” I hate seeing him in pain, and I’m doing everything I can to relieve his discomfort. But some things just take time, patience and lots of prayer!

It’s made me think about another kind of pinched nerve many marriages endure–you know those subjects that you simply can’t talk about without a stabbing pain of some sort.

Most couples if they’re honest, will admit that there are topics they just avoid–at all costs! Like Tom trying to find just the right position where he doesn’t feel the pinch.

Some might be:

  • Finances>>how you spend your money, how you track it, or how you make it.
  • Sexual Intimacy>>how often, what is okay and what is off limits, or your refusal to discuss it at all because it’s too embarrassing.
  • Children>>how to discipline them, what church to attend, how to provide for them, or disagreement about the priority they hold in your relationship.
  • In-Laws>>how much time you’re together, how much input they have in your decisions, or failing to leave and cleave.
  • Spiritual Intimacy>>how your spouse does or doesn’t pursue a deeper relationship with God.

These are a few of the ones we’ve heard about and counseled couples regarding.

So I ask you–Is your marriage enduring a pinched nerve?

How I pray not, but if it is ignoring it won’t make it better. You may not feel the pinch as readily when you avoid the topic, but once you go there–the pain returns with a vengeance.

I gave Tom a muscle relaxer this morning to see if it will help his inflamed nerve calm down, as well as applying a regular compress of ice to reduce the swelling. It seems to be working because he’s up and moving about without wincing in pain. He says he can still feel it but it’s not taking him to his knees.

I encourage you to do the same in your marriage. A great muscle relaxer for unresolved conflict is prayer. Only God can help you both look at the situation from a different perspective. God brought the two of you together in order to help you both be better people as a result of your spouse’s influence in your life. How much are you willing to let them have the needed input for you to change and grow?

I know this isn’t easy. It’s hard to let your guard down when you’ve experienced such pain in the past. But this is what our marriage vows meant we must do–to be committed to each other for richer OR POORER, IN SICKNESS and in health, for better OR WORSE.

How willing are you to do the hard thing and work together toward relieving the cause of the pinched nerve in your marriage? 

 

Posted in Christian Marriage, communication, Conflict | Tagged , , | 5 Comments

Let’s Not Forget This Memorial Day What Matters Most!

Posted on May 30, 2016 by Debi Walter
Posted in Celebrations, Holidays, Memorial Day | Tagged | 2 Comments

Happy Hour

Posted on May 27, 2016 by Debi Walter

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I want to start out this week’s Happy Hour specials by telling you of a new page on FaceBook that highlights all the Christian Marriage Bloggers of whom we highly recommend. This is a place you can go with confidence and know that the marriage advice and encouragement you find will be Biblical and helpful. We hope you’ll take some time and check it out…

Christian Marriage Bloggers Association (CMBA) Facebook page

Hot, Holy and Humorous

Journey To Surrender

The Generous Husband

Posted in Blog Love, Christian Marriage, Happy Hour, Intimacy, Priorities, Sexual Intimacy | Comments Off on Happy Hour

Love Songs With A Message

Posted on May 27, 2016 by Debi Walter
Photo Credit: Us The Duo

Photo Credit: Us The Duo

If you’ve read our blog for long, you know that I absolutely love music, especially when the song has a deep meaning worth pondering. Worship is the best for touching the heart in a way no other music can, because it is dear to the heart of God. But next on my list after worship songs are love songs that cause me to celebrate and make the most of what we’ve been given in our marriage.

Do you have a favorite love song that’s yours alone? Whenever you hear the song on the radio does time stop for a moment as you remember where you were and what you were doing when you heard it for the first time years ago?

I love how music transcends time.

I just heard an acappella rendition of Meghan Trainor’s song, I’m Gonna Love You Like I’m Gonna Lose You, by Us The Duo. The vocals are spot on, the acoustics are mesmerizing, and the song makes you want to stop everything in order to fully appreciate your spouse for who they are to you. I’ve added the lyrics below the video so you are sure to understand every single word!

What are some of your favorite love songs with a message?

Happy Friday–Make it a romantic celebration!

I found myself dreaming
In silver and gold
Like a scene from a movie
That every broken heart knows we were walking on moonlight
And you pulled me close
Split second and you disappeared and then I was all alone

I woke up in tears
With you by my side
A breath of relief
And I realized
No, we’re not promised tomorrow

So I’m gonna love you
Like I’m gonna lose you
I’m gonna hold you
Like I’m saying goodbye wherever we’re standing
I won’t take you for granted ’cause we’ll never know when
When we’ll run out of time so I’m gonna love you
Like I’m gonna lose you
I’m gonna love you like I’m gonna lose you

In the blink of an eye
Just a whisper of smoke
You could lose everything
The truth is you never know

So I’ll kiss you longer baby
Any chance that I get
I’ll make the most of the minutes and love with no regrets

Let’s take our time
To say what we want
Use what we got
Before it’s all gone
‘Cause no, we’re not promised tomorrow

So I’m gonna love you
Like I’m gonna lose you
I’m gonna hold you
Like I’m saying goodbye wherever we’re standing
I won’t take you for granted ’cause we’ll never know when
When we’ll run out of time so I’m gonna love you
Like I’m gonna lose you
I’m gonna love you like I’m gonna lose you

Hey
Whoa

I’m gonna love you
Like I’m gonna lose you
I’m gonna hold you
Like I’m saying goodbye wherever we’re standing
I won’t take you for granted ’cause we’ll never know when
When we’ll run out of time so I’m gonna love you
Like I’m gonna lose you
I’m gonna love you like I’m gonna lose you

Posted in Love Songs, Music, Romance in Marriage | 2 Comments

Taking The Next Step

Posted on May 25, 2016 by Debi Walter
Photo Credit: Jake Adams

Photo Credit: Jake Adams

We love the journey Jake and Rachel are taking across the Appalachian Trail and think it provides an excellent metaphor for marriage.

Think about it. We are like two hikers traveling terrain where we have never walked. There are moments which take our breath away, and times when we don’t think we can take another step. There are times when we get off the marked path into thick patches of fallen leaves and wonder which way we should go, and other times when we get bored with the same old scenery. The trail is oftentimes unpredictably different, yet other times the same boring path.

How do we stay committed to the journey when facing so many varied obstacles? 

Jake and Rachel planned to make this trip over two years ago, but their path took an unexpected direction when they discovered they were expecting their first baby. It was an exciting detour on their path. But it didn’t last…

When their son was born prematurely and diagnosed with a fatal condition, they knew their time with him would be short, but precious. I can only imagine the pain and heartache they endured during those difficult steps of their journey. But one thing remained sure for them! God was with them leading them through every painful step. He helped them find the hope and comfort they needed to continue moving forward.

It’s like this with all marriages. We find ourselves in situations we never would choose, yet God teaches us things about ourselves and His faithfulness and character that we would not learn in any other way. We find it possible to thank Him for it, a miracle indeed.

I have never hiked a long journey like Jake and Rachel, but Tom and I have been on our marriage journey for over 37 years now. We have faced steep inclines, difficult conversations where we didn’t agree on the next step, as well as smooth and pleasant paths. Looking back it’s all been worth it because of who we’ve become in the process, and more importantly how we see God through all of it.

I don’t think Jake and Rachel will be the same when they take their last step in Maine sometime this Fall. They will have met new people, shared their story with strangers, been encouraged by surprising events and discovered more about each other’s strengths and weaknesses than they knew before the journey began. But most importantly they will learn more about God and His way of leading them through all things like a good Shepherd. They will carry what they learn on this journey with them for the rest of their lives.

How about you? What has God taught you thus far on your marriage journey? Have you taken good notes and maybe even a few pictures to help you remember? Or are you struggling to see God’s hand in the situations you’ve faced.

“God is our refuge and strength [mighty and impenetrable], a very present and well-proved help in trouble.” – Psalm 46:1 (AMP)

Oswald Chambers provides some godly wisdom for us to consider:

We have the idea that God is going to do some exceptional thing–that He is preparing and equipping us for some extraordinary work in the future. But as we grow in His grace we find that God is glorifying Himself here and now, at this very  moment. If we have God’s assurance behind us, the most amazing strength becomes ours, and we learn to sing, glorifying Him even in the ordinary days and ways of life.”

We encourage you to support Jake and Rachel on their journey. But don’t make light of what God is doing today in your own marriage. He is committed to making your relationship the best it can be. All we have to do is cooperate with His Spirit and do those things He calls us to do–like taking the next step!

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Hike And Tell – A Journey Of A Lifetime

Posted on May 23, 2016 by Debi Walter

Jake and Rachel

It was a typical day for my ladies’ retreat at our cabin. We had taken an afternoon trip to Mast General Store to do some shopping when I met them–Jake and Rachel–a young couple who have launched a journey of a lifetime. After chatting for a few minutes I knew that I wanted to share their story, so I asked their permission. With enthusiasm they responded YES!

Jake and Rachel will celebrate their 5th wedding anniversary while on their hike, despite the fact that they have experienced heartache that would devastate many relationships. Their first baby was born with a life-threatening disease that took his young life after only 6 days. Listen to what they share on their website hikeandtell.com

On March 27, 2016, Jake and I will be setting out from Amicalola Falls State Park to start our journey of thru-hiking the Appalachian Trail from Georgia to Maine. We are dedicating this hike to our precious son, Nicholas Emerson Adams.

Initially, Jake and I intended to thru-hike the Appalachian Trail starting the spring of 2014. However, during the planning phase of the trip in the winter of 2013, we found out that God had another exciting plan for us.

Fast forward 7 months, God blessed us with our beautiful baby boy on June 29, 2014. Nicholas was heartbreakingly diagnosed with neonatal hemochromatosis, and after the hardest week of our lives, our son went to be with the Lord on July 5, 2014.

The doctors, nurses and healthcare team at Levine Children’s Hospital provided the upmost care to our family during that life changing time. As we embark on our thru-hike this coming spring, we want to honor Nicholas and show our deepest thanks by giving back to Levine Children’s Hospital.

Ways We Need Support

1.Support us in prayer. Hiking the Appalachian Trail is one of the biggest challenges we have ever signed up for and we are asking for your prayers as we go along this journey. The Appalachian Trail attracts people from all walks of life who are out searching for answers and meaning. We pray that God will present us with opportunities to share our testimony and the Gospel during our hike.

2.Make a donation. Our goal is to raise $2,189.10 for the Levine Children’s Hospital NICU. We chose this number because it is the exact number of miles we will hike from Georgia to Maine. If you would like to help us support the Levine NICU, you can donate here.

3.Like and follow us on social media. We need your help to spread the word about our blog and our cause for hiking the Appalachian Trail. We’ll be posting weekly videos so that you can follow along with us!

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4.Support us financially. We greatly appreciate any size gift to help us hike the Appalachian Trail. If you are interested in blessing us with a financial gift, send us an email at rachel@hikeandtell.com for more information.

As you can see they desire to take a very difficult season of their lives and turn it around for God’s glory and to help others in the process. We commend them for their courage, their dedication and most of all their love of the Savior. He alone makes beauty out of our ashes.

In loving memory of our son Nicholas Emerson Adams, 6/29/14-7/5/14.

“I want to tell you about his life and the impact that he has had over me. Nicholas was amazing. He just was. From the moment he was born he showed more strength than all the strength I have ever had all put together at one time. But most importantly my son pointed me to Jesus in a way that I have never been before…So I may not ever know until I am in Heaven why exactly God brought our baby to Him, but I do know that because I love God and am called to his purpose all this will work together for good. Which tells me God’s plan is better than mine. I don’t see it right now, but that doesn’t mean it will never be revealed.”
– an excerpt from his eulogy, 7/12/14

We pray that God may be honored in all that we do.

Jake and Rachel Adams

We encourage you to follow this young couple on their journey, and if God so leads, support them on their mission.

Happy Trails, Jake and Rachel, and may God teach you more about Him as you walk this path through His creation. We’re praying for you both!

Posted in A Marriage Flight, Blog Love, Christian Marriage, Death and Grieving, Difficulty, Growing Strong Marriages, Seasons of Life | Tagged , , , , , | 5 Comments

Vintage Post – I’m Exhausted Part II

Posted on May 18, 2016 by Debi Walter
originally posted July 18, 2012

originally posted July 18, 2012

This is Part 2 of our series titled, Diapers, Toddlers & Romance, Oh My, where we are talking about how to keep the home fires burning in the midst of raising a family. Yesterday we began by talking about the element of exhaustion all parents face. But what happens when…

You’re Both Exhausted – What Then?

It’s easy to pick up the slack when your spouse is having a rough day or week. But when it happens to both of you at the same time this can be a real challenge. If you go into this season unaware or without any idea of how to handle it, most likely the romantic element of your relationship will suffer. Feelings will get hurt, misunderstandings will occur, and distance will be unavoidable. This is the worst thing that can happen when you’re both in need of drawing closer together. Here are some things you can do if you find yourself in this place:

  • Spend time talking about what you’re currently dealing with. It’s easy to assume your spouse knows how you feel, but in reality they can’t read your mind. You have to tell them.
  • Then, listen to your spouse tell you what they’re dealing with. Being on the same page requires you to take time to hear what they have to say. It’s surprising that communication is one of the first things to go when conflict arises. Our default is too often to give a cold shoulder. Avoid this tendency, for it only complicates the conflict.
  • Think about your expectations. What is it you are hoping your spouse will do for you? Or what is it you wish would change? If it is possible, then talk together about how you might achieve it. If the change isn’t possible, then be willing to let go of the expectation.
  • Remember the things you love most about your spouse. In times of exhaustion it’s easy to only see the bad and ignore the good. Philippians 4:8 says:

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.
(Philippians 4:8 ESV)

  • Finally, and most importantly, pray together about your weakness. Paul instructs us:

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
(2 Corinthians 12:9 ESV)

Having a healthy marriage doesn’t mean you’ll be free from trouble…

…It only means you’ll most likely know how to handle the trouble you’ll certainly face. When the situation we’re in seems too much to handle, it’s a good indication we’re attempting to do things in our own strength. God opposes the proud, but give grace to the humble. We must recognize our inability to do what we’ve been called to do. Cry out to God with your spouse and watch the Lord do through you what you never thought was possible.

There is nothing like noticing yourself responding to a situation with grace and kindness when you know you would normally respond in frustration and anger. This is an evidence of God’s grace at work in your life. He uses this season most to mold us into Christ-likeness because our children and our exhaustion reveals who we really are. We can’t hide in the midst of such tension. The good news is that this is the first step in finding help and hope to change.

Romance in marriage isn’t the feel good, violins playing with candlelight flickering in the background kind of feeling. No, it’s choosing to treat your spouse in a kind and loving way when they’re acting in an unkind and unloving way. This is the model Christ has given us for how to treat others, and no other person is more important than the father or mother of your children.

Now, go take a nap–or let your spouse take one–you decide!

Free image courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Posted in Christian Marriage, Conflict, Diapers, Toddlers & Romance, Oh My, Encouraging Your Spouse, Keeping It Real, Parenting, Seasons of Life | Tagged , | Comments Off on Vintage Post – I’m Exhausted Part II

Vintage Post – I’m Exhausted Part I

Posted on May 16, 2016 by Debi Walter
originally posted July 17, 2012

originally posted July 17, 2012

It’s amazing how much energy is required to raise a family, yet with each baby that’s born time doesn’t slow down. It marches on whether you’re in step or not. How can a couple continue to make the most of their marriage relationship when their children demand so much so much of the time. It would be easy to give up.

This is why we’re focusing an entire week on this topic. Our prayer is that you’ll actually have time to read our posts. We promise to make our ideas quick to read, easy to implement and with no guilt attached.

Part 1 – I’m Exhausted

Having babies, nursing babies, potty training toddlers and disciplining young children take a lot of commitment and hard work. It is part of the job parents must embrace from life’s first cry. For those who aren’t prepared for the work, it can leave your relationship on the back burner where romance can quickly cool.

How do you keep the romance alive without neglecting your children? We believe it’s not as difficult as it sounds. The key is kindness. Be aware of the needs your spouse has each day, and do all in your power to treat them kindly offering to help if possible.

Husbands of Exhausted Wives:

  • Offer to take the kids so your wife can do whatever she wants, sleep, shop, cook, etc. The idea is to give her time to enjoy the quiet.
  • Clean the kitchen for her or another household chore she dreads doing, or just hasn’t had time to get to.
  • Take the nighttime duty for her one night so she can get a full night’s sleep.
  • Comfort her by listening and understanding her frustrations. Don’t be quick to offer a solution either. Many times she isn’t looking for an answer–just someone to understand her struggle.
  • Don’t lead the conversation or reply by saying, “if you would only do…” This is guaranteed to be received in the wrong way. When your wife is exhausted is not the time to address an area in need of improvement, unless of course, you’re willing to do it for her for a season.
  • Take the lead in dealing with unruly children and handling the discipline when you’re around. If your wife stays at home all day with the children she has been doing this for hours. Not only will you bless your wife, but your children will benefit from having your involvement.

Wives of Exhausted Husbands:

  •  Give your husband time to be alone when he comes home from work. Make it a set amount of time–say, 30 minutes, so he can readjust his focus from work to home.
  • Welcome him home each night by teaching the children to anticipate Daddy’s home!
  • If a neat and clean house is appreciated by him, make sure the main room and your bedroom is in order when he comes home.
  • Do one of his chores for him.
  • Make his favorite meal so he smells it when he walks in the door.
  • Give him a night out with the guys.

But what about when you’re BOTH exhausted? We’ll talk about that tomorrow.

Free image courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Posted in Christian Marriage, Diapers, Toddlers & Romance, Oh My, Keeping It Real, Parenting, Seasons of Life | Tagged , | Comments Off on Vintage Post – I’m Exhausted Part I

Vintage Post – The Good, The Bad and the Ugly

Posted on May 13, 2016 by Debi Walter

 

Vintage Post

originally posted July 23, 2009

bad day

Believe it or not, I haven’t felt very romantic lately.  Disappointments, unexpected news, interruptions, sickness, accidents – Life!  It happens to all of us at one time or another.  For some it can seem like a revolving door of trouble.  Who feels like romance then?  Certainly not me – that is left to myself.

This is why we must have a conviction of pursuing our spouses romantically, so we won’t be led by the urgent.  Instead we will commit our lives to that which is most important.  Circumstances are ever changing;  Children grow up and move away;  Jobs and addresses change; But for all our days in this life our spouses will be there “for better or worse”.

Romance isn’t only for the “better” days.  It is actually more meaningful on the worst of days.  It has been my experience whenever Tom and I are facing huge difficulties in our relationship, the simple act of him lighting a candle and drawing a hot bath for me carries much more meaning than when all is fine in our world.  Why?  Because I know this time he is loving me even when I don’t deserve it.   How like our Savior this is – at our worst He pursued us and loved us.   And it’s moments like these that my defenses drop and my heart is drawn to my husband despite my feelings.

Romance isn’t only about planning great dates (although we love this part of it).  It’s about expressing love to one another in the midst of a busy life – the good, the bad and the ugly!

 

Posted in Christian Marriage | 2 Comments