Love Song Letter

Posted on October 11, 2011 by Debi Walter

Photo Credit: Tom's Jukebox Resource Centre

Tom and I started dating in June of 1978.  We were married in February of 1979, which gave me the idea of writing him a love letter using titles from the love songs of the 70’s. I plan to give it to him tonight on our date night – see if you can find all of them.  The answers will be posted in on our FB page on Wednesday.

Dear Tom,

My eyes adored you from the moment we met. You were like a bridge over troubled water.  I knew from our first date that you’re the one that I want.  I couldn’t wait for you to ring my bell on my private phone line so we could plan the next time when we would be reunited. I whispered, Baby come back!

When you told me I was three times a lady and that our time together lifted you higher and higher, I felt as though I had a night fever. It was then when I discovered I like dreamin’. One night at seventeen I even heard a Fifth of Beethoven in the background as I slept and many other silly love songs. My love the first time ever I saw your face you were killing me softly in the playground of my mind.

You called me Sunshine. On my shoulders and on my head raindrops keep fallin’. I am an American woman and even still many times Mama told me not to come to Bradenton to see you. How I longed to be close to you!  Yet, I was alone again naturally, until five months later we were married and you gave me a brand new key to your heart and your home. I would never have to face life without you.

I know I will survive whatever God sends our way, but seriously, we must make exercising a priority.  Have you considered the YMCA instead of the RDV? I know you’re torn between two. Lovers must make the choice of stayin alive, which I’m so grateful we have.

Tom, you light up my life, and you make my aging heart evergreen. There can never be too much Heaven, for as we dream of heaven the very thought fills us both with emotion. I want to kiss you all over. Maybe tonight’s the night when we can play that funky music and I’ll pretend I’m your dancing queen. 🙂

Babe, I want you to know that you can lean on me. Others said go away little girl, but you said let’s stay together, and we have for 32 years now.  I’m so glad I gotcha baby, and together we have faced seasons in the sun. Love’s theme in our lives is like a locomotion following a shining star.

The best of my love has always been reserved for only you. It may be just my imagination, but I thought I heard you knock three times just now, yet I know you are at work. As I type I see the band of gold that you gave to me on our wedding day.  Inside is etched TRW to DGW 2-24-79. I remember the way we were, but even more I love the way we are.

Thank you.  We’ve been gone so much I’m ready for you to take me home.  Country roads are inviting, especially with the fall leaves. But the time has come to kiss and say goodbye to our sweet grandchildren. We must pick up the pieces of toys they’ve scattered all over the place. Together we have enjoyed watching the shining star with them out the back window of their house, while we sang them the ABC song.

No matter the changes in our life we must trust God and let it be.

I love you so much, and I am happy to be

Yours forever,

Debi

So tell us the number of songs you’ve found in this letter by commenting on this post. The ones who get the correct answer will be placed in our monthly drawing for our Here’s To Us Challenge. The winner will receive a copy of the book What Did You Expect? by Paul Tripp as well as a gift card to the restaurant of your choice. We’ll announce the winner on Wednesday!  Have fun!!

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This is post #11 in the Ultimate Blog Challenge to post everyday in October.

Posted in communication, Music, romancing your husband | Tagged , , , , , , , | 20 Comments

Mark Your Calendar

Posted on October 10, 2011 by Debi Walter

This week I’m finding it nearly impossible to make time for posting, BUT I did commit to the Ultimate Blog Challenge, and it bids me to continue on.  The picture above was the last cappuccino I’ve had since Tracy and Seth left – it was as delicious as it looks. Tom bought it for me at the Copper Coin Coffee Shop in Woodstock, GA.  I highly recommend the place.  Tracy says the girl who makes the capps makes all kinds of fun designs – I wish I knew how to do this.  It’s so artistic!

This is Monday.  The day we offer you fun date ideas and the list of what’s happening around Orlando.  I managed to pull together the first part of the post last night, but as for the events taking place in Orlando – I must refer you to Theresa Jacobs at About.com.  She always lists the major events happening, and I know you will find her list very helpful.

On Wednesday I head home from Atlanta after being away for 12 days.  I miss home, but once I get there I know I will miss my daughter and her family again.  It’s the disadvantage of living faraway. Something I don’t think I’ll ever get used to. The best part of our trip was knowing our daughter and son-in-law were having the time of their lives in California.  You can see it in their eyes:

To all our new subscribers – welcome.  We are so glad you’ve decided to join our Vineyard!  We pray you will find your visits here helpful and inspiring – the help part comes from us – the inspiring part – that comes only from God, Himself.

♥ Fun Dates To Celebrate ♥

October 10

  • Columbus Day – if you have the day off, why not visit “the ocean blue.”
  • National Angel Food Cake Day

October 11

  • It’s My Party Day – throw your spouse a surprise party for no reason.  Make it just the two of you and do all their favorite things.
October 12
  • Cookbook Launch Day – why not plan and cook a dinner together from a favorite cookbook.  This may just launch a new hobby.
October 13
  • International Skeptics Day – I’m not sure about this one, seems skeptical to me. 🙂
October 14
  • National Dessert Day – enjoy your favorite together.
  • World Egg Day – have eggs for dinner tonight, then have your own private Egg Hunt: fill plastic eggs with lots of rewards or things you love about your spouse.  Hide them all over the bedroom and enjoy being together.
October 15
  • Sweetest Day – Send your spouse this video with James Taylor singing, “How Sweet It Is.” 
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October 16
  • Dictionary Day – why not write your spouse a love letter using lots of big words with unfamiliar meanings. Tell them to use the dictionary for all the definitions.
This is post #10 in The Ultimate Blog Challenge to post everyday in October.
Posted in Date Night Ideas, Mark Your Calendars (time sensitive), Orlando Date Ideas | Tagged , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Sharing Musts For A Healthy Marriage 2

Posted on October 9, 2011 by Tom and Debi

In case you missed the beginning of this Sunday series our first two “sharing musts” were:

Vacations and Dreams

Our next absolute sharing must for a healthy marriage would seem to go without saying, but it is a real issue in some marriages.  It is…

A Bed

Photo Credit: beijingtoday.com.cn

There is something that happens between a husband and wife in the night as we sleep next to each other.  There is a connection made that is vital to a healthy marriage.

In their informative article, How Married Couples Can Get A Good Night’s Sleep, Sheri and Bob Stritof talk about the importance of sleeping together even if you won’t sleep as well.  Why?

“Usually the answer is because even if you don’t get the best night’s sleep, you find comfort and emotional intimacy in sleeping together.”
They go on to say that as many as 12% of married couples sleep separately on a regular basis.  The reasons are varied with each one presenting it’s own set of problems.  Here is the list they provided:

  • Disagreement about who gets which side of the bed
  • Differing sleep positions
  • Temperature of the room
  • To cuddle or not to cuddle
  • Sheet textures
  • Alarms
  • Tossing and turning
  • Teeth grinding
  • Degree of quietness
  • Getting up in the middle of the night
  • The size of the bed
  • The firmness of the bed
  • Snoring
  • Having a window open
  • Sleeping with children or pets
  • Nightmares
  • Going to bed angry
  • Sleep walking
  • Amount of pillows
  • Number of blankets
  • Spousal arousal syndrome – what is this?
    (Definition: Being awakened by your partner’s snoring, having your sleep disrupted many times throughout the night, and having your concentration at work being negatively affected by the resulting fatique is called spousal arousal syndrome.)
  • Time to go to bed
  • When to get up in the morning
  • Insomnia
Some of the above are serious issues requiring outside assistance, like insomnia or chronic snoring.  But others are simply preference issues.  There is something to be said for persevering through a problem such as sleep habits, room temperature and whether or not you sleep with a pet.  Seriously, if a spouse is choosing to sleep with their pet instead of their spouse, there are more issues at stake. There must be room for compromise, or the marriage itself will never proceed beyond these limitations.  Do you and your spouse sleep separately?  Is it for medical reasons?  Have you looked for help and been unable to find it?  We encourage you to take your difficulty to the Lord, and ask for His wisdom in helping you as a couple to enjoy sleeping together once again.  The marriage bed is singular and meant to be shared.

The next “sharing must” is:

Burdens

Photo Credit: The Justice Project


Most married couples know it is important to share one another’s burdens.  But do we actually make a point of drawing our spouse out on issues which are weighing them down?  Or are we more upset by the inconvenience their burden is causing the relationship.  I admit that early on in our marriage I was often more upset at with Tom’s burden than I was sympathetic because if he wasn’t on his A game I had to pick up the slack.  Something my selfish heart hated.  But through the years I have changed. What helped me change?  It required me seeing this response as “sin.”  Seeing it only as “the way I am,” left me no hope for change.  Seeing it as sin gave me hope because there is a remedy for sin – Christ Jesus who came into the world to save sinners!  All I needed to do was repent of my selfishness and ask God to enable me to love and care for Tom in the way I should.

How are you doing in your marriage in regards to sharing the same bed and sharing each other’s burdens?


Posted in Christian Marriage, Difficulty, Growing Strong Marriages, The Gospel & Marriage | Tagged , , , , , , | 9 Comments

Happy Hour

Posted on October 7, 2011 by Tom and Debi

Tom and I have been away on vacation – kind of.  We’re taking care of our two grandchildren who live in Atlanta, while our daughter and son-in-love are away enjoying the vineyards of CA.  It has been a fun, exhausting, silly and heart fulfilling week so far.  Here is a picture Norah, our 4 year old granddaughter, took of us…followed by a picture I took of them.  Notice they are in the same post – how cute is that?

Norah and Bradley

As a result, it has been difficult to read as many blogs as we normally do for this post. Below are the ones we were able get to, and we’re so glad we did.  Excellent writing going on around the marriage blogosphere.

As you are reading our picks we will be meeting Scott and Jenni for dinner for the first time.  You probably know them from the Journey To Surrender blog.  It has been a fun couple of months meeting and sharing with like-minded couples who’s ministry is to have a marriage blog. One thing they all have in common – humility. This is what has drawn us to meet them in person. We’ll be sure to glean as much as we can from dinner tonight, and take a few pictures to share with you next week too.  🙂

Have a great weekend!

Encourage Your Spouse

  • What Did You Expect? A Book Review – We’ve told you this is our favorite marriage book BY FAR.  Here you can read another couple’s take on this excellent book by Paul Tripp.
  • Saying “I Love You” Out Loud – if you haven’t done this in a meaningful way in a while, then read this post.  You will finish with a greater desire to say it as soon as you can.  Lori is a great encourager, as you’ll soon read for yourself.

Hot, Holy and Humorous

  • What Is Intimacy? –  You may be surprised to see it is much more than your first answer.

Journey To Surrender

  • The Power of Words – this post is excellent and full of rich wisdom which, if applied, will change your marriage for good.

Marriage Gems

  • Have An Affair With Your Spouse – Yes, this title is provocative, but it is a practice sure to keep boredom at bay. This is a must read if you are finding yourself at a lack of excitement in any area of your marriage.

Marriage Life

Marriage Missions International

One Flesh Marriage

The Generous Husband

  • Leave The Kids Out Of It – Do you argue in front of your children? Do you try to get them to take sides? Please, for the sake of your family and future read this post!

The Generous Wife

  • What To Do With Conflict – another book review, this one of The Peacemaker, by Ken Sande.  If you have never read this book, you will certainly want to after reading Lori’s take on it.
Posted in Blog Love, Happy Hour | Tagged , , , , , , , | 7 Comments

A Fragrant Aroma – Don’t Flip When Romance Flops

Posted on October 7, 2011 by Tom Walter

Our pastor tells us often what people remember most about his Sunday messages is when he shares a personal story of how he’s messed up.  For some reason people resonate and find encouragement through the failures of others.  Not in a jealous, envious sort of way, but in a way that makes them real. This gives hope to others who have failed in similar ways.

Today we want to share with you one of our romantic flops, and it happened only a week ago. Debi planned a romantic evening for us in an effort to help me get my mind off of everything else my mind tends to dwell on. Usually her efforts are successful, but not on this night.

Why?

I really enjoyed the evening. It was fun and spontaneous. I cooperated completely even though some of it was so corny it made us both laugh hysterically. It was good to laugh and enjoy being together with nothing else to do.

Somewhere between the laughter and the fun I did something completely unexpected (i.e. stupid); I picked up my iphone for just a minute to look at my e-mails.

What I read instantly threw cold water on our romantic evening. It was one of those e-mails which burdens your heart for the friend who wrote it. Our evening went from happy to depressing with only one look at my iphone.

How did Debi handle it? She went to sleep disappointed, but she didn’t flip out in anger. We prayed for our friend, cried a little and went to sleep. The next day Debi asked if we could talk about what happened the night before. She explained her disappointment in how the night went.  She pointed out if I hadn’t picked up my phone in the first place our evening wouldn’t have turned into a total flop.

She was right!

But because she didn’t flip out over my romance flop, we were able to talk it over reasonably. I apologized for my lack of self-control in looking at my e-mail at such an inappropriate time. She forgave me and that was the end of it.

What did we learn?

  • Don’t ever look at e-mail while you’re enjoying quality time with your spouse.
  • Don’t flip out when your spouse treats you in an insensitive way. Instead look for the chance to talk it over openly and honestly.
  • Lastly, when you are wrong, admit it! It wasn’t hard to resolve this conflict, but it sure could have been.

We both would have preferred that the conflict never happened. But unfortunately marriage is full of all kinds of flops – the key is to seek God’s help in order to not flip out!

How do you handle romantic flops? Have you had one recently that went unresolved? How could you and your spouse bring resolve to the hurt at this point? It’s never too late to try.

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This is post #7 in the Ultimate Blog Challenge to post everyday in October.

Posted in A Fragrant Aroma, Christian Marriage, communication, Difficulty, Forgiveness, Hindrances to Romance, The Gospel & Marriage | Tagged , , , , , , , | 9 Comments

Romantic Orlando – What’s Cooking?

Posted on October 6, 2011 by Tom Walter

“Cooking is like a relationship, you can do it because you LOVE it, or you can do it because you HAVE to.  The choice is yours!” – Tom Walter

Debi and I love to cook.  We always have, but we’ve gotten much better at it as the years have passed.  And need I say we love to eat!?  This propels our love of cooking.

Imagine how thrilled we were when we were invited to go to a cooking class at Truffles and Trifles?  It was a group class, so there wasn’t a lot of instructing going on. The ingredients were measured out for us in various stages around the room. There were about 25 people involved in the whole process. Conversations were lively and the food was delicious.

As an added bonus we were given the recipes of all the dishes we helped create. The only restrictions was that the recipes could only be used for our private use – no sharing.  Sorry we can’t give you a sample of what we tasted, but our favorite was the bread pudding with whiskey sauce. 🙂 (For those who know Debi, she picked out the raisins.  But she stilled LOVED the recipe.)

Truffles and Trifles has been in business for 27 years. Marci, the owner, was on hand and willing to help in anyway she possibly could.

She was eager to tell us about her monthly Date Night opportunities. The next one will take place on Friday night, October 28th.  The cost is $140 per couple. The theme for this date night is Fall Food and Halloween, which is sure to be a howling good time.

Who would enjoy cooking if they never got to taste the food they prepared? Cooking is so much like marriage; many ingredients are needed at just the right proportion to insure the finished product will be good. There are so many ingredients which make up a good marriage. You can’t focus on only one thing or the end results will still be lacking.

Measured commitment with romance, faith and unselfishness are sure to produce a lasting, lifelong type of love.

What is something you and your spouse enjoy doing together? When was the last time you tried something new? A cooking class might just be the thing to help you explore life (and love) in a new and meaningful way. If a cooking class is too expensive, why not record a Food Network cooking show, go shopping for all the ingredients you want to cook, and then have your own cooking night at home. The cost will only be for the groceries purchased, but the memory will be priceless. Don’t forget the candles!

Bon Appetit!

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This is post #6 in the Ultimate Blog Challenge to post everyday in October.

Posted in Creative Dates, Date Night Ideas, Dinner Dates, Orlando Date Ideas, Romance in Marriage, romantic date nights, Romantic Ideas, Romantic Orlando, Unique Dates | Tagged , , , , , , , | 8 Comments

A Varietal of Sorts

Posted on October 5, 2011 by Debi Walter

Photo Credit: Trippin Thru California.com

In wine-making a varietal wine is so named when the main grape consists of at least 75% of the wine.  The other 25% can be from another type of grape.

Our post today is a varietal of sorts.  Lisa Graf, with Mom Blog, asked if I would like to join with her each week for her Wedded Bliss Wednesday post.  I was honored to be asked to take part in encouraging young moms to pursue their husbands even through the busy child-training years.  She is the brain-child behind the topics we discuss and the direction each post will take.  You could say she is the 75% and I’m the 25%, but we both believe it’s a good wine.

Since I’m on Nana Duty once again – this time in Atlanta while my daughter and her husband are visiting one of our favorite regions of America – The Napa Valley, I was quite happy to collaborate with Lisa on this idea.  We hope you will be encouraged in your marriage.  And we welcome your thoughts!

Following is the post we’ve written:

The latest series at the Mom Blog is Wedded Bliss Wednesday, a post dedicated to encouraging each of you in your marriage. My wonderful friend, Debi, from The Romantic Vineyard has partnered up with me, and we are both going to tackle the same topic in one post with the hope that we speak to those who are early on in their marriage as well as those ‘more seasoned’ couples. I will write in purple & Debi will write in red. Feel free to comment with topics you’d like us to tackle.

Disclaimer: Adjusting priorities, focus and looking to God’s Word will result in dramatic changes for the better in your marriage, Lisa & Debi are not liable, thank the good Lord 🙂

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Wedded Bliss Wednesday: Are You Talking To Me?

Have you ever just wished your husband would compliment something you’ve accomplished – like folding/putting away eight loads of laundry all while keeping all four kids alive & fed through out a day? (No worries, Jacob rocks at recognizing me when I manage to accomplish this.) Can’t figure out why your husband can’t keep his hands off you when all you want is to not be touched after a long day of being touched just about every second of every minute by at least 2 of 8 different hands? I can’t take credit for this awesome list, but The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman has really helped me through various stages. There is also a great website devoted to this book that is worth a click over. We will only briefly touch on the languages and our experiences with them.  We strongly encourage you to purchase this book and keep it on your reading list. As life changes so does your love language, and Gary Chapman does a wonderful job completely covering each of the languages. If you are not married, please check out the site anyway – you can apply these Love Love Languages to just about any relationship.

I, (Lisa), am guessing I am not the only over touched, over talked to, over everything-ed Mom who struggles with figuring out how to best please her husband or how to best communicate her needs to her husband. 

And I, (Debi), am certain we never fully arrive at knowing how to please or talk to our husbands about what we need.  But it does get easier.  After being married for 32 years, I know what it takes to “make Tom’s day.”  I know how to please him in lots of ways, not just the obvious.  But I’m still a sinner who struggles with selfishness and the like.  Just because I know how to do something doesn’t guarantee I’ll do it. So this series of posts are as much for our readers as it is for us.  No preaching going on here!

Love Language: Words of Affirmation

Some days my clothes are covered in baby spit up, baby food, big kid food smears, my own food smears, dirt, grass stains, & various other bodily fluids. As much as I try to look half way put together for my hubby, some days it just isn’t happening. I am so grateful that even in my frumpiest of post babybirthing days my husband knows how to say just the right thing to lift me up. Words of Affirmation are not necessarily about looks, but maybe about an accomplishment of some sorts. (“Yeah, you managed to shower today!”) For someone who struggles between a perfectionist & people pleaser, words of affirmation can build me up like nothing else!

My days are filled with interruptions of all kinds.  I used to think this stage of life would be carefree and easy.  What was I thinking? I often have days where I don’t get one thing accomplished on my to-do list, and I stayed busy all day! Having Tom understand this about me in this season of life as we talk it over builds up my spirit in a way no one else can.  He constantly speaks words of affirmation – kind words that build me up.  He has become my biggest fan no matter what I am doing – writing, baking, cooking or showing hospitality. There is more time in our season of life to think, but this isn’t necessarily a good thing. Thinking too much can lean towards inward focus and thinking about “poor me.” It is good to have a partner who is willing to speak the Truth when you’re having a hard time hearing it yourself.  These words are affirming as well – affirming the TRUTH, not just what I want to hear.

 Love Language: Quality Time

You think having 4 children 5 years and younger would completely zap ‘quality’ & ‘time’ from my vocabulary. Because this is such a rare commodity in my home, I truly value quality time with my husband (as well as each of my children). I really look forward to our bi-weekly date nights, even if it’s just grabbing a quick sub from Jimmy Johns, at least we can sit down together and have uninterrupted conversation, eat food at the intended temperature & even rekindle a bit of romance. 

It is important to have quality time regularly while raising your family, so when you reach our age you will still want it.  We have witnessed far too many couples who successfully raise their children only to call it quits.  How sad.  To have shared so much of life together, and then walk away.  Quality time for us is all the time now.  We value our dinner conversations as well as our date nights. Even though any night of the week could be considered a date night, it is still fun to have one night on the calendar where I know Tom is anticipating it as much as I am. So no matter how hectic the work week becomes, Monday is still MY time with Tom.  Our biggest challenge is turning off the cell phone.  We used to have children who interrupted every conversation.  Now it has become the cell phone. We’re never completely unplugged, but something we’re working on together.

 Love Language: Physical Touch

Yeah, I’m at a loss on this one. I sure hope Debi has some profound thoughts to add! Okay, in all honesty physical touch has been, and probably will always be, the last on my language list – this is like those crazy Chinese symbols kind of language for me. However, it is more than likely to rank up there for your husband. If you want to speak his language and meet his needs sometimes you just bite the bullet and do it. (pun intended) So implement the Nike slogan here and Just Do It! 

I was joking with Tom how I think all the love languages pertain to me.  <sigh>. I apologized for being such a complicated wife.  He smiled.  Physical touch for me is different than it is for Tom.  He can melt my heart by gently rubbing my feet.  I love when he scratches my back or plays with my hair.  These are simple ways he has learned to communicate his love for me.  Sometimes I make it impossible for him to refuse – touching him the way he likes to be touched. 🙂 While I agree with Lisa’s use of the Nike slogan; (when I was raising small children this was about the only motivation I had too.) But to leave it at that would be sad.  Recognizing this isn’t your primary love language is fine, being content to stay there isn’t.  We must strive to “out do one another in showing acts of kindness.”  This includes touching our spouse, loving on them physically in a way that blesses them. If this completely sounds foreign to you, then I encourage you to ask God to help change your perspective.  You may not realize what you’re missing, not to mention the love you’re communicating to your spouse will help them love you more.  

Love Language: Receiving Gifts

Flowers every few days: yes please. A little bling bling here and there: yes please. A spa day: oh sweet Jesus, I am in heaven. Not many people turn down receiving gifts, however; if you were raised staunch German like I was receiving gifts gets awkward. You don’t want to get too excited as that may be seen as selfish & you definitely don’t want to completely blow it off as that would be rude. Although, I’m a fan of gifts, I like/need them to be practical. You know you are a mom when a new bottle of Caress Bath Soap totally floats your boat. Jacob has really helped out in doing Target & Woodman runs since the arrival of Addy and that has been a huge burden off my shoulders that I greatly appreciate. 

Yes, I love to receive gifts, but I enjoy giving them just as much.  I esp. love planning a special date to totally surprise and bless Tom.  This is one of the reasons we started The Romantic Vineyard.  We realized there are many couples who want to excel in giving to their spouse, but lack the ideas or creativity. Gifts don’t have to be a material possession.  It can be the receiving end of your gifting.  If you’re gifted at baking, be sure your spouse enjoys the first fruits of your labor.  If you’re gifted at planning parties, then your spouse’s 35th birthday party should be one to show your love in a creative way.  If you’re gifted in __________________(you fill in the blank), be sure you’re spouse knows it is primarily for them that you do these things, everyone else gets the overflow. 
But there is another aspect of this I want to address.  As you grow older together and money isn’t as much of an issue as it was while raising a family, it is easy to go and buy whatever it is you’re wanting.  The holidays can come along and it’s easy to say, “let’s not get each other anything this year.” While I understand this thought process, think of the rich part of romance that is being excluded here. No more surprises.  No more pretty packaged gifts with your name on it.  No more special moments of surprise.  Gifts don’t have to be expensive or elaborate. Simply thoughtful.  If this isn’t your love language, don’t throw the whole idea out.  You’ll be missing a key element of romance if you do.

Love Language: Acts of Service

Oh yeah, now you are talking MY language! Running the grocery/Target kind of errands makes my day. Help out with dishes, oh yeah! What’s that saying about a man in the kitchen?! Laundry, cleaning, organizing, kid duty … any little bit of help is so appreciated. I feel stretched so thin sometimes and am extremely thankful my husband really helps out a lot around the house and with typical ‘wife’ kind of duties. I m sure one day when I can again do grocery and errand runs without 4 little helpers this language might take a back seat, but until then acts of service are what really encourages & uplifts me! 

Oh my husband excels in this area.  He serves me in so many countless ways because he wants to.  He loves me, and this is his gifting.  He regularly goes out of his way to do things for me that leave me…spoiled.  I have mentioned this to him, when I’ve struggled with such attention.  His answer is, “that’s my job!” Not all husbands are like this.  Not all wives want them to be.  BUT, your husband is exactly who God joined you with as one flesh.  Ask God for ways to serve your husband that will bless him.  Be sure to check your motives while doing so – to do something for them, hoping – praying – and maybe dreaming he’ll get the hint and do the same for you, is only setting yourself up for great disappointment. Let your serving be done without grumbling or complaining.  Do it because Christ has served you.  Do it because it reflects God’s love for you – who came not to be served, but to serve.

This is post #5 in the Ultimate Blog Challenge to post everyday in October.

Posted in Blog Love, Christian Marriage, Growing Strong Marriages, Guest Post, Romance in Marriage, romancing your husband, Wives | Tagged , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

The Cynic Within

Posted on October 4, 2011 by Tom and Debi

Photo Credit: sodahead.com

The enemy of our souls first tempted Eve by asking her a question, “Did God really say…” It was a question meant to challenge the goodness of God.  It was evil and cynical in nature.

A cynic is a faultfinding captious critic; especially one who believes that human conduct is motivated wholly by self-interest. (source – Miriam Webster.com)

Cynicism is to prayer what cancer is to the body.  It eats away at the very life of the person it embodies.  A cynic is suspicious of everyone and questions the motives of what makes them do what they do.  When we apply this to our prayer life, the cynic actually questions God – like the serpent in the Garden.

These are hard words to hear.  Yet many of us if we’re honest, will admit our prayers are often hindered by our cynicism.  We pray and our prayers seemingly go unanswered, so we think to ourselves – why bother?  Why get my hopes up just to see nothing happen.

In his book, A Praying Life, Paul Miller talks about this:

Cynicism begins, oddly enough, with too much of the wrong kind of faith, with naive optimism or foolish confidence. At first glance, genuine faith and naive optimism appear identical since both foster confidence and hope.  But the similarity is only surface deep.  Genuine faith comes from knowing my heavenly Father loves, enjoys, and cares for me.  Naive optimism is groundless.  It is childlike trust without the loving Father.

When you said “I Do,” you most likely had naive optimism.  The wedding, the honeymoon, the first apartment – it all was so much fun.  But when reality came knocking on your front door everything changed. Naive optimism suddenly switched to the dark side. It is only genuine faith in God that is able to continue moving the marriage relationship forward.

Life is hard. Marriage is hard. Faith is hard. But God is good.  And whether we can see what He is doing or not, doesn’t negate the fact that He is present in your current situation. Let our labor be in fighting the good fight, not in fighting your rights.

Paul Miller continues,

“As my friend Cathie reflected on why [such a sudden switch] is true in her own life, she observed, ‘I make the jump from optimism to darkness so quickly because I am not grounded in a deep abiding faith that God is in the matter, no matter what the matter is.  I am looking for pleasant results, not deeper realities.”

God is using every situation, every hardship we face to draw our hearts and minds closer to Him.  He desires for us to tell Him our trouble through prayer – conversation – day and night, without ceasing. But in doing so, we must resist the temptation to be cynical.  We must guard not only words, but our thoughts as well.  We are called to help guard our spouse too.  Let’s work together to keep our faith genuine and our growth in godliness ever maturing.

One day we will see our trouble from a different perspective.  Today, however, we simply must trust in God who is good.

________________________________________

This is post #4 in The Ultimate Blog Challenge to post everyday in October.

Posted in Christian Marriage, Difficulty, Growing Strong Marriages, Temptation, The Gospel & Marriage | Tagged , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

Mark Your Calendar

Posted on October 3, 2011 by Debi Walter

Positanos Pizza in Hunt Club - Apopka, FL

It’s hard to believe it’s October.  But what a great time of year to be outside with your love.  There is a wealth of special dates to celebrate this month.  Did you know that October is:

  • National Pizza Month
  • National Vegetarian Month
  • National Popcorn Popping Month
  • Sarcastic Month
  • Seafood Month

♥ Fun Dates To Celebrate ♥

October 3rd

  • Techies Day – What would we do without the techies in our lives to keep things running smoothly, or just running PERIOD!  If your spouse is techie – plan something to celebrate them tonight!  Maybe send them a text message too!

October 4th

  • National Golf Day – plan to meet at a driving range for some practice, get in 9 holes after work, or go play miniature golf.

October 5th

  • Do Something Nice Day – no explanation needed. 🙂

October 6th

  • Come and Take It Day – Hmmm, this one sounds F.U.N.

October 7th

  • Bald and Free Day – Visit your local Audubon Society to learn about bald eagles OR if your spouse is bald have fun celebrating his baldness.
  • World Smile Day – Make your spouse smile when they aren’t expecting it.

October 8th

  • American Touch Tag Day – Plan a get together with your couple friends and play some good old American Tag.  Tag – You’re It!

October 9th

  • Curious Events Day – This day would be fun to each pick several facts that you find curious and talk about them over dinner.  See who comes up with the most curious.
  • Moldy Cheese Day – If you’re a bleu cheese fan – serve a great salad with your curious conversation.  🙂

♥ Things To Do In Orlando ♥

CENTRAL

SOUTH

WEST

Whatever your choose to do this week, remember the most important thing is to be with your spouse – completely and without distraction.  We’ll post more on this later.

__________________________________

This is post #3 in the Ultimate Blog Challenge to post everyday in October.

Posted in Date Night Ideas, Mark Your Calendars (time sensitive), Orlando Date Ideas | Tagged , , , , , , , | 13 Comments

Sharing Musts For A Healthy Marriage

Posted on October 2, 2011 by Debi Walter

Most are familiar with the practice of hitting the “share” button on You Tube, Facebook, etc.  in order to send something you found worthwhile for your friends and family to see and/or read.  Sharing social media with others is as easy as hitting a button.

But in marriage sharing doesn’t come quite as easily.

In our 33 years together we’ve made some observations in the marriage relationship, which we believe requires total and complete sharing – no holding back.  We’ve come up with our own top ten list of sharing musts for a healthy marriage.

We’ll spend the next few Sundays sharing with you our thoughts on this.  Please note, this list is not a biblical command.  It is simply the observations we’ve made personally. You may or may not agree completely.  You may not share with your spouse some of the things we’ll have on our list.  This doesn’t mean we think your marriage is unhealthy, and we would love to hear how it works for you.  Let’s begin the conversation:

#1  VACATIONS

Most families plan to take a vacation at some time during the year.  They may not go anywhere, but their own backyard.  Yet there are some married couples who take separate vacations – the wife may take the kids home to see her family for a week.  The husband may go fishing or golfing with the guys.  On their own each of these are fine, even good fun.  But if these are the only vacations you’re taking with no special “off work” time to enjoy as husband and wife, we see this as detrimental to a healthy union. All marriages need down time to take root and grow stronger.  Vacations are one of the best opportunities to have undivided time together, to play, to rest, to laugh and to enjoy being together.  If all this quality time is given to someone other than your spouse the marriage will suffer for it.  But imagine if you’re sharing this time together year after year – the memories you’ll make and consequently share for a lifetime.  This is our story.  We have memories we share together that we enjoy over and over as we reminisce.  And there is no one else who shares these memories except US.

#2  DREAMS

When was the last time you sat down and talked about tomorrow – your future – together as a couple. Does your spouse know what you dream about, what you hope for for the future? When you were dating and engaged you most likely spent hours talking about what your future would look like.  Once the wedding was a memory and the first apartment was chosen or house was bought, it’s easy to slip into a comfort zone that is unhealthy.  We all dream, but we don’t all talk about them.  Make an effort this week to draw your spouse out about what is on their heart for the future.  You may be surprised at some of them. If you aren’t, good job!  It is important to keep your dreams alive, and it is important for your spouse to be on board with you in those dreams, and vice versa. We end with one of my favorite songs about dreams – if you know me well, you’ll know it’s from my favorite movie.

_________________________________

This is post #2 in The Ultimate Blog Challenge to post everyday in October.

 

Posted in Christian Marriage, communication, Growing Strong Marriages, The Gospel & Marriage | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 11 Comments

Happy Hour

Posted on October 1, 2011 by Tom and Debi

We are posting this on Saturday as the opening of our Ultimate Blog Challenge for October.  Somehow it seems fitting to shed the light on some of our favorite marriage blogs available on the internet.  We are privileged to call many of the owners our new friends.  Some of them we hope to meet in the near future.  One thing is clear – God is about the business of strengthening marriages.  It’s up to us whether we listen and get to work, or if we allow distractions, selfishness and/or busyness of life to interfere.

Here are the posts we deem “Special,” and worth your time to read!

Encourage Your Spouse

Hot, Holy and Humorous

  • Sleeping With The Enemy – this post describes all sorts of sleeping types, some are compatible and others are down right anti-social.  Which one are you?  Or which one is your spouse?  Wait!  Don’t tell…just chuckle to yourself and enjoy!

Journey To Surrender

  • When You Have Nothing Left – An excellent post about the reality all marriages face – trouble.  What do you do when you have nothing left to give?  What does your spouse do?

Marriage Gems

Marriage Life

Marriage Missions International

  • Reality Checks For Confrontation – Most of us dread anything having to do with confrontation.  The Wright’s share a new term given to them by dear friends.  It’s “Care-frontation.”  Read this post if you tend to lack the “care” in confronting your spouse or vice versa.

One Flesh Marriage

  • My Parents Wrecked My Marriage – if you have issues with your parents or your spouse’s parents intruding in your relationship, this post offers great help and hope.

The Generous Husband

  • She Does Not Have A Reset Button – another great post by Paul for all the husbands.  How patient are you with your wife when it comes to her “getting over” past offenses you’ve committed against her?
  • Drive By Snipe Versus Constructive Discussion – the list provided on how NOT to deal with conflict should be read, copied and posted on the bathroom mirror for quick reference.  This applies to both husband and wife.

The Generous Wife

  • Plan For The Holidays Now – Yes, it is getting closer than we know.  Lori encourages us to plan now so we can enjoy the holidays to the fullest later.

_______________________________________

This is post #1 in the Ultimate Blog Challenge to post everyday in October!

Posted in Blog Love, Christian Marriage, Growing Strong Marriages, Happy Hour | 2 Comments

October Challenge

Posted on September 30, 2011 by Tom and Debi

Bees have been created by God to collect pollen from flowers in order to help the plants reproduce and to collect nectar to be used in making honey.  It is a process which is so common we tend to lose sight of how miraculous it really is.  They instinctively know where to find the flowering plants and remember how to return to the hive in order to complete the honey making process.  Bees not only make the honey, they eat it as well.

Why do we share this with you today? Because we are like the honeybees.  We are collecting not nectar or pollen, but information from you, in order to make honey we can all use to sweeten our marriages.

We are taking part in The Ultimate Blog Challenge for the month of October.  Basically, what this means is we are challenged to post everyday (31 to be exact) in October.  It is a good goal, but one we want to benefit you and your marriage in the best way possible.

So, we have a favor to ask. 🙂

We have created the following poll in order to discover the topics you most want to read about on The Romantic Vineyard.  Won’t you take a couple of minutes and take it?  And please share it with your friends by clicking the “Share This” button at the bottom of the poll too. The more input we have the better idea we’ll have of what our readers really want and/or need. Then, we will purpose to post about those topics for the entire month!  This will help all of us.

Thank you so much!    Also, we welcome comments if you would like to expound on any of your choices or share with us something we missed.  May God continue to bless you as you pursue growing your own Romantic Vineyard for His glory!

Select Four from the list:

Posted in Growing Strong Marriages, The Romantic Vineyard | Tagged , , , , , , , | 7 Comments

Water Into Wine – Proverbs 20

Posted on September 29, 2011 by Tom Walter

Photo Credit: Trip Advisor

We just spent a week in AZ where there is a light ordinance.  Basically what this means is the street lights must point completely downward, and they cannot be detected from over 200 ft. away.  It is great for stargazing, but not so for driving.

Seriously.

It was a challenge to drive anywhere after dark.    There were times I wasn’t sure which way the road turned until we were right on the turn.  It was dangerous.

Which caused me to think, do we have a light ordinance in our own lives?  Are we open and honest with the Lord and with our spouse about the things with which we’re struggling? How much do we invite light into our lives?  How much do we invite our spouse into our lives?

The Bible encourages us:

“Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts! And see if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting!” – Psalms 139:23-24 ESV

Light illuminates our way.  It enlightens and points out ways of danger and keep us from following such paths.  But it can also show us good things we would have missed if it weren’t for the light.  We are called to walk in the light as He is in the light. (1 John 1:7)

So how is His light helping you see more clearly today?  Are you seeing the dangers?  Are you seeing the good?

Posted in Christian Marriage, Growing Strong Marriages, Husbands, The Gospel & Marriage, Water Into Wine, Weekly Series, Wives | Tagged , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Casablanca Date Night

Posted on September 28, 2011 by Debi Walter

Photo Credit: Cassablanca, the movie

Here’s looking at you, kid!

Give your spouse a Hershey kiss when they wake up and say, “You know a kiss isn’t just a kiss. Tonight I’ll show you what I mean.”  And leave it at that!  They’ll be wondering what you’re up to all day long.

In the meantime do the following:

Continue reading →

Posted in Creative Dates, D.R.A.B., Date Night Ideas, Dating Your Spouse, Dinner Dates, Movie Dates, romancing your husband, romancing your spouse, romancing your wife, romantic date nights, Unique Dates | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

When The Wine Runs Out

Posted on September 27, 2011 by Tom and Debi

Photo Credit: Derek Gavey

J.R. Miller shared this glorious truth, which we received via Grace Gems.  If you haven’t subscribed to this wonderful newsletter, we encourage you to.  It always provides rich truth in which to soak your soul!

“When the wine ran out, Jesus’ mother said to Him: They have no more wine.” John 2:3

This incident is a very fitting illustration of the failure of all this world’s joys. The wine ran out at a wedding-feast. There was not enough of it to last through to the end of the feast.

It is just so with all earth’s pleasures. It comes in cups–not in fountains; and the supply is limited–and soon exhausted.

It is especially so with sin’s pleasures. The prodigal son soon ran out of money, and began to be in need. A poet compared the pleasures of sin to a snowflake on the river, “a moment white–then gone forever!”

But it is true in a sense also–of pure earthly pleasures. Even the sweetness of human love is but a cupful, which will not last forever. The joy which so fills us today–tomorrow is changed to sorrow. Amid the gladness of the marriage altar–there is the knell of the end, in the words “until death do us part.”One of every two friends must hold the other’s hand in farewell at the edge of the valley of the shadow of death–and must stand by the other’s grave, and walk alone for part of the way. The best wine of earthly life and of love–will fail. If there were nothing better in this world–how sad it would be!

But it is here that we see the glory of Christ’s gospel. When earth’s wine fails–Jesus comes, and gives Heaven’s wine to supply the lack. How beautiful and how true is the picture here: the failing wine–and then Jesus coming with power and supplying the need! That is what He is doing continually. He takes lives which have drained their last drop of earthly gladness–and He satisfies them with spiritual good and blessing, so that they need nothing more.

When human joy fails–Jesus gives new joy, better than the world’s, and in unfailing abundance! How sad it is for those who have not taken Christ into their lives, and who have nothing but the empty cup—when earth’s wine runs out!

If you are discouraged today for the lack you see in your marriage, realize there is joy to be found even in this place. Christ desires to fill the void, but we must ask Him to come and fill our empty cup.  He loves to supply abundantly in places where we are in desperate need, and there is no need where His grace isn’t sufficient to supply.

What helps you most when the “wine runs out?” 

Posted in Christian Marriage, Difficulty, Growing Strong Marriages, Spiritual Intimacy | Tagged , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Mark Your Calendar

Posted on September 26, 2011 by Tom and Debi

This post may seem late, but to our bodies it’s (yawn) morning.  We’re still adjusting to the time change from Phoenix time to Orlando time.  It’s usually a two hour difference, but AZ doesn’t participate in Daylight Saving Time, sooo we’re three hours behind schedule today.  <sigh>  But we’ll get there.  We’re grateful to be home again, which is one of the best parts of going away – it provides a fresh appreciation for the routine of life and the comforts of home, all unpacking and dirty laundry aside.  🙂

♥ Fun Dates To Celebrate ♥

September 26

  • Johnny Appleseed Day – This is a great day to enjoy apples in all forms.  Why not plan a special dinner with apples in each dish?  Could be fun.  Here is a link to lots of great recipes to try!

September 28

  • Ask A Stupid Question Day – Is it a stupid questions to ask, “Why do we need an ask a stupid question day?”  Hmmm.  However, if you’re prone to asking such questions – then this is your day – Have at it!
  • National Good Neighbor Day – and we’re not talking State Farm!  Plan to do something special as a couple for a neighbor in need.  Or have them over for dessert.

September 30

  • National Mud Pack Day – If you have the funds, it might be fun to send your wife to the spa for this ancient facial treatment.  Or your could go together and stop for Mud Pie for dessert.  If you’re really motivated try this site for 25 facial mask recipes! (Warning – one recipe offered is a cat litter mask – ew!  Skip that one, or at least don’t tell anyone if you choose to try it.)

October 1

  • International Frugal Fun Day – Now this is a day we could really get into celebrating.  Follow the link above for some cheap ways to celebrate. Or check out our Cheap Dates category or our D.R.A.B. Date Ideas™.   (The acronym stands for Does Not Require A Babysitter!)
  • World Vegetarian Day – Make a big, fresh salad with a bowl of Vegetable soup.

♥ Things To Do In Orlando ♥

This is the final week for September and Magical Dining Month at many area restaurants.

CENTRAL

  • Maitland – Lake Lily Art Under The Stars event will take place Friday, Sept. 30th through Sunday, October 2nd.  Art exhibits and FREE entertainment.

NORTH

  • Altamonte Springs – Uptown Altamonte presents Friday Night Live on September 30th from 8p – 10p. FREE.

EAST

  • The Plaza Theatre presents SingLive USA on Saturday, October 1st.  Doors open at 6p.  The show begins at 7p.  Tickets are $22.

WEST

 

Posted in Date Night Ideas, Mark Your Calendars (time sensitive), Orlando Date Ideas | Tagged , , , , , , , | Comments Off on Mark Your Calendar

Happy Hour from 37,000 Feet

Posted on September 24, 2011 by Debi Walter

As I write this we are on our way home from Arizona.  Although it was hotter than I found comfortable, it was beautiful in so many ways.  It has been a trip filled with stories of marriages growing, changing and becoming what God intends for them to be – one day at a time.

Do you think of your marriage in this way?  Do you think of it as a living organism always growing and changing – becoming what God has willed?  It is true.  Look back 5 or 10 years.  Your marriage isn’t what it used to be.  Hopefully, it is becoming more and more intimate as you honestly share your life and dreams with one another. Maybe you look back and are discouraged. Maybe your relationship hasn’t grown a bit. In fact, maybe you are drifting apart.

The good news is no matter where your relationship is today it doesn’t have to stay there. How do we know?  Because God has promised to help us in our weakness.  He has promised to help us grow and change. We only need to ask and seek the help from God as well as those we admire in the faith.

If you are reading this and tempted to despair – the very fact that you are reading these words should encourage your soul. God is sovereign, faithful and gently leads His own. This includes you! We’re not sure who this is for, but there is a reason we were compelled to write this encouragement today from our plane 37,000′ somewhere flying over the midwest.

Now for our Happy Hour Special posts of the week.  Take some time over the weekend to read these excellent posts of other marriage bloggers we have come to respect.  God is using many couples to do what we do day in and day out.  All you have to do is read to find the encouragement and help you’re seeking. We are purposing to pray for every marriage who will read this post today. May God answer the cries of your heart for desperate change.

Hot, Holy and Humorous

  • Talking To Your Kids About Sex – we know this is a difficult topic for many couples.  This post will help you make it more natural, and as a result, more helpful to your kids.
  • Don’t Touch Me – I’m Ugly – the name says it all.  This post is primarily for women who struggle to believe their husbands when they compliment them.


Marriage Gems

Marriage Life

  • MT Project – Do you take an interest in what your spouse enjoys.  Taking this simple step could be the key you need to boost your relationship to the next level. It’s simple – really.
  • Dude Challenge – Lesson Learned – Yep, sometimes the truth hurts, but it is necessary in all marriages.  Do you do this to your wife?

Marriage Missions International

  • Help! I Married The Wrong Person – most would never admit they’ve had these thoughts, but if you have – then, please read this article.  It will lead this dangerous thought into a safe place, a place where your marriage will grow.

One Flesh Marriage

  • Is Your Marriage On Cruise – please, note…this doesn’t say “on A cruise.”  It says “on cruise.”  I misread the title and was surprised as I read this excellent article.  Very insightful thoughts worth your time.

Ship Bound For Tarshish

  • What About Bob? – I have a dear friend who is absolutely hilarious.  She sees life through her funny bone.  This week she talks about her marriage to none other than – Bob.  Check her out – you may end up subscribing to her biweekly posts.
  • More About Bob – part two of this series!

The Generous Husband

The Generous Wife

  • Just For The Two Of You – do you have special places or things you do only as a couple?  Check out Lori’s thoughts on how important this is.
  • Sexual Habits – how adventurous are you and your spouse when it comes to sex? It’s never too late to try something new.
Posted in Blog Love, Growing Strong Marriages, Happy Hour | Comments Off on Happy Hour from 37,000 Feet

A Fragrant Aroma – Beauty in the Desert

Posted on September 23, 2011 by Debi Walter

I was born in Orlando.  I have never lived outside of the state of Florida.  I love the beach, and even if I am unable to go as often as I would like, just knowing it is there is a comfort to my soul.

But life doesn’t always go according to what is comfortable does it?!

Continue reading →

Posted in A Fragrant Aroma, Blog Love, Christian Marriage, Difficulty, Growing Strong Marriages, Testimonies | Tagged , , , , , , , | 12 Comments

Water Into Wine – Proverbs 19

Posted on September 22, 2011 by Tom and Debi


Listening is of great value, but we must be careful of what we allow ourselves to listen. Just because it can be heard doesn’t necessarily mean we should listen to it. Discernment is knowing what is profitable for our listening ear and what is detrimental.

When you are facing challenging times in your relationship, how quick are you to seek out the advice and help of others?  Do you listen to the latest “expert” on TV?  Or do you go to a popular book full of steps to success?

When we were married only three years we faced a very difficult season where we had no idea what to do or who to talk to.  So we talked to no one, except each other and to God.  We wouldn’t recommend total silence, like this, but we seriously didn’t know who could help us with the challenges we were facing.  The good news is that even in this – God helped us.  He heard the cries of our heart for our relationship, and He answered by leading us through it for His glory.  The answers came slowly over several years, but the important thing is they came!  He led us to meet some dear friends who were able to give us biblical counsel.  These friends are still very much a part of our lives and marriage.   God is faithful.  He leads His own as a Shepherd cares for His sheep.

Now this story has become part of our testimony. What at one time required us to listen and desperately seek the advice and instruction from others has now led us to a place of wisdom allowing us to help others who may be facing similar struggles.  It’s not about us, but about God.  Our situations change, but God never changes.  He is the same yesterday, today and forever. This assurance is the hope we cling to when we are faced with situations where we don’t know what to do.

Are you facing a similar challenge?  Are there problems in your marriage about which no one knows?  May we encourage you to seek help from another couple or pastor whom you respect.  Tell them your situation.  Listen to their advice, and be assured God will lead you to the answers your need, not to mention a rich deposit of wisdom where others can one day come in order to draw from this deep well of your experience.

As we all do our part – making plans to help others wherever we can by whatever means available, we can be certain that God will use us.  And His purposes will stand through it all.

How has God helped you face difficulty in your marriage?  Have you sought the help of others or have you worked on things in private?  What do you see is the advantage or disadvantage of either of these choices? We would love to hear from you.

Posted in Christian Marriage, communication, Difficulty, Growing Strong Marriages, Testimonies, The Gospel & Marriage, Water Into Wine, Weekly Series | Tagged , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Gray Hair and Laughter

Posted on September 21, 2011 by Tom and Debi
 

Our daughter sent us this video of an older couple trying to figure out the camera feature on their new computer.  This is funny, but what we love is how they obviously adore each other even when they’re having trouble figuring something out.  How well do you handle difficult tasks together?  May we all learn from their gray hair and laughter.

Posted in Christian Marriage, humor | Tagged , , , | 1 Comment